College Football Picks Week 7

October 9, 2014
By

Ladies and Gentlemen –

I still can’t believe it

I knew it was going to be a close game but……

I just can’t believe the Arkansas-Monticello Bo Weevils Lost….

O’ Yeah and there was that “other” game, which I won’t mention


The Weekend (For Me To Forget) Rewind….

Week 6 of the College Football Season, now known around the RTR Farm and in certain areas of Oklahoma, South Carolina and Louisiana as “The Saturday that will not be discussed” left your once reliable favorite college football prognosticator with a dismal 37 and 13 or 74% for the week.

After six weeks in this 2014 college football season The CFB Wizard is 270 and 69 or just barely hanging on at 80% by the hair of my chinny chin chin…..

EDITORS NOTE: The above comment was no way intended as a disparaging remark towards our largest Asian Creditors, I have enough problems of my own without angering six billion Chinamen


SOUTH GEORGIA FOOTBALL NEWS and VIEWS

Greetings from the Heart of SEC Country!!!

Folks, it was another tough week on South Third as the Patriots of Wilcox County made the short drive over on 280 from Rochelle to tangle with our Trojans. It was nip and tuck for much of the game until a couple of late, untimely turnovers led to two unanswered touchdowns as the Boys in Blue fell by a 42-20 score. Coach Burleson was upbeat as usual after the game, saying “We’re in the heart of the Region 2A schedule now and it’s tough. This Region has some good teams that compete for championships yearly. We’re heading in that direction. It’s coming. I know it is.” We’re behind you, coach. There’s a ‘never say die’ attitude that we see every week and we’re proud of our team.

The Seamen of Vandy made the trip to Athens for a little skirmish between the hedges Saturday but the Red Clay Hounds turned Sanford Stadium into the Bermuda Triangle as they demolished the ‘Dores by a  44-17 salvo. A steady barrage of Torpedoman Todd Gurley sank the visitors as he ground out over 160 yards and 2 TDs and even tossed in an aerial assault to the tune of 50 yards in the romp. Next up for the Cow College is a visit to Faurot Field to take on the Columbia (West) Cats in an attempt to climb back into the SEC East driver’s seat.

Up in Atlanta the Slide Rule Jocks dispatched the South Atlantic Seagulls to the tune of 28-17. The Bees were buzzing with over 300 yards rushing as they sent the ‘U’ to their 3rd defeat of the season. The Wreck finally climbed into the polls this week for the first time since forever but holding on to that 5-0 record could prove difficult as the take on a resurgent Blue Devil team from Duke who’s smarting from a 22-10 beating at the hands of these same Hurricanes.

And finally, the Blue Birds of Prey swooped down and took on a pesky New Mexico State squad in Las Cruces on Saturday and came away with a 36-28 road win. After jumping out to a 14-0 lead, it looked like these Bandits of the Southwest were going to run away with it early but these Angry Birds were having none of that as they reeled off 29 straight points and intercepted the Aggies gunslinger Tyler Rogers 3 times to seal the deal. Instrumental in the win was Junior Alex “Castaway” Hanks who chipped in 12 critical points over the uprights which proved crucial in this game. If you remember last year, the kicking game cost us dearly. Next up for the Eagles is a visit from the cellar dwelling Delinquents of Idaho in another Sun Belt showdown in an attempt to keep their unblemished record clean.

Things I think:

Georgia Southern – Two lost fumbles away from being undefeated and possibly in the Top 25

Ole Miss – Outside the State of Georgia, I like Alabama football. But for a few hours on Saturday I was a huge Rebel fan. Admit it. Some of you were too.

Oxford and Starkville – Great backdrop for College Game Day and SEC Nation.

Oxford and Starkville II – What a great scene on the football field after those monumental wins

Florida – Will lives to fight another day, but, you don’t make flamboyant statements to another team’s fan base with a won/loss record like that

Tennessee – Heading in the right direction

Polls – Never saw all those upsets coming and how it impacted the polls

South Carolina – You probably should have taken the Vince Dooley approach of downplaying your team a little prior to the season starting. Telling a starving fan base that your D may be as good or better than last year wasn’t smart. See Jim Donnan

41-0 at the Half – If you recall, that’s what the halftime score was in the Telfair – Irwin County game last week. When our boys walked off that field to go into the locker room and regroup at halftime, heads were down, shoulders were shrugged, and the atmosphere in the stands was gloomy.

