College Football Picks Week 3

September 13, 2012
By

Ladies and Gentlemen –

I know what you are thinking….

This season already resembles an out of control tilt-a-whirl at the county fair.

Well look on the bright side, because I am a “glass half-full” kind of guy…

At least at this county fair you don’t have to watch Kenny Chesney in a Corn Dog eating Contest

Sorry for the visual, let’s get to the games

POST GAME COMMENTARY

Upsets ruled the roost last weekend….

And believe me I am almost as “upset” as many of you….

In Week 2 of our 2012 College Football Season Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator was 68 and 11 or 86% for the week. That leaves us at 153 and 21 or 88% for this young season.

With all these Upsets my average is falling faster than Bill Clinton’s pants at a church picnic

COLLEGE FOOTBALL NEWS

ARIZONA: When Coach Rod’s wife “Rita Rod” announced last week…

That she will “ugly” the Wildcats to victory..

She wasn’t joking around….

KANSAS STATE: DAMNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!

ARKANSAS: There is nothing more dangerous than an angry Razorback….

Remember you read it here first…

FLORIDA STATE: Invoking the mercy rule at the end of the third quarter last week against that 2A High School the Seminoles were playing was the right thing to do…

Good Call….

NOTRE LAME: I just finished reading the “big” news about the Fighting Irish and the ACC….

If you haven’t read it, let me sum it up for you in the terms of a 16 year old girl….

The Fighting Irish thinks like the ACC is “like really cute”, but they just want to be friends…

I mean like they want to go out together, you know like friends and stuff and but they don’t want to “date” the ACC or commit to anything, so they can still see other people and stuff.

AUBURN: A National Championship two years ago….

The last Championship was what? 1959?

And after a 0-2 start you want to fire the Coach?

Seriously? You all are “still” letting Bobby Lowder run the show?

COLORADO: Are you all still playing football out there?

The only reason I ask is this….

If you can’t beat the “Tippy Canoe and Tyler Too Junior College of Transmission Repair”

Then you might want to reconsider….

IOWA: Are you kidding me?
As big a damn people as you grow there in corn country and you can’t run the football?
Hell, even your “Miss Iowa” in the “Miss America” pageant was 6’6” 310 pounds; maybe she could block somebody for you.

THE SOUTHEASTERN CONFERENCE: Just a reminder….
To the fine folks at Texas A&M and Missouri…

You “might” not want to talk trash about an SEC opponent until you can play FOUR Quarters..

I’m just saying….

NEBRASKA: DAMN IT………………….

OREGON STATE: Ask anybody you want….

I have always believed in the Power of the Beaver

Great win last week….

WISCONSIN: Your cheese whizzed

CLEMSON: Dabo’s Tigers are a force to be reckoned with…

Believe it….

OKLAHOMA STATE: Cowboy….Down

SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA: Hey! GREAT Win last week….

Over that perennial powerhouse Syracuse…

MIAMI: The “Hurricanes” couldn’t generate enough wind last week…..

To qualify as a decent popcorn fart

SOUTH GEORGIA FOOTBALL NEWS AND VIEWS

Greetings from the Heart of SEC Country!!!

The hometown gridiron gladiators made a trip to Hazlehurst to take on the Yellow Jackets of Jeff Davis High School. Unfortunately, the boys in blue came up just a little short as they were beaten by the homestanding insects by a score of 35-21. The 2-AA Jackets took advantage of two interceptions and 3 fumbles to keep the Trojans at bay. Despite the fumble-itis, these Trojans kept bringing the fight to the Jackets. Quarterback Kevin Clark was 4 of 12 for 109 yards and 2 TDs in the passing department. The recipient of the two Telfair touchdown strikes was the speedy Rashawn Mackey whose 62 yard catch and run almost broke the game open for the Trojans early on. The Trojans went to halftime with a hard fought tie score but the turnover troubles started and quashed any hopes for a win. On the defensive side of the ball “Jumbo” Julian Sanchez, a 175 goliath from Workmore, anchored a solid line with 7 solo tackles and 8 assists. Gage Harrelson led all defenders with 9 solo stops and 8 assists of his own. Coach Burleson, although obviously disappointed, was also optimistic. “These kids fought hard and played hard for 48 minutes. This wasn’t a gimme game for Jeff Davis. We made them earn it. We had some self inflicted pain but I also saw these young kids try to overcome the odds and adversity. That’s life. You don’t get to cruise down the interstate on every trip. Sometimes you got to take the dirt roads, hit the puddles and pot holes, and try your best to make progress. I’ve got fighters and that’s what matters to me.” Well said, Coach.

