Ladies and Gentlemen –
I hope you all survived your respective holidays…
By now the Christmas and Hanukkah wrapping and the boxes have all been discarded and the last of your Aunt Regina’s “Turkey Surprise Casserole” has been sent through the garbage disposal.
And if your cousin Jimmy slipped any of that putrid concoction to any of the family pets I can assume you also have a carpet cleaner to return before New Years Eve.
So as a last gift of the year from Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator
I present…
The last installment of the 2016 College Football Bowls
Enjoy…
Christmas Rewind…
Yet another Christmas has come and gone and another New Year awaits us all.
I want to take a moment to thank you all for reading both The CFB Wizard and MikeRights.com, it has truly been a pleasure to entertain you and occasionally give you something to think about as this year comes to a close.
The next article will be out the week before the National Championship game providing of course my liver survives the Playoff game in Atlanta. In the event that doesn’t work out My Black Lab “Doc” will take over writing duties for that article.
But please be patient with him in that event. He hasn’t mastered “spell check” yet.
END OF THE YEAR EMAILS QUESTIONS and ANSWERS
Q: Hello and Greetings!
Hello my name is Schwinn and I am the biggest Coach Urban Myer and Ohio State Buckeye Fan in the Country. You don’t believe me??
Enclosed is my picture on my Christmas card this year and guess what?
I knitted the sweater myself made entirely from the hair balls my Himalayan cat “Brutus” spit up over the past year. The sweater design is “my” interpretation of the emotional high I get from watching my beloved Buckeyes play football!
So here is my question! Drum Roll Please!
Do you think “Brutus” is the greatest mascot in all of college football?
Because I do!
Go Buckeyes!
Schwinn – Columbus, Ohio
A: I find it ironic that you are enamored with the Ohio State mascot….
Since you are both clearly nuts…
Q: Dear Mr. CFB Wizard
I really enjoyed your article on “Hypocrisy” and the recent decisions (and subsequent) excuses by the College Football Playoff Committee.
Well done sir, that article encapsulated the height of hypocrisy in our country today.
Thank you
Sincerely –
Jim – Jacksonville, Florida
A: Thank you Jim, but I would beg to differ on your last point.
To me the “height of hypocrisy” in our country today is heard across the headlines today.
While a million or more military personnel had their personal and military information “hacked” by unknown parties a year or so ago, nobody in the government blinked an eye.
Nobody got fired and nobody got their underwear in a knot over it.
However you let someone hack some democrats emails and you have a full on crap storm of biblical proportions and “sanctions” against another government and “Outrage” by the media and those in the government.
That my friend is indeed the “height” of Hypocrisy
Q: Dear Racist Wizard
Yeah you racist, I’m talking to you.
Who calls themselves a wizard if they ain’t in the Klan?
I bet you use racist words all the time don’t Grand Wizard?
I hope you die
Anonymous – St. Louis, Missouri
A: Well actually “anonymous” the only time people like me use racist words is when we choose to sing along to songs on the radio’s “Hip Hop Rap” channel.
I think that was an “O’ Snap” moment, wasn’t it?
Q: Dear CFB Wizard
I am so embarrassed I can’t think straight.
My 78 year old grandmother Martha who we call “Nana” has gone out of her mind.
Last year she wanted all of us grandkids to start calling her “Elvira” and she would wear the most outlandish outfits to town, it’s was just horrible.
This past fall we placed her in an assisted living home near our home in Dahlonega, Georgia and we thought all was going well and that she was adjusting to her new surroundings and acting like the “Nana” we had come to love and admire.
Then she sent out “this” Christmas card…..
I Know…
I Know….
If this situation couldn’t possibly get any worse, it has.
Nana is now a Georgia Tech Fan
Sincerely –
The Roger’s Family – Dahlonega, Georgia
A: It could always be worse Roger’s Family…
Your Nana could be Florida State Seminole Fan, because she is kind of dressed like one in that picture.
I’m just saying…
Q: Hello!
Yes I am the Afghan “Ayatollah of the Rock and Roll-a” here in Afghanistan!
I play the Rock and Roll music and will be Rock of Star here in my country!
My question, sir, do you have any suggestion on the how to get record contract?
Thank you and Peace unto you
Ayatollah of the Rock and Roll-a” – Kabul, Afghanistan
A: Thank you for your kind email…
But my advice is simply this
I would be very careful in your country singing the Foghat classic “Stone Blue” or any other song related to rocks, because getting “stoned” here doesn’t have the same meaning as it does in your country, if you know what I mean.
Q: Hey Man!
How come you don’t ever reference any modern music, it’s all that oldies stuff and you got to know people today don’t relate to your music references. You know what I mean?
Play a video of Kayne or Jay Z or Beyonce or somebody to get your audience in the right mindset and bring those young audience members back.
What do say man?
Turner G – Raleigh, North Carolina
A: Thank you for your email Turner….
Simply put, I don’t listen to music where the singer or someone reading the lyrics attempts to infuse as many words into a song that rhymes with “truck” with constant references to “Ho’s” and derogatory references to authority figures.
But that being said, if want to listen to how “real” music was made….
Not only did the great Staple Singers sing (not mouth the words at the cyclic rate) but the message is good and the song itself…
Well that’s what used to be called “baby making music”
“Respect Yourself” and you just might learn something
Q: Dear Mister CFB Wizard
It’s Alabaster Saginaw from Montgomery Alabama and I wrote you earlier in the season, not only congratulating you on a witting and informative format but your prognostications are worthy of praise.
