Thanksgiving College Football Picks

Ladies and Gentlemen –

We have a cornucopia of delightfully tasty treats on your Thanksgiving menu this year to satisfy even the most discriminatory arch rivalries taste buds.

Our unhealthy main entrée of hate and discontent has been simmering in a sauce of disappointment, with a hint of aggravation for an entire year, and it is just about ready to be served.


You should really enjoy this meal that has been painstakingly prepared….

We have Apple Cups and Palmetto Bowls, along with a tasty, yet not overpowering Sunshine and Sunflower Showdown served, for those who enjoy a rustic Thanksgiving, in an Old Oaken Bucket.

There will be cups served by governors from commonwealths cut with Paul Bunyan’s Ax deliciously prepared in a nice bayou classic while being stirred ever so gently with a jeweled shillelagh.

For those with heartier appetites who desire something considerably spicier we have prepared a limited portion of Golden Egg Bowl topped with Good Old Fashioned Hate and an unhealthy side of Civil Damn War served in an Iron Bowl.

But let me warn you, the bitterness of these dishes may last you all year.

Weekend Rewind……

Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator finished Week 13 of the College Football Season at 37 and 10 or 79%. While picking the monumental upsets of Minnesota over Nebraska (for the first time since 1960…) and Arkansas over Ole Miss (I told you…) and Louisville over Notre Dame….(Told you so Doctor Joe..)

That leaves The CFB Wizard at 527 and 141 or 79% so far in the season….

I know, you don’t need to say it….

The word “genius” just embarrasses me


Greetings from the Heart of SEC Country!!!

As I announced last week, our Telfair Trojans didn’t make the playoff. That fact, added to the cold weather, made it a long Friday evening here in Southeast Georgia. But before the season disappears into a distant memory, I’d like to recognize a few kids. Our Seniors have played their last games down on South Third but they poured their hearts and souls into believing in Coach Burleson’s new system and achieved great things. They are, Kelvin Clay, Roy Pound, Raymond Freeman, Gage Harrelson, Drew Williams, Kyle Foreman, Wes Yawn, Howard Williams, Dylan Webb, and Kylan Foreman. I want to personally thank these young men who have represented our county so well and wish them luck as they graduate and pursue their dreams. Next week, I’ll give you the names of some standout performers of the 2014 Telfair Trojans

 Up in Athens, Coach Mark Richt’s Pups had a tune up game for the intra-state scrap between the hedges this week. These Mangy Mutts sank the Buccaneers of the Holy City to the tune of 55 – 9 in a game that was over before the student body had finished arriving. The Cow College ground out over 560 yards of offense with Hutson Mason going 10 of 12 for 187 and 3 passing TD’s and Nick Chubb going over the century mark for the sixth straight game.

Over in Atlanta, Coach Paul Johnson was obviously conducting some after school tutoring as he is no doubt trying to figure out a way to defang the Dawgs for Saturday’s next edition of Clean, Old Fashioned Hate. With Duke’s demise against North Carolina on Thursday, the Bees have been crowned Coastal Champions and hope to scalp the ‘Noles for the Conference Championship on December 6th.

And the Birds of the ‘Boro also took a week off to regroup after getting soundly trounced by the Middies of Annapolis. Coach Willie Fritz’s flock will no doubt be a bunch of Angry Birds come Saturday as they take on the Warhawks of UL-Monroe in an effort to seal the deal and lock up the Sun Belt Conference in their inaugural season.

Things I think:

Rivalry Week – Clean, Old Fashioned Hate. Iron Bowl. Egg Bowl. Battle of the Palmetto State. And others. Win and rule your state. Lose and hope for next year

Tennessee – Came up short. UGA needed that win to take the East Arkansas – Two SEC wins in a row. And in convincing fashion. Can you help us out and get that 3rd SEC win?

