College Football Picks Week 4

September 18, 2014
By

Ladies and Gentlemen –

Thankfully the “electric internet” (as it is refereed too in this part of the world) has returned to the RTR Farm so I didn’t have to send the picks out this week from the local Funeral Home

(I still think they were trying to poison me with their coffee)

We have a lot to discuss this week, so let’s get to it

Enjoy….

Weekend Rewind…..

Last week; Your Favorite College Prognosticator was uncharacteristically 45 and 9 or 83% for Week 3 of the College Football Season.

I could blame the medication I am on for many of my delusional and off-based picks last week, but sadly I am not currently on any “prescribed” medication per-se, unless Sam Adams October Fest counts as medication. Then I will blame my dismal performance on one of the original founders of our Nation for leading me astray last week.

That aside….

That leaves The CFB Wizard thus far at 160 and 29 or an underachieving 85% so far this early in the season. But now that I think about it….

I don’t think it was the Sam Adams at all, I think those BBQ Pork Rinds I had last week expired in January 2013.

SOUTH GEORGIA FOOTBALL NEWS and VIEWS

Hello From the Heart of SEC Country!!!
 
Folks, it’s been a good little while since I’ve seen a bunch of mad-dog mean Gladiators defend the Coliseum of South Third like I did Friday night, but I think Coach Nate Burleson has unleashed a monster.

These Boys in Blue drew first blood and never looked back as they thoroughly dominated a Treutlan County squad by a score of 48-14. Price Dillon, Tyrone Taylor, and Roy Pound scored on TD passes from Ian Blankenship and the defense bowed their backs and turned in touchdowns off of a blocked punt by Kelvin Clay, a pick 6 by Jatterius Dudley, and another interception and fumble return for touchdowns in the third quarter.

I was not prepared for the intensity displayed by these kids in their third year under Coach Burleson, but I like what I see. Next up for these young warriors is a trip to Ashburn to take on the Rebels of Turner County in the first game of the Region 2A schedule. The bandwagon still has plenty of seats so let’s load it up and cheer our boys on to victory!!!
 
Our very own Clark County Cow College made the short trip to the Chicken Coop over in Columbia to renew a rivalry that has gotten more intense as the years have passed. As a portent of things to come, the game got delayed by over an hour and a half by bad weather and lightening.

It was nip and tuck all the way but the Hounds took it on the chin as they literally came up less than an inch short in a 38-35 setback to the Pullets of Williams-Brice. The Dawgs get a warm up game next week against Troy before they get back into the SEC East schedule with a home date against the Coon Skinners of Knoxville.

Meanwhile, up in Hot-lanta, the Wreck was looking forward to cruising to an easy win against one of those lesser “payout” teams en route to a big conference game against the Turkeys of Va-Tech. The only problem was, nobody bothered to tell the Blue Birds of Statesboro that they were supposed to roll over and play dead.

The Raptors of the Low Country of South Georgia did their best to play the role in the first half, but Coach Willie Fritz obviously reminded them at halftime that it would be fun to win this game and take the money and run. And it almost happened, if not for a late fumble that cost Erk’s Eagles the game late in the 4th quarter while clinging to a 38-35 lead. At that point the Slide Rule Jocks took advantage of the opportunity and punched in a late TD to eke out a 42-38 win. The Trade School may not have been singing those Statesboro Blues at the end of this game but I’ll bet there was probably a little ‘Stormy Monday’ going on up on North Avenue for Coach Paul Johnson after this close call.
 
I went down to my Father-In-Law’s 90th birthday this weekend and I was reminded of what being from a small Southern town is all about.

Broxton, Georgia is literally a one stop light town, with a small bank, a Post Office, a couple of convenience stores, and a small grocery store. Like most other small towns it has its share of churches and, in this town of just under 1200, everybody knows each other. The big event took place at a small church nearby and was attended by over 150 people. In other words, over 10% of the population of this little spot in the road came to wish an old man Happy Birthday and show their appreciation for the lives he has touched.

