The 2013 College Football Pre-Season Extravaganza

July 30, 2013

Ladies and Gentlemen –

Your long wait is finally over……..

It’s almost time for the kickoff of the 2013 College Football Season

Buckle in folks, it’s going to be a bumpy ride


This year’s CFB Wizard Pre-Season College Football Extravaganza will be done differently than in years past and you will even see some differences in this year’s weekly picks as well.

Don’t be concerned about the overall content……

It will still be Politically Incorrect


Sometimes Painful


Occasionally Offensive

And always the best weekly college football picks anywhere….Period

But for reasons I don’t care to go into here, this may be my last year writing this column.

Before you ask, I want to clear up any unnecessary rumors that may be circulating via the web

My decision or non decision in this matter….

Will not be based on my recent stint in rehab after being “Hooked on Phonics” for a month

And it doesn’t have anything to do with my dating country music superstar Gretchen Wilson

I have included a recent picture taken of us “together” by some pesky paparazzi (See below)


Nor is my decision or non decision based upon my potential lucrative book deal

Although it will make me richer than Ernest Tubb, that doesn’t play into my decision either

(And “No” I don’t think Gretchen Wilson is after my money….at least I don’t think so)

I have been doing the college football weekly picks for a long time now….

When I started this college football site, I followed the KISS principle…

Which of course is “Rock and Roll All Night and Party Every Day”

I now just “Rock and Roll” only on Thursday’s and Friday’s until seven thirty in the evening and I only party on college football Saturdays up until the halftime of the ESPN Night game, and on the occasional Thursday evening until nine o’clock depending on who is playing college football that night on ESPN.

We will discuss this decision of mine more at a later time, so don’t worry….

That being said, let’s ride along together for the 2013 College Football Season

And if it’s anything like year’s past

I will need a designated driver


As I am sure you know by now, I have been approached by some of the finest intellects in the world due to my power of college football prognostication; sadly however my powers of prognostication are limited to college football, the “the eleven herbs and spices” that make up the “secret recipe” of Kentucky Fried Chicken and what those little green things are in Fruit Cake.

(You don’t WANT to know what those things are made of, believe me….)

But I don’t want any of the CFB Wizard readers to be concerned about my obvious “Super Powers”

As you know by now…..

I only use my powers for “Good”……

(You’re Welcome)

So I present to you the CFB Wizard 2013 College Football Pre-Season Prognostications….

Sometime (early) this season ESPN commentator and one time Coach Lou Holtz while doing perhaps the best Sylvester the Cat impression ever seen on television will unleash a torrent of saliva while defending the hallowed halls of Notre Dame causing a tsunami of spit that ultimately will cause an electrical blackout of most of the eastern seaboard.

One time Florida Gator Quarterback and current ESPN College football “commentator” Jesse Palmer will repeatedly and with reckless abandon continue to mispronounce even the simplest of player’s names this season. Noted examples will be such hard to pronounce names as “Jones” or the often difficult pronunciation of “Smith”……

No one (and I do mean nobody….) will care what happens in the Ivy League (Cue the Crickets…)

ESPN’s College Football Game Day is STILL the best College Football Pre-Game Show…..Period.

And I would be remiss if I didn’t add; This season like so many others, most if not all of us will stop whatever we are doing for fifteen minutes just to see the college football picks at the end of the ESPN Game Day segment and to watch which headgear Coach Lee Corso will pick for that telecasted game.

And Might I add…..
We are all glad you are back Coach Corso; College Football Saturday’s wouldn’t be the same without you

This season the Department of Justice and the “reverend” Jesse Jackson along with the “reverend” Al Sharpton will file a class action lawsuit against CBS Sports, ESPN and ABC Sports for the removal of the term “color commentator” as they deem that term to be racist, especially since ABC College Football Commentator Bob Griese described himself recently as a “Mexican trapped in a Black Man’s Body with a Bad White Man’s toupee”

EDITORS NOTE: You have to forgive poor Bob….

You do know that he is crazy as a Texas Road Lizard, right?

This season the Kansas Jayhawks will continue to suck more than a new vacuum cleaner

Southern California Trojan “coach” Lame Kitten will reluctantly take responsibility for last year’s lackluster season by admitting that last season he inadvertently played his motivational CD “Ten Rules to Success by Tony Robbins” backwards thus causing the Trojans who were preseason Number One last year (as you might remember) to underachieve and take a pasting at the end of the season in the Purina Cat Chow Bowl.