Ole Miss – The free fall has begun

Miss State – A win in the Egg Bowl solidifies your shot at the CFB Playoff

Auburn – Lot’s of angst on the Plains. Lots of anxiety heading into Saturday’s Iron Bowl

Alabama – Chomping at the bit for revenge and another shot at a National Title

South Carolina – Has the Defense found itself all of a sudden? We’ll see this Saturday against hated in-state rival Clemson

Florida – Got one more “W” in ya? Can you send Will out on a positive note?

Kentucky – Well…. At least basketball season has started.

Thanksgiving – I love this time of year. It’s the time when great food is served and great games are played. But most of all, it’s a great time for family gatherings.

This year, our gathering will be without one of my kids who has relocated to another part of the country. There will be a gathering of the family, but it won’t be the same without him. We always like to think of military and first responders who can’t make it home for the festivities. It’s a kind of lonely feeling if you’re away. So, let’s also think of those dear family members who, for whatever reason, just can’t quite make it back to share in the festivities and fellowship of this holiday.

Until next time,
I’m Harley Hanesworth


Q: Hey Wizard!

I got me an idea and I am a wanting you to promote it!

My wife (Gracie) and me done got us an idea, you ready?

It’s called “Possum-a-Thanks-a-giving”

Don’t that strike you!

And we is writing a possum cook book to go along with it

We got family recipes for roasted possum, possum and sweet potatoes, grilled possum, pickled possum feet (my favorite), possum stir fry, possum jam and a bunch others!

What do you think, will you help us?

Earl and Gracie – Oliver Springs, Tennessee

A: I’m sorry I was distracted…..

For a minute there you sounded like the Tennessee possum version of Bubba Gump

Q: Dear Sir I am a 36 year old amateur magician (Shazam!)

I just did a trick and you didn’t even see it!


Any WHO…..So here is my question, are you ready? Shazam!

Do you think there is any correlation to animal mascots vice other non-descript mascots for the selection committee on who does or doesn’t go to the four team playoffs?

While I am waiting for your answer….I just did another Trick! Shazam!

Jack McCracken – Cincinnati, Ohio

A: Jack, I can appreciate the fact you are writing from your grandmother’s basement while wearing your Garanimals pajamas, but it’s best that you leave critical thinking to the grown-ups and continue to take your prescribed medications.

Q: Mister Wizard will you be shopping this year on “Black Friday”?

What gift ideas are you looking to get a deal on this year?

Thank you!

Debbie – Branson, Missouri

A: Debbie, I will not be baited into your “racist rhetoric”

I no more shop on Black Friday than I do on Mexican Monday or Trinidad Tobago Tuesday….But since you are asking, I will do my shopping on the same day I always do

White Wednesday

Q: You are the dumbest @#$ of a *&$%^ alive!

All you are doing is stirring a pot of #$%^ without a spoon.

There is NOTHING going ON at Florida State that hasn’t been investigated!

Get it straight dumbass!

Evan – [email protected]_ _ _ _

A: Evan I will grant you that I am not the smartest person around and I can give references to support that claim. But I’m certainly not the dumbest, because I’m not a democrat

Q: Hey Mister CFB Wizard

There has been a lot of talk about “How Great!” Coach Fisher and the Seminoles are…

Well who do you think trained that Coach?

The same guy with a giant statue on the Florida State campus, that’s who!

Why isn’t anybody talking about how great he still is, I ask you!

If it wasn’t for that great Coach then there wouldn’t be a Coach Fisher and last years Championship!

Ok, I’m done I have to take a nap

Doobie Howden – Tallahassee, Florida

A: Don’t be alarmed, Coach Bobby still gets confused sometimes….


ESPN COLLEGE FOOTBALL GAMEDAY: Having College Game Day for the Harvard – Yale game was sooooo cute…..

When I heard the team’s coaches and the players say…..

“This game is just as big as Alabama and Auburn…”

You know, when rich kids play dress up just like “real” football players, in their little uniforms in those little bitty stadiums well……

It’s just soooo cute, you know like that video of that squirrel water skiing

It’s just precious

VIRGINIA TECH: All you could muster was three lousy points against Wake Forest?


