Ladies and Gentlemen –
Not a bad first week for Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator.
Some of my loyal readers have called it a “nearly perfect” weekend for me.
Close…..
Tennessee Lost and Alabama Won; the only thing that would have made it better would have been a Loss by the U$C Trojans and a win by the Clemson Tigers.
That being said, I finished the week at 53 and 11 or 83%.
Not a bad first week if I say so myself.
There is a lot to talk about and Your Weekly College Football Picks are Out!
So Let’s get to it.
Enjoy Your Picks!
COLLEGE FOOTBALL NEWS and VIEWS
HURRICANES: I am thankful that Gustav didn’t hurt my friends and family along the Gulf Coast and I don’t believe Hanna will do much more than bring some much needed rain to my Family in Carolina.
But if your name is “Tina” and you live in the path of Hurricane Ike….Run Like Hell!
TEXAS A&M: Any of you Aggies want R. C. Slocum’s phone number?
I have it right here, if you need it….
TENNESSEE: Those were some really “nice” Orange Sherbert pants you all were wearing for the game in California…Seriously, they didn’t look Gay at All…totally Heterosexual looking; really.
CLEMSON: Stop reading your press clippings on how “Great” you all are and start playing some damn football.
MISSISSIPPI STATE: See “Clemson” Above….
OREGON STATE: A Beaver is NOT Suppose to LOSE to a team with a Tree for a mascot..
It’s against the laws of nature!
HAWAII: Despite being blown out by two Southeastern Conference Teams in a row, there is some good news! Dog the Bounty Hunter is back on the A&E Channel every Wednesday Night.
VIRGINIA TECH: As I stated earlier in the week; I believe Hokie Tight End Ed Wang at 6-6 275 pounds to be the largest Wang ever seen in a Hokie uniform.
And before you start emailing me….
I know…
Television adds weight to person…
But that is still a big Wang…
KENTUCKY: You beat Louisville with a quarterback that wasn’t even a quarterback until last week.
Sorry I doubted you BIG BLUE…I won’t make that mistake again.
ESPN: Did anybody see one time Florida Quarterback and current ESPN “commentator” Jesse Palmer last Thursday Night?
Nice “Clip-on” tie…..real classy.
ESPN II: Plenty of “Love” for the Southern California Trojans in all the pre-game chit-chat, but no mention of the NCAA Investigation into Reggie Bush and the Trojans….I wonder why?
Scared?
ESPN III: The “Sports Network” reported on Saturday that Jo Pa had tied Bobby Bowden with 373 wins after the Lions win over Coastal Carolina.
WRONG…..
Jo Pa has ALWAYS been at Penn State…
Through EVERY win and the occassional loss….
On the other Hand, Bobby Bowden coached “against” Gordon Junior College in the Golden Isle Bowl…
You see Bobby hasn’t ALWAYS Coached a Division I College Football Team…
But, it hasn’t stopped him from counting those wins in his total.
Jo Pa is the winningest Coach in Division I College Football – Period.
Glad I cleared that up for everybody.
THE GAMES
Thursday September 4th
North Alabama at Carson Newman
This game is between two giants of College Football…
Normally I would go with the Lions in this contest..
But I have a feeling…
SPARKS EAGLES 28-24
Nicholls State at New Mexico State
This game may be delayed due to Hurricane Gustav..
Doesn’t Matter…
AGGIES 33-13
Vanderbilt at South Carolina
Susan….You can take this one to the bank.
GAMECOCKS 27-14
Friday September 5th
Navy at Ball State
UPSET SPECIAL!!!!!
CARDINALS 31-28
EDITORS NOTE: Did I mentioned that David Letterman went to school at Ball State?
Saturday September 6th
Ohio at Ohio State
Sorry Coach Frank….this going to be really ugly.
MIGHTY BUCKEYES 34-10
Marshall at Wisconsin
The Thundering Herd will keep this one close…for a while.
THE POWER OF CHEESE 38-23
Eastern Illinois at Illinois
I miss the Illinois mascot Chief Illiniwek…
Because if someone with a lisp says it, they spit on themselves.
FIGHTING PUMPKINS 44-17
Georgia Tech at Boston College
I would pull for the Yellow Jackets in this one….
