It’s the day after Christmas and all through the house……
Hardly a creature is stirring
Not even Aunt Edna and her irritable bowel syndrome

But that doesn’t matter and you really shouldn’t care

Because Uncle Todd is sleeping off his Christmas bender with sweet potato casserole
Still stuck in his hair.

Have no doubt and have no fear…..

For your reading pleasure the second installment of the Bowl games
To include the game in Atlanta with the Volunteers

I hope you all had a very Merry Christmas

Enjoy!

THE BOWL GAMES PART II

Saturday December 26th

THE EMERALD NUT BOWL
San Francisco California
Boston College and Southern California
Since this game is in San Francisco…..
Wouldn’t be more appropriate to call it….
The “If you drop your wallet you better kick it to Sacramento before you pick it up Bowl”?
Just wondering….
CHESTNUT HILL EAGLES 33-31

MEINEKE CAR CARE BOWL
Charlotte North Carolina
North Carolina and Pittsburg
The winner of this game gets a trophy that looks eerily similar to a car muffler.
Coincidence? I think not…..
TAR HEELS 24-21

LITTLE CAESARS BOWL
Detroit Michigan
Ohio and Marshall
I appreciate the fine folks from Caesars Pizza sponsoring this Bowl game…
But this game is in Detroit…
So shouldn’t this game be sponsored by..
A Bullet Proof Vest Company and a Bail Bonds Association?
I’m just saying….
COACH FRANK’S CATS 34-24

Sunday December 27th

GAYLORD HOTELS MUSIC CITY BOWL
Nashville Tennessee
Kentucky and Clemson
Anybody with the name “Gaylord” didn’t go to public school
You can count on that….
DABO’S TIGERS 34-28

Monday December 28th

INDEPENDENCE BOWL
Shreveport Louisiana
Texas A&M and Georgia
I liked this Bowl game a lot better……
When it was called the Weed Eater Independence Bowl
But that’s just me…
I’m Old Fashioned
HOW BOUT THEM DAWGS 31-17

Tuesday December 29th

EAGLE BANK BOWL
Washington D.C.
UCLA and Temple
Ah the “Nations Capitol”….
I would feel more comfortable with this game, considering the location…
If it was called the “Marion Berry Crack Pipe Bowl”
My second choice for the name of the Bowl game would be…
“Taxing the Working Class like it’s Cool Bowl”
You get the idea…
BRUINS 28-24

CHAMPS SPORTS BOWL
Orlando Florida
Miami (FL) and Wisconsin
Have you ever seen cheese that’s been left out in the Florida sun?
I am not talking about how it smells here people…
I know your Uncle Todd has been at your house for over a week and my description above is EXACTLY the aroma (if you want to call it that)
Which is currently drifting out of your front closet due to his “favorite shoes”
I am talking about cheese melting….
The Wisconsin Cheese Heads will melt in Orlando……
Believe it…
HURRICANES 38-17

Wednesday December 30th

PACIFIC LIFE HOLIDAY BOWL
San Diego Florida
Nebraska and Arizona
“Pacific Life?”
Don’t they mean…..
“The Media Whores Bowl”
I’m just asking….
CHILDREN OF THE CORN HUSKERS 31-17

ROADY’S HUMANITARIAN BOWL
Boise Idaho
Idaho and Bowling Green
I never knew “Roady” was a Humanitarian?
All these years I thought he just placed speakers and microphones for Lynyrd Skynyrd
Who Knew?
VANDALS 24-17

Thursday December 31st

TEXAS BOWL
Houston Texas
Missouri and Navy
Honestly….
You had me at “Texas”
What I wouldn’t give to be in Houston town on New Years Eve…
MO’S TIGERS 38-21

BELL HELICOPTER ARMED FORCES BOWL
Fort Worth Texas
Air Force and Houston
Ah Fort Worth…..Now that is a fine town.
But……
The mighty Falcons have a problem….
They are playing the Cougars…
Yes, it’s just that simple.
COUGARS 38-21