NORTH ALABAMA: My beloved Florence Lions went down last week in a hard fought game against Valdosta State….

It’s time to break out the Delta State apparel….

I am going full-on Fighting Okra from here on out…

OKLAHOMA: I have a question……

Coach Stoops where in the hell have you been hiding that kid that ran for 427 yards last week against Kansas?


ARKANSAS: Two wins in a row while shutting out both LSU and Ole Miss

You can laugh if you want too….

But the Razorbacks are playing as good as anybody in the country right now

And that’s a fact

NEBRASKA: Told you so…

TENNESSEE: Last Week Coach Butch Jones of Tennessee took to the television stations and the air waves to encourage the Volunteer faithful to sell the game out against Missouri. He pleaded with the fan base to show up to Neyland Stadium for Saturday night….

They didn’t respond…..

What the Hell is wrong with you people that you can’t sell out a home game with Bowl implications?

OLE MISS: I guess it’s safe to say…..

Bo don’t know the Arkansas Razorbacks

MINNESOTA: Coach Jerry Kill’s Gophers are playing the most inspired football of anybody (and I do mean anybody) in the Big Ten Conference.

Congratulations on a Great win last week Coach

FLORIDA STATE: In case you missed it…..

Last Saturday Florida State had the great Burt Reynolds plant the spear at mid-field to start the game against Boston College.


It hurt my soul to see how old and frail Burt has gotten….

This is how I prefer to remember Burt Reynolds….


And as a side note, every time I see that picture, it’s like I’m looking in a mirror

Clearly I am as delusional as I am good looking

COLLEGE FOOTBALL PLAYOFF: With all the rhetoric and debate about “Who” should be in the four team college football playoff.

I want to simply say this…..

Although the teams I am getting ready to name certainly don’t have the “conference records” to be in the playoffs, but I can assure you that nobody wants to play…

Minnesota, Arkansas and Louisville

Those three teams may very well be playing the best football of anybody in the country at the moment. Believe it….

RIVALRIES: I get emails all the time on the subject of college football rivalries asking

“What makes a college football rivalry?”

Let me break this one down for you

“IF” this past Sunday in church, you had people on one side of the church representing one university and the other side of the church representing the opposition, then you have yourself a rivalry.

“IF” you don’t let your kids play with the neighbors kids the week before the rivalry game only because they represent your archrival, then you have yourself a rivalry.

“IF” you see a vehicle passing you and it has a license tag, or bumper stickers etc. representing your archrival and your middle finger does not instinctively come up on its own, then you DO NOT have yourself a rivalry.

“IF” you avoid the phone, family, friends and neighbors several days after your beloved team lost to your archrival then you have yourself a rivalry.

Those are but some of the ingredients of “The Iron Bowl”

I hope this helps….


Tuesday November 25

Ohio at Miami (OH)
These two fine Universities don’t have a name for their rivalry and there isn’t any trophy.
Primarily because it’s difficult to accurately reflect “hatred” on a trophy.

Thursday November 27

Texas Christian at Texas
Sometimes Thanksgiving Dreams do come true….

LSU at Texas A&M
I twisted my ankle jumping off the Aggie bandwagon two weeks ago….

Friday November 28

Nebraska at Iowa
This recent rivalry in the Big Ten is played for the “Hero’s Trophy”
Why somebody is playing for a sandwich is beyond me…..
But at least the game is sponsored by Subway, which is nice

Western Kentucky at Marshall
The Thundering Herd is the “other” undefeated team that no one is talking about…
This one will be a shoot-out in Huntington, Believe it

Central Florida at South Florida
They call this Battle in the Sunshine State….
“The War on I-4”
I wonder…….
If when they announce “The War on I-4” before the game….
Does some older person in attendance yell “BINGO!”

