Before we get into this week’s selections…..
I would like to “thanks” in no particular order:

The Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets
The Minnesota O’ so very Golden Gophers
Coach Drooley and the Tennessee Volunteers
Zippy the Akron Kangaroo and the entire football coaching staff at West Point….

For completely screwing up Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator’s weekly average
and sending your fans into fits of rage while dashing for the liquor cabinet.

I hope you’re happy….

But certainly this past week wasn’t all frustration and consternation….
The West Virginia Mountaineers….
Scored 15 points in the final two minutes of the game with Marshall
to win the “The Friends of Coal Bowl” and the Governors Cup.

The Mighty Air Force Falcons carpet bombed the Cougars of BYU…..

And Reggie Bush was forced to return the Heisman Trophy….
No need to thank me for that one folks…..
It’s how I roll……

Enjoy your picks…..

PRE-GAME WARM UP

Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator was a disappointing 61 and11 or 85% for the second week of the season.
That leaves us at 133 and 21 or 86% after only two weeks.
Like I said last week….
This is no time to panic; there is a lot of football to be played, so let’s get to the picks

THE PICKS

Thursday September 16th

Cincinnati at North Carolina State
I have a “gut feeling” about this game….
I just hope it’s not gas….
WOLFPACK 28-24

Concordia Selma at Carson Newman
I don’t know about Concordia, but I think I knew her brother Tommy…
That Tommy Selma was tougher than a pine knot….
Which of course has nothing what so ever to do with this pick….
SPARKS EAGLES 33-17

Friday September 17th

Kansas at Southern Miss
Call me crazy if you want too….
It’s nothing I haven’t already heard from mental health professionals
GOLDEN EAGLES 28-24

California at Nevada
Honestly I would watch this game…..
But the Animal Planet is having a “special” documentary on the Armadillo entitled
“The Armadillo: Natures little tank or possum on the half shell?”
GAYLORD THE BEAR 33-24

Saturday September 18th

Connecticut at Temple
This little known rivalry in the northeast is played for the coveted…
“Hoobastank Trophy”…
Not really, but it’s a fun word to say isn’t it?
HUSKIES 28-24

Muhlenberg at Susquehanna
Now I know what you are thinking….
Can the German girl take Susie after last week’s tussle with Juanita….
I believe she can, I heard she was a former East German shot putter
MULE GIRL 24-17

Northern Illinois at Illinois
The “Fighting Illini” continue their “brutal” out of conference schedule..
By beating the living hell out of junior colleges and technical schools within their own state.
PUMPKINS’ O’ FIGHTING 34-17

Maryland at West Virginia
I would have a lot more faith in the Fighting Terrapins if they had a really cool mascot…
Say like “The Turtle Man” as seen in the video below….
Before you ask…Yes, He is real….
But until Maryland hires him it’s time to light those couches…
MOUNTAINEERS 33-27

Click here to view the embedded video.

Arkansas at Georgia
This game features the “Hawgs and Dawgs”
Reminds me of my favorite German Ice Cream….
DAWGS 20-17

Ohio at Ohio State
Coach Frank’s Bobcats of Ohio will keep this one close…..
Right up until the time the Ohio State Marching Band….
Which of course is “The Best Damn Band in the Land”… “Dots the I”…..
Then it’s all…..
MIGHTY BUCKEYES 41-10

North Texas at Army

EDITORS COMMENTARY:
The Army coaching staff should be thankful we live in the “everybody’s a winner” society, were “trying hard” and “giving a good effort” is as important as winning.
Because if it were up to me; I would have fired everyone of their collective ass’s after last weeks game.
A blind chimpanzee with half a damn banana could motivate a team better than these dumbasses.
BLACK KNIGHTS OF THE HUDSON 28-24

Iowa State at Kansas State
This rivalry is known as “Farmageddon”…..
(Yes I’m serious)
It’s like Armageddon, only these use combines and tractors…
WILDCATS 24-10

Georgia Tech at North Carolina
The question this week at the “Varsity”…
(Which is only home to the World’s Greatest Chili Dogs…. )
Can Tech bounce back from the Rambling Wreck in Lawrence Kansas?
No, not this week, is the appropriate answer…
TAR HEELS 24-21

Massachusetts at Michigan
Coach Rod and the Wolverines continue their “tough” out of conference schedule this week
But they had better not be looking ahead…
The Keebler Elves are coming to Ann Arbor next Saturday….
WOLVERINES 44-10

EDITORS NOTE: It has been brought to my attention that I have been “unduly harsh” in my treatment of Michigan Coach Rich Rod’s wife “Rita”. So let me say this….
When reporting that Rita attended a “Maze and Blue” alumni fund raiser recently wearing nine inch clear plastic stripper shoes I didn’t mean to imply that she was dressed like an old worn out stripper.
I meant to say, the Maze and Blue fund raiser must have been located near the airport…
I hope that cleared up any misunderstanding…

Ball State at Purdue
Didn’t David Letterman go to Ball State?
Yeah, that isn’t going to make any difference here…
BOILERMAKERS 31-17

Juniata at Ursinus
Juanita is still bruised up from her tussle last week with Susquehanna…
And I understand Ursinus has a urinary infection
So I have to go with…
J-LO 28-23

Kent State at Penn State
So the “Golden Flashes” are coming to Jo Pa’s House….
There are SO many things I could say here….
But out of respect for Jo Pa, I won’t….
NITTANY LIONS 38-14

Delta State at Valdosta State
I have always been a fan of the Blazers…
But I am a Fighting Okra man….
I like it fried, boiled and pickled….
But I’m not a big fan of Okra Winfrey
BLAZERS 33-28

Vanderbilt at Ole Miss
The Commodores will keep this one closer than you might think…
A lot closer…
REBELS 24-21

Jacksonville State at Georgia State
I wouldn’t bet against these Roosters if they were playing the Dallas Cowboys
GAMECOCKS 34-17

East Carolina at Virginia Tech
Maybe it’s just me…
But the Hokies don’t seem to have the same fire since they lost their Wangs
HOKIE POKEY 31-24

EDITORS NOTE: Of course I am talking about….
The loss of Ed Wang and his brother from the defensive front of the Hokies;
What did you think I was talking about?

Brigham Young at Florida State
The Cougars will encounter a strange new phenomena in Tallahassee this Saturday
which will be their demise in this game, it’s called…..“Humidity”
JIMBO’S NOLES 34-24

Colorado State at Miami (OH)
Although Miami of Ohio doesn’t have any palm trees….
It is known as the Cradle of Coaches…
That’s good enough for me…
REDHAWKS 23-17

Air Force at Oklahoma
I was very proud of the Falcons for upsetting the Cougars last week…
But I am afraid they are outmatched in this one…
BOOMER SOONERS 43-21

Southern California at Minnesota
The “Not so” Golden Gophers lost last week to a High School team from South Dakota…
Sooooooooooo……..
LAME CHEATERS 6-3

Florida at Tennessee
Not that it’s all that important here, but Peyton Manning never beat the Gators
I just thought it was worth mentioning….
MIGHTY GATORS 24-17

Arizona State at Wisconsin
The Devils of the Sun…..
Cannot stand up to the Power of Processed Cheese Whiz
BADGERS 28-24

Defiance at Hanover
I have a question…
What is “defiance” so angry about?
They should take a tip from Okra Winfrey….
They don’t have to be angry and defiant “all the time”
HANDY HANOVER 23-10

Washington State at Southern Methodist
Coach June’s Ponies will be ready to ride this Saturday in Big D….
Believe it…
And just for the record it’s still Ownby Stadium to me….
MIGHTY MUSTANGS 34-17

North Carolina Central at Appalachian State
The Mountaineers came back from a four touchdown deficit against Chattanooga to win
Make no mistake…
The Mountaineers are for real…
MOUNTAINEERS 38-10

Hawaii at Colorado
The Warriors from the Land of Rainbow Bright…
Would fair a lot better in this game if they had Dog the Bounty Hunter on the sidelines…
BUFFALOS 34-17

EDITORS NOTE: In case you were wondering Dog the Bounty Hunter is on the A&E Network on Wednesday nights, check your local listings for times in your area.

Alabama at Duke
The Blue Devils will have a few tricks up their sleeves on Saturday…
But they are still going to get their asses kicked…
CRIMSON TIDE 38-17

Nebraska at Washington
The Huskies have a great history, with a great coaching staff and a fine young quarterback…
In fact I still love the great Coach James….
But the Huskers have the Black Shirts…
Sorry…
CHILDREN OF THE CORN 24-17

Troy at UAB
The Men of Troy gave the Oklahoma State Cowboys all they could handle last week…
They are more than up to the task this week in this instate tussle…
MEN OF TROY 33-28

Central Michigan at Eastern Michigan
I have been corrected……
The term “Chippewa’s” does not refer to “Two Utes” in the Native American Language as I erroneously reported last week.
It actually means an ingrown hair. As in….
“If you shave too close you can get a Chippewa on your face”
Hope that cleared up any misunderstanding…
CHIPPEWAS’ 33-31

Southern Arkansas at North Alabama
I respect any team that calls themselves “The Mule Riders”
But this game is in Lion Country….
MIGHTY LIONS 34-20

Baylor at Texas Christian
The Bears might win this game…….
And Richard Simmons might be heterosexual…..
HORNED FROGS 34-17

Indiana at Western Kentucky
The most interesting thing about this game…….
Isn’t that the Big Ten is coming to Bowling Green…
It’s the fact nobody knows what the hell a Hoosier and a Hilltopper actually is…
HOOSIERS 24-17

Northwestern Oklahoma State at South Dakota
If the Boys from Dakota could knock off a Big Ten team last week….
Then should be able to handle this Tire Alignment Academy from Oklahoma
COYOTES 34-17

Louisville at Oregon State
Much like Ward Cleaver…..
I am all about the Beaver in this one…
MIGHTY BEAVERS 34-17

EDITORS NOTE: In an effort to keep this a “family friendly” column…
I want the readers to take note that I did not in any way reference either Rosie O’Donnell or Lindsay Lohan in the above pick.
No need to thank me…

Eastern Kentucky at Chattanooga
The Colonels aren’t over their thrashing last week by Coach Strong’s Cardinals
and the Boys from Choo Choo Town are primed and ready….
Also, Chattanooga is the home of the International Towing and Recovery Hall of Fame and Museum, Wall of Remembrance and Gift Shop…..
So there is that….
MIGHTY MOCS 33-24

