The 2015 College Football Preseason Extravaganza Part III

August 26, 2015
By

Ladies and Gentlemen –

Your last installment of the College Football Preseason Extravaganza is chocked full of 2015 Conference Predictions and Prognostications, as well as College Football “News” and the first “Pick” of the Season when two Giants of College Football square off this Saturday in Big Sky Country.

Hang On…

SOUTH GEORGIA FOOTBALL NEWS and VIEWS

Greetings from the Heart of SEC Country!!!

The dog days of Autumn have crept up on us down here in Georgia. And this time of year is marked with heat, humidity, and gnats. It can be a little uncomfortable at times if you’re working outside, but we’re used to it down here. Despite all that, I have begun to notice that those shadows are getting a little longer. The days are getting a little shorter. And that can only mean one thing.

The dog days of Summer about to give way to the Dawg Days of Fall.

Football season is getting closer and closer every day.

Here in McRae, the Boys in Blue look to improve upon a 6-4 record and push the stalwarts of the 2-A region for the crown. Coach Burleson is pushing the Gladiators of South Third hard this year so that they can get over the hump and get into the elusive playoffs. The numbers aren’t that big for the Trojans but what they lack in quantity is made up for in quality. Back for another year is Sophomore Quarterback Ian Blankenship, who put up some pretty darn good numbers considering he was only a Freshman in 2014.

Also looking to improve on their stats from last year are Junior Running Back Cam Smith and Senior Wideout Byron Brown. The defense will again be led by Seniors Adam King and Jarrod Rodgers, anchors of both the offensive and defensive lines, and the electric Kell Pound, a punishing defender who always gives opposing offenses fits.

The schedule appears manageable early on, but look out down the road. We’ve got to make that long trip to Folkston to tangle with the Swamp Injuns but we entertain Irwin and Clinch in the friendly confines of our own little Coliseum in 3 games that could turn the traditional tide of Region 2-A. The kids have high hopes as well as the entire town, so stand by and get ready for fireworks this year!!!

Up in Clark County the Red Clay hounds have high hopes this year. The Pullets of the Piedmont region of South Carolina were the fashionable pick last year but with stud running back Nick Chubb returning, a new Offensive Coordinator in Brian Schottenheimer, and a bunch of big named recruits filling out the roster, I’m thinking the Cow College will make a run at the East and dethrone those Cats of Columbia and possibly push the denizens of the Western part of the Conference for an SEC Championship.

Meanwhile, a few miles west of Athens, the Slide Rule Jocks are retooling and trying to make a little noise themselves. They may have a pretty good shot at reclaiming the ACC’s Coastal Division, but it’ll be a tall order to win the conference with those Tallahassee Injuns and Carolina Cats seeming to be as strong as ever.

Down in Statesboro, the Birds of Prey are hoping for a repeat of last year’s inaugural Sun Belt success. In taking the Conference Crown (unofficially) and going undefeated in conference play they resoundingly put the football world on notice that these Raptors are for real. This year, I’m seeing bowl bid in the cards.
I don’t know about anyone else, but I’m really getting excited for the upcoming season.

 Questions, questions, questions abound as we enter the 2015 season:

South Carolina – Can the Head Ball Coach rebound from a disappointing 7-6 season? And does disappointing now describe 7-6 seasons in Columbia?

 Florida – Will new coach Jim McElwain’s Reptiles survive an October gauntlet of Ole Miss, Missouri, LSU, and Georgia?

 Tennessee – Will this be the year that Coach Butch Jones’ Mountain Men claw their way out of mediocrity and challenge for SEC East supremacy?

 Missouri – Do the Cats have what it takes to hang on to the East title for yet another year?

 Bama – Will Coach Nick Saban (and others) ever learn that what you say in a news conference can and will be held against you on the Finebaum show?

Auburn – Will the Plainsmen have enough to dethrone Big Brother Bama with the addition of Muschamp?

A & M – Will these Plowboys of Texas finally find a defense?

Vandy – Will Derek Mason’s Nashville Navy be able to beat an SEC team

Kentucky – Will the Lexington Felines be able to beat an SEC team not named Vandy this year?

I guess these and other questions will be answered on September 3rd at 6 pm as the kickoff of the 2015 SEC season starts with those Rowdy Roosters of Columbia taking on a herd of sheep from North Carolina up in Charlotte.

So, hold on to your seats, grab your armrests, sit back, and enjoy.

