College Football News & Views

April 8, 2009
By

Ladies and Gentlemen –

I want to apologize for the format on my first post back from overseas…

In case you were wondering…
The last post was “not” intended as an Eye Chart…

Glad to see is Hootie back….
(In a strange “Ripley’s Believe it or Not” kind of way)

But I honestly could have done without the picture…
Try not to leave too many comments for him…
It only encourages him….

We have a lot to catch up on so let’s get to it.

Enjoy your update!

TEAM SPRING FOOTBALL NEWS

ARKANSAS: Coach Bobby Petrino has transfer quarterback Ryan Mallett ready to play and if spring practice is any indication a major bowl game is in their future.
Believe it…..

RUTGERS: Nobody cares…..

COLORADO: Remember you heard it here first….
The Buffalos will be lucky to win seven games in 2009…
Beat the rush…
Start looking for your new football coach now…

$OUTHERN CALIFORNIA: Seriously….
You all aren’t on probation yet? Really?

BOISE STATE: The Bronco’s are reloading and will spoil someone’s New Year’s plans…
Believe it…

SMU: Coach Jones with another year under his saddle will have my once proud ponies back in the winners circle.

LOUISVILLE: Please See “Colorado”..
and substitute “Buffalos” with “Cardinals”.

TEXAS TECH: The Red Raiders will need to replace an outstanding quarterback and an ALL-World wide reciever during spring practice.
But I am betting that Coach Leach has a plan…

TEXAS: Two words for you: Colt McCoy…Enough said.

NORTH CAROLINA: Coach Butch Davis has the Tar Heels pointed in the right direction and if the injury bug doesn’t bite them…
The Tar Heels could be the team to beat next year in the ACC…

WASHINGTON: I still miss Coach James…
I bet the Huskie Fans do too….

FLORIDA STATE: What would football practice in Tallahassee be without a player being suspended?

Wide receiver Rod Owens was “Suspended Indefinitely” by Coach Bobby this week after Owens was arrested for DUI.
Least we forget…
This follows the arrest of five players (all receivers) last fall…
For their role in a noon-hour campus brawl…

EDITORS NOTE: I had a nice rhyme going there..

That led to the suspension of sophmore Bert Reed, who as you may remember was suspended three times last season for diffrent reasons.

EDITORS NOTE: The term “Suspended Indefinitely” in Tallahassee means you will not be allowed to play in (one) game against either the South Georgia Taxidermy Academy or the Breaux Bridge Vietnamese Hair Salon and Nail Institute.

MIAMI: If spring practice is any indication….
The Mighty Hurricanes are for real….
AND will be playing for the ACC Championship…

TENNESSEE: For the “That will be the Day File”…
“New” Coach Lane Tiffin dismissed defensive back “starter” Demetrice Morley from the team the team for violating team rules…
Is this a sign that Coach Fulmer’s “25 Strikes and your Out” policy is over?

Time will solve that mystery for all of us…

EDITORS NOTE: I honestly didn’t think Tennessee had any “team rules”…

CINCINNATI: The Bearkats are having an outstanding spring practice…
They are my early season pick to win the Big East…
Believe it…

NCAA: Seriously, do I have to MapQuest Reggie Bush’s momma’s house for you?
Because you know I can…

NCAA PART II: Is it just me….
But don’t you think if President Miles Brand of the NCAA had a different hair cut…
and a funny little mustache that he would look like Adolph Hitler?
Maybe it’s just the way he acts?

EMAIL Q & A

Q: Mike are the Tennessee Football players really suing the makers of “Pot Pies”?
Because pot pies are hard to light and didn’t give them a buzz?
That is too funny!
Nadine – Athens, Georgia

A: It’s true Nadine.
However I failed to mention the additional lawsuit…
Tennessee football players have filed a lawsuit against the Armour Food Corporation.
It would appear from the initial complaint that the football players are suing
for “undisclosed damages” from burning their lips on cans of Armour potted meat
while trying to light them……

Q: I know it’s too early to be asking you…
But I CANNOT take another season of West Point football!
Another year of the Midshipmen beating Army…
Is the drought against Navy going to end anytime soon?
Col. Martin – The Big Red One, Baghdad, Iraq

A: The day you see a flying pig will be a clue Colonel..

