College Football Picks Week 2

September 9, 2015

Ladies and Gentlemen –

The first week of the 2015 College Football Season is behind us…

There is a lot to discuss before we get into this week’s picks

Well, unless you are Vanderbilt, Colorado, Kansas…..

But you get the picture

Let’s get to it

The Weekend Rewind…..

For the first week of the 2015 College Football Season….

Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator was 72 and 10 or 88%.

Sadly one of those losses was also the one game a week ago between North Dakota State and Montana, which I don’t want to talk about.

But I will say this….

It’s just a shame somebody had to lose that game.

Enough about that Battle in the Big Sky Country

It’s time for Week Two; buckle those chin straps tight…


Please forgive this brief interruption, as I have just received an alert from the Knoxville Tennessee Sherriff’s Department that may have some effect on this week’s game with Oklahoma.

I was sent this “composite” drawing from the Sherriff’s Department sketch artist of three suspects in several bank robberies in the Knoxville area.

They are considered armed and semi-dangerous.

However I would say from the “sketch” below we are looking for…..

Katie Perry, E.T. and the Cowardly Lion from the Wizard of Oz

Please call the Knoxville Sherriff’s Department if you see the “suspects”



Greetings from the Heart of SEC Country!!!
Well, the results weren’t so positive this week for the Road Warriors of Telfair. We came up on the short end of a 7-6 score in a no holds barred battle to the finish against the Trojans of Johnson County. We had some good plays on the defense but we just couldn’t generate enough offense for the Boys in Blue to take home the victory. Junior Cam Smith picked off an errant Johnson County pass and took it to the house to provide all of the scoring for the night for our Gladiators. I know Coach Burleson will get the boys ready for another non-region game on the road against Truetlan. But, one thing is certain, this edition of the Trojans packed the house down on South Third and gave the fans plenty to cheer about. Let’s head over to Soperton Friday night, pack THEIR house, and let those Vikings know that the Telfair Trojans are in town!!!
The weekend of Big Boy football got started on Thursday evening and saw the North Avenue Trade School start their season against the Braves of Alcorn State. The Bees scored early, often, and at times seemingly at will as they walked off of Historic Grant Field with a 69-6 victory and their first notch in the win column. Keep an eye on the Wreck this year, as many prognosticators have picked them as a dark horse candidate to take the ACC.

Fast forward to Saturday, as the home standing Canines of the Cow College entertained the Warhawks of Louisiana-Monroe in a contest that was marked by the introduction of a new interim UGA mascot by the name of Que and, more notably, by foul weather which shortened the game by over 9 minutes. But 51 one minutes was all these Red Clay Hounds needed as they took a bite out of the visiting birds by a 51-14 score. Nick Chubb and Keith Marshall each had 2 touchdowns and new QB Greyson Lambertt was a respectable 8 of 12 for 140+ yards in the passing department. The Mutts are currently holding the number 9 position in the National Polls as many have them pegged for the SEC East Champs and a date in the Conference Championship game.

In the meantime, up in Morgantown, West Virginia, the visiting Blue Birds of Prey weren’t so fortunate as they came up on the short end of a 44-zip score in a game that started out bad and went downhill from there. It was obvious that the Mountain Men were prepared for Coach Willie Fritz’s triple option attack but the Boys from the ‘Boro also stifled themselves as the Hill Dweller’s Karl Joseph had 3 of their 5 interceptions in the 44-0 route. And without Eagle’s starting QB Kevin Ellison, this was going to be a task of monumental proportions. But, not to fear, the Birds will regroup, head back to Statesboro, and welcome the Bucking Broncos of Western Michigan to the Prettiest Little Stadium in America in hopes of getting the season back on track and another shot at Sun Belt Supremacy.
Around the SEC there were some pretty big games mixed in with a batch of warm ups to keep our attention. The Pachyderms of Tuscaloosa took on the Furry Ferrets of Madison in the Big D in a game that looked close at first, and then went pretty much all Tide. The Plainsmen took on Bobby Petrino’s Red Birds in Atlanta and that one proved that the Cards weren’t intimidated to play a projected SEC frontrunner as the Kitties of Auburn had their hands full to the very end.