Up in State Capital, the North Avenue Tradeschool played the rude hosts to the Presbyterian Blue Hose. It was apparent early that the FCS visitors were outmatched as the Sliderule Jocks posted 21 first quarter points en route to a 59-0 victory. The Wreck did answer some questions on defense in this tune up for a trip to a suddenly resurgent Virginia Cavalier team. They also got some exciting play from Redshirt Freshman Quarterback Vad Lee, a North Carolina product who tossed an 82 yard touchdown pass and had 101 rushing yards off the bench. Tech hopes to have some more of this offensive burst available for the Cavaliers who are coming off a win against Penn State.

Meanwhile, about 3 states to the west of us, the Red Clay Hounds of the flagship University of Georgia welcomed the Felines of Missouri to SEC with a 41-20 victory over the new kids on the rough and tumble Southeastern Conference. The Clark Countians toyed with the kitties for two and a half quarters and finally decided to get down to business. Up just 24-20 after 3 quarters the Dawgs piled on 17 unanswered points to come away with the win. Apparently young Jarvis Jones wasn’t in on the welcoming plans had he tormented the Tigers all night. Jones had 8 tackles, a sack, a fumble recovery and an interception, with the latter two feats leading to Bulldog touchdowns to put the game away. For his huge game he was named not only the SEC defensive player of the week but also the Walter Camp National defensive player of the week. Although they’re newcomers to our conference, the Missouri faithful was loud and enthusiastic and represented their school well. In my opinion, we made a good choice in bringing this fine institution into our ranks. Next up for the Dogs is, hopefully a home game tune-up against Florida Atlantic before getting to the meat of the 2012 schedule – 7 straight games against tough SEC opponents.

The news wasn’t so good out of Charleston for Jeff Monken’s Blue Birds as The Citadel’s version of Bulldogs gave the favorites a little dose of triple option medicine and came away with a 23-21 win. The Eagles started the game in a self made hole, as they turned the ball over twice early in the first quarter and the hometown Dogs quickly converted them to 14 points. The Birds of Prey swept back into the game and were only down 3 at the half. Poised to take over the game in the second half, the Eagles offense inexplicably went stale as they only amassed 129 yards of total offense in the second half after racking up 235 in the first. It was nip and tuck the rest of the way. With only 35.5 seconds left, The Citadel’s Thomas Warren knocked in a 37 yard field goal to seemingly put the game away. But the never say die Eagles were not done yet as on the ensuing kickoff J.J. Wilcox reeled off an exciting 53 yard return to set up some possible late game heroics for the Statesboro gang. With time running out, kicker Ryan Nowicki lined up for the game winning 31 yard field goal. Unfortunately a high snap led to a miss wide left, leaving the Eagles and a ton of Eagles fans in stunned silence. The loss dropped the Birds down to 10th in the polls. Next up for GSU is the Elon Phoenix back at Paulson Stadium in a game which Eagles hope to get back to their winning ways.

