Ladies and Gentlemen –
Before we get into Saturday’s Picks I have to say…
I am still mad about last night……
I am One and Two on Thursday night (again)?
DAMN it….
This is the reason my average has fallen faster than the stock market the last two weeks…
As you know I was a disappointing 30 and 15 (76%) last week…
Which leaves me at an embarrassing 202 and 51 for the season or 80%.
Hold on for a minute…..
I just said thirty “Hail Bryants”…..
Now I feel better…
Enjoy Your Picks!
College Football NEWS and VIEWS
HAWAII: This message is for Rainbow Head Coach Greg McMackin…
YOU “demoted” Coach Brian Kajiyama?
Shame on you…
NOW I am really glad you are losing…
YOU do not deserve to live in the same state as “Dog the Bounty Hunter”…
I love those guys…
TENNESSEE: I recall the NCAA’s “Big Fat Secret Witness” had this to say about “Why he had a problem with the University of Alabama”….
“That University (Alabama) is recruiting in my backyard (Memphis), and I have to question why anyone would leave MY state for another school…”
– Fat Phil Fulmer (Also Known as the NCAA’s “Secret Witness”)
Really?
Well, somebody better alert the Fat Man because the Miami Hurricanes have gotten some key players out of his backyard under the shadow of his ever expanding ass….
From Memphis too……
Running Back…Graig Cooper
Corner Back…Carlos Armour
Offensive Line….Tyler Horn
Let’s cut to the chase shall we?
Are you Tennessee Vol fans EVER going to be embarrassed by this gibbering jackass’s behavior?
Have you all sold your soul’s for a win?
Just wondering….
VANDERBILT: IF you beat Auburn this Saturday Night…
You all will be 5 and 0 for the first time since 1943…..
I am a Believer…..
CLEMSON: My Tiger Family…I have GOOD news.
This is how it’s going to work…
Dumbass Tommy’s Contract will be bought out by the end of the year…
Your “New” Coach?
Meet Coach Johnson of Vanderbilt…
He IS a Clemson Man…
and will be Your Football Coach in 2009…
Believe it…
NCAA: Seriously, when can we expect to hear about the “Investigation” into Reggie Bu$h and the $outhern California Trojan$?
In the words of Duane “Dog” Chapman…
“I will not give this up until I take my last dying breath”
EDITORS NOTE: I wonder if people that “Google” Reggie Bu$h or the $outhern California Trojan$ ever get tired of seeing the Ole CFBWIZARD pop up…
NCAA (PART II): Has Fat Phil called you all yet about the Miami Hurricanes recruiting in Memphis?
MIAMI (FL): “IF” you happen to see what appears to be an overweight Manatee hiding in the bushes on the Hurrcane campus wearing a “Big Orange” T-shirt…
That smells like ass and potted meat…
Don’t worry…
OR call the Animal Control folks….
It’s just Fat Phil Fulmer conducting another “Investigation” for the NCAA….
$OUTHERN CALIFORNIA: YOU jackasses aren’t on probation or “Looking down the barrel of the Death Penalty” YET?
Really?
I guess that only applies to “Real” Southern Schools…
ESPN: How much longer must we be held hostage to the halftime segment entitled…”Dr. Lou”?
Why we must we be subjected to listening to a 140 pound Tom Turkey spit and slur during the entire halftime?
Lou sounds like Slyvester the Cat after a three day drinking binge….
ESPN (PART II): Everytime I hear Pam Ward talk…
I die…
Just a little bit…
Inside…
PLEASE make her STOP!
ESPN (PART III): SOOOOOooooooooooo….
You all really don’t want to talk about the NCAA and PAC 10 “Investigation” into Reggie Bu$H and the Univer$ity of $outhern California Trojan$?
You do know I am going to bug the hell out of you and talk trash until you do?
Right?
Just so we understand each other…
HASKELL INDIAN NATIONS UNIVERSITY: For the first time in almost 75 years the university is re-introducing football on campus….
Why is this important?
Before this Country’s GREATIST athlete enrolled at Carlisle Indian School….
Jim Thorpe played football at Haskell Prep…..
That football field IS sacred ground…
Good Luck this weekend Boys!