Houston at Southern Methodist
My Poor, poor Ponies……
Damn it…

Arkansas at Missouri
I don’t think anybody can stop the Razorbacks right now…
Run Hogs, Run
HAWGS 33-17

Navy at South Alabama
The Midshipmen of Navy are steaming towards their matchup with Army….
So let me be the first to say….

Stanford at UCLA
As much as I hate to admit it….
The Bruins of UCLA are playing as well as anybody…
They aren’t out of the big picture just yet
BRUIN’S 34-14

Arizona State at Arizona
This instate Battle in the Land of Sand and Illegal Aliens….
Is known as “The Duel in the Desert” and It’s played for the coveted…
“Territorial Cup”
And the bucket of sand goes tooooooooo……

Colorado State at Air Force
This Rocky Mountain Showdown is played for the “Ram Falcon Trophy”
I’m sorry Falcons…..

Virginia at Virginia Tech
The Battle in the Commonwealth of Virginia is played each season for the coveted “Commonwealth Cup”
Let’s keep this one simple……
Stick a fork in the Turkeys of Tech…they are done for the season.

Saturday November 29

Oregon at Oregon State
This bitter instate rivalry is called “The Civil War”
It’s played for the Platypus Trophy….
But believe me, there won’t be anything civil about this game

Florida at Florida State
This instate battle in the sunshine state is called “The Sunshine Showdown”
It’s going to be a bloody one and believe it or not…..
It could easily go either way

Kansas at Kansas State
This “not-so” bitter instate rivalry in the Sunflower State is called….
“The Sunflower Showdown” and it’s played for the Governors Cup
And in case you were wondering…..
The Governors Cup will stay with Kansas State until Hell Freezes over

Minnesota at Wisconsin
This Old Big Ten rivalry game is for the coveted “Paul Bunyan’s Axe”
I am calling “Upset” on this one…
Go Gophers

Utah at Colorado
The Buffalo’s have been eerily consistent all season
The Boy’s from Boulder keep their streak alive this weekend
TWO UTES 28-17

West Georgia at Delta State
I don’t know what you have planned for Thanksgiving…
But if you know what’s good for you
You better Fear the Okra

Notre Dame at Southern California
This rivalry between these two delusional institutions is played for…
“The Jeweled Shillelagh”
Not to be confused with the “Bedazzled Shillelagh” or the “Bacon Shillelagh”
I hope that has cleared up any misunderstanding

South Carolina at Clemson
The Battle for the Palmetto State
This intense instate rivalry is played for more than just the Palmetto Cup
It’s about pride and more importantly…Bragging Rights

Kentucky at Louisville
This Battle in the Commonwealth of the Bluegrass is played for….
“The Governors Cup”
The Cats will leave this game Bluer than a Smurf

Wake Forest at Duke
I don’t really care and frankly neither should you

Grambling State vs. Southern University
This rivalry is played each year in the New Orleans Superdome
It’s called “The Bayou Classic”
This is always one heck of a game…
And the halftime “Battle of the Bands” is not to be missed

Pittsburgh at Miami (FL)
Although the Hurricanes have been downgraded to a tropical depression….
They should still have enough gusts to keep the panthers at bay

Minnesota Duluth at Ouachita Baptist
The second round of the NCAA Division II Playoffs
Not that it matters here….
But people from Minnesota talk funny

West Virginia at Iowa State
Thanksgiving in Morgantown is known for two wonderful traditions….
1: A wonderfully prepared meal with family and friends enjoying the warmth of kith and kin in an embrace of thanksgiving and gratitude for all of life’s blessings.
2: Quickly following the meal they drag their couch into the front yard and set it on fire
(Yeah, I don’t get the second one either…)

Purdue at Indiana
I know what many of you are asking about this rivalry game
What is the origin of the “Old Oaken Bucket” trophy?
The answer is simple….
They decided many years ago on an Old Oaken Bucket trophy…..
Because there isn’t a “Nobody Gives a Crap about your two teams” trophy

