Glad you enjoyed the first installment of the 2010 College Football News
And as promised…

The follow on installment for your viewing pleasure..

If you enjoyed the first article, then this should hit your funny bone in just the right place

But before I leave you to your reading…

You did get the memo that the “World is Coming to an End”

Right?

In case you didn’t get the email….
It simply says ….

The New Orleans Saints are going to the Super Bowl….

Hell has indeed frozen over….

Enjoy …..

SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA….SELF PUNISHMENT

As you know I don’t mix my sports together but this was too good not to mention.

So the “other” O.J. from the University of Southern California Trojans

EDITORS NOTE: By the above statement I am referring to the O.J. that didn’t
murder his wife and young waiter friend, just so we are clear on that…

That caused so many problems by admitting (Sort of) to accepting money to play basketball for the Trojans
which subsequently got his Coach fired…..

Remember him?

EDITORS NOTE: Again…..
This is not a reference to the O.J. that murdered two people in southern California
and was able to walk away because a jury of idiots let him loose on the streets.

Well the University of Southern California decided they would “punish” themselves over their indiscretions and guess what?
The NCAA said that was “A O.K.” with them

If you are wondering why that is such a big deal…

It’s because that NEVER happened before in the South…

As in NEVER…….EVER….

Coach Bobby Bowden and Florida State can I get an Amen?

Clemson?

Southern Methodist University?

Kentucky?

Auburn?

Florida State?

Texas A&M?

Oklahoma State?

Alabama?

Georgia?

No “SELF PUNISHMENT” allowed for any of these Southern schools
BUT the University of Southern California can get a pass and a slap on the wrist…

All because O.J…..

EDITORS NOTE: Just a reminder….
This is in no way a reference to the O.J. from the Southern California Trojans that MURDERED two people and got away with it…
Due in large part to the preponderance of fools in the Los Angeles area who showed up for jury duty.

I am convinced the University of Southern California Trojans are in bed with the NCAA and collectively they couldn’t spell justice and fairness
If you spotted them the “I’s and the S’s”

But I do have one question related to the Trojan Football program…
How do you plan on “Self Punishing” this….

FOXSPORTS – ESPN – ABC SPORTS – CBS SPORTS

You all just can’t bring yourselves to report anything negative on the Trojans?

Can you?

Not after Lame Kitten and his staff put the screws to Tennessee
and left them hanging while stealing their recruits and nearly bankrupting their athletic budget?

Not even after that?

What about Lame’s history of NCAA recruiting violations at Tennessee
and how maybe that won’t fit well with the ongoing NCAA “investigation” into Reggie Bush and the Trojans?

Nothing?

Your not going to report on Lame’s “car accident” while he was with the Volunteers?

You may not want to report anything on the Trojans….

But everybody knows…..
Take for example last week’s NFC Championship game with network prognosticator and comedian Frank Caliendo
imitating Jack Nicholson, giving his prediction for the game.
In the course of his prediction concerning the New Orleans Saints
He said: “Did you see the way Reggie Bush played last week?
He has not played that well since he signed his first professional contract to play for U$C”

Enough said….

THE WHITE HOUSE

So now the White House wants
To “examine” the legitimacy of the Bowl Championship Series.
They might as well, I mean it’s not like we have anything else going on…..
With two wars, an economy that is a popcorn fart away from collapse and unemployment that is rising faster than a hot air balloon.

I am convinced our government could screw up a two car funeral

NCAA EMAIL…..

Email intercepted from NCAA search committee for Myles Brands successor

Mr Ray,
There isn’t much being made in the media about our search for a successor for Mr Myles Brand.
I feel as if our search committee is being slighted by the lack of coverage.
We have decided to “leak” a couple of names to the press in order to generate publicity for the NCAA.
Judge Judy: A no nonsense legal eagle who could easily reign in the malcontents who incessantly complain about everything from referee calls to scheduling.
She would be able to stave off attacks by the Stoop’s & Spurrier’s of the coaching ranks with caustic wit and her forceful nature.
William Shatner: Everybody still remembers him from Star Trek.
Who better to lead this organization into the future than a Starship Commander?
We have a couple of other names in mind should the need arise: Jeff Probst from Survivor & Jet Li of action film fame.
However, we’ll hold these names until the need arises
Search Committee
NCAA

EDITORS NOTE: I guess Hitler was unavailable for an interview…

FLORIDA STATE

As we all know the Seminoles traded Saint Bobby for a Jimbo

But I have to ask…..

