College Football Picks Week 11 (Marine Corps Edition)

November 10, 2016
By

Ladies and Gentlemen –

Your Marine Corps Birthday and Veteran’s Day Picks await you….

Please don’t worry or be alarmed…

You don’t have to be either of the above to enjoy the college football picks and commentary that is before you.

But it is worth noting that today, November 10th is the 241st Birthday of the United States Marine Corps and although we are considered by many to be in the “military” what we actually are is a “cult”.

We are a cult that speaks a strange dialect that will occasionally bark like dogs, is always referring to some guy named “Roger” while blowing things up, carries a lot of firearms and doesn’t put their hands in their pockets as in never ever put their hands in their pockets.

EDITORS NOTE: I hope that cleared up any misunderstanding about us

Happy Birthday to all my Marine Brothers and Sisters, God Bless You All

MarineCorps

Don’t forget that Friday is “Veteran’s Day”

And do us all a favor…..

Don’t thank a veteran for their “service”

Thank them for your freedom

Because that’s what their sacrifice bought you

Your Freedom

Enjoy Your Picks

Weekend Rewind…..

Although Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator missed a “few” Upsets last week, namely Nebraska over Ohio State….

EDITORS NOTE: In all honestly My Black Lab “Doc” and I were drinking when we were making some of the picks last week. (Don’t judge us)

The CFB Wizard did however hit the “Upset Special” of Navy over Notre Dame leaving last week at 48 and 8 or 86% so please don’t criticize “Doc” and me for engaging in a little “Pre-gaming” before last Saturday.

We currently stand at 483 and 109 or 82% for the season, which oddly enough was the exact score “Doc” got on his last driving test to receive his drivers license.

And before you ask, “yes” that is legal; after all I live in Tennessee.


COLLEGE FOOTBALL NEWS

NOVEMBER: Please listen closely….

Don’t take this little talk as an “intervention”

But we have to discuss a few things

You seem to have lost your way the past ten days….

All I want to say is you don’t have to feel like you need to be like “April”

Don’t feel like you have to be like “September” either

You are better than that and there is nothing to be jealous of…..

You are “Bad Ass” NOVEMBER, so act like it!

I am serious, get that cold wind and rain going that you are famous for, throw some snow and sleet in there for good measure. That’s who you are!

So stop being a sissy and start acting like November!

Thank you

DELTA STATE: I make no secret here that I love the Fighting Okra…

But I’m mad and I’m upset with Delta State

The “administration” of Delta State recently decided that “they” will no longer fly the Mississippi state flag on campus, despite the fact they are in Mississippi, because they feel the confederate flag symbol in the upper left hand corner of the state flag is “offensive”.

Really, that offends you?

I will tell you what offends me.

This kind of ridiculous mentality of everyone is a “victim” and everyone gets “offended”
But unlike so many other people that just want to be “offended”, I have a solution.

“IF” you don’t “like” it leave and go someplace else.

Faculty, student’s janitors, whatever, just leave and go someplace more prone to wussy’s.

Problem solved

Same goes for cry bay celebrities and other “Burger King” kids who want everything “Their Way” and one other thing. Don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out the door.

You are Welcome America

OHIO STATE: DAMNNNNNNNNNNN I didn’t see last week’s score coming

NEBRASKA:
(Please see the above, but not in the same context)

NAVY: GOOOOOOOOOOOO NAVY! (Told you so)

THE SEC WRAP-UP:
This Week’s Southeastern Conference wrap up is brought to you again this week by my dear friend from Birmingham Alabama…..

Mr. Jermaine “Funnymaine” Johnson

I love this guy

Enjoy….


EMAIL QUESTIONS and ANSWERS

Q: Dear Mister College Football Wizard

I have a question that I hope you can help me with for school.

We are studying modes of travel and how long it takes to get to and from locations from around the country. I choose to use college football as an example for my class.

So here is my question, on ESPN’s College Football Game Day, sometimes Kirk Herbsteit has to leave the show immediately after Coach Corso puts on his head gear selection to go across the country to be a commentator in a college football game.

How do the college football commentators get from one location to another so fast?

Thank you!!

Evan – Niceville, Florida

A: I am more than happy to help you Evan!

There are various forms of transportation the college football analyst and commentators take to get to their respective college football game locations and each represents it’s on mode of transportation and speed of travel.

As an example….