BRUT SUN BOWL
El Paso Texas
Stanford and Oklahoma
I wish this game was still called “The Sun Bowl”
But I don’t have a problem with calling it the “Brut Sun Bowl”
Lee Marvin and Steve McQueen used Brut….
That’s good enough for me…
CARDINAL 31-28

INSIGHT BOWL
Tempe Arizona
Minnesota and Iowa State
The “Insight” Bowl?
I have some “insight” for you….
Neither one of these teams could beat Hover High School in Alabama
CYCLONES 17-10

CHICK-FIL-A BOWL
Atlanta Georgia
Virginia Tech and Tennessee
As far as I am concerned this is still the Peach Bowl….
But that aside
The Big Chicken Sandwich goes to……
VOWELS 31-24

You will have “another” Bowl Edition out Sunday evening….
It will “Highlight” the Lesser Bowl games of the week….

And the remainder of your Big College Bowl games will be out later in the week….

Before I leave you today…..

How about those Mighty SMU Mustangs!

RTR
MEB

Today is Thanksgiving….
To most people that means three things….
Family, food and football….
And not necessarily in that order…

We have a cornucopia of rivalries this weekend……
Overflowing with hate and discontent…..
Ah, Good Times…

I can hardly wait to dig in, but before we do
Let’s be thankful for what we have and not grumble about what we don’t have….

For example, I am thankful last week Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator…..
was a rather “average” 41 and 11 or 79%, leaving me at 533 and 147 or 78% for the season.
(Noticed how I weaved the weekly statistics in so inconspicuously…..)

All things considered, we all have it pretty damn good

Happy Thanksgiving to you all

Enjoy your games!

Thursday November 26th

Texas at Texas A&M
The Lone Star Showdown
I remember the cheap shots on Colt McCoy…….
and the “down horns” signs by the Aggie players a couple of years ago…..
the bad news…..
The Longhorns remember it too….
MIGHTY LONGHORNS 43-17

Tuskegee at Alabama State
The “Turkey Day Classic” as it is known, has been played since 1901.
Which coincidently is the same year Coach Bobby was born….
GOLDEN TIGERS 24-21

Friday November 27th

Nevada at Boise State
This isn’t a rivalry game…..
It’s just and Old Fashioned Boise State ass whipping
BRONCOS 38-23

Illinois at Cincinnati
Some people are calling for a Fighting Pumpkin “Upset”
I don’t happen to be one of “those” people
BEARKATS 33-17

Rutgers at Louisville
After the Scarlet Knights lost last week to (of all teams…)
Syracuse…
The Jersey Campus was reported to have smelled like old pancakes and shame…
But then they realized they lived in New Jersey, which explained the smell.
SCARLET KNIGHTS 24-17

Toledo at Bowling Green
This is the Battle of I-75 for the coveted “Peace Pipe”
The trophy alone tells you this isn’t a fierce rivalry.
If it was a serious rivalry, the word “peace” wouldn’t be in the equation.
FALCONS 24-20

Pittsburg at West Virginia
The Backyard Brawl
The name says it all…..
Two neighbors battle it out on a chilly night in Morgantown
Light those couches…
MOUNTAINEERS 24-21

Northern Illinois at Central Michigan
This game isn’t a rivalry and it isn’t a backyard brawl…
It’s about Chippewa’s riding the Huskies like midgets in a rodeo
Sorry for the visual….
That disturbed me a little bit too..
CHIPPEWA’S 34-13

Wyoming at Colorado State
This rivalry is known as “The Border War” and it is played each year for
“The Bronze Boot”….
The rams get the boot this year, but not where they thought they were going to get it..
COWBOY UP! 28-17

Temple at Ohio
The Bobcats are playing well, but the Owls are inspired…
HOOT OWLS 33-21

Buffalo at Kent State
It’s Thanksgiving for Goodness sake….
Who wants to think about the “Golden Flashes” this time of the year?
Makes you think about Grandma getting in the dinner wine and flashing the guests
NO BULL 38-10

Nebraska at Colorado
The Children of the Corn haven’t forgotten……..
About the pasting the Buffalos gave them a few years ago…..
in fact they are still down right sore about it.
That isn’t good news for Ralphie
CORNHUSKERS 31-17

