Ladies and Gentlemen –
College Football is a lot like life itself…
There are great victories and disappointments…
And there are times when you have confidence that all will be well…
Only to see your dreams crushed before your very eyes…
Have faith dear readers, all is not lost…
In an effort to encourage you all it’s time for your Chuck Norris Fact of the Week
“If Chuck Norris takes out a loan, the only collateral he provides is collateral damage”
You’re Welcome
POST GAME WEEK 1
Before we go any further….It’s important to note a College Milestone Last Saturday
The Great Coach Ken Sparks of Carson Newman won his 300th game last Saturday…
Coach Sparks had this to say following his victory….
While the win was meaningful to Sparks, he said there is more to life than football.
“I’m just grateful to be associated with Carson-Newman and all these kids and coaches.” the 68-year-old Sparks said. “They’re the ones who’ve invested their heart and their lives and given so much to be a part of this over the years.”
“I’m still a nobody, but I’m still trying to honor the Lord with what we are trying to do – I’m just grateful to be a small part of it.”
Congratulations Coach Sparks, you sir are a class act.
Last Week Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator finished week one of the season at 85 and 10 or 89%. Not too bad for picking almost 100 games in the first week, however….
I would like to take this opportunity to thank the California “Not So” Golden Bears, the Declawed Houston Cougars and the Pittsburg Litter Box Cats for completely screwing up my opening week average.
I have seen better football played on an elementary playground…..
SOUTH GEORGIA FOOTBALL NEWS AND VIEWS
Welcome to the heart of SEC Country!!!
Football season is finally here. Those long awaited Friday night lights and Saturday’s in the South have mercifully arrived like Christmas in August. Our hometown Trojans traveled to Soperton on August 24th for an eagerly awaited preseason “scrimmage” against the Treutlan Vikings. After a hard fought battle, the Boys in Blue came up on the short end of a 21-6 score but these kids showed tons of heart and marked improvement from last season. Although the Trojans lost on the scoreboard, Coach Burleson sounded optimistic. “You know, we’ve got some good kids out here. These guys worked their tails off this summer and during practice and you could see it on the field. I’ve put in some new schemes on both sides of the ball so it’s just a matter of time before we turn the corner. The learning curb is steep for these boys but it’s a long season.” Indeed it is, coach. Last Friday was the Home Opener against the Wheeler County Bulldogs. Wheeler was coming off a 5-5 2011 campaign which saw them fall just short of the playoffs. The Trojans were looking at avenging a close 14-7 loss at the hands of the Canines and came away with a huge opening game 45-21 win!!! The boys in blue scored early and often in this one and showed that all that hard work had paid off. Next up for Telfair is a trip to Hazlehurst for a matchup against the 2-AA power Jeff Davis Yellow Jackets. The Insects are 1-1 on the young season and should prove to be quite a challenge for our Trojans
The College Football Season also opened this weekend, with somewhat mixed results for our in state universities. Up in Athens, the Dogs took on the pesky Bulls from Buffalo and walked into the locker room with a 45-23 victory. Things got a little dicey along the way, as the visitors hung around until after halftime and piled up 347 total yards, with almost 200 yards of that coming from the ground game. Without 4 starters, the Dogs looked vulnerable on paper, but in the end some of our younger boys stepped up and poured it on to put the game out of reach. Next up for the Hounds is a trip to Columbia, Missouri to entertain a brand new bunch of felines into the SEC. Note to all: Keep an eye on the kid Gurley. He’s something else.
After getting derailed in the FCS playoffs last year, the Big Blue Eagles of Georgia Southern got things off to a winning note as they dominated the Jacksonville Dolphins by a score of 58 – 0. Quarterback Ezayi Youyoute and Running Back Dominique Swope each scored 3 touchdowns and racked up 170 of the total 559 rushing yards accumulated by the Statesboro Blues-men. In all, 15 different backs got carries in the game to really spread the wealth. Next up for the Birds is a short flight to Charleston to tangle with the Bulldogs of The Citadel. This should prove to be a barn burner as over the last few years, while the Eagles have come away with victories, these Dogs always plays the Eagles close.
And, finally, after fighting tooth and nail with the Gobblers of Virginia Tech, the North Avenue Trade School came up on the short end of a 17-20 score on Monday night in Blacksburg. The Bees traveled to enemy territory in hopes of gaining control of the ACC Coastal Division but their plans were smashed by a feisty bunch of Hokies. The Slide Rule Jocks managed a tie at the end of regulation but came up ort in overtime as Va Tech punched in a field goal after Ga Tech failed to score on their first possession. The Wreck will be back in Atlanta next week to try to put some runs in their FCS opponent, Presbyterian Blue Hose. It should be a good opportunity for Coach Johnson to get some people healthy, make some tweaks, and get back to their winning ways.