And that, in itself, is what being from a small town down in Dixie is all about.

It’s about the neighbors, the chickens that run loose all over town, giving a wave to the guy driving down the road in the other direction from you, the greeting of “hey, how ya’ doing this morning” from the clerk at the store, and the humming birds doing a fly by from only an inch in front of your face. It’s yes ma’am and no ma’am, no matter how old you are, and it’s the genuine joy expressed by the neighbor lady when she greets you and says “it’s so good to see you again!!”

You really haven’t lived until you’ve lived in a place like that.
 
Well, That’s it for now. Hope everyone’s team wins and you have a great week.

And remember; make sure you support your local High School Athletics.
These are your future collegians of tomorrow.

Until next time,
I’m Harley Hanesworth

COLLEGE FOOTBALL NEWS

ARKANSAS STATE: In case you missed this….

Two weeks ago the Red Wolves of Arkansas State wanted to honor two of their teammates who passed away this last year in separate car accidents…

Player Markel Owens and former equipment manager Barry Weyer

The players decided that having a cross with the men’s initials on the back of their helmets would be a good way to remember them. And the players ran on to their home field against Montana State wearing just what you see below.

660-Montana-State

But NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

The Freedom From Religion Foundation in Wisconsin….Threatened a lawsuit against the university and their football team, athletic department etc.

EDITORS NOTE: Yes, I said “Wisconsin” and in case you guessed it already….The FFRF is just a catchy phrase for perpetually offended “Atheists”

The Atheists said “They didn’t mind if the team honored their departed teammates….”

EDITORS NOTE: Well that was mighty white of them, don’t you think?

But the Atheists Organization opposed the “Cross” being displayed but kindly offered up several alternate ways to mourn the departed at a sporting event.

EDITORS NOTE: We Southerners just LOVE it when know it all godless Yankees tell us “How We” should do something. Seriously, we do….

In this Politically Correct Collegiate World….

The University administration caved to the demands of the Atheists and told the players that they either had to remove the cross, cover it up or alter it before taking the field.

Now this week….from the Liberty Institute

“ASU’s actions in defacing the students’ memorial stickers to remove their religious viewpoint is illegal viewpoint discrimination against the students’ free speech,” said Hiram Sasser, director of litigation for Liberty Institute.

Mr. Sasser, who is representing an unnamed student, gave the university until Wednesday to “cease your censorship and publicly acknowledge, in writing, the right of ASU’s students to engage in private speech, including speech in the form of a cross-shaped helmet sticker memorial to their former colleagues.”

EDITORS NOTE: One last thing on this subject…..

Have you ever noticed that Atheists only seem to be offended by Christians?

Think about it….

SOUTH CAROLINA: Last week before the Georgia game Coach Steve Spurrier had this to say at his weekly press conference…

“Let me say this, off the subject of this weeks game….If you hit a girl here, you are off the football team and will be sent packing. There is no excuse for it and it won’t be tolerated and you won’t be given a second chance”

Not only do I applaud what Coach Steve had to say, I also know he “means it”

And I want to say this as well….

It’s a shame that other coaches and programs don’t share the same philosophy

When Phil Fulmer was Coach at the University of Tennessee….

The University, the athletic department and the head football coach tolerated….

The Rape of an underage, mentally challenged girl in the athletic dorm

The assault of a 100 pound girl by a 320 pound defensive lineman, hitting her after class hard enough to break her jaw and knock out several teeth, all because she wouldn’t write his papers for him.

There are so many other similar incidents that took place during Phil Fulmer’s tenure, that it would take too much space and time to record here…

Wait, I used the wrong word to describe this; it wasn’t “tolerated” it was “encouraged”

Because if you tolerate that type of behavior then you are encouraging it

Isn’t that right Florida State?

ESPN COLLEGE GAMEDAY: Last Saturday the College Game Day crew was in Fargo North Dakota for the Mighty Bison game in the Fargo Dome against the University of Incarnate Word.

