Thanksgiving College Football Picks

November 23, 2016
By

Ladies and Gentlemen –

We have quite the Thanksgiving menu in store for you this year.

This Saturday we have a cornucopia if you will, of delectable hard to find delicacies to satisfy even the most hard to please palate or pickiest eater.

What is on the menu this year you may ask?

We have Cups of Commonwealth and Cups of Apples served with a rich smooth topping of good old fashioned hate and sprinkled with just a hint of civil war.

There will be copious amounts of Sunflower Showdowns and Showdowns with Sunshine, with special egg bowls topped along with a War on I-4 and they are all tastefully displayed in an Old Oaken Bucket.

If any of you need to cut the tension of the day’s events, just ring one of the many victory bells in attendance and we will bring you Paul Bunyan’s Axe to use as you see fit.

And last but certainly not least…..

The main course will be served in an “Iron Bowl”

And as always…..

Since this is “rivalry weekend” these delightful games will be smothered in “Hate and Discontent” which is a lot less caloric than gravy or dressing, but the taste will nonetheless stay in your mouth all year.

Enjoy….

Happy-Thanksgiving-Quotes

WEEKEND REWIND….

We have a lot to discuss this week so let’s just get right to it….

Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator not only picked Florida over LSU, Virginia Tech over Notre Dame and Oklahoma over West Virginia but went a rather astounding 55 and 5 or 92% for the week.

EDITORS NOTE:
In all fairness I can’t brag too much…

My Black Lab “Doc” went 10 and 0 with “his” picks last week.

But certainly there were some games that I “Missed”….

I most certainly missed the Texas game, but then again this time of year I also miss the “Lone Star Showdown” between Texas A&M and Texas.

But there is no sense in crying over spilled hate….

The CFB Wizard currently stands at 583 and 130 or 82% for the 2016 season.

All things considered…

That’s not too bad.

THE CFB WIZARD CLASSIFIEDS

EDITORS NOTE:
Please don’t let the last word in the sentence disturb you…

Unlike Hillary Clinton I “know” how to handle classified information.

But this isn’t what this is all about; it’s time for a brief commercial break to pay the bills.

I really have nothing to say about this week’s sponsor, other than..

Times are Tough here at The CFB Wizard

(Enough said)

Enjoy…

ViPoop

Vipoop1

COLLEGE FOOTBALL NEWS

NOTRE DAME: So now the NCAA is taking “wins” away from the Fighting Irish?

How did the fair-haired child of college football turn into the red headed step kid?

It begs the question….

STANFORD: That whole “We Want Bama” song at the beginning of the season sounds kind of ridiculous about now, doesn’t it?

LSU: For the record…..

The Tiger Athletic Department is “NOT” the dumbest Athletic Department in College Football, as long the current administration remains at the Athletic Department at the University of Texas.

TEXAS: (Please see the above comment)

BAYLOR: Let me be sure I have this right…

You had a head football coach and athletic administration that were complacent to reports of football player’s raping students and now “some” of the fans and boosters want the coach to return to the team and coach?

I have an idea that may satisfy the Baylor Bear Faithful….

“IF” this is the kind of behavior that will be tolerated why not hire former Tennessee football coach Phil Fulmer, I heard he was still looking for a job.

THE SEC WRAP-UP: Once again this week’s wrap-up of the Southeastern Conference will be conducted by my good buddy from Birmingham Alabama.

Mr. Jermaine “Funnymaine” Johnson

I love this guy…

IRON BOWL: The great Keith Jackson, the voice of college football had this to say about the game between Alabama and Auburn.

“There are rivalries and there are rivalries, then there is Alabama and Auburn.”

And just to be clear….

There can be no “House Divided” on this game

We can’t date each other, marry each other or even be friends this week.

Its Alabama and Auburn

EMAIL QUESTIONS and ANSWERS

Q: Heh Mizzer Wizzerd,

Mah nim is edge Oggeron n iimma cooch atta ELESSYOU n I wanna teyeh dat I wanna cooch at ELESSYOU permnately. Butchu know dat mebbe won’t not happen so ah jes wanna trow my hat inna ring rat naw fer some udder job somewhere jess in case.

