College Football Picks Week 9

October 28, 2015

Ladies and Gentlemen –

Welcome to Your Halloween Spook-Tacular College Football Picks.

(This is where I inject scary music, just so you know)

In this edition you will find ghosts of college football past, goblins (Which more or less look like the Purdue Cheerleaders) and other lesser beings that go bump in the night.

So hold on tight, as the chilly October wind blows into Saturday Night….

It’s going to be a fright filled day of college football


Weekend Rewind….

After looking at last week’s picks it would appear that Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator had gotten into some bad candy corn, which by the way was and is quite tasty.

But that aside, Week 8 of the College Football Season saw The CFB Wizard miss each and every “upset special” (Which was due in large part to the candy corn by the way) and going 50 and 9 or 85% for the week.

That leaves yours truly at 451 and 90 or 83% for the season.

But before we move on I feel it incumbent on me as a “celebrity” to issue a Public Service Announcement for all the children and adults out there during Halloween.

Children are so precocious and full of wonderment that they can often get caught up in the thrill and excitement of Halloween without taking the proper safety precautions.

So Please Remember…
These 7 Simple Safety Tips and Have a Safe and Enjoyable Halloween!

1.Always watch out for cars when you are out trick or treating!

2.Hold your parents hand when crossing the street!

3. Don’t accept anything that would “appear” to be chocolate from someone dressed dressed up like a proctologist

4. Don’t accept any candy from any adult wearing a gimp mask and a ball gag.

5.Don’t trick or treat in a trailer park named after a serial killer

6.Remember that unwrapped or suspicious looking candy should always be given to your younger sister or brother

7.Avoid any and all pumpkin patches; that is where former Tennessee coach Phil Fulmer lives and he will rise from the pumpkin patch and eat little children when given the opportunity. 

You Are Welcome America


Greetings from the Heart of SEC Country!!!
Here’s the bottom line. As Ric Flair used to say, if you want to be the man you’ve got to beat the man. In the case of South Georgia’s Region 2-A, or as it’s known around the state – the Region of Doom, one of those men you’ll have to bump heads with is perennial power Charlton County. The Blue Clad Gladiator’s of Telfair tried to invade the home of the Okefenokee Swamp Dwellers and were turned away on this occasion by a 35-7 scalping. The Boys in Blue held their own in the first half, trailing the Injuns by only 7. However, much like Custer at Bull Run, the invaders were tomahawked in the second half by an overwhelming force in being outscored by a 28-7 margin. The South Third Herd of Coach Matt Burleson have no doubt learned some big lessons in what it takes to win by this experience and will now ready themselves for a visit by a bunch of Mangy Mutts from Lanier County in their run of the gauntlet for supremacy in one of the toughest regions in the state. Let’s have a great turnout down at our Coliseum on South Third on Friday night and send those Mangy Mutts back to Lakeland with their tails firmly entrenched between their legs!!!
Elsewhere around the state, the Canines of Clark County took a well deserved week off as they prepare for Coach Jim McIlwaine’s Reptiles of Gainesville and the Cocktail Party in Jacksonville. This will be a highly watched and pivotal affair as both teams try to take control of their own destinies and get a leg up in the SEC East standings. Both teams are somewhat wounded and will need to turn to alternative means of stirring the drink to come out on top of this one. 

Make no mistake about it, this will be “must watch TV” on Saturday. Up in Atlanta, a Miracle on North Avenue occurred, and believe me, it will be remembered for years to come. Tied with 6 seconds left in the 4th quarter, FSU went for a field goal that appeared to be as long as the drive down I-75 to Macon. Fortunately for the Trade School, they got a hand on it and returned it for the elusive “Kick Six” and the win. Bedlam broke out at Grant Field as the fans flooded the field to celebrate. Hopefully, this will turn the season around for the Slide Rule Jocks and they can keep the momentum going as they head to Charlottesville for a date with the Cavaliers of Virginia.

Thursday night I got a chance to watch Blue Birds of the ‘Boro, unencumbered by the distractions of the big boys of college football. Unfortunately, the ride back to Georgia was filled with the refrains of Statesboro Blues as the Eagles came up on the short end of a lopsided 31-13 score against their old SoCon rival, App State. Things looked good for about 5 or 6 minutes into the game as the Birds took the rock into the end zone first, but the wheels fell off soon after as the Mountain Men of Boone reeled off 31 straight points in a dominating performance.