But I just can’t…It’s against my religion.
EAGLES 28-24
Eastern Michigan at Michigan State
Nothing but Green and White in this one…
SPARTANS 34-14
Miami (Ohio) at Michigan
Enjoy this game Wolverine Fans…
You won’t enjoy another win for several weeks…
WOLVERINES 31-17
Connecticut at Temple
If Temple wins this game it’s another sign of the coming Apocalypse…
The First Sign?
The “New Kids on the Block” Reunion…
They are the Anti-Christ…
HUSKIES 33-24
Florida International at Iowa
What’s so “International” about this University?
It kind of sounds like “Phoenix Online” with a marching band.
HAWKEYES 34-21
Southern Miss at Auburn
The Golden Eagles in the rear view mirror are closer than they appear…
WAR EAGLES 23-17
San Jose State at Nebraska
I don’t know much of anything..
But I do know that Jose is going to get a Nebraska Ass Whopping…
HUSKERS 43-20
Furman at Virginia Tech
Furry Man?
Sounds like where Chewbacca went to school…
Or My Sister-in-Law…
HOKIES 27-17
Brigham Young at Washington
UPSET SPECIAL!!!!!!
The Cougars will take down the once mighty Huskies….
Believe it…
COUGARS 31-24
Central Michigan at Georgia
How BOUT them BIG Bad DAWGS!!!!!
UGA VII 34-14
Cincinnati at Oklahoma
If the Boomer Sooner runs around the stadium after every touchdown…
They are going to need some more ponies…
MIGHTY SOONERS 48-17
The Citadel at Clemson
The Tigers are Mad as Hell….
and that is really bad news for the Bulldogs…
TOMMY’S TIGERS 38-10
Utah State at Oregon
I would rather stare at an Ant Farm for three hours than watch this game…
QUACKS 3-2
Oregon State at Penn State
The Beavers will not be very Happy in Happy Valley….
There are few things as sad as an unhappy beaver…it’s true.
JO PA’S LIONS 33-28
Mississippi at Wake Forest
Sometimes you feel like a Nutt; this week I don’t.
DEMON DEACONS 27-24
Sacramento State at Colorado State
Gosh I wish I cared, I really do.
But I don’t….
RAMS 34-13
Eastern Washington at Colorado
Great NEWS!
My Sister-In-Law will be running out onto the Field as Ralphie the Colorado mascot!!
Do you know what that means?
She has worked two weeks in a row!
BUFFALOS 38-10
San Diego State at Notre Dame
Did you know that ancient Aztec indians used to sacrifice human beings to satisfy the Gods and ensure good luck?
You know what is strange about that?
Because that’s exactly what the Notre Dame Administration is going to do to Coach Charlie if he doesn’t win this game…
FIGHTING IRISH 33-13
Tennessee Tech at Louisville
If the Cardinals lose this game their Coaches will have to go into the Witness Protection Program..
CARDINALS 43-17
Richmond at Virginia
I wish I could pull for Richmond in this one….
But I know the capitol fell to the yankees and the arabs quite a few years ago..
CAVALIERS 31-28
West Virginia at East Carolina
A “New Kids on the Block” Reunion and Temple wins…
All we need now is Skip Holtz to win two weeks in a row and it’s Armageddon.
MOUNTAINEERS 31-17
Texas A&M at New Mexico
Seriously, I really do have R. C. Slocum’s phone number if any Aggies want it…
GIG EM AGGIES 23-21
Buffalo at Pittsburgh
Monkeys are cleaning themselves on the Animal Planet or I would watch this one, really…
PANTHERS 7-6
Western Carolina at Florida State
Nothing says Football Time In Tallahassee, like seeing Coach Bobby in his colored wielding goggles and Viet Cong Hat on the sidelines….
Ahhhh Good Times…..
SEMINOLES 33-10
Norfolk State at Kentucky
I will not doubt the Awesome Power of BLUE Again…
WILDCATS 38-10
William and Mary at North Carolina State
Bill and Mary must be liquored up to schedule this game…
WOLFPACK 27-17
California at Washington State
I would watch this game but, this is the time I have set aside to rearrange my sock drawer.
BEARS 6-3
Southeast Missouri State at Missouri
MO Knows football….
