As I predicted some weeks ago…..
Despite the fact we are several months away from Halloween…..

The Great Pumpkin is beginning to rise from the Pumpkin Patch!

That monolithic creature in Orange known as Fat Phil Fulmer has support from the University of Tennessee Board of Trustees to become the next Athletic Director at the University of Tennessee.

Yes it’s true.

Despite not having any experience in running any athletic department, managing a budget or even managing his own football team Fat Phil actually has support within the board of trustees and within some elements of the volunteer fan base to become athletic director.

And some of you actually wonder why I pick on the Volunteers?

I think this is an excellent time to remember just a few details during the “coach” Fulmer rein at the University of Tennessee.

EDITORS NOTE: Please feel free to play…..
“The Way We Were” in the background as you continue reading.

Then Assistant coach Phil Fulmer and athletic director Doug Dickey concocted a scheme to dispose and subsequently fire Volunteer legend and then head football coach Johnny Majors while coach Majors was in the hospital for a potential life threatening heart ailment.

Yes friends, that’s how Coach Phil “took over”; by screwing his “mentor”.

Should I mention that there are five NFL players who have been found guilty of committing murder the past few years and four of them played at the University of Tennessee under Coach Fulmer?

To say nothing of Coach Fulmer’s tolerance of rape armed robbery arson resisting arrest threatening law enforcement officers and any other number of crimes and misdemeanors while he was Head Football Coach at the University of Tennessee.

And wasn’t it amazing how Phil’s own “personal” attorney Jeff Haygood always seem to be present to “represent” the football players through their legal woes?

Say, isn’t that an NCAA violation?

Maybe I am being too harsh here.
After all I am sure top of the line legal counsel is hard to come by when you are a student athlete with little or no income and you are facing charges of rape of an underage mentally challenged girl in the athletic dormitory.

Don’t worry folks….
Coach Fulmer said he would “review the incident and take care of it internally”

He made that statement “after” he and his attorney met with the witnesses to the crime before they had a chance to meet with the police investigators.

That kind of sounds like he was interfering with a felony investigation, doesn’t it?
The Knoxville Police Department sure thought so.

But yet nothing happened to the rapist or coach Fulmer……
I guess the rape of an underage mentally challenged girl by one of his players isn’t that important to Phil because he took care of it “Internally”

Like so many other things during Coach Phil’s rein, it was all taken care of “Internally”

The scandal that involved changing grades for football players so they would be eligible to play was taken care of “internally” and within the “Tennessee Family”.

And who can forget the “walking classes” for football players and the embarrassment it caused the University of Tennessee, particularly when some of the players got a “D” in walking.

It was all handled “Internally”

EDITORS NOTE: I still can’t believe it was a three credit hour course

Do any of you remember the academic scandal Coach Phil started that involved classifying potential student-athletes as “mentally challenged” so they wouldn’t be held to the same standard of NCAA college eligibility?

When the news of that leaked out, you guessed it….
It was all handled “Internally” and within the “Tennessee Family”

EDITORS NOTE: Nothing says confidence in your student athlete’s mental acuity quite like classifying them as “Retarded”.

Does anyone want to discuss Coach Phil’s 6% graduation rate on the football team?

EDITORS NOTE: In case you were wondering….
The average graduation rate for football players across the Southeastern Conference is 53%

This to say nothing of Phil’s knowledge of the NCAA violations of then Tennessee Quarterback Tee Martin and his “allowance” he received from a University of Tennessee Booster in Mobile, Alabama.

And just for the record: when Doug Dickey and Phil Fulmer didn’t report it, that my friends is an NCAA Violation of Biblical Proportions.

But that was o.k. because……
It was all handled “Internally” and within the “Tennessee Family”

EDITIORS NOTES: I am guessing my Ohio State Buckeye Fans are saying…
“What the Hell?”

Should I mention Coach Phil’s personal “investigation” into the University of Alabama and his string of “Secret Witnesses” that he interviewed personally at the home of Tennessee Board of Trustee and University Booster “Thunder” Thornton?

