College Football Pre-Season Extravaganza Pt II

August 10, 2008
By

Ladies and Gentlemen –

Welcome Back to Part II of Your College Football Pre-Season Extravaganza!

We have a lot to discuss with this week’s Email Questions and Answers and the all important Pronostications of the Conference Championships.

So let’s get to it.

Enjoy Your Picks!

Email Questions and Answers

Q: Hey There! I like to read your column and me and my wife was wondering with all your popularity if you was looking for anybody to advertise on your site?
The reason I ask, is because my wife (Blossem) and I have come up with a dandy idea!
Everybody is trying to eat healthy now a days, am I right?
People want to eat stuff that is “all natural”.

So what could be more natural and healthy than Possum Milk and Possum Cheese?

If you is interested in having Blossem’s Possum Milk or Blossem’s Possum Cheese as a sponsor, just let us know.

It’s good and good for you (That’s what we a going to put on the package)

Bobcat and Blossem – Winchester, Tennessee

A: You two are Tennessee Volunteer Fans, right?
Now, it all makes sense….

Q: Mike, I have a question that I hope you can help me with. I am a Kansas Jayhawk Fan (Go Jayhawks!) and we had several players leave the football team last year, but yet never heard if they graduated or were drafted by the NFL. Do you know what happened to the players that left the Jayhawks last year?
Thanks!
Chuck – Lawrence, Kansas

A: I know exactly what happened to the players from last years Jayhawks Team.
Coach Mangino ate them….sorry.

Q: Hello! I am 98 years young and I have been raising parrots for the past 14 years and breed them, nurture them and feed them worms. They keep me company and perform fancy tricks on tiny trampolines and chirp catchy, feel-good tunes all the day long. For Halloween last year I dressed them up as the characters of the TV show “the A-Team”. Tooty got to be Mr. T, he looked just like him. I just wish I could have gotten him to say, “I pity the Fool!”
I almost forgot what I was going to ask you!
How do you think the Seminoles are going to do this year? I wonder if Tooty could play Quarterback?

Bobby B. – Tallahassee, Florida

A: Coach, I think it’s about time for your nap.

Q: Listen Dung Breath, NO jokes this year about your sister-in-law! She does not have Horns! Those are calcium deposits! Also NOBODY wants to hear or read about her excessive body hair, the hump on her back or that one foot that looks like a hoof! I am sure that she has a wonderful personality and is very popular!
Anonymous – Pikeville, Kentucky

A: Did you like the Dehorning Paste I sent you for your Birthday?
No need to Thank me…

 

CONTENDERS and PRETENDERS PART II

Due to time constraints I was unable to finish the “Pretenders” and “Contenders” section of the 2008 College Football Pre-Season Extravaganza yesterday.

Enjoy….

PRETENDERS PART II

DUKE: The Blue Devils are to football what Siegfried and Roy are to Heterosexuality.

TEMPLE: See above and substitute “Owls” for Blue Devils.

KANSAS: I have good news and some bad news.
The Good News is that Coach Mark Mangino has beaten anorexia! Yes!
The bad news is that by the end of the year the Jayhawks will only be in contention for a bid to the Vienna Sausage Bowl in Conway Arkansas. I would look at this as a “win”-“win”.

UTAH: I cannot in good conscience pull for any team that considers “Milk” an acceptable Tailgate Beverage.

OREGON: You have the most butt ugly uniforms of any sport at anytime in any country.
Your mascot looks like a gay Mr. Peanut…..
Your marching band uniforms looked like they were designed by a colored blind cyclops…
You refer to your offense as the “Quack Attack”….
And you wonder why I make fun of you?

WASHINGTON: I really wish the Mighty Huskies would return to Championship form…
Because I still miss Coach James.

CALIFORNIA (anything): How can I put this gently?
You suck. How’s that?

 

CONTENDERS PART II

ARIZONA STATE: The Sun Devils WILL compete for the PAC 10 title…Believe it.

WISCONSIN: Never underestimate the power of Cheese.
The game with the Mighty Buckeyes in Madison on October 4th will decide the conference title.

MIAMI: The Hurricanes will not contend for the Conference Championship this year, but they might ruin the Hokies chances when they meet on November 13th.

PENN STATE: Jo Pa will not win the Big Eleven…I mean “Ten” Title this year, but he will most certainly be a contender.

OREGON STATE: Coach Riley is a Bama Boy and that’s good enough for me.

ALABAMA: Because I said so….