Also in unrelated “news” Lame Kitten had his father and “former” Trojan defensive coordinator Monte Kitten who was once a teammate to the great Jim Thorpe and Amos “Alonzo” Stagg committed to a southern California nursing home for “failing to realize what century he is living in and insisting on talking to President Calvin Coolidge before every game”

The University of West Alabama Tigers will be the team to beat in Division III this year…Believe it

But keep your eye on…..
Coach Spark’s Eagles of Carson Newman and the always dangerous Lions of North Alabama

Akron Zip’s Coach Terry Bowden will take a surprising leave of absence during the middle of the college football season this year to have a starring role as the “groundhog” in the remake of “Caddy Shack”

The Lions Club and the American Association of the Blind will award the Oregon Ducks with a “Lifetime Achievement Award” for contributing to the increase in blindness in young adults for their ridiculous neon highlighter butt ugly glow in the dark uniforms.

This year you will no longer have to worry incessantly when you TiVo “The Biggest Loser” and get re-runs of Auburn Tiger or Southern California Trojan Football Games (depending on which coast you live on..) …..instead you will be greeted with home movies of former Tennessee Coach Phil Fulmer putting lotion on his gargantuan stomach with an industrial strength paint roller as he seductively looks in the camera and says “The skin needs the lotion”.

Sometime this season the NCAA (Remember these idiots? They are the ones it took almost 5 DAMN years to MapQuest Reggie Bush’s momma’s house. Yeah, those guys….) will determine that the term “inadmissible benefits” will no longer apply to the Southern California Trojans, The Oregon Ducks, Notre Dame Fighting Irish or anything to do with former Auburn Quarterback Cam Newton.

You can laugh if you want too….
But I would beware playing Coach Bobby Petrino and the Western Kentucky Hilltoppers this season
(I’m talking to you Kentucky and Tennessee…..)

ESPN Big Ten or Sixteen, something or another college football ‘commentator” Beth Mowins will be arrested by Federal law enforcement authorities this year for “serial ear rape” in eight states.

EDITORS NOTE: Beth Mowins has a voice that sounds like house cat being fed into a food processor

At least three times this college football season “Johnny Football” of Texas A&M will say something stupid quickly followed by a University spokesperson saying “What he meant to say was….”

And lastly……

CBS College Football sideline reporter Tracy Wolfson after completing yet another stint in rehab for her addiction to Cammy Cam Juice will resume her duties this season as the nonsensical ridiculous hair flipping bimbo that we have all come to be horribly annoyed with.

And speaking of CBS Sports…..

College Football Announcers Vern Lundquist and Gary Danielson have successfully been joined at the head by doctors from John Hopkins University allowing the co-joined hosts to brag that “We now have two brain cells between the both of us!”


LSU: Tiger Quarterback Zach Mettenberger recently tweeted or tooted for no apparent reason criticism of former Florida Gator quarterback Tim Tebow calling his throwing mechanics “terrible.”


That’s ALL you have to do as the starting quarterback of the LSU Fighting Tigers?

Here is what I have to say about Zach’s attack of Tim Tebow

Tim has TWO National Championships and ONE Heisman Trophy

Enough said….

KANSAS: At the BIG 12 (Lite) Media Days Kansas Jayhawks Coach Charlie Weis called his Jayhawk team “a big pile of crap”

To that I say “Thank you Captain Obvious…..”

ARIZONA: As you might have read or heard the former first lady of Michigan Wolverine Football and current first lady of the Arizona Wildcats Ms Rita Rod has agreed to “star” in the “new” VH1 reality show “Skank-a-Licious” which will also have a camo appearance by a music “star” that I never heard of that has a name that sounds like something you put in the dryer to keep your clothes apart, Bouncy or something.

In unrelated news Rita Rod will also star in the upcoming remake of the Crypt Keeper…

Rita Rod

NEBRASKA: I have always had a great deal of respect for the Cornhusker Nation….
But no more than I have this past Spring Football Game in Lincoln

I don’t have the words to tell you about it….

If you haven’t seen it, I suggest you take the next few minutes to enjoy “Team Jack”

BIG 12 (Lite)Conference: Commissioner Bob Bowlsby at the recent Big 12 media days appeared to have gotten on the CFB Wizard train of thought regarding the NCAA and their mishandling of all things related to college football. In fact he called for (Just like yours truly has for the past several years…) to break away from the NCAA.

