College Football Picks Week 14

December 1, 2011
By

Ladies and Gentlemen –

Before we come to the end of the 2011 College Football Season next week, we have some Bedlam in Oklahoma and a Farmageddon (No, I didn’t make that up)…
And we have a few Conference Championships to discuss.

But who am I kidding?

All eyes are on the Southeastern Conference (again)

Will the Mighty LSU Tigers and the Alabama Crimson Tide play for it all?

Or will the Georgia Bulldogs “Hunker Down One More Time” and knock off the Bayou Bengals

We have more than a few things to discuss, so let’s get to it

Enjoy your Picks…..

POST IRON BOWL REPLAY

In a fierce rivalry week, when anything can happen….
Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator was an “astounding” 46 and 8 or 85%.
(Please feel free to applaud at any time)

That leaves the CFB Wizard at 681 and 188 or holding steady at 78% for the 2011 season.

And as you might have guessed I have a couple of comments about “one” game in particular.
The Iron Bowl

To my great Auburn Alumni Veterinarians who have been so kind to my wonderful four legged family members and to my friends who are Auburn Alumni, I will shake your hand and tell you the same thing I say every year regardless of the score or the outcome of the game;
“Good game, see you next year”

To the mentally challenged Auburn Fans who sent me 483 rude and nasty emails after last year’s Iron Bowl and continued to send me taunting letters throughout the year, I have this to say to you: As the last strands of toilet paper drift from the dying shrubs of Tombstone Corner, I can’t help but notice that you all are quieter than a mime convention, but just not as entertaining.

Thanks for sending me that picture dumbass….
And one other comment…
It Hurts, don’t it?
“Good game, see you next year”

EMAIL QUESTIONS OF THE WEEK

Q: Dear Wizard Man –
I am mad as hell!
My Buddy done come over to the house and TOLD me he saw on them National Geographic television satellite that Elks have sex like 10 to 15 times a day this time of the year!
And wouldn’t you know it I just joined the VFW last week!
What do you think I should do?

Cory – Conway, Arkansas

A: Cory have you considered AMVETS?

Q: Dear Sir –
My family and I moved to the State of Alabama last year and we are “new” to the Alabama – Auburn Rivalry, and I have a question that I hope you can help me with.

I also teach Sunday school to some young children ages 6 thru 8 and they were asking me last Sunday why so many people were happy that the Crimson Tide won the Iron Bowl.
Being new to this intense rivalry…
I hope you can give me an answer to satisfy these young impressionable minds.
Thank you

Joshua – Northport, Alabama

A: In Biblical terms Joshua, the resounding Victory by the Mighty Crimson Tide in the Iron Bowl means, that Jesus has put Satan back in the pit at least for another year.

Amen….

Q: Dear Mr. CFB Wizard –

My family and I traveled to see our first college football game this past weekend to watch the University of Tennessee take on the University of Kentucky in Lexington.

And I have a strange question that I hope you can answer for me.
My family and I noticed as we drove through the Commonwealth of Kentucky that nearly all the vehicles only had one functioning headlight, is there a reason for that phenomenon?

Thank you

PS: We really enjoy your website!

The Kirkland Family – Hamilton, Ohio

A: Thank you for the kind compliment Kirkland family, I greatly appreciate it.
The reason for this phenomenon is actually quite simply.
It is required by Federal law that all vehicles sold or purchased within the Commonwealth of Kentucky and within the State of West Virginia cannot leave the car lot without having “one” headlight disabled or otherwise “knocked out”. This law is also applicable in east Tennessee, southern Alabama, Arkansas and parts of Mississippi.

Q: Dear Mister Wizard –

What is your opinion about the nauseating out pouring of love from the national sports “media” concerning the year long push to give Stanford’s Andrew Luck the Heisman Trophy?

Thanks –

Gary – Memphis, Tennessee

A: Thank you for the email Gary.
Most people don’t know this about me, but I Love Christmas lights.
And one of the reasons I love them is because, Christmas Lights remind me of the national sports “media”
They all hang together, half of them don’t work and the one’s that do still aren’t too bright.