Memphis at Tulsa
I would care about this game…..
But the Iron Bowl is getting ready to come on.
Sorry…
HURRICANES OF GOLDEN 24-20

Alabama at Auburn
The Iron Bowl
The name says it all….
CRIMSON TIDE 24-14

Saturday November 20th

Florida State at Florida
This is the Sunshine State Showdown
It is played for the Governors Cup
The Tallahassee paper has reported this week…
Coach Bobby is “ready” for the game….
What they “meant” to say was ….
Coach Bobby is “ready” to go to the bathroom without assistance…
Not that this story has anything to do with Thanksgiving…
But it is the season of “sharing”, so I felt obligated to share.
MIGHTY GATORS 34-17

Virginia Tech at Virginia
In Virginia nothing is as important as the “Commonwealth Cup”
Which by my estimation……
Will stay in Blacksburg until Hell freezes over.
MIGHTY HOKIES 33-17

Miami (FL) at South Florida
Unless you have seen an actual Hurricane….
Loose in your house you cannot discount their power or destruction.
In case you were wondering, “yes”…..
I am referring to the Thanksgiving when my sister-in-law visited two years ago.
The Damage is as yet to be fully assessed.
HURRICANES 33-14

Oklahoma State at Oklahoma
The Bedlam Game for the Bedlam Bell
There is nothing more important today in the Great State of Oklahoma…
Not Births, not deaths, not bar mitzvahs, not anything.
This is it….
COWBOY UP! 31-17

Carson Newman at North Alabama
The quarter finals of the Division II College Football Playoffs
These teams played each other earlier in the season, with the Lions winning.
Different day, same result….
MIGHTY LIONS ROAR 34-31

Missouri at Kansas
This game is called the Border War….
It’s played for the “Indian War Drum” and the Lamar Hunt Trophy
Some still call this a “Civil War”, but make no mistake…
There is nothing “Civil” about this rivalry
MO’S TIGERS 38-14

Georgia at Georgia Tech
Sure, this game is for the “Governors Cup”
But this rivalry is known as “Clean Old Fashioned Hated”
That my friends, sums it up nicely….
YELLOW JACKETS 31-28

Clemson at South Carolina
The game is called the “Battle of the Palmetto State”
Coach Sweeny is an Alabama man….
And that’s good enough for me…
DABO’S TIGER 33-17

Grambling State at Southern University
The Bayou Classic
Have I mentioned lately that I’m a Coach Rob guy?
I have?
Good, I just wanted to make sure we were on the same page
ROB’S TIGERS 38-17

Rice at Houston
The Battle for the Bayou Bucket
My favorite pudding gets whipped in H-Town…
Believe it…
COUGARS 43-14

Arizona at Arizona State
This instate rivalry is affectionately known as the “Duel in the Desert”
And it’s played for the “Territorial Cup”
Which I think resembles a bucket of sand….
WILDCATS 24-21

Tennessee at Kentucky
This game has always been known as “The Battle for the Beer Barrel”
And the keg goes to…..
WILDCAT BLUE 33-24

Boston College at Maryland
This game promises chills and thrills…
Who am I kidding nobody is going to watch this damn game…
CHESTNUT HILL EAGLES 24-17

Wake Forest at Duke
Demon Deacons and Blue Devils….
Kind of sounds like Jimmy Swaggart holding his breath…..
DEMON DEACONS 28-24

North Carolina at North Carolina State
The Battle for Tobacco Road…..
The Heels have a tough defense and State has an amazing engineering department
Yeah, this one shouldn’t be too tough….
TAR OF HEELS 33-13

Texas Tech at Baylor
I doubted the power of the Red Raider’s last week…
I thank everyone in the Red Raider nation for pointing my error out….
I should have known better…
Lubbock is the Home of Buddy Holley…
Enough said, Peggy Sue
GET THOSE GUNS UP!
RED RAIDERS 43-21

Washington State at Washington
This instate rivalry game is played for the “Apple Cup”
Please note…..
If your “rivalry” game has a flower, a fruit or any members of the “Village People”
In the name, then it doesn’t count as a “real” rivalry, sorry.
I don’t make the rules, I just enforce them.
HUSKIES 17-10

