College Football Picks Week 11 USMC Edition

November 10, 2010
By

Ladies and Gentlemen –

Your Week 11 Picks are out a day early in Honor of the Marine Corps 235th Birthday
And Veterans Day…

To all my Marine Brothers and Sisters across the globe….
I want to wish you a Happy 235th Birthday…..
And never forget we Marines aren’t in the “military” as some would have you to believe…
We are a cult..
That oddly enough does not believe in putting your hands in your pockets.

Thursday is also Veterans Day, as well as the Birthday of one of the Greatest American General’s of the 20th Century, General George S. Patton Jr.

EDITORS NOTE: I bet my Army brothers are surprised I knew that…
It’s because as you may have guessed I am a storehouse for “Strange Facts Known by Few”

And as a side note….
Don’t “Thank a veteran for their service”…
It makes us sound like we are waiters or waitresses at Shoney’s.
Take the time to thank them for your freedom
That precious gift given to citizens of a free country…
Through the blood and sacrifice of their warriors..

Enjoy Your Picks…

PRE-GAME WARM UP

Before we get into the statistics of Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator…
I want to point out a couple of issues…..

I finally pick Syracuse to “win” and they lose….

I finally pick UAB to “win” and they lose…..

EDITORS NOTE: I am going to try the same tactic with Texas in the coming weeks..
And “NO” I do not want to talk about my beloved Longhorns game last week….

And lastly…..
To my LSU Tiger faithful you may have noticed…
That I picked the score of the game with Alabama correctly but with the opposite results.
It was because I was feeling particularly dyslexic that day.
Great Win Fightn’ Tigers…

To my adopted and much loved Clemson Family….
Did I not tell you to “Believe”?
No need to thank me…

With all that being said…..
I was a much improved 45 and 13 or 78% on week 10 of college football.
That leaves us at 458 and 110 for the season or 81% after ten full weeks of college football.
Not too bad, all things considered….

EMAIL LETTER OF THE WEEK

Q: Dear Mister Wizard
I got me a question I hope you can a help with.
My wife (Fawn Marie) has been a wanting some of them breasts implants..
So we go shopping down to the Wal-Mart and find us some near the automotive section.
They wasn’t bad, but they wasn’t all that good neither, if you know what I mean.
Well here is where the problem started.

We ain’t got the insurance from the Government yet, so we had to have my wife’s cousin who is a taxidermist install them on her. And at first them things looked just alright, but before you know’d it them things looked cockeyed as Tennessee Coach Derek Dooley!
So I got to thinking…..

Do you think that’s why Coach Dooley get’s confused on the number of players on the football field cause he’s a seeing double? What do you think?
Johnny – Dunlap, Tennessee

A: I think this is perhaps the most disturbing email I have received to date….
But I have to admit you may be on to something with Coach Dooley…

A VETERANS DAY MESSAGE
FROM SKILLET WILSON

“I was in the big one, they call it World War Two, but some peoples call it W-W 2…
And I remember landing at D-Day in Normandy France like it was yesterday…..
It was June 6th 1944….
It was cold too man! So me and my machine gunner “Ennis”; but I call him Pancake cause that boy could put down the pancakes! Anyway, so we get off that cold ass landing craft and the damn Japanese were all over the damn place! Running around a Banzi-ing one another!
It was about the damn’dist thing I ever seen!”

“If you don’t believe me, I got one question for you…”

“Wuz you there?”

“Cause if you wasn’t….”

“Then you need to shut the hell up and let me finish telling my damn story….”

EDITORS NOTES: Due to time constraints….
I had to cut Mr. Skillet Wilson off and move on with the picks or you would have been reading his “story” until Sunday afternoon.