Not only was it worth the time to see Coach Lee Corso with the Bison Mascot…

But it was evident that the crew and commentators were enjoying every minute of their time in North Dakota and with the Mighty Bison of North Dakota State

And let me say this…..

I haven’t seen classier coaches, players and fans in a very long time if ever.

If you haven’t ever seen a North Dakota State Bison game, you don’t know what you are missing. They are something else….

NCAA: The NCAA had to reverse field on their illegal knee jerk sanctions of Penn State that took place immediately following the allegations of child abuse etc that took place several years ago.

I told you they didn’t have any jurisdiction or authority to do that, remember?

I should have been an attorney…

ESPN 2: Listen closely both you followers of the NASCAR Doublewide Series….

Don’t EVER (Ever) delay the start of the telecast of the second ranked college football team in the country again because the damn race (Which nobody is watching) is taking too damn long.

And just for the record, for any NASCAR fans that are upset over this statement….

Tell me who is leading the NASCAR Doublewide Series?

I’ll wait…..

UNIFORM TO UNIFORM: For the love of all that is Holy in College Football…

STOP with the “Honoring Uniforms”!!!!!!!!!!

Honor America, Autism Awareness, Breast Cancer, Camouflage for the Military…..

Save the Whales, Pet your Hamster, Awareness this and some Awareness for that……

STOPPPPPPPPPPPPPP IT NOW!

Last week’s Maryland “Francis Scott Key’s Day” Uniform’s almost game me Vertigo

THE SEC NETWORK: As if the SEC Network couldn’t possibly have any more of a disgusting love feast with Paul Finebaum, they used this promotion last week concerning his 20 HOUR a WEEK Program…..

“Paul Finebaum is the leading opinion maker in college football”

EDITORS NOTE: My friends if you allow a pencil necked idiot like Paul Finebaum to form your opinions for you, then you have a lot more problems than can be addressed in this forum.

IN THE IMMORTAL WORDS OF….

In the immortal words of the British rock and roll band “The Who”…

“WHO ARE YOU?”

Southern California…..
Virginia Tech….
Georgia…..

COMMERCIALS: I have a question….

Why should we listen to a celebrity / movie actor who makes 20 million dollars per crappy movie on what credit card we should have?

Yeah, like they have any idea what the hell a credit card is…..or how to pay for it.


THE GAMES


Thursday, September 18

Auburn at Kansas State
Will this one be close?
Yes, yes it will be….
WAR DAMN EAGLE 28-24

Saturday, September 20

Troy at Georgia
Thankfully for the Bulldogs this one won’t come down to a field goal
DAWGS 41-17

Eastern Michigan at Michigan State
I Know, I know…..
We are talking about a “big” Ten team here but I have confidence in this pick
GO TELL THE SPARTANS 38-14

Georgia Tech at Virginia Tech
The Hokies played like Turkey’s last week….
And the Wreck just barely Rambled…
This one may be a toss-up
HOKIES 28-24

Bowling Green at Wisconsin
Behold the Power of Processed Aerosol Cheese Spray
CHEESE MEN 33-24

Iowa at Pittsburgh
I wouldn’t call this an upset, unless you’re a Hawkeye’s Fan..
But then again you all should be used to that by now
PANTHERS 28-17

Langston at North Alabama
I knew a Murray Langston once….
He used to throw rocks at passing trains and smell his hands after he peed
How did a weird kid like that start his own college?
FLORENCE LIONS 38-14

Western Illinois at Northwestern
Don’t be surprised if this score goes the other way….
I won’t be
WILDCATS 28-17

Southern Illinois at Purdue
(Please see the above comment concerning Northwestern)
BOILERMAKERS 17-10

Maryland at Syracuse
Note to those intending on watching this telecast….
“IF” you are prone to seizures, vertigo or dementia DO NOT view this game in any form to include replays etc. or you may suffer permanent damage to your cornea, retina and optic nerves. Not to mention it has been reported that ESPN’s Beth Mowins will “commentate” the game, which will cause bleeding from both ear canals.
URANGE 10-7

EDITORS NOTE: You do know she has a voice that sounds like someone is strangling a cat don’t you?