I mean, I gotta heckuva in’trim won-loss recerd an if mebbe Notah Dame er Arizona or sumbuddy need a defense cordnater dat dey might wanna ease on inta a head coach should dey be a need den I’m available.
 
Edge Oggeron
LSU Intrim Football Coach

A: I’m sorry I don’t speak “mumble”.

Q: Dear Football Wizard Man

I’m as mad as a possum with a plastic sweet potato!!

I done found out that damn Ed McMahon done screwed me out of my Publishers House of Clearing large novelty check!

I had a been getting letters from Lying Ed McMahon for damn weeks that I “might” be a winner, the damn liar!

Then my wife done said she was a bringing back some eucalyptus something or another to help with my sinus’s and I done told her I ain’t licking no walrus’s butt!

I ain’t gonna do it!

Then I went and lost my damn family hair loom and I can’t find the damn thing no wheres! It was a Dale Earnhardt collectable salt and pepper shaker set my wife’s cousin bought at Daytona Beach last year!

So with thanksgiving about here what the heck to I have to be thankful for?

I ask you!!

Thanks and Go Vols!

Rick – Strawberry Plains, Tennessee

A: Rick, look on the bright side….

As a Tennessee fan you always have the Music City Bowl to look forward too.

Go Vowels

Q: Hello and The Greetings!

Yes I am Abbad and live in the Iran.

We hear the song of the school “Sweet Home Allah Bama” and yes make us most happy!

Thank you!

We not know that so many Muslims in university and state of the Allah Bama!

Yes Allah is the Sweet Home!

We still hate the great satan of America but love the Allah Bama!

Yes!

Thank you and much success

Abbad – Tehran, Iran

A: This email was obviously written by a smart-ass Auburn fan….

Roll Tide Jackass

THE GAMES

Tuesday 22 November

Akron at Ohio
This game will be a barn burner….
(I’m joking of course)
FRANK’S CATS 9-3

Miami (OH) at Ball State
Yawn…..
21-20

Central Michigan at Eastern Michigan
There are more directions in this game than on a Rand McNally map…
EAGLES 26-21

Thursday 24 November

LSU at Texas A&M
It’s time for Ole Coach “O” to “Geaux”
GIG EM AGGIES 28-17

Friday 25 November

Buffalo at Bowling Green
Lets be honest with each other
We don’t care about this game…
FALCONS 38-14

Toledo at Western Michigan
The Bronco’s of Western are for real….
Believe it
BRONCO’S 41-24

Louisiana Tech at Southern Miss
This Deep South rivalry is known as….
“The Rivalry in Dixie”
It’s been going on since 1935….
Hold on to your seats….
GOLDEN EAGLES 31-28

Houston at Memphis
Five words for Memphis….
“Elvis has left the building”
COUGARS 41-28

Nebraska at Iowa
You may say that I am crazy and out of my mind on this pick….
To be honest…
It’s nothing I haven’t already heard from mental health professionals
CHILDREN OF THE CANDY CORN 28-21

North Carolina State at North Carolina
This instate battle on the old Tobacco Road is always a good one…
My Black Lab “Doc” just barked…
“Upset Special”
(Seriously he did, don’t judge him)
WOLFPACK 28-24

Arkansas at Missouri
MO don’t know Barbeque…
That’s all I’m saying
RAZORBACKS 34-14

Washington at Washington State
This is the game for the coveted….
“Apple Cup”
Too bad it’s not called the “Fruit Cup”
You might be able to get Elton John to come sing “Candle in the Wind”
HUSKIES 38-34

Boise State at Air Force
Don’t be surprised if this score and the outcome is reversed….
I won’t be
BRONCO’S 41-34

Texas Christian at Texas
Sorry Charlie…..
But this is your last hurrah
HOOK EM HORNS 31-28

Baylor at Texas Tech
Nothing says “Thanksgiving” quite like….
A masked rider on a black horse carrying firearms galloping down the field..
No wait..
That’s Christmas at my house….
(Never mind)
GET THOSE GUNS UP!
RED RAIDERS 41-24