So without further ado, I want to award you with the first ever “Alabaster Saginaw Award and Certificate of Achievement” worthy of framing in your abode or office.
You will notice the embossed logo in gold leaf of me Alabaster Saginaw to make it official. Thank you again for your commentaries and witty prognostications this year and congratulations on winning the first ever “Alabaster Saginaw Award and Certificate of Achievement”.
Alabaster Saginaw- Montgomery, Alabama
A: Thank you so much for the, ah award… Alabaster Saginaw
It certainly beats the “award’ I was bestowed upon last year by none other than..
“Ben from Dover Delaware”
And before you ask “NO” I don’t display my “Ben Dover Award”
Q: What’s Up Mister Wizard?
Did 2016 suck possum butt or what? I can’t wait for this damn year to be over with.
The Damn Tennessee Volunteers
Damn Vanderbilt
Damn Butch Jones, Damn it
Skeeter Richardson – Harriman, Tennessee
A: Sounds like you got a sour stomach…..
The only healthy way to live as I see it Skeeter is to enjoy all the little things in life.
Your Volunteers are the fourth best team in the State of Tennessee
Behind Chattanooga who made the playoffs, Memphis and certainly Vanderbilt.
So just think if the Carson Newman Eagles wouldn’t have had a down year, they could have been fifth, so there is always something to be thankful for.
You are Welcome
THE BOWL GAMES
Thursday, December 29
Birmingham Bowl
This game is played in the “Iron City” of Alabama….
Some of the best days of my life have been at Legion Field
Forgive me if I tear up while watching this game and thinking of days gone by
I’m sentimental like that…
South Florida and South Carolina
GAMECOCKS 31-28
Belk Bowl
My gosh can’t these sponsors get anything right?
It’s called a “Belt” for goodness sakes.
You don’t wear a “belk” around your waist do you?
Of course not…
(Point made)
Arkansas and Virginia Tech
RAZORBACKS 38-34
Valero Alamo Bowl
As I have stated in past articles….
The first thing I do every morning
Is to “Remember the Alamo”
Enough said….
Oklahoma State and Colorado
WYNONNA’S BUFFALOS 41-38
Friday, December 30
AutoZone Liberty Bowl
There are few things as exciting as Memphis on New Years Eve…
Minus the random shootings, drunken brawls and smell of urine in the streets
But the Barbeque is outstanding!
Georgia and Texas Christian
SMART DAWGS 34-24
Hyundai Sun Bowl
I am just glad this wasn’t called “The Mitsubishi Rising Sun Bowl”
Or you might have some angry World War II guys down there with guns.
Stanford and North Carolina
TAR HEELS 28-14
Franklin American Mortgage Music City Bowl
This Bowl game sponsorship is far too busy for me…
There is “Franklin the American”, ok….
Somebody with a mortgage, maybe it’s Franklin we don’t really know
Then we mix all that up with “Music City” which is Nashville.
That gave me a headache just writing it…
Nebraska and Tennessee
CHILDREN OF THE CORN 41-34
Nova Home Loans Arizona Bowl
See the Bowl game description above and take two Tylenol…
South Alabama and Air Force
FALCONS 38-24
Capital One Orange Bowl
This Bowl game is like trying to decide who to pull for in a War between…
Syria and Iran
Can’t they both lose?
Michigan and Florida State
WOLVERINES 28-24
Saturday, December 31
Buffalo Wild Wings Citrus Bowl
I had no idea that Wynonna had her own wings and I also didn’t know…
She liked them with orange juice on them.
Which I personally think is gross
LSU and Louisville
HEY FIGHTN’ TIGERS 34-24
TaxSlayer Bowl
Sadly this sponsor is NOT what I thought it was….
When I first read “Tax Slayer” I thought someone was disbanding the IRS
I’m sorry to report that isn’t the case.
Georgia Tech and Kentucky
BLUE CATS 34-31
Chick-fil-A Peach Bowl
I am nervous about this game….
I’m as jumpy as a cat in a rocking chair factory
It’s going to be close
Alabama and Washington
CRIMSON TIDE 34-31
Playstation Fiesta Bowl
I am making this pick based solely on my heart of hearts
Just so you know…
Ohio State and Clemson
DABO’S TIGERS 31-28
Monday, 2 January 2017
Outback Bowl
I don’t care the Alabama game was over just the other night….
Florida and Iowa
HAWKEYES 34-17
Goodyear Cotton Bowl Classic
I hope they win too, I hate to start drinking in the morning
Western Michigan and Wisconsin
BADGERS 41-21
Rose Bowl presented by Northwestern Mutual
The Nittany Lions should have played “On New Years Eve” if you know what I mean
Enough said…
Southern California and Penn State
NITTANY LIONS 28-24
Allstate Sugar Bowl
I know that all the pundits are calling for the Auburn win here…
As you know I am NOT a pundit, I’m Baptist
Auburn and Oklahoma
BOOMER DAMN SOONERS 34-17
Next Week…..
You will have a follow-up article in preparation to the upcoming National Championship game and one or two things to get you over your New Years college football hang over.
So Stay Tuned..
One More Thing….
I hope you all have a Healthy and Happy New Year and remember to be good to one another and yourself.
See you next year..
God Bless You All
RTR
THE CFB WIZARD