Commentary on Commentators

October 12, 2009

Ladies and Gentlemen –

We have a serious problem in this country…
No, not that one, the “other” serious one….

No not that serious one, the “other” serious one…

I know this is going to bruise some feelings but this has to be addressed….
I am speaking of sports commentator’s ritual of “Inventing” words that do not exist.

Now it seems like everybody is getting on board…
Let’s face it folks….
Just because you say a word or make-up a name doesn’t make it so.
Case in Point….
Chlamydia is a sexually transmitted disease not a Swahili word for “beautiful flower”.
Say it all you want, name whoever you want that, it doesn’t change what the word really means.

Along these lines I am convinced CBS College Football Today is required to use the word “Trick-a-ration” three times an hour or they won’t get paid.
Use it all you want, guess what? It isn’t a damn word.
Same goes for the word “Fumble-roo-ski”.
Why do we have to put a polish spin on it? I don’t get it…
How about using the word “Trick Play” instead?
That phrase we understand.
Just for the record, each time I hear somebody on CBS College Football Today uses “Trick-a-ration” which in case you were wondering is used three times an hour even if the situation doesn’t warrant it, it makes my head want to pop off.

There are other words too you know what I am talking about, right?

Like “Phys-i-cal-a-ty”….
Guess what? That isn’t a damn word jackass.
A Player can be “physical” or he can demonstrate “physical play” but he doesn’t have “Phys-i-cal-a-ty”.
This is just plain stupid, but the commentators say it anyway don’t they?

Maybe this ridiculous trend all started with “American Idol”
and the glue sniffing Paula Abdul using the made up word “Mus-i-cal-a-ty”.
Which in case you were wondering isn’t a damn word, but was used by Paula in the following context; As in “His Mus-i-cal-a-ty” was so amazing, like the mus-i-cal-aty, was at the heart, you know?”

EDITORS NOTE: For full effect of the above word, please slur your words and roll your eyes while utilizing it in a sentence. It still won’t mean any damn thing; it will simply give other people watching additional elements of the absurd to laugh at..

The word “Amazing” in the above paragraph leads me to something else
The Over use of words

Everybody knows somebody that performed Mike Myers Austin Power’s imitations until you would flee in terror no matter where you saw him, church, grocery store, didn’t matter. You were out’a there…

EDITORS NOTE: For those of you that wondered why people conveniently went the other way when they saw you, I have some untimely news for you.
You were “that guy” mentioned above.

That is how I feel about over used words and the people that use them…
Sounds like the title of my next book…
Like that would be so amazing, like it was simply amazing that I even thought about it you know?
Amazing that so many idiots can only use one word to describe a single event from the launching of the space shuttle which is still “Amazing” to Jessica Simpson’s new “Amazing” shoes which are not so amazing.

But I digress let’s get back to College Football….
It is important to note that people can provide information and be helpful..
but they cannot however be “Infor-mation-al”. What the hell does that even mean?

And while we are on the topic..
For the love of God, please stop using the term “Swagger”…
As in …
“We got our swagger back….”
“They really have some swagger out there Jim…”
“Where is their Swagger today Bob?”

I would rather hear your annoying friend..
dust off his Austin Powers “O’ Behave…”imitation than hear this overused term again.

Just so we agree…
“Swagger” is a product from Old Spice..
Not a catchy term for “Confidence” and even though I wish the terms were interchangeable, they are not.

And lastly….
As if this logic wasn’t difficult enough to follow…
Sports Commentators and College Football in general use words that we all believe have a single meaning, but in reality means something entirely different..
Case in point…
Most of us know what “suspended indefinitely” or “kicked off the team” means.

But at the University of Oregon, those terms mean something entirely different…
Those words actually mean “Three weeks”…
Who Knew?

More Later in the Week…
So Stay Tuned..


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6 Responses to Commentary on Commentators

  1. MrEO on October 12, 2009 at 12:34 pm

    Loved the column as usual, still can’t figure pollsters thoughts on how U$C climbed ahead of LSU with the same record, where LSU loses to the #1 team in the country and beats Washington and U$C lost to Washington who was unranked.
    But to comment on the column Physicality is actually a word, I think they read your mind and updated when your column came out today.
    physicality – 2 dictionary results
    –noun, plural -ties. 1. the physical attributes of a person, esp. when overdeveloped or overemphasized.
    2. preoccupation with one’s body, physical needs, or appetites.
    1585–95; physical + -ity

    P.S. I think Paula updated it also because there is a mention of musicality also, go figure.

  2. BamaPrincess on October 13, 2009 at 4:01 pm

    I am soooo sick of football commentators!!! On the pro side, Chris Collingsworth has gotten so dang annoying! And CBS has the POOREST!!!! color commentators! Did I mention I was sick of hearing them?

  3. Pete U$C on October 13, 2009 at 11:05 pm

    Is it true that you once dated a girl named “Chlamydia Swagger”?


  4. MEB on October 14, 2009 at 4:39 am

    Sir, you clearly have me confused with Hootie Snitch….


  5. MEB on October 14, 2009 at 4:42 am

    I could not agree more Bama Princess….
    I cannot believe the folks they get at CBS…
    Thank God for ear plugs and the mute button..


  6. MEB on October 14, 2009 at 4:48 am

    Sir –
    Now that is some disappointing news….
    I thought after Webster’s television show was over he would have been somewhat more mature. I guess Gary Coleman was a bad influence on him after all.

    I don’t think any of us will ever understand the BCS….
    Much like we will never know why my sister-in-law is a clove footed hairy humpback wildebeest. It’s a question that cannot be answered..

    And I thank you for your kind comments…


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