Yeah, that was all legal and above board, wasn’t it?

A hillbilly Inspector Clouseau, is this who you want running the athletic department?

The University of Tennessee has the opportunity to show some character and class with its selection of a new Athletic Director for men’s athletics and Phil Fulmer possesses neither of those qualities.

And let me take this a step further….

If “winning” is more important to you than the prosecution of someone that raped an underage mentally challenged girl, then you should fear for your soul.

RTR

THE CFB WIZARD

Time to take a break from shopping and wrapping presents…
Forget about the tinsel and what to get Uncle Todd for Christmas for a minute or two.

Ignore your sibling bragging how your niece is a genius at 10 years old but everyone knows she eats her own boogers.

It is time for the most prestigious college football awards on the World Wide Web.

It’s time for the year end 2009 College Football Wizard Awards
(Please hold your applause)

Did I mention the awards are very prestigious?

Enjoy!

BIG TEN COACH OF YEAR AWARD

Coach Rich Rod of Michigan

I don’t know if he deserves it…
But all the Coaches in the Conference voted for him, presumably because they just “Love” him.

THE POLITICALLY CORRECT (PC) AWARD

Unfortunately this is the world we live in….
So, in honor of this plague that has ruined our nation….

The Politically Correct Award of 2009
Goes to the resident King of PC in the epicenter of all that is Political Correctness

Enclosed is an illustrated example of why he won…..
The below is a photograph of the winner of the award
Choking the “Shiite” of an University Indian Mascot in front of a delegation of NCAA ratchet heads and liberal wussys.

MAO TSE TUNG WEEPING MONKEY AWARD

This award goes to those select people that miss the old dictatorship

The award goes to…….

The Myles Brand disciples of the NCAA

The runner up for this award goes to….

The idiots that “still” follow former Southeastern Conference Commissioner Roy Kramer
If you look up “gibbering jackass” in the dictionary
It says
“See Roy Kramer”

THE RODNEY DANGERFIELD AWARD

The Award named after the late great Rodney Dangerfield
Is for the Player or Team that simply put, “Get’s no respect”.

The Winner is…..

Colt McCoy of the Mighty Texas Longhorns
He is only the winningest Quarterback in the History of College Football
His team has only lost one game in two years by a single second.
He only ran for 175 yards against the Texas Aggies….
Make no mistake he is a force….

The Runner-up for this Award

The Boise State Broncos
They just win and win a lot….
Didn’t they beat the PAC 10 Champion this year too?

EDITORS NOTE: It should be stated the “runner-up” award does not receive a trophy
Instead they will receive a number of coupons from Papa Johns Pizza.

SOUTHEASTERN CONFERENCE COACH OF THE YEAR AWARD

This award goes to “The Man” in T-Town…..

Coach Nick Saban of the Mighty Alabama Crimson Tide

Enough said…

THE 2009 CFB WIZARD LOTTERY WINNER

This award goes to Charlie Weis formerly of Notre Dame; for being given 10 million dollars just to quit coaching the Fighting Irish.

EDITORS NOTE: I wish I had a deal like that one.
Let me be sure I have this right….
If I really suck at this job you will pay me ten years worth of salary to quit?
Ah O.K.

THE AWARD FOR BEST SPORTS MOVIE OF THE YEAR

Goes to…..
Coach Pete Carroll in “Probation” The Reggie Bush Story
It’s destined to be a classic

The runner up for this award in sports cinematography goes to……

Phil Fulmer in “Phil Fulmer and Krispy Kreme: A Love Story”

THE “I’M RUBBER AND YOUR GLUE” AWARD

This magnificent award goes to LeGarrette Blount of the Oregon Quacks.
This young football player put on a beautiful display of “I can dish it out but can’t take it”
after his team was defeated and he was manhandled like a ragdoll early in the season.
Young L-Bee talked mucho smack-O BEFORE the game but when it came to listening to a little payback trash afterward
he reacted like somebody had stolen his pacifier.
Nice hook, buddy. Too bad it might have coast you millions

MOST LIKELY TO BE DEFLOWERED IN THE HOOD AWARD

Mark May of ESPN wins this award hands down.
Mark’s street ‘cred’ ranks even farther down on the charts than his football analytical talent.
With no rhythm or colloquialisms to throw out during his meaningless banter with fellow analyst Lou “Lugie” Holtz,..
Marky Mark was a natural choice.