It’s interesting that despite the Eagles’ historic success, they were 3-7 coming into this game against the Mountaineers over the last 10 games. It’s obvious that App State knows how to defend the “flex-option-bone” attack of Georgia Southern as they completely stifled our offense in holding Matt Brieda to only 78 yards and held the entire run game in check by allowing only 188 yards. It’s obvious that App State was daring QB Kevin Ellison to beat them with his arm as they consistently stacked 9 in the box and stifled the ground attack. Next up, the Birds entertain the Bobcats of Texas State on ESPNU and try to get the season back on track. I’m sure Coach Ellison will have these Angry Birds prepared for a bloodletting in the Prettiest Little Stadium in America on Thursday night.  
Things I think:
Clemson – Wow. Thorough domination that cost Coach Al Golden his job. Didn’t see that one coming but I’ve been watching you climb the polls all season.
Ohio State – Now that was a little more appropriate for the number on team in the country.
Utah – I guess you aren’t the team I thought you were.
Bama – That was a lot closer than most predicted. Let’s see what you look like after the bye week and a little rest.
Tennessee – If you had a kicker the outcome may have been different. But, you kept it exciting to the end
Florida State – Georgia Tech? Seriously? And you want to be a National Champion…. Is “Seminoling” the new “Clemsoning?”
A & M – That was a face plant. Unfortunately, you probably only get 2 strikes in the SEC West
South Carolina – A week off to get things going the way Coach Elliott wants. It’s your time. It’s your team. It’s an opportunity. Can you take advantage of a reeling A&M squad?
LSU – Yeah, it was Western Kentuck, but they just keep rambling on down the road
Vandy – Good win Coach. But, do we now say, “Yeah, but it was Missouri”? Keep plugging away cause I’m pulling for you
Kentucky – Big game this weekend. 2 more in the “W” column and you’re bowl eligible. Coach Stoops may be bringing this team around despite the misstep in Starkeville.
Missouri – I believe the wheels have officially fallen off and it doesn’t look to get any better before the end of the season
The 2015 Season – Already into week 9. Man, does the season fly by. Lots of exciting games, unexpected results, flops, and rises to the top. And it’s only going to get better
The Polls – Ohio State put some distance between 1 and 2 this week after a convincing win. But then there are 5 undefeated teams that follow. 7 through 14 is littered with a score of 1 loss teams with a couple of unbeaten mixed in. 14 teams in the hunt and depending on what happens the rest of the way, a 2 loss team could slip into the final 4. This just get more interesting with each passing week. Can’t week for the CFB Playoff committee to meet and further muddy the waters.
Well, That’s it for now. Hope everyone’s team wins and you have a great week.
And remember; make sure you support your local High School Athletics.
These are your future collegians of tomorrow.
Until next time,
I’m Harley Hanesworth


Q: Dear Mister Wizard –

With Halloween approaching, I was wondering, what kind of tasty treats do you pass out to the youngsters during trick or treat season?

We Love You in Biloxi!

Donna – Biloxi, Mississippi

A: Thank you Donna, I certainly love all my Mississippi fans, even the Ole Miss ones, but I just don’t love them as much as the others if you know what I mean.

But to answer your question, with Halloween falling on “college football Saturday” I felt it only appropriate to provide the tikes with treats befitting for the day of football.

So for those brave young souls that will venture down a dark quarter of a mile long tree lined drive-way on a dark and stormy college football Saturday night, I will be passing out the child size eight ounce (Light) beers and for those tikes eight years or older some airplane size liquor bottles along with candy cigarettes and bubble gum cigars. 

I know what you are thinking….

Light Beer!

Well, they are kids after all Donna

Q: Hey Mr. CFB Wizard!

We have another great week of college football on Halloween Night!

Do you have a favorite Halloween candy of ALL time?

Annette – Birmingham, Alabama

A: I do Annette, it’s called Bourbon

Q: Dear Mister College Football Wizard

I am a student at Texas A&M and I am desperate for a girl friend

I can’t seem to get any girls to go out with me here

Do have any words of wisdom that I could say to girl to get her attention?

Lonely in College Station Texas

A: Might I suggest going up to a girl that you are attracted to and tell her..

“How nice her clothes would look crumbled up in an evidence bag”

That will most certainly get her attention, trust me

And that of the Campus Police too, but don’t worry you won’t be lonely in jail.

Q: Dear Mr. CFB Wizard

Do you have any Halloween traditions you would like to share with your readers?

Thank you!

Paul – Conway, Arkansas

A: Thank you for the kind email Paul, I do have one tradition that I enjoy every year.

I watch this short video clip, which I have for you below.

It’s Halloween Night “magic” provided by none other than the Great Billy Cannon of LSU……On October 31, 1959


Q: Hey Wizard!

What scares you the most during Halloween?

Bobby – Baton Rouge, Louisiana

A: Thinking about having to play the LSU Tigers…..