The results out in Little Rock turned out to be a prime example of a warmup game gone bad as the Hogs of Arkansas were defeated by a nasty bunch of Warhawks from Louisiana-Monroe. With not enough reserves left on the bench and players falling like leaves in October the Razorbacks were not only knocked out of the game but also the Top 25. Speaking of upsets, there appears to be major problems for another bunch of felines down in Auburn. The Starkville Canines ripped the feathers out of the War Eagles to the tune of 28-10 to bring the question to the forefront of just what is going on down in Southeast Alabama. I’m sure another stinker like this will bring plenty of heat on Gene Chizik. And oh, by the way, those giant killing Warhawks from UL Monroe are looming on the horizon. Down in Tallahassee, the Savannah State Tigers decided to go for two weeks in a row of self inflicted pain by playing sacrificial lamb to the ‘Noles of Florida State. They played the role well as FSU notched a 55-0 win and could be now considered a major donor, along with OK State, to the Savannah State Athletic Departments building program. Next up for the Felines? A new field house. And I would be remiss if I didn’t mention Neutred Dame. I don’t have any personal animosity against this fine institution. But I do have problems the way the media slobbers all over themselves whenever the Irishmen start off a season as they have this season. A trouncing of a Service Academy and a squeaker against a perennial cellar dweller like Purdue and the South Benders are ranked at #20. Let’s see what happens this weekend against a tough Michigan State team and a young man named La’Veon Bell.

What I like:

Jarvis Jones – Wow. This kid is amazing. Forced Fumble. Sack. Interception. Just being a general nuisance to the Tigers offense all night. Gotta love him.

Dylan Thompson – Gotta give this kid some credit. After a horrendous showing the previous week, the kid comes in for an injured Connor Shaw and guides the Gamecocks to a W with 330 yards passing and 3 TD’s. The Head Ball Coach was understandably giddy

Dabo Swinney / Daniel Rodriguez – When last we saw young Daniel Rodriguez, the Army Veteran of Iraq and Afghanistan, Dabo Swinney invited him to walk on to the Clemson Tigers after tons of blood, sweat, and tears in trying to attract some attention from someone, anyone willing to give him a shot at football. Saturday, he caught a 4 yard pass in the Clemson / Ball State game. Good job, Daniel. And hats off to you, coach

That’s it for now. Hope everyone’s team wins and you have a great week.
And remember; make sure you support your local High School Athletics.
These are your future collegians of tomorrow.

Until next time,

I’m Harley Hanesworth

THE GAMES

Thursday September 13th

Rutgers at South Florida
There was a time that this game captured the Nation’s attention…
Every television in American tuned with rapt attention…
Most people still do…
Watching the gridiron action of these two juggernauts of collegiate football squaring off…
What? Wait….
Never mind I thought I was picking the Florida – Tennessee game…
Never mind
NO BULL 28-24

Friday September 14th

Washington State at UNLV
If you are watching this game on television then you are clearly not prepared for Saturday’s Tailgating activities set-forth by the rules within the Big 12 or Southeastern Conference
Shame on you….
COUGARS 28-17

Saturday September 15th

Wake Forest at Florida State
Is the “reverend” Jimmy Swaggart still the “unofficial” mascot of the Demon Deacons?
I bet he jumps every time it thunders….
Not that it matters here
JUMBO’S NOLES 34-17

Citadel at Appalachian State
This game will be like pay day night at the “Wagon Wheel Trailer Park”….
There will be a lot of drinking and a lot of fighting…
But mostly just fighting…
MOUNTAINEERS 33-28

California at Ohio State
If the Golden Bears of California played football in the Special Olympics…
They would get a Bronze medal…
MIGHTY BUCKEYES 41-13

Virginia Tech at Pittsburg
It’s like the song says….
The “Hokey Pokey” is what it’s all about….
Trust me on this one..
HOKEY POKEY 34-10

Arkansas State at Nebraska
The Black Shirts rebound with a tasty cupcake….
Yippee…..
CHILDREN OF THE CORN 38-10

Louisiana Lafayette at Oklahoma State
LA LA might have sneaked by Troy last week….
But the Prairie Wind is going hit them this week in the “naughty” place
COWBOY UP! 44-17