Duquesne at Delaware
Little known fact….
If you say “Duquesne” after you drank a glass of Buttermilk…
Something gross will fly out of your mouth…
BLUE HENS 28-17

Georgia Southern at Coastal Carolina
I have no idea why the folks from Coastal Carolina….
Decided to name their team the “Chanticleers” ….
But I am pretty sure you need a shot of penicillin to clear it up…..
EAGLES 28-17

Portland State at Oregon
Unfortunately this game conflicts with the VH1 “Behind the Music” Special…..
The Music and Life of Screech from Saved by the Bell….
Set your recorders now….
QUACKERS 63-0

Akron at Kentucky
I have a philosophical question….
Since Akron is known as the “Zippers”…
Is it possible there is a team out there called the “Velcro’s”?
I’m just wondering…
WILDCATS 34-10

Navy at Louisiana Tech
Lately, the Bulldogs of Tech are playing more like the Taco Bell dog..
MIDSHIPMEN 28-21

Middle Tennessee State at Memphis
The Velvet Elvis’s better bring their best game…..
I believe the Blue Raiders are motivated…
BLUE RAIDERS 24-17

Northwestern at Rice
This game will feature some of the highest SAT scores in all of college football…
Yeah, it’s that exciting…
WILDCATS 34-17

Mississippi State at LSU
Nothing says “FIGHT” quite like a game between the “Cats and the Dogs”
This one belongs to Mike….
HEY FIGHTN’ TIGERS 28-17

Marshall at Bowling Green
Last week Doc Holiday and the Thundering Herd…
Were two minutes away from beating the Mountaineers of West Virginia….
They won’t need those two minutes this week…
WE ARE MARSHALL 33-17

Tulsa at Oklahoma State
I don’t want to think about the “Prairie Wind” touching a Golden Hurricane..
It makes me feel icky…
COWBOY UP! 38-17

Florida International at Texas A&M
I don’t know how “International” the boys from Florida are…..
Unless their school is close to Epcot Center, then I guess that counts for something…
Right?
GIG EM AGGIES 43-10

Central Florida at Buffalo
I know, I know…..
It seems like every time I pick the boys from Disney they lose…
The curse is broken this weekend…
Or I am burning down “It’s a Small World”…..
GOLDEN KNIGHTS 33-28

EDITORS NOTE: If that song is stuck in your head, I apologize….
It hurts me too….

Toledo at Western Michigan
The Rockets don’t have enough fire to be called roman candles, much less rockets…
BRONCOS 28-10

Clemson at Auburn
I wish I had better news for my adopted Clemson family….
But I don’t….
WAR DAMN EAGLE 24-17

Presbyterian at Citadel
I just hope the moral fiber of the cadets from the Military College of South Carolina isn’t tainted by the arrival of bus loads of Blue Ho’s coming to campus.
BULLDOGS 28-17

Furman at South Carolina
If Chewbacca made enough money to have his own college…
Then why call it Furry man? Why not just call it Chewbacca U?
Never mind…
GAMECOCKS 38-10

San Diego State at Missouri
There is a very good reason why the Aztec’s disappeared from civilization…
They played with Tigers….
MO’S TIGERS 44-10

Montana at Eastern Washington
The Grizzles are on a mission after losing in the finals last year…..
Believe it….
GRIZZ 33-10

Maine at Syracuse
If this was a “Who has the ugliest Cheerleaders” contest…
Then it would be one heck of a contest….
OTTO’S ORANGES 17-14

Boise State at Wyoming
Bronco fans should be really encouraged in this game….
I don’t think the Cowboys have beaten Virginia Tech (yet)
Which is nice…
BRONCO’S 43-10

Fresno State at Utah State
Some people think that midgets jousting on burros is cruel and degrading…
I personally think it screams “Pay-Per-View”….
Not that it matters here…
DAWGS 33-31

Utah at New Mexico
I don’t know about you….
But a contest between Utes and Lobos sounds like a Disney cartoon movie to me…
TWO UTES 43-10

Notre Dame at Michigan State
I don’t know what is more disturbing…..
The midget from Notre Dame dressed like a leprechaun….
or their obsession with Golden Gnomes…..
GO TELL THE SPARTANS 27-24

Texas at Texas Tech
I have but one thing to say here….
“Welcome to Texas Tommy….I hope you enjoy your Longhorn ass whipping”
MIGHTY LONGHORNS 34-24

New Mexico State at UTEP
It just occurred to me…..
“UTEP” is an acronym for a Ute that has to go the bathroom….
AGGIES 23-21

Iowa at Arizona
Remember you heard it here first….
The Eyes of the Hawk will not be stopped…..
Until their meeting in November with the Mighty Buckeyes of Ohio State….
Then it’s anybody’s ball game…
HAWKS EYES 28-17

Houston at UCLA
Despite some key injuries last week, the Cougars are still dangerous…
As in really dangerous…
COUGARS 38-28

Wake Forest at Stanford
This game would be a lot more entertaining for me….
If Jimmy Swaggart was the Demon Deacon mascot….
And after getting all liquored up and having a crying jag at halftime he peed on the Stanford tree mascot.
Now that’s what I call entertainment.

Enjoy your games

RTR

THE CFB WIZARD

Everyone take your seats….
Class is in session

Just relax….
Now is no time to panic…..
It’s only the first week…

Time for a quick review before we move on to this week’s college football picks

The Ohio State Buckeyes are even better than advertised

The Kansas Jayhawks are considering a sponsorship from Hoover Vacuum Cleaner Company, thus allowing Hoover to use the motto:
“Our vacuums suck almost as much as the Kansas Football Team”

The North Carolina Tar Heels don’t have any quit in them…

Jacksonville State Gamecocks (See Above and Congratulations)

Phil Fulmer can still consume an entire 1977 Buick if it’s covered in butter and lard.

The Gator Fans wish Tim had at least another year of eligibility

Since the national pollsters were forced to “break-up” with the Southern California Trojans…..
They have found a “new love” in the Boise State Broncos.

Pam Wards voice made ear’s bleed across the state of Illinois last Saturday

The Ole Miss Rebels are currently searching EBay for a “used or previously owned” time machine.

The once proud Southern California Trojans defense; isn’t.

I still love Stevie Nicks

Lou Holtz can’t pronounce “suffering succotash”….
Without splattering the studio cameras and Mark May with spit.

Kenny Chesney is still the Elton John of country music.

And Lastly Class…..
Saturday’s College Football Games will be played on September 11th….
So let me say this in my deep Southern drawl so you get the message loud and clear.
“Hell No, I won’t ever forget and neither should any of you”

Enjoy your picks…

PRE GAME WARM-UP

Before we move to this week’s games….
I should note your favorite college football prognosticator was 72 and 10 or a substandard 88% for the first week of the season.

Like I said…
This is no time to panic; there is a lot of football to be played, so let’s get to the picks

THE PICKS

Thursday September 9th

Central Michigan at Temple
I wonder if “Chippewa’s” in the Native American language means…
“Two Utes”?
I know, sometimes I think too much…
TWO UTES from Michigan 34-28

Auburn at Mississippi State
No Upset Special here
Bulldog Jim, this one is for you….
DAN’S DAWGS 31-28

Friday September 10th

West Virginia at Marshall
This game is known as…
“The Friends of Coal Bowl” and it is played for the Governors Cup
What this game actually is…..
Is a good fashioned fist fight for instate bragging rights…
And that my friends is more important than anything.
MOUNTAINEERS 31-24

UTEP at Houston
I know El Paso doesn’t have anything to do with what I am about to say…
But is it just me, or if you stare at “UTEP” on the screen…
Does it not start looking like “TWO UTES” after about five minutes?
It’s just me? Ok, then never mind…
COUGARS 43-24

Saturday September 11th

Hawaii at Army
It’s September the 11th and Army will be spoiling for a fight…
Believe it…
BLACK KNIGHTS OF THE HUDSON 33-31

EDITORS NOTE: If the West Point Football Coaching staff can’t motivate the Black Knights to win this game on September 11th, they should all be fired on the spot down to the damn equipment manager.

Garner Webb at Akron
I am still confused as to why Akron has a Kangaroo for a mascot named “Zippy”
It just goes to show you that I have been right all along….
Living in such close proximity to the Arctic Circle causes brain damage.
ZIPPERS 24-17

Juniata at Susquehanna
One of my favorite games of the year….
The two toughest girls from the trailer park square off for bragging rights…
Juniata although well over 300 pounds looks quick as a cat in her pink “Baby Girl” sweat pants, but it does look like she has about fifteen hundred dollars worth of hail damage when seen from the rear.
Then there is Susquehanna…
She is rumored to carry a variety of weaponry in her “over the top” beehive hairdo, to include a sharpened nail file, along with an engine block from a 1967 Oldsmobile and a claw hammer.
This should be a tussle for the ages….
I am going with….
SUSQUEHANNA 2 out of 3 Falls

San Jose State at Wisconsin
Behold the Power of Cheese Whiz
BADGERS 38-10

Illinois State at Northwestern
I am not convinced the Wildcats are for real, but I am sure the Redbirds aren’t
CATS 34-10

Western Illinois at Purdue
“Leather Necks and Boilermakers”….
Sounds like a Saturday night at the Club in Camp Lejeune……
BOILERMAKERS 33-10

Georgia at South Carolina
This game will come down to who has the ball last….
Don’t leave your seats…
GAMECOCKS 24-23

South Dakota at Minnesota
Coyotes and Gophers….
This game sounds like a Loony Tune Cartoon…
O’ so very GOLDEN GOPHERS 24-17

Duke at Wake Forest
“Blue Devils and Demon Deacons”
That sounds like a game of naked Twister at Jimmy Swaggart’s house
DEMON DEACONS 28-17

Georgia Tech at Kansas
It is my understanding, in an effort to “revitalize” the Jay Hawk offense…
They have renamed the starting Kansas backfield “Dorothy and Toto”
Not that it will help in this game…
YELLOW JACKETS 38-10

Texas Southern at Connecticut
The Tigers won’t win this game…
But they do have “The Ocean of Soul Marching Band”
Which doesn’t equate to points, but they are really cool.
HUSKIES 34-10