Commissioner Bowlsby went as far as to hint at the possibility of a separate division for college football — a long-held idea in college athletic circles — and said that his views were consistent with the other four commissioners of BCS conferences.

“I think we all have a sense that transformative change has to happen,” Bowlsby said.
At a time when the NCAA is under siege from several directions, particularly in terms of leadership and enforcement, it was perhaps the most direct call for action yet from someone in such a position of influence and might later be seen as a pivotal moment in the transition to meaningful change.
“I really do think we need to reconfigure the leadership of the organization,” Bowlsby said of the NCAA. “I don’t think we can at this point in time move forward, and we certainly haven’t been able to configure an agenda that made the changes we need to make.”

Advocating a movement toward “federation” under the NCAA umbrella based on size, scope, “equity brought into the system” and even by sport, Bowlsby stopped short of calling for a breakaway from the governing organization but added, “I don’t see secession as a legitimate point of leverage except as a last resort.”

EDITORS NOTE: Secession is coming……Embrace it


Auburn, Al (AP) – In a surprise move by prosecutors, tree murderer Harvey Updike has been sentenced to 3 months in Jail, 5 years of probation, and fined $1000. In a plea agreement, Mr Updyke pled guilty to “crimes against agriculture”.

The prosecutor in the case, District Attorney Robbie Treese said that the case wasn’t the slam dunk, open shut case that many had anticipated. “We thought we had this guy dead to rights,” said Treese.
“As it turns out, the audio recordings from the Finebaum show mysteriously disappeared. But after Mr Updyke was taken into custody we found DNA evidence of tree bark residue in his underwear. We knew we couldn’t get him for Capital Murder, but we knew we had the crimes against agriculture thing as a backup plan.”

Among the evidence that the District Attorney possessed that had not been released to the general public was a pair of blue Calvin Klein briefs with bark stains plainly visible around the flap. Additionally, over 7 gigs of tree porn were found on Updyke’s computer, to include revealing photos of knot holes at the base of the Toomer’s trees. It is not known whether Mr Updyke will appeal but his Defense Attorney maintained Updyke’s innocence.

SOUTH CAROLINA: When entering the beautiful Palmetto State in Interstate 20……….

They have a warning for visitors……

Welcome to SC

EDITORS NOTE: If you think this is a veiled threat, ask that kid from the University of Michigan he nailed

He is still undergoing therapy for his fear of clowns….

MICHIGAN: Speaking of Michigan

Nobody is talking about the Wolverines…..

But they are quietly recruiting some of the best college football players in the country to Ann Arbor

THE IVY LEAGUE: Seriously, Nobody cares…..

PAC 12 Conference: Recently at the PAC 12 media days the PAC 12 Commissioner “Jo Jo Hoobastank” encouraged “all fans” of the PAC 12 to “boycott” Direct TV satellite services because they won’t broadcast any their games in the 2013 college football season.

A spokesperson for Direct TV issued this statement….

“Who are they again?”

OKLAHOMA: Although Coach Stoops has decried the dominance of the Southeastern Conference in college Football, despite evidence to the contrary, he can always take solace in the fact he has the second best team in the state Oklahoma.

TEXAS: I hate to say this to my beloved Longhorn faithful…..

But if Coach Mac doesn’t get it turned around this year, he has to go……

LOUISVILLE: Charlie Strong’s Cardinal’s will finish the 2013 season undefeated…..

Believe it

WESTERN KENTUCKY: Remember you read it here….

Nobody in the country wants to win more than Coach Bobby P…..

He has a lot to prove…..

TENNESSEE: The Volunteers have proven themselves to be on the “cutting edge” of modern culture

Last year the mighty Volunteers introduced the world to “Butt Chugging”

(This, in case you didn’t know, involves ingesting alcohol through your buttocks with a tube)

This year they have taken their “progressive” stance to a whole new level

The University of Tennessee has hired the first lesbian head football Coach in “Butch” Jones


EDITORS NOTE: Damn that is one ugly woman…..

And lastly “congratulations” to the Volunteers of Tennessee for coming in last in the Southeastern Conference for graduation rates of their student-athletes.

