Monday Morning Quarterback (Labor Day Edition)

September 1, 2008

Ladies and Gentlemen –

Despite the fact we still have a game or two this evening, it’s time to take a look back at the memorable and the “not-so”-memorable events and games of the first weekend of College Football.
But before we get into college football….

I hope my friends and family along the Gulf Coast have stayed hunkered down during Hurricane Gustav and that they and all their pets are doing well.
You all know who you are so don’t think I am going to take up valuable space here with names..
Love you all – Stay Safe.



“This is the FIRST Real pressure situation for Mark Sanchez as a Trojan”
– ESPN Commentator Mark “Milk Dud Head” May on $outhern Cal Trojan Quarterback Mark Sanchez’s start against Virginia.

EDITORS NOTE: Really? Even “more” pressure than when he was arrested for “Rape” a couple of years ago? More pressure than that?  Wow…..
You all do remember that right?
By the way..Who paid for the 250K Bail?
Just wondering…..

“We have worked too hard this year not to be successful.”
– ESPN Sideline “Reporter” Jeannie Edwards quoting Coach Rich Rod of Michigan on “Why the Wolverines will defeat Utah.”

EDITORS NOTE: Yeah Coach…NOBODY else worked hard this off-season but you.
Except maybe Utah…..Dumbass.

“Gobble…Gobble….Gobble..(Spit) Gobble!!! Gobble!! SQUAWK! SQUAWK!!!!! (Spit)”
– Coach Lou Holtz on ESPN’s painful halftime segment entitled “Ask Dr. Lou”

EDITORS NOTE: For the Love of God….someone stop Lou Holtz from trying to speak.



WEST POINT: You all got the living hell beat out of you by Temple….as in TEMPLE.
I really don’t know what else to say…

PITTSBURGH: See above and substitute “Bowling Green” for “Temple”….Idiots.

VIRGINIA TECH: The Hokies lost to a Skip Holtz Coached team.
The Only thing worse than that? See West Point Above…

HAWAII: That whole “We are Better than the Southeastern Conference” trash talk seems kind of funny now after playing two teams in the Conference and getting beat 143 to 13, doesn’t it?
I thought so….

DUKE: This past Saturday a ten person sky diving team intended for the University of North Carolina’s pre-game activities “missed” and landed in Blue Devil stadium while the teams were warming up.
No one was hurt and due in large part to the unintended landing, the Blue Devils claimed ten more people in attendance than last years opening home game.

EDITORS NOTE: If you guessed that the Duke Blue Devils had over twenty people in attendance for their first home game, you would be correct. Which is just sad.

SOUTHERN METHODIST: Friday Night my Mighty Mustangs were playing more like Shetland Ponies at the Carnival….

GEORGIA: This past Saturday in pregame festivities the University of Georgia welcomed UGA VII as the new Bulldog Mascot. UGA VII is the son of UGA VI and although not as handsome as his daddy, I am betting he will be a damn good Dawg.

VIRGINIA TECH: (Part II) One bright spot on the Virginia Tech Hokie loss this past Saturday was some outstanding play by a freshman Tight End.
Freshman Ed Wang is 6-6 and 275 pounds and appears to have a bright future in Blacksburg.
They say that he is the Biggest Wang in his family.
What did I say?

EDITORS NOTE: There is a lesson to be learned here folks –
“Just because you have a big Wang doesn’t mean you always get to win.”



Q: I cannot believe that we lost to a team called the Utes!
Can it get any worse for the Wolverines? Really?
Thomas – Ann Arbor, Michigan
A: You mean other than getting beat by a bunch of Donny and Marie Fans?
I think the worse part for me was watching Coach Rod’s “Hooker Look-a-Like” Wife on the “Stripper Pole” at Mid-Field while the Wolverine Band played “Hey Big Spender”.
Welcome to the “New” Maze and Blue Halftime Show…..

Q: I read last week that you are in Leavenworth! I don’t even care what you done, I think that is awesome! Hey Man, Is there anyway you could get me Michael Vicks autograph?
Thanks Man!
Jimbo – Carthage, Tennessee
A: You were called “Special” in school? Right, Jimbo?

Q: Greetings! My name is Dusty and I am part of what I believe is the first and only Conch Shell Barbershop quartet in America! We are called Conchelicious!
We perform such favorites as “How Dry I am” and “Workin on the Railroad,” But instead of singing those classics….the four of us play the notes on Conch Shells!
People Love it!
Last week we performed at the Beautiful Life Assisted Living Center and they went nuts!
There may have been a bra thrown our way, we’re not really sure what it was, but it had lace on it.
Anyway, my question is this…
Do you think there is ANYWAY that Conchelicious could play the National Anthem at a Georgia Tech Home game this year?
Just give it to us straight…
Dusty and the Boys – Atlanta, Georgia
A: I think you boys would be perfect for Georgia Tech….
Go for it.

Q: Mike, I have a question that I hope you can help me with.
I recently bought this lawnmower that says it’s “Worry Free”.
Yet I STILL worry ALL the time, about all kinds of things, like whether sippy cups are really safe, the GNP of Liechtenstein and the number 81.
My question is this, should I take the lawnmower back? I am STILL worrying!
Does this mean the lawnmower is defective?
Chip – La Jolla, California
A: I am not saying that “I wish the BIG Earthquake would hit southern California”…..ALL I am saying is……….

Your College Football Picks for Week 2 will be out later in the Week…
Have a Great Week…


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4 Responses to Monday Morning Quarterback (Labor Day Edition)

  1. Go Bucks Michigan Sucks! on September 1, 2008 at 10:07 pm

    Here’s at least one prayer for Beanie’s foot.

    And that someone kicks Mark Sanchez in the knee on Saturday.

    Go RedHawks!*

    *in case anyone is curious, the bumper sticker on my minivan says “My Two Favorite Teams are Ohio State and whoever Plays Michigan.”

  2. TheBamaPrincess on September 2, 2008 at 11:33 am


    What a great way to begin the season.

    Almost swallowed my chapstick when I read your description of the Mich. halftime show!! Too funny!

    The BamaPrincess

  3. Bulldog Jim on September 2, 2008 at 2:04 pm

    I am waiting to hear your words about the Vols and next weeks overall predictions. My team needs to start “thinking!” Your pal, BJ

  4. MEB on September 4, 2008 at 6:23 am

    Have No Fear GBMS, Wells will be fine……Love that Bumber Sticker.

    Bulldog Jim…Your boys started reading how Great they were suppose to be..DO NOT Worry; Coach Croom has them on the right path…

    Bama Princess, PLEASE do not let any Children in the room when the Michigan halftime show is on….It is enough to make your tiara slip!


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