EMAIL QUESTIONS and ANSWERS
Q: Mike, what is your “Problem” with “everything” California?
Juniper – San Diego, California
A: Because you all suck…
I hope that cleared up any misunderstanding…
Q: I have a question for you…
Why do they call Pittsburg State the “Gorillas”?
Thanks!
Chuck – Abilene, KS
A: Have you ever seen their Cheerleaders?
I rest my case….
Q: Hey, I got me a question!
My sister has what the doctor calls “Web” feet.
Does that mean if we hook her up to a computer, that
We is gettin our own “Web”-“site”?
GO VOLS
Stu – Pikeville, Tennessee
A: So Stu…
How close do you live to the Nuclear Power Plant?
Just wondering…
Q: Seriously Mike…
How old is Bobby Bowden?
Thanks!!
Tommy – Blacksburg, Virginia
A: Tommy…
When Bobby Bowden was born…
They hadn’t even invented dirt yet…
THE GAMES
Saturday October 4th
Penn State at Purdue
I would sooner doubt John Wayne than second guess Jo Pa…
JO PA’S LIONS 34-17
Duke at Georgia Tech
This is an imperfect world we live in….
Or…
They would BOTH Lose…
YELLOW JACKETS 31-23
Iowa at Michigan State
I like that Spartan Running Back…
That Ringer kid is a Class act…
CALL THE SPARTANS 23-14
Indiana at Minnesota
Gophers and Homers?
This is what I have to choose from?
Where is David Hasselhoff when you really need him?
OOOO SO GOLDEN GOPHERS 23-17
Boston College at North Carolina State
Not that it fits here….
But did you all know…
That a Boston accent is one of the VERY Best Birth Control devices known to mankind?
EAGLES 24-21
Rutgers at West Virginia
The folks from New Jersey (Pronounced: Newww Jorseee) are introduced to what is commonly referred to as:
A Mountain Ass Whoppin…
Light those Couches!
MOUNTAINEERS 34-17
Akron at Kent State
What a choice I have here…
Zippers or Protesting Wusseys…
I would rather watch monkeys sling poop for three hours…
ZIPPERS 23-10
Oklahoma at Baylor
This game is going to be uglier than my sister-in-law’s Prom Night…
“With” Power Blue Eye Shadow…
(Sorry for the Visual…)
BOOMER SOONER 38-13
Florida at Arkansas
There are few things in this world as mean as a wounded Gator…
Well…
That and my sister-in-law with a Hang Over…
Never mind…
It’s kind of the Same thing…
MIGHTY GATORS 43-10
Kansas at Iowa State
The Cyclones don’t have enough wind to make a popcorn fart…
HAWKS of JAY 33-17
Alcorn State at New Mexico State
Somebody really named their school after Al’s Bunion?
That is just disgusting…
AGGIES 34-14
EDITORS NOTE: Bring back “Pistol Pete”…..
I am NOT Kidding!
Western Kentucky at Virginia Tech
You say “Hill Toppers”…
I say……
“Turkey Feed”
HOKIES 33-10
UNLV at Colorado State
You know what they say?
What happens in Vegas…
Usually gets cured in the Doctors office in about ten to fourteen working days…
REBELS 28-20
South Carolina at Ole Miss
Forget about last week…
It’s a new day…..
GAMECOCKS 31-28
Stanford at Notre Dame
EVERYBODY in the Country Picked the IRISH last week…
TO LOSE…
BUT Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator..
No Need to thank me…
FIGHTING IRISH 28-17
Army at Tulane
Dare I pick the once proud Black Knights of the Hudson?
NOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooo!
GREEN WAVE 24-14
Kentucky at Alabama
I love my Big Blue Fans…
There are no better fans on the planet…
SO I will keep this one simple…
CRIMSON TIDE 34-17
Texas Tech at Kansas State
Do you know what time it is?
It’s TIME to get those GUNS UP RED RAIDERS!
RED RAIDERS 38-20
Mars Hill at Carson Newman
You know we have a screwed up immigration policy when People from “Mars” have their own college…
SPARK’S EAGLES 38-10
Illinois at Michigan
It’s October…..