So you promoted the offensive coordinator who couldn’t put more than ten whopping points on the Gators to be your Head Coach?

Ah, Ok…..

TIM TEBOW and THE SUPER BOWL ADD

THE WIZARDS COMMENTARY

I just read an article in which the National Organization for Women, the Women’s Media Center of New York, the Feminist Majority and others
do not approve of an ad sponsored by Focus on the Family that recounts the difficult pregnancy of Pam Tebow when she was carrying Tim Tebow.
Because of the problems she had with her pregnancy, she was advised to have an abortion.
She didn’t heed the advice.

The Women’s Media Center describes Focus on the Family as “anti-equality, anti-choice, and homophobic” and claims…..
CBS will damage their reputation by airing the ad. Huh?
It sounds like if you’re anti-equality, anti-choice, and homophobic, then you’re probably a conservative.
Isn’t most of America really, deep down, conservative?
Don’t they really mean that if you don’t agree with them and don’t fall in lock-step with their views that you’re an unenlightened Neanderthal, incapable of logical thought?
That’s liberal enlightenment, if I ever heard it.

It also sounds like the fine folks at the NCAA, doesn’t it?

The president of the National Organization for Women claims that the ad would be “extraordinarily offensive and demeaning” to women. Huh?
You mean if you make ads ONLY for abortion, etc then no one should find that offensive.
I guess if you even have thoughts and ideas contrary to what they believe then you’re a bad, neo-con, Nazi. Riiiiiight.
Who are the real Nazi’s, the ones that want to suppress free thought or the ones who will express a thought counter to what the liberal socialists think no matter how much ridicule it brings.

I ask you?

USC VERSES USC

As you may have read the University of Southern California took the University of South Carolina to court over the “trademark” of their respective symbols
more specifically the interlocking initials of their U-S-C.

“Mister” Edelman the attorney for Southern California had these professional words to say concerning the dispute….

“Sports logo registrations are not limited to use in team colors, so there was potential for South Carolina merchandise to be mistaken for that of (Southern Cal), Edelman said.
He also suggested that the letters were more deservedly linked to the Trojans’ warrior image than to “a goofy little chicken.”
“I think they wanted to move away from the gamecock logo,” Edelman said of the University of South Carolina. “Something that is totally understandable.”

I ask you dear readers, how in the hell do you get these two symbols confused?

My take on this dispute is simple….
Listen closely Gamecock faithful….
Tell the University of Southern California and the Court to kiss your Gamecock ass.

Keep your USC symbol as it is….

TENNESSEE

It has been reported that Phil Fulmer assisted the University of Tennessee in finding the replacement for Lame Kitten.

It was further reported Phil had this to say concerning his “duties”

He stated he was ready to help make “one of the most important decisions” in the program’s history.
He also said the next coach should embrace Tennessee traditions, be mature and have integrity.

By using terms like “traditions” and “integrity” does Phil mean protecting rapist and other criminals on the team, while concocting conspiracies against your rivals?

Does it mean changing grades and inventing “walking classes” for athletes?

Or does it mean having a six percent graduation rate for your student athletes?

Maybe it means having your own personal attorney “represent” those thugs on the team
that beat up a female student that refused to do his homework and the athletes that beat up and permanently disfigured a male student at a basketball game.

I hope for the University of Tennessee, that wasn’t what he meant.

EMAIL QUESTIONS & ANSWERS

Q: Dear Sir –
You appear from your writing to be an educated man with some sense of worldliness”
So I ask you this question in hopes you will assist me in my quest for justice.
Recently I purchased a women’s brief case, yet upon arriving back at my apartment and opening the case I noticed there were no women’s undergarments inside.
I attempted to get my money back after vehemently complaining to the proprietor and accusing him of “false advertisement” since there were no ladies briefs anywhere in the case, but to no avail.
In fact they ridiculed me as I left the establishment in disgust!
So I ask you sir, Do I have a clear cut case of False Advertisement or not?
Thomas – Cambridge, Massachusetts

A: Tom, do you live in your Grandmothers’ basement and dress up in her clothes?
I’m just asking before I dispense any expert legal advice…