EDITORS NOTE: A “Flying Pig”..
is in no way intended as a reference to Wynona Judd..
or her commercial for American Airlines.

Q: Mike was that picture of Hootie Snitch “real”?
I can’t believe that is his real neck!
That was a joke right?
Dave – Columbus, Ohio

A: Dave why do you think he grew a Mullet?
Just be thankful you don’t have to buy him a turtle neck sweater.

Q: Mike what was the first thing you did every day when you woke up over in Iraq?
Tommy – Hollywood, South Carolina

A: Same thing I do back in the states Tommy…
I Remember the Alamo…

Q: The Ivy League has produced some of the finest politicians and leaders the world has ever seen.
Could you see fit to show us the respect our League is due this coming season?
Reginald – Cambridge, Massachusetts

A: Well….
Darrell Royal invented the “Wishbone Formation”..
So what’s your point?

Q: Mike, what the Hell is the President of Georgia (Mike Adams) trying to do now?
Wanting to move the Florida -Georgia game to Atlanta?
Thanks!
Mark – Gainesville, Florida

A: Well, first things first Mark…
President Adams treated the GREAT Coach Dooley disrespectfully..
I don’t want to go into it here…
But he should have been publically flogged for that…

Then he tried to change the name of the game…
That has ALWAYS been known as….
“The World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party”…
To something “Less offensive…
and something “that doesn’t glorify alcohol use…”

IN fact (you may remember) when President Adams was in the process….
Of changing the name of the Florida – Georgia game…
He refused to accept “any” of my suggestions for the name change…

My Top Three Choices….
to Replace the name of the Florida- Georgia game…

1. Mike Adams can Kiss My Ass Party
2. The Day Mike Adams Died
3. Cinco De Mayo

So to answer your question Mark..
It’s hard to know what goes on in the mind of an idiot…

Q: Mike do you think Coach Rod will turn the Wolverines aroud this year?
Chuck – Ann Arbor, Michigan

A: Yes he will Chuck; 360 degrees.

Q: So what is Coach Phil Fulmer doing now that he is “retired”?
Chase – Columbia, South Carolina

A: Most recently Phil Fulmer was seen leading the parade as the Grand Marshall…
at the Mule Days in Columbia Tennessee…

EDITORS NOTE: “Mule Days” is in no way a reference to Phil Fulmer’s wife.
Although the last time I saw a face like her’s it had a bit in it’s mouth…

Q: Mike, I noticed in the portion of your website entitled…
“About your favorite College Football Prognosticator”…
that you are afraid of “Midgets”? Why?
Toni – Birmingham, Alabama

A: WHY? See the link below…

http://services.sled.sc.gov/sor/view.aspx?SRS=2649

Before you email me…
“Yes” the height and weight are correct…

This proves that midgets are dangerous….

RTR

MEB

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4 Responses to College Football News & Views

  1. Allyn on April 13, 2009 at 10:41 pm

    Welcome back!

  2. MEB on April 14, 2009 at 7:24 pm

    Thank You Miss A !!!!

    It’s GREAT to be Back!

    RTR
    MEB

  3. TheBamaPrincess on April 17, 2009 at 10:40 pm

    Why, tell me, why do I do it? Why do I continually click on the links you provide thinking what the hell does this have to do with anything??? OMG!!! That is funny as . . . . as that Hootie photo!!! Knowledge plus humor – love it! Take Care! The BamaPrincess

  4. MEB on April 22, 2009 at 10:38 am

    Thank you Bama Princess!

    RTR
    MEB

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