But this program and this town have been through far worse.

Our lifetime won/loss record reveals that we’re over 150 games below .500. We’ve endured hardships of drought and unemployment in this rural county and each one of these kids knows that life isn’t always kind in a place where the rest of the state seems to pass us by.

And as I stood outside the locker room waiting to get a quick word with Coach Burleson, I could hear him speaking.

It was loud in there. It was intense.
But it wasn’t a berating rant being that I heard.
It was a reminder that this team, these kids, could simply go back out on the field, go through the motions, and limp home with their tails between their legs or they could inspire the mothers, fathers, aunts, uncles, neighbors, and friends that came to watch them play, with some grit and determination and show them that they wouldn’t quit and let them down, no matter what the score. And that’s exactly what they did.

Irwin thought they had the game in the bag and started playing their subs in the second half. But after a fast start by the Trojans, it soon became apparent that this Telfair team wasn’t going to simply roll over and take it. We were and are proud of these kids. They represented our community well, as they always have. In a small town like this, they provide a spark and a meaning to Friday nights in the Fall. We didn’t win on the scoreboard, but, overall, in the biggest game of all, life, we were winners on that night.

Well, That’s it for now. Hope everyone’s team wins and you have a great week.
And remember; make sure you support your local High School Athletics.

These are your future collegians of tomorrow.

Until next time,
I’m Harley Hanesworth

EMAILS OF THE WEEK

Q:  Hey, Mr Wizard-
What the heck is up with Mark Richt up at Georgia?
Did you read what happened?
They kicked somebody off their team for SHOPLIFTING!!!
I mean come on, he cut his coaching teeth down here in Tallahassee!!! He knows better!!!

I mean, that boy didn’t rape somebody and tape it or anything, did he?
That kid just got a five finger discount on some fish sticks!!!
I mean, we had one of our players that stole some seafood and all he got was a suspension from the baseball team, for crying out loud.
And I’ll tell you a little secret…

All of our players have been put on rosters for other sports so that if when they do get in trouble they can get suspended from the basketball team or the soccer team cause those games are played in the winter and spring!!!

Jimbo Fisher is a genius and that’s why the Georgia Bulldogs will always be wannabees.
They don’t know how to discipline their players!!!
GO NOLES!!!
Stedman in Steinhatchee

A: Well Stedman, that certainly was an enlightened take on the Seminole definition of “discipline” thank you so much.

Q: Sir,
As the NCAA commisioner, I have heard that there is some controversy surrounding SEC Commissioner Mike Slive’s fining of the University of Kentucky and University of Mississippi over fan conduct after their respective upset wins on Saturday, October 4.

Before you launch into a babbling and endless diatribe defending this unruly and behavior, I would like to remind you that we here at the NCAA are benevolent and feeling individuals and conclude that this conduct is detrimental to good order and discipline that should be maintained at all times.

Yes, this happened after regulation and yes, the incidents occurred on property owned by the respective states, but, we “ARE” the NCAA and we rule the world (of college athletics).

There have been numerous studies conducted after these boisterous mobs have torn down goalposts and they all revealed the same thing: 3.012% of all participants have been known to suffer bumps and bruises on the cranial region from falling goalposts and an astounding 76% of these revelers have been known to have consumed alcohol either before or after the incident.

In light of the heightened awareness of debilitating head injuries on the field we feel we must do everything in our power to not only protect the student athlete but also the fan exhibiting this primitive and brutish behavior after athletics.

I’m sure after reading this you will agree.

Mark Emmert

A: You have me wrong on this one commissioner.
Only people that aren’t used to winning games storm the football field and take down the goal posts and make asses out of themselves.

