Ladies and Gentlemen –
I am glad you survived last weekend to make it back for another installment of the Picks
Some of you had me worried….
It was a Saturday filled with upsets, turmoil, and digestive problems
In case you were wondering I was referring to the actual football games…..
Not your neighbor Phil’s Six Bean and Cheese Dip “surprise”
Although I am “surprised” some of you aren’t reading the picks from the toilet this week after eating that atrocious concoction.
I’m not judging you; I’m just saying you knew better.
Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator didn’t fair much better although I didn’t end up having to use the bathmat for toilet paper like some of you….
(Honestly, I’m not judging you…)
I finished Week “Not So Lucky” 7 at 41 and 13 or 76%
That leaves the CFB Wizard at 398 and 81 or 83% for the season.
And in case you were wondering….
My Black Lab “Doc” and my German Sheppard “Sadie” went 2 and 8 on their dog picks
They are currently pouting on the couch and are refusing any treats until Georgia wins….
Enjoy your games….
COLLEGE FOOTBALL NEWS
KENTUCKY: I have a real problem with the Wildcats……
“NO” it’s not the fact they don’t allow their Marching Band to play throughout the game
(Although that is ridiculous, stupid and idiotic…Have you lost your football tradition?)
“NO” it doesn’t having anything to do with the horribly annoying Miley Mo Ho music they play between each and every play instead of allowing their own Marching Band to play.
(It’s a College Football Game, NOT an ecstasy induced Rave…..Get it straight people)
And it’s NOT because instead of showing their cheerleaders in their “classic” blue and white UK uniforms leading the crowd in cheers on the Jumbo-tron
They decide to show a group of “young” women in the end zone dressed like hookers humping each other like dogs in a pound to some ear splitting Miley Mo Ho “Pump the Jam” rave music….
(I am still speechless……)
And before you ask it doesn’t have anything to do with the blond Bimbo with a microphone who during each and every television timeout in the first half introduced some “group” or another as…“The First UK Special Education Graduates from 1973…” or “The UK Molly Ringwald Fan Club from 1987….”
(Although that was horribly annoying, it pales in comparison to the constant rave music and the gyrating teenage Ho’s in the end zone…)
What I am upset about is Steve Meilinger…..
Ever heard of him?
You may not have and clearly Kentucky Wildcat fans haven’t either….
Although they should know him
This past year he was inducted into the College Football Hall of Fame….
I won’t talk about how upset I am that it took the College Football Hall of Fame this damn long to recognize one of the greatest players to ever play the game.
I won’t mention how mad I am that “Wildcat Fans” don’t even know who he is or what he had accomplished wearing the Blue and White Kentucky football jersey….
But what I am mad about……
No, that’s not right
I’m angry
I’m angry that the University of Kentucky “didn’t introduce Steve Meilinger during halftime with the Wildcat Marching Band and present him his plaque and make a big deal out of his induction into the College Football Hall of Fame because it is a BIG deal.
Instead they opted for a television timeout and the blond bimbo that had just introduced the “The UK Booster Club from Boone County Kentucky….” Then they introduced Steve Meilinger for an entire sixty seconds…
The University of Kentucky acted like the Wildcats have someone inducted into the College Football Hall of Fame every week, which is almost as ludicrous as the rave music they play at football games.
I’m sure Steve Meilinger didn’t mind
But I mind…..
Let me take a minute of your time to tell you about this fine man and incredible player
Steve Meilinger was a two-time first-team All-American who played on both sides of the ball and was known as “Mr. Anywhere,”
Meilinger played at Kentucky from 1951-53 under Coach Paul “Bear” Bryant and helped the Wildcats go 20-10-3, including an 8-4 mark in 1951 that was capped by a Cotton Bowl win over Texas Christian.
The All-American split time at end, halfback and quarterback on offense; on defense, he played end, linebacker and defensive back — essentially every position on the field except the interior offensive and defensive lines. On special teams, he was a two-year starting punter, and he returned punts and returned kickoffs.