Florida Atlantic at Michigan State
The Atlantic Owls would play better in this game if they were closer to the ocean..
But unfortunately they are near the Great Lakes, sorry.
SPARTANS 33-13

Indiana State at Cincinnati
I just have to ask…..
What is supposed to be so scary about a bunch of “Sycamores”?
Why not just call them the “Itchy Ivy” or “Poison Sumac”
That would at least frightened some people…
BEARKATS 34-10

Memphis at East Carolina
The Elvis Tigers are playing more like “Velvet Elvis’s” than Tigers
PIRATES 31-17

South Florida at Florida
The Mighty Gators better be ready this Saturday
Coach Holtz and the Boys from Tampa are motivated, and that’s no Bull.
MIGHTY GATORS 31-17

Idaho at Nebraska
You say; “Ida Ho”, I say “Ho Down”…..
CHILDERN OF THE CORN 44-10

South Dakota State at Delaware
I don’t know if a Jackrabbit can beat a Blue Hen…
But we are about to find out…
BLUE HENS 31-27

New Hampshire at Pittsburgh
I didn’t even know the folks in Hampshire played football…
I thought they were more into clubbing baby seals…
Who knew?
PANTHERS 41-10

Old Dominion at Campbell
This game will have for your viewing pleasure….
“Monarchs’ and Fighting Camels”
And the “mascot” for the Fighting Camels is called “Gaylord”
I’m serious….Gaylord the Fighting Camel
Who thinks this crap up?
MONARCHS’ 23-21

James Madison at Virginia Tech
I don’t about Jimmy, but his wife Dolly sure does make some tasty donuts.
HOKIES 43-10

Georgia Southern at Navy
The Eagles of Southern will have the Statesboro Blues by the time this one is over
MIDSHIPMEN 31-21

Eastern Kentucky at Louisville
Charlie’s Cardinal’s will have the Colonels reduced to Lance Corporals by halftime
Believe it….
CARDINALS 38-10

Florida State at Oklahoma
This is going to be a slugfest from start to finish…
Both teams are going to find out what they are made of here.
BOOMER SOONERS 28-24

Michigan at Notre Dame
This game leads me to an age old philosophical question….
Can’t they both lose?
FIGHTING IRISH 33-31

Colorado at California
I wonder if the California Bear mascot is named “Gaylord”
That would be appropriate…
GAYLORDS 3-2

Iowa State at Iowa
This instate rivalry is played each year of the coveted Cy-Hawk Trophy
Which, to the best of my knowledge…..
Will remain at the University of Iowa until Hell freezes over.
HAWKS EYES 33-14

Valdosta State at Newberry
They used to be the “Newberry Indians” but that was demeaned racist by the Nazis at the NCAA..
So now the are the Wolves or something. It’s sad really…
BLAZERS 33-17

Presbyterian at Clemson
I am convinced through my exhaustive research…
That the term “Blue Ho’s” refers to a group of female Smurfs…
Who have fallen on hard times and or who have a drug habit, which is just tragic.
DABO’S TIGERS 38-10

Kent State at Boston College
Every time I hear “Golden Flashes” I think Grandpa escaped from the home and got naked in Wal-Mart (again)
GOLDEN EAGLES 38-10

Miami at Ohio State
The Buckeye defense will smother the Hurricanes
Believe it….
BUCKEYES 34-17

Brigham Young at Air Force
I don’t want to think about the Falcons losing to the folks from Donny and Marie Land.
So I won’t
COUGARS 33-17

UNLV at Utah
Little known fact….
“UNLV” in Latin means…” Duo Adulescens”
Which as we all know means….
TWO UTES 38-10

Morgan State at Maryland
First things first…
Congratulations to the Ninja Turtles for getting the crabs from Navy last week
I only hope you got the proper ointment for them before this week’s game.
NINJA TURTLES 34-13

Ursinus at Franklin Marshall
I wonder if Franklin Marshall ever had a Ursinus infection?
I know I couldn’t help myself…

McNeese State at Missouri
Mo knows how to kick a cowboys butt….
If he doesn’t Curley certainly does…
MO’S TIGERS 34-10

Wyoming at Texas
These Cowboys get stampeded by the runaway Longhorns…
MIGHTY LONGHORNS 34-13

Chattanooga at Jacksonville State
After last Saturday…..
I wouldn’t pick against the Gamecocks if there were playing the New England Patriots
GAMECOCKS 33-28

Montana State at Washington State
I wish I could generate some interest in this game….
But I can’t…
I DON’T CARE AND NEITHER SHOULD YOU 3-2

Toledo at Ohio
The Rockets of Toledo remind me of a pack of wet firecrackers….
FRANK’S BOBCATS 31-10

Louisiana Tech at Texas A&M
These dogs haven’t seen anything like “Reveille” at Kyle Field…
Play the “Aggie War Hymn” all night long….
GIG EM AGGIES 44-17

Louisiana Monroe at Arkansas
Poor ole Monroe, he is getting ready to be introduced too…
An Arkansas Ass Whipping…
RAZORBACKS 43-10

LSU at Vanderbilt
The Music City Commodores will keep this one closer than you might think
HEY FIGHTN’ TIGERS 31-23

Penn State at Alabama
A Classic Rivalry between two historical programs
The memories of these clashes are never far from my mind…
This one will be no different…
CRIMSON TIDE 31-17

Oregon at Tennessee
This game is like trying to pick a winner in a war between Iran and Syria
VOWELS 24-23

Syracuse at Washington
One question: If Otto the Orange drinks orange juice does that make him a cannibal?
Just wondering…
HUSKIES 31-10

Jackson State at Tennessee State
This game has produced some of the greatest legends of the game….
Walter Payton, Coach “Big John” Merritt, Jefferson Street Joe Gilliam and too many others to mention here and I miss them all.
And just for the record….
The Sonic Boom of the South Marching Band isn’t too bad either…
TIGERS 28-24

Troy at Oklahoma State
I believe the Prairie Wind is getting ready to touch Troy in the naughty place.
COWBOY UP! 38-17

North Alabama at Glenville State
The Lions of Florence are the real deal..
Believe it…
MIGHTY LIONS 33-28

Tennessee Tech at Texas Christian
This game is going to be uglier than Rita Rodriguez in a bikini…
HORNED FROGS 44-0

Bowling Green at Tulsa
I still think “Golden Hurricanes” sounds dirty…
HURRICANES OF GOLD 31-24

Puget Sound at Occidental
This is dumb…
Who ever heard of being “Occidental Prone”
If your going to name your school, then at least get it right…
OXYMORONS 17-10

Rice at North Texas
I believe in the power of my favorite pudding…
Sometimes….
RICE PUDDING 27-23

Missouri State at Kansas State
The Missouri bears should have gone into hibernation sooner…
WILDCATS 34-10

Western Kentucky at Kentucky
Another instate battle for supremacy in the Blue Grass…
Not really, I was just trying to hype the game…
JOKER’S CATS 44-10

Southern Illinois at Illinois
This game features two mascots that are hard to pronounce and don’t make any sense…
“Salukis and Fighting Illini”
Which when said together quickly sounds like a fungus…
FIGHTNING PUMPKINS 28-14

Millsaps at LaGrange College
Ronnie Millsaps is playing ZZ Top?
He is blind as a bat…..
I hope he doesn’t get himself killed…
But just writing LaGrange, I can hear Billy Gibbons now…..
HAW HAW HAW 33-10

North Carolina State at Central Florida
This one is a Toss up for me….
But I like the boys from Disney World…
GOLDEN KNIGHTS 28-24

Rutgers at Florida International
Note to the folks at Florida “International”
Just because you have an airport close to your college doesn’t make you “International”
SCARLET KNIGHTS 33-17

UAB at Southern Methodist
The Blazers will be set on fire by the Mighty Mustangs of SMU…
(Thought that one up in a moment of brilliance)
MIGHTY MUSTANGS 34-24

San Diego State at New Mexico State
The Aggies were forced to give up their mascot “Pistol Pete” because he had a foam rubber gun and now they have the ridiculous “Lasso Larry” or some such thing…
The weirdo’s from the left coast thought that the “Aztec” mascot was somehow degrading to a culture that doesn’t exist and that believed in ritual human sacrifice.
At least the alumni at New Mexico State complained….
PISTOL PETE 33-28

Texas Tech at New Mexico
The Lobos take a Low Blow like a Hobo in this Big Show
(I came up with that one all by myself)
GET THOSE GUNS UP! RED RAIDERS! 34-10

Ole Miss at Tulane
Look on the bright side Green Wave fans…
No matter what happens this Saturday
You didn’t lose to Jacksonville State…
REBELS 31-17

Montana at Cal Poly
The Mighty Grizzlies of Montana are for real….
And the folks from Polly…….
Well, they are from California.
GRIZZ 38-10

Northern Arizona at Arizona State
This instate tussle is played for the “Cactus A’ Plenty” Trophy…
Not really, I just made that up…
DEVILS OF THE SUN 38-13

Citadel at Arizona
The Boys from the Military College of South Carolina won’t enjoy their trip out west.
WILDCATS 38-10

Colorado State at Nevada
The Rams let me down last week….
They won’t this week….
WOLFPACK 33-10

Virginia at Southern California
I would rather stare at an Ant Farm for three hours than watch this game…
LAME CHEATERS 7-3

Stanford at UCLA
The History of Hand Puppets is on the Public Access Channel…
Or I would make a real effort to catch this game.
CARDINAL 24-20

Enjoy Your Games….

RTR

THE CFB WIZARD

It’s finally here….
The “official” kickoff to the 2010 College Football Season…

This week we have some instate rivals and border wars….
We have Creampuffs and Wanna-be’s….
And we have a couple of games that will separate the contenders from the pretenders.