Ole Miss at Mississippi State
The Egg Bowl….
Few rivalries outside the Iron Bowl are bitterer than this contest….
I can feel the heads of Mississippians nodding everywhere….
I wish I had better news Bulldog Jim….
REBELS 33-17

Syracuse at Connecticut
Not that I care because I don’t…….
But I have obligations too….
HUSKIES 24-21

New Mexico at Texas Christian
I can’t say that I have actually seen a horned amphibian ride a Lobo…
Not even on the Animal Planet….
But rules like records are meant to be broken…
(My personal motto….)
HORNED FROGS 43-10

Southern Miss at East Carolina
I have gotten back in good graces with my Hattiesburg faithful…
So I don’t intend on taking a step backwards at this point….
Let’s face it….
Few things in life are as good as Mississippi BBQ….
A man has to have his priorities….
GOLDEN EAGLES 31-17

Central Florida at UAB
What the hell is a “Blazer” anyway?
Something on sale from the Men’s Warehouse?
That’s a stupid mascot….
Everybody Run! Here comes a Sport Coat!
I don’t get it…
GOLDEN KNIGHTS 38-17

Tulane at Southern Methodist
My Proud Ponies are a “win” a way from going to a Bowl game…
They won’t disappoint me….
MIGHTY MUSTANGS 34-23

Marshall at Texas El Paso
Three simple words here….
WE ARE MARSHALL 31-24

Utah at Brigham Young
This is the “Holy War” for the “Beehive Boot”
I can’t say I have ever put my foot in a boot full of bees….
But I saw this dumbass in Michigan once…
Never mind those people from Michigan have suffered enough…
TWO UTES 33-31

Utah State at Idaho
This game is being played at the home of the Vandals….
I respect people whose mascot looks like a foam rubber Genghis Khan…
THE MIGHTY KHANS 38-17

Arkansas at LSU
The Battle for the four foot tall “Golden Boot”
The past two years it has resided in Fayetteville….
There won’t be a change of address left at the Post Office this year….
RAZORBACKS 34-24

Notre Dame at Stanford
The winner of this game wins the “Legends Trophy”
I am assuming by the title it has Knute Rockne’s skull atop the trophy…
Which is creepy…
CARDINAL 34-31

New Mexico State at San Jose State
I would watch this game but the Animal Planet has a “Thanksgiving” Special
On the dental hygiene of the platypus
Don’t laugh….
It will be a hell of a lot more entertaining than this game…
JOSE CUERVO 34-10

UCLA at Southern California
The Battle in the City of Botox Angels for the “Victory Bell”
Gosh, I would care, but I have to do my laundry, sorry….
BRUINS 33-31

Navy at Hawaii
This game reminds me….
I want to wish a Happy Thanksgiving to “Dog the Bounty Hunter”
I love those guys…
MIDSHIPMEN 34-17

I hope you all have a Happy Thanksgiving….
And a great weekend of college football….

Stay tuned…
There is more to come..

RTR
MEB

I interrupt the “Iron Bowl” edition for important late breaking college football news

Please accept this news release for widest dissemination:

Great News for Irish Fans
Released by University of Notre Dame Athletics

Rise up Irish fans!
A new day is dawning.
Recently Northeastern University announced it was going to drop its storied football program.
This would create a void and imbalance in the powerful Colonial Athletic Association standings.
What better way to restore the “program” to those glory days of yesterday…….
Than moving up to Division I-AA’s Colonial Athletic Association!!
We’ve seen turmoil, angst, and much gnashing of teeth lately, and frankly, it needs to stop.
With many options on the table and after careful consideration……
Notre Dame Athletics has decided to accept the invitation of CAA to join its illustrious ranks!!
With such bellwethers as Hofstra, Rhode Island, & James Madison the competition will be stiff.
But, before long, with Charlie Weiss leading his innovative offense…….
We could very well capture the CAA crown and make a run for an FCS championship!!!
Who wants to play in an antiquated and, frankly, quite biased BCS system………
When we can be involved in an actual PLAYOFF for a NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP!!!
People all over have clamored for years for a playoff.
Well, YOU’RE WISH HAS COME TRUE…..TODAY!!!
And before the naysayers jump & scream, remember this……..
Appalachian State has beaten Michigan about as many times as we have lately.

