The Last Picks of 2014

December 11, 2014

Ladies and Gentlemen –

The smoke has cleared and the last of the confetti has fallen on the 2014 regular season of College Football. We only have a few games to pick this week, so we will wrap up this season with a “few” best of unpublished emails this season and a few other “notable notes” and awards for 2014 for you to enjoy.

So let’s get to it….

2014 Seasonal Rewind……

Last Week Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator was clearly suffering from Iron Bowl euphoria by going an uncharacteristic 11 and 6 or 65% for Championship Weekend.

That leaves The CFB Wizard at 565 and 165 or 77% for the 2014 College Football Season. Although that is well under my average for any given year, it’s not too bad considering this season has been wilder than Prom Night at the School for the Blind.


Greetings from the Heart of SEC Country,

Well, folks, the regular college football season has ended, conference championships have been played, and the field for the 1st College Football Playoffs has been announced.

Now begins the post season, and, more importantly, the silly season. It doesn’t matter which website or blog you may read, the comment sections always contain rich nuggets of insight from disillusioned fans in search of their next head coach.
After the loss to our cross-state rivals on the Flats, there were the expected calls for Mark Richt’s head. Amazing. Simply amazing. Mark Richt has a .737 winning percentage. Our gold standard for the program, Vince Dooley, had a .715 overall winning percentage. Richt has had seasons with 4 or more losses in 5 of the 14 years he’s been at Georgia. Dooley had 4 or more losses in 8 of his first 14 seasons. But remember, that was during an era when there were only 11 games in the regular season.

And finally, Richt has had only one losing SEC campaign in his 14 years while Dooley had 4. And the difference there is that during Dooley’s time at the helm, from ’62 to ’67 there were only 5 conference games, and from ’68 to ’77 there were only 6.

So what do we want?

Do we really want to fire the winningest coach in the history of the program outside of Wally Butts (Who, by the way, had FIVE seasons with a losing conference record)? Or are we, as Dawg Nation, delusional? We talk of National Championships as if it’s a birthright. It’s not.

Are we being hypocrites for demanding that we live up to our gloried past? In a sense, yes. Because, while our past is something to be proud of, it doesn’t dictate that we expect National Titles every year. What it DOESN’T mean is that we shouldn’t have expectations or that we shouldn’t strive for higher achievements, but to hear some talk, our destiny, based on our past, is to contend for the National Championship every year.

And, lastly, the view that Richt has no “fire in his belly” or fierceness to get his players motivated is pure, unequivocal nonsense espoused by individuals who don’t have the faintest idea of how to motivate people. True leaders, GOOD leaders have different methods of influencing subordinates to perform. For some it really could be a fiery speech. For others, it could be a look or a sneer. But, to categorize a coach as lacking a fieriness and desire to win because he is not animated is sadly naïve and, I suspect, from the youngsters amongst us or people who have never been in charge of anyone.

So what DOES this all mean? It means that I endorse Mark Richt and our Athletic Director. It means that I have faith that we will continue to have success despite the fact that we didn’t end up with the record that we desired this year (even though everyone KNEW that our defense would be suspect and Todd Gurley sat out 4 games). It means that we will have our National Championship one day and that we shouldn’t act like spoiled, over-indulged children. We’re not Bama, but we’re not Vanderbilt or Kentucky either. We’re Georgia. We DO have a proud tradition. And our University will continue to represent the Great State of Georgia with pride and integrity. And frankly, that’s about as good as it gets.

It’s been a great year folks. Thanks to the College Football Wizard for allowing me to have this forum to write and pontificate during the season. Thanks to you, the readers, for indulging me and not beating me up too badly with your comments. I hope everyone has a wonderful offseason and your team get’s all the 5 stars you are after and have a great season next year.

Until next time,
I’m Harley Hanesworth


Best College Football Names of the Year

In no particular order, are the “winners” of the best names in college football this season

Arizona Wildcats

Quarterback “Anu Solomon”….That kid is one “S” away in his first name from being a butthole, you know what I mean?

Linebacker “Scooby Wright III”….I think we know what his parents favorite cartoon is..