Football season is almost here.

Well, That’s it for now. Hope everyone’s team wins and you have a great week.
And remember; make sure you support your local High School Athletics.
These are your future collegians of tomorrow.

Until next time,
I’m Harley Hanesworth

THE BIG ORANGE REPORT

Hey Yaw’ll It’s the Number One Tennessee Volunteer Fan on the Planet!

James “Hootie” Snitch coming at you from my home in Baneberry Tennessee!

I done got me the pleasure of interviewing our own Coach Butch Jones of the Best Damn College Football team in the Country, The Tennessee Volunteers!

He is a guest judge at the Annual Baneberry Chili Cook-off and Possum Round-up sponsored by the Baneberry Chamber of Commerce to help the University of Tennessee Athletic Department’s charity called

“For children that don’t read no good”

I set down with the Greatest Coach of the Number One team in the Country before the chili judging and possum round-up got started for a few questions about this upcoming National Championship season!

Q: Coach I appreciate you a setting down with me to talk about my favorite subject the Tennessee Volunteers!

A: My pleasure Hootie, what’s that smell?

Q: That smell is probably my momma’s famous possum chili delight; we might want to move up wind. That stuff will open your sinuses and will make you cleaner than a Kroger chicken in about twenty minutes.

But let’s get to it, who do you think we will be a playing in the National Championship game?

A: Let’s don’t get a head of ourselves here Hootie, we have a long tough season in front of us, but I am encouraged that we are making progress that will translate to the football field this season.

Seriously, we have to get away from that smell. It smells like somebody is burning a radial tire.

Q: My momma’s chili is stout coach; just wait till you try some of it!

But seriously, I know you are trying to play them cards close to your chest, but do you think we will be a playing Ohio State for the National Championship or you got somebody else you’re a planning for?

A: Like I said it’s a long season and we have a lot of tough games ahead of us, but I am positive this football team is heading in the right direction.

Q: Everybody wants to know how you like Knoxville, with you being a trans-thespian and everything.

A: I’m sorry, what was that again?

Q: It’s ok if you’re a trans-thespian, we got Bruce Jenner or Cooter Jenner now I guess, running around on the television in a women’s bathing suit and a deep voice looking all weird and all.  We accept you just like you are coach and we is damn glad to have you!

A: I don’t know what you are talking about, but that smell from the chili is making me want to throw-up.

Q: Well I mean your name is “Butch” and with that flattop haircut of yours, and no bra on you look like my wife’s cousin Earline minus the flannel lumberjack shirt, but she wants to be called “Earl” now, so I get it coach.

A: Is this a joke? I’m married to woman Hootie.

Q: Well so is Cooter Jenner and my wife’s cousin Earline, I mean “Earl”

A: I think the smell of that concoction is in my clothes, it was good talking with you, got anything else for me? I have to get moving before I get sick.

Q: Last two questions; “one” after we win the National Championship this year, you got any big plans for a parade or are you going to be on one of them thespian reality shows? “Two”; Will you pick my momma’s possum chili delight as the winner of the cook-off it would mean a lot to her since she didn’t get selected again this year to be in the International Towing and Recovery Hall of Fame in Chattanooga.

A: (Coach Butch Jones couldn’t answer the question, cause he done got sick everywhere. But I am planning a national championship parade in downtown Baneberry in January and cleaning a place off our fake fireplace mantle for my momma’s chili cook-off blue ribbon!)

That’s all for now!

GO BIG ORNAGE!

Hootie – Out!

EMAIL QUESTIONS and ANSWERS

Q: Dear Mister CFB Wizard

I don’t know why you decided to put down a fellow Texas A&M Aggie’s idea for peanut butter on this forum. We Aggies are innovative, forward thinking and smart!

“IF” you want to ridicule some idea or invention then why don’t you pick on the University of Texas?
It was just the other day I took my son to Tractor Supply and guess what I saw there that was invented by a dumbass University of Texas idiot.

“Fly Paper”

That is the dumbest damn thing I ever saw, everybody knows flies can’t read!

GIG EM

Paul – Hempstead, Texas

A: I have no idea why people make fun of Aggies, I really don’t.

Q: Dear CFB Wizard

I know you don’t like politics on here, but I am mad as hell.

I live in Arkansas and I am sick and tired of hearing about Hillary Clinton as the “former” First Lady of Arkansas! There is a lot I could say about her, but I know you won’t print it, cause it would all be foul words.