Q: Mister Wizard, we were all sorry to hear you didn’t get the opportunity to attend the National Championship game this year in beautiful southern California!
We were in hopes you would have the opportunity to attend one of our many diversity classes here at the Pasadena Community College, just around the corner from the world famous Rose Bowl.
In fact we have an interactive history class which would have been perfect for you!
It’s called the “Boston Tea Party Massacre Story”……
The class opens with Abraham Lincoln freeing the wrongly imprisoned Asian Americans from World War II interment camps, and establishing a coalition of partners to rebuild the Aztecs Empire after the United States military mistakenly carpet bombed them.
Meanwhile Millard Fillmore and Jimmy Carter, perhaps two of our country’s greatest leaders, destroy hundreds of Lipton Tea Bags in Boston Harbor in protest over America’s treatment of Cuba; Gloria Estefan will provide the theme music for this particular portion of the class and the award winning documentary director Michael Moore has gladly offered his services to direct the group towards the truth.
We have the entire class available on CD, would you like for us to send you a copy?
Dr. Emilio Jose T. Ricardo- Pasadena, California

A: I have but one comment on your letter Doctor
How dare you drag Gloria Estefan into your twisted world!
That woman is a national treasure!

Q: Sir, I know this is “slightly” off the college football subject…
But I know you love BBQ, so I need to ask….
How can you tell the moment you walk into a BBQ joint if it’s going to be any good?
Jim – New Iberia, Louisiana

A: College Football and BBQ go together like peas and carrots; so don’t worry about asking a question like that here. You came to the right place….
As you may know I am a bit of an “expert” when it comes to BBQ….
That being said Jim….
I look for two things right off the bat in a BBQ joint..
One…
When you walk in, you should be able to smell that smoky goodness…..
Two…
If the place has a Jukebox and Conway Twitty is playing when you walk in…
You are home…
(More on my highly scientific process later…)

Q: Greetings and Salutations Mister Wizard!
I have followed your articles concerning college football “live” mascots very closely.
Why you may ask?
Because I have the next “live” mascot for the University of South Carolina!
I have raised a rooster that I call “El Uno Con Grande Talentos”
(The one with the Large Talons)
Just imagine…..
As El Uno Con Grande Talentos enters William Brice Stadium….
Everyone in the stadium will be wearing festive hats and blowing party horns and screaming “Viva El Uno Con Grande Talentos!” “Viva El Uno Con Grande Talentos!”
Then for the finale…..The Carolina Cheerleaders can come on to the field and shout
“Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole!” While wearing festive sombreros and pulling a burro!
What do you think?
Jose – Conway, South Carolina

A: Jose you are aware this is “College football” and not bullfighting, right?

Q: Well Mister Wizard you have had quite a Year!
Your beloved Crimson Tide are the National Champions!
Southern California is in disarray as is the NCAA and Notre Dame…
Is there anything you “didn’t” get for Christmas this year?
Melinda –Bay City, Texas

A: I am very fortunate and blessed Melinda, that’s for sure.
And certainly I have had nearly every wish granted to me this year in college football.
So I have no complaints…
But If I could have but one more wish….
I wish a herd of rabid possums would attack and eat Jon and Kate and all eight of what ever the hell they are.
I am sick of hearing about those idiots
Q: So Mister Wizard, do you have any big plans before Spring Football starts?
Perhaps a vacation?
Just wondering….
The Rogers Family – Omaha, Nebraska

A: Great question and thank you for asking Rogers family.
This “off season” I will use my time to finalize my court case against the popular restaurant chain “Cracker Barrel”.
I am in the process of suing the popular chain because quite simply….
Every time I see the name it reminds me I am white….
I mean seriously, what’s next “Honky Bucket”?
No this discrimination has got to Stop!
Either that or they may pay me 12 million dollars for my “pain” and “suffering” and we can call it even.

Q: What is the deal with Mark May of ESPN!
You have been right about him all along!
My wife and I got a chance to meet him recently at a promotion for Home Depot..
They are the sponsor of the ESPN College Game Day Set, and Lord have mercy!
You want to talk about some bad breath!
Mark May’s breath smelled like ass and boiled cabbage!
It made my wife’s eyes water!
I am telling you his breath smells like my Saint Bernard’s butt!
Anyway…..
Thanks for telling us about Mark May, we should have listened to you.
Doug and Karen Shipley – Paducah, Kentucky

A: Actually Mr. and Mrs. Shipley I said Mark May was “full of crap”, I never said his breath smelled like it too.