Cincinnati BearKats

Quarterback “Munchie Legaux”….You know his parents were smoking pot, right?

Cornerback “Leviticus Payne”….Well at least his parents have read the Bible

South Carolina

Wide Receiver “Pharoh Copper”…You can’t run a post route, but you expect us to believe that you can design a pyramid?


This past week former Gator Great and Heisman Trophy winner Tim Tebow along with the GMA Foundation went into a Wal-Mart in Orlando, Florida and paid off all the lay-away accounts for Christmas.

In other Heisman Trophy winner news……

Florida State Seminole and former Heisman Trophy winner Jameis Winston continues to act like a self-absorbed jackass who flaunts the law and can seemingly get away with, theft, destruction of property and rape in Tallahassee.


The Pepto Bismol Bowl

For those two teams that have turned their fans stomachs all season

Texas Longhorns and Texas A&M Aggies

The Preparation H Butt Burn Bowl

The rationale for the two teams selected here should be obvious…

Texas Christian Horned Frogs and Baylor Bears

The Electrolux Vacuum Cleaner Bowl

The motto for this bowl game: ”These two teams suck more than an Electrolux!”

West Point and Colorado


In today’s climate, when even hamburger commercials flaunt scantly clad women

I’ve got to hand the award for “Best Game Day Commercial” to Coach Lou Holtz

God Bless You Coach


I think Ron Burgundy sums it up nicely….



The University of Tennessee…..I simply don’t have the words



This Award goes to Coach Nick Saban at the University of Alabama for hiring Lane Kiffin as the offensive coordinator of the Crimson Tide

Everybody said, including many Alabama folks I know, that Coach Nick had lost his mind and didn’t know what he was doing…..

How do you like him now?

THE BEST OF THE 2014 (unpublished) EMAILS

Q: Dear Mister Wizard

Do you have any pregame rituals that you follow on game day for your team?

Are you at all superstitious?

Just wondering!

Julie – Tampa, Florida

A: Julie, I have a few pregame “rituals” so to speak….

I always wear the same shirt from the previous week’s game if we won, without washing the “win” off from the previous week. I always wear the same hat on game day, but in the event the game gets “tight” I will switch to another hat. But if the game gets really (really) tight I have been known to put on my old jersey and football helmet and stalk the living room while the game unfolds.

In fact I almost didn’t get the damn helmet off after the Arkansas game; I didn’t think my head had swollen up that much after all these years.

But with all that being said, “No” I wouldn’t consider myself to be superstitious

Q: Dear Sir

Why must “you veterans” always feel obligated during certain times of the year to espouse your imaginary virtues on the populace?

Please just stick to writing the football picks and leave the important issues of the day to our elected officials, educators and academia.

Have you ever read or heard the saying “The Pen is Mightier than the Sword”

Sincerely –

Howard – Boston, Massachusetts

A: So how is the weather on Fantasy Island these days Howard?

I won’t address your first comment from someone that clearly doesn’t know or understand the meaning of sacrifice. As to the three categories of people you named above that claim to “have the keys to the clue locker” let me ask you this, then why do those people always seem to be dumber than a sack of horse turds?

But as to your last comment….

They say a picture is worth a thousand words….

The Pen

Q: You are so damn stupid!

I can’t believe I just wasted thirty minutes of my life reading the crap that you write!

You are always picking against my Mississippi State Bulldogs!

You don’t know a damn thing about football or dogs you dumbass!

I doubt you even know what makes a dog wag its damn tail

Disgruntled in Starkville

A: I am certainly not the only one the Bulldogs of State have surprised this year, congratulations on an incredible season. It was remarkable

Now on to your last comment…

Although I’m not a veterinarian, I do know what makes a dog wag its tail

It’s their heart

Q: Dear Mister Wizard

What’s the one thing that you wouldn’t want to see on college game day?

Mark – Athens, Georgia

A: That’s an easy one Mark….

I wouldn’t want to see my Black Lab “Doc” or my German Sheppard “Sadie” in my living room with gas masks on and dressed in HazMat suits after I exit the bathroom.