Thanks for letting me vent, O’ Yeah I got a question for you before I go

“What’s the difference between the University of Arkansas’s live Razorback mascot “Tusk” and Hillary Clinton?”

Thanks –

Jeremy – Little Rock, Arkansas

A: I would say “Tusk” has a more honest face and a less annoying voice.

Other than that I would say that they are eerily similar, both like to wallow in the mud, aren’t good with people and are dangerous as hell.

Q: Dear Sir,

I am Ebrahim Eshmail Salami, Executive Director of the Virtual Athletic Conference (VAC). I have noted that for many weeks you give much coverage to the Big Ten, Big Twelve, SEC, and other football conferences but have never mentioned the VAC even once!!!

I mean, you even talk about smaller schools like Elon or Presbyterian but you blatantly omit our league!!! I must tell you, Mr Wizard that we have a power packed conference that is stacked top to bottom with some heavy duty talent.

One of the perennial contenders every year is the University of Phoenix.
They are stacked with players that could compete on any major college team.
As a matter of fact, in the Figurative Football Strength of Schedule, they rank third in strength of schedule this year, trailing only Alabama and Ohio State.

Another team that is really a sleeper is Strayer University. They’ve been recruiting well in the technical school junior colleges and could make a run for the championship this year.

ITT Technical College has really been on a resurgence as of late but I think they may be a little down this year because of attrition. They lost 2 of their senior programmers to graduation and 3 underclass network administrators decided to forgo their Senior seasons in order to try their luck in the Silicon Valley League.

Also, I would like to point out that unlike other major conferences, we take discipline seriously here in the VAC. Just last week, star quarterback Jamei Dinston was suspended from his Florida State Technical Institute until an investigation is completed for his online assault of a fellow coed in an internet chatroom.

It seems that the two met in one of the rooms called Porkbellies, and then took a virtual scooter to his apartment where he is alleged to have virtually molested her against her will. We in the VAC have a zero tolerance policy for this type of illicit behavior.

None the less, this year should be a blast, so turn those TV’s and computers to the Geek Network and catch all the big games!!!

Ebrahim Eshmail Slami
Executive Director
Virtual Athletic Conference.

A: O.k. this letter, made me pee on myself a little….

Q: Dear Sir,

I want you to know that as a resident of Hartford, Connecticut I find it appalling that most no-good, backwoods, redneck Southerners still support the Confederate Flag, own guns, read the bible, and say things like “yes, ma’am” and “no ma’am”, like they’re these cordial innocents.

We know what they are and what they’re all about.

Why, I lived a Southern state for almost 5 months and that was plenty enough time to understand these simpletons. If all that wasn’t enough, now they have concocted some bigoted show that is shown in the afternoon in most major markets!!!

I was appalled that anyone would allow a show like Racial Ray to be aired on the television airwaves which anyone could view!!!

Racial Ray is a vile, evil, sumptuous woman who skitters around her kitchen attempting to seduce men with her raven black hair and haughty smile. It’s disgusting and I advocating that all people who feel that hussy’s like this Racial Ray be taken off the air!!!

Gertrude VanAssderbilt – Hartford, Connecticut

A: Kids listen closely….
“Never trust anybody named Gertrude, especially if they are Yankees”

Q: Mister Wizard,

I am Lt General Caitlyn Mustaffa Estrada-Washington, and I am the Commanding Officer for the Army’s Office of Male and Female Genderization (OMFG) here at the Pentagon in Washington, DC.

As you are no doubt aware, the military services have authorized and established that openly gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender individuals may now proudly serve in the armed services.

My heart swelled with pride when this was announced by the current administration.
Tears of joy streamed down my face. You see, as a Transgender male who has served many roles in the Army, both as a male and as a female, I am anxious to do away with needless persecution of LGBT individuals at all costs.

I commissioned a blue ribbon, top notch panel to come up with a way to reward these fine patriots for the courage they have exhibited in the face of needless bias and discrimination and we have found an impressive way to honor our LGBT brothers and sisters and others.

We have decided to open an exclusive LGBT diversity Enlisted Quarters aboard Fort Bragg, North Carolina. And we have come up with a name which honors someone who has been instrumental in integrating those non-heterosexuals into the Armed Forces.

The name?

We’re going to christen this living establishment as Barracks Obama.

No one is more deserving than our Commander in Chief of this esteemed honor. And to answer a question before it is asked, no, this is not a type of reverse discrimination. Think “Protected Class.”