The National Anthem is over and the Marching Band is leaving the field…
My friend’s get on your feet, raise your voices in unison and put your hands together..
It’s time for kickoff…

Enjoy your picks…

THE PICKS

Thursday, September 2nd

Florida A&M at Miami
The Rattlers get rattled by a Hurricane…
Then proceed to get the living hell beaten out of them…
HURRICANES 43-14

Towson at Indiana
Don’t the folks from Towson make cookies?
Just wondering….
HOOSIERS 24-10

Shorter at Georgia State
Why are the Panthers starting the season playing a college for midgets?
I have a question: Shorter than what?
PANTHERS 33-23

Presbyterian at Wake Forest
Blue Ho’s and Demon Deacons….
Sounds like a party at Jimmy Swaggart’s house….
DEMON DEACONS 27-17

Hampton at Central Michigan
I didn’t know my favorite hotel chain had a college, who knew?
CHIPPEWAS 44-10

Norfolk State at Rutgers
I am sure my Italian friends in Atlantic City won’t be handicapping this game….
But if the Norfolk Spartans break their point spread they will be handicapped.
(But it will look like an accident)
SCARLET KNIGHTS 43-14

Marshall at Ohio State
This has the potential to be uglier than Prom Night at the school for the Blind
BUCKEYES 41-10

West Chester at Delaware
Why is Chester from “Gunsmoke” playing football?
He is almost as old as Bobby Bowden….
I just hope he doesn’t break a hip
BLUE HENS 38-17

Rockford College at Dubuque
The folks from Rockford call their team the “Regents”
What the hell is scary about that?
“RUN here come the Regents!”
I don’t get it….
DUBUQUE 24-17

Minnesota at Middle Tennessee
The O’ So Golden Gophers….
“The Other White Meat”
GOPHERS OF GOLD 31-28

Henderson State at North Alabama
They call the Henderson State athletic teams the “Reddies”
As in: “Get Ready” for the Lions to whip your ass….
MIGHTY LIONS 34-21

Southern Miss at South Carolina
This game will be closer than you might think…
But the “real” USC’s defense will carry the day
GAMECOCKS 34-17

Northern Illinois at Iowa State
The Huskies will get blown away late in the game by a Cyclone
(Film at Eleven)
CYCLONES 28-24

Southeastern Louisiana at Tulane
I am still not sure what Tulane is referring to by calling themselves the “Green Wave”
It sounds like a Port-O-John Truck turned over on Bourbon Street…
Never Mind…
GREEN WAVE 34-10

Pittsburgh at Utah
UPSET SPECIAL!!!!!!!
So two Utes with Ukulele’s go into to see Bob Uecker, stop me if you’ve heard it
TWO UTES 28-24
EDITORS NOTE:
If Lou Holtz attempts to say the above sentence he will drown Mark May in spit

Eastern Washington at Nevada
The Eagles get plucked by the Wolfpack
(Which I heard hurts terribly)
WOLFPACK 38-10

Bentley at Carson Newman
Why name a university after a car that most people can’t afford?
That’s just stupid…
SPARKS EAGLES 31-17

North Dakota at Idaho
I will really be pulling for the Fighting Sioux in this one…
Because this university hasn’t bowed down at the altar of NCAA political correctness and continues the fight to keep their school mascot and nickname and that is reason alone to love them.
But I believe the folks from Famous potatoes will outdistance the Mighty Sioux in this one
VANDALS 33-28

Southern California at Hawaii
This will be the very “best” game on at 0330 EST Friday Morning
LAME CHEATERS 6-3

Friday, September 3rd

Arizona at Toledo
The rockets will fizzle out like a pack of wet firecrackers before the first quarter…
WILDCATS 24-10

Sacred Heart at Marist
What is soooo “sacred” about their heart?
Talk about arrogant!
Doesn’t matter anyway, that Marist is a fox….
RED FOXES 33-24

Saturday, September 4th

Stony Brook at South Florida
Speaking of Stony Brook….
If you need a getaway or a vacation….
There is no finer place to escape than the Stony Brook Chalets in Gatlinburg.
It doesn’t get any better than that, anywhere and that’s no Bull.
Be sure and tell them Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator sent you
http://www.stonybrookchalets.com/
BULLS 38-10

Tennessee Martin at Tennessee

CORRECTION: The Tennessee Volunteers will NOT be playing against Tee Martin, who quarterbacked their team to the 1998 National Championship. “Tennessee Martin” is a school in the Tennessee University system located in west Tennessee.
I hope this has cleared up any misunderstanding for the Volunteer fan base.
VOWELS 58-10

Samford at Florida State
This will be the first game that Coach Bobby hasn’t been on the Seminole sidelines…
Since the close of the Spanish-American War….
It’s kind of sad really….
NOLES 53-10

Miami (OH) at Florida
This is going to be uglier than Janet Reno in a bikini contest…
Sorry, I kind of threw up a little bit with that one…
MIGHTY GATORS 44-17

Chadron State at Pittsburg State
Finally a team with a mascot that is representative of their Cheerleaders!
GORILLAS 33-21

Western Michigan at Michigan State
Another “big” battle in the State of Michigan…..
And that is exactly why nobody cares….
SPARTANS 34-17

Youngstown State at Penn State
There is NO truth to the rumor that Bobby Bowden will attempt to coach the Penguins this Saturday
in an attempt to “finally” beat Jo Pa.
FEAR THE GLASSES 41-10

Eastern Illinois at Iowa
The Panthers have the same chance of winning this game…
as Rosie O’Donnell does of being a Victoria’s Secret model.
EYES OF THE HAWK 34-3

Louisiana Lafayette at Georgia
U La – La will be getting a rajin’ butt whipping between the hedges, believe it
DAWGS 34-10

Illinois at Missouri
This border clash is known as the “The Arch Rivalry”
MO knows rivalry games….
MO’S TIGERS 31-28

Appalachian State at Chattanooga
The Mighty Moc’s will keep this one close….
Right up until the opening kick-off….
MOUNTAINEERS 43-10

South Carolina State at Georgia Tech
You want to know the best thing about this game?
The stadium is close to the “Varsity” which is only the home of the World’s Best Chili Dogs
YELLOWJACKETS 44-10

Weber State at Boston College
The boys from my favorite outdoor grill college gets smoked on Chestnut Hill….
(Thought that up myself)
EAGLES 44-0

Colorado at Colorado State
I love instate rivalry games early in the season….
The Rocky Mountain Showdown for the coveted Centennial Cup
or as I like to refer to it….
The first nail in Dan Hawkins coaching coffin….
RAMS 33-31

Northwestern State at Air Force
This won’t be the first time the Air Force have bombed a group of Demons…
Nor will it be the last…
FALCONS 34-10

Kentucky at Louisville
The Battle for the Bluegrass and the winner takes home the Governor’s Cup.
Two new coach’s make their debut in one of the biggest games of the year for both teams.
In this game I believe a Joker will beat a Strong deck of Cards…
But not by much…
WILDCATS 24-21

Chowan at Citadel
What in the hell is a Chowan anyway?
Is it a dog, like half Chow half Malamute?
That doesn’t make any sense….
BULLDOGS 28-10

Connecticut at Michigan
Coach Rod’s wife “Rita” has promised to “ugly” the Wolverines to Victory this week
I am not sure what that means, but it makes me nauseous just thinking about it…
WOLVERINES 28-24

Millikin University at Illinois College
Let me be sure I have this right…
So the “Big Blue” is playing against the “Blueboys”
I would be “blue” too if I lived that far north….
BLUE 17-10

Savannah State at Georgia Southern
This is an excellent time to say…
I still miss Erk Russell…..
SOUTHERN EAGLES 33-17

Jacksonville State at Ole Miss
Sometimes you feel like a Nutt……
That would be about now…
REBELS 34-10

North Texas at Clemson
“Mean Green” sounds like a kitchen cleanlier to me….
They could come in handy to get the blood off their uniforms after their visit to Death Valley
DABO’S TIGERS 38-17

Western State at Montana
These Mountaineers will most certainly be mauled by the Grizzlies…..
Believe it….
THE GRIZZ 43-10

Coastal Carolina at West Virginia
Smoldering, smoking couches in the morning smells like….
Victory!
Light those couches!
MOUNTAINEERS 53-10

Coe College at Iowa Wesleyan
So “Coe College” is known as the Home of the Kowhawks?
O.k., now people are just making up mascots…
Then what about calling themselves “Cow-Hawks”
It’s a flying cow that is a bird of prey..
It could be very scary if your lactose intolerant and afraid of the bird flu…
Never mind..
COWBIRDS 21-17

UCLA at Kansas State
I would watch this game but…
“Breakin’ 2 Electric Boogaloo” will be on TBS at the same time, sorry.
(It’s going to be shown with limited commercial interruption)
BRUINS 21-17

Purdue at Notre Dame
This instate rivalry game is played for the “Shillelagh Trophy”
Which sounds kind of nasty if you ask me….
FIGHTING IRISH 24-21

EDITORS NOTE: I am just thankful Virginia Tech doesn’t play for something like this, could you imagine the headlines last year? “Hokies Wang waves his Shillelagh”

Texas at Rice
My favorite pudding gets breaded in a stampede…..
MIGHTY LONGHORNS 43-17

New Mexico at Oregon
The “Lobo’s and the Ducks”; this sounds like a Scooby Doo episode…
QUACKERS 5-3

UC Davis at California
I had every intention of watching this game…
But I understand the Food Channel is having a documentary on “The History of Macaroni”
O’ so GOLDEN BEARS 7-3

Azusa Pacific at San Diego
“Azusa” sounds like a fungus, which is gross…
But to be honest “Toreros” doesn’t sound a whole lot better….
I can hear it now..
“Jimmy don’t scratch your Toreros or they will get a Azusa on them…”
Sorry I mentioned it….
TOREROS 17-10

Western Carolina at North Carolina State
I still think a “Catamount” sounds like…
An experiment at the taxidermy academy that went horribly wrong…
WOLFPACK 27-17

Richmond at Virginia
Neither of these teams could beat Southlake Carrollton High School….
So it’s a tossup….
CAVALIERS 21-17

Syracuse at Akron
The “Oranges and Zips”….
This sounds like one of those fruity drinks with an umbrella in it…
That’s about right…
ORANGE 23-21

South Dakota at Central Florida
The Coyotes from South Dakota will be mesmerized by seeing “sunshine” for the first time and be too distracted to play the game, causing an embarrassing delay in the telecast.
GOLDEN KNIGHTS 38-10

Sacramento State at Stanford
Unfortunately this game comes on at the same as….
the “Amish Butter Churning Championships” on ESPN 4 “The Cuatro”…..
My money is on Ishmael in this one….
CARDINAL 33-0

Wofford at Ohio
I like Coach Frank Solich and I believe this is the year of the Bobcat….
FRANKS CATS 28-17

Arkansas State at Auburn
I have a feeling the Red Wolves will be two touchdowns behind by the time they hear…
“And the home of the brave….”
WAR DAMN EAGLE 54-0

Tennessee Tech at Arkansas
These “Golden” Eagles will be extra crispy by halftime…..
HAWGS 58-10

Elon at Duke
Following this Blue Devil victory all the Duke fans plan on rushing the field and tearing down the goal posts. Unfortunately, without the use of heavy equipment that feat is almost impossible to complete with only four people.
BLUE DEVILS 10-7

Western Kentucky at Nebraska
The Hilltopper mascot looks like something Nebraska’s mascot Lil Red threw up….
CHILDREN OF THE CORN 44-10

Washington State at Oklahoma State
The Cowboys could not show up for the game and still win this one…
COWBOY UP! 34-14

EDITORS NOTE: For the Cowboy Fans…
Where has the prairie wind touched you lately?