On Halloween Saturday Night (anywhere)


Thursday, October 29

North Carolina at Pittsburgh
It’s too close to Halloween, so I am going with the “Black Cats”
(You can’t be too careful this time of the year)

West Virginia at Texas Christian
In Morgantown they like to say…..
“It isn’t Halloween if you don’t have a burning couch”
Then I guess Halloween is cancelled in Morgantown this year…

Western Michigan at Eastern Michigan
All these directions on a map are giving me vertigo…
Buffalo at Miami (OH)
This game reminds me that I need to pick up some additional tailgating supplies
(Thanks guys)

Texas State at Georgia Southern
Turn it up….
“So what song is it you want to hear….” 

Oregon at Arizona State
I wonder…..
“IF” you get liquored up and go to sleep in a tanning bed
Does that make you a Sun Devil?
It’s a legitimate question

Friday, October 30

Louisville at Wake Forest
I know with Halloween right around the corner you would think I would pick..
“Demon Deacons”
But they suck, so I won’t

Dartmouth at Harvard
Sorry, No……. 

East Carolina at Connecticut
My Black Lab “Doc” and my German Sheppard “Sadie” insisted on this pick
(Also too they wanted a treat for making the pick)
HUSKIES 28-24 

Louisiana Tech at Rice
Most qualified dieticians will tell you that “Rice Cakes” are a healthy alternative to red meat
Try grilling one of those things and covering it in mustard and relish and get back with me..

Wyoming at Utah State
Both of these teams suck so it’s a throw-up..
Sorry, I meant “toss up”
AGGIES 28-24 

Saturday, October 31
Oklahoma at Kansas
This game is going to be uglier than blind kids dressing themselves for Halloween

Southern California at California
I spent several Halloween’s in California in my day…
The way people dress there, its Halloween 365 days of the year
TROJANS 34-31 

Western Carolina at Chattanooga
The Carolina Boys here are called…
“The Catamounts”
Maybe it’s just me….
But that sounds like something naughty is going on down at the taxidermy shop

Eastern Kentucky at Jacksonville State
The problem with the Kentucky Colonels here is….
They are playing like a bunch of Private First Classes…

South Carolina at Texas A&M
I wish I had better news for my Gamecock Faithful…
But I don’t

Syracuse at Florida State
I wonder what a Seminole football player dresses like on Halloween?
An Attorney?

Ole Miss at Auburn
Don’t be surprised if this one is an “Upset Special”
(“Yes” I am serious…)

Illinois at Penn State
Another Big Ten (something or another) Conference rivalry game!
This one is played for a trophy that looks like resus monkey playing an accordion
Which is weird…
Nebraska at Purdue
That movie still scares the hell out of me….

Montana State at North Dakota
I dressed like an Indian once for Halloween….
I still can’t believe people asked me “if I was with the Village People”
(That kind of hurt my feelings)
North Dakota State at Southern Illinois
I am not going to Buffalo you on this pick….

Rutgers at Wisconsin
I cannot get enough of these Big Ten (twenty six) Conference rivalries!
Can you?
This game is played for the coveted “Giant Victory Cheese Doddle”
I have heard its delicious

Western Kentucky at Old Dominion
This one is going to be over before you can say…
“Trick or Treat”
Central Florida at Cincinnati
I thought I saw someone last Halloween in Wal-Mart in a “Bear Cat” costume..
But the closer I got…
I realized it wasn’t a costume

South Florida at Navy
Something tells me this one might be close..
I hope it’s not my imaginary friend Shiloh
(He kind of scares me when he starts picking games)

Virginia Tech at Boston College
Stick a Fork in them…
These Turkeys are done

Central Michigan at Akron
Let’s be honest with one another here…
We really don’t care

West Alabama at Valdosta State
This game is a “must” win for both teams….
It’s going to be close, very close

Norwich at Mount Ida College
I have heard that Ida is a big ole girl….
The cadet’s better pull those chin straps tight
CADETS 28-24 

UTEP at Southern Mississippi
“IF” the good people in Hattiesburg passed out their BBQ for Halloween..
I would drive down there right damn now

Georgia Tech at Virginia
This candy corn must be laced with something….
Or I wouldn’t be making this pick

Colorado at UCLA
It’s my opinion that Bears can’t actually “brew” beer…
“IF” they could Goldilocks wouldn’t have been so freaked out
Clemson at North Carolina State
No “Tricks” for the Tigers this week, just “Treats”
Florida at Georgia
The World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party
Jacksonville Florida
Hunker Down its Halloween…..
DAWGS 21-17