The Justice Department has already established that if you are a Protected Class that it is impossible for you to discriminate against anyone since you will always be classified as a victim. So, climb aboard sir. Take a ride on the LGBT train.

You’ll be invigorated.

Caitly Mustaffa Estrada-Washington
Lieutenant General
Office of Male and Female Genderization (OMFG)

A: Well, at least your acronym is appropriate

DUMBASS OF THE WEEK

This recipient of this week’s award answers several questions that many of you are asking.

“Why is college tuition constantly rising?”

Or

How many boondoggle programs will a university produce?”

Or maybe you wondered…

“What’s wrong with our country?”

Or

“What are young people studying in college today?”

Here you go…

This is straight from the Dumbass of the week’s website…

KNOXVILLE, Tennessee: The University of Tennessee announced the VOLeaders Academy, a dynamic partnership between the UT Center for Leadership and Service, the Center for Sport, Peace and Society and the Department of Athletics.

EDITORS NOTE: I’m sorry, the “Center” for what?

The program is unlike any in the country, spanning the boundaries of three different areas of campus, from academics to student life and athletics. It partners athletics with two of the most unique and respected programs on campus for the development of the student-athletes.

By using their platform in sport, student-athletes admitted into the VOLeaders Academy will learn how to positively impact their team, campus and local and global communities. The program aims to inspire student-athletes to find ways to use their passion of sport and their influence to enact positive change that transcends their athletic success.

EDITORS NOTE: Assuming for a moment that by “transcends their athletic success” doesn’t have anything to do with any sexual assaults. (That they have some measure of athletic success)

“The VOLeaders Academy is one of the most innovative programming initiatives in the country,” said Dr. Joe Scogin, Senior Associate Athletic Director, Assistant Provost and Director of the Thornton Center. “The depth of personal development, the ability to learn from national and global experts in leadership education, and the international service component will provide a life changing experience. The University of Tennessee is a special place and the VOLeaders Academy is another example of our innovative approach to student-athlete development.

EDITORS NOTE: “National” and “Global” experts in leadership, really, from a bunch of do-nothing PhD’s?

“We often discuss the concept of Boundary Spanning Leadership – and this Academy brings together three divisions at UT – the Division of Student Life, the College of Education, Health, and Human Sciences, and the Department of Athletics in one common goal. In Ernst and Chrobot-Mason’s work on boundary spanning leadership, they discuss the “limitless possibilities and inspiring results that groups can achieve together above and beyond what they could achieve on their own”. This concept is referenced consistently in the context of sport and I am thrilled that we are modeling this behavior as an institution with a cross-division collaboration and commitment to developing our student-athlete leaders.”

EDITORS NOTE: The “concept” of Boundary Spanning Leadership, Translated: This is the only job in the country where a group of PhD’s without any useful experience or education can make up a bunch of trendy terms and get paid 160K per year to teach said crap.

The Center for Leadership and Service, a department in the UT Division of Student Life, engages all students to lead and serve in the global community and directs leadership and service opportunities for the entire University student population.

EDITORS NOTE: I know a lot of veterans that have “served in the global community”….and they don’t have PhDs or a 160K per year job.

“The VOLeaders Academy is a unique opportunity to demonstrate the power of true collaborative campus partnerships,” said Center for Leadership and Service Director Sally Parish. “Together, we will collectively transform our students, our university, and our community. More importantly, our students will go on to change the world empowered with the lessons and connections developed through this program.”

EDITORS NOTE: Together we will collectively “transform” our students, university and community and then…Change the World!  Safety Tip: Kids stay away from this brand of cool-aide

The Center for Sport, Peace, and Society, housed in UT’s College of Education, is dedicated to promoting cultural diversity and empowering underserved populations through sport. It was the first research center in the United States to focus on the developing academic field of Sport for Development and Peace. In only their second year of existence, one of their key initiatives was named on the top 10 best diplomatic accomplishments in the world.

EDITORS NOTE: Ah, “cultural diversity and empowering underserved populations through sport” Does that mean I get the platinum satellite sports package for free?

“The Center for Sport, Peace, & Society is excited to partner with UT Athletics and The Center for Leadership and Service on this groundbreaking initiative,” said Dr. Sarah Hillyer, the center’s director. “The thoughtful intersection of education, sport, leadership, service and international exchanges reflect the very heartbeat of what we do. As former student-athletes, we know the potential sport has to teach powerful leadership skills; we look forward to helping student-athletes discover these skills and apply them in ways that change the world.”