Q: Dear Sir,
I am a huge BIG BLUE Kentucky FAN and I just want to tell you something.
YOU CAN TAKE YOUR COLORS AND STICKEM WHERE THE SUN DON’T SHINE!!! Cause, guess what?
We had a blackout up in Lexington the other day and it won our team a huuuuuuuuge victory over that nasty Steve Spurrier and those nastier Gamecocks!!! And geess what?
Something bigger than that happened in the polls!!! Yep, we got FOUR VOTES in this week’s Top 25 poll!!!! Buddy, we are back and you can’t do anything about it with your smarty-pants remarks!!! So WATCH OUT SEC!!! WE’RE COMING TO GET YOU!!!

Just call me NOT YOUR FRIEND,

Parnam in Paducah

A: I will say this again for those universities, NIKE, Under Armor and anybody else within earshot….THOSE ARE NOT YOUR SCHOOL’S COLORS!

NOT….Pink and Black (Oregon)…Although that was slightly less nauseating than the Highlighter Green and neon yellow

NOT…..Pink (Any teams last weekend)….Here is a hint
WE are ALL Aware that there is Breast Cancer (Seriously we are) so how about just taking that money on the uniforms, ribbons etc. and give it to research on the disease instead of parading around on television in hot pink uniforms looking like gay teletubies on crack

AN APOLOGY FROM THE CFB WIZARD

Ladies and gentlemen I owe you all an apology

Last week I erroneously stated words to the effect…..

“ESPN Game Day couldn’t have possible picked a worse “Guest Picker” than a nasally, whining “singer” like Kenny Chesney for the South Carolina – Missouri game in Columbia South Carolina.”

I was wrong….

Last week ESPN went lower, way lower…..

So let me say this so that I will not be misunderstood or misquoted

“IF” I want to watch a talentless, clueless, rude, overly made up ho bag that doesn’t have a damn clue to what they are talking about then I will watch MSNBC and Al Sharpton.

Seriously, Katy Perry?

Thanks so much ESPN for ruining College Football Game Day two weeks in a damn row

Jackasses

A BRIEF CFB WIZARD COMMENTARY

As many of you may know I have had one heck of a time getting this book of mine published and as this little health fight I have continues I had determined that it’s time I try and go back to work.

But despite what you may hear the President or any other politician spout, it’s a tough time finding a job for someone like me in the United States of America, especially with what I am fighting.

But last week I had an idea; it wasn’t just an idea

It was “genius”

I saw that “former” Notre Dame and Kansas football coach Charlie Weiss had gotten fired (again) and was given 5 MILLION Dollars to leave the Kansas Jayhawks.

I also read that he was also given over 19 MILLION Dollars to leave Notre Dame.

So with that in mind….

If any of you dear readers know or come across a job or position that I can royally screw up (By the way, I can screw up a two car parade if that helps) Please let me know, I will gladly take a nominal salary NOT to come to work and screw stuff up.

Thank you

THE GAMES

Thursday Oct 9

Brigham Young at Central Florida
The talented Cougar quarterback is out for the season….
So Enough said…
O’ so Very GOLDEN KNIGHTS 31-24

Shorter at Delta State
No matter how you look at this game….
Shorter just doesn’t measure up
FIGHTING OKRA 41-10

Friday October 10

Washington State at Stanford
I don’t really care and neither should you
CARDINAL 34-31

Fresno State at UNLV
I would watch this game but my Black Lab “Doc” and my German Sheppard “Sadie” have insisted that we watch the “Lassie” marathon on TV Land
(Their favorite part is when Lassie tells everyone that Timmy is trapped in the well)
BULLDOGS 38-17

Saturday October 11

Alabama at Arkansas
Simply put….
I am not feeling too confident about this pick
CRIMSON TIDE 34-28

Auburn at Mississippi State
October News Flash……
“Mississippi Cinderella loses her shoe….”
WAR DAMN EAGLE 31-24

Ole Miss at Texas A&M
“Mississippi Cinderella is now officially barefooted….”
GIG EM AGGIES 31-28