Released by permission of Notre Dame Athletics

Mark May Recovering from Near Death Experience

ESPN studio analyst Mark May is apparently recovering from an alleged attack….
from former Notre Dame Coach and fellow analyst Lou Holtz
It was reported that after the final gun sounded for the Notre Dame / Connecticut matchup on Saturday that Holtz apparently went into sputum & phlegm laced spastic convulsive fit which, unfortunately, nearly drowned May in a green gooey slime-like substance.
May, visibly shaken, and clearly unconscious was rushed to a nearby hospital where he was given antibiotics and an alcohol bath and placed in intensive care.
He was removed from the ICU on Monday morning and talked to his lawyer.
Counsel has stated that May will pursue a civil suit against Holtz for reckless endangerment. “You know, it’s flu season,” stated May’s lawyer. “You’ve got regular flu, swine flu, hell, there’s no telling what could have been in that snot rocket that Holtz launched. Maybe even the kangaroo flu and who knows what was in that gunk.”
Analysts keeping an eye on the situation state that May has a good case and that he had warned ESPN for years of the possibility of just this type of episode.

Jimmy Clausen Cold Cocked at Club

Notre Dame Quarterback Jimmy “Glass Jaw” Clausen was decked while at a South Bend eatery last night.
The perpetrator allegedly took offense to the Irish being beaten once too many times this season.
Although investigators have yet to pinpoint the violent criminal who decked Jimmy, Oregon’s famed Running Back LeGarrette “Big Blow” Blount has not been ruled out as a suspect.
Witnesses say the suspected jabber was quite large, wearing a Notre Dame jersey, and had eye black under his eyes with “UCONN? and R U KIDDING?” printed upon it. Rumors are running rampant around the Notre Dame campus that it was one of the 33 seniors that embattled head coach Charlie Weiss referred to in a post game news conference.

However the “good” news is this isn’t as embarrassing…….
As Jimmy’s latest foray into the reality series market, please see the flyer below.

If the news from South Bend wasn’t bad enough, your favorite college football prognosticator has intercepted a transmission intended for the President of Notre Dame, the contents of which I share with you now…

Jackie Boy,
I usually don’t get involved with our Flagship University over in the states, but, now I must.
I mean; what the hey?
For the love of Mother Mary, what are you doing over there?
You must understand that you’re giving all of us here in the church a black eye.
I thought you knew what you were doing when you got this guy but all he’s doing is eating us out of house and home.
Holy Mother Teresa, you’ve got to do something.
We put up with the minority hire, Ty Willingham.
Now we’re putting up with this horizontally challenged hire, Charlie Weiss.
Whatever you do, just hire a normal coach. I don’t think that’s too much to ask.
For the love of Peter, we got beat by a color!! Who’s afraid of a color?
I could see it if Stanford’s mascot was an actual cardinal, like a bird or one of my underlings running around here at the Vatican.
But, you got beat by a color!!! And the symbol is a tree!!! Whoever heard of a red tree?
Look, we’ll front the money for the buyout like the last couple of times, but, for the love of the almighty, get us a coach that might be able to actually coach. Saturday evenings are pretty sad.
We’re getting beaten by a bunch of protestants. Ooooooh, the inhumanity of it all.
Signed
John Paul II
Pope

Your regularly scheduled programming will resume tomorrow with the “Iron Bowl” edition
and following that the Week 13 College Football Picks.

RTR
MEB

Much like my University’s mascot…
I have the memory of an elephant and I hardly ever forget anything.
As you might imagine, it’s a curse and blessing.

That being said….
I remember the following quotes from some noted Sports publications and commentators
back in August of this year before the college football season began.