And a Border Brawl of the Carolinas started the season on Thursday as the Chickens of Columbia traveled to Charlotte and got all they could handle in a close win for the HBC over the Goats of Chapel Hill. Elsewhere, the Mutineers of the Mississippi dispatched Tennessee-Martin, the Plowboys of College Station upended the Demons of the Desert, and those Knoxville Mountain Men survived Bowling Green.

Overall, the Conference looked good, as pretty much everyone but Vandy survived week one and will move on to week two with an unblemished record
Things I think:
I did a lot of channel surfing on Saturday, looking at the new Quarterback’s that numerous teams were breaking in. They’re going to make a huge impact (or not) this season

Auburn: Muschamp’s D didn’t look like the world beaters the Kittens were hoping for. He’s still got to go out and get talent, but this could become an issue if they’re hoping for a date in the Conference Championship game.

Auburn II: Don’t know who was responsible for the portion of their uniform below the knees, but I haven’t seen anything as hideous as that cleat/sock combo since watching Gordon Soley interviewing Captain Lou Albano on World Championship wrestling back in the 70’s”

Alabama: Signal caller Coker looked pretty good. Poised and solid under pressure, he could provide the Tide with a long ride on his shoulders this year
Georgia: I forgot all about Keith Marshall. 2 solid RB’s and a bonafide stud in the person of Nick Chubb will keep the heat off of Lambert at least until the Yard Birds visit Athens in a couple of weeks.
Vanderbilt: I don’t care what anybody says, the James Franklin effect is still being felt in Nashville. Coach Mason, hang in there
Texas A&M: Does anybody else think it might be a kind of a scary thing for the Aggies to not only have an offense, but now a defense? This could get interesting
South Carolina: The HBC rode his running backs for the W against the Heels. Mitch started his first college game at QB and he looked like he was starting his first college game at QB. If the HBC, who actually played 4 or 5 players in the QB position, doesn’t find something soon we may be seeing déjà vu of 2014 all over again
Tennessee: I’m curious as to what the spin will be in Knoxville after a close game against Bowling Green. Dobbs is moving the offense but the D gave up 30
The Conference: I think I’m liking what I’m seeing. I believe we will definitely have a rep in the College Football Playoff but, as usual, there will much cannibalization within the ranks and that rep may have more than one loss. Can a two loss SEC team get in?
Well, That’s it for now. Hope everyone’s team wins and you have a great week.

And remember; make sure you support your local High School Athletics.
These are your future collegians of tomorrow.

Until next time,
I’m Harley Hanesworth


Q: Dear Mister CFB Wizard!

If you don’t mind me saying so, you seem a little “angry” this year.

You need to take better care of yourself.

Give yourself a little TLC

Glad you are back!

Bambi – Charleston, South Carolina

A: Thank you for the kind email Bambi….

As to your “TLC” reference….

I am far to busy to go chasing waterfalls….and frankly I don’t won’t no scrubs

Q: Hey theyr Mister Weirdo Wizard man

Why in the world is everbody gettin so eggcited about Marice Clarnett comin down ta Tallahassee ta talk ta all those Flarda State football players?

Ever time we do sumthin ESPN and all them sports pages comes outta tha woodwork talkin dog mess about us. LET ME TELL YOU ONCE AND FOR ALLLL!!!!


That persecutor fella hisself said theyr wudnt emough evidence to persecute!!!

And once Winstens lawyour told them other football boys to get rid a thayr videohs theyr went the evidense!!! SO HE DIDN”T DO NUTHIN!!!

And that Clarnett fella hisself can go to hell cause who the heck is he to tell them boys they need ta grow up? Hell THEYS KIDS!!! THEY SAPOSED TO BE MESSED UP!!! So stuff that in yur pipe and stick it where the sun don’t shine Mr WEiRDO WIZARD FELLA!!!!!!

Pernell in Perry Flarda

A: Yet another letter from an English Major at Florida State University….

You got to love it

Q: Dear Sir,

My name in Cosey Renfroe and I’m a proud University of Mississippi fan from Progress, Mississippi. I want you to know that I’m so dang proud of my University of Mississippi football program I am so glad football season is here.