EDITORS NOTE: They seem to be all about “changing the world”, what’s that going to cost?

Participants will also be enrolled in two three-credit-hour courses in the College of Education, Health and Human Sciences. A Leadership in Sport course will provide students with an understanding of their individual leadership styles, the practice of leadership in collegiate athletics and will equip them with the foundational skills necessary to lead their teams, campus and communities, while a Sport for Social Change course will teach leadership principles, professionalism, critical thinking, and cross-cultural communication skills through sport-based service.

EDITORS NOTE: Seriously, there is a course called “Sport for Social Change”, really?

“As dean of the College of Education, Health, and Human Sciences, it is with great enthusiasm that I offer our support to the VOLeaders Academy,” said Dr. Bob Rider. “The goals of this new academy are congruent with critically important components of our college mission, focusing on the nurturing and development of servant leaders. This important collaboration will help in building an important bridge between academics and athletics, and assist in advancing the respective missions of both entities. I look forward to working with our partners in the Athletics Department and in the Division of Student Life in launching VOLeaders and participating in the good and important work to come.”

EDITORS NOTE:
And that my friends is why college tuition costs so damn much and this country is screwed up as Hogan’s Goat

Because of Horse Crap Programs just like this

You are welcome America

POLITICALLY CORRECT ALERT OF THE WEEK

The CFB Wizard is required under a new Federal law to comply with providing the public with a service announcement each week to alert you the public on potentially slanderous, hurtful and racist commentary that exists in the world of college football.

As many of you may know, the Seminoles have recently changed their “official logo” and they have committed a grievous crime of appalling proportions. 

fsu_seminoles_logo_detail

This despicable image of a white person painted in “Red Face” cannot be tolerated!
The outcry of such images of white people in “black face” is blatant racism!

It’s a mockery that is not tolerated in the African-American community and nor should it be tolerated for other people of color, Paula Dean, Al Jolson and the horrendous list of offenders goes on and on.

Yet this fine institution known for supporting “justice” for its athletes of color has gone too far!

RED LIVES MATTER!

COLLEGE FOOTBALL NEWS

SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA: Coach Steve Sarkisian and Athletic Director Pat Haden were both apologizing this week after Coach Steve addressed a large Trojan Booster Club last week reportedly “Drunker than a Hoot Owl”

It has been reported during this rather prestigious event that Coach Steve stumbled around, slurred his words, dropped several “F” Bombs and said a number of derogatory comments about several opposing teams that oddly enough in his coaching career he is 1 and 15 against.

When asked about this unfortunate chain of events Coach Steve, sounding much like “Otis” From the “Andy Griffith Show” after having a “snoot full” said

“I’m a Little Teapot, short and stout!!!, Get it? HAAAAAAAAAA!”

ARKANSAS: The course of events that may have led Coach Steve of Southern California to get into “Grand Pa’s Cough medicine” may be traced to the recent departure of his star quarterback recruit and Alabama native Ricky Town departing the Trojan campus for the sunny confines of Fayetteville Arkansas.

No news yet on Ricky Town’s eligibility, but believe you me, he is going to be a good one.

FLORIDA STATE: In a decision that surprised absolutely no one, Seminole running back and star football player Dalvin Cook was found “not guilty” this week of assault and battery on a female co-ed outside a Tallahassee bar in July of this past year.

EDITORS NOTE: In the words of Gomer Pyle “Surprise! Surprise! Surprise!”

Although Mr. Cook declined to testify, a number of his teammates came to his defense and testified to his innocence in the alleged assault, despite witnesses and evidence to the contrary.

EDITORS NOTE: Are you seeing a trend here yet folks?

Following the trial Mr. Cook stated “I know I didn’t commit no crime or do no wrong”

Mr. Cook, who is reportedly majoring in English at Florida State, will be returning to practice this week.

As to the rationale behind the young female’s injuries from the altercation; the University, Mr. Cook’s high powered attorney’s and Mr. Cook himself maintain that either “that ass whopping was consensual” or “that it was done by aliens from another planet.”

EDITORS NOTES: Have you ever noticed how no Florida State players are ever guilty of anything?

Amazing, isn’t it?

TENNESSEE: This is simply too good not to share….