The University of Tennessee President Dr. Joe DiPietro had this statement regarding their rating
“If you look at the rating regarding the graduation rate our student athletes from the perspective of a dyslexic person, then we are Number One! I want to congratulate all our student athletes, coaches and mentors who made this honor possible”

INDIANA: This season the “Hoosiers” will unveil “new” uniforms……

EDITORS NOTE: Yeah that’s not going to help them….

NCAA: I have written in times past about the corruption, dishonesty and ineptitude of the all “volunteer” organization known as the NCAA.

Many of you have rolled your eyes on numerous occasions and told me to “just let it go….”

Today we have a lawsuit by current and former college football players (as I told you it would happen….) against the NCAA and EA Sports over the players likeness in the hosts of video games they produce.

As you might have guessed the “players” themselves don’t receive any monetary gain from their likeness used in the game, or their statistics that are used in the composite make-up of the game itself.

The NCAA is fighting this lawsuit….

As you might imagine….

After all the NCAA can’t (and won’t) report to the Congress of the United States “exactly” how much money they actually make off college football.

And In case you were wondering (and I know you are…) we are talking billions and billions of dollars….

But if that heavy hand isn’t enough, you may have missed this bit of news.

Have you ever heard of Kolton Houston?

He is from Georgia; in fact he is attending the University of Georgia and hopes to play for the Bulldogs

He has waited a long time to play for the Bulldogs

Three and a half years to be exact….

That’s how long he had to wait according to the NCAA

The NCAA ruled this young man ineligible three and half years ago because a doctor injected him in high school with a steroid when he was battling an illness.

Yep that’s it

He didn’t rob anybody

He didn’t cheat or fake a test

He admitted to taking the injections and his doctor even explained the procedure to the NCAA, which by the way is a routine medical procedure and treatment for such an illness.

It didn’t matter

Kolton Houston had to pay the penalty

You still don’t think the NCAA is out of control?

Remember this truth that you can take with you wherever you go

“Absolute power corrupts absolutely”


Q: Dear Mr. Wizard

As the current Head of the Joint Chiefs of Staff and Graduate of West Point I take exception to your insensitive and caustic remarks in past seasons regarding the West Point football team.

What you have clearly failed to realize is that the job of the Military Academy at West Point is to train “leaders”, not to win this or that on some stupid cow field.

In fact the “new” military leaders of today that WE are instructing are taught to care less about winning and losing and concentrate more on the aesthetics of the “idea” of success which as we all know is brought about by diversity.

West Point is leading the nation in diversity and that example will be played out on the athletic fields this season beginning with our football team for the world to admire and take notice.

You may think that a person six feet two inches tall weighting two hundred and fifty pounds with a great deal of athleticism would make an excellent linebacker. That is archaic thinking sir.

What of the feelings and emotions of the physics major who received a medical wavier to attend West Point due to low blood sugar and with allergies to cats and grass? Shouldn’t he OR She have the opportunity to play linebacker for the West Point football team?

It’s not about ability, it’s about respect, diversity and equality.

That is exactly what will take place this 2013 College Football Season at West Point

Our “nontraditional diversity student athletes” at West Point will represent us well on the gridiron.

Some examples of this “winning” team of diversity will be….

The starting Quarterback…..

This year the quarterback will be nontraditional diversity student athlete Cadet Debra “Bobby” Dung

She-He is a transgendered, trans-homosexual transpacific Korean- American who is nearly five feet tall and is also the starting center on the West Point Basketball team for both the men’s and the women’s teams.

The kicker this year for West Point is Cadet Thomas C. Daily who although born without legs and arms was given a waiver to enter West Point so he wouldn’t have to perform any physical fitness tests, will show the world that “determination” and “giving it a try” is more important than getting the ball through the goal post.

Or as I said recently in a speech prepared by my speech writer to the West Point Football Team “Making a field goal is only worth three points, but “trying” to make it is worth “a lifetime of memories”

And as a “bonus” ALL of our nontraditional diversity student athletes WILL wear their reflective PT belt over their uniforms to prevent them from being struck by any vehicles on the football field.

As I continue in my post to erode the current standards for War Fighters (Gosh I hate that word…) I hope there will come a day when people like Cadet Daily can become a Ranger.

On that day we will truly be a free nation…..

So it isn’t about winning and losing….

When diversity flourishes, the scoreboard of life will prove that we are all winners

Thank you for your service

General Martin E. Dempsey
Chair(person) of the Joint Chiefs of Staff
Washington D.C.