But, let me tell you sir. There has been a lot of talk about the University of Mississippi changing their mascot. I think that with everybody trying to tear down all the Confederate images throughout the country that is probably inevitable that they will end up doing so.

Well, I got to thinking about a good mascot for a replacement. Some folks think that the Black Bear would be a good one. I’m not so sure. I mean, if it were a grizzly bear then I’d probably think that was a good idea cause grizzlies eat people and put the fear of the Lord in your body.

Only problem is that there aren’t any grizzlies down here in Mississippi. Well, I don’t know if you realize it but I’m a proud member of the GCBRO.

That stands for Gulf Coast Bigfoot Reporting Organization. Yep, we’ve been tracking bigfoots down here in the South for a long, long time. And before you get confused, the bigfoots up in Washington State and Oregon and places like that are called Sasquatches.

They’re the same thing just different. Our bigfoots are big and mean and hairy and will scare the bejeezus out of you if you’re walking around in the middle of the night in the woods. So, I thought, who wouldn’t think that the bigfoot would be a natural fit for the replacement University of Mississippi mascot???

I mean, you go wandering around in the woods and come across a tore up carcass of a rabbit or coon and guess what??? Bigfoot!!!

You go traipsin through the swamps and come across some big ole footprints in the mud???? Guess what??? Bigfoot!!!

What I’m saying is that a bigfoot symbol running around in our endzone would probably scare the living snot out of opposing teams. And who wouldn’t want that!?!?

So what do you think Mr Wizard??? Tiger’s and Bulldogs and Eagles are about a dime a dozen in College Football. 

Do you think having Bigfoot as our mascot is a good idea or what??

Cosey Renfroe – Progress, Mississippi

P.S. – I just love writing out Mississippi in my letters. All those crooked letters and humpback letters just makes me giddy.

A: Strangely enough I think you may actually be on to something here….

Ironically, I actually saw a female “Bigfoot” the other day in my local Wal-Mart

She was wearing pink “Baby Girl” sweatpants

Q: Dear Mister CFB Wizard

I cannot believe you defended Kid Rock in one of your earlier articles.

Using the confederate flag image at his concerts, really dude?

You screwed up this time

Anonymous – Louisville, Kentucky

A: What’s with all the anonymous hate mail this early in the year?

Let me say this, I will defend anybody who has visited our troops numerous times overseas during our wars and spent money out of their own pocket for numerous veteran causes and in case you were blissfully unaware we are still at “war”

But if that isn’t enough….

I would like to add that I can neither confirm nor deny that portions of this video were filmed at my own “Redneck Paradise”

But I will say this….

It sure was fun….


The “GOOD NEWS” and the “BAD NEWS”….

Let’s talk “bad news” first

I hate delivering bad news, but it’s best to be right up front

Wouldn’t you agree?

Here goes….(deep breath…)

I am sorry to report…

(And I know this is a shock to many of you, so brace yourselves)

Vanderbilt, Colorado, Kansas, Washington State, Penn State and (of course) Army

Will “NOT” be in the College Football Playoffs this year

(I know, I am so sorry to have to be the one to tell you)

And on a personal front

I think my doctors at Vanderbilt are about as sharp as their damn football team

But that’s another story for another time

However there is some “good news” for these teams!

They are ALL still eligible for the “Electrolux (We Suck) Vacuum Cleaner Bowl” to be played in Walcott, Iowa at the newly constructed makeshift stadium next to the hog rendering plant.

So Congratulations!



MARSHALL: The Thundering Herd beat a Big Ten team in dramatic fashion…..

I only have two things to say….




VANDERBILT: Coach (Soon to be fired)…..

He Gone….

TEXAS: Coach Charlie Strong……

(See Above)

PENN STATE: Coach Franklin, you lost to Temple, really?

I would like to speak for all the Commodore Fans out there right now

They say “Karma” is a “you know what”…I guess it is, right?

MISSOURI: For those Tiger football fans in the great state of Missouri that attempted to watch the telecast of their beloved Tigers this past weekend.

“IF” you didn’t take my safety tip to heart last weekend……

Then I recognized that you were ear raped by ESPN’s Beth Mowins on Saturday.