Georgia at Missouri
In a tussle between “Dogs and Cats”…..
I’m a Dog Man
(Just ask my four legged kids Doc and Sadie)
DAWGS 34-17

LSU at Florida
I can honestly state for the record….
I do not recognize either of these teams this year
You guys are both killing me and my average
HEY FIGHTN’ TIGERS 24-17

Florida State at Syracuse
In an effort to boost morale on the Seminole football team….
Coach Jimbo Fisher this week authorized the burning of Tallassee
CRIMINOLES 141-10

Texas vs. Oklahoma
This game is known by many names
The Red River Rivalry….
The Red River Shootout….
But it is more commonly referred to in those states as
“War”
STRONGER LONGHORNS 31-28

Illinois at Wisconsin
This Old Big Ten (or Twenty Four) Rivalry is played each year for the coveted..
“Nacho Cheese Sombrero”
(I heard that thing is delicious)
THE POWER OF NACHO CHEESE 28-10

Louisiana-Monroe at Kentucky
I have read and heard that people in the Bluegrass are higher than a kite this year
Which is interesting….
Because I didn’t think you could smoke Bluegrass
WILDCATS 31-17

Middle Tennessee at Marshall
The leaves are turning in Huntington West Virginia and there is a chill in the air…
It’s time for the Herd to make a run at the title
WE ARE MARSHALL 38-17

Rice at Army
Seriously?

Cincinnati at Miami (FL)
I was asked in an email a week or so ago….
“Is Chili Town (Cincinnati) close to Funky Town?”
My reply was…
“Funky Town is right were you are setting if you have too much Gold Star Chili”
BEARKATS 31-28

West Virginia at Texas Tech
In the cold night air of Morgantown West Virginia on a Saturday night you can smell the sweet aroma of….
“Burning Couches”
MOUNTAINEERS 41-38

Indiana at Iowa
You guessed it….
Another Big Ten (Or sixteen) Rivalry game….
This one is played for the “Monkey Clump Trophy”
(Don’t feel bad, it looks like big ole petrified rhino turd to me too)
HAWKEYES 24-17

Northwestern at Minnesota
I never grow tired of these Big Ten (or twelve) rivalry games do you?
This old rivalry in the conference is played each year for the…..
“Viking Sphincter Whistle”
(I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t put my lips on that thing)
O’ SO Very GOLDEN GOPHERS 28-24

Duke at Georgia Tech
I keep picking Duke and they keep on losing….
Here we go again….
BLUE DEVILS 31-28

Bowling Green at Ohio
This rivalry in the Buckeye state is played each year for the coveted….
“We Wish We Were The Ohio State Buckeyes” Trophy
In case you were wondering the trophy is a statue of Woody Hayes laughing
FALCONS 34-24

Miami (OH) at Akron
Yet another rivalry this week in the Buckeye state and it’s a big one as well..
This one is played for “We are Glad We Aren’t the Michigan Wolverines” Trophy
(I don’t feel the need to explain the award, I am sure you understand)
ZIPPY THE PINHEADS 28-21

Oregon at UCLA
I had every intention of watching this powerful matchup in the PAC 12…
But I have to rearrange my sock drawer
Sorry, it’s that time of the year and I have to stick to my schedule
BRUIN BEARS 38-34

Texas Christian at Baylor
Don’t be surprised if this score is flipped the other way…..
I certainly won’t be
DA BEARS 34-28

North Carolina at Notre Dame
I was planning on watching this game…..
But this telecast conflicts with the VH1 Slim Whitman “Behind the Music” Special
Sorry…
FGHITINIGING IRSIISH 34-17

Michigan State at Purdue
I just love these “rivalry” games in the Big Ten (or something another) don’t you?
This intense and often times fierce rivalry is played for the “Polka Time Accordion”
It’s time to get your Polka On!
GO TELL THE SPARTANS 44-10

Toledo at Iowa State
A Note from the National Weather Bureau….
The Cyclones have been upgraded from a crawfish fart to a Buffalo fart…
Please take shelter behind a strong building or an overweight relative
BUFFALO FARTS 28-24