Tulane at Duke
Just think…..
If Duke was in the “big” Ten they would be leading the Conference right now….
BLUE DEVILS 34-0

Maine at Boston College
I don’t know who or what woke the Eagles up last week….
Maybe it’s migratory bird season?
CHESTNUT HILL EAGLES 41-17

Marshall at Akron
This one will be close (Real close)….
But I am going with the Thundering Herd in the one
Believe it
WE ARE MARSHALL 34-31

Hawaii at Colorado
O.K. follow the logic in this pick….
Dog the Bounty Hunter lives in Hawaii, but he is originally from Colorado…
See what I mean?
Also, the Buffalos football team stinks..
WARRIORS ELECTRIC SLIDING ON RAINBOWS 28-24

Montana at North Dakota State
This cross state grudge match will be one heck of a football game…
But I don’t think anything can slow down the Bison stampede this year
MIGHTY BISON 38-31

Florida at Alabama
This one will be close…….
Very Close, so don’t leave your seats
CRIMSON TIDE 28-24

Texas A&M at SMU
My poor ponies…….
GIG EM’ AGGIES 41-14

Louisville at Florida International
The International House of Pancakes…
Is going to look like a Belgian Waffle by halftime….
BOBBY’S BIRDS 44-10

Virginia at Brigham Young
Believe it or not….
This one may be too close to call
COUGARS 24-21

Carson-Newman at Brevard College
The Eagles disappointed last week, but they have more than enough offense to win this game, now if they can only learn to play some defense.
SPARKS EAGLES 41-24

North Carolina at East Carolina
Before you ask….
“No” I’m not joking…
PIRATES 31-28

Army at Wake Forest
I cannot actually believe I am picking Army to win this game….
BLACK KNIGHTS OF THE HUDSON 21-17

Central Michigan at Kansas
The Jayhawks are on course (once again) to be an “at large” bid for the “Electrolux Vacuum Cleaner Bowl” because as we all know; The Jayhawks Suck
MIDGET CHIPS 28-24

Rutgers at Navy
I am calling this one an “Upset”…….
GO NAVY
MIDSHIPMEN 28-24

Delta State at Valdosta State
This game may very well decide the division Championship…
Yes it’s that important…
I’m an Okra Man
FIGHTING OKRA 34-31

Utah at Michigan
I would rather stare at an ant farm for three hours than watch this game…
WOLVERINES 21-17

Indiana at Missouri
Hoosier Daddy….
MO’S TIGERS 41-10

Texas State at Illinois
I would watch this game….
But the History of Sock Monkeys is going to be on QVC at the same time…
Sorry….
FIGHTING PUMPKINS 24-17

Massachusetts at Penn State
Coach Franklin has these Lions ready to roar for another week…
Believe it…
NITTANY LIONS 34-10

San Jose State at Minnesota
I was going to watch this game, but I have two words for you…
“Sea Monkeys”
Enough said…
O’ SO VERY GOLDEN GOPHERS 24-21

East Central at Ouachita Baptist
The Baptists baptized the Nazarenes last week….
I am betting they will do the same to the Boys from Rand McNally this week
GOTCHA BAPTISTS 24-17

Florida Atlantic at Wyoming
The Snow is already falling in Laramie……
The Boy’s from Florida haven’t seen that much white stuff on the ground since the last cocaine bust on campus
COWBOY UP! 31-17

Presbyterian at North Carolina State
The Blue Ho’s get Hosed this Saturday…
(I’m sorry that sounded kind of nasty)
WOLFPACK 44-10

Bethune-Cookman at Central Florida
It’s a little early for a “Homecoming Game” isn’t it Knights?
O’ So Very GOLDEN KNIGHTS 51-10

Georgia State at Washington
The once mighty Huskies aren’t as good as advertised so far this season…
But they will still take a bite out of the panthers, believe it
HUSKIES 34-10

Mississippi State at LSU
Baton Rouge…Death Valley…..at Night
Enough Said….
HEY FIGHTN’ TIGERS 28-17