Stephen F. Austin at Montana State
I hate this for Stephen….
He is known as the “Father of Texas”….
NOT the “Bobcat Hunter”…..
BOBCATS 34-24

Texas Christian at Kansas
Sorry Charlie…..
The party’s over for Jay’s Hawks…
HORNED FROGS 28-14

Louisiana Monroe at Auburn
One team is sky high after last week….
And the other is madder than hell…
This one is easy..
WAR DAMN EAGLE 34-14

Lenoir Rhyne at Carson Newman
Ok, I’m confused…..
I thought this college was called “LeAnn Rimes”?
Who the hell is Lenoir?
SPARK’S EAGLES 41-34

Western Michigan at Minnesota
Seriously, you don’t really care about this game do you?
I didn’t think so…
O’ SO VERY GOLDEN GOPHERS 24-21

Northern Illinois at Army
Here we go again…..
I pick the West Point Cadets to win and they lose….
I pick them to lose and they win….
Let’s get it together people!
BLACK KNIGHTS OF THE HUDSON 31-28

Charleston Southern at Illinois
I really wish I cared about this game, but I don’t….
Sorry….
FIGHTING PUMPKINS 38-10

Bethune Cookman at Miami (FL)
Maybe the “mighty” Hurricanes can generate some wind this week….
They didn’t make enough wind last week to fart through a sofa cushion
HURRICANES 41-6

Eastern Michigan at Purdue
The Boilermakers have a hangover and the Eagles smell upset..
This one will be closer than you might think..
BOILERMAKERS 31-28

Connecticut at Maryland
The last time I saw a jersey like the “new” Maryland uniforms…
It had vomit on it…
MULTI COLORED TURTLES 28-24

Susquehanna at Dickenson
Poor Emily got a beating last week by Juanita and she won’t fare any better this week against Susie..
SUSIE Q 31-13

Presbyterian at Vanderbilt
The Blue Ho’s invade Music City this Weekend
Please stay off Broadway Avenue in Nashville!
It’s family friendly….
FRANKLIN’S DORES 38-17

Tennessee Tech at Oregon
This game is going to be uglier than a drunken night of “Strip Twister” with Wynonna Judd…
And before you ask….
“NO” I do NOT want to talk about it….
QUACKS 207-0

Furman at Clemson
This little tussle in the Palmetto State is going to end badly for Chewbacca’s cousin
DABO’S TIGERS 43-10

Alabama at Arkansas
This game is always a fight until the last whistle blows…
And this one will be no exception..
Believe it
CRIMSON TIDE 24-21

Massachusetts at Michigan
Did you know?
If you attempt to say “Massachusetts” after drinking a large glass of buttermilk…
That you will foam at the mouth and spit buttermilk across the room?
Consider this your safety message of the week…
WOLVERINES 41-10

North Carolina at Louisville
These Cardinals are Stronger than you might think….
That Bridgewater Kid is the real deal…
Believe it
STRONG’S CARDINALS 31-17

Virginia at Georgia Tech
The Rambling Wreck just keeps on rambling….
YELLOW JACKETS 28-17

Boston College at Northwestern
I would rather stare at an Ant Farm for three hours than watch this game…
CHESTNUT HILL EAGLES 24-20

Navy at Penn State
It pains me to no end to write this…..
MIDSHIPMEN 21-17

Morgan State at Akron
Just a simple line of logic here….
If your team is called the “Zips” or “Zippers” if you will…
Then why in the Hell do you have a Kangaroo for a mascot?
Who is running the Akron Athletic Program, an Ole Miss Graduate?
ZIPPY THE PINHEADS 34-17

Concordia (MN) at St Olaf
What in the Hell is a “Concordia”?
Isn’t that like an accordion?
OLIES 28-17

Northern Iowa at Iowa
I’m serious Hawkeyes….
RUN THE DAMN FOOTBALL!
HAWKEYES 28-14

