Ladies and Gentlemen –
Enclosed are some excerpts from a yet to be printed interview with Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator with the monthly publication “Millions of Books” on the release of his first book “Sunnyside Up” that is currently available on Amazon, Barnes and Noble and will be available in all eBook formats next week.
Millions of Books: Thank you for setting down with us today.
ME: The pleasure is all mine, I assure you
Millions of Books: How long did it take you to write “Sunnyside Up”?
ME: I have been working on this for well over ten years
Millions of Books: What can a reader expect from this book?
ME: It’s a book of short stories, some of which will make you laugh and others that I hope will make the reader think about being a better person and a better neighbor. I believe it’s a book that everyone can relate to in some form or fashion.
In short I want this little book to bring light to the darkness.
Millions of Books: That’s rather ambitious don’t you think?
ME: Not particularly.
We can all be a little light in the darkness; it’s all in how you live my friend.
I believe this book, past the humor, encourages the reader to be a light.
Millions of Books: What is your ultimate goal with “Sunnyside Up”?
ME: To be interviewed by Oprah Winfrey and after calling her” Okra” a number of times while discussing my book and after being corrected by her and the production staff, watch her head pop off her shoulders.
Millions of Books: I’m sorry what?
ME: Also too, the nice thing about being a published author is that I will no longer be referred to as “That Crazy Ass Guy” that lives alone in the woods with his Black Lab.
Now I will simply be referred to as “eccentric”.
Millions of Books: Ah, ok then…
ME: So in the event I get liquored up and decide to cut my grass in an ascot, combat boots and my favorite Alabama hat (again) no one can make derogatory comments about my demeanor or my attire. They will naturally assume as an eccentric writer that I am either contemplating some deep thoughts for a future book or am just simply being “creative”.
Millions of Books: I can honestly say that I have never heard a response quite like that to that particular question.
ME: Don’t act too disturbed, it’s not like I showed you any pictures.
And in case you were wondering I had the YouTube video removed last summer too.
In all fairness, I was in a dark place, if you know what I mean.
Millions of Books: Ok, then, let’s move on…
Will you be planning a book tour?
ME: Yes, I will and in case you were wondering, I will be fully clothed.
Millions of Books: Ok, Ah, I enjoyed reading the back cover, but I was wondering why you didn’t have any pictures of yourself on the back cover.
ME: The staff and book coordinating team at Page Publishing asked the same question and my response was that” I think” I look like Burt Reynolds from his “Smokey and the Bandit” days, with the black mustache and dashing demeanor.
But in actuality I look like Billy Bob Thornton’s “Sling Blade” character.
I was afraid it would confuse and disturb the readers if they saw a picture of me.
Millions of Books: I can see that
ME: (My Impression) “You want some mustard with them biscuits”
Millions of Books: That’s uncanny and a little disturbing
ME: I think my bad haircut accentuates the impression don’t you?
Millions of Books: Let’s get back on track here shall we?
Why should perspective readers purchase your book?
ME: I think there is something in the book for just about anyone to enjoy regardless of age from any part of the country etc. Something they can relate to, to make them laugh and more than a few stories to make them “think”.
Millions of Books: I read several stories and I particularly enjoyed the story you wrote entitled “All I know About Women.” So let me ask you, did you intentionally leave those pages blank in the story?
ME: Of course I did, I was being honest. I don’t know anything about women and I can give references to support my claim.
Millions of Books: A lot of the stories about you growing up in the Foster Care System, is that correct?
ME: That’s true, but there is humor in those stories too.
Millions of Books: I fail to see how you would find humor growing up in such an environment.
ME: And that is the reason for the title of the book, “Sunnyside Up”, it’s all in how you view the trials and tribulations of life. It’s a choice we make, daily.
Millions of Books: I would categorize that as rather noble.
ME: Speaking of noble, “Sunnyside Up” is not only available on Amazon but on the Barnes AND Noble website as well. In case you were wondering, that was a shameless plug, by the way.
Millions of Books: You sir are quite a character
ME: Thank you, I like “characters with character” and the book is full of stories about characters with character.
Millions of Books: Have you had any immediate response to your book being released?
ME: I have dear friends that have encouraged me throughout the years that are as ecstatic as I am about the release of the book, while others have been less than receptive.
Millions of Books: For example?
ME: Carl at my local county dump, who is included in at least one story in the book, was less than receptive because as he stated so eloquently “It ain’t got no pictures in it”.
But then again I believe he is functionally illiterate.
So there you go.
Millions of Books: Anything special you are planning for your book tour?
ME: I will be bringing my closest companion my Black Lab “Doc” on the book tour with me in case someone wants him to sign their book too.
Millions of Books: That’s inventive
ME: Not really, I don’t go anywhere without my best friend. Also too, he is a handsome rascal and will attract people to the book tour, just because he is “Doc”.
Millions of Books: “IF” this book is successful do you see any changes it will make to your life?
ME: I don’t believe in the “IF”, I believe this is what the Lord wants me to do. But to answer your question, the success of this book will allow Doc to have more of his squeaky tennis balls that he loves so much.
Other than that, I am still the same guy I’ve always been.
Millions of Books: There is a chapter in the book entitled “Christmas”, do you think that will alienate Muslims and other faiths and non-faiths from buying your book?
ME: I am sure there is something in “Sunnyside Up” to offend just about anyone that wants to be offended. Again, it’s all in your perspective.
Millions of Books: You were in the military right? You have several military stories too correct?
Me: I was in the Marine Corps, but we aren’t in the military we are a cult. But to answer your question, “Yes” I have several stories about the military in the book that should entertain any reader, even from my fellow cultist.
Millions of Books: I’m sorry, what? The Marine Corps is in the military, right?
Me: You sir, have been watching far too much CNN
Millions of Books: Just a few more questions, do you feel that your book is written from a “Southern Centric” viewpoint?
ME: Well, since I’m not from New York, California or Minnesota, then it would have to be from where I grew up don’t you think?
Millions of Books: We wish you much success on your book “Sunnyside Up”
ME: Thank you so very much, I really appreciate it.
Millions of Books: Do you have anything you would like to say or leave the readers with in this interview?
ME: God Bless you all and Roll Tide
THE CFB WIZARD