Q: Hey Mister Smart Ass!
We Tennessee Fans don’t appreciate it one damn bit you making fun of Coach Drooly with them funny pictures!
First things first, he come from “real” coaching stock, in case you hadn’t heard his daddy was THE Coach Drooly from the University of Georgia!
Ever heard of him?
Second, he was coaching at a school that was right up the road from them LSU Tigers, and they never played him, you want to know why?
Cause they is scared of Coach Drooly, that’s why!
Third, he ain’t from California so that makes him ok in our book!
So Lay off Coach Drooly!
Slim and Scooter Watkins – Strawberry Plains, Tennessee

A: With names like “Slim and Scooter” I can only hope one of you aren’t anorexic and the other is on a Hover Round scooter,
but that being said, I was going to correct you on the name of your new coach, but frankly I am laughing too hard.

Post Season Thanks….

In my National Championship euphoria I failed to thank my sponsors and all the fine people
that not only help with this article week after week throughout the season…..
But encourage me to keep writing.
There are truly too many people to thank here…
But in no particular order I need to acknowledge a few people….
I couldn’t type a single word or have it posted without the amazingly talented Dennis
who is the single greatest webmaster on planet earth.
Thank you Dennis, you sir are the man.
I want to thank Big Paul, Matt and Hank and the Charleston “A-Team” for great ideas, tremendous humor, invaluable contributions and friendship.
Thank you to my “Royal” Family of Alabama….
The Princess, Miss Kaye and Christy, whose humor, encouragement and kindness have kept me writing, I love you ladies.
To my adopted Clemson Family
Thank you so very much for everything, I truly miss and love you all.
My Deepest Gratitude to Bulldog Jim and the Mississippi State Bulldog faithful for all their encouragement and kind words.
Many Thanks goes to my other Carolina family, Beaver Jim, Susan and the Aiken Crew for your contributions, ideas and tremendous sense of humor.
Thank you to Eric and the rest of the Oak Ridge Boys.
Many Thanks to Lee and his beautiful Texas bride, I owe you my friend.
To my family in Baja Alabama
Deke, Steve, Seminole Puddly, Arkansas Dave, Reece and Eric and the many others…
You all got me started, provided great humor, ideas and encouragement throughout the years.
I can never thank you all enough.

I owe a depth of gratitude to Col J and the Husker Nation.
You encouraged me to keep writing when I wasn’t feeling it, I thank you sir.

To all my overseas readers and contributors, thank you from the bottom of my heart.

I also want to thank the fine people at the Stony Brook Chalets in Gatlinburg

Drop by for a weekend and relax or plan a vacation with them, you won’t be disappointed.
Tell Pam and Ed your favorite college football prognosticator sent you.

http://stonybrooklodging.com/

And lastly…

As long as you continue to enjoy it, I’ll keep writing.

That’s why I do it…

Thank you all

NEXT WEEK..

The Number One Tennessee Fan on the planet
will have his commentary and comments later this week about Lame Kitten and the newest coach to Beacon Hill.

So stay Tuned..

RTR

THE COLLEGE FOOTBALL WIZARD

I am right here at my restaurant HOOT-R’s!
Located in a previously owned double wide trailer…
right off of Leadmine Road just outside of Baneberry Tennessee
Look for the lighted sign and come on in for the Biggest and Best
Tennessee Volunteer Victory party in the universe!

In case you is a living under a rock
This is the week of the Tennessee – Florida game.
And I am fixing to tell you Seven Big Old Reasons “Why”
The Tennessee Volunteers are going to whip them gators ass on Saturday.
Come on in and Let me break it down for you

ONE – The Volunteers orange color is more orange than them gators orange.
Their’s ain’t even real orange color best I can tell.
Now that we talking about it, what’s with them gators having blue with orange?
That don’t even match good.

TWO – Them gators got one, count it “One” mascot.
A damn old gator…..Big damn deal.
We Volunteers got a whole passel of mascots!
We got a student dressed up like a mountain man and he even has a rifle.
That is cool as hell!
We got us a real dog, that is some kind of blue tick hound
Which is awesome!
We got ourselves two students
That dress up like a female and a male dog in them foam rubber costumes.
Which is double-awesome!
Then we got us this ole boy in a foam rubber costume that looks like a orange!
“GO Big Orange!” Get it?