Utah State at Oklahoma
The Aggies might win this game……
Just like somebody might find Jimmy Hoffa…..
(By the way, he was in row 53, section C of the old Giants stadium…don’t ask me how I know, just take my word for it)
BOOMER SOONER 44-10

Sam Houston State at Baylor
I cannot in good conscience say anything derogatory about Sam Houston…
He was the Hero of San Jacinto….
BEARKATS 24-20

Stephen F. Austin at Texas A&M
I can’t say anything bad about Stephen F. Austin either….
South of the Red River that’s a sin….
GIG EM AGGIES 43-10

San Jose State at Alabama
Welcome to Alabama….
We hope you enjoy your ass whipping
CRIMSON TIDE 38-17

Memphis at Mississippi State
Nothing like a game between the “Cats and Dogs” to get things started…
This one is for you Bulldog Jim…
BULLY DOGS 38-10

Army at Eastern Michigan
I wish the Black Knights of the Hudson could win this game, but they won’t….
EAGLES 24-20

North Dakota State at Kansas
Coach Turner Gill will have Jay’s Hawks ready for the Bison….
Speaking of Bison, what I wouldn’t give for a good Bison steak about now..
JAY’S HAWKS 31-17

Bowling Green at Troy
If you know anything about history…
Then you know Helen of Troy was known as a beautiful woman….
And I will tell you for a fact….
That she still is, even after all those years running that Feed store outside of Troy
MEN OF TROY 31-27

Washington at Brigham Young
No Upset Special Here…
The Huskies are just that damn good….
HUSKIES 33-31

Northwestern at Vanderbilt
The Commodores will be outmatched and out coached in this one…
Other than that they have a real chance..
WILDCATS 28-17

Oregon State at Texas Christian
The Beavers will keep this one close….real close.
And one turnover and this game goes the other way.
HORNED FROGS 24-21

Texas State at Houston
Bob’s Cats are in for a beating of biblical proportions by the Cougars
Believe it…
MIGHTY COUGARS 49-10

LSU at North Carolina
This was going to be a good game; that was until the Tar Heels “Tutor-gate”
Now this is going to be really ugly….
HEY FIGHTN’ TIGERS 38-10

Portland State at Arizona State
The Vikings are going to disappear in the Arizona heat faster than…
a Nutty Buddy at a Weight Watchers Meeting
SUN DEVILS 34-10

Cincinnati at Fresno State
I still believe in the Power of the BearKat…
Whatever that means…
BEARKATS 33-31

Wisconsin at UNLV
I assume….
When people in Wisconsin talk about “The Power of Cheese”
They aren’t referring to cutting it….
But then again, sometimes I assume too much…
BADGERS 28-10

Sunday, September 5th

Tulsa at East Carolina
Pirates and Hurricanes of Gold….
Isn’t this the title of the new Pirates of the Caribbean movie?
PIRATES 24-17

Southern Methodist at Texas Tech
My Proud Ponies won’t have a good day in Lubbock…
All the more reason to go see the Buddy Holly museum
GET THOSE GUNS UP RED RAIDERS! 33-24

Monday, September 6th

Navy at Maryland
They call this game “The Crab Bowl Classic”
Which is in no way a reference to a toilet seat at a dilapidated truck stop on I-95.
Just so you know…
MIDSHIPMEN 24-21

Boise State at Virginia Tech
UPSET SPECIAL!!!!!!!
I didn’t stutter…..
HOKEY POKEY 28-24

Enjoy your games……
And One Last thing….

Happy Birthday to my friend “Gator” Ant this Saturday…
Enjoy your Birthday and the Gator win…

RTR
THE CFB WIZARD

As the sun sets on the end of another year….
It’s time to wrap up the Bowl season
And the National Championship

Safety Tip: For those of you reading this on January 1st……
This column is not written or designed in 3D…..
If you are seeing double
You “may” have had too much of Grandpa’s Couch Medicine last night.

As I set here in my new Urban Myer Flip Flops and prepare to return to Satan’s Butt crack
Wait, I can’t decide if I like these things or not….
Never mind….
I decided I like them…
Or do I?

Never mind….
I will wear one flip flop around for another day and decide if I will keep them.

Before we go any further I want to say
The folks in Lubbock made a bad decision firing Coach Leach..
A Very Bad Decision

You may be wondering what New Year Resolutions I will make this year

My 2010 New Year’s Resolutions are quite simple
This year I will no longer introduce myself as “Gary Busey’s Illegitimate Son”
(But I did enjoy signing all the autographs last year)
I will no longer judge people on their height, weight and color of their eyes.
Instead I will judge people based upon whether or not they like ABBA.
(They suck by the way)
And perhaps most important of all
I intend on taking more time this year to enjoy my extensive collection of…
Herve Villechaize albums of classic Love Songs

These Urban Myer Flip Flops make me jump from subject to subject
Don’t they?
I am taking them off for good….
I changed my mind, I’m keeping them

Have a Great Year my Friends……

Enjoy!

One other thing…..
For you that doubt the soothing power of Herve Villechaize classic Love Songs
Please enjoy the following short clip
And before you ask….
“No” you may not borrow my albums

Click here to view the embedded video.

THE BOWL GAMES

Friday January 1st 2010

OUTBACK BOWL
Tampa Florida
Northwestern and Auburn
With both teams in this game being of the feline variety
I would have thought it more appropriate to have this game
Sponsored by “Tidy Cat”
Never Mind…..
WAR DAMN EAGLE 33-24

CAPITAL ONE BOWL
Orlando Florida
Penn State and LSU
Lions and Tigers O’ My!
HEY FIGHTN’ TIGERS 24-17

KONICA MINOITA GATOR BOWL
Jacksonville Florida
West Virginia and Florida State
In Honor of Coach Bobby’s last game…
The College Football Hall of Fame will display the legendary Coach’s sideline apparel in a special exhibit honoring the Tallahassee legend.
On display will be Coach Bobby’s Vietcong “Coaches” hat, welding goggles and trousers with a forty inch zipper.
SEMI-NOLES 31-28

EDITORS NOTE: I wonder…..
Considering the title sponsor of this bowl game…
Does the winner of this game get something that looks like a Komodo Dragon?

ROSE BOWL
Pasadena California
The Ohio State and Oregon
The Granddaddy of them all…..
The Ducks can go Quack themselves…
MIGHTY BUCKEYES 28-17

ALLSTATE SUGAR BOWL
New Orleans
Florida and Cincinnati
This one will be nothing but Gators…..
Believe it…
MIGHTY GATORS 33-17

Saturday January 2nd 2010

AT&T COTTON BOWL
Dallas Texas
Oklahoma State and Ole Miss
I had some of the best days of my life in Dallas…..
Not that it really matters here…..
I had a variety of headlines for this game I wanted to use…
“The Prairie Wind touches Ole Miss is a naughty place”
“These Rebels are Nutts”
“You can’t beat Ole Miss Nutts”
But you expect higher standards from me
So I will simply say
NUTTY REBELS 34-24

AUTOZONE LIBERTY BOWL
Memphis Tennessee
East Carolina and Arkansas
The winner of this game gets a free oil change and a tire rotation.
Which is nice…
RAZORBACKS 38-17

INTERNATIONAL BOWL
Toronto Canada
South Florida and Northern Illinois
Let me tell you what I learned about Canada….
When the speed limit signs say “80”
They mean “80 Kilometers an Hour” which equates to about “50 miles per hour”
For those you that may be wondering what “80 miles an hour” is in Kilometers?
It’s 128 Kilometers an Hour, at least that’s what my ticket said.
That’s No Bull
SUNSHINE BULLS 28-24

PAPAJOHNS.COM BOWL
Birmingham Alabama
Connecticut and South Carolina
Did you know when Lou Holtz says “Connecticut” he spits halfway across the room?
STEVE’S GAMECOCKS 38-17

VALERO ALAMO BOWL
San Antonio Texas
Texas Tech and Michigan State
I believe having a Mexican sponsorship for the Alamo Bowl
Is just plain wrong.
GET THOSE GUNS UP!
RED RAIDERS 33-28

Monday January 4th 2010

TOSTITOS FIESTA BOWL
Glendale Arizona
Texas Christian and Boise State
There is only one thing that can be said about this game
It’s going to be a dandy
HORNED FROGS 24-23

Tuesday January 5th 2010

FEDEX ORANGE BOWL
Miami Florida
Georgia Tech and Iowa
As many close games as these two teams have played this year
Don’t you think “Nine Lives Cat Food” should be the sponsor?
Just wondering…
RAMBLING WRECK 31-17

Wednesday January 6th 2010

GMAC BOWL
Mobile Alabama
Central Michigan and Troy
For those fans and alumni of the two schools seeing the local sights before the game
I need to point out that due to a “funding” problem the statue of Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator at the Flora-Bama Lounge has yet to be completed.
I just thought you should know.
CHIPPEWA’S 33-31

Thursday January 7th 2010

THE NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP GAME
Pasadena California
The University of Texas Longhorns and The University of Alabama Crimson Tide
This will be a battle for the ages…..
Lee, It’s two more weeks on the couch for you my friend.
CRIMSON TIDE 33-21

I hope you all have a healthy and happy New Year
Hope to see you all next year

RTR
MEB

Before we get into this weeks picks….
I want to thank Hootie Snitch for providing his “unique” perspective on last weeks games and answering your email questions.