More submissions from “fans” to the Nashville Tennessean to name the “rivalry” game between Vanderbilt and Tennessee.

You can’t make this up….

Barbecue Bowl: (That sounds delicious!)

Wagon Wheel: (I don’t get it)

Milk Bowl: (This is real original, what’s next, “The Cereal Bowl”?)

Three Star Throw Down: (What is this, “Enter the Ninja”?)

Catfish Bowl: (I’m sorry, what?)

Vintage Cup: (This makes no sense)

Harvest Cup: (Harvest what, “marijuana”?)

Sounds of the South: (Sorry, Uncle Remus and Disney own the rights to this one)

Family Feud: (Or how about “The Incest Bowl”)

Turkey Trot: (As a side note, you will get the trots after a night of ill prepared Mexican food)

Fiddle Bowl: (That sounds dirty to me)

The State Fair: (Don’t they already have one of those?)

State Quake: (Isn’t this were you get your oil changed?)

Wonder Bowl: (Yeah I am wondering what the hell you all are thinking too)

MICHIGAN: I have but one request for the Head Coach of the Wolverines

Put your shirt back on, please

Michiagn Coach

ALLEGIANCE and LOYALTY: We all hold our allegiance and loyalty to “our” teams close to our hearts. Some even have it permanently affixed to their skin in the form of a tattoo.

Note to Self: “Spell Check”

clemson_display_image

ARIZONA: News from the Sandy Wildcat Country!
Coach Rich Rod got some new hair plugs and his wife Rita Rod continues to get her makeup done at the local Earl Shive’s Paint and Body Shop.

Just thought you should know…

ARIZONA STATE: Nobody Cares…

COLORADO: Due to the recent legalization of marijuana in the state of Colorado, many of you have read that the live mascot for the Buffalo’s “Ralphies” has put on some additional three hundred or so pounds, doesn’t want to run onto the field at football games anymore and subsists entirely on Cheetos.

But the show must go on as they say.

This year the Buffalo’s will have several “celebrity” Ralphies” leading the team onto their home field in Boulder to a resounding defeat. 

Thus far Wynonna Judd and Rosie O’Donnell names have been leaked as candidates, however it has been mentioned that Ms O’Donnell will need a “bit of a makeover” to pass for a buffalo, as she currently resembles a Yack with excessive back hair.

NORTH CAROLINA STATE: See “Arizona State” Above

MEANWHILE IN AUBURN……….

CFB Auburn

2015 CONFERENCE PREDICTIONS

THE BIG TEN (or SIXTEEN’ISH)

This year the unanimous favorite to win the conference title is “The” Ohio State Buckeyes who also are the first unanimous choice as the AP preseason number one team in the nation since 1950.

In an ironic twist of fate the Buckeyes are also the favorite to win the Mid-American Conference (MAC) title as well with their tough out of conference MAC schedule, as well as winning the “Hawaii State Championship” making them the first team in the history of college football to win two conference championships and a state title in one year.

Other seasonal highlights for the Mighty Buckeyes will be when they play the Indiana Hoosiers and for the first time in collegiate football history the “mercy rule” will be invoked when the game is called at halftime with Ohio State leading 171 to 0.

Lastly, the conference title will be decided when the Buckeyes once again play the Spartans of Michigan State with all the hype that can be garnered for a sixteen team conference that only has four ranked teams in the top twenty five. The championship will be decided with Ohio State winning by 49 points.

THE BIG 12 (Light)

EDITORS NOTE:
Please remember that although they aren’t twelve teams in the conference it still has all the full body taste and feel of a regular conference, but with only half the calories and no conference championship game.

This year the Horned Frogs and the Baylor Bears will not compete in any form of a conference championship game, because there aren’t enough teams in the conference to have said game as mentioned earlier.

However the conference commissioner will deny their own conference rules and claim “two” co-champions again this year and demand they both meet to play each other for the National Championship of central Texas.

In other news, Oklahoma will continue to disappoint after a quick start and a stumble in Dallas at the Red River Shoot-out. But look on the bright side Sooner Fans….

Coach Stoops took a whole week out of spring practice to “protest” that some fraternity boy on campus used the “N” word, so that’s got to make you feel better, right?

Texas Tech will continue to miss Coach Mike Leach, while bragging how “cool” their current coach looks.

West Virginia Mountaineer fans will continue to burn their own possessions this season after a dramatic win or a horrific loss causing many of us to wish that we owned a second hand furniture store in Morgantown West Virginia.