THREE – I don’t have a damn clue to what them gators fight song is about or what they doing with their arms a chomping.
But the Volunteers got us a “real” fight song!
It talks about laying around and drinking moonshine liquor and not paying no bills!
Now tell me that don’t sound like the life of Riley!

FOUR– Our quarterback is better than that damn old Tim Tebow.
Our Boy just ain’t won no awards cause he’s humble like that..
And wants the publicity on the team and not himself.

FIVE – Our Football Coach Lane Kiffin coached in the N-F-L, Ever heard of it?
In case you didn’t know that is PRO-FESSIONAL Football!
What has that Urban Myer done?
He Coached in some Pee-Wee league, big damn deal.
Also, I know for a damn fact
That Urban Myer wishes every single night he was coaching in Knoxville.
How do I know?
He come from Utah right?
When you send a picture postcard out that way what do you have to put down for the state? “UT”, I believe I done made my point.

SIX- We got us the best players in the damn country!
That’s why there ain’t nobody from Tennessee on the team!
Cause everybody from allover the country that is any good at football is coming to the Volunteeers!
What do them gators got? Some players from Florida, bigggggg deal.

SEVEN – Them gator fans ain’t sophisticated like we Vol fans is.
The closest them gator fans got to “culture” is when they walked by the yogart isle in Piggly Wiggly.
Thought that funny up by myself!

Now for Ole Hootie’s Predection:

VOLS 55
Gators 10

If you was a wondering why I didn’t pick the game as a shut out
It’s cause we got to play our scrubs sometime and them gators are lible to score on them once or twice

And don’t forget…
If you is in the neighborhood come on down to HOOT-R’s!
Enjoy the game with me and all the Volunterer Fans!
I got Possum Hot Wings and BBQ Muskrat Nuggets for everybody!
And as always something cold to wash it down with!
I will be dressed and ready? Will you?

GO VOLS!

Hootie – Out!

I don’t know about you….
But I am still higher than a Georgia Pine over the Oregon State Beavers win last night!

I half expected to wake up this morning and read about mass suicides within the College Football National Media over the U$C Trojan loss…

You can’t blame a guy for dreaming, can you?

Before we launch into Saturday’s Games let’s talk about last week.

Last Week Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator was an uncharacteristic 30 and 14 or a rather disappointing 68%….

I will however say the Boise State Bronco fans don’t really care; because I nailed their win over the Oregon Quacks…

Before I give our overall numbers for the season I think it’s about time I say…..

HOW ABOUT THE OREGON STATE BEAVERS BEATING THAT TROJAN ASS!

Currently we are 172 and 36 or 83% for the year….

Which isn’t too bad considering….

OREGON STATE BEAVERS BEAT THE BEST TEAM MONEY CAN BUY!

This will not get old for me…any time soon.

Enjoy your Picks!

CLASS ACT OF THE WEEK

MICHIGAN STATE SPARTANS: Senior Running Back Javon Ringer after rushing for 282 yards and scoring both touchdowns in the Spartans 17 to 0 win over Florida Atlantic told the post game media…

“I don’t know why you all are talking to me…Behind me is my offensive line. They did all the work and without them, I wouldn’t have gotten anything…”

Javon Ringer then proceded to introduce his offensive line one by one and then he politely excuse himself so the media and the offensive line could talk….

EDITORS NOTE: This young man is nothing BUT CLASS….Period.

QUOTE OF THE WEEK

“Nobody in the PAC 10 can compete with U$C…..”

- Kirt Herbstreit – ESPN College Football Gameday

EDITORS NOTE: Isn’t Oregon State in the PAC 10?
Just wondering…..

QUOTE OF THE WEEK (PART II)

“We are only a quarter of the way through our season…so we have alot more football to play”

- Southern California Trojan Quarterback Mark Sanchez response to being asked by Kirt Herbstreit on how the Trojans are prepared to remain “The Number One Team in the Country”…

EDITORS NOTE: Let me see if I have this right…

When asked that question the Trojan$ had only played TWO..as in 2 games.

So a “Quarter” of the Games would be what?

So, either the Trojan$ only play EIGHT games or it is REALLY REALLY easy to get a Math and Accounting Degree from Southern California…

Dumbass…..

QUOTE OF THE WEEK (PART III)

“Me and my teammates, like we ain’t no quitters…
We bring it all day long…All day….you know…
Like you wait and see.”