I am so sorry

It will be better once your ear canal stops bleeding, I promise

MARYLAND: It has been pointed to me by a dear friend of mine that the Turtles multi-colored eye chart uniforms resemble a psychedelic LSD nightmare from Andy Warhol during his “Pop Art” days.

I think we are on to something here

ARMY: The West Point Football Team has reported that their close game with Fordham this past Saturday was due to their players wearing the large reflective Army “PT Belts” and rather bulky gas masks during the course of the game, causing numerous turnovers, missed tackles etc.

Army Chief of Staff General Martin Dempsey had this to say about the “controversy”

“Let me be perfectly clear here. This is not being risk averse. It’s about safety of our players and our future army officer corps. Imagine for a moment if an armored vehicle that was emitting mustard gas was on the football field during the game!

How the heck are they supposed to see our players if they aren’t wearing the reflective PT Belts and how are they supposed to protect themselves? Safety is more important than winning, it’s a lesson we try to instill in all our young officers.”


Thursday, September 10

Louisiana Tech at Western Kentucky
The Bulldogs are loaded (Believe that)…
But Western looks like a Championship contender..

Weber State at North Dakota
The Boys from the Grill College gets smoked…
(Sometimes I make myself laugh, like right now)

Friday, September 11

Miami (FL) at Florida
Its not officially Hurricane season until November 1st…
I’m just saying…
GATORS 28-17

Utah State at Utah
This “Big Rivalry” in the Land of Donny and Marie….
Well, let’s be honest here shall we
We don’t care
AGGIES 24-21
Saturday, September 12

South Florida at Florida State
Sadly, the Florida State promotion “Beat Your Batch” meant to describe increasing one’s giving potential for the coming season was somehow misspelled from the university graphics department causing a dramatic rise in domestic abuse throughout the Seminole nation. Two words for you in the future: “Spell Check”

Jacksonville State at Auburn
I recognize that the Boaz Alabama Taxidermy Academy and Wildlife Realism Wax Museum was busy on Saturday, But Damn guys….

Oregon State at Michigan
Let me say two things here…..
One: I think this game will be close (Real Close)
Two: But when it comes to semi-furry mascots….
I am a Beaver Man (Ask anybody)
Delta State at Texas A&M Commerce
Four words for you….

Mississippi College at North Alabama
This game will go back and forth until midway in the third quarter…
Then it’s all…

Army at Connecticut
Thankfully the West Point football team will not have their hands in their pockets during the entire game and will be wearing their big bright reflective PT belts, gas masks and MOP gear during game. Because you can never be too careful!
Be All You Can Be!
HUSKIES 24-10 

EDITORS NOTE: No word yet on the 1,123 army heat casualties that will take place during the game due to wearing the MOP gear.
More on this next week….

Kansas State at Texas San Antonio
All I know here is that I wake up every morning…..
“Remembering the Alamo”
(Yeah, it’s like that with me)
BILL’S CATS 41-10 

Western Illinois at Illinois
As you may have read…..
The University of Illinois “mistakenly” originally scheduled the “real” Leathernecks for this game to be played at Champaign Illinois.

They were thinking they had scheduled the above team (Western Illinois)

Until they received a message from the United States Marine Corps that said simply…

“We Look forward to killing everybody on said Saturday, See You Then”

Hence the “change” in “teams” here


Bowling Green at Maryland
Please take this warning to heart….
The home version of the LSD nightmare Turtle uniforms….
Will cause seizures and excessive vomiting…
(I am serious)
Houston at Louisville
Coach Bobby P gives the Bird to the Cougars on Saturday….

Buffalo at Penn State
Maybe Coach Franklin can beat this cupcake?

Indiana State at Purdue
RUN Here come the Sycamores!!!
(I still don’t get it, seriously I don’t)

Miami (OH) at Wisconsin
The Badgers bounce back after an Alabama Ass Whipping…
Believe it…
BADGERS 44-14 

Presbyterian College at Charlotte
Ironically the “Blue Ho’s” are playing against Charlotte…
(Never mind….)
BLUE HO’S 33-31
Wake Forest at Syracuse
I flipped some television channels on Sunday afternoon after Church…
I saw Jimmy Swaggart crying about something or another
(I take this as a sign)

Appalachian State at Clemson
This game is going to get uglier than Bill Clinton at an Intern Convention

Howard at Boston College
Poor Howard, you would think he would get tired of getting his ass kicked

Massachusetts at Colorado
I honestly cannot believe I am picking these idiots….