Cincinnati at Tulsa
In case you were wondering….
Around The CFB Wizard Headquarters these games are known as..
“Fillers”
BEARKATS

Arizona State at Arizona
This game in the land of cactus, desert and searing heat…
Is known as…
“The Duel in the Desert”
(Queue the theme from “The Good, the Bad and the Ugly”)
SUNNY DEVILS 44-24

Saturday 26 November

FCS Playoffs

Chattanooga and Weber State
I don’t know about the boys from the Grill and Smoker Academy…
But the Mighty Moc’s are the Real Deal
Believe it
MIGHTY MOCS 34-17

Division II Playoffs

North Alabama and UNC Pembroke
Surely you know my pick by now….
After all…
I’m an Alabama man
FLORENCE LIONS 41-21

Tuskegee and North Greenville
The last Tuskegee Airman, Master Sergeant Willie N. Rogers passed away last week at the age of 101 years old. He was a humble man of quiet dignity who treated everyone with respect. Sir, this pick is for you…
GOLDEN TIGERS 34-31

Virginia at Virginia Tech
This game in the Great Commonwealth of Virginia….
Is played each year for “The Commonwealth Cup”
It’s Thanksgiving, you have to go with the Turkey’s
HOKIES 28-21

Central Florida at South Florida
( Drum roll please…)
This game in the Sunshine State is “The War on I-4”
It’s unclear if actual drive-by’s or gunfire is involved
More on this story as it develops
O’ SO VERY GOLDEN KNIGHTS 28-24

East Carolina at Temple
Listen closely….
“IF” you have any friends or relatives that confess to actually caring about this game, then you need to consider that as a “Cry for Help”
PIRATES 21-17

Navy at Southern Methodist
This rivalry game between two of my favorite teams…
Is played for the “Gansz Trophy”
I wish I could pick my beloved Ponies in this one…
But I can’t, sorry
GOOOOOOOOOOO NAVY 41-28

Illinois at Northwestern
This old Big Ten (or something) Conference rivalry…
Is played for the “Land of Lincoln Trophy”
Slightly off the topic….
My favorite part of the movie “Lincoln” was at the end…
What, too soon?
WILDCATS 24-17

Michigan State at Penn State
I know this is a big game in the Big Ten…
I get it, you don’t have to remind me
But the Iron Bowl is getting ready to start, so I don’t care
NITTANY LIONS 31-24

Minnesota at Wisconsin
You can always tell if it’s a good rivalry game….
“IF” the winner of the game get’s a weapon
This one is played for “Paul Bunyan’s Axe”
I think the gophers get hacked…
MEN OF CHEESE 34-17

Notre Dame at Southern California
This rivalry game….
Is played for highly coveted “Jeweled Shillelagh”
As opposed to the “Bedazzled Shillelagh”
Or the “Infected Shillelagh”
(The last one is disgusting, don’t Google it please)
TROJANS 41-24

Florida at Florida State
The Sunshine Showdown….
It’s going to be close….
Real close
MIGHTY GATORS 24-21

UCLA at California
This rivalry in the land of diversity, illegal aliens and mudslides…
Doesn’t have a name…
But “if” I were to give a nickname
I would call it the “San Andreas Fault Bowl”
It gives one the feeling of impending doom, which is nice
O’ SO VERY GOLDEN BEARS 41-31

Oregon at Oregon State
The game is known simply as “The Civil War”
But believe me, there isn’t anything “civil” about this game
BEAVERS 28-24

Rice at Stanford
Yippee!
It’s the “Smart Kids Bowl”
CARDINAL 38-17

South Carolina at Clemson
The Battle for the Palmetto State….
It’s going to be a tussle from start to finish
Believe it
DABO’S TIGERS 41-21

Kentucky at Louisville
This Battle in the Bluegrass is played for “The Commonwealth Cup”
It was known by it’s earlier name up until last year…
When it was called “The Blue Cat Beat Down”
BOBBY’S BIRDS 44-34

