Ladies and Gentlemen –
I have a surprise for you this week…..
Along with your always entertaining South Georgia Football News
And amazingly accurate and entertaining Weekly Picks….
We will have the University of Tennessee “rebuttal” on Butt Chugging
From none other than the Number One Volunteer Fan, Hootie Snitch
It should be astounding…(No Pun intended)
Enjoy your picks…..
POST GAME NOTES
The College Football Week that was Week 5; Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator was a rather astonishing 48 and 14 or 77%. Certainly it could have been “better”, and with that in mind I would like to take this opportunity to “thank” the West Point Black Knights of the Hudson, the Virginia Tech “Turkeys” and the Georgia Tech Wreck for disappointing not only their fans and alumni but also for sending my weekly average into the basement.
That aside, after 5 Weeks of College Football “The CFB Wizard” is 314 and 62 or holding steady at 84%.
Not too bad considering, if I say so myself…
TENNESSEE VOLUNTEERS COMMENTARY by “HOOTIE SNITCH”
This is the Number Damn One Tennessee Volunteer Fan on the Planet Hootie Snitch, coming at you from the Heart and Soul of Big Orange Country right here in Baneberry Tennessee!
I got me something to say about something that happened last week and you need to listen too!
Now there has been a lot of talk this past week about some of them fraternity boys at Tennessee..
I am here to tell you I damn sick of hearing it!
If you ain’t never done no “Butt Chugging” then you need to shut your mouth!
That’s right I said it!
But there is something that some of you damn people hadn’t even thought of!
Theres some advantages to “Butt Chugging” that you don’t get from regular drinking.
1. You can smoke a Marlboro while you are “Butt Chugging” (Try that while you are a regular drinking sometime; cause unless you are one of them ventriloquist in Las Vegas or Dollywood, it ain’t a going to work for you)
2. When you “Butt Chug” you don’t have no alcohol breath. Now that don’t mean that your farts won’t smell like Budweiser (Because they do), but it does mean that if the Police stops you on the way home from the party and he asks you “Have you been drinking?” You can honestly tell the man “No officer I haven’t had a drink all night”
3. If you tell your friends about the party they missed and you tell them “We all got drunk off our ass”, you is flat telling them the truth!
4. Women love to “Butt Chug” cause it don’t mess up their lipstick!
5. Admit it, Butt Chugging just sounds damn sexy, don’t it?
So for all you folks out there that have been a hating on Tennessee Volunteers for “Butt Chugging”
Have I got a deal for you!
Why don’t you come by my Bar and Grill “Scooters” this Saturday in Baneberry Tennessee!
We is going to have a Cornhole Tournament and some Butt Chugging!
I will even give you a free bumper sticker for coming by….
It says “I got Butt Chugged at Scooters”
I might even show some you lovely ladies how to “Turtle Peel” too if you’re lucky!
Hell Yeah!
See you there!
Hootie – Out!
EDITORS NOTES: Well…..
That was interesting…
But I think it’s illegal to mention “Butt Chugging” and “Cornhole” in the same story….
Unless you live in California
Just saying…
SOUTH GEORGIA FOOTBALL NEWS and VIEWS
Greetings from the Heart of SEC Country!!!
The Panthers of Clinch County snuck into McRae on Friday and squeaked out a 17-9 win over our homestanding Trojans. It was a nip and tuck battle to the very end but the Boys in Blue came up short in a hard fought opening to the Region 2-A schedule. The visiting Cats clawed out a 10-9 lead going into the 4th quarter and finally put the Trojans away with a late TD. Rashawn Mackey once again carried the load for the Trojans with 121 hard earned yards, including a big 50 yard TD dash to give Telfair an early lead. Next up for the boys is a road trip to a tough tribe of Indians from Ocilla as they tangle with Irwin County. Coach Burleson was upbeat about the effort our boys gave. “We’ve got to learn to hunker down and play a little tougher. These kids haven’t won around here lately, but they’re seeing what it takes to get the job done. We’re not out of anything yet. It’s early, and they’ll bounce back.”