I am just not sure that the Rand McNally MO knows…
MO’S TIGERS 48-10
Louisiana Tech at Kansas
The Bulldogs will keep it close for two quarters….
JAYHAWKS 33-24
South Florida at Central Florida
The Golden Knights are going down…
And that’s No Bull…
BULLS 27-17
Tulane at Alabama
Even Green Waves will not stop the High Tide….
CRIMSON TIDE 34-14
Kent State at Iowa State
Many of you may not know, but I am on a number of anti-war protestors websites and blogs because of what I have said about Kent State being “The Home of Anti-War Protestors and National Guard Bullet Traps…”
I am so proud of the fact that they hate me…
CYCLONES 31-17
Murray State at Indiana
I wish the Hoosiers would rename their team the “Homers”…
If you saw someone in an Indiana sweatshirt you could ask them if they were Homer-Sexual…
I would never get tired of that…
HOMERS 27-10
Northwestern at Duke
I have a philosophical question for you all….
What if they had a football game and nobody came?
Which just basically described every season of Duke Football for the last twenty years…
WILDCATS 3-2
Northwestern State at Baylor
I always try to pick one game a year that I know (Or hope) Baylor will win…
This is that game…
BEARS 24-10
Tulsa at North Texas
I really don’t want to know what is “So Golden” about their Hurricanes…
It just sounds sooo nasty.
GOLDEN HURRICANES 34-17
Southeastern Louisiana at Mississippi State
Lions from Hammond get treed by angry Bulldogs; Film at Eleven….
CROOM’S BULLDOGS 31-13
Maryland at Middle Tennessee
Are you going to question the power of the Ninja Turtles?
Shame on you….
FIGHTN TURTLES 24-17
Arkansas at Louisiana Monroe
Monroe is on the tail end of his “Southeastern Conference Beat My Ass and Pay Me” Tour…
RAZORBACKS 28-13
Stephen F. Austin at Texas Christian
A University named after a Hero of Texas…
The Other is Home to Bob Lilly and the Mighty Horned Frogs…
This is a tough call….
HORNED FROGS 24-10
Houston at Oklahoma State
Cats can’t take the Cowboys in Stillwater…
It’s a rule…
COWBOY UP! 31-23
Montana State at Kansas State
My buddy says everything from Bozeman Sucks…including the damn Bobcats.
I love those Grizzly Fans..
WILDCATS 43-10
Minnesota at Bowling Green
Damn those Golden Gophers…with their Golden Fleece Butt Fur…
I forgot were I was going with this one..
Sorry…
O SOOOO GOLDEN GOPHERS 24-23
Miami (FL) at Florida
The Folks in Miami have Hurricanes…
But the Folks in Gainesville have Superman…
MIGHTY GATORS 24-14
Troy at LSU
I always liked Troy…
But he is in for a Cajun Ass Whipping of Biblical Proportions…
HEY FIGHTN’ TIGERS 43-10
EDITORS NOTE: Due to Hurricane Damage this game is postponed until November..Then Troy gets his ass whipped.
Rice at Memphis
Which is it going to be?
The King of Rock and Roll…
Or My Favorite Pudding?
Bill Cosby it is….
RICE PUDDING 31-27
Texas State at Southern Methodist
Saturday Night…
In Big D…
Owenby Field…
EDITORS NOTE: I KNOW it’s Ford this and that NOW…But it’s still Owenby Field to ME!
MIGHTY MUSTANGS 31-17
Texas Tech at Nevada
Get Those Guns UP!
RED RAIDERS 43-24
Stanford at Arizona State
If “Tree” wins this game…then the Terrorists win.
Think about it…
SUN DEVILS 24-20
Toledo at Arizona
There is a T.J. Hooker Marathon on Tv Land or I would watch this one..
WILDCATS 6-3
Texas at UTEP
The Mighty Longhorns will dispatch with Alphabet Soup U….
Before you can sing, “The Eyes of Texas are Upon You..”
LONGHORNS 38-17
Weber State at Hawaii
I didn’t know the Company that makes those BBQ Grills had it’s own college?
WARRIORS BALLROOM DANCING ON RAINBOWS 43-0
Enjoy the Games!
RTR
MEB