COLLEGE FOOTBALL NEWS

FLORIDA: I know Gator Fans…..
He said he just wanted some “personal space” and that he wouldn’t date “other” people.
Then you have to find out he went and married a damn Yankee this week.
It’s going to be alright, just get a gallon of Ice Cream and watch “Gone with the Wind”
You will be fine

TEXAS: The Mighty Longhorns ended the Lone Star Showdown as the good Lord intended….
I couldn’t have been prouder…

TENNESSEE: As I have written in past articles….
The worst referee in Southeastern Conference History; Penn Wagers has changed games and seasons with his many (many) controversial calls. The list is endless…

So without rubbing salt in last week’s wound I have this to say…
“Sometimes Penn gives and sometimes Penn takes away”

That WAS a Kentucky fumble at the ten yard line and you all did win the game.

VANDERBILT: All the sports media talking heads are gibbering about “who should be the Coach of the Year in the Southeastern Conference”
I will tell you who it is….Coach Franklin of Vanderbilt
Congratulations to the Commodores for being Bowl eligible this year

MISSISSIPPI STATE: Houston left Mississippi with Egg on his face….
Great Win Bulldogs and Congratulations

COLORADO: Armageddon is right around the corner; prepare yourself for the end of the world.
The Buffalo’s won their first “away” since World War I……

GEORGIA: The Mighty Bulldogs made the Conference Championship game, just like I said they would.
No need to thank me, it’s how I roll.

SOUTHEASTERN CONFERENCE: The College Sports dominance of this conference…
Makes me believe if the SEC would have been in charge of the War in Iraq and Afghanistan…
The war would have been over in three months and the Taliban would have finished with a worse record than Ole Miss.
Believe it

COACH’S CAROUSEL: Queue the Circus Music…..

UCLA…Ohio State…Ole Miss…Illinois…..Kansas….Washington State and the list grows…
The Hiring and firing isn’t over yet, not by a long shot…

More on this story as the Carousel turns…

WASHINGTON STATE: The Cougars hired “The Mad Pirate” in Mike Leach
It’s a great hire, and as my brothers in the Navy like to say…

“Stand by for heavy rolls”

OHIO STATE: If you think a little “Urban Renewal” is going to be the end of your problems
Think again

THE GAMES

Thursday December 1st

West Virginia at South Florida
The Mountaineers are a dangerous football team when the sun goes down and that’s…
No Bull
Light those Couches!
MOUNTAINEERS 28-17

Friday December 2nd

Ohio at Northern Illinois
This Championship game for the “something or another” Conference
Should be a Good one….
FRANKS CATS 34-31

UCLA at Oregon
Is this the Championship game of the PAC “whatever it’s called”?
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!
Seriously, it really is the “Championship game”?
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
QUACKS 53-17

Saturday December 3rd

Syracuse at Pittsburgh
I’m really sorry I can’t stop laughing about the Pacific Athletic Championship game…
PANTHERS 21-17

Connecticut at Cincinnati
Ok in all fairness to the participants in this game, I really can’t stop giggling about the PAC something “Championship” game, it’s just too damn funny.
BEARKATS 34-17

The 2nd Round of the Division II Playoffs
Delta State and North Greenville
I think by now you all know I’m all about Okra…..
Except for Okra Winfrey, I think she is a damn idiot
FIGHTING OKRA 38-34

Iowa State at Kansas State
They call this game “Farmageddon”
It’s like Armageddon except with tractors and combines…..
WILDCATS 21-17

Troy at Arkansas State
In years past the Men of Troy have seemingly always had the Red Wolves number..
Not this year…
RED WOLVES 28-14

New Mexico at Boise State
I remember reading something from the Folks at Famous Potatoes State about….
“The teams in the Southeastern Conference don’t ever play anybody of note…”
SOoooooooooooo The Low Blows of New Mexico are a real powerhouse?
Idiots…
BRONCOS 92-0

