Hootie’s Corner

July 7, 2009
By

Hey everybody, it’s your ole buddy Hootie Snitch!

In case any of yawl is just now a reading this, I am…
The Number Damn One Tennessee Volunteer Fan on the Planet!

All of us Snitch’s and Ratt’s (on my momma’s side) is all Volunteer fans…
We drool Orange and White…
It’s True!
In fact I hear we is even related to Coach Phil Fulmer…
Cause everybody says he is a Ratt and a Snitch…

I live in the heart of Volunteer Country…
Right here in Baneberry Tennessee at Casa De Hootie in the Peyton Manning Trailer Park.

That Bama guy lets me a right on this site…
I recon cause he wants to keep this thing fair and balanced…

But I know what you is all a thinking…

Is Ole Hootie going to get a “big head” since he is a working at Dollywood?
I admit…
Being in the musical production of “Who Let the Clogs Out”…
Is like the biggest thing that ever happened around here….

But I ain’t changed a bit….
Except I did get new flame decals put on my Camaro….
It looks bad ass…

Before we talk some football and answer some mail, I need to get something off my chest

In case you ain’t heard…
My momma (Rowena Snitch) didn’t get selected again this year for introduction into The International Towing and Recovery Hall of Fame in Chattanooga Tennessee.

I am so mad I could spit….

I am going to wear this shirt everyday until them folks on the selection committee come to their senses.

MOMMYTow

Except I am cutting the sleeves off…….
That will make it look bad ass…

If you want a cool shirt like mine for yourself….
Or say you’re a looking for a gift for that “special someone”…
Check out the link below and go to the Tow and Recovery Hall of Fame gift shop…
And tell them Hootie Snitch sent you….
Maybe a little free advertisement will make them change their minds about my momma….

http://www.internationaltowingmuseum.org/

Now let’s answer some of yawls mail and talk some football!

HOOTIE MAIL

Q: Hootie; How do you think the University of Tennessee Volunteers will do this year?
Eddie – Dunlap, Tennessee

A: Two words for you Eddie: National Freaking Championship!

Q: It seems that the University of Tennessee’s Football team isn’t as popular nationally as it once was; do you think that has anything to do with the recent “sub-par” seasons they have experienced?
Tommy – Strawberry Plains, Tennessee

A: You couldn’t be any more wrong if you was a Gator fan…
The Volunteers are MORE popular than Ever!
How do I know….
I found out the state initials for Utah….
Is “UT”…….
So enough said….

Q: Hootie, despite professing a deep “love” for the University of Tennessee Volunteers, you clearly bring negative attention to our fan base by your nearly illiterate ramblings.
Could you refrain from providing “commentary” this season?
It sheds a negative light on our University and enforces negative stereotypes of our fan base. I doubt you ever attended the University of Tennessee at Knoxville.
Jerry – Knoxville, Tennessee

A: For your information smartass….
I graduted from the University of Tennessee with a degree in educasation….
You sound like a damn spy for the Florida Gators to me….
I got my eye on you…

Q: Hootie, is there any truth to the rumor that you have a twin brother?
Just wondering….
Holly – Biloxi, Mississippi

A: It’s True…
You ladies out there….Beware!
My brother Horace “Horry” for short…
Is my Identical twin brother (Which means we look exactly a-like)
We even had matching t-shirts made to go out and party in…
On the front of both shirts it says…
“H20” as in “Hottie and Horry are in the in the house you better watch Out”.
We cut the sleeves off those shirts too…
And they are bad ass looking…

Horry is kind of famous in his own right….
In case you didn’t know he just won a Raisinette eating contest….
Even got a picture of him on his way to the finish line…

TNFan01

It’s like I am looking in a mirror…

Q: What is Coach Phil Fulmer doing now that he is “retired” from Coaching the University of Tennessee Volunteers?
Chip – Union, Tennessee

A: I heard he was acting in a local play, like a theater play…
Which just goes to show you how damn talented Coach Phil really is…
It’s “The Wizard of Oz”…
I believe Coach Phil is playing the part of “Kansas…”

Q: Hootie, where does an educated, sophisticated man like yourself meet members of the opposite sex?
Barry – Huntsville, Alabama

A: I got to be careful Barry, now that I am a celebrity and work at Dollywood….
I don’t won’t no gold digger getting my doublewide…
If you know what I mean…
So I joined me that website to meet girls…
It’s called “Disharmony Dot Com” it’s for people that have some “issues”….

Q: Hootie, since Coach Kiffin took over there haven’t been any arrests this year of Tennessee football players. What do you make of that?
Jay – Huntington, Tennessee

A: There are two ways to look at this Jay….
Either we ain’t gettin any more good players like Coach Fulmer..
Or..
The local police have finally learned to keep their damn mouths shut…

Q: Now that Chase Daniels has moved on to the NFL…
How do you think Missouri will do this year?
Jake – Platte City, Missouri

A: Missouri, that’s out west ain’t it?
Tell you the truth that word sounds made up to me…

More later on…
Come see “Who Let the Clogs Out” at Dollywood…

Hootie – Out!

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