Ladies and Gentlemen –
Now that you have your College Football Picks for Week 1 and a little Sunday Morning Motivation, let’s take a look at some news from around the college football landscape before we kickoff this week.
More Updates to follow as we get closer to kickoff.
Enjoy your week!
TEAM NEWS & NOTES
NCAA: So, are we suppose to believe that your investigators still can’t find the house where Reggie Bush’s momma and step-daddy lived? How long has it taken them? Four years?
Let’s be honest, if U$C was in the SEC they would have already gotten the Death Penalty.
EDITORS NOTE: That kind of rhymed, didn’t it?
SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA: Shouldn’t you all be on some kind of probation by now?
Just wondering….
Oh yeah, How’s that whole pink thong, jock itch thing working out for you?
ATLANTA JOURNAL (AJC): This past week in the Atlanta Constitution Journal (AJC) a gibbering idiot posing as a “sportswriter” ranked the “Most Obnoxious Fans in the Southeastern Conference”.
He ranked Tennessee fans, at the bottom of the list, because as he stated; “I went to school there and I think they are awesome.”
Where do you think the term “OBKnoxville came from jackass?”
In the Holy Name of Lewis Grizzard what has happened to that once fine paper?
LOU HOLTZ: Since I last broke the news that Lou Holtz would be playing the role of “Granny Clampett” in the upcoming Beverly Hillbillies movie; I want to assure you all that there is no truth to the rumor that the theme or portions of the classic theme from the Beverly Hillbillies will be changed to, “up from the ground came a gobbling Lou…”
NEW MEXICO: This past week the NCAA placed the Lobo football program on three years probation and cut five scholarships for academic violations involving two former assistant coaches.
EDITORS NOTE: SOoooo if the NCAA can police little ole New Mexico, where is the BIG Investigation into Reggie Bush and Southern California?
Just in case any of you were wondering: No, I will not let this go.
AUBURN: (AP News) The Auburn University campus was evacuated just before noon last Friday, when the university president learned that Russia had invaded Georgia.
According to a university spokesperson, the president ordered the evacuation because he was concerned “that Auburn could be next.”
Updates to Follow….
GEORGIA TECH: On a Postive Note, the Russian invasion into Georgia has had a postive impact in the quality of cheerleaders at Georgia Tech.
They no longer look like a breed of genetically enhanced swine.
The Cheerleaders are now more Yak-like in appearance.
EMAIL QUESTONS and ANSWERS
Q: Mike, I have a question for you. Why isn’t Florida State playing this weekend? I have asked several of my fellow Seminole Fans and they don’t have an answer either, do you know?
Thanks!
Ken – Destin, Florida
A: The Seminoles were forced to “re-arrange” their schedule a month ago when Coach Bobby hid under his bed and said he wouldn’t come out until the “Cuban Missile Crisis” was over…
Q: Mike, I gather from the fact you are still able to write your column that you haven’t left on your “Big Trip” yet. So, where are you now?
Dave – Little Rock, Arkansas
A: I am sorry to say my High School Annual was right; When I was voted….
“Most Likely to end up at Leavenworth”…
Q: My question doesn’t involve football but I need some help.
My husband and I just moved to the Florida Gulf Coast from New Jersey (He loves your column by the way) and I would like to know in the event of a tropical storm or hurricane, when should we evacuate?
Marsha – Tampa, Florida
A: There is one thing to remember Marsha: If you see Jim Cantore it’s TOO Late.
Because as we all know, he is the Angel of Death.
Q: Help! My son is showing signs of anti-social behavior and is beginning to exhibit signs that he is becoming a Tennessee Fan! I don’t know what to do! Can you please help?
Steve – Baton Rouge, Louisiana
A: I have compiled a list of a few books that I hope will help with your situation.
“Understanding Mental Retardation” by Patricia Ainsworth
“Primer for Parents of Slow Children” by Jackie Wright
“Forced Exit: The Slippery Slope from Assisted Suicide to Legalized Murder” by Wesley J. Smith
Q: YOU are always bashing the Trojans of Southern Cal and frankly I am sick of it!
Who do you think you are? Really? Just WHO do you think you ARE?
Chad- Costa Mesa, California
A: Some people call me the Space Cowboy
Some call me the gangster of love…
Some people call me Maurice….
Cause I speak of the pompitious of love..
EDITORS NOTE: I want to thank Steve Miller for the above answer.
RTR
MEB