Brigham Young at Hawaii
Dog the Bounty Hunter is on Christmas vacation or I would feel differently about this game.
Please, do not judge me or question my methods.
It’s a process, never mind…
COUGARS 34-24

Old Dominion at Georgia Southern
The First Round of the Playoffs….
After watching the Mighty Eagles attack the Crimson Tide two weeks ago…
I am going with…
SOUTHERN EAGLES 34-17

Wyoming at Colorado State
They call this game “The Border War” and it’s played for the “Bronze Boot”
I think the Cowboys are going to get the Boot in this one…
RAM TOUGH 31-17

Central Arkansas at Montana
Another Playoff Game and it’s played in the Sunny confines of Big Sky Country
And by “Sunny” I mean 10 degrees below zero….
THE GRIZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ 33-10

UNLV at Texas Christian
In this game, I have “two words” for you that will help simplify this entire contest
HORNED FROGS 43-17

Idaho at Nevada
The “Ida Honkies” make the trip to the Land of Roulette Wheels and Broken Dreams
And as a side note, it’s not the first time an group of “Ida Honkies” left that state disappointed
WOLF PACK 43-17

New Hampshire at Montana State
Ahhhh Another Playoff Game played in the warmth of Big Sky Country
I did mention that it’s going to be 10 degrees below zero in Montana this weekend didn’t I?
BOBCATS 28-17

Utah State at New Mexico State
There is a lot of Agriculture to be had in this game….
I am going out on a limb in this one, but I am feeling really confident
AGGIES 28-24

Fresno State at San Diego State
I received an email this week that said this game was “really” important
Sadly, the email didn’t give any other details, so I really don’t care
ANCIENT AZTECS 31-28

Texas at Baylor
I know the Bears are heavily favored in this game..
But I am incapable of picking against the Longhorns; it’s against my DNA
MIGHTY LONGHORNS 31-28

Middle Tennessee State at North Texas
Blue Raiders and Green that’s Mean….
There are far too many colors in this game for a colored blind guy like myself
MEAN GREEN 33-28

James Madison at North Dakota State
If you think Montana is cold this time of year, then you should visit North Dakota…
That cold wind strips everything off the surface of the earth there..
You don’t think so?
Then why is their State Tree a Telephone Pole?
THUNDERING BISON 21-17

Southern Miss at Houston
The Championship Game of Conference USA
I think the Mighty Cougars will remain undefeated, but not by much
COUGARS 28-24

Virginia Tech at Clemson
The Atlantic Coast Conference Championship Game
I still believe in the power of Howard’s Rock
DABO’S TIGERS 31-28

Oklahoma at Oklahoma State
The Bedlam Game for the Bedlam Bell
This game has been hyped for weeks and it won’t disappoint
BOOMER SOONERS 38-34

Wisconsin at Michigan State
The Championship Game for The Big Ten (Something or Another) Conference
These two teams met earlier in the season and the Cheese Loving Badgers fell to the Mighty Men of Sparta, go ahead and hit rewind and then enjoy in the instant replay
MIGHTY MEN OF SPARTA 28-24

Georgia at LSU
The BIG One
The Georgia Dome
The Southeastern Conference Championship Game
It’s going to be a dandy
HEY FIGHTN’ TIGERS 24-17

Enjoy Your Games….

RTR

THE CFB WIZARD

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4 Responses to College Football Picks Week 14

  1. Kaye on December 2, 2011 at 8:33 pm

    Thanks for another great season. ROLL TIDE ROLL

  2. Bulldog Jim on December 6, 2011 at 10:23 pm

    BAMA Mike, Thank you for another great year of sharing insights, trivia, laughs and love for all your readers. I was not as active as I usually am, but still appreciate all your hard work. Your Brother, Jim (BJ) I am looking forward to the “Big-Big Game.) ROLL TIDE ROLL!!

  3. MEB on December 29, 2011 at 8:24 pm

    Thank you my Friend and God Bless you and your beautiful family

    RTR

    THE WIZARD

  4. MEB on December 29, 2011 at 8:25 pm

    ROLL TIDE ROLL Miss Kaye

    RTR
    THE WIZARD

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