Immediately after the ESPN College Football Game Day set has wrapped up, Kirk Herbsteit will board a private Gulfstream G5 bound for his football game.

It will get Kirk to his location, fast!

Contrary to that “mode” of transportation…..

ESPN commentator Beth Mowins will fly to her college football location on a broom

And Colorado’s famed mascot and country music singer “Wynonna Judd” will travel to her game by either cattle trailer or in a large eighteen wheeler trailer designed for big hairy beasts with bad attitudes.

Q: Hey College Wizard Football Whatever

Let me tell you something, I am upset with the fighting Irish of Notre Dame!

Fighting Irisih my fat ass, they couldn’t beat a box of roman noodles to submission.

Damn it

Damn it, I thought we where going to the championship.

Damn it Kelly!

I forgot whjat I was going to ask

Sorry

Sean – Southbend, Indiana

A: It’s ok Sean, just sleep it off. It could always be worse….

You could lose to Army…

This Saturday

Q: Greeting Kind Sir!

I have question for you my good man!

As an avid gamer I enjoy many fantasy type online gaming experiences!

It has opened my eyes to several “new” and exciting worlds!

So my question is simply this and don’t close your mind off either!

Do you believe in Dragons?

Thank you!

Skip – Cincinnati, Ohio

A: I sure do believe in Dragons Skip….

Every single morning…

I find myself dragon my ass out of bed for reasons I can’t quite explain.

Q: Dear Mr. CFB Wizard

Please refrain from writing profane and hurtful comments about the legendary country music superstar Kenny Rogers.

For the record Mr. Rogers has NOT had any plastic surgery (None) and does NOT deserve your ridicule or foolish rhetoric.

Sincerely

Renny Kogers – Nashville, Tennessee

A: Ok, Ok…..

Mr. “Kogers”

Kenny Rodgers hasn’t had any bad plastic surgery, Michael Jackson didn’t touch any little boys, Hillary Clinton never (ever) lied and monkeys don’t throw their own poop.

Next week, we will have more news from “Delusional Island” with Miley Cyrus

THE GAMES

Tuesday 8 November

Western Michigan at Kent State
Have you noticed how good I am with these Tuesday and Wednesday games?
It’s scary how good I am
BRONCOS 37-21

Wednesday 9 November

Bowling Green at Akron
This rivalry within the Buckeye state is called….
“The Battle of I-75” and it’s played for the “Peace Pipe Trophy”
The hookah pipe goes too…
FALCONS 38-28

Thursday 10 November

North Carolina at Duke
This rivalry on tobacco road is played for the “Victory Bell”
Let Freedom Ring….
TAR HEELS 34-28

Louisiana Lafayette at Georgia Southern
I know too many Marines from South Georgia to make any other pick…
SOUTHERN EAGLES 38-24

Utah at Arizona State
Stop me if you have heard this one….
“Two Utes walk into a bar and ask the bartender who is the devil with a sunburn…”
Never mind, I told that one last year….
Sorry…
TWO UTES 41-21

Friday 11 November

Boston College at Florida State
Happy Veterans Day….
SEMINOLES 44-14

Saturday 12 November

Colorado at Arizona
I hope Wynonna’s back fur doesn’t get flaky in that dry Arizona heat…
I worry about that big hairy girl sometimes
WYNONNA’S 44-17

Juniata at Susquehanna
I wait all year for this rivalry between these two big gals from the trailer park.
Let’s break this fight down shall we?
Susie Q has reportedly been watching all the “Sweating to the Oldies” with Richard Simmons during the off season and has never been in better shape in her life.

Juanita on the other hand has been “dieting” at Golden Corral and working out by lifting concrete yard art around the trailer park.

It’s going to be a titanic battle between these ladies, and before the afternoon is over the battlefield will smell like White Rain hair spray and burned Lee Press On nails…

The Winner is….
J-LO 24-21

Kentucky at Tennessee
This border rivalry is a bitter one….
It used to be called…
The Battle for the Barrel”|
But since nondrinking do-gooders got involved in the rivalry..
It’s now played for a pack of Twizzler’s and a Dr. Pepper.
And the snack pack goes too….
VOWELS 38-34

Ole Miss at Texas A&M
I couldn’t pull for the Black Bear Rebels if they were playing against Syria…
GIG EM AGGIES 41-28

Oregon State at UCLA
If you know anything about Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator…
Then you know he has been a fan of the Beavers since puberty…
Just saying…
BEAVERS 31-28