- Tennessee Volunteer Defensive Back Eric Berry on being prepared for the Florida Gators…

BEFORE they were soundly thrashed 30 to 6 by the Mighty Florida Gators…

EDITORS NOTE: I wonder if Mr. Berry is an English major?

QUOTE OF THE WEEK (PART IV)

“We don’t have any leadership on this team…”

- Coach Phil Fulmer on the 2008 Tennessee Volunteer Football team

EDITORS NOTE: Can we assume that starts from the top?

THE GAMES

Saturday September 27th

Minnesota at Ohio State
This week an O’So Gloden Gopher means….
A Gopher that has been fried to a crispy golden brown…
MIGHTY BUCKEYES 28-14

Maryland at Clemson
This game will be real close for two quarters….
Then it will be nothing but…
TOMMY’S TIGERS 31-17

Carson Newman at Newberry
If this game was against Mayberry I would feel different…
Because I could never go against Andy and Barney…
SPARK’S EAGLES 38-10

Michigan State at Indiana
Down go the Homers…..
Or Homer Down! (If you prefer)
Never mind….
SPARTANS 33-13

Virginia at Duke
Why? My Point exactly….
I can’t believe I did this either…
BLUE DEVILS 23-17

Pittsburg at Syracuse
This is the “Who Sucks Worse” Game …
It’s a toss up…
PANTHERS 13-10

Kent State at Ball State
Ahhhhhh……
All is right with the World when Kent State loses at ANYTHING….
CARDINALS 43-10

North Carolina at Miami
The Heels will keep it close….
But we are still in Hurricane Season….
HURRICANES 33-24

Northwestern at Iowa
What is with the “Eyes of the Hawk”?
(Which by the way sounds like a Sylvester Stallone Movie)

EYES of the HAWK 23-17
Coming to a theater near you…

Ole Miss at Florida
The Good news is that Morgan Freeman is recovering well from his automobile accident…
He is THE voice of the University of Mississippi…
Other than that Ole Miss is going to get their ass kicked…
MIGHTY GATORS 34-14

Army at Texas A&M
The Aggies finally found a team they can beat…
Congratulations…
GIG EM AGGIES 43-13

Rhode Island at Boston College
I cannot in good conscience pull for a team or a state that is living a lie…
Rhode Island is NOT an Island…
Liars…
EAGLES 38-10

Arkansas at Texas
An Old Fashioned Southwest Conference Fight….
President Nixon said the 1969 game between these two team was the game of the century..
This one will not be as powerful…
But it will be one hell of a game…
LONGHORNS 34-17

Wisconsin at Michigan
If you are a Wolverine Fan I would send the kids to Grandma’s house for the weekend…
This is going to be uglier than Coach Rod’s wife without any make-up…
BADGERS 31-17

EDITORS NOTE: Yes…It will be THAT ugly.

Tennessee at Auburn
Can you play that song for me?
You know the one…
Rocky Flop…
WAR DAMN EAGLE 27-14

Houston at East Carolina
The Cougars will keep this a lot closer that you might think…
PIRATES 27-24

Fresno State at UCLA
I wish I could watch this “instant classic” but, VH1 has a progam devoted to Singing Mexican Midgets in Sombreros…
You see my dilemmia..right?
BRUINS 6-3

Colorado at Florida State
Before you ask…
No my Sister-in-law will not be leading the Colorado Team onto the Field…
She gets car sick on long trips…
Trust me on this one…
BUFFALOS 33-28

Purdue at Notre Dame
Even after last weeks loss….
I still believe…for now
FIGHTING IRISH 31-28

Morgan State at Rutgers
I don’t even know who this Morgan guy is…
Forget about it….
SCARLETT KNIGHTS 44-10

Marshall at West Virginia
I REALLY want to pick the Thundering Herd in this one…
But I have to go with History…
Light those Couches…But not too much.
MOUNTAINEERS 24-21 

Cincinnati at Akron
Seriously….what the hell is a “Zip”?
You named your team after a “Zipper”?
What was your other choice?
“The Urinal Cakes”?
BEARKATS 28-17

Louisiana Lafayette at Kansas State
No disrespect to anything Rajun or Cajun…
This one is all…
WILDCATS 27-17

Navy at Wake Forest
Nothing says “Demon Deacon” quite like a Jimmy Swaggart “Praise-a-Thon”…..
Not that it really fits here…
I just thought it was funny…
DEMON DEACONS 28-17