They both guilt me down enough as it is without enduring that type of shame

Q: Dear CFB Wizard

Sir, as the President of the Wynonna Judd Fan Club International, it has come to my attention that for a number of weeks you have made a number of unflattering comments concerning the multiplatinum award winning recording artist that is loved and revered around the world.

I will not stoop so low as to address some of your ridiculous and absurd comments; however one series of comments in particular cannot go unchallenged.

For your information, Wynonna is not in anyway fat or overweight.

Simple put, she has “big bones”

Donna – Franklin, Tennessee

A: Big Bones? You mean like a Brontosaurus?

Q: Mister Wizard –

How do you survive games like the Iron Bowl?

It almost killed us!

The Davis Family – Athens, Alabama

A: I will give you a hint….

It kind of sounds like “Shmal-alcohol”

Q: Dear Football Wizard

Now before I go asking my question I just want to say that I’m a not what you call “Book Smart”, I’m more what you would call “magazine smart”.

So here goes my question, my cousin (Walter) is a wanting to marry his horse, yes sir you done read that right. Marry his damn horse.

He says it’s for tax reasons but I think there is a something else a going on. The other day he was a getting kind of cozy with the horse and that horse kicked the hell out of him and we had to take Walter to the hospital.

You got any ideas about this problem?

Toby – Lookout Mountain, Tennessee

A: The first thing I thought on this email was….

I think that Walter needs to learn that “Nay means Nay”

Q: Dear CFB Wizard

Hey, we love you up here in Morgantown West Virginia!

How come we couldn’t get any love when ESPN Game Day was in Morgantown?

We had West Virginia Native and Mountaineer Alumni Brad Paisley as the “Guest Picker”! How about a little love for Brad????

If you ever come here I swear we will burn a couch for you!

Go Mountaineers!

Tina – Morgantown, West Virginia

A: My deepest apologizes Tina, I certainly didn’t mean to slight my beloved Mountaineer fans and one would think with all the criticism I have leveled at ESPN’s College Game Day for choosing ridiculous and mentally challenged “guest pickers” I could have at least given credit to one of West Virginia’s Favorite Sons.

I hope this video helps corrects an injustice….

I will take you up on the couch burning one day; one question….

Will it be BYOM? (Bring your own matches?)


Friday December 12

Chattanooga at New Hampshire
Both of these teams have advanced to the next rounds in the playoffs
You don’t need to tell me
I know that New Hampshire is undefeated…..
I know that Chattanooga is a big underdog
I also know that this is the last “Upset Special” of the Season

Saturday December 13

Navy vs. Army
I know that this is widely considered to be “rivalry game”
But let’s be honest….
There hasn’t been a decent inter-service rivalry between these two since WW II

Coastal Carolina at North Dakota State
Another Playoff game in the beautiful Fargo Dome
This one is going to be close….real close

West Georgia at Colorado State-Pueblo
The Georgia Boys have won two playoff games on the road against some extremely tough competition, games I didn’t think they had a chance in….
They may very well be the Cinderella in this years playoffs

Next Week….

You didn’t really think Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator would forget Your 2014 Bowl Game Picks did you? Shame on you…

Of course not!

Next Thursday, Part I of the 2014 Bowl Picks will be on the website covering all of the Bowl games from December 20-29 and maybe even an extra surprise or two to get you ready for Christmas.

In the coming weeks you will have all Your Bowl Picks as I transform (once again) into Santa’s Bicycle Elf, in fact I can almost feel me ears getting a little pointed as I type this.

So Stay Tuned…..

One More Thing….

You have a “New” Christmas Story waiting for you on about a Christmas Lesson I learned a few years ago; It’s worth your time and I feel certain that you will enjoy it.

I want to thank all of you for have taken time out of your busy days to read the weekly articles and picks and I certainly want to thank you for reading At the rate I am going with publishing you may already have read the book before it’s ever released.

We will have a lot more Christmas stories and other things on both sites leading up to Christmas, so just remember that it’s not to late to be nice this time of the year.

Enjoy your Weekend


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