THE PICKS

Thursday November 11th

Pittsburgh at Connecticut
Big Cats and Big Dogs in this one…
I’m going with the boys from Iron City Beer…
PANTHERS 28-24

East Carolina at UAB
This game is at Legion Field in Birmingham..
The sign at the stadium says, “The Football Capital of the South”
That is good enough for me…
BLAZERS 43-38

Friday November 12th

Boise State at Idaho
A “tough” instate rivalry is on tap for “Prime Time Friday Night….”
It’s called the “Boise State – Idaho Rivalry” and it’s played for the Governors Cup
I think the Trophy looks like a Potato
BRONCOS 113-3

Saturday November 13th

Southern Miss at Central Florida
I know my boys from Hattiesburg have taken it on the chin as of late….
But I have faith in this one…
GOLDEN EAGLES 41-38

Boston College at Duke
I don’t know what’s gotten into the Blue Devils lately…
But the Eagles will put them in their place
CHESTNUT HILL EAGLES 33-28

Shippensburg at Mercyhurst
It’s against FCC Rules for Lou Holtz to say the names of these teams in succession…
MERCY ME 23-17

Minnesota at Illinois
Here we go again in the Big Ten…
Yet another rivalry of sorts and another “trophy” to play for….
This game is played each year for the “Petrified Tyrannosaurus Turd of Tecumseh”
You have to hand it to those Yankees…
They can make a “trophy” out of damn near anything
FIGHTING PUMPKINS 43-17

Salisbury at Frostburg State
This is my kind of game…..
With a Salisbury Steak and a Frosty Mug of my favorite beverage..
I got so hungry I forgot where I was going with this one..
STEAK and SHAKE 24-17

Robert Morris at Bryant
I didn’t know Coach Bryant had a college named after him….
Bob’s going to get his ass whipped..
BEARS 38-17

Miami at Georgia Tech
This game will depend upon which team or teams decide to show up…
HURRICANES 24-21

Iowa at Northwestern
As you have probably figured out by now….
Every Big Ten game revolves around a rivalry and a trophy
This game is no different…
These teams play for the “Bespeckled Beef Stick of Victory”
I understand it looks eerily similar to the “Petrified Tyrannosaurus Turd of Tecumseh”
EYES of HAWK 33-28

Dickenson at Ursinus
Miss Emily Dickenson better hope she doesn’t get a Ursinus infection…
I hear she has allergies
ALLERGIES U 23-17

Michigan at Purdue
I would like to take this opportunity to make a correction:
I have stated in past articles that Michigan Coach Rod’s wife “Rita” looks like a ten dollar hooker..
That is incorrect and false and I deeply apologize.
With the falling economy she looks like a three dollar hooker, tops.
I hope that cleared up any misunderstanding.
WOLVERINES 34-24

Indiana at Wisconsin
Once again we find ourselves playing for another “trophy” in the Big Ten
This game is played annually for the “Tusk of Cheese Meat”
And once again….
I understand it looks very similar to the “Petrified Tyrannosaurus Turd of Tecumseh”
I am starting to sense a trend here..
THE POWER OF CHEESE 34-21

Princeton at Yale
This is a really BIG game in the Ivy League…
And Nobody cares….
Seriously nobody cares…

South Florida at Louisville
I was wrong about the Stronger Cardinals last week….
I won’t make the same mistake this week..
STRONGS CARDINALS 31-24

Ole Miss at Tennessee
This weekend Hootie Snitch comes down from the Baneberry water tower…
The Volunteers get their first conference victory of the season…
Believe it
VOWELS 33-17

Vanderbilt at Kentucky
The Cats become Bowl eligible Saturday…
And that’s No Joke…
JOKERS CATS 31-17

Cincinnati at West Virginia
The folks in West “By God” Virginia know a thing or two about taming wild animals..
Even Cats of Bears…
Light those Couches!
MOUNTAINEERS 34-17

Dayton at Marist
Flyers and Foxes in this one….
Sounds like a typical party at any aviator’s house anywhere in the country
I love those guys…
RED FOXES 24-21

Kansas State at Missouri
MO knows there is more than one way to skin a cat….
Even if it’s a wildcat…
MO’S TIGERS 33-24

Indiana State at Youngstown State
I really don’t understand the people from Indiana State…
What is so scary about naming your team the “Sycamores”?
Run everybody! I see a TREE!
I don’t get it….
PENGUINS 43-10