Sacramento State at Washington
I can’t help but wonder….
“IF” the Washington Football team shops in the “Husky” section at K-Mart
(I know, sometimes I wonder too much)
HUSKIES 38-10  

Texas El Paso at Texas Tech
This one may be closer than you think; I’m serious

Liberty at West Virginia
The kids from Liberty will know what the Christians felt like in the Roman Colosseum.
(Yeah, it will be like that)

Hawaii at Ohio State
I declare the ‘mighty” buckeyes CHAMPIONS of Hawaii!
(I hope your tough schedule doesn’t kick your ass too hard this week)

Austin Peay at Southern Mississippi
I don’t know what it is about this particular pick or if it’s just me
But I have to seriously pee…

Minnesota at Colorado State
Coach Kill of the Gophers is tougher than a two dollar steak…
There I said it…and I meant it
Stephen F. Austin at Texas Christian
The Great Stephen F. Austin is a legend in the Great Republic of Texas….
So I make this pick with trembling hands…

Washington State at Rutgers
I wish I could go to New Jersey for this game…
I haven’t seen a good car jacking or a liquor store robbery in a long time

Tulane at Georgia Tech
The Green Wave will be reduced to a magenta trickle by the end of the first quarter..

EDITORS NOTE: I honestly don’t have a clue to what “magenta” looks like…I just thought it sounded funny

Notre Dame at Virginia
I was going to watch this game…..
But the History Velveeta Cheese is on the Food Channel…
I’m sorry, but that stuff is delicious

Furman at Virginia Tech
The angry turkeys take out their frustrations on Chewbacca’s Boys

Georgia at Vanderbilt
I have on good authority that the Commodores will evoke a softball rule for this game..
Known as “The Mercy Rule” immediately after the National Anthem

Fresno State at Ole Miss
I have to ask once again this year….
So what makes that foam rubber black bear mascot a “rebel”?
Does he not get along with the other foam rubber black bears?
Does he wear a leather jacket and ride a Harley?
These are reasonable questions…

Middle Tennessee at Alabama
First home game of the season….
Sweet Home Alabama
Toledo at Arkansas
What the hell is supposed to scare people in Arkansas by calling yourselves the “rockets”
Clearly, you haven’t seen any homemade “fireworks” in Razorback Country.
That’s Redneck NASA baby….
Believe that

Eastern Illinois at Northwestern
These wildcats from Chicago, may be for real this year…
I am serious

Iowa at Iowa State
This bitter in-state rivalry in the land of corn, big offensive linemen and even bigger women..
Is played each year for the coveted and particularly weird “Cy-Hawk” Trophy
(You have to admit, there is a lot going on with and on this trophy)


San Diego State at California
I really wish I cared, but I don’t

Oklahoma at Tennessee
The Volunteer fans are calling for an “upset” this week…
I think they are going to get their wish….
But not in the context they were looking for

North Carolina Central at Duke
I would rather stare at an ant farm for three hours than watch this damn game

North Carolina A&T at North Carolina
I think this is a misprint….
Isn’t it supposed to be “AT&T”?
I get such crappy reception at the RTR Farm; I hope they get smoked….
TAR HEELS 41-14 

Eastern Kentucky at North Carolina State
I don’t care and if you had to be honest neither do you….
(Be honest)

Pittsburgh at Akron
(Please see the commentary on the game above and apply here)

Western Michigan at Georgia Southern
The Southern Eagles return to their winning ways after an ugly trip to Morgantown

Northwestern State at Louisiana Lafayette
The Cajun’s fought back last week and nearly took down Kentucky
They will take their frustrations out on the hapless Demons this Saturday
Nicholls State at Louisiana Monroe
There isn’t anything I don’t like about Monroe Louisiana…
Enough said…
WAR HAWKS 33-14 

Charleston Southern at Troy
It’s too early in the season for my “Helen of Troy” joke….
So I won’t….
(It’s all about timing here)

Marshall at Ohio
This old time rivalry on the river is called “The Battle for the Bell”
(Ring a Ding Ding!)