A shootout broke out this weekend between the hedges of Sanford Stadium. The Coonskinners from Knoxville wandered into town looking to try to put a leash on a highly touted Georgia team. The end result was close to 1000 yard of total offense as the feisty hounds overcame a pesky Volunteer team by a score of 51 to 44. The scorekeeper was plenty busy tallying up yards and points in this matchup as neither team decided to feature much defense in this thriller. Next up for the Cow College is a trip to Chickentown to see if the can’t pluck the feathers out of Steve Spurrier’s homestanding Bantams. This is THE game everyone in the states of Georgia and South Click have been waiting for. It’s a winner take all death match to determine SEC East supremacy. If you can’t get excited about this one, well, you need to be a Big East fan. Meanwhile, up in Hot’lanta the Rambling Wreck….. Well, I’m sure your mamas taught you the same thing mine did. If you don’t have anything good to so about somebody, don’t say anything. I think that applies in this situation after Tech was embarrassed 49-28 Saturday by Middle Tennessee State. I’m not one to call for jobs, but something bad is wrong on North Avenue. And before my Tech brethren start talking about admission and academic standards, remember this. Bobby Ross and George O’Leary won at Tech as recently as the nineties. That reasoning don’t wash anymore. Let’s hope the Engineers draw up something good for a big game against Clemson next week. Playing within the confines of the Prettiest Little Stadium in America seems to suit the Eagles of Georgia Southern. In a big SoCon matchup this weekend the Blue Birds of Prey notched another win on their beaks as they gave the visiting Dogs of Samford a rude welcome with a 35-16 victory. The defense really ruffled their feathers at the expense of the scrappy canines as they allowed only 16 rushing yards in the second half to go along with 4 sacks and 7 tackles for loss. Jerrick McKinnon had over 160 yards and two TD’s on the day and Dominique Swopes added 134 yards and a couple of scores of his own. Next up for the Statesboro Blue Birds is a trip to North Carolina to take on the struggling Western Carolina Catamounts.
People are really starting to wonder what’s going on out in the Swamps of Louisiana these days as the Bayou Bengals of LSU struggled early against a nasty bunch of Cats from Towson before coming away with a 38-22 victory. Struggling with the War Eagles is one thing. Struggling against Towson does nothing to convince those pollsters, who rewarded the Tigers by dropping them to 4th. And then there was that little game in Morgantown with Baylor. Over 1500 yds of Offense, 67 first downs, and more receivers with 100 yard days than there were cheerleaders on the sidelines. Up in Ann Arbor, the Nuts of Columbus, Ohio managed to eeke out a win against the Gladiators of Michigan State. Looks like Urban still hasn’t found his next Tebow. Finally, over in the original Columbia of the SEC, the Head Ball Coach’s roosters started sluggishly in the first half against a scrappy bunch of kitties from Lexington. Trailing 17-7 at the half, Spurrier lit a fire under his lethargic charges as the Chickens stormed out of the coop after the half to score 31 unanswered points and take a 38-17 win. This victory pretty much sealed the deal for an undefeated, number 5 ranked Athens crew to travel to Chickentown to take on an undefeated, number 5 ranked Gamecocks team for a Nationally Televised affair this coming Saturday, complete with drumsticks, doggie treats, and ESPN’s Gameday. It don’t get no better than this, folks.
What I like:
Big Games in the SEC – Yessiree Bobtail, if you’re an SEC fan this weekend you’ll be glued to the set at 7 o’clock, watching Georgia – South Carolina. Spurrier vs Richt. Dawgs vs Cocks. Mano a Mano. (My Espaniola isn’t that good). This is what being a part of the best conference in the country is all about . Then there’s Alabama – LSU, Auburn – Alabama, Mississippi – Mississippi State, and many more.
What I don’t like:
Pinball games – Exhibit A: West Virginia Baylor. All those balls flying through the air look real pretty. Kind of like a video game. But, here’s a note to all those pollsters and fans who are so enamored with this foolishness. Every SEC team that won a National Title had a solid offense but a better defense.