Out in Dallas, the battle of the immovable object vs the unstoppable force never materialized as Coach Nick Saban’s pachyderms of Alabama stampeded over the Michigan Wolverines, once again making a statement for Southern supremacy in the domain of College Football. Michigan was without star running back Fitzgerald Toussaint but I don’t think it would have made much difference in the final outcome of the beatdown. In the Chik-fil-a kickoff game, the Clemson Tigers proved they were the dominant felines by taking a victory from the Plainsmen of Auburn by a 26-19 score. The Tigers were without highly acclaimed wideout Sammie Watkins but DeAndre Hopkins proved to be a worthy replacement in a statement game for the ACC. Finally, up in Nashville, the Seamen of Vandy almost gave the visiting Roosters of South Carolina a rude awakening as the Gamecocks limped out of town with a 17-13 win. The Cocks struggled again in the passing department and got quite a scare when QB Connor Shaw went out for a few plays with a shoulder injury. However, the gutsy Shaw climbed back in the saddle and rallied the Chickens for a late touchdown to come away with the win. Word to the wise: Watch out for Vandy. As the Head Ball Coach said after the game, “Vandy doesn’t have a bunch of slow guys like they used to.” James Franklin has this team coached up and poised for a good season.
Finally, some stuff I’ve been thinking about.
I like:
Nicknames and mascots. Throughout the Great State of Georgia, high schools have a variety of mascots. There are 4 legged creatures like Lions and Tigers and Bears. Cougars and Bobcats. Bronco’s, Pony’s, and Stallions. There are proud, human incarnations like Patriots and Colonels, Generals and Giants. There are Native American monikers like Warriors and Seminoles. Indians and Cherokees. But what I like are the unique, seldom heard of nicknames. Down in Cairo, Ga you have the Syrupmakers. Lafayette is the home of the Ramblers. Up in Gainesville, the Red Elephants play. Nahunta is the home of the Brantley County Herons. My personal favorite? Johnson – Savannah’s Atom Smashers.
Connor Shaw – That kid is tough as nails. He took a hard shot and came back in to finish the game.
SEC Coaches – Nobody in any other Conference should be complaining about the SEC and their problem kids. Big name schools have gotten rid of big name players. Auburn & Michael Dyer. Georgia & Crowell. LSU & Matthieu. But, isn’t it funny that Urban Myer of Ohio State has decided to keep his problem child Storm Klein? Yes, charges were reduced to misdemeanor, but how many times have you heard of DUI’s being reduced to reckless driving in a plea arrangement?
Alabama – They’re ready to Roll Tide Roll
Vandy – They’re ready to Bowl, Baby, Bowl
I don’t like:
Post game press conferences. The Oprah age of interviewing is firmly entrenched in College Football as well as other sporting venues. What do you really expect to hear when, after a kid makes an intercepted and is asked “how did you feel” or “what were you thinking?” Of course, some reporters want to ask the “hard” questions like, “Bobby Joe, when you threw your 4th interception what were you thinking?” I don’t know about you, and I’m no mind reader, but I can tell you what they were thinking. Good and bad. Enough explanation needed.
Well, that’s all for this week folks. Hope everyone had an enjoyable opening weekend to the football season.
And remember; make sure you support your local High School Athletics.
These are your future collegians of tomorrow.
Until next time,
I’m Harley Hanesworth
THE GAMES
Thursday September 6th
Pittsburg at Cincinnati
This Rivalry on the Ohio River is called appropriately…
“The River City Rivalry” and it’s played for the “Paddlewheel Trophy”
I could really get behind this game if they played for the “Platypus Wheel Trophy”
I don’t care who you are, that’s just fun to say…
Even if you are alone…
BEARKATS 33-14
Friday September 7th
Utah at Utah State
This instate War is called “The Battle of the Brothers”
It’s more like….
TWO UTES 34-14
St Anselm at Assumption
May I make the “assumption” that St. Anselm was that fat guy that liked squirrels?
Ok, then maybe I made the wrong assumption here…
You know what they say when you “assume” something
ASS OUT OF YOU AND ME 23-17
Saturday September 8th
Central Florida at Ohio State
The Golden Knights will be beaten to a tarnished hue in the Horseshoe…
Believe it….
