February 6, 2010

Hey Yawl!

Hell yeah it’s me!

The Number Damn One Tennessee Vol Fan on the Planet!

It’s Hootie “Mad as Hell” Snitch

Hell yes I’m Mad!

You want to know why?

Cause everything done got turned upside down!!

First that damn dope smoking California Loving Coach Lame Kitten..
Done ditched us faster than a supermodel on a blind date with a one eyed midget.

Not to mention I went and done gave Lame and his whole damn Zima drinking coaching staff
“free two –for-one coupons” at Snitch’s Bar and Grill for all the Possum wings and Muskrat Nuggets they could eat.

I bet that SOB took them coupons with him when he left too!

I call that ungrateful as Hell!

Now there might be some cussing in this one, so you might not want your young’uns a reading this episode.

And if that ain’t bad enough…..

Two of my waitresses at my restaurant Snitch’s Bar and Grill….
Who just so happened to be Tennessee Hostesses for “recruiting purposes” done went and got arrested.

But I’ll get to that in a minute I ain’t done with Lame “Ass” Kitten, not by a damn sight.

The University of Tennessee done went and gave him the highest salaried staff in the whole Southeastern Conference
and the highest budget in all of damn college football to recruit football players.

Guess what he done?

Not a damn thing but almost bankrupt the athletic department!

He spent that money faster than the federal government!

The University covered up his partying with coeds off campus

We all forgave him for running his mouth and acting like a damn ass….

We turned a deaf ear when he said there weren’t no good high school football players in the state of Tennessee.
I ain’t going to lie, that one flat pissed me off.

We gave him a pass when his damn assistants acted like over age and over weight Chippendale dancers taking their shirts off to try and impress recruits.
I wasn’t going to say nothing about it….
But that was so gay I believe if Boy George drove by and saw that a going on
Even he would holler out the window “By God that IS Gay!”

We even got his recruits into our college, even when they couldn’t spell cat if you spotted them the “C” and the damn “T”

Some of them boys he recruited are dumber than a sack full of dog turds and I ain’t even joking about that.

If you think I’m a wrong
Then why in the hell would you rob somebody with all your Tennessee Football gear on in Knoxville?
Why didn’t that boy and them other football players…
Just show them people they was fixing to rob their student I D’s before they tried to car jack them?

And the University covered up his car accident too.

My Momma was the one that towed his car….
By the way yawl need to call that International Tow Truck Hall of Fame, Museum and Gift Shop and tell them to put my Momma in that Hall of Fame!

Anyway Momma said when she went to tow Lame’s car he was so drunk he couldn’t hit the ground with his hat.
She said it and my Momma don’t lie!

Remember when….
Lame said all that mess about “wanting to embrace the traditions of Tennessee” and “Singing Rocky Top all night long after we beat Florida”?

Well at least I can say he was consistent, cause he didn’t do any of those damn things.

Then after all of that….
He don’t have the common decency to have a press conference longer that a damn minute to thank us for everything we done for him?

And where did Ole Lame “Ass Kitten” go too?
He run off to the weakest college football conference in the damn country!
I know them media types slobber over them Southern California Trojans
Like people at a Weight Watchers meeting over a Nutty Buddy, but the facts is facts.

Most of them teams out west couldn’t beat Maryville Tennessee High School.

Fact is, he couldn’t compete with the Big Boys in the S-E-C and that’s how I see it.

Now that I about got that out of my system, I got one more thing to say about this subject.

Just for the record I thought those black football jerseys were dumber than hell.

Now about the arrest of my waitresses and “former” Tennessee hostesses for “recruiting purposes”…
Yawl probably heard about it, right?

Here is a what the newspaper said about it, then I will tell you the “real” facts.

JANUARY 28–Two Tennessee women who accused a man of rape have admitted to cops that they had consensually agreed to sex with him in exchange for a pack of cigarettes.
One woman told investigators that the duo filed a phony police report because they “didn’t enjoy the sex,” according to cops.
Jessica Kathleen Alexander, 18, and Tammy Nicole Ortega, 29, were arrested today for filing a false police report.

Here are the real facts, first; they never said what kind of cigarettes they was trading for?

Was it Marlboro Reds in the Box?
Because that changes “everything”, know what I mean?
Because I know for a fact, them girls don’t smoke no generic brand.

Second the police should take them girls word for what happened
Because of them being University of Tennessee hostesses “for recruiting purposes”.

And thirdly, why does everybody want to pick on the good looking women?
I will tell you why, damn jealousy that’s why!
I am willing to bet the keys to Snitch’s Bar and Grill…
That this whole damn thing is driven by jealousy cause these gals are so damn good looking.

If they wasn’t good looking, then why was they University of Tennessee hostesses “for recruiting purposes”?

I rest my case.

Glad I could clear that up for everybody.

More later on Tennessee’s new football Coach from Snitch’s Bar and Grill.

Hootie – Out!

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  1. Kaye on February 6, 2010 at 12:41 pm

    Whoo hoo…..f-u-n-n-y

  2. Matt on February 8, 2010 at 9:30 am

    Another GREAT Hootie moment!!!!

  3. The BamePrincess on March 3, 2010 at 9:59 pm

    OMG, OMG, that is funny . . . sad and pitiful, but funny just the same. You can tell Hootie that this is one time the BamaPrincess agrees with him (but I STILL don’t want him to know where I live!). 🙂

    (working’ on 14)

    The BamaPrincess

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