Syndicated 12:30 ACC games on CBS affiliates – How many of you had to endure the pain of watching the juggernauts of North Carolina, Duke and Wake Forest, finish up last week before switching to the 3:30 Georgia – Tennessee game? How about the week before when we had to wait for the South Carolina – Missouri matchup? This is a regular occurance and it needs to stop before some well meaning fans up and sabotage a TV station, knock a broadcast tower down or assault some of the guilty station personnel.
This could get ugly.
That’s it for now. Hope everyone’s team wins and you have a great week.
And remember; make sure you support your local High School Athletics.
These are your future collegians of tomorrow.
Until next time,
I’m Harley Hanesworth
THE GAMES
Thursday October 4th
Arkansas State at Florida International
Note to the folks in Florida…..
Just because your “college” is close to the airport doesn’t make it “International”
RED WOLVES 28-24
East Carolina at Central Florida
The Boys from O Town….
(Not the musically challenged Boy Band)
Almost got the best of Mo last week…..
They won’t be so lucky on Thursday Night
PIRATES 31-28
Southern California at Utah
Even with Two Ute’s, Utah is still out manned in this one….
LAME TROJANS 38-17
Friday October 5th
Pittsburg at Syracuse
This game will be like watching geriatric people in a potato sack race…
It’s funny until somebody breaks a hip and then it’s just sad
PANTHERS 28-17
Utah State at Brigham Young
Another “Battle of the Brothers” in the Land of Donny and Marie…
I am feeling a little more country and somewhat less rock and roll in this one
AGGIES 34-31
Saturday October 6th
Navy at Air Force
This one will be for the Commander in Chiefs Trophy….
Aim High….
MIGHTY FALCONS 31-21
Kansas at Kansas State
This bitter instate rivalry game is called the “ Sunflower Showdown”
The winner takes home the Governors Cup
This is going to be uglier that Kansas Coach Charlie Weiss in a thong…..
Not that they make them that big…
WILDCATS 43-17
Georgia Southern at Western Carolina
They call Western the “Catamounts”….
Is it just me, or does that sound like something “naughty” is going on at the Taxidermist?
EAGLES 31-28
Mississippi State at Kentucky
I have checked the latest weather report….
And since Hell hasn’t frozen over yet, the Blue Cats won’t win this game.
BULLY DOGS 34-17
Connecticut at Rutgers
This is the biggest college football game in New Jersey this weekend
To say nothing about it being the only college football game in New Jersey this weekend
SCARLETT KNIGHTS 28-24
Montana at Northern Colorado
This game features Bears, Bears and more Bears….
It’s time to Bear Down Grizzlies
GRIZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ 38-24
Northwestern at Penn State
I still believe………………….
NITTANY LIONS 24-21
Arkansas at Auburn
Don’t be surprised if the score is reversed in this game
This one may go either way; believe it
WAR DAMN EAGLE 31-24
Michigan State at Indiana
This old Big Ten or whatever Conference Rivalry is played for the…
“Old Brass Spittoon” and the bucket of warm spit goes to..
MEN OF SPARTA 38-10
Delta State at Tarleton
There isn’t much I don’t like about Okra…
Except for Okra Winfrey, that overpaid windbag has got a head like a Shar-Pei
FIGHTING OKRA 34-13
Buffalo at Ohio
For those of you that may be interested….
The college known as “Buffalo” was NOT named after Wynonna Judd
I hope that has cleared up any misunderstanding
FRANK’S CATS 38-10
Boston College at Army
I was going to watch this game, but it comes on at the same time as a “special” I have been wanting to see on the Food Network, it’s called “Peanut Butter; Crunchy or Smooth, you decide”
CHESTNUT HILL EAGLES 43-10
Montana State at UC Davis
Isn’t the University of California Davis where they have all the protestors that protests damn near everything except communism? Yeah, that makes this pick easy….
BIG SKY BOBCATS 41-17
Boise State at Southern Miss
Both teams are struggling, but the Golden Eagles are struggling worse
BRONCOS 34-14
Virginia Tech at North Carolina
After what I saw last weekend, I have to say the Turkeys are about cooked…
TAR HEELS 28-24
Kent State at Eastern Michigan
Little known fact: if you are in K-Mart and you hear over the intercom “Golden Flash in women’s wear”
That means somebody’s grandma is trying on underwear…..without the benefit of a changing room.
