Misunderstood Manti

January 22, 2013

Ladies and Gentlemen –

I have temporarily suspended my Celebration of the University of Alabama Crimson Tide’s 15th National Championship to come to the defense of one of the finest young men in the history of college football.

The past week the national sports and even some popular college football bloggers have gone to great lengths to destroy the reputation and credibility of Notre Dame’s most decorated college football player of all time; Manti Te’o.

I haven’t been immune to this matter concerning this young man’s “girlfriend” either

I have read a number of articles as well as received a number of emails on this subject….

Such as I read recently….

“There are two things Te’o never had his arms around; His girlfriend and Alabama’s Eddie Lacy”

From Al.com

Then there are the pictures….

And then there are the emails I received….

Dear Sir,

I would like to say that I am appalled at the media uproar over the news that my ex-girlfriend, ahhh, pen pal, ahhhh, text buddy BFF, well, you know, may have been a figment of my imagination, and that I and the University of Notre Dame concocted this account to further my chances of winning trophies and accolades this season.

It is simply preposterous that I would have made such a thing up. I mean, even though I noted in a previous story that I fell in love with her when our eyes met at a Stanford game 3 years ago, that was taken completely out of context.

What should have been reported is that when we finished playing Stanford and I walked off the field I received her photo in a TEXT and fell immediately in love with her.

Anyway, people can make jokes, laugh and taunt all they want. But, they just need to remember that a girl that never existed is DEAD!!!

Manti Te’o
Multiple Defensive Award Winner
University of Notre Dame

Mr Wizard,
I’m writing you this letter with a heavy, heavy heart.

See I got this girl friend and she got a toe cut off in a tragic lawn mower accident this summer.

Then she was ridiing her bicycle to a class in the fall and she got hit by a bus. She kinda got all better but then she got a bad case of chlamydia last week and is not doing good at all now.

I just want you to know that if you hear Verne Lundquist and Gary Daniels talking about it this year I ain’t had nothing to do with it. And if you hear Mark May and Coach Holtz talking about it they must have heard it from somebody else.

So I guess I’m just wondering if you think that my imaginary girlfriend is sick enough to get me a lot of awards, too?
Because I think that Heisman trophy thing is pretty neat and you get a free trip to New York City.

Jadaveon Clowney
Columbia, South Carolina

Some of you may be asking…..

“Is the CFB Wizard defending Manti Te’o?”

Well let me explain it in my own words and perhaps you will understand

I can’t explain the “relationship” between Manti Te’o and his “girlfriend”

I can only draw comparisons to this young man’s “situation” to my own…

You see, my “relationship” with Country Music sensation Carrie Underwood is complicated

“Very” complicated

Our connection with each other is far more than what you see on the surface

I remember seeing her for the first time on “American Idol” in a short skirt….

We seemed to gaze at each other through the television screen….

And I said out loud…….

“Jesus Take the Wheel!”

I knew she felt what I said at the time and as we all know by now that title became her first hit record

And before you ask….

”NO” I didn’t ask for any royalties on the song, because we aren’t like that with each other

We laugh together, well, not together exactly, but if she is on TV and laughs I will laugh too

Sometimes we would talk on the phone, not with each other per say, but at the same time sometimes

We have been to Disneyworld together; will not together exactly, but within a few years of each other

Then there have been the picnics together and the long walks on the beach, just talking….

Not “together “in the “traditional” sense, but in spirit because our relationship is deeper than that

It has been a beautiful “relationship”

I’m not saying that there haven’t been times I wondered aloud what it would be like to have Carrie be “Mrs. CFB Wizard”, but alas it was not to be.

The fast paced, hectic world of college football prognostication coupled with a “long distance relationship” was too much of a strain on our “relationship” for Carrie, so she settled for some dumb hockey player, which “O’ by the Way” isn’t even a sport in this country unless you are a Russian exile.

So sadly, I understand Manti Te’o and his “situation” with his “girlfriend”

So before you make any judgments about this young man….

You need to walk a mile in his nonexistent factious girlfriend’s shoes…..

Then you will know how he really feels….

I know…..

Because Carrie Underwood and I were not to be

But Country Music Star Gretchen Wilson, that’s another story for another time….

I think she is stalking me….



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