BUCKEYES 38-17
Miami (FL) at Kansas State
This game has “revenge” written all over it…
Well, that and “Why?” and “Who cares”
HURRICANES 28-24
John Hopkins at Susquehanna
I used to drink beer with Johnny Hopkins behind the Woodshop in High School on Thursday afternoon..
That kid couldn’t hit the ground with his hat….
SUSIE Q 31-14
North Carolina State at Connecticut
If you are a dog lover, then this is the game for you…
WOLF PACK 24-17
New Hampshire at Minnesota
If this was a rivalry game it would’ve been called…
“The Irritating State Accent Game”
And it would be played for a complete disk selection of “Hooked on Phonics”
O’ SO very GOLDEN GOPHERS 34-17
Dickinson at Juniata
Emily Dickenson wrote some pretty catchy poetry but I don’t she can out wrestle Juanita
J LO 28-14
Tulane at Tulsa
This game will be like watching geriatric Yankees driving in Miami…
Slow and slower, with their left blinker on….
GOLDEN HURRICANES 24-10
Maryland at Temple
If you haven’t had a grand maul seizure in a while then take a look at the Maryland “away” uniforms for this game. And be sure you have your “Life Alert” bracelet on before you tune in…
Enjoy….
FIGHTING MULTI COLORED TURTLES 38-17
Penn State at Virginia
It pains me to watch this once mighty program crushed to death by the NCAA…
CAVALIERS 28-17
Harding at North Alabama
I thought Jimmie Harding owned the retread tire store outside of Ozark Alabama?
I can’t believe he made enough money to start his own college…
MIGHTY FLORENCE LIONS 38-24
Auburn at Mississippi State
You know a game is going to be a fight when it features “Cats and Dogs”
BULLY 24-21
East Carolina at South Carolina
The Pirates get grounded in Columbia…
Shiver me timbers…
(Sorry, that’s the only pirate impression I have)
GAMECOCKS 24-10
Ball State at Clemson
Have you ever seen the way a cat looks at a canary?
Yeah, this game is like that
DABO’S TIGERS 43-10
Maine at Boston College
There is one thing you can count on in this game….
Everybody there is going to talk funny
CHESTNUT HILL EAGLES 38-10
Southern Illinois at Miami (OH)
There was a time I might have really cared about this game…
But this isn’t the time
REDHAWKS 24-23
West Alabama at Samford
Most people feel like Sam’s Ford won’t have any problem with West Alabama…
I’m not most people..
WEST TIGERS 24-21
Austin Peed at Virginia Tech
If Austin hasn’t peed his pants yet…
He will when he see’s those VPI Boys come out of the tunnel in Blacksburg……
HOKEY POKEY 43-0
Worcester State at Worcester Tech
You would think that the people that invented Worchester Sauce, which is quite tasty by the way…
Wouldn’t have the need to have two Universities…
But I have a sneaking suspicion this is a rivalry between the two sauce schools…
GOOD ON BURGERS 23-21
Southern Utah at California
Don’t be surprised if the Thunderbirds of Utah drop the “Not So Golden” Bears…
DA BEARS 10-6
Sacramento State at Colorado
The State Hornets gets stampeded by a Wynonna Judd Look-a-like in Boulder…
It’s going to be uglier than it sounds…
WYNONNA BUFFALO’S 33-14
Arkansas Monticello at Northwestern State
The Demon’s of State will get converted by a swarm of feisty Boll Weevils
Believe it
BOLL WEEVILS 33-31
North Carolina at Wake Forest
This old time battle on Tobacco Road is full of hate, animosity and bitter feelings…
In other words…
It’s like a country Family Reunion but without the deviled eggs and potato salad…
TAR HEELS 34-17
Weber State at Brigham Young
I think it’s wonderful that my favorite outdoor grill company has their own college
But those boys can’t play football…
COUGARS 41-0
Eastern Washington at Washington State
The Eagles downed the Ida-Honkeys last week in a mild upset…
They will be ready for the Mad Pirates Cats…
COUGARS 28-21
Southern California at Syracuse
Wow, another tough out of conference foe for the “mighty” Trojans…
Next week the Trojans take on the Herbert C. Hoover Barber College…
LAME TROJANS 53-10
Western Kentucky at Alabama
Three words for you….
“ROLL TIDE ROLL!”
CRIMSON TIDE 43-10
Air Force at Michigan
The Wolverines better not take the Air Force lightly or they will get Bombed
WOLVERINES 34-17
Cowan at VMI
I don’t know about the Cow Man, although I am curious what their mascot looks like..
But I have to pull for the Boys from VMI.
KEYDETS 21-17
Colorado Mines at South Dakota Mines
You can say whatever you want….
But there will be a lot of Mimes in this game….