But just for the record I am a lot closer to Two Buck Tim than I am Tim Buck Two…

Last week your favorite college football prognosticator was a “disappointing” 42 and 15 or 75%.
And for the season I stand at 453 and 121 or a rather lackluster 79%.

But I take solace in my prognostication powers
when I heard that ESPN college football “analyst” Todd McShay, according to the network…
was making his picks at a “furious” pace by selecting “16” games currently this season where he stands at 10 and 6.

I know what you are thinking……
“Amateur”

But before we roll into Week 11’s Picks I want to wish…….
A Happy Veterans Day to all Veterans, past, present and future.

And a Happy Marine Corps Birthday to my Marine brethren around the world
We’ve Been Keep’n it Real since 1775….

Enjoy your games!

COMMENTATORS QUOTE

Bret Musburger on Alabama Coach Nick Saban
During the game with LSU in 2007 which the Crimson Tide lost

“There is the highest paid coach in American folks;
it doesn’t look like the folks in Alabama are getting a lot for their money does it?”

EDITORS NOTE: Just for the record dumbass….
I don’t think we pay Coach Nick enough, buy I think it has worked out o.k., don’t you?

Wednesday November 11th

Toledo at Central Michigan
The rockets will be reduced to a pack of firecrackers before halftime
Believe it
CHIPPEWAS 33-14

Thursday November 12th

Texas Southern at Grambling State
The Bayou Classic……
Beyond the football game, the battle of the bands is not to be missed.
I am still a Coach Rob man…
ROB’S TIGERS 31-17

Bowling Green at Miami (OH)
Another Classic Battle on I-75
The Falcons are favored, but I have a feeling….
REDSKINS 24-21

South Florida at Rutgers
I know, I know
This game is being played in “Jousey….”
But forget about it…..
NO BULL 33-28

Friday November 13th

West Virginia at Cincinnati
Save a Couch, Beat the Mountaineers
BEARKATS 31-28

Temple at Akron
The Owls are on their way to their first Bowl game since 1979…
Zippy gets Zipped…
HOOT OWLS 24-20

Saturday November 14th

Florida at South Carolina
Nobody needs to tell Coach Steve how bad a Gator bite can be….
MIGHTY GATORS 33-17

Furman at Georgia Southern
I can’t wait to hear Chewbacca sing the “Statesboro Blues”
I heard he does a great Greg Allman imitation
EAGLES 24-21

Texas at Baylor
The Waco Bears have really come on as of late…….
and I know I missed picking the Bears in “The Battle of the Brazos”
But the boys in burnt orange are the real McCoy
MIGHTY LONGHORNS 34-21

Pennsylvania at Harvard
I really don’t care and neither should you

Alabama at Mississippi State
The Bully Bulldogs are always tough…
But the Tide is coming in…
CRIMSON TIDE 24-13

Frostburg State at Salisbury
This game is a stark reminder that I wish I had a frosty beverage and a Salisbury steak.
But sometimes I wish for too much

Indiana at Penn State
I missed on Joe Pa’s Lions last week against the mighty Buckeyes….
But Joe has more than enough magnification left in his reading glasses to burn the Homers from Hoosierville
JOE’S LIONS 31-17

Columbia at Cornell
Nobody cares about this game either, and as a side note…
Both teams marching bands suck too.

Tennessee at Ole Miss
Remember my prognostication about the Volunteers not losing another game?
Yeah, I was serious…
VOWELS 34-17

Arizona at California
I would watch this game
but I heard there was fighting in Central America, and I have to watch the news, I have friends in Missouri.
I bet there fighting those damn people from Kansas.
GOLDEN BEARS 33-28

Miami (FL) at North Carolina
The Tar Heels….
Wait, what the hell is that anyway?
Is that somebody who walked across a freshly paved road bare footed?
Never mind….
ROCK YOU LIKE A HURRICANE 23-17

EDITORS NOTE: That song is stuck in your head now isn’t it?

Virginia Military Institute at Army
There are better games going on around the country when this game gets underway….
There are better teams playing this Saturday with more at stake in the college football world, while this game is being played
But you won’t find any better kids anywhere in the country than you will see right here
They are some of the very best we have in this country
BLACK KNIGHTS OF THE HUDSON 24-14

Texas A&M at Oklahoma
If you wonder why I continue to pick the Sooners…
even with all the season ending injuries on the team, the answer to that question is easy.
It’s because they are the still the Mighty Sooners, that’s why.
BOOMER SOONERS 31-28

Virginia Tech at Maryland
Ed Wang of Virginia Tech, who also happens to be the biggest Wang in College Football, but I digress….
I wonder if Ed Wang has ever gone out and “Wang Chung Tonight”
Just curious…
HOKEY HOKEY HI! 34-17

Samford at Wofford
This pesky cough is going to kick Sam’s ass, count on it.
WOFFY 33-13

Stanford at Southern California
No Upset Special Here……
The Darlings of the Sports Media get their other eye blacked with a tree
CARDINAL 38-24

EDITORS NOTE: I know it doesn’t really fit here…..
But……
Coach Pete, you want a quacker?
That never gets old for me..

Iowa at Ohio State
The quarterback with the Black and Gold is out for at least two weeks
The Buckeyes are rolling and the game is in the Big Horseshoe
Enough said….
MIGHTY BUCKEYES 31-17

Citadel at Chattanooga
The Bulldogs get shoed away from a win with a moccasin, believe it.
MOCCASINS 28-24

Texas Tech at Oklahoma State
The Red Raiders get rode down by the Cowboys in Stillwater
You better believe it….
COWBOY UP! 38-34

Florida State at Wake Forest
A lot of people are down on Coach Bobby as of late…..
They want to say it’s because he is “too old” to be coaching
He went to high school with Noah, so yeah he is definitely “old”
But that’s not the real reason is it?
It’s because you Seminoles aren’t beating the hell out of everybody, right?
You complainers should all should be ashamed of yourselves…
SEMI-NOLES 24-21

Nebraska at Kansas
I can’t help but wonder….
Are there a lot of Huskers that shop in the “Husky” sections at department stores…..
Do any of them own Husky dogs?
I know, sometimes I wonder too much…
HUSKY CORNHUSKERS 23-17

Auburn at Georgia
This game is called “The Deep South’s Oldest Rivalry”, because it is just that.
Conventional wisdom calls for the Tigers to win this game, they are favored in the contest.
But as you all know by now….
I am neither conventional nor wise.
RUN YOU SILVER BRITCHES! 34-31

Michigan at Wisconsin
Despite the fact the Wolverines are playing in Wisconsin,
There is no truth to the rumor that Coach Rod’s wife’s perfume smell’s like old cheese
That is hurtful and untrue
Her perfume smells more like the mixture of old peoples feet, wet corn flakes and a high school rest room urinal cake.
I hope that sets the record straight
BEHOLD THE POWER OF CHEESE 31-21

Washington at Oregon State
For once I agree with Hootie Snitch…
I love me some Beavers…
MIGHTY BEAVERS 33-17

Troy at Arkansas
What in the Hell was Troy thinking scheduling this game?
He must be drinking again….
RAZORBACKS 43-10

Colorado at Iowa State
Thank you all for your enquiries….
But my sister-in-law will “Not” be leading the Colorado Team on the field
this Saturday as the “Guest Buffalo” for the game with the Cyclones.
She is currently filming new “Messing with Sasquatch” Beef Jerky commercials..
Before you ask, “No” she is not wearing any makeup…
And “Yes” they are using “movie magic” to cover up her antlers, sorry..
I mean “calcium deposits”
BUFFALOS 24-17

South Dakota State at Minnesota
Question for the Minnesota faithful…
Aren’t Gophers really just hamsters on steroids?
O’ So GOLDEN GOPHERS 38-23

Georgia Tech at Duke
The Devils will be Black and Blue before this one is over…
YELLOW JACKETS 38-14

Clemson at North Carolina State
This game is known as “The Textile Bowl”
The winner of the decorative towels and fuzzy bathroom mats is…
DABO’S TIGERS 34-17

Notre Dame at Pittsburgh
This classic matchup in the North is played for the highly coveted…
“Yeti in a Tube Top” trophy….
Not really I was just hoping someone would take my sister-in-law for Thanksgiving
FIGHTN’ IRISH 33-28

Kentucky at Vanderbilt
The Commodores get the Blues in Music City on Saturday Night
Believe it….
BIG BLUE WILDCATS 24-20

Boston College at Virginia
The Cavaliers lost to the Duke Blue Devils two weeks ago….
Enough said….
CHESTNUT HILL EAGLES 141-14

UCLA at Washington State
I understand Alvin and the Chipmunks will be singing the National Anthem at this game
Not the “real” Chipmunks, just some dudes or dudettes in foam rubber costumes
Sorry, I didn’t mean to get you all worked up over nothing
BRUINS 33-14

Northwestern at Illinois
Another Big Ten “rivalry” game and you know what that means..
That’s right, another game for a coveted trophy!
This annual game between these two schools is played for
“The Trombone of Cheese Whiz”
Don’t touch it, you don’t know were it’s been
FIGHTN’ PUMPKINS 28-17

Missouri at Kansas State
In any conflict between the states of Missouri and Kansas
I always side with Kansas, because I am a Jesse James man..
but any team that goes to the trouble of digging up their dead coach
and propping him up on the sidelines to inspire their team, well…
I have to respect that
WILDCATS 24-23

Arizona State at Oregon
I would watch this game but the Animal Planet is having a “Special” on Sea Monkey’s.
You know they are natures perfect creature right?
They swim in the ocean and can live in the jungle.
If you don’t believe me then why do you think they call them “Sea Monkeys”?
I think I made my point
QUACK ATTACK 33-28

Michigan State at Purdue
This Big Ten Rivalry is played each year for a magnificent trophy!
Aren’t they all?
This Big Ten game is played for the highly coveted “Bejeweled Staff of Doubt”
Frankly I doubt anybody really cares about this game..
BOILERMAKERS 31-24

Houston at Central Florida
The Golden Knights are in Orlando right?
Isn’t that were “O Town” was from?
That’s all I need to know…
COUGARS 33-21

Syracuse at Louisville
This game may answer the eternal philosophical question….
Will anyone attend a college football game between two crappy teams?
CARDINALS 17-10

Brigham Young at New Mexico
The Lobos get Low Blow’d in New Mexico…
I know that was catchy right?
Think of me as the college football version of Doctor Seuss
COUGARS 34-17