 

CONFERENCE CHAMPIONS

THE BIG TEN…I mean ELEVEN

Despite the fact The Ohio State Buckeyes have Southern California, Wisconsin and Michigan State on the road this season, I believe this is a team on a mission.

The Ohio State Buckeyes WILL be Conference Champions this year.

THE BIG 12

The Missouri Tigers lead by Chase Daniels will most certainly win the Big 12 North, but don’t count out the Nebraska Cornhuskers. Coach Bo will have the Black Shirts ready to play. Believe it.

The Oklahoma Sooners “should” win the Big 12 South….
But Do Not underestimate the Red Raiders of Texas Tech.
They have one of the best quarterbacks in the nation that you never heard of in Graham Harrell.
Fortunately the Sooners have the Red Raiders in Norman this year on November 22nd.

But one slip by the Mighty Sooners…..

My Pick?

The Big 12 Champion will be the Oklahoma Sooners…

THE ATLANTIC COAST CONFERENCE

The Clemson Tigers have some of the very best fans in the country that wrote the book on tailgating (Trust me on this one) and a favorable schedule to make a run for the title.

But they will have to play back to back road games at Boston College (November 1st) and at Florida State (November 8th). One late season banana peel and they will find themselves trailing the pack.

My Pick?

The Tigers WILL win the Atlantic Division…..

The Virginia Tech Hokies “should” win the Coastal Division of the Conference, but will not have enough horsepower to overcome the Mighty Tigers of Clemson.

Clemson Tigers 2008 ACC Conference Champions. Believe it.

THE SOUTHEASTERN CONFERENCE

WARNING: If you are prone to fits of anger or have a weak heart do not read any further.

The Georgia Bulldogs will NOT win the Southeastern Conference title or the Eastern Division.

As much as it pains me to say this. The Dawgs are undisciplined.

And to make matters worse….

The Dawgs have THE toughest schedule in the nation.
AT South Carolina
AT Arizona State
Alabama
Tennessee
AT LSU
Florida at Jacksonville
AT Auburn

The Mighty Florida Gators WILL win the Eastern Division of the Conference.
Why?
Two words for you…Tim Tebow.
Enough said.

The Team that will represent the Western Division of the Conference in Atlanta will be decided when LSU travels to Auburn on September 20th.

My Pick?
The Auburn Tigers

Florida Gators and Auburn Tigers in Atlanta for the Conference Championship.

The 2008 Southeastern Conference Champions will be the Florida Gators

CONFERENCE USA

Look for the Golden Eagles of Southern Miss to win the Eastern Division of the Conference with the Thundering Herd of Marshall hot on their heels.

The Western Division will be decided when the Houston Cougars and the Tulsa Golden Hurricanes meet in Texas on November 15th.

My Pick?
The Houston Cougars will win the Division and the Conference Title.

EDITORS NOTE: I still think the name “Golden Hurricanes” sounds dirty.

THE BIG EAST

This one will be easy….

Light those Couches!

The West Virginia Mountaineers will win it all in the Big East.

PAC 10

I really don’t care and neither should you, but if I have to pick a team….

The Arizona State Sun Devils will win the PAC 10 Conference Tilte this year.

EDITORS NOTE: You can’t stop a man from dreaming…..

The MAC, YAC, Paddy WAC Give my dog a bone Conferences…..to include “Independents”.

Does it really matter?

No it doesn’t.

 

Only 18 Days until Kickoff……

Your College Football Picks for the first games of the season will be posted….soon.

RTR
MEB

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4 Responses to College Football Pre-Season Extravaganza Pt II

  1. TheBamaPrincess on August 11, 2008 at 10:53 am

    Um – do the Golden Hurricanes play the Evergreen State Geoducks? Just curious, you know? The BamaPrincess

    PS = This post rocks!

  2. MEB on August 12, 2008 at 7:31 pm

    Thank you Bama Princess!

    Gosh I hope they don’t play….just thinking about seeing the two schools mascots makes me sick to my stomach.

    RTR
    MEB

  3. Go Bucks Michigan Sucks! on August 13, 2008 at 5:25 pm

    re the Independents

    I apologize, but I can’t remember at the moments which sports magazine did it (sporting news, SI, etc.) but here in lovely Kansas City, MO, I was at the local Barnes and Noble and saw the Big Ten review issue of whichever sports magazine did this had NOTRE DAME on the cover!!! Do I have to mention that ND is an independent and that we only have 11 schools in the Big Ten???

  4. MEB on August 17, 2008 at 7:16 pm

    GBMS…..Welcome to the CFBWIZARD!!!

    RTR
    MEB

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