Northern Illinois at Arkansas
This one will closer than you might think….
But the Hogs are running, running, running
RAZORBACKS 34-31

Utah State at Arkansas State
I am a Believer….
RED WOLVES 28-24

Miami (OH) at Cincinnati
This is rivalry in the Buckeye State is played for the “Victory Bell”
As opposed to the “Glad We Aren’t in the Big Ten Bell”
BEARKATS 33-24

Northwestern State at Louisiana Tech
This “pick” may very well be the halftime score, I’m serious…
BULLDOGS 41-10

Idaho at Ohio
The Bobcats aren’t as tough as they have been the past few years…
But they will still mash the famous potatoes
FRANK’S CATS 28-24

Oklahoma at West Virginia
This is a Public Service Announcement
There will NOT be any couches burned in Morgantown on Saturday night….
Sorry….
BOOMER SOONERS 44-21

Arkansas-Monticello at Northwestern Oklahoma State
I know many of you consider this to be an “upset” pick…
So I will keep this one simple
“I know Bo and Bo Knows Weevils”
BO WEEVILS 31-28

South Carolina at Vanderbilt
This one is going to be over before the first quarter….
Believe it..
GAMECOCKS 41-10

Georgia Southern at South Alabama
The Statesboro Eagles rebound in Big way this week over the Jaguars
SOUTHERN EAGLES 33-14

Clemson at Florida State
Yes, this is Your “Upset Special” of the Week
DABO’S TIGERS 31-28

New Mexico at New Mexico State
This rivalry in the desert is called “The Rio Grande Rivalry” and it’s played for the highly coveted “Maloof Trophy”, which is named after “Dusty Liberwitz Maloof” the famous singing Jewish Cowboy in the early 1900’s. You may have heard his classic western love song “Let’s get liquored up and make some bad decisions”
(I am a wealth of information aren’t I?)
PISTOL PETE 24-21

Eastern Washington at Montana State
This game will come down to who has the ball last, believe it…
BOBCATS 34-31

Miami (FL) at Nebraska
I know my Cornhusker faithful are worried about this game
Don’t be…..
It won’t even be close
CHILDREN OF THE CORN 31-17

California at Arizona
My Black Lab “Doc” is looking over my shoulder as I write this one…
I asked him what he thought about this particular game
He turned around and licked his butt
My sentiments exactly Doc
DA BEARS 7-6

Oregon at Washington State
The Cougars have the same chance of winning this game….
As a Clinton does of telling the truth
QUACKERS 55-10

San Diego State at Oregon State
Choosing between a mascot representing an ancient culture that performed ritual sacrifice and a beaver let me say that there is no choice; I am all about the beaver here.
(Please remove your minds from the gutter; I am talking about the mammal)
BEAVERS 33-21

Louisiana-Lafayette at Boise State
The Cajuns are a long way from Crawfish Country in this matchup….
BRONCOS 38-24

Next Week….

Your Week 5 College Football Picks will be out next Thursday along with a little something else to get you all ready for Game Day

One More Thing…

You have another story today on Mikerights.com in the ongoing series “High Crimes and Good Times”; I hope you will enjoy it…

The story involves a little known fact about yours truly…

I was a Doctor once…..for a Week

Enjoy….

RTR

THE CFB WIZARD

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2 Responses to College Football Picks Week 4

  1. BamaPrincess on September 18, 2014 at 11:31 am

    LOVE LOVE LOVE!!! Especially: Sea Monkeys. Oh how I wanted to order those from the Archie comics and my mom would not let me!! 🙁

    CFB Wizard is another reason I LOVE the end of summer!

  2. BamaFanCajunSpouse on September 19, 2014 at 9:39 am

    HUGE fan! Directed here by Ms. BamaPrincess above and her sister. I need to stop reading these while at work. I’m going to get fired for the bursts of laughter arising from my cubical. There really shouldn’t be anything funny about tracking equipment shipments. Keep it up, I LOVE your humor! RTR!

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