North Texas at Rice
Between a Kitchen Cleanser and my favorite pudding?
No contest…
RICE PUDDING 31-28

Colorado State at California
This one will be a lot closer….
as in A LOT Closer than you might think….
DA BEARS 24-20

Oregon at Washington State
This is a GREAT time to remind EVERYBODY….
THE OREGON STATE BEAVERS BEAT the Univer$ity of the $econd Coming!
ANIMAL QUACKERS 43-10 

Texas Christian at Oklahoma
The Horned Frogs will keep this close for a half….
Then it will be time to crank up the Boomer Sooner…
BOOMER SOONER 34-17

Western Kentucky at Kentucky
You know….
I still miss Bill Keightley…. 
This one is for “Mr. Wildcat”…
WILDCATS 28-14

Central Arkansas at Tulsa
Even though I still think that Hurricane Ike was a jackass…
I have to go with…
GOLDEN HURRICANES 43-10

UAB at South Carolina
Why are the “United Arab Badminton-ers” playing the Gamecocks?

There is so much wrong with this I don’t know where to begin….
GAMECOCKS 24-10

Troy at Oklahoma State
You better keep your eye on Troy in this one…
COWBOYS 27-17 

Mississippi State at LSU
I wish I had better news for you Bulldog Jim…
FIGHTN TIGERS 38-10

South Florida at North Carolina State
You better believe it….
This is No Bull…
BULLS 27-23

Alabama at Georgia
This is THE Game of the Day….

My Dawg Faithful know that I love them…

I miss ole UGA…
and appreciate the new dawg…

I have never met a bad Georgia Bulldog fan…
Ever..

Sorry Lewis…

CRIMSON TIDE 24-21

Illinois at Penn State
I asked Jo Pa once what he thought about Jim Thorpe…

Coach said “he was the best football player he ever saw…”

Enough said…
JO PA’S LIONS 31-24

EDITORS NOTE: You may not think the above comment fits…
But it does…
 

Weber State at Utah
I cannot believe the Grill Factory has a college….
Can You?
TWO UTES 44-10

Virginia Tech at Nebraska
Before you ask…
No, I didn’t studder….
HUSKERS 24-20

New Mexico at New Mexico State
The winner of this instate battle gets a really cool Cactus…
Which is nice… 
AGGIES 27-24

Stanford at Washington
I never thought I would see the day I picked the “tree” over the Mighty Huskies…
“CARDINAL” (Singular) 24-23

Nevada at UNLV
Will the Running Rebels remain undefeated?
Yes….they will
REBELS 33-31

Sunday, September 28th

San Jose Somebody at Hawaii
Who cares…
Dog the Bounty Hunter is back on A&E on Wednesday Nights!
WARRIORS Dancing with the Stars on RAINBOWS 38-17

Enjoy your Games!

RTR
MEB

Due to reasons beyond my control your Weekly College Football Picks will be in two installments this week.

No need to worry by friends….
The remainder of your picks will be out later…

Plus, it just adds to the overall excitement of the weekend, don’t you think?

Last week Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator finished the weekend at 52 and 5, which isn’t to bad considering I started 0 and 2.

For anyone just joining us: 52 and 5 is an eye opening 91% and for the two weeks of the College Football Season we are 105 and 16 or a “Not too Bad” 87%.

I could talk about “Me” and last Week’s 91% all day long…
But we have a few games to talk about today…

Enjoy your Picks!

THE GAMES

Thursday September 11th

North Carolina at Rutgers
The Only way the Scarlett Knights will win this game is if the Soprano’s are involved in the Pre-Game warmups…
Forget About it…
TAR HEELS 23-17

Friday September 12th

Carson Newman at Bentley
Do those people in Massachusetts really think they are better than us because they named their college after an over-priced car?
Well, they aren’t.
And just for the record…
THEY Better not EVER play the Chevy Vega College in Georgia…
They will most certainly get their smart ass kicked…
Sorry…I digress
SPARKS EAGLES 38-10

Kansas at South Florida
This game is a tough one….
On one hand I believe South Florida is going to sneak by the Hawks of Jay by say…24-22.
But Coach Mark Mangino IS the third largest Mammal I have ever seen walking upright…
Behind Wynonna Judd and Phat Phil Fulmer…
HAWKS that JAY 31-24

More later…Stay Tuned.

RTR
MEB