Boston College at North Carolina State
I have no idea which one of these teams will decide to show up on Saturday
I will go with the home folks in this one
WOLFPACK 31-28

Louisville at Clemson
Prepare for a shootout in Death Valley….
It’s going to be a nail bitter
DABO’S TIGERS 34-28

Virginia Military Institute at Navy
Damn It Navy I am serious this time….
MIDSHIPMEN 38-17

Oklahoma State at Kansas
On an unrelated side note to this game….
I would like to alert the University of Kansas that I am available to coach their football team to several losses from my RTR Farm, thus saving them relocation expenses etc.
Just so you know…
COWBOY UP! 231-3

Chattanooga at Tennessee
Homecoming in OBKnoxville…(Cue the Banjo music)
And in an unrelated side note….
It has been reported that more attendance for this game would be expected….
But for unexplained reasons many Volunteer fans this year are having difficulty getting the wheels back on their houses for the trip to the game
VOWELS 41-17

Houston at Memphis
I will tell you something about Memphis Tennessee….
If it weren’t for the rampant out of control crime, completely corrupt city government, abject poverty and urban blight it would be an awesome place to live.
COUGARS 24-21

Washington at California
Just for the record….
I still miss the Great Washington Coach Don James….
What a guy…
HUSKIES 28-14

Idaho at Georgia Southern
In case you were wondering…..
“Yes” this is the second Lynyrd Skynyrd reference in as many weeks….
FREEBIRDS 41-14

East Carolina at South Florida
If I were the Bulls of Tampa….
I would be praying for a Hurricane to blow through
PIRATES 41-21

Penn State at Michigan
I was asked in an email this week to…..
“Please say something positive about the Wolverines”
I am still working on that one
NITTANY LIONS 24-17

Charleston Southern at Vanderbilt
This is Homecoming in Music City…
This one may be a lot (as in a lot) closer than you might think
COMMODORES 34-17

Air Force at Utah State
I am calling this one an “Upset”….
The Air Force better not Drone me on this pick
FALCONS 31-28

Southern California at Arizona
I think this one will be close (real close)…..
Not that I care, because I don’t
TROJANS 34-31

Colorado State at Nevada
Coach Jim has the Rams rolling…..
That streak continues this Saturday
RAM TOUGH 33-31

Ouachita Baptist at Northwestern Oklahoma State
The Mighty Ouachita Baptists are undefeated so far this season…..
Take that Satan….
GOTCHA BAPTISTS 31-21

Gustavus Adolphus at St. Olaf College
There haven’t been this many drunken rowdy German’s in one place…..
Since the invasion of Poland
GUSTY 24-17

Harding at Arkansas-Monticello
I have a distinct feeling that the Bo Weevils are going to bite me in the ass on this pick
BO WEEVILS 24-21

Montana State at UC Davis
I wish this game was in Montana……
Now that’s some college football weather my friends
BOBCATS 38-31

Portland State at North Dakota
I can almost hear the NCAA Speech Police heads pop off with this pick….
FIGHTING SIOUX 34-33

Southern Illinois at North Dakota State
This one is going to be a tussle in the Fargo Dome….
I believe in the power of these mighty Bison
MIGHTY BISONS 34-24

North Alabama at UNC Pembroke
Isn’t “Pembroke” those people that make the summer sausages etc. during Thanksgiving and Christmas?
Never mind, that’s Pepperidge Farms….
Not that it matters here
FLORENCE LIONS 38-21

Next Week….

Hopefully Your Favorite Football Prognosticator will be able to produce your Week 8 College Football Picks next week without the benefit of a liver transplant.

Another week like this last one…..

And I will be shopping for a new liver at Wal-Mart

So stay tuned, there is more to come….

One More thing…..

Many of you may have heard this story before….

But it’s time to come clean about an “incident” that took place some years ago near my farm at the local county garbage dump and my “supposed” role in the thermonuclear explosion that took place.

It’s on mikerights.com in the ongoing series “High Crimes and Good Times”

I hope you all enjoy it

Enjoy your games….

RTR

THE CFB WIZARD

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