Meilinger set Kentucky career records for pass receptions, receiving yardage and touchdowns, with 75 catches for 1,210 yards and 16 touchdowns. He also rushed 134 times for 714 yards and five TDs and passed for 127 yards and a TD.
Meilinger might have garnered more national recognition as an individual player were it not for his noted versatility. The 1953 UK media guide, before his senior season, said, “One national magazine cited the Kentucky star as ‘Offensive Player of the Year.’ He missed some of the major selections apparently due to a lack of a clear majority of nominating ballots at any one position.”
Despite that, Meilinger had nothing but praise for how he was deployed…..
“Coach Bryant was one of the finest persons I ever met,” Meilinger said. “He helped me in many ways and helped me understand the importance of all the positions I played.
“When I came to Kentucky, he also told me that even though I was a hot-shot freshman that he was in charge,” Meilinger joked.
Meilinger was selected in the first round (eighth overall) of the 1954 NFL Draft.
However, he went into the United States Army and spent two years as a tank commander in the 100th Tank Battalion of the 1st Armored Division.
After his service, Meilinger spent six years in the NFL — 1956 and ’57 with the Washington Redskins, 1958-60 for the Green Bay Packers and 1961 with the Pittsburgh Steelers — before injuries ended his career.
In 1960, he played in the NFL Championship Game under Coach Vince Lombardi. His NFL career statistics include 60 catches for 863 yards and eight touchdowns.
Meilinger’s jersey has been retired by UK, and he was named a Living Legend of the SEC in 1999.
After football, Meilinger returned to Kentucky and worked for the U.S. Marshals Service. For a time in the 1970s, he did color commentary on the UK football radio network.
Originally from Bethlehem, Pa., Meilinger, 82, lives in Lexington with his wife, Eileen.
Meilinger will be inducted into the Hall of Fame on Dec. 10 in New York City during the National Football Foundation Annual Awards Dinner.
EDITORS NOTE: Now you know why I’m angry…..
TEXAS: I never should have doubted the Mighty Longhorns
But in an effort to “right” a “wrong” immediately after the Red River Rivalry game I went to my Longhorn shrine here at the RTR Farm and said twelve “Hail” Coach Darrell Royal’s and followed that up by eating four Earl Campbell Hot Links….
Those things are delicious….
UTAH: Do you know how many Utes it takes to chop down a stupid Cardinal “Tree” mascot?
You guessed it…..
Two Utes….
Congratulations on a great win….
ESPN: From the “How the Hell did this Idiot get a Job” File….
ESPN “analyst” Todd McShay said during the “live” telecast of the Alabama – Kentucky game that Crimson Tide Quarterback A. J. McCarron “is a third tier quarterback”….And “wouldn’t make a good professional quarterback…”
Todd McShay made these statements as A.J. McCarron was driving the Number One Crimson Tide on a 90 yard drive for a touchdown.
I have but one comment here, well actually a question….
How in the Hell do idiots like this get jobs and why is anyone (I do mean ANYONE) listening to them?
ESPN PART II: Last Saturday on College Game Day……
Someone thought it would be a “good idea” to have former “coach” (And I use that term loosely) Lane Kiffin on the program as a commentator for his “keen” (And by “keen” I actually mean “stupid”) insight into the college football games scheduled for the day.
Let me say this…..
IF ESPN is going to have the Parade of Idiots with Todd Mc-Dumbass and Lane “I haven’t seen the ball since kickoff” Kiffin on the program why not have a guest commentator like “Yours Truly” that at least knows what the hell he is talking about.
I’m just saying…
PENN STATE: Great win Lions……
Joe Pa would be proud
COLLEGE FOOTBALL WORD OF THE WEEK:
The College Football Word of the Week this week is…..
Snollygoster :\SNOL-ee-gos-ter\ , noun: Slang. a clever, unscrupulous person.
Used in a sentence it would sound like this…..
“Lane Kiffin is a dirty stinking snollygoster”
COLLEGE GAME DAY ATTIRE “DO’S and DON’TS
As was detailed in last week’s edition there are define “Do’s and Don’ts” associated with your college game day attire.
In the case of the below picture….
