COLLEGE FOOTBALL NEWS

April 22, 2009
By

Ladies and Gentlemen –

It’s time to catch up on your college football news as a number of major colleges concluded their spring practice last weekend.

Stay tuned…
I have some news that will surely amaze you…
And Next Week….
We will have the return of our “Seven Questions” segement…
With none other than Miles Brand the President of the NCAA…
It should be “illuminating”…..

But until then let’s catch up on some emails and college football news.

Enjoy!

EMAIL QUESTIONS & ANSWERS

Q: Don’t start getting all cocky just because Alabama “finally” won an Iron Bowl!
How many had Auburn won before the Tide decided to roll in?
War damn Eagle!
Chip – Pensacola, Florida

A: You sure are mighty cocky yourself Chip…
I saw the scoreboard and thought I saw a Goose Egg up there…

Q: Dear Mister Wizard, I enjoy your pages and insightful writings. I like your picture at the top of the page. I wish I had me one of them robe out fits and matching cap, too.

Here’s my question. My Bull-Dawgs have done and got ’em another top recruiting class, just like Alabama. We also got us a reeeeeeeeaal good coach, just like Alabama. We had us a pretty good season last year, almost like Alabama.

When do you think we’ll win us a National Championship, just like Alabama?
Lemual – Ludowici, Georgia

A: You sure you aren’t a Tennessee fan?
Because you write like a Tennessee fan, that’s all I’m saying.

Q: How do I go about asking Tim Tebow to marry me?
I kept a writing him and I found his phone number…
(Called him when I was drinking; Big Mistake!)
Then he went and changed his number!
So help me, how do I go about it?
I think he is hot!
Tracy – Homosassa, Florida

A: You already have a restraining order against you, don’t you Tracy?

Q: Mike, any crazy new college football news that we don’t already know about?
Thanks!
Glen – Blacksburg, Virginia

A: I don’t know if you heard about the man suing the University of Miami?
He believes the term “Hurricane” is discriminatory against men…
So in a knee jerk reaction, the President of the University decided to rename the team…

“The We-All-A-Canes”…..
Catchy don’t you think?

Q: Mike what is the deal with the NCAA?
Why can’t they seem to close the deal on the Reggie Bush investigation?
If the NCAA can find schools guilty without any evidence to support their claims, then it seems pretty simple that they could shut the case on Southern California after all the “evidence” has surfaced.
What’s your take?
Paul – Charleston, South Carolina

A: Paul it’s simple…
The Case against the University of $outhern California has dragged on because….
The NCAA has more tools within their hallowed halls than Lowes and Home Depot..
Combined..

Q: Mike, now that Phil Fulmer has left the University of Tennessee, could you find it in your heart to relay a “good” story about Tennessee Volunteer fans?
Please?
Melanie – Strawberry Plains, Tennessee

A: Sure Melanie…
One afternoon a University of Tennessee student was given a ride by a guy in his big Lincoln Continental…

The student noticed a bunch of golf tees on the front seat and asked..
“What are those things for?”

The guy said, “They’re to hold my balls while I drive.”

“Damn!” exclaimed the Tennessee student…
“These Lincoln Continentals have Everything, don’t they?”

EDITORS NOTE: This never gets old for me…

Q: Mike, I read that Terry Bowden left the ABC College Football pre-game team and has decided to coach again.

Do you know where he is coaching?
Thanks!
Susan – Opelika, Alabama

A: Terry Bowden took the position as Head Football Coach of the Sally Brothers Midget Clown College.

It is my understanding….
that he took the position primarily…
because everything at the college was designed for people of his stature.

COLLEGE FOOTBALL TEAM NEWS

ALABAMA: Bryant Denny Stadium hosted nearly eighty five thousand spectators this past Saturday to watch the spring scrimmage and witness the competition for starting quarterback.
If the offense can get pointed in the right direction and with nine returning starters on defense…
The Mighty Tide may Roll again in the Fall…

TENNESSEE: The annual Volunteer Orange and White game had nearly fifty thousand in attendance this year.

Prehaps the highlight of the afternoon’s festivities was awarding a Trophy….
To former coach Phil Fulmer…

I am not sure…
if the award was in recognition of his “5” win season…
Or the fact that by leaving the university of Tennessee…
He single handedly dropped the crime rate in Knoxville by 36%!

Either way…
Congratulations!

EDITORS NOTE: There is no confirmation yet; on how many in attendance were law enforcement personnel, parole officers or bail bondsmen.

