Monday Morning Rewind

September 14, 2009

Ladies and Gentlemen –

This past weekend many of us experienced a variety of emotions
Fright, fear, disappointment, surprise and some elation.
And that was just during game day tailgating.

But that aside
Lets take a look back..
At our second week of College Football and answer a few of your email questions and answers.

Your Week 3 Picks will be out on Thursday..
And Hootie Snitch will have what he describes as a “Gator Special” out for you on Friday.

Enjoy your Monday Morning Rewind


WEBSTER’S DICTIONARY: If you look up “Ass Whipping” in Webster’s
It says “See Stephen F. Austin scoring 92 points against Texas College”

EDITORS NOTE: Texas College should have known better
I know enough about Texas History to know you don’t mess with Stephen F. Austin.

GEORGIA: If you saw the Georgia Bulldog – South Carolina Gamecock game between the hedges this past Saturday night you may have noticed something different on the back of the Bulldog’s helmets.

At least I hope you noticed it…..

The Bulldogs were wearing the unit insignia of Georgia’s 48th Infantry Brigade Combat Team
currently deployed to Afghanistan.

Coach Mark Richt was turned on to the idea after receiving an e-mail from a soldier stationed in Afghanistan. Lt. Col. John Gentry, who is also director of the Oconee County Parks and Recreation department, first suggested it as a way to honor the seven soldiers from the 48th brigade who have died in combat.
Coach Richt, who visited U.S. troops in Germany and the Middle East last summer, said wearing the insignia is a way to show the team’s appreciation for the troops and their families.
Coach Richt said, “Hopefully, this is a sign of our appreciation for all the men and women who are serving and for their families as well. We owe them all the support we can give,”

EDITORS NOTE: If Coach Richt isn’t a class act, then I don’t know what is..

OKLAHOMA STATE: When are you going to learn to start listening to me?
What did I tell the Cowboy’s last week?

The Cowboys had better be careful…
The Cougars are for real….

Enough said….

DIVISION III: Susquehanna at Juniata
I know I picked Juniata…..
But I had no idea that Susquehanna was wearing her pink “Baby Girl” sweat pants
That was the difference maker right there…

DIVISION III PART II: Gallaudet at Hiram
Hiram would have won this one…
But I have on good authority that the Frenchman hit Hiram when he wasn’t looking
Everything about that is just wrong

SOUTHERN METHODIST: I cannot believe that I doubted my Mighty Mustangs
I should be ashamed of myself…and I am

FLORIDA STATE: I won’t use this forum to regurgitate the on going war of words between the NCAA and Florida State University over the public disclosure of the NCAA “investigation” into athletes at the university.
But I will say this…
If we had more University Presidents in this country like Florida State University President T. K. Wetherell the NCAA wouldn’t be the dictatorship that it has become.

THE OHIO STATE: I have only two words to say to you today….
Damnnnnnnnnnnnnnn it.

EDITORS NOTE: It warmed my heart to see perhaps the greatest hitter in the history of football on the Buckeye sidelines Saturday night…
The Great Jack Tatum….
There will never be another one like you Jack….

Certainly not in “Professional Football”
Pro Football today looks more the offspring of flag football and basketball.

The AJC stated concerning the Oregon Duck Player that showed his butt on national television…
“Blount rushed for 10,002 yards last season, he will be sorely missed in Eugene.”

EDITORS NOTE: I guess he REALLY will be missed….
Because that comes out to almost a 1,000 yards a damn game!

CENTRAL MICHIGAN: This past Saturday…
The Chippewa’s Coach Butch Jones went for two points with a little over a minute left in the game with Michigan State because he didn’t want to play in overtime.
They didn’t convert….
Coach Jones called for an onside kick….
The Chippewa’s got the ball back….
They proceeded to drive down the field and kick the winning field goal as time expired.
I am convinced that Coach Jones has Ice Water in his veins..
Congratulations to Coach Jones and the Chippewa’s for an incredible victory.

WEST POINT: Seriously, you guys couldn’t beat Duke?

THE BIG TEN CONFERENCE: What the Hell guys? What the Hell….

ATLANTIC COAST CONFERENCE: Please see “The Big Ten Conference” above

COLORADO: I want to apologize to the Buffalo Faithful
I had no idea…
That since my sister-in-law is no longer the Colorado “stunt” Buffalo mascot..
It would cause the football team to fall apart. Who would have believed it?
I never thought she was that popular…

MICHIGAN: Just a comment about the Notre Dame game….
Having Coach Rod’s wife in the end zone flashing Fighting Irish players to make them drop the football and distract them; is just wrong.
It also is the leading cause of blindness in Ann Arbor.