Texas A&M at Southern Methodist
I’m afraid my poor ponies are in for a rough night in Dallas…
GIG EM AGGIES 38-17

East Carolina at Southern Miss
These two teams dislike each other intensely….
It’s going to be a wild night in Beautiful Hattiesburg
GOLDEN EAGLES 34-31

Miami (OH) at Boise State
The Folks from Boise’s stock fell faster than Facebook’s after the loss to Michigan State…
But they will have enough firepower to dismantle the Red Hawks
BRONCOS 41-17

Stony Brook at Syracuse
I think we all know the “Orange” will win this game…
But why someone would name their team after a flavor of Cool-Aide is beyond me….
However I will tell you this…
Unrelated to this potential slaughter…
The Wonderful Folks at Stony Brook Cabins and Chalets in Gatlinburg Tennessee
Have the greatest get-a-way known to mankind…
Plan your vacation today and tell them “Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator” sent you
http://www.stonybrooklodging.com/

Portland State at Washington
I have a question about this game that is bothering me….
Do the Huskies football players shop in the Husky section of the department store?
Just wondering..
HUSKIES 38-14

Florida International at Central Florida
Just because this “rivalry” in the Sunshine State doesn’t have a name…
Doesn’t mean they don’t hate each other, a lot
GOLDEN KNIGHTS 28-17

James Madison at West Virginia
I know, I know….
Jimmy’s wife “Dolly” makes some fantastic little powder donuts….
But that has nothing whatsoever to with this game
Sorry….
MOUNTAINEERS 55-10

Florida at Tennessee
Simply put, this game is all about “We Hate You” and “Everything About you…”
It’s going to be a war until the final whistle blows, believe it
MIGHTY GATORS 28-24

South Alabama at North Carolina State
This is so ridiculous….
I don’t have the words to describe it
WOLF PACK 77-0

Cal Poly at Wyoming
Polly want a cracker?
How about a Cowboy ass whipping?
COWBOY UP! 31-14

Ohio at Marshall
This “Battle for the Bell” has been played every year since 1905….
It’s going to be a good one…
FRANK’S CATS 24-17

UAB at South Carolina
Hey Steve, isn’t “cupcake” season about over?
GAMECOCKS 38-0

North Texas at Kansas State
The “Mean Green” will be reduced to complacent translucent olive drab by the end of the first quarter
WILDCATS 55-10

Western Kentucky at Kentucky
UPSET SPECIAL!!!!
The Hilltoppers will top the Cats and leave them Blue in Lexington
Believe it
HILLTOPPERS 24-21

Kentucky Christian at North Alabama
Before I start talking about this game between the “Christians and Lions”…..
I have one question….
These aren’t the Folks from Kentucky that handle snakes and drink Clorox in Church is it?
Because you can’t scare then folks with NOTHING!
MIGHTY FLORENCE LIONS 41-10

Arizona State at Missouri
I might be wrong….
But this one will be way close….
And could easily go either way
MO’S TIGERS 38-34

North Carolina Central at Duke
They call this game….
“The Bull City Classic”
That’s a lot of Bull
DEVILS OF BLUE 28-17

Nicholls State at Tulsa
Maybe it’s just me….
But I would give a quarter to hear Nicholls thoughts on this game…
GOLDEN HURRICANES 43-0

Middle Tennessee at Memphis
This game is like watching the folks in a Nursing Home try and chew a three dollar steak…
At first it’s kind of funny and then it’s just really sad and disgusting
ELVIS’S TIGERS 24-21

Sam Houston State at Baylor
Poor Sam…..
Remember San Jacinto!
DA BEARS 41-24

Delaware State at Cincinnati
I had every intention of watching this game but I have “macaroni art class”
Sorry….
BEARKATS 44-10

Rice at Louisiana Tech
This Rice gets micro waved in 15 minutes….
Believe it
BULLDOGS 31-10