SEE ROCK CITY 28-24
Michigan State at Central Michigan
Question….
How many Chippewa’s’ does it take to tackle a 240 pound running back?
We may never know the answer to that…
GO TELL THE SPARTANS 38-14
Florida at Texas A&M
Believe it or not the Mighty Gators are 21 ½ point underdogs for this game….
Here is what I think about that..
MIGHTY GATORS 28-21
Missouri State at Louisville
The Folks from Missouri State are known as the “Bears”
Not to be confused with the Ole Miss Rebel “Black Bear” mascot…
I hope that clears up any misunderstanding…
STRONGER CARDINALS 38-10
Purdue at Notre Dame
This rivalry within the Hoosier State is played for the coveted…
“Shillelagh Trophy”
Which actually looks like a petrified Giraffe Turd on a pedestal…
See for yourself…
FIGHTING IRISH 28-24
Indiana at Massachusetts
The Hoosiers has a chance to match their longest winning streak in a decade…
(Yes, that would be two games)
I think they will…
HOOSIER YOUR DADDY 33-28
Iowa State at Iowa
This bitter instate rivalry in the Heartland of America is played for the “Cy-Hawk Trophy”
The trophy looks like a 3-D Version of a bad Gumby and Pokey episode…
HAWKEYES 24-23
Rice at Kansas
This game will be like watching two homeless guys fighting over a quart of malt liquor..
At first it’s kind of funny and then it’s just sad..
JAY’S HAWKS 24-10
Lewis and Clark at Claremont
How can you not pull for a University named after Lewis and Clark?
My point exactly…
THE PIONEERS 24-17
Trine at Elmhurst
I’m Trine to pick a winner in this game but it’s going to be close…
THUNDER ROLLS 24-17
South Florida at Nevada
This game is going to be close…..
Really close…
WOLFPACK 28-24
Wisconsin at Oregon State
I never underestimate the Power of the Beaver
This one has the potential to be closer than you might think…
CHEESE WHIZ 31-28
Georgia State at Tennessee
This game is going to be uglier than a pack of Booger Sausage….
VOWELS 63-0
Toledo at Wyoming
Here is an unrelated bit of interesting trivia..
In Toledo Ohio the term “backhoe” doesn’t have anything to do with heavy equipment
Who Knew?
MY HERO’S HAVE ALWAYS BEEN COWBOYS 28-14
St Olaf at DePauw
I always thought it was called “Declaw”?
OLIES 28-24
Savannah State at Florida State
I will take back what I said about the Georgia State – Tennessee game…
This game is going to be uglier than a pack of Booger Sausage….
JUMBO’S NOLES 137-0
Akron at Florida International
I don’t care and neither should you…
BOWDEN’S ZIPPERS 28-24
Ouachita Baptist at Stillman
Be Still Man, there won’t be any Dancing around the Ouachita Baptist!
O’CHITA BAPTIST 24-20
Fresno State at Oregon
WARNING! The Ducks “new” uniforms are the leading cause of blindness in America and although I do not have any scientific research to support this theory, I also believe prolonged looking at their uniforms also cause diarrhea and dizziness.
QUACKERS 53-24
Washington at LSU
The Huskies of Washington are good this year….
And by “good” I mean “good” by the standards of the PAC Two, little Ten Conference…
Not the Southeastern Conference..
HEY FIGHTN’ TIGERS 34-10
Delta State at Elizabeth City State
“Delta Dawn what’s that flower you have on?”
It’s not a flower, its okra stupid…
FIGHTING OKRA 38-24
Florida A&M at Oklahoma
Oh Yeah this one will be close…
Not…
BOOMER SOONERS 53-0
Arkansas at Louisiana Monroe
Monroe should have read the fine print when he scheduled this game…
This isn’t a “Greased Pig Contest” at the county fair…
It’s a Razorback Ass Whipping…
Enjoy…
RAZORBACKS 43-10
Grambling State at Texas Christian
I will always think of the Mighty Tigers as “Coach Rob’s Tigers”
I just wanted to get that in….
HORNED FROGS 41-10
North Dakota State at Colorado State
The Rams upset the Colorado Buffalo’s last week ..
Just like I said they would
The Bison’s are Next…
RAM TOUGH 33-31
Presbyterian at Georgia Tech
I wish the Blue Ho’s would change their ways….
But this Trip to Hot-Lanta will only make things worse
YELLOW JACKETS 43-10
UTEP at Ole Miss
Listen Closely….
The University of Texas El Paso team is called the “Miners” and they have a “Miner” (not Minor) as a mascot, the Ole Miss team is known as the “Rebels” but have a “Black Bear” as a mascot.