If it is your desire to wear some distorted color combination that would make Stevie Wonder’s eyes hurt, then that is your purgative, even in the case of this Tennessee fan who opted to enforce the stereotype that mountain people are stupid by wearing such a hideous color combination with overalls.
However…..
Please refrain from bringing a midget with “crunk” teeth in circus attire to the game with you, that’s just creepy
THE GAMES
Tuesday October 15
Louisiana Lafayette at Western Kentucky
I’m not joking with you….
I feel pretty good about this one
RAJUN CAJUNS 37-20
Thursday October 17
Miami (FL) at North Carolina
Hurricane Season doesn’t “Officially” end until November 1st
I got that from the Weather Channel
HURRICANES 34-14
Friday October 18
Central Florida at Louisville
This one will be shoot-out…..
However unlike any other Friday night in Louisville….
This one will not take place at a liquor store
STRONGER CARDINALS 34-28
Saturday October 19
Arkansas at Alabama
My Dear Razorback Faithful….
It’s going to get better, but not this Saturday
CRIMSON TIDE 34-14
Marist at Davidson
I don’t know much about Ronnie Davidson….
But that Marist is a Real Fox….
RED FOXES 28-24
Washington State at Oregon
This game will be close for a while……
Then it will be all…
QUACKERS 41-31
Lindenwood Belleville at Arkansas Monticello
I though Belleville was where the “Crazy Farm” was located….
Don’t worry….
“Bo Knows Crazy”
BO WEEVILS 34-17
Florida State at Clemson
Make no mistake about it….
This is “THE” Game of the Week
Howards Rock…
Death Valley….
This one game could be for all the marbles and a shot at the National Championship
DABO’S TIGERS 34-28
Juniata at Ursinus
Don’t get me wrong…..
J-LO has been tough all year since she put her fighting weight back on…
But this is the Cold and Flu season and I have had too much coffee this morning…
PEE and SNEEZE 24-21
UCLA at Stanford
This game in the PAC 12 is one of the Biggest Games of the Year…..
That’s why it will be telecast on the Disney Chanel at ten o’clock eastern standard time.
BIRD TREE 31-28
Appalachian State at Furman
I feel that I have a deep connection with the Mountaineers of Appalachian State…
Because I am also an Appalachian-American
MOUNTAINEERS 31-17
LSU at Ole Miss
Many of you are wondering what’s the difference between these two teams..
I will gladly answer that for you….
Ole Miss are called “the Rebels” but have a student in a foam rubber black bear costume..
LSU is called the “Tigers” and they have a real “Live” Bengal Tiger named “Mike” that will eat your ass alive if given half a chance.
There you go….
FIGHTN’ TIGERS 34-17
Texas A&M Kingsville at North Alabama
Coach Bobby Wallace has the Lions ready for a run…..
Don’t slip….
FLORENCE LIONS 41-31
Georgia at Vanderbilt
My Black Lab “Doc” insisted on this pick…..
And then he promptly insisted on a treat
DAWGS 31-24
Tarleton State at Delta State
There are few places on planet earth more beautiful than Cleveland Mississippi this time of the year, but if you decide to visit let me share three important words with you.
“Fear the Okra!”
FIGHTING OKRA 34-31
Auburn at Texas A&M
I want to just to clarify a point for the students of these two fine agricultural schools…..
The Term “Animal Husbandry” does not refer to a male student getting dressed in a tuxedo and going to the dairy or sheep barn for “a little fun”
I know that is a disappointment to many of you, but it needed to be said
GIG EM AGGIES 38-21
Chattanooga at Elon
The “Home” of the Moon Pie is Chattanooga Tennessee…
That’s about as Southern as it gets
MIGHTY MOCS
Texas Christian at Oklahoma State
I am afraid the Horned Frogs will leap up short on this one..
COWBOYS UP! 31-17
South Carolina at Tennessee
The Volunteers of Tennessee have proved they can score….
(By that statement I am not referring to meeting your “cousin” twice removed in the hay loft for a game of “Smell My Hands”)
However they will come up short against Carolina
GAMECOCKS 34-17
Grambling State at Jackson State
Two Great Colleges
Two Great College Football Traditions…..