TENNESSEE: In his first nine months on the job…
Coach Lane Kiffin came off as…
(Place favorite your description here)

After Tennessee’s season-opening blowout of Western Kentucky last weekend
Coach Lane Kiffin was down right smug.
Humility was served in Neyland Stadium on Saturday.
But I would suggest Lane Kiffin needs to save some of that humility for later.
The Volunteers play at Florida on Saturday. Be afraid.
Be very afraid.
Case in point…
Lane Kiffin’s comments are posted in every locker in Gainesville


Q: What the heck dude?
As a student at Susquehanna University I need to set you straight on our fine college.
We are a University not a Hispanic American Woman.
Same goes for your reference to another college in the northeast.
Marist is a college, not a woman. They are called the Red Foxes.
Marty – Selinsgrove, Pennsylvania

A: That’s odd…
I though Marist was a brunette?

Q: Dear Sir
Your attempt at humor in recent articles, at the expense of Native American peoples; is at the least offensive and at its worst racist.
You need to reevaluate your priorities and establish a goal on uniting people, not dividing them. Or in the words of the wisest of all Native American Shaman: Eagle Feather
“To Nack-a See O-Sa Kama Ta-na Una Kin Che-awa”
Which translated means, “A Lone Buffalo feels the loneliness of the plains”

I hope you let these words sink deep in your heart
Sincerely –
Native American Indian Federation – Durant, Oklahoma

A: Are you sure that is an accurate translation?
Because I thought it meant….
“We don’t have a blanket for a diuretic horse”

Q: Come On Mister Wizard!
Last week you picked the “Boy’s from Chili Town” in a huge upset win over Rutgers!
And we really appreciate it!
But, then you left us off the picks in week two!
What gives?
Chuck – Dayton, Ohio

A: I like everything about Cincinnati
But it’s like this Chuck….
Where is my Skyline and Goldstar Chili?
Prognostication has its price.

Q: Mister Wizerd –
What in the Sam Hill done went and a happeened?
I seen them Volunteers lose to something they call the U-C-L and A,
What the Hell is that anyways?
Sounds like the name of one of them big compainies and that ain’t right!
One week we beat everybody in the western part of Kentucky, including Paducah and then we got to play a damn corporation! That’s a like playing professionals!
But I know you is wanting to ask, Hell No I ain’t worried about no gators!
We gonna whoop their damn florida gator ass!
Now I done went an forgot my question
GO Vols!
Scooter Cooter – Twisted Branch, Tennessee

A: I am serious; you Tennessee Volunteer fans need to get “Spell Check”

Q: Mike please don’t sugar coat it.
Give it to me straight……..
Are we Oklahoma Sooners screwed without Sam Bradford at Quarterback?
Danny – Norman, Oklahoma

A: “Circle get’s the Square on that one Danny”

EDITORS NOTE: For those of you under the age of forty…
That was an affirmative answer to the question utilizing a reference from “Hollywood Squares”

Q: Mike we flew out from California for the Bruin – Volunteer game and man it was awesome! Really glad our Bruins were able to pull it out, because that was a tough place to play! But I have a question for you…
Living in Los Angeles, I am used to the smell of our smog.
But we couldn’t identify the smell in Knoxville, what was that?
Sigma Alpha Epsilon UCLA – Los Angeles, California

A: You must be referring to the smell of wet dog food and ass; it’s rather pungent this time of year in OBKnoxville.

Q: Dear Mister Wizard
After writing you last week, and with your encouragement, I have decided to follow my dream.
I am now in the process of becoming the best Kenny Rogers impersonator in the tri-state area. I
f you closed your eyes while I sing “Islands in the Stream” (I do both Kenny and Dolly’s parts thanks to an unfortunate weed-eater accident) you would swear you were listening to the man himself!
So thank you for the encouragement, I am on my way to the top!
Jack McCracken – Cincinnati, Ohio

A: You are the first person I have ever encountered
That thought a “restraining order” constituted “encouragement”

Your Week 3 Picks will be out on Thursday and don’t forget…
The “Number 1 Tennessee Volunteer Fan on the Planet”
Mister Hootie Snitch will have what he describes as a “Gator Special” on Friday
So stay tuned…

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2 Responses to Monday Morning Rewind

  1. The BamaPrincess on September 19, 2009 at 7:29 pm

    Ohmygosh!!! I laugh each time I think about the weedeater reference – just had to come back and let you know!!! Dang. That’s funny!

  2. MEB on September 20, 2009 at 6:21 pm

    Thank you Bama Princess!


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