THE “SEE YOU ON SUNDAY” AWARD

This award goes to a player that is destined to play on Sundays……
The winner is Ryan Mallet Quarterback of the Arkansas Razorbacks.

This kid is crazy good….

The Runner-up for this Award

Goes to….
Shu Nama-ganahi-ziterada-siutyz-opga-grawsztu of the Nebraska Cornhuskers

That guy is good….
But his name goes all the way around his jersey.
Also…
Nobody can pronounce it.

THE BIG EAST COACH OF THE YEAR AWARD

Goes to….
“What’s his Name” at Pittsburg…..

“What’s his name” won since that self serving jackass from Cincinnati left his team in a lurch for the sunny confines of South Bend.

STEVIE WONDER AWARD

This award goes to the team or teams with the ugliest uniforms in all of college football.

The Winner of this Award continues to amaze….
They consistently conger up color combinations that would baffle a Color Blind person

For the eighth year in a row….
The Winner is the Oregon Ducks!
It is a proven medical fact
If you stare at their uniforms long enough you can actually go blind.

BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN AWARD

This award goes to two organizations that have an “unnatural” affection for one another.

The winners are….
The University of Southern California Trojans and the NCAA

Congratulations…..
You two make such a cute couple.

ATLANTIC COAST CONFERENCE COACH OF THE YEAR

Dabo Swinney of the Clemson Tigers…..

Not only is he an Alabama product….
He deserves it for bringing the Tigers back from the brink

THE LOYALTY AND INTEGRITY AWARD

This award goes to Brian Kelly
For ditching his undefeated Cincinnati Bearkats and a Sugar Bowl berth to play the Mighty Florida Gators…..
For his “dream job” in South Bend.

Thank you Coach Kelly for giving us all another reason to hate Notre Dame.

Welcome to Loserville Jackass…

THE PYRAMID SCHEME AWARD sponsored by AMWAY

This award goes to the organization that makes billions and billions of dollars
and their work force not only doesn’t get paid, and there is actually a cap on how much they are “allowed” to make during the year.

The winner of the award (again) is the NCAA……

The Runner for the Award is the……

The NIKE Corporation…
Got to love that cheap underage age Asian labor, am I right?

BIG 12 COACH OF THE YEAR

Coach Bo of Nebraska…..

I told you they would be a force to be reckoned with…
No need to thank me…

THE DRUNKEN CRACK WHORE AWARD

This prestigious award goes to
Person or persons or organizations that spend money like there is no tomorrow

This year after careful deliberations and recounting the numerous ballots
it has been determined the winner or winners (if you will) of this prestigious award ends in a tie.

The “Winners” of this award are….
The NCAA and the United States Congress……

EDITORS NOTE: Look at the bright side….
At least the NCAA is spending money that actually “have”

THE MISTER MAGOO AWARD

For the first time in a number of years…..
This award, which is reserved for teams or organizations that turn a blind eye to wrong doing…..
Does not go to the University of Tennessee Volunteers.

EDITORS NOTE: I know I was shocked too

The winner of this award goes to a person “and” an organization.

To the Commissioner of the PAC 10 Conference
and Athletic Director Mike “Hear No Evil, See No Evil” Garret of the University of Southern California Trojans
for refusing and ignoring the numerous infractions committed by the Trojan athletic department.

I will have something out for you all tomorrow afternoon
Just in time for Christmas…

So stay tuned….

RTR
MEB