Liberty at Coastal Carolina
Flamers and Chanticleers….
Sounds like a party at Kenny Chesney’s house…
CHANTICLEERS 24-17

St Francis at Duquesne
They call Francis the “Red Flash”..
He ought to be ashamed of himself…
DUKES 31-17

Presbyterian at Charleston Southern
Pirates and Blue Ho’s…..
That doesn’t sound a Disney movie to me….
BUCCANEERS 33-31

Iowa State at Colorado
I want to clear up an ugly rumor concerning the Buffalo Football program….
Wynonna Judd will NOT be running on to the field in place of “Ralphie” this Saturday
I understand the University of Colorado doesn’t have a trailer big enough to haul her…
CYCLONES 38-34

Samford at Chattanooga
Every time I see “Samford” the theme from “Samford and Son” get’s in my head..
It’s terribly annoying…
MIGHTY MOCS 34-28

Army at Kent State
West Point has produced some of the finest warriors in our countries history
Kent State on the other hand…
Has produced some of the dumbest war protestors in our countries history…
This close to Patton’s Birthday the boys from West Point better win….
BLACK KNIGHTS OF THE HUDSON 33-24

Wake Forest at North Carolina State
The Demon of Deacons gets an exorcism at the hands of a Pack of Wolves…
Or should I have said Paws?
You get the picture…
PACK of WOLVES 34-17

Brigham Young at Colorado State
The Rams have been something less than “Ram Tough” as of late…
So this one is easy..
COUGARS 43-17

Utah at Notre Dame
Two Utes traps a leprechaun under a golden gnome…..
Film at Eleven..
TWO UTES 38-17

Memphis at Marshall
This game is played the day before the anniversary of the Marshall Plane crash…
It took place on 14 November 1970…
I believe in the Herd…
WE ARE MARSHALL 34-24

Central Michigan at Navy
I have finally broken the code on what “Chippewa’s” actually means…
It’s when Ponch and Jon would be confused on CHIPS….
As in: “CHIP a wha?”
MIDSHIPMEN 43-17

Maryland at Virginia
These two teams confuse me….
You never know who you are going to get from week to week…
So this one is a toss-up…
TURTLE-MEN 28-24

Virginia Tech at North Carolina
Call me crazy if you want too….
It’s nothing I haven’t heard from Mental Health Professionals
UPSET SPECIAL!
HOKEY POKEY 31-28

Syracuse at Rutgers
I am willing to continue my experiment in “reverse prognostication”
OTTO the ORANGE 31-24

Penn State at Ohio State
This game could easily qualify as “abuse of the elderly”
Poor Joe Pa….
BUCKEYES 43-17

Rice at Tulane
These two teams are like so many others….
One week they look like Champions and the next week they look like Chumps…
It’s gamble to pick them, but that’s why you love me…
MY FAVORITE PUDDING 28-24

Muhlenberg at Moravian
I have a question….
If you live in Moravian, does that make you a Moron or Moravianian?
I’m just asking…
MULE GIRL 24-21

Georgia at Auburn
This game is “The Deep South’s Oldest Rivalry”
Normally this game is closer than a Gillette Four Blade Shave….
But not this year…
WAR DAMN EAGLE 38-17

Washington State at Oregon State
Someone wrote me the other week if I would “shave points on the beavers”..
There are so many things I could write about that..
But this is a family column.
MIGHTY BEAVERS 34-17

San Diego State at Texas Christian
The Ancient Aztecs should have sacrificed frogs instead of human beings…
They might have fared better here..
HORNED FROGS 48-10

New Mexico at Air Force
Isn’t there a bombing range in New Mexico?
I thought so….
MIGHTY FALCONS 43-24

Texas A&M at Baylor
This old Southwest Conference Rivalry is called…
“The Battle of the Brazos”
I say this about that….
GIG EM AGGIES 33-28

UTEP at Arkansas
Before the Miners hear..” O’ Say can you see..”
They will be two touchdowns behind..
HAWGS 48-17