MICHIGAN: This past week all star basketball player and all around athlete Greg Paulus…
Strolled around the Wolverine campus to determine if he would walk-on as a future quarterback of the maze and blue.

This is what head Coach Rich Rodriguez had to say concerning the prize recruits visit:

“I didn’t meet with him…
But I can’t understand why Ron Paul would even want to play football..
I have seen him on television and he is kind of old, you know?
Plus he seems to have a career in politics or something already.”

EDITORS NOTE: After last years performance even Ron Paul at quarterback…
May not seem like such a bad idea if you think about it..

NEBRASKA: The Red and White spring game in Lincoln showcased Husker quarterback Zac Lee.
He clearly demonstrated that he is growing into the role of starting quarterback and leader of the Mighty Cornhuskers.

Converted Lineback Latravis Washington ran like he wants to be the premier back of the offense before 77,670 fans of the Husker nation.

EDITORS NOTE: I hate to be the one to tell you…
But the Mighty Huskers are Back…
You read it here first

TEXAS TECH: Ever heard of the name “Taylor Potts”?
He is the new captain of the Coach Leach offense in Red Raider Country…

Don’t worry fans you will know him well before the season is over..
Especially my Big 12 fans…

FLORIDA: Quarterback John Brantley led the offense during the Blue and Orange game for the National Champion Gators this past Saturday…
With most of the Gator starters setting out the game, this provided an opportunity to showcase the young talent the Gators have on the horizon…

Stated John after the game; “I think I have a real shot at starting this year…”

EDITORS NOTE: I Love the enthusiasm John…..
But I have “two” words for you son..
“TIM TEBOW”; now go take a seat on the bench…

AUBURN: New Tiger Football Coach Gene Chizik….

EDITORS NOTE: Pronounced: “Cheese-it” (Which is nice)

Proclaimed the War Eagle spring scrimmage a success!
and immedately ordered Championship rings for the winning squad..
No word yet on the parade….

WEST VIRGINIA: Quarterback Jarrett Brown “finally” has his shot at Mountaineer glory after (former) quarterback Pat White exhausted his 8 years of eligibility.

You will see a more “team” oriented offense this year from the Mountaineers..
That is loaded with talent…
Which is not good news for the rest of the Big East..

VIRGINIA TECH: I don’t have anything to report currently..
But, I do enjoy saying the word “Hokie”…
It’s fun to say even when you are alone…

NCAA: The ever diligent folks from Indianapolis have decided this past week to combine “both” investigations of the University of Southern California into one.

In case you may have forgotten…
The investigations in question invole Former Trojan athletes O.J. Mayo and Reggie Bush..
As you may recall…..
Both individuals are “alleged” to have accepted hundreds of thousands of dollars and gifts while playing for the University of the Second Coming…

Although both athletes “deny” the allegations…
The pair have placed the blame for their lavish lifestyle as college athletes…
On the “Trojan gift fairy”, who they are seeking…
Along with the “real” killers of Nicole Brown Simpson…

SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA: In case you haven’t heard….
Coach Pete Carroll of the Southern California Trojans is releasing a book….
Called….
“Winning Forever”

It is my understanding that the book describes how to funnel money to players, while turning a blind eye and keeping those pesky ole NCAA investigators at bay.

I hear it has a lot of “How To” pictures…

ARIZONIA STATE: This past week the former head football coach of the Sun Devils Bruce Snyder passed away. His twenty year career as a college football coach included an unbeaten season at Arizona State…

He will forever cast a long shadow in the Valley of the Sun…

WEST POINT:
He was known as “Mr. Inside”…
Doc…
and as the 1945 Heisman Trophy winner…
But Felix “Doc” Blanchard was more than that…

Nobody will argue that he was one of the finest college football players ever..
The bruising fullback was listed at 6 feet 208 pounds..
He and Glennn Davis, aka Mr. Outside, helped Army win consecutive National Titles in 1944-45.

But my favorite quote about Doc comes from none other than Notre Dame coach Ed McKeever who was quoted as saying about Blanchard in 1944…
“I’ve just seen Superman in the flesh….
He wears number 35 and goes by the name of Blanchard.”

Drafted in the third round by the Pittsburgh Steelers…
Doc never played a down….
He ended up serving a long career as a fighter pilot in the Air Force.
Flying combat missions in the Korean and Vietnam wars…

We will not see another player like him pass this way again…

RTR
MEB

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