Indiana State at North Dakota State
November in Fargo North Dakota…
Playing in the Fargo Dome….
It’s going to get loud
MIGHTY BISON 34-17

Stanford at Oregon
This once marquee game….
Has all the excitement now of two tree sloths picking one another for fleas
It’s sad really…
CARDINAL 7-6

Baylor at Oklahoma
The Boomer Sooner took a while this season to get started…
But now it’s Rolling..
BOOMER DAMN SOONER 41-24

LSU at Arkansas
This vicious (bitter) rivalry is played for the “Golden Boot”
But this game is more than just a huge trophy…
It’s about pride and bragging rights
And this year it’s all about the…
RAZORBACKS 31-17

Carson Newman at Tusculum
I cannot in good conscience pick any team that sounds like it’s something you cough up after drinking a glass of buttermilk. Sorry….
SPARK’S EAGLES 41-38

South Carolina at Florida
I won’t sugar coat this one….
It’s going to be close and could easily go either way
Believe it
GATORS 24-21

Auburn at Georgia
This game is billed as….
“The South’s Oldest Rivalry”
The Tigers haven’t won in Athens since 2005…
My Black Lab “Doc” says that trend continues
SMART DAWGS 33-28

Northwestern at Purdue
I would watch this yet another “exciting” Big Ten (or twenty four) Rivalry
But I have already ordered “Midgets jousting on Shetland ponies” on Pay-Per-View
(Don’t judge me, it’s a pregame ritual here at the RTR Farm…)
WILDER CATS 31-28

Iowa State at Kansas
The Jayhawks are to college football as Wynonna Judd is to “Weight Watchers”
CYCLONES 34-17

Texas Tech at Oklahoma State
Oddly enough this will also be the same score when these two teams play each other in basketball later this year.
COWBOY UP! 61-58

West Virginia at Texas
I am not all that confident in this pick….
But by a prior agreement I am under obligation to pick my beloved Longhorns…
It’s a Texas thing, you wouldn’t understand
HOOK EM HORNS 38-34

Rutgers at Michigan State
If Michigan State can’t beat Rutgers they need to pack it in for the year…
MEN OF SPARTA 33-14

Ohio State at Maryland
This game is going to be uglier than poop slinging monkey in a Snicker’s factory
(Sorry for the visual)
BUCKEYES 141-3

Ouachita Baptist at Henderson State
Ole Henderson has been playing some great football as of late…
But we Baptist have to stick together
GOTCHA BAPTIST 31-28

California Davis at Montana State
I read recently that California wants to secede from the United States…
I say…
Bye…
BIG SKY CATS 34-17

Penn State at Indiana
This game will be closer than you might think….
But I am going with the Boys from Happy Valley
NITTANY LIONS 33-31

Cincinnati at Central Florida
I am not sure why we care about this game….
(I will have to talk with the CFB Wizard Staff this week about these “filler” games)
BEARKATS 33-24

Southern Methodist at East Carolina
It pains me to have to write this…..
PIRATES 38-21

Tulsa at Navy
After last week you don’t really think I am going against the mighty Midshipmen?
Certainly not…
GOOOOOOOOOO NAVY 41-17

Delta State at Florida Tech
If you followed the earlier commentary about Delta State not displaying their state flag on campus, then this pick will make perfect sense to you.
I hope the Okra get fried this week….
PANTHERS 45-21

The Citadel at Virginia Military Academy
This classic game between these two military academies…
Is called “The Military Classic of the South”
It is played for the “Silver Shako”
Why they are playing for a silver tambourine remains a mystery.
BULLDOGS 41-17

Mississippi State at Alabama
This game is always a hard fought battle and this contest will be no different
Tighten those chin straps
CRIMSON TIDE 33-21

North Carolina State at Syracuse
Although an Orange is my favorite fruit, followed by peaches and Elton John…
My Black Lab “Doc” insists upon this pick…
Good Boy
WOLFPACK 38-24

Miami at Virginia
Although I no longer live in New Orleans I am still a fan of….
HURRICANES 28-24

Wofford at Chattanooga
I do believe Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator said…..
“The Mighty Mocs will be rolling to the playoffs this year”
(You are Welcome Chattanooga)
MIGHTY MOCS 41-17

Southern Utah at Brigham Young
There is nothing quite like tailgating at a college football game drinking milk and listening to “The Best of Donny and Marie”..
Welcome to Utah
COUGARS 34-17