A: And I thought the Reverend Jim Jones had some strong Cool Aide….

Dude you are drinking liquid heroin….

Q: Dear Sir

Your constant and consistent disparaging remarks concerning “all things” associated with the Ivy League are incorrect and misleading. Other than being a world renowned university, there are a number of great things here at Harvard, in fact there are too many to list in such a short and abbreviated space.

Of course I am sure for a southerner this may be too difficult a concept to grasp.

Dr. August R. Douglas PhD
Harvard University, Cambridge Massachusetts

A: You are right Doctor….

There is one good thing that comes out of Harvard….

I-95 SOUTH…….

Q: Dear Doctor Wizard

This is an unusual request but I really need your help!

I recently got my first prescription for a pregnancy patch and I have read the instructions over and over and it doesn’t say ANYWHERE on the box or on the instructions which eye the patch goes on.

Can you help me please?

Diana – Terre Haute, Indiana

A: I will be glad to help Diana….

The pregnancy patch goes over your left eye….

Because nobody wants to do anything naughty-naughty with an ugly pirate

(You’re Welcome)

Q: Sir,

I am THE Head Football Coach of THE Ohio State University.

I have come under fire for THE misdeeds of others while under my tutelage at THIS fine institution of higher learning. Look, I can’t help it if THE kids I choose to recruit turn into miscreants after getting to Columbus.

I had the same problem at the previous institution that I was employed.
I can’t be everywhere all the time. I mean, who can?
It’s like this. I have a checklist that I go over.
Number 1 question: Can THE kid play football?
Number 2: Can THE kid get past the onerous SAT and admission requirements?
Number 3: Has THE kid served jail time for any felonious activity?

If THE answer is “no” to THE above criteria then THE kid deserves a chance to contribute to our pursuit of being THE finest football team in THE Big 10.. or 11.. or… Anywho THE actual number is not important as long as our number is one.

I mean, look at Bobby Bowden. He believed in giving kids second chances..

Look at all those SEC teams. Yes, I coached at a team from down south, but, c’mon, Aaron Hernandez didn’t kill anybody until AFTER he graduated.

I mean, we’re THE crown jewel of college football and I know that nobody wants to see us on probation.

So could you tell THE media to tone it down and just give me the mandatory adulation I deserve?

Urban Myers
THE Ohio State University

A: That is some mighty stiff criteria you have drawn up there coach…..

I guess that rules out you recruiting in Cleveland, Cincinnati and Youngstown



Q: Dear Sir,
I’m about as stirred up and mad as a hornet today.
You know what happened to me?
I got fired from my dang job that’s what!!!
I didn’t know that somebody you worked for could go snoopin round an look at the stuff you was lookin at on the interwebs.
But guess what? They can.

See I work up here in Sakerlina at this place over in Seneca. Well, you know whos over about 10 miles east of us dontcha? Yea, them dang Orange wearin’ fools with a kitty cat paw on there helmets.
So what happened was I was lookin at some stuff on the interwebs at lunch time and they said it was porn.

I said aint no way but they got rid of me. The only thing I did was look at this place called Cocky Talk dot com and GameCock Girl dot com and they FIRED ME!!

I said that aint right and they just didn’t like it cause I was always wearin something with Sakerlina on it and sayin stuff like 4 in a row, you’re teams gonna blow to them Tiger folks.

So tell me Mr Wizard, can I get me a lawyer and sue them folks or something?

Waitin on an answer Mr Wizard
Lester M Butts

A: Honestly Lester, before you get a lawyer you should really get spell check.

Q: Dear Chauvinist Pig

After reading your last “post” and I use that term loosely, I haven’t seen such crap since I emptied my cats litter box. I have come to the conclusion that you are the biggest homophobic, racist and chauvinist pig found on the web today writing under the guise of “college football”.

As a devout Feminist and a member of the HUMAN race I am offended beyond words by your so called “humor” at the expense of others and your obvious hatred for woman kind is egregious!

If you had your way all woman kind would be enslaved!

I don’t know how you sleep at night

Shanna Delong –Williams – Rodriguez, San Diego, California

A: You are incorrect Shanna; I have nothing but the utmost respect and admiration for women.

As to your statement about me enslaving women…….

In fact I have liberated two women myself during my lifetime and I still remember their names…


Q: Hey Mister Football Wizard!

