Friday Update

June 6, 2008

Ladies and Gentlemen –

These are what I like to refer to as the “Dog Daze” of College Football when the college football players have yet to report to summer camp and kickoff is still three months away.

It is depressing really, especially when you consider the alternative this time of year for “sports” on television.

CLASSIC POKER: On first glance I thought this was going to be an old grainy adult movie from the 1960’s, but instead I saw a bunch of knuckleheads setting around a table playing cards.
If you find this entertaining, let me be the first to tell you that you don’t have a life.

CLASSIC BOWLING: First things first; Bowling is NOT a sport.
Why do I make such a bold claim?
Simple: If you can wear plaid pants and a funny shirt and drink beer while you are engaged in a particular activity, then it’s not a real sport. (See Golf)

EDITORS NOTE: What’s next “Classic Badminton”?

CRICKET: In the South we don’t play with crickets we fish with them.

LACROSSE: If I wanted to see men in funny shorts chase each other around with fishing nets then I would go to the Pro Bass Tournament in South Alabama, at least alcohol is involved there.

WOMEN’S BEACH VOLLEYBALL: You had me at “women in swim suits”, but the rest of this is just stupid.
It’s like trying to make sense out of watching “Baywatch”.

LUMBERJACK CHAMPIONSHIPS: I hate when ESPN airs these programs! They remind me that I have work to do in the yard instead of watching a replay of the 1992 Sugar Bowl.

HOCKEY: Why would I watch people with a bad dental plan when I just got back from my wife’s family reunion in eastern Kentucky?

SPELLING BEES: Yes, that has actually been shown on ESPN, can you believe it?
What’s next, “Classic Spelling Bee Moments”? God Help us……

PROFESSIONAL BASEBALL: One question; Why does each team have to play 1,625 games in a single season and then STILL have to play a seven game series to determine who the actual Champion is? How long does their season last anyway, eleven and a half months out of the year?

PROFESSIONAL BASKETBALL (MEN): You pay players a zillion dollars a year and they can’t hit a foul shot and you expect me to believe this is a “professional” sport?
As to their year long season, please see professional baseball above on schedules and playoff information.

PROFESSIONAL BASKETBALL (MEN-LITE): I know that many of you may be outraged by my categorization of these amazons as “men-lite”. The truth is, the only diffrence between them and their more masculine counterparts are somewhat fewer tattoos and a higher percentage of lesbians.

TRACK & FIELD: The only thing more boring than track is field.

THE OLYMPICS: When you have a “committee” that is actually “studying” the possibility of making Poker, Bicycle Jumping and Yoga an Olympic event then you have a bunch of gibbering idiots that wouldn’t know a REAL sport if it tackled them.

Also, do I care that Olympic athlete Chang Wang Woo once had polio and likes Velvetta?
The answer is NO, I do not.

SOCCER: The First Rule of any “Sport” is this: If Frenchmen can play it then it’s NOT a real sport. And before you attack me with “everybody plays soccer” let me say this: If my beloved University has a soccer team I am blissfully unaware.

GOLF: Please See Bowling.

Only 83 Days until Kickoff…..

Remember that today is the Anniversary of the Normandy Invasion: D-Day.
NEVER forget the sacrifice made by our military to secure our freedom yesterday, today and tomorrow.




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3 Responses to Friday Update

  1. The BamaPrincess on June 7, 2008 at 10:25 am

    Mike – you have GOT to send me whatever medication you are on. I was only four paragraphs in before I was laughing. I had to stop to call the maternal parental unit to make sure she had read it. EVERYONE needs to see this. Just when I think you can’t outdo yourself . . . wow. Thanks for a great start to my Saturday.

    The BamaPrincess

    PS – I think I have scared the neighbors. There is no one home but me while I read this and I am, how do you say .. . howling like a Lemur Monkey on crack!! TOO TOO Funny!

  2. The BamaPrincess on June 7, 2008 at 3:03 pm

    PS- I forgot to thank you for your service to our country!!! My family and I much appreciate it!

  3. MEB on June 10, 2008 at 1:06 pm

    Thank you Bama Princess I really appreciate it!


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