Ladies and Gentlemen –
I want to thank those of you that were kind enough or inquisitive enough to purchase my book “Sunny Side Up”, and if you haven’t purchased it, then you don’t know what you are missing.
As we await news from Spring Practice across the College Football World and more importantly the opening kickoff for the 2017 College Football season, I couldn’t think of anything better to occupy your time and give you a laugh or two than “Sunny Side Up”.
That being said I wanted to share a few emails and reviews on the book…..
More specifically these reviews are from you, “My Beloved Readers”
If this article doesn’t give you a laugh, then I can’t help you
The Reviews for “Sunny Side Up” from you, my beloved readers…
EDITORS NOTE: I hope I don’t tear up when I re-read these….
“It ain’t got no pictures in it”
Fern Fartknuckle, Turnip Seed, Tennessee
“I failed to understand the validity of the hypothesis you are attempting to espouse here”
Dr. Maynard T. Willis PhD, Ann Arbor, Michigan
EDITORS NOTE: Huh?
“How come it don’t have no recipies in it when it got two eggs on that cover”
Tootsie Melba, Texarkana, Arkansas
“Reading your book was better than smelling the bottom of my momma’s purse”
Toby Boudreaux, Baton Rouge, Louisiana
“I HATE YOU”
Anonymous, Danville, Kentucky
EDITORS NOTE: Are you still mad about me pooping in your bathroom?
“I can’t believe you had something good to say about Clemson…”
Fred “Gamecock” Richardson, Columbia, South Carolina
“You are like the worst human being, like, EVER!”
Stacy (Last Name Withheld), Nashville, Tennessee
EDITORS NOTE: Stacy, didn’t we meet at the “High Dollar Wedding”?
“That book smelled funny when it come in the mail”
Dale Hoosier, Wilmington, North Carolina
“Why don’t you have your picture on the book are you wanted or something?”
Diana Stinchcomb, Stigler, Oklahoma
EDITORS NOTE: On the recommendation of my attorney I would rather not answer
“Will you sign my book and my cousin Tammy’s butt? She always wanted to meet a celebrity”
Homer Davis, Jasper, Missouri
EDITORS NOTE: The first request “Yes”, the second request, “HELLLL NO”
“Your book was funny, but that blowing up the damn county dump ain’t funny”
I ain’t giving you my damn name, Crossville, Tennessee
EDITORS NOTE: Carl, you need to get over this, we both know there was other garbage in that crusher, before the “incident” took place.
“You are crazier than a Texas road lizard!”
Bobbie Simmons, Lubbock, Texas
“I liked your book, but momma and daddy are Auburn fans and they didn’t like it”
– Timmy Rogers, Auburn, Alabama
EDITORS NOTE: Timmy, it’s because your parents can’t read….
“I have read instructions on the back of a soup can that were more entertaining”
Jack McCracken, Cincinnati, Ohio
EDITORS NOTE: Reading your name entertained the heck out of me. You must have a low humor threshold. I’m just saying…
“You are funnier than a possum chasing a squirrel up a gum tree!”
Skeetch Shuman, Polk County, Mississippi
“I haven’t laughed this hard since our Preacher farted like a mule in church”
Boo’jum Snark, Gurley, Alabama
EDITORS NOTE: Something tells me these two guys (above) are related somehow…
“You are the biggest sexist, racist homophobe I have ever had the displeasure to read”
Nancy Dyke, Bridgeport, Connecticut
EDITORS NOTE: One question…Have you ever considered changing your last name?
“Down this way you are bigger than that singer Jason Beaver”
The Honorable Mayor R. Clifton, Comanche, Texas
EDITORS NOTE: Regardless, I miss me some Comanche Texas…
“Have you ever been diagnosed with PTSD?”
Dr. Julia P. Delray MD, The Veterans Administration, Washington D.C.
EDITORS NOTE: No, I have never had a sexually transmitted disease
“How come it ain’t got no pictures in it?”
Sylvia Shoefly, Lenore City, Tennessee
“I’m glad you didn’t put no story in that book my agent read to me about me consensually raping that girl at Florida State”
Jameis Winston, Tampa Florida
“Roses are red and violets are blue and your book sucked”
Anonymous, Trenton, New Jersey
EDITORS NOTE: In my professional opinion, I don’t believe the writer of the review above is destined to create poetry.
Certainly there were other kinder, sweeter and humbling well written reviews.
I won’t embarrass anyone here by naming names, but I want to say “Thank you” for not only purchasing my book, but also for your unbelievably kind reviews of “Sunny Side Up”.
According to my publisher and pseudo book promoter it’s a long haul in selling books.
Thank you all for helping me, I truly appreciate it.