EDITORS NOTE: If you thought I was going to quote Chuck Berry on the above pick with something along the lines of “My Ding a Ling”, then you are mistaken. That would be inappropriate.

North Texas at Southern Methodist
Saddle Up, My Ponies are Back!

Arizona at Nevada
The Hamster Olympics are on the Animal Planet or I would watch this game…
They say “Geppetto” is the one to beat this year on the spinning hamster wheel of death.
(I just thought you should know…)
ROD’S CATS 41-38

Ball State at Texas A&M
I didn’t see any tribute to the late great John David Crow of Aggie fame in last week’s game
I will take care of that right now…


Missouri at Arkansas State
I don’t have anything against Moe, but Curly is still my favorite Stooge
(Yuck, Yuck, Yuck….)

East Carolina at Florida
Little known fact….
“A pirate can’t kill an alligator”
Just as Peter Pan
(The Disney character, NOT the Peanut Butter)

Memphis at Kansas
The Jayhawks could really use that 89 year old running back about now…
What I wouldn’t give to watch him streaking down the field on his rascal scooter

Central Arkansas at Oklahoma State
This game is going to be uglier than a trailer park wedding…
COWBOY UP! 55-10

Lamar at Baylor
Seriously Baylor, you are playing “Lamar”?
What the hell….
DA BEARS 151-3

Kentucky at South Carolina
Have no fear wildcat nation….
Basketball season is right around the corner

Idaho at Southern California
The Idaho famous potatoes “beat our ass and give us a big check tour”…

Oregon at Michigan State
ESPN College Game day will be in East Lansing Michigan for the rematch of last year’s big game between the two schools.
(Yeah, I don’t really care)

South Alabama at Nebraska
The Husker’s got shucked last week with a second left in the game…
Not so much this week

Rice at Texas
After what I saw last weekend I am not confident at all in this pick
(Yes, sadly I am serious)

Shorter at Carson-Newman
Coach Spark’s has the eagles poised to make a championship run

St. Olaf College at Luther
Saint Olaf sounds like a big ole German guy that likes to drink beer and laugh….
While he is invading Poland and Austria
ST OLLIE 28-24

Florida International at Indiana
The International House of Pancakes and the Hoosier what’s It McBobs

Temple at Cincinnati
The Boys from Chili Town will have a fight on their hands this week
Believe it…

Tulsa at New Mexico
Let’s be honest here shall we?
LSU and Mississippi State will on at the same time, are you really going to watch this game?
(My Point exactly)  

LSU at Mississippi State
This is going to be an epic contest of determination, and it will come down to the very last minute.
Believe it

San José State at Air Force
Since Jose’ and his trusted burro “Tomas” don’t have a chance in this one…..
It’s time once again for some “Fun Facts” about The CFB Wizard

As I am quite sure you know by now, I am widely regarded in the world of Latin American cinema as a mega-action movie star known simply as “Rascadango” who of course is mucho macho

But did you also know that this year’s mega production of “Viva La Rascadango!” will be released just in time for Thanksgiving. Think Viva Las Vegas but without Elvis, Ann Margaret and Las Vegas


Boise State at Brigham Young
The cougars lost their talented quarterback last week for the season…and
It’s going to be hard to bounce back after an emotional win as well
That’s why I am going with…
BRONCO’S 31-28

This game looks a like a damn eye chart to me….

Central Florida at Stanford
The smart kids from Palo Alto will bounce back this week…
But not by much

Cal Poly at Arizona State
If you are a big fan of “massacres” then this is the game for you

Next Week…

Your Week Three College Football Picks will be out next week along with a “new” story on mikerights that is sure to entertain and motivate you. So stay tuned…..

One More Thing…

This Friday is September 11th.

Before it was a day of infamy in our country, it was always remembered throughout Alabama as Coach Bryant’s birthday. It’s hard to believe that Coach would have been 102 years old on Friday.

And if he was alive I would still be scared to death of him.

God Bless you Coach and thank you for everything.


Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Time limit is exhausted. Please reload CAPTCHA.