New Mexico at Texas Tech
Before I forget to mention it….
While in Lubbock be sure and visit the Buddy Holly Museum…
You will be glad you did Peggy Sue..
GET THOSE GUNS UP RED RAIDERS! 41-14

Bowling Green at Toledo
This old rivalry in the Buckeye state is called the “Battle of I-75” and it’s been said that they have played this game every year since 1919…..
Ok wait a minute…
We didn’t have Interstates in 1919!
Something weird is going on here…
ROCKET MAN 31-28

Mississippi State at Troy
Run Troy! That Bulldog is going to bite the hell out of you!
BULLY DOGS 41-17

Northwestern State at Nevada
I was going tune into this game but “Cheese Sculpting” is going to be on the Food Network…
I can’t miss it…
WOLFPACK 51-0

Southern California at Stanford
UPSET SPECIAL!!!!!
You read it right the first time….
CARDINAL 34-31

Florida Atlantic at Georgia
Oh yeah this one will be close……
Until the Atlantic Owls hear…
“O say can you see….”
Then they will be fourteen points down…
HUNKER DOWN BIG DAWGS 41-10

Idaho at LSU
Big Mike the Tiger devours the “Ida-Honkey” Dance Team at halftime…
Film at Eleven….
HEY FIGHTN’ TIGERS 51-0

Notre Dame at Michigan State
This rivalry in the frozen tundra of the north is played for the “megaphone trophy”
I wonder if anyone yells into it and says..”Can you hear me now?”
I know, sometimes I wonder too much
MEN OF SPARTA 31-24

Utah State at Wisconsin
Believe it or not….
This game is going to be a lot closer than you might think
CHEESE POWER 28-24

North Dakota at San Diego State
This one is for the NCAA Speech Police….
Read it closely….
FIGHTING SIOUX!!!!!!!!! 33-24

Colorado State at San Jose State
I wonder if San Jose owns a Dodge truck?
RAM TOUGH 31-21

Western Illinois at Iowa State
The Cyclones won the CY-Hawk Trophy last week….
And the Wind is starting to pick up speed…
CYCLONES 43-10

Ball State at Indiana
VH1 has a “special” on at the same time or I would watch this game…
“Behind the Music: Slim Whitman”
I can’t miss it…
HOOSIER DADDY? 34-17

Colorado at Fresno State
You don’t really expect me to pick the buffalos do you?
You would be correct in that assumption
BULLDOGS 31-10

New Mexico State at UTEP
As a side note….
If the foam rubber “Lasso Larry” ever comes out of the tunnel for the game in Butt-less chaps….
I will pee on myself….
LASSO LARRY 28-24

Texas at Ole Miss
Please listen closely…..
The University of Texas is called the “Longhorns”
Thus they have a “live” and exceptionally large Longhorn steer as their mascot….
Ole Miss is called the “Rebels”
And they have a foam rubber Black Bear as a mascot…..
See the difference?
MIGHTY LONGHORNS 34-10

Brigham Young at Utah
This game is played for the coveted “Beehive Boot”
And if you put your foot in it you will get the hell stung out of you
I’m just saying….
COUGARS 31-28

South Carolina State at Arizona
This game is going to be uglier than Rita Rod without make-up….
Well, maybe not “that” ugly, but it’s going to be bad
WILDCATS 141-0

Houston at UCLA
The once mighty cougars have been de-clawed….
BRUINS 34-10

Sunday September 16th

Lamar at Hawaii
In the immortal words of the greatest urban philosopher of the late 2th century…
M.C. Hammer when he said those immortal words…
“It’s Lammy Time”
Ok, not really but that’s all I have here….
WARRIORS Electric Sliding on RAINBOWS 43-10

Enjoy your games….

RTR

THE CFB WIZARD

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One Response to College Football Picks Week 3

  1. Jim Mallory on September 13, 2012 at 5:54 pm

    BAMA Mike, Good job as usual. I really enjoyed last weeks games and will be watching the “BIG ONES” this week-end. Your pal, BJ

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