Washington at Washington State
This instate battle in the shadows of Mt. Rainier is played for the coveted…
“Apple Cup”
Please note that the Apple Cup Trophy is not to be confused with the rivalry game “rock-paper-scissors” in San Francisco which is played for the “Fruit Cup”

Brigham Young at California
This game is what we like to call “filler”….
It’s what you have on in the background as you are preparing your grill

Michigan at Ohio State
This hated cross-state rivalry has one name…”The Game”
Some of the greatest coaches and players to have ever played the game have participated in this four quarter brawl. This one is going to be uglier than a slideshow on gingivitis

Georgia Tech at Georgia
You know you have a hateful instate rivalry game when it’s simply called
“Good Old Fashioned Hate”
This one is for you Lewis…

Illinois at Northwestern
As you may have already guessed….
This Big Ten matchup is played for (yet again) another “trophy”
It’s played for the “Land of Lincoln Trophy”
While the losers of this game receives two coupons to Bed Bath and Beyond…
This leads me to the question….
“What’s “Beyond” mean…beyond what…Outer Space?

North Carolina State at North Carolina
This tussle on Tobacco Road is always a good one, even if the teams are not…
I went against the Heels two weeks and a row and got tarred and feathered
I learned my lesson

Syracuse at Boston College
This rivalry doesn’t have a name or a trophy….
But in the land of the frozen tundra, this one is a biggie

San Diego at Montana
It should be a balmy zero degrees in Big Sky Country by kickoff…..
Welcome to Montana California Kids

South Dakota State at Montana State
This border war doesn’t have a name or a trophy…..
It’s all about “We Hate You”
Kind of warms the heart, doesn’t it?

Mississippi State at Ole Miss
In the Magnolia State it doesn’t get any bigger than “The Golden Egg Bowl”
There will be fights, arguments, and brawls and name calling…..
And that’s just between fans in the parking lot before kickoff
This game is intense

Baylor vs. Texas Tech
This game between two old Southwest Conference rivals hasn’t lost its edge with time
I would love to see the Red Raiders ride…..
But it’s not going to happen, sorry
DA BEARS 41-24

Michigan State at Penn State
Happy Valley won’t be so happy after the Spartans come to town…

Rutgers at Maryland
Both schools should save their money and play this game via correspondence….
I’m just saying…

Tennessee at Vanderbilt
This instate rivalry wasn’t much of a rivalry until the Commodores started winning the past few years, but now it’s serious for the folks in Orange.
Congratulations Vowels, order has been restored and you are going to a bowl game
VOWELS 44-13

Louisiana-Monroe at Georgia Southern
I have a lot of respect for both teams in this contest….
But the running Eagles are hard to beat in Statesboro

Hawaii at Fresno State
I don’t care about this game, the Iron Bowl is about to kickoff…

Auburn at Alabama
Keith Jackson, The voice of College Football, had this say about this game..
“There are rivalries and there are rivalries and then there is Alabama and Auburn”
This is the Iron Bowl

Next Week….

Your Week 15 Picks will be out next Thursday, providing of course I am not having a liver transplant from the results of the Iron Bowl. There should also be a little something on next week to get you in the mood for December.

So Stay Tuned….

One More Thing….

Thanksgiving is a time to be thankful for all that you have, not what you don’t have

Disappointments are inevitable, but discouragement is a choice

The past year and a half has been the hardest I have ever experienced in my adult life and I certainly wouldn’t wish the pain, disappointment and rejection I have endured on anyone.

Nor would I trade it for anything in this world

I’m neither discouraged nor defeated

God has used these trials and tribulations of mine to sand down my rough edges, make me a better person and to prepare me for the future. Whatever that might be….

So if you can’t find anything to be thankful for this thanksgiving

Then at least be thankful that you haven’t been as jacked up as The CFB Wizard

God Bless You All and Happy Thanksgiving


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