Oklahoma State will come close to winning the conference championship but will fall short with a brutal November schedule that has Texas Christian, Baylor and rival Oklahoma (Unless the Sooners are busy out protesting another indignity on campus)

The Texas Longhorns will continue to sway and stagger through the season like a drunken Marine PFC after receiving his first paycheck.

And in other news, Coach Strong will receive an abundance of threatening letters by midseason with my return address on them.

ATLANTIC COAST CONFERENCE (ACC)

Here is my bold prognostication for the conference this year

The Clemson Tigers will win the Atlantic Division with the mighty Louisville Cardinals in close pursuit.

(Yes, I said it and this year I mean it)

The Coastal Division crown will go to the Rambling Wreck of Georgia Tech

Meanwhile there are high hopes this year in Tallahassee that the Florida State Seminoles will be playing in the inaugural “Rape and Pillage Bowl” to played at the Florida Department of Corrections maximum security facility in Stark Florida.

Many of you have written to ask if “Notre Dame will be making any noise this year”

The answer to that question is a resounding “Yes!”

However the “noise” in question will not be of the championship variety, but more like that of an overly large flatulent man leaving an all-day chilidog eating contest. 

PAC-12

The Mighty Oregon Ducks will once again win the conferences Northern Division with the Cardinal from Stanford following closely behind. Additionally, the Mighty Ducks will provide everyone outside the Pacific Time Zone something to watch on Sunday Morning at 0200 on TBS.

The Southern Division of the PAC 12 will go to the Bruins of UCLA or somebody else that none of us care anything about. But nonetheless the Quacks will win the Conference Championship 89 to 83.

THE SUN BELT CONFERENCE

This one isn’t even close

Look for the Mighty Georgia Southern Eagles to take the Conference Crown, and one other thing..

Don’t be surprised if the Eagles don’t upset the Georgia Bulldogs on November 21st

THE SOUTHEASTERN CONFERENCE (SEC)

In too many ways to describe, it pains me to write these words with trembling hands….

So I will keep it brief and to the point

The Auburn Tigers will win the Western Division while the Georgia Bulldogs win the East

Auburn will win the Conference Championship, but there will not (I repeat “not”) be an undefeated Champion in the Southeastern Conference, believe it.

THE AMERICAN ATHLETIC CONFERENCE

The Cincinnati Bearcats will win the Conference, but don’t be surprised if the Mighty Midshipmen of Navy don’t make a strong run at the crown.

And I would be remise if I didn’t mention my once proud Mighty Mustangs of Southern Methodist

Damn it, Ponies, win something, anything

CONFERENCE USA

Western Kentucky University and The Thundering Herd of Marshall will decide the Eastern Division when they meet on November 27th with the Mighty Herd taking the game in close (so very close) one.

Nothing can stop the Bulldogs of Louisiana Tech from winning the East and the Clash is set for a Marshall, Tech Championship game.

MOUNTAIN WEST

Since the teams in the conference are “Boise State” and everybody else, I am going with the Broncos of Boise to (once again) win the Conference Title.

EDITORS NOTE: “Bold” Prediction, I know

The Ivy League: Nobody cares, seriously, and their marching bands suck too

THE OPENING PICK OF THE 2015 COLLEGE FOOTBALL SEASON

North Dakota State at Montana
In case you didn’t know….
These are two of the Greatest Division 1AA Teams in the History of College Football.
It’s going to be one Hell of a Game in Big Sky Country
Hang on to your seats…..
MIGHTY BISON 28-24

Next Week……

Next week your full slate of Week One Picks will be out next Thursday morning along with an opening season surprise or two to keep you motivated; buckle that chin strap tight. Kickoff is a week away….

So Stay Tuned……

One More Thing…..

As you all know by now, we live in very perilous and uncertain times.

I am convinced that tough people survive these storms of life and I believe they can be an inspiration to many during these difficult and dangerous times we live in.

I have begun a series of stories on mikerights.com that highlight tough people, tough times and tough places, but mostly, just “tough people”.

I hope you enjoy them and I appreciate you reading them, the first story is waiting for you now.

RTR
THE CFB WIZARD

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One Response to The 2015 College Football Preseason Extravaganza Part III

  1. Margaret on August 26, 2015 at 8:26 pm

    Wooohoooo!!!! Loving your ACC prediction!! Go Tigers!!! Hope you’re doing well!! We miss you!!

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