Sports Illustrated

“Pete Carroll and the Trojans are even better than they were a year ago…”

“The Mighty Men of Troy will once again breeze through the PAC 10 and be in the National title picture…”

“Pete Carroll is the best college football coach in the country, hands down”

Fox Sports

“The Southern California Trojans won’t miss a beat this year…..
and their defense will be even better than it has been the past several years, and that is scary…”

“Coach Pete Carroll has one of the top two college football teams in the Nation”

Lisa Horne of Fox Sports

“Like it or not, Pete Carroll and the Southern California Trojans will be in the National Title game this year….”

“Matt Barkley will lead the Trojans to the National Title game….”

“Matt Barkley “may be” the first freshman to win the Heisman trophy…”

College Football News

“The Trojans will win the PAC 10 title hands down and will be in the National Title game at the end of the season…”

“The Men of Troy’s defense is scary good and even better than it was a year ago…”

ESPN

“Nobody in the PAC 10 can touch USC; the only question is who they will face in the National title game”

“Pete Carroll has assembled his finest team since his arrival on the Trojan campus”

ESPN’s Mark May

“Pete Carroll has such a wealth of talent at every position, all he has to do is reload”

“The Southern California Trojans will face either Texas or Florida in the National Championship game….
but Pete Carroll’s Trojans will definitely be in the title game.”

“Once the Trojans defeat Ohio State, nothing will slow them down until the National Title game”

CBS Sports

“Like it or not folks, the National Title will have to go through Pete Carroll’s Trojans”

THE CFB WIZARD

Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator didn’t pick the Trojans to win anything….
not the conference title or be in the national title hunt.

And the emails flowed in with that prognostication didn’t they?

Some called me a “Trojan Hater”

Other emails from California and irate Trojan Fans called me far worse names.

Now after a school known more for their SAT scores than touchdowns…
Torched the Trojans for 55 points on “Homecoming” and Coach Pete and the Men of Troy are
“Where?” in the Pac 10 Conference standings, I have to ask all you detractors….

“How do you like me now?”

But look on the bright side U$C Trojan fans….
At least Coach Pete shook the Stanford’s Coach’s hand at the end of this game…
unlike the snub he gave him two years ago when the Cardinal Beat the Trojans at home.
So I guess, that counts for something…

THE HILLS ARE ALIVE WITH SOUNDS OF STUPIDITY

Life is funny sometimes.
Just when you think some things have changed, they remain the same.
Take the University of Tennessee for instance..
Just when you think they Volunteers have a Football Coach…
that will restore a tattered reputation away from “Thug University”
and bring discipline back to a program that couldn’t spell it during the Phil Fulmer era….
once again we find ourselves back where we started.

In the event you haven’t heard or read about the three Tennessee Football players recent arrest
let me give you the “Low Lights” of the three Orange clad prodigal sons of stupidity.

Three Tennessee football players, one a “star” recruit and wearing his “Tennessee football regalia”
attempted to rob at gun point using a pellet gun, people in a vehicle at a truck stop
in the very same town in which they live and play football.

As you might imagine, it doesn’t end there….

One player was released by the police..
after presumably rolling over on the other two
and the other two players posted their bond that was set at $19,500 dollars each.

Tennessee Athletic Director Mike Hamilton had this to say…..

“We are evaluating the circumstances surrounding the incident before we make a decision”

Tennessee Football Coach Lane Kiffin had this to say……

“We are gathering all information until we make a decision…”

EDITORS NOTE: I wrote the very lines you are about to read…
time and time again about the same lousy excuses provided by Fat Phil Fulmer
and the then alcoholic Athletic Director at the University of Tennessee for similar incidents and some far worse.

So for the benefit of Coach Lane Kiffin and Athletic Director Mike Hamilton, let me make this one simple for you, O.K?

Wait for it…..

Wait for it….

There are ALREADY is plenty of “information” available to make a “decision”, it’s all in the police report, you two dumbass’s.

I sure hope that helps.

But I have two questions for Coach Lane, Mike Hamilton and all the loyal Volunteer Fans out there.

Who paid their bail and who is paying for their attorney’s?

Because it damn sure isn’t them or their families and we all know that don’t we?

More later in the week..

So stay Tuned…

RTR
MEB