Me and the guys I work with are having a debate and we need your help

Is it possible to sneeze, and break wind at the same time?

Also will the Kentucky Wildcats win the SEC East this year?
George – Russell Springs, Kentucky

A: One thing at a time George……….

As to your first question, George you need to be aware if those two bodily functions take place simultaneously your gallbladder will shoot out of your rectum.

And as to your second question the Wildcats will win the SEC East when your gallbladder shoots out of your butt, a snow storm blows into Miami on Labor Day and the Federal Government starts to make sense.

Q: Hi! My Name is Timmy, I am six years old and I live in Opelika Alabama.

I live with my mommy and my daddy and I have a baby sister her name is Tiffany.

I have a cat and a gold fish too!

I have a question for you please!

My momma and daddy says I have to be an auburn fan is that true?

But I don’t want too, I want to be an Alabama fan!

I would believe them but I think they lied to me about Santa Claus

Thank you

Roll Tide

Timmy – Opelika, Alabama

A: Timmy, read this carefully and follow my instructions.

The first thing you need to do is to call Child Services or 911 in Tuscaloosa, because forcing an impressionable child to be an auburn fan is cruel and unusual punishment, this clearly constitutes child abuse. Very nice Alabama Fans will come and rescue you and your sister and your pets from your mean old momma and daddy’s single wide trailer and take you to a nice home without wheels near Tuscaloosa.

Also Timmy, you need to know there IS a Santa Claus and he IS an Alabama Crimson Tide Fan

Roll Tide



There isn’t a better college football pre-game program than ESPN’s College Football Game Day

Retired Commentator and Play by Play announcer Keith Jackson is still the voice of college football


Tailgating at LSU, Tuscaloosa or Austin is a “How to” for tailgaters and college football fans anywhere.

The excitement and nerves the college football fan has on Monday morning knowing that the following Saturday is the day of the “big” game and might I add, tailgating at “home” starts on Tuesday night.

Southern women on college football game day, there isn’t anything like them all dressed up and ready to cheer and raise nine kinds of hell for “their” team while being dressed to the nines.

God Bless them….


The inability and total disregard of the networks to showcase the college marching bands at halftime is a travesty of justice and is a slap in the face of the pageantry and tradition of college football.

Instead of the college marching bands we get to see six or ten talking heads setting around telling us what we already know about the game we are watching. We will hear such pearls of wisdom as…

“They need to score more points if they expect to win”

“This game is closer than it should be”

“Seriously, Indiana sucks”

EDITORS NOTE: O.k. they won’t say the last one but I was thinking it….

These knuckleheads aren’t “experts” on college football they are simply “masters of the obvious”

That’s it

So show the college marching bands at halftime and run the scores at the bottom of the screen

Problem solved


We will be subjected this season with overly made up mindless bimbos in the college football studios and on the sidelines delivering such sterling and noteworthy quotable lines such as…

“O’ My GOD, this wind is seriously like messing my hair!”

“Is my lip gloss on straight?”

“I think, like that one player got hurt by that South Carolina Clown Man”


Displaying ANY other scores besides college football scores on college football Saturday’s is ridiculous

We don’t care about anything to do with tennis; if we did we would be WATCHING it….

Same goes for any news or scores on the World Cup of whatever, Major League Baseball etc.


And please, please do not write to me and complain that “soccer is a real sport”

No it isn’t

If it was a REAL sport then Frenchmen wouldn’t be able to play it

Enough said

And lastly……

The ugliest thing on television during college football Saturdays (other than Beth Mowins…..)

Is the constant rehashing of plays by commentators…..

They will break a play down, frame by frame by frame and essentially dictate the course of the game from the commentator’s booth as opposed to “just calling the game” as it was once done.

We have come a long way from the Great Keith Jackson calling a college football game….

And it’s gotten downright ugly if you ask me…..

More later in Part II of the College Football Pre-Season Extravaganza Next Week

So stay tuned



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One Response to The 2013 College Football Pre-Season Extravaganza

  1. Christy on August 28, 2013 at 10:46 pm

    I’m so glad you’re back I could cry. Here is what you should know: 1) I am SO happy you aren’t politically correct.
    2) That KISS/Rock and Roll All Night bit CRACKED me up.
    3) I will hate it if you stop.
    4) Really? You want to just rip out my heart with Team Jack? God bless him!
    5) Roll Tide Roll and Praise Jesus that it’s football season again!!!

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