Duke at Miami
I wouldn’t pull for the Blue Devils if they were playing against Syria
HURRICANES 34-24

Western Kentucky at Marshall
I hate to go against the Mighty Thundering Herd…
But I have feeling on this one
HILLTOPPERS 38-34

Georgia Tech at Georgia
This Rivalry in the Peach State is known simply as…
“Clean Old Fashioned Hate”
In case you were wondering…
That is an accurate description of this rivalry
SMART DAWGS 28-24

Rutgers at Maryland
I know you don’t care about this game…
You know it and I know it
So let’s move on
BUTT UGLY UNIFORMED TURTLES 21-17

Michigan at Ohio State
This is “The Game” in the Big Ten….
It’s going to be close and it could easily go either way
Believe it
BUCKEYES 24-21

Purdue at Indiana
This game in Hoosier Land is played for “The Old Oaken Bucket”
Not to be confused with the rivalry game for “The Plastic Bucket”
Or the game for the “Bedazzled Ceramic Bucket”
Or my all time favorite….
“The slightly used urine Bucket”
HOOSIER DADDY 38-17

Kansas at Kansas State
This game in land where the state tree is a telephone pole..
Is called “The Sunflower Showdown”
The best description of Kansas comes from the movie “The Outlaw Josey Wales”….
“There are three kinds of suns from Kansas….”
“Sunshine….
“Sunflowers….
“And Son of a ….”
(Well, you know the rest)
BILLS CATS 38-14

Syracuse at Pittsburgh
I wasn’t aware there was a game near the Arctic Circle this weekend…
Who knew?
PANTHERS 34-21

Boston College at Wake Forest
I would rather watch Wynonna Judd pole dance than watch this game….
That is if they actually made a pole that would hold the third largest mammal that walks upright, which they don’t by the way.
DEMON DEACONS 28-21

Auburn at Alabama
It’s the Iron Bowl
It’s Democrats verses Republicans
It’s Cowboy against the Indians
It’s Oil and Water
Except it’s worse than that….
Way Worse
CRIMSON TIDE 28-24

Mississippi State at Ole Miss
“The Egg Bowl”
This instate rivalry battle in the beautiful magnolia state has it all….
Arguments….
Fights….
Hate….
Discontent….
And that’s just in the parking lot before the football game
BLACK BEAR REBELS 31-28

West Virginia at Iowa State
Nothing says Thanksgiving in Morgantown like a burning couch…
Don’t question it…
It’s a Holiday Tradition
Light those Couches!
MOUNTAINEERS 44-21

Troy at Texas State
The Mighty Men of Troy disappointed me last week….
Not this week….
MEN OF TROY 41-24

Florida Atlantic at Middle Tennessee
We get it already!
One coast of Florida is ON the Atlantic Coast!
You don’t have to keep reminding us!
BLUE RAIDERS 44-21

Tennessee at Vanderbilt
This “rivalry” in the state of Tennessee is known as….
“The Battle of the Banjos”
Ironically the barefooted kid from the movie “Deliverance” will be in attendance.
VOWELS 34-17

Utah at Colorado
I can’t wait to see Wynonna Judd run onto the field in her decorative Thanksgiving fur coat, no wait. That’s back hair, never mind.
WYNONNA’S 38-31

Utah State at Brigham Young
Nothing like a rivalry game in Mormon Country!!
Hot chocolate and caffeine free diet coke for everyone!
WOOOOOOOO!!
Crank up the Donny and Marie Osmond!
COUGARS 38-17

Next Week….

Providing that I survive the Iron Bowl your college football picks will be out next Thursday as you have come to expect, along with a “new” story on Mikerights.com for you as well.

One More Thing….

Please don’t forget to check out the story tomorrow on “The CFB Wizard” by Harley, it’s all about being thankful.

And If I haven’t mentioned it in a while, I am thankful for all of you loyal and not so loyal readers that continue to read the weekly picks and Mikerights.com.

I truly appreciate it

Happy Thanksgiving

RTR
THE CFB WIZARD

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