UAB at Memphis
I know what I am talking about here
I’ve been to Graceland…
Thank you, thank you very much
ELVIS’S TIGERS 24-17

Idaho at Boise State
This game is entitled….
“The Battle of Idaho” and it is played for the Governors Cup
At least this instate battle doesn’t have the word “Flower” in it
BRONCOS 34-21

Texas El Paso at Southern Methodist
The Miners of El Paso have surprised a few people this year, but they won’t surprise
THE MIGHTY MUSTANGS 33-28

Tulane at Rice
Not that this has anything to do with the game, but I have to ask
Why is Rice-a-Roni the San Francisco treat?
I always thought it was Liberace
Never mind…
HOO HOOT OWLS 21-17

Delaware at Navy
I have grown to love that Navy Goat mascot….
You have to respect a mascot that can eat a tin can, you know what I mean?
MIDSHIPMEN 38-17

Southern Miss at Marshall
I really like both of these teams, but they harder to predict than the weather
WE ARE MARSHALL 24-21

UNLV at Air Force
The Falcons are soaring and the Rebels are grounded….
This one is easy
FALCONS 34-10

Utah at Texas Christian
UPSET SPECIAL!!!!!!!!
Two Ute’s take down the horned amphibians in Cow Town
So says my Cousin Vinny
TWO UTES 28-24

Louisiana Tech at LSU
The Bulldogs are in trouble in this instate Battle on the Bayou
Mike the Tiger is angry and hungry….
HEY FIGHTN’ TIGERS 34-10

New Mexico State at Hawaii
This game is just another reminder I am missing “Dog the Bounty Hunter”
Life is so unfair sometimes
WARRIORS jumping rope over RAINBOWS 31-28

Sunday November 15th

East Carolina at Tulsa
I wonder if a “Golden Hurricane” is a drink you don’t have buy yourself
on Bourbon Street?
Makes you wonder doesn’t it?
CAROLINA PIRATES 23-21

Enjoy your weekend and your games

Stay tuned…

RTR
MEB

Since that Bama guy that writes this thing is in Tim Buck Two…
I am a gonna due the rewind article this week and answer some of yawls emails.
He sent me some notes and stuff, but I am fixing to get my “wing it on”.

Before we get into that yawl need to know that I have been celebrating…
The Vol’s winning the Tennessee State Championship!
I know what you is a thinking too.
They ain’t played Vanderbilt yet….
Well don’t you worry about that we is gonna beat the doors off them Commodores.
Get it?

But just so’s you know, even though I’ve been celebrating….I ain’t drunk.
I don’t care what that police man said…

COACH’S QUOTE OF THE LAST WEEK

“Oregon played faster than we wanted them too be……”
Coach Pete Carroll of the University of Southern California

HOOTIE’S NOTE: No kidding Sherlock..
That’s about the dumbest damn thing I heard
since my cousin said he was going on eBay to find him a “good hammer”.
Elmer, if you is a reading this, they got a million of em at Home Depot, dumbass.

TEAM NEWS @ OTHER STUFF TOO

TENNESSEE: They way I see it….
The Volunteers ought to be the Number four team in the country…
Them Gators just barely got by us…
Then them cheating Crimson Tides barely got by us…
So, they way I figure it we IS the Number Four Team in the country and ought to be in the National Championship talking.
O Yeah, we is Tennessee State Champs too!

A-RABS: I don’t know why all them folks are worked up over that Mohammad fellow.
I went to Wal-Mart in Knoxville on Friday to get some more stuff for my restaurant “Snitch’s”
that is going to have a “Grand opening” in about a another week.
It’s going to straight up, awesome!
Anyway, I got off the subject…
This guy greeting people when you walked in, his name tag said “Mohammad”.
So’s I walk over to him and ask,“Why are folks blowing themselves up over you. Are you telling them to do it or something?”
Cause if he would have said “yes”, I was going to put a Baneberry country ass whopping on his ass.
But Mohammad said, “NO! I am good person, I am here legally, I am not a terrorist!”
Well it kind of sounded like that, cause he didn’t speak very good American.
So, what ever you crazy ass A-Rabs are doing you need to cut that crap out…
Cause I talked to Mohammad and he didn’t know a damn thing about it.

PHIL FULMER: There ain’t goin to be No Criticism of the Great Coach Phil when I run the article.
He is like a majestic Walrus, except bigger and with a crown and wings.
That’s how I picture him, so you won’t read nothing negative here about Coach Phil.

TEXAS: I thought the Wizard guy was crazy as hell when he picked yawl to play in the National Championship game..
But it looks like it just might happen.

VETERANS DAY: Now I ain’t never been in combat per say, but I have been married twice, which should count for something,…
and I ain’t never been in the military but I was in Webelos, so I had me a uniform.
But I got to thank all the veterans everywhere for kicking ass and taking names and keeping us free.

ALABAMA: It’s still ain’t right yawl got a guy on the defense that is bigger than three of our boys…
and that’s the last time I’m going to say anything about it.

OREGON STATE: Beaver Jim, the football Wizard fellow wanted me to apologize that he missed your game over them California people. But, I would have picked yawl, if it would have been me, cause I love me some Beavers.

NEBRASKA: I don’t know how the hell them Cornhuskers beat them Sooner’s but I am betting they is still celebrating down in Lincoln.

OHIO STATE: I don’t know who woke them Buckeyes up, but they are tougher than my momma’s pan fried steak.

FLORIDA STATE: I don’t want to say Coach Bobby is getting old, but he was coaching at Florida State before it was a State.

MICHIGAN: The Wizard guy wanted me to say something about the Wolverines losing to Purdue at home for the first time since 1966, but I want to say something about that Michigan Coach’s wife.
That gal is uglier than homemade soap. I saw her on the Television last week, and my damn watch stopped.

TEXAS CHRISTIAN: The Horned Frogs are ranked the highest since 1956, hell fire I wasn’t even born then.

OREGON: So last week you beat them Trojans like a rented mule and this week you lost to team with a foam rubber tree mascot. What the hell is a going on up there?
Don’t nobody want to win yawls damn conference title?

NAVY: “Mister Wizard” didn’t pick yawl, which is stupid. I would have picked you to beat Notre Dame and I’ll tell you why.
The Navy has them SEALS and they are a bunch of bad asses, I know I seen the movie.
So of course they gonna beat some Leprechauns ass. That pick would have been easy for ole Hootie.

IOWA: I can’t believe yawl lost to a direction on the map, just another reason why the Vol’s ought to be ranked in front of them.

SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA: I got to agree with that Alabama Wizard guy, yawl should be on damn NCAA probation by now.
It’ don’t help that Coach Pete, rhymes with “Cheat”

EMAIL QUESTIONS @ ANSWERS WITH HOOTIE

Q: Dear Sir,
I just wanted to convey to you and your informed readership of a recent development that arose after the annual “Not The World’s Largest Cocktail Party Anymore Due to Political Correctness” game between the Bulldogs from somewhere and the Grand and Glorious University of Florida Gators led by the Esteemed and World Reknowned Tim Tebow. There was a fairly inconspicuous incident that occurred on the field of play in which it was alleged that Brandon Spikes tried to poke an opposing players’ eye. As I said, “alleged.” Well, I must say that had there not been numerous replays by ESPN that no one would have ever noticed anything had happened. But, nooooooooooooo, ESPN gets a clip of a players hand from the Esteemed and Pre-eminent University of Florida entering the face mask of an opposing player and it is automatically assumed that Mr Brandon Spikes is up to no good. I can personally attest that after reviewing said play I feel that he was either trying to help adjust the opposing players contact lens or perhaps was wiping his nose, since, as you know, it is flu season.
After the media circus that was created by this obviously misinterpreted incident I recommended that Mr Spikes be suspended for the first half of the game with Vanderbilt. Soon after this announcement, for some reason, there was another uproar. Well, thank goodness that Mr Spikes saw the situation and suspended himself for the entire game. I hope this satisfies the bloodlust inspired by inferior rival schools due to the jealousy of the University of Florida being anointed as the SEC representative to the National Championship.
By the way, if you saw the illustrious Mr Spikes on the sideline of the Florida-Vandy game, he was clean shaven and no longer looks like a thug.
Thank you Mr Spikes for your assistance.
Mike Slive
President
Southeastern Conference

A: Mister President Slive that is how them damn Gators beat us Volunteers by a bunch of eye grabbing and God knows what else. Can you see fit, since you’re the President and all to give us that game since they was a cheating? Also, them Crimson Tides got a guy named after a Mountain that is bigger than a new Buick. That ain’t right neither.

Q: Dear Sir,
I’ve been watching that Notre Dame team get beat all over the place by Navy. I mean, here’s a team with practically their own TV network, the sports outlets are always going ga-ga over them, and they’re getting beat by a service academy. Not being disrespectful to service academies, but, I mean, what the hell? I just think that they’re seriously overrated.
In fact, I think their name is about right. I don’t know what an “Ire” is, but they’re not good enough to be called a regulare “Ire”.
I think they’re just Ire-ish.
What do you think?
Timmy the Trojan, Los Angeles, California

A: I tell you what ole Hootie thinks….
You damn Trojan fans are always acting like yawl got your monkey chapped over one thing or another.
Bunch of damn cry babies is what I think…
But here’s something for your chapped monkey…

Q: Dear Mister Wizard
I was sittin here watchin Mr Mark May slobberin all over that cheatin Pete Carroll
after U$C Squeaked by Arizona State & I have a question.
Why does mark May wear glasses without any lenses in them?
I was just wondering cause you can see a reflection on the frame but not on any lenses.
Does he wear them like goggles in case Mr Lou Holtz slobber’s on him or is it cause he thinks wearing glasses that’s for decorations makes him look smart?
I really don’t think he’s very smart if you ask me.
I mean, he tried to make a big deal out of U$C squeaking by Notre Dumb even though they aren’t very good. What do you think?
Steve – Platte City, Missouri

A: That’s a damn fine question..
I am a guessing it’s because he wants to “look smart”.
Cause I will tell you, when Mark May starts making sense to you, it’s a sure sign that you’ve had too much to drink.