Louisiana Monroe at LSU
Poor ole Monroe gets’s eaten by a Tiger….
Don’t let the children watch..
FIGHTN TIGERS 43-17

Carson Newman at Tusculum
I find it disturbing that Coach Spark’s boys have to play a pesky lung disease
SPARKS EAGLES 38-24

South Carolina at Florida
Coach Steve has an unwelcome homecoming to the swamp….
MIGHTY GATORS 28-21

Mississippi State at Alabama
There is going to be a Tussle in T-Town on Saturday Night
and it will be close…
CRIMSON TIDE 24-21

Oregon at California
I wish I cared, but I don’t….
QUACKERS 116-3

Stanford at Arizona State
I was going to watch this game….
But I have to re-arrange my sock drawer…
Sorry, I scheduled it months ago..
CARDINAL 33-24

Southern California at Arizona
Lame Kitten is too coaching what Siegfried and Roy are to heterosexuality…
LAME CHEATERS 6-5

Tulsa at Houston
The once Mighty Cougars are one injury short of using sock monkeys in the lineup…
GOLDEN HURRICANES 31-17

Louisiana Tech at New Mexico State
These Bulldogs are bad and not in a “good” way…
PISTOL PETE 33-17

North Alabama at Harding
The Lions of Florence will have their hands full with Harding…
Those boys are tough and this game will come down to the wire…
MIGHTY LIONS 28-24

Clemson at Florida State
This game will come down to who has the ball last….
I won’t call this an upset special either..
DABO’S TIGERS 31-28

Wyoming at UNLV
Two of the worse teams in college football meet Saturday…
But I have a question…
If at the end of four quarters and the score is tied at Zero….
Will they still have to play overtime?
I Pray not….
COWBOY UP! 3-2

Nevada at Fresno State
Bulldogs and Wolves in this one….
But make no mistake, this one is over before it starts..
PACKS of WOLVES 43-24

Oklahoma State at Texas
Now for my experiment in “reverse prognostication” as described earlier in the column
COWBOY UP! 34-24

Texas Tech at Oklahoma
The Red Raiders shocked Mo’s Tigers last week (and Myself) with a huge win…
No such luck this week…
BOOMER SOONERS 33-24

Kansas at Nebraska
Dorothy….
You damn sure aren’t in Kansas anymore…
This is Children of the Corn Country…
MIGHTY HUSKERS 34-17

Enjoy your games…..

Your Marine Corps Birthday and Veterans Day

RTR
THE CFB WIZARD

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

5 Responses to College Football Picks Week 11 USMC Edition

  1. Susan Love on November 10, 2010 at 11:12 pm

    Happy Birthday Marine Corps, Happy Veterans Day, Thank you Mr. Wizard and all veterans for our freedom, and, RTR and WPS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  2. Kaye on November 11, 2010 at 1:54 pm

    The UTES .. having a good season!

    Glad you restrained yourself on the Wash.St. vs Oregon St. post.
    Still funny.

    Roll Tide!

  3. Deke on November 11, 2010 at 8:53 pm

    We were re-telling the story of Skillet Willson just this morning at Eglin AFB. The good ole days with Scratch and Laurie at Don Carlos on Taco Tuesdays!

    Thanks my Friend!

  4. Icheer4Bama on November 12, 2010 at 9:11 pm

    Happy Birthday Mr. Wizard, from a proud Marine Corps wife, and thank you for my freedom.

    Thanks for the picks…reading them are one of the highlights of my week. 🙂

  5. Bulldog Jim on November 13, 2010 at 2:13 am

    Marine Bama Mike, Happy Birthday to all your Cult Brothers and Sisters and certainly to You. Our Marines are one of the finest groups of warriors the world has ever seen. Of course I am looking forward to State-Bama Battle tomorrow and hope it is a good one. Enjoy the game and thank you for your contribution to my weekly happiness. Your pal, BJ

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Time limit is exhausted. Please reload CAPTCHA.