Which means it’s too close to Halloween…
To go against the Fighting Pumpkins…
ZOOK’S PUMPKINS 31-21
Arizona State at California
You may call me “crazy”….
So did that “know it all” Doctor…
SUN DEVILS 24-23
Southern Methodist at Central Florida
Say it with me…
MIGHTY..MIGHTY…
MUSTANGS! 33-31
Florida State at Miami (FL)
The Good News?
Coach Bobby thinks he is meeting Woodrow Wilson and getting an award for “discovering” Sea Monkeys…
The Bad News?
It’s STILL Hurricane Season…
CANES 33-17
Navy at Air Force
Didn’t the “Village People” have a Sailor in the “group”?
That’s what I thought…
FALCONS 38-24
Nevada at Idaho
When I hear or read about Idaho I don’t think about football or potatoes..
I remember that girl “Ida” from High School…
She had a rather “progressive view of morals” for her time…
Forget I mentioned it…
WOLFPACK 28-24
Auburn at Vanderbilt
I am not sure I believe it myself…
But I am a Believer….
COMMODORES 17-16
San Diego State at Texas Christian
Didn’t the Aztec’s Kill the Baby Seals?
I learned that from a southern California History Teacher..
HORNED FROGS 38-10
Connecticut at North Carolina
Did you see the Tar Heels play last weekend?
My point exactly…..
TAR HEELS 24-17
Texas A&M at Oklahoma State
My favorite movie of all time?
After “Lonesome Dove”?
John Wayne: The Cowboys.
Enough said…
COWBOY UP! 27-10
Maryland at Virginia
I will not doubt the POWER of the NINJA turtles…
Again…
NINJA TURTLES 38-13
UTEP at Southern MIss
I will let you all in on a little “secret” to picking the games…
UTEP is in El Paso…
Southern Miss is in Hattiesburg Mississippi…
El Paso smells like a used urinal cake…
Hattiesburg smells like heaven…
That’s how it’s done…
GOLDEN EAGLES 24-17
Northern Illinois at Tennessee
By the time the Knoxghanistan Newspaper gets finished writing about this game….
You will think the Vowels beat the damn New England Patriots…
Enjoy it while you can…
YOU all got the Big DAWGS next week….
VOWELS 43-17
Ball State at Toledo
Have I mentioned that David Letterman went to Ball State?
Well, so did one of the best looking women in South Carolina…
So there…
CARDINALS 34-24
Washington at Arizona
I would LOVE to watch this game…
Really I would…
But there is a “special” about Gary Coleman on Vh1 “Behind the Music”…
I wish he would write a song called “What’ Ch-U Talking about Willis”..
Sometimes I wish for too much…
WILDCATS 6-3
Oregon at U$C
In a “Perfect World”?
They would BOTH lose….
By A lot…
TROJAN$ 3-2
Texas at Colorado
What is the first thing I think about when I wake up?
I Remember the Alamo…
HOOK EM HORNS 38-14
Ohio State at Wisconsin
This is the Game of the Week….
The “National Sports Media” believes the Badgers will win this game….
Thank God you all have me…
MIGHTY BUCKEYES 27-23
Rice at Tulsa
I LOVE Rice Pudding….
But (Like I said) it is STILL Hurricane season….
GOLDEN HURRICANES 24-23
EDITORS NOTE: Sorry…that just sounded nasty.
Missouri at Nebraska
Coach Bo will keep this closer than you think….
Keep the faith my Black Shirt Faithful….
The Huskers ARE on their way back…
MO’S TIGERS 34-23
Wyoming at New Mexico
I hate picking the Low Blows….
It’s the same feeling you get when you order something from Tony Little…
LOW BLOWS 13-7
Hawaii at Fresno State
For those that are hearing impaired…..
Let me repeat the earlier statement concerning Hawaii Warrior Football….
This message is for Rainbow Head Coach Greg McMackin…
YOU “demoted” Coach Brian Kajiyama?
Shame on you…
YOU do not deserve to live in the same state as “Dog the Bounty Hunter”…
I really do love THOSE guys…
BULLDOGS 34-17
Washington State at UCLA
I have to change the dirt out of my ant farm or I would watch this game…
Really….
BRUINS 23-17
Enjoy your Games!
RTR
MEB