I hope this helps eliminate any confusion you may have watching the game
You’re Welcome
MIGHTY MINERS 24-21
Idaho at Bowling Green
I knew a girl that went to Bowling Green once….
She had a head like a chipmunk and teeth like a horse…
Imagine my surprise when I found out they were called the “Falcons” and not the “Horse Mouth Chipmunks”. Life is full of surprises, you know what I mean?
HORSE FACE CHIPMUNK FALCONS 28-24
New Mexico State at Ohio
Never attempt to give a Bobcat an enema; Lasso Larry should know that by now…
Leave that to the trained professionals
FRANK’S BOBCATS 28-17
Texas Southern at North Texas
Southern won’t win this game but….
The”Motion of the Ocean Soul Band” is not to be missed…
MEAN GREEN 33-17
Western Carolina at Marshall
The Thundering Herd was embarrassed last Saturday by the Mountaineers…
Huntington Pride is at stake here…
WE ARE MARSHALL 31-28
Texas Tech at Texas State
If the Red Raiders underestimate the Bobcats….
They will limp back to Buddy Holly Country looking for a Head Football Coach….
GET THOSE GUNS UP RED RAIDERS! 28-24
Memphis at Arkansas State
If Elvis’ Tigers couldn’t beat Tennessee Martin last week..
I doubt they can beat the Red Wolves in Jonesboro
RED WOLVES 33-17
Florida Atlantic at Middle Tennessee State
If Hooters would sponsor the Owls of Florida Atlantic it would be glorious…
But then again….
I support whatever in the hell it is they are supporting…
It’s how I roll…
HOOTERS 24-17
Louisiana Lafayette at Troy
Go ahead and say it the way they do in Lafayette….
“U LA LA! U LA LA!”
Well Troy ain’t laughing…
MEN OF TROY 31-24
Nebraska at UCLA
The Black Shirts of Nebraska has a lot to lose in this game
They better not take the Bruins for granted…
CHILDREN OF THE CORN 35-21
Army at San Diego State
The West Point Football Team is the main reason these damn idiots around the world are under the misguided impression that they can whip our ass. There I said it…
ANCIENT AZTECS 21-17
Kent State at Kentucky
WOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOO!
The Wildcats will celebrate the First of their Two wins this season!
Enjoy it wildcat fans…
BLUE CATS 28-24
Georgia at Missouri
The first ever game for the Mighty Tigers of Missouri in the Southeastern Conference
This game has been sold out for a month and a half….
Welcome to the SEC
HUNKER DOWN BIG DAWGS 31-17
New Mexico at Texas
The Lobo’s get beat down like a Hobo with a Yo-Yo in Soho…
Ok, I ran out of rhymes with that one but you get the point…
MIGHTY LONGHORNS 34-10
Merchant Marine at Coast Guard
I have been getting letters over the off season about…
“You should showcase the “other” military academy; the Coast Guard Academy!”
Ok….
Just because they have snappy uniforms doesn’t make them in the military….
The conductor on an Amtrak train has a uniform too and he isn’t in the military..
They are under the Department of Transportation, NOT Department of Defense
POST COASTIES 21-17
Vanderbilt at Northwestern
These Commodores are for real and I believe it
FRANKLIN’S DORES 24-17
Louisiana Tech at Houston
Hurricane Isaac washed out the Bulldogs game last week….
And the Cougars got owned by the Bobcats…
This one will be interesting
BULLDOGS 31-28
Stephen F. Austin at Southern Methodist
My poor Ponies were surprised last week by the rejuvenated Baylor Bears….
They will be ready for Stephen…
MIGHTY MUSTANGS 31-24
Northern Arizona at UNLV
The Rebels better start Running in Vegas….
The Lumberjacks are coming…
LUMBERJACKS 24-20
Oklahoma State at Arizona
The game will have a “new” sponsorship thanks to none other than Mrs. Rich Rod!
It seems pictures have been circulating the web of Mrs. Rich Rod wearing sandals to the Wildcats practice and her feet have been described as being shaped like a “monkey wrench”.
Congratulations on getting “Mister Good Wrench” as a new sponsor of the Wildcats!
COWBOY UP! 53-10
Duke at Stanford
If this was a Spelling Bee it might actually be exciting to watch…
It isn’t, so I won’t Bee….
CARDINAL 17-10
Illinois at Arizona State
This will be the very best game on television at two o’clock Sunday Morning on TBS….
Believe it
SUN DEVILS 38-17
Enjoy your games…
RTR
THE CFB WIZARD