GOLDEN FLASHES 28-27
Bye at Alabama
How dare “Bye” interrupt the Tide’s week off….
They will pay dearly for this intrusion
CRIMSON TIDE 43-0
Bowing Green at Akron
This rivalry in the Buckeye state is called the “Little Brother Bowl”…
Because it doesn’t matter who wins they will never be as good as their “Big Buckeye Brother”
FALCONS 34-28
Arkansas Monticello at Henderson State
I think the Reddie’s will win this game….
But I am going with the Boll Weevils…
Because that is just fun to say
BOLL WEEVILS 28-24
Murray State at Austin Peay
I wonder…..
When “Austin” has the football do the fans of the university yell “GO PEE!”
It’s a logical question to ask
PACERS 31-14
Arizona at Stanford
If the Oregon State Beavers were playing in this game I would care…
They aren’t so I don’t
CARDINAL 28-17
Virginia at Duke
“UPSET SPECIAL” (Sort of…)
Not that any of us actually care..
BLUE DEVILS 28-24
North Dakota at Eastern Washington
What kind of feathers are in the Sioux war bonnet?
Eagle feathers right?
My point exactly
FIGHTING SIOUX 33-24
Northern Illinois at Ball State
I don’t know if any Huskies qualify as “Bird Dogs”….
But they will “go to point” on a cardinal this Saturday
Believe it
HUSKIES 38-34
North Alabama at Texas A&M Kingsville
The Javelina’s get barbequed on Saturday in beautiful Kingsville….
Yes, sometimes it’s just that simple
FLORENCE LIONS 41-34
Central Michigan at Toledo
Rickey’s Rocket gets stalled at the launching pad….
CHIPPEWA’S’ 28-14
LSU at Florida
The Bayou Bengals and the Mighty Gators…
The Swamp…
This one is going to be something to see
HEY FIGHTN’ TIGERS 28-24
Georgia Tech at Clemson
I think this one has the potential to be uglier than a Tennessee Butt Chugging Contest.
(You didn’t really think I was going to do the entire picks without that reference did you?)
DABO’S TIGERS 44-17
Iowa State at Texas Christian
After winning the coveted “Iron Skillet” last week from my Proud Ponies…
I am officially back on the Horned Frog Band Wagon….
At least for another week…
HORNED FROGS 28-24
Oklahoma at Texas Tech
I have a feeling this one may be closer than you might think….
I just hope that “feeling” isn’t from a night of ill prepared Mexican food…
BOOMER SOONERS 31-24
Wake Forest at Maryland
For the Love of all that is Holy in College Football…
Please do something about those ridiculous uniforms of the Terrapins
UGLY ASS TURTLES 34-17
Illinois at Wisconsin
It has come to my attention that ESPN’s Pam Ward will be “commentating” during this game…
If you don’t want to be violently Ear Raped, then I would suggest hitting the mute button long before kickoff. Consider yourselves warned.
CHEESE WHIZZED 24-17
Youngstown State at North Dakota State
It’s very simple…
A Penguin cannot tussle with a Buffalo without getting killed.
I saw the story on the National Geographic Channel
MIGHTY BISON 38-34
Tulsa at Marshall
I wouldn’t call this one a “Upset”, I would just say…
WE ARE MARSHALL 33-31
Louisiana Monroe at Middle Tennessee State
There will be a shoot-out in Murfreesboro, but this one won’t involve a liquor store robbery
WARHAWKS 38-31
Michigan at Purdue
This Old Big Ten something or another Conference rivalry is played for the highly coveted…
“Purdue Sphincter Cannon”
(Not to be confused with the University of Tennessee Butt Chugging Cannon)
WOLVERINES 34-17
New Mexico State at Idaho
I can’t help it…
Every time I see the word “Idaho” I think of a girl I knew in high school named “Ida”
She had a “questionable” reputation…
LASSO LARRY 24-21
Tulane at Louisiana Lafayette
The “Green Wave” is little more than an olive drab trickle at this point in the season…
CAJUNS A RAGIN 31-17
Washington State at Oregon State
You can say what you want about me….