Notre Dame at Army
In the unlikely event that West Point beats Notre Dame…..
I am going to laugh like a lemur monkey and whizz myself while howling at the moon
FIGHTING IRISH 33-31

Vanderbilt at Missouri
Although I currently don’t have anything good to say about Vanderbilt….
Their Football Team…
Their Marching Band….
Their Hospital and Medical Staff…
But I will not pick “Protest University” under any circumstances
COMMODORES 24-21

Montana at Northern Colorado
I wish this game was being played in Big Sky Country…
It’s beautiful this time of the year…
I’m going with the Big Boys from Big Sky
GRIZZZZZZZZZZ 41-24

North Texas at Western Kentucky
This game will be a high scoring affair….
Much like Bill Clinton at an Intern Convention….
But without any nastiness
HILLTOPPERS 38-34

Southern Miss at Old Dominion
Come on Golden Eagles….
Just this one time…
Please….
GOLDEN EAGLES 34-24

Pittsburgh at Clemson
November in Death Valley…..
There can only be “One” Big Cat in the Valley of Death
DABO’S TIGERS 41-17

Georgia Tech at Virginia Tech
We are far to close to Thanksgiving to go against the fighting turkeys…
Sorry..
HOKIES 33-24

North Alabama at Mississippi College
Another “win” closer for the Lions to the playoffs…
I’m a Believer
FLORENCE LIONS 38-17

Appalachian State at Troy
Poor Troy….
That boy hasn’t been right since he feel off the swing set in fifth grade
Bless his Heart
MOUNTAINEERS 34-28

Illinois at Wisconsin
I was poised a recent rather deep philosophical question….
“IF” Illinois and Kansas played each other in football would anyone actually “win”
I didn’t have an answer to that question…
MEN OF CHEESE 235-3

Tulane at Houston
The Green Wave is more like a pea green trickle this season….
Which is gross by the way..
COUGARS 41-14

Southern Arkansas at Arkansas Monticello
This instate battle in the Great State of Arkansas is always a good one..
I know what the great Bo Jackson would say about this game
Bo Knows…
BO WEEVILS 34-28

Middle Tennessee at Marshall
It’s November in Huntington and it is close to the anniversary of the Marshall Thundering Herd plane crash that claimed the lives of all aboard on November 14, 1970.
I Remember….
And I wish I could pick the Herd on this day
BLUE RAIDERS 38-17

Wake Forest at Louisville
This game is going to be ugly….
How ugly you might ask?
Uglier than Wynonna Judd at an “All You Can Eat” Buffet
BOBBY’S BIRDS 44-17

Boise State at Hawaii
O Yeah this one will be close….
Not…
BRONCOS 67-14

South Florida at Memphis
I am an Elvis man from way back….
“Thank you, Thank you very much”
(Before you ask “Yes” I always curl my lip when I say that, it’s a requirement)
ELVIS’S TIGERS 34-17

Shorter at Valdosta State
I don’t know….
I just get the feeling that Shorter isn’t measuring up this football season
BLAZZZZZZZZZERS 44-14

Minnesota at Nebraska
I don’t recall ANY Gophers in the scary movie…
CHILDREN OF THE CORN 33-31

Southern California at Washington
I think My Black Lab “Doc” is on Roll with his picks….
I’m just saying..
HUSKIES 41-21

Michigan at Iowa
This game might be closer than the Wolverines think…
A lot closer
WOLVERINES 31-17

Colorado State at Air Force
This rivalry in the Rocky Mountains is played for “The Ram-Falcon Trophy”
I am going with the winner of the Commander in Chiefs Cup
Aim High…
FALCONS 34-31

California at Washington State
You might call this pick an “Upset”…
I would describe it as a mild irritant
MIKE’S COUGARS 44-38

Next Week…..

As you might expect Your College Football Picks will be out on the world wide webs next Thursday along with something to get you through the remainder of the season.

Spoiler Alert! (Sorry, It’s not alcohol)

So Stay Tuned…

One More Thing…

Happy Veterans Day to All My Military Brothers and Sisters….

You have made my life so much richer by your humor, counsel and friendship

God Bless You all

And once again I would like to wish all my Marine Corps Brothers and Sisters a very Happy Birthday on this the 241st Birthday of the Marine Corps.

Now get your damn hands out of your pockets and go back to work

RTR
THE CFB WIZARD

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