Montana at Portland State
I met a woman at a Halloween party several years ago and she was dressed as a bear
Or at least I thought she was dressed as a bear
Until I realized she wasn’t wearing a costume
(It must have been that excessive back hair that through me off)

Marshall at Charlotte
Charlotte should have gone as football player this Halloween…
Then she might have had a chance in this game

Florida Intl at Florida Atlantic
This is some kind of a rivalry game in the Sunshine State…
But it’s not going to be televised, so it’s not important  

Oklahoma State at Texas Tech
Cowboys and Red Raiders in this one…..
That’s my kind of Western
COWBOY UP! 41-28
Maryland at Iowa
I wonder if the Maryland multi-colored 70’s tiled uniforms of the turtles….
Will clash with the bright pink visitor’s locker room in Iowa?
(I am betting somebody gets dyslexia from it)

Boise State at UNLV
By the time you can eat a mini-snickers bar…
Boise will be up three touchdowns
BRONCO’S 62-10  
Troy at Appalachian State
Somebody wrote me and asked….
“What does a banjo have to do with an Appalachian-American drive by?”
The answer is quite simple…
We drive by get out and play “Foggy Mountain Breakdown”
Then flee the scene
(It’s how we roll…)

Tulsa at Southern Methodist
This one may be a shootout….
I just hope my ponies don’t run out of ammunition

Tennessee-Martin at Arkansas
I hope Ole Martin is planning on going as a battered husband this Halloween..
Because he is going to be black and blue before this one is over

Louisiana Monroe at Louisiana Lafayette
This rivalry in the Sportsman’s Paradise is called….
“The Battle on the Bayou”
It’s sure to be a good one..

Georgia State at Arkansas State
I cannot in good conscience pull for a team that Bill Curry once “coached”

Carson-Newman at Limestone
I was never a fan of the “Flintstones”….
So take that “Wilma!”
Hamline at St. Olaf College
I think this game can be summed up
In the immortal words of that great 90’s urban philosopher….
“M. C. Hammer”
When he said…..
“It’s Hammy Time”

Oklahoma Baptist at Ouachita Baptist
There is one thing you can count on with this many Baptist in one place….
There won’t be any dancing

Tulane at Memphis
Just for the record….
I have dressed up like Elvis for Halloween once before…
(Thank you, thank you very much)

Oregon State at Utah
I was going to write…..
“I think the two Utes are going to skin this beaver…”
But something about that didn’t sound quite right
Never mind….
TWO UTES 41-14 

Vanderbilt at Houston
Since I have once been “The Peoples Mayor” of both Nashville and Houston..
(Don’t ask, it was during a time of rather intense introspective reflection)
I am going with my adopted home state…
COUGARS 33-17 

Miami (FL) at Duke
I cannot believe I am actually picking this bunch of turd wranglers (again)
Michigan at Minnesota
This old Big Ten (or whatever..) Conference rivalry is played each year for..
“The Little Brown Jug”
And the jug of musky hooch goes too… 

Texas at Iowa State
In case you were wondering after the past two weeks
Hell yes I am still on the cool-aide…..
And it is delicious…

Tennessee at Kentucky
Just for the record I wouldn’t have made this pick two weeks ago….
It would have been reversed
VOWELS 34-24 

Delta State at North Alabama
Both teams were upset last week and I was upset about it
They both “have to win” this game
Hang on to your seats

Arkansas-Monticello at East Central
Bo don’t know these Tigers….
TIGERS 31-24

Notre Dame at Temple
Just so you know….
“IF” I ever see anybody dressed like a clown or a gnome during Halloween..
(Both of those things are creepy as hell)
Air Force at Hawaii
I wonder if “Dog the Bounty Hunter” dresses for Halloween as…
“Dog the Bounty Hunter”
(It’s times like these I wish I had a mullet too)

Stanford at Washington State
In case you haven’t noticed….
The Cardinal mascot “Tree” looks like a damn Halloween costume
It’s California, so go figure

Arizona at Washington
My Two four legged children “Doc” and “Sadie” are giving me “that” look…
So we are going with….

Next Week……

The Clemson Tigers will clash with the Seminoles and the Mighty Tigers of LSU will faceoff with the Crimson Tide for the tussle in T-Town and up north the Number One Buckeyes of Ohio State will face off against the Cosmetology and Hair Extension Academy of Cleveland.

We have a big week ahead of us next week and a lot to cover.

So Stay tuned….

One More Thing…..

You know, in these trying and confusing times it’s good to know that you have a resource that you can depend upon. That’s why I have provided some invaluable insight for the male and female readers this week on

I am sure that you will find it illuminating

Enjoy your weekend


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