Coach Robinson…
Walter Payton…
WALTER’S TIGERS 28-24
Oklahoma at Kansas
The Jayhawks record is perfect in the Big 12 so far this season…..
Congratulations….
BOOMER SOONERS 51-10
Washington at Arizona State
This one is for the Great Washington Coach Don James who is undergoing chemotherapy
God Bless You Coach…
HUSKIES 34-31
Minnesota at Northwestern
As you might imagine……
Another of the Big Ten (Or Whatever…) Rivalry Games
This one is played for the coveted “Rose Bowl Shadow Puppet”
(Basically it’s a big nothing because the only way either of these two teams will make it to the Rose Bowl is by buying tickets)
WILDCATS 34-14
Iowa State at Baylor
If you happened to be a fan of championship defenses…..
Then turn the channel on this one…
DA BEARS 51-31
Florida at Missouri
MO has the undivided attention of the Gators……
Be careful what you wish for…..
MIGHTY GATORS 28-17
Texas Tech at West Virginia
The smell of alcohol soaked smoldering couches on Saturday Night in Morgantown…
Smells like…
“Victory”
Light Em if you Got Em…
MOUNTAINEERS 31-28
Kent State at South Alabama
I was leaning towards Kent State in this one….
That was before some ninety year old woman flashed me in Wal-Mart….
I just can’t in good conscience go with the “Golden Flashes” after that incident
(And “NO” I don’t want to talk about it…)
JAGUARS 28-24
Utah at Arizona
Question……
How many Utes would it take to count the hair plugs in Wildcat Coach Rich Rod’s head?
TWO UTES 31-24
Montana State at Weber State
I know the Boy’s at Weber College make some fine Smokers and Grills…..
But the Big Bad Bobcats of Montana State are roiling into town…
This may get uglier than a game of naked twister at Hillary Clinton’s house
BOBCATS 41-17
Bye Week at Kentucky
The Wildcats are beaten up after the “game” with the Mighty Crimson Tide….
This one may not be too close…
BYE 31-10
Oregon State at California
Much like Ward Clever…..
I am all about the Mighty Beavers
(I changed that twice so it wouldn’t sound nasty, so stop giggling)
BEAVERS 38-17
Moravian at Susquehanna
I honestly don’t know…..
Is a “Moravian” a citizen of Moronica or just the Latin term for “Moron”
It’s a mystery…
SUSIE Q 31-17
Syracuse at Georgia Tech
The Tech Engineering School…….
Better “Engineer” themselves a win here or their season is headed to the toilet.
YELLOW JACKETS 28-24
Purdue at Michigan State
Yes! Another Big Ten (or Twelve Whatever…) Rivalry Game!
This one is played for the always coveted “Purdue Sphincter Cannon”
It’s somehow appropriate since the Boilermakers have blown it out their butt all year
GO TELL THE SPARTANS 41-10
Southern Miss at East Carolina
My Poor Golden Eagles……
Damn It
GRRRRRRRRR PIRATES 31-10
Maryland at Wake Forest
This game is huge for these two teams…..
It’s been reported that the winner of the game “may” have the inside track to the Purina Monkey Chow Bowl in Norcross Georgia.
MULTI-COLORED RETINA MELTING TURTLES 21-10
St Olaf at Augsburg
There are few things more entertaining when two predominantly German Colleges get together for a sporting event such as a college football game.
There will always be plenty of cold beer available…..
They will be loud and boisterous
There will be colorful banners and flags declaring their allegiance for their schools
Immediately following the game the two rival schools will shake hands and invade Indiana and possibly Rhode Island.
ST OLLIE 24-21
Akron at Miami (OH)
I wished I cared, But I really don’t….
ZIPPERS 21-17
Army at Temple
I can’t believe I am actually picking Army to win a football game…..
Wait, it’s “temple”, never mind….
BLACK KNIGHTS OF THE HUDSON 28-14
Old Dominion at Pittsburgh
The Old Dominion is playing more like an Old Domino’s Pizza….