But I Love me some Beavers
MIGHTY BEAVERS 34-14
Texas State at New Mexico
The Big Dogs has Bob’s Cats outmatched in this one…
LOBO’S 28-14
Georgia at South Carolina
This old South rivalry has been going on since 1894….
This one will be a classic..
HUNKER DOWN DAWGS 31-28
West Virginia at Texas
Believe it or not, I wouldn’t call this one an “Upset”
Unless you plan on burning your couch in Morgantown on Saturday night….
MIGHTY LONGHORNS 34-31
Southwestern Oklahoma at Ouachita Baptist
Although the Baptist doesn’t a have “Dance Squad” for reasons that should be abundantly clear…
Their cheerleaders are still better looking than the ones at Oral Roberts University
Some of those gals could eat corn on the cob through a tennis racket…
GOTCHA BAPTIST 28-24
Fresno State at Colorado State
I wish I had better news for Coach Jim McElwain and the Rams….
But I don’t
BULLDOGS 31-24
Vanderbilt at Missouri
I am really leaning to an “Upset Special” on this one….
You better watch out for Franklin’s Commodores
MO’S TIGERS 28-24
Carson Newman at Catawba
I ask you….
Who in their right mind names a college after a toenail infection?
My point exactly…
SPARK’S EAGLES 41-28
Texas A&M at Ole Miss
This message if for all the Aggie fans, alumni and students….
Before you even ask….
“Yes” the Ole Miss “Rebel Black Bear” mascot is the laughing stock of the Conference…
GIG EM AGGIES 44-21
Citadel at Samford
The Boys from the Iron City are hard to stop this season….
They will spank the Bulldogs from Chuck Town on Saturday
SAMMY FORD 31-28
Rice at Memphis
Both of these teams suck so bad, it’s impossible to pick a “winner” in this one.
ELVIS’S TIGERS 10-7
North Texas at Houston
This one is a toss-up, but as bad as the “once” mighty Cougars are playing…
I am going Green…
MEAN GREEN 28-23
Miami (OH) at Cincinnati
This instate Buckeye rivalry is called “The Battle for the Bell”
And they play for the “Victory Bell”
After last week I have to go with the….
BEARKATS 31-13
UNLV at Louisiana Tech
The Boys from Louisiana are for real…
If you don’t think so….
Then ask the team from the Big Ten that got the wood laid to them over a week ago
BULLDOGS 41-24
Wyoming at Nevada
It pains me to say this…..
Cowboy Down!
WOLFPACK 34-21
Miami (FL) at Notre Dame
Call me crazy….
It’s nothing I haven’t already heard from Mental Health Professionals
HURRICANES 24-21
Florida State at North Carolina State
The Wolf Pack will keep this one close
For a while….
JUMBO’S NOLES 38-21
Nebraska at Ohio State
The Children of the Corn get the hell shucked out of them at the Big Horseshoe
BUCKEYES 34-17
Hawaii at San Diego State
I am convinced….
That if “Dog the Bounty Hunter” were to play against the ancient Aztecs…
He would win…
Although that logic doesn’t really apply here
ANCIENT AZTECS 17-14
St Olaf at Hamline
With all due respect to the greatest of all 20th century urban philosophers….
M.C. Hammer when he said..”It’s Hammy Time!”
I am going with………..
SAINT OLIE 23-17
Southern Methodist at Texas El Paso
My Proud Ponies will bounce back after last week’s tough loss to the Frogs…
They better start this week with the Miners.
MIGHTY MUSTANGS 34-31
UCLA at California
Just for the record……
The terms “Butt Chugging” and “Corn Hole” mean something ENTIRELY different in California…
Typically that’s an invitation to Siegfried and Roy’s House…
Consider that your public service announcement of the week
You’re Welcome
BRUINS 24-17
Washington at Oregon
This is best college football game on at 0200 Sunday Morning…
Yippee….
QUACKERS 34-21
Enjoy your games…
RTR
THE CFB WIZARD