PANTHERS 33-10
Brigham Young at Houston
I am going upset on this one……
Call me crazy if you want too…..
It’s nothing I haven’t heard from Mental Health Professionals
COUGARS 41-34
Duke at Virginia
I haven’t gotten a single game right picking Virginia all year….
Maybe this one breaks the curse…
Or Maybe not
CAVALIERS 28-21
Connecticut at Cincinnati
My Black Lab “Doc” and My German Sheppard “Sadie” are in agreement…
The “huskies” of Connecticut are playing more like Chihuahua’s ….
(They don’t like ankle bitter dogs….)
BEARKATS 31-10
Valdosta State at West Georgia
I have on good authority that the Wolves scrimmaged themselves this past week….
And Lost….
BLAZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ 41-10
Ohio at Eastern Michigan
I still have faith in Frank’s Bobcats…..
This one will come down to who has the ball last
FRANK’S CATS 31-28
Ball State at Western Michigan
The Cardinals are for real this year……
Nobody is talking about them, but they will be
CARDINALS 41-21
Colorado State at Wyoming
I am pulling for Coach Jim, but I think the Rams will come up just a little short….
COWBOYS 31-28
Northern Illinois at Central Michigan
My Black Lab “Doc” gave me the head nod for the Huskies in this one….
Neither he nor I know what the Hell a “Chippewa’s” actually is….
(Doc thinks it’s another of that ankle bitter breed…)
HUSKIES 41-31
Iowa at Ohio State
O’ Yeah this one will be close…….
Not…..
BUCKEYES 41-17
Indiana at Michigan
Another of the Big Ten (or Sixteen something or another) rivalries this weekend
This one has been played since 1901 for “Paul Bunyan’s Underwear”
Before you ask…..
I don’t know if it’s boxers or briefs…..
But I do know that it would make either a handy cover for your RV or a thong for Rosie O’Donnell
WOLVERINES 31-28
Southern Methodist at Memphis
Come On Ponies, Just this one time…Please!
MIGHTY MUSTANGS 38-17
Harding at Ouachita Baptist
As many Baptist Colleges as Harding has played this year you would think he would be converted by now.
Dang that boy is hard headed
GOTCHA BAPTIST 31-17
Georgia State at Texas State
Stephen F. Austin’s Birthday is right around the corner…..
He is “The Father of Texas” after all….
This one is easy
TEXAS CATS 34-17
Navy at Toledo
I’m afraid my Midshipmen have hoisted anchor on this season…..
Damn it….
RICKEY ROCKET 31-28
Southern California at Notre Dame
This “rivalry” is played for the “Jeweled Shillelagh”
As opposed to the “Slightly Infected Shillelagh” or the “Bedazzled Shillelagh”
I just wanted to make that clear for you all….
You’re Welcome
FIGIGHTNING IRSISIH 31-17
Wisconsin at Illinois
You guessed it……
Another of the Big Ten (or Eleven something) Games of “Rivalry” this Weekend
This particular game has been (according to the Illinois Media Guide)….
Played each year since 1899 and it’s played for the “Cheesy Sock Monkey “
(Before you ask..”Yes” it’s as disgusting as it sounds)
THE POWER OF CHEESE 34-17
Nevada at Boise State
They say this game is an actual rivalry game…..
It’s been played each year since 1971
By “rivalry” what they mean to say is….
Boise State generally kicks Nevada’s ass…
BRONCOS 31-28
Tusculum at Carson Newman
I cannot in good conscience pull for any team that you cannot pronounce without hacking up a lung..
It’s a prognosticators “rule”.
SPARKS EAGLES 41-28
Rice at New Mexico State
I am so glad this game is on the schedule…..
I’m making a big pot of jambalaya for Saturday and I forgot the rice….
PUDDING POPS 28-17
Utah State at New Mexico
Honestly…..
I will be far too exhausted after watching the Florida State – Clemson to care about this…
Sorry
AGGIES 31-21
UNLV at Fresno State
My Black Lab “Doc” agrees with me……
This weekend has gone to the Dogs
BULLDOGS 41-10
Enjoy your games….
RTR
THE CFB WIZARD