Q: You no take me serious!
Now Navy Beat Irish and that all we hear about!
I see Navy Goat mascot everywhere and it offend me and honorable family!
It even on Weather Channel!
I want NCAA to change Navy mascot, they change other schools because of offense!
I honorable business man and give you photo of my restaurant!
Send me NCAA address to change navy mascot!
Ding Dung – San Francisco, California

A: I ain’t trying to tell you your business…..
But you couldn’t get somebody down South to eat in a place with name like that at gunpoint.
Kind of made me sick just looking at it..

Q: Who in the hell do you think you are?
You picked the Trojans to lose two games or “more” this year and they do, just like you picked Oklahoma to do the same.
You picked TCU and Boise State to be undefeated and they still are…
You picked Alabama and Florida to meet in Atlanta and they will…
You picked Texas to go to the National Championship game and it looks like they are on their way.
Just who do you think you are?
James – Atlanta, Georgia

A: I don’t know who he is neither…
But I heard that Wizard guy was part Secret agent and part Transformer.

Stay tuned cause I’m goin to have me an update on my “Grand Opening” of Snitch’s.

The Wizard says them picks will be out later in the week too.

Yawl have a good week now, you hear?

Hootie – Out!

So let’s take a moment to look at some team news and games of the past week.

And certainly I want to answer your long awaited emails….

Much like many of you….
At this point in the season I am just thankful that I am not on any liver donor list yet.

Enjoy your update!

TEAM NEWS

OLE MISS: So you want to change your fight song….
Because “some” Ole Miss student’s think the final verse of the Rebel fight song that says “And the South Shall Rise again…”
is somehow racist and should be changed?

I have a question..
When is this crap going to stop?

Are all you politically correct urchins that afraid of us Southerners?

You should be…
Because we Southerners have just about had all this force feed guilt we are going to take.

So continue with your agenda on “changing” us…

We will let you know when you are done…

CLEMSON: Who was the “Only” Prognosticator to pick the Tigers over the Hurricanes?
No need to thank me, I love you guys…

TENNESSEE: The Volunteers will not lose another game the rest of the season.
Remember you heard it here first…

However….

EDITORS NOTE: Coach Lane I know you are knew to the “real” coaching ranks..
But stop with the crying and whining after a tough game…
Your boys played their hearts out…
You do a disservice to the players by acting like a spoiled teenager after a loss.

Blaming the referees, the wind and Barney the Purple Dinosaur…
“IF” you knew anything about the series itself
You would know….
It’s not uncommon for the dominating team to lose the game..
I remember a game we dominated, until Jay Graham broke lose and we lost 20-13
I also remember an overtime game not so long ago that the Volunteers plucked away at the last moment.

It’s called life dumbass….
Get over it….

NEBRASKA: What the Hell Cornhuskers? What the Hell…

INDIANA: You Hoosiers, lost a two touchdown lead with minutes left in the game?
You know this screwed up my average for the week, right?

TEXAS: The Longhorns didn’t look that strong against a wounded Sooner team,
but they sure put the beat down on MO this week. Their real test is this week…

FLORIDA STATE: Who was the “only” Prognosticator to pick the Seminoles over the Heels? No need to thank me, it’s how I roll….

ALABAMA: I was going to write something clever here, but Mount Cody Blocked it…

OKLAHOMA: The Sooners aren’t the same without Bradford,
but they are still a force to be reckoned with.
If you don’t think so, let’s see a show of hands of “Who” wants to play them in a bowl game?
Boise State put your hands down…

PAC 10: I am beginning to believe I couldn’t pick one of your games correctly if you were playing the cast of “Sesame Street”, which by the way is a part of the “always” tough Southern California Trojans “road” schedule.

WASHINGTON: Bad Dogs……

CHATTANOOGA: Come on Moccasins, the playoffs aren’t out of reach….
It’s time to man up….

FLORIDA: I don’t know if the opposition has placed Kryptonite in the end zone to keep Superman out,
but the Gators better figure out the mystery before it’s too late.

OHIO STATE: This is a message for the few disgruntled Buckeye Fans…

Are you serious?
You want to run Coach Tressel out of town?

Have you forgotten John Cooper?

Have you forgotten the National Championship?

Have you forgotten the Buckeye Heisman Trophy winner?

Have you forgotten the dominance of the hated Maze and Blue?

You people (That’s right I said “you” people)
You should be ashamed of yourselves…

IOWA: I can’t believe it myself….
But the Eyes of the Hawk are for real
Believe it…

TEXAS CHRISTIAN: The Horned Amphibians will be undefeated this year…
Just as I predicted…

BOSIE STATE: See Texas Christian “above”
No need to thank me, your adulation embarrasses me…

NORTH ALABAMA: I am thinking “another” National Championship for the Lions…
But if the young cubs don’t rediscover their offense they will never make it…

WEST VIRGINIA: To the Mountaineer Coaches, Players and Fans…
That was a class act honoring the fallen Connecticut Football Player on Saturday
First Class…..

SOUTHERN METHODIST: My Proud Ponies are down but they are far from out….

NCAA: So where are you on the “Investigation” into Reggie Bush and the Southern California Trojans?
Are you all just too busy counting textbooks and checking on who’s fishing or what?

EMAIL QUESTIONS & ANSWERS

Q: Welcome to Candy Land!
I enjoy opening my emails with that catchy little diddy…
As you know I have become the Number One Kenny Rogers imitator in the tri-state area!
No thanks in small part to your Encouragement!
Anyway, the University of Cincinnati hasn’t answered my “offer” to sing the National Anthem at their next game.
I think it would give them “extra” luck if I were to sing and maybe throw in some
”Islands in the Stream” for good measure too!
So anyway, do you think you could contact the University of Cincinnati and see if you could get them to let me sing at the next game?
It will be glorious!
Jack McCracken – Cincinnati, Ohio

A: First, I want to go on record as “not encouraging you”,
Second I have to ask; you don’t know where I live do you?
But it case you were wondering, it’s a little hard to find town outside of Nome, Alaska.

Q: O’ Man! You did it!
I just read the article in Fox Sports that the refs for UF/Ark game were suspended.
They were the very same crew that worked (and screwed up) the LSU/UGA game.
Dude, you’ve got clout.
Thanks!
Hank – North Charleston, South Carolina

A: Be Thankful my Super Powers are always used for good…
Well, most of the time anyway…

Q: What wrong wit you? You no write back wit address on mascot we need change!
Military academy mascot no good, make us immigrants feel bad.
Navy goat look like honorable grandmother and Ho Chi Minn.
Army mule look like honorable grandfather, kick like him too.
Air Force falcon remind us of Hanoi bomb! Number ten very bad!
Ding Dung – San Francisco, California

A: I’m really sorry….
But every time I read “Ding Dung”
I think…
“Whose there?”

Q: Dear Mister Wizard
You picked the Delaware Blue Hens early in the season
and then you just stopped listing them. Is there a reason you stopped having them in your weekly picks?
Thanks!
Ben – Dover, Delaware

A: I will answer your email after I stop laughing hysterically….
“Ben Dover”….yes, I am that easily amused.

Q: Dear Mr Wizard
I been thinkin bout playin that Ga-Fla game game in Jacksonville again.
Well, I finally found a good excuse not to EVER play it down there.
If you sit and stare at that picture of a Flarda license plate what does it look like?
If you said it looks like some mans not so excited private parts, well, you’d be right.
So, we don’t want are children being exposed to any state sponsored pornography so we should never, EVER go to Flarda again!!!

http://www.dmvflorida.org/florida-license-plate.shtml

Do you think maybe we could use that excuse and get the game moved to Valdosta permanantly?
GO DAWGS!! WOOF WOOF!!
Lemuel in Ludowici

A: If nothing else Lemuel, you sir are persistent.

Q: Mike, what’s the deal?
Why do you hate Phil Fulmer so much?
Jimmie – Beaumont, Texas

A: Beyond his attack on the CBS College Football Game Day Studio Hosts..
Which by the way, is still under investigation

Fat Phil Fulmer is rumored to have killed David “Grasshopper” Carradine

I am still not over it…

Have a great week…
Your College Football Week 9 Picks will be out later..

RTR
MEB

This week we have Battles over Wagon Wheels, Iron Skillets and Slabs of Bacon..

EDITORS NOTE: Not all together…..
Although they make a nice combo if you were out on the range

We have Lions, Tigers, and Bears and Fighting Okra…
Tussling over a variety of Paul Bunyan memorabilia, Mittens and a Victory Bell..
While others duke it out on Tobacco Road for bragging rights.

It’s that time of the year…..
Rivalries are in Season…

If you are keeping count and I know you are…..
Last Week Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator was 44 and 12 or 79%
That leaves us at 204 and 46 of 82% thus far in the season…

Enjoy!

THE GAMES

Wednesday September 30th

Hawaii at Louisiana Tech
I feel really confident about this pick…
Call it “Prognosticators Intuition”….
BULLDOGS 27-6

Thursday October 1st

Colorado at West Virginia
What I wouldn’t give to have a second hand furniture store in Morgantown…
I would have more money than Ernest Tubb in a few years.
Light those couches!
MOUNTAINEERS 24-20

Valdosta State at Delta State
Who doesn’t love a Fighting Okra?
My point exactly…
FIGHTN’ OKRA 27-23

Friday October 2nd

Pittsburgh at Louisville
Papa John Stadium is a mighty tough place to play in when the sun goes down
Johnny, this one is for you…
UPSET SPECIAL!!!!!!!!
CARDINALS 24-21

Utah State at Brigham Young
This particular game is played for the “Old Wagon Wheel”
But is only part of the bigger prize known as the Battle for the Beehive Boot
But I have question..
Wouldn’t that hurt if you put your foot in a boot full of bees?
Just wondering…
COUGARS 38-17

Saturday October 3rd

Alabama at Kentucky
In the immortal words of Steely Dan in Deacon Blues…
“They have a name for the winners in the world…
They call Alabama the Crimson Tide”
CRIMSON TIDE 31-17

EDITORS NOTE: I am sure they were referring to football in this particular song…
Because if it was basketball, then they would have mentioned Kentucky

Arkansas Tech at North Alabama
I can hear the Lion’s Roaring from here…
MIGHTY LIONS 38-10

Ole Miss at Vanderbilt
Sometimes I feel like a Nutt….
And this would be one of those times…
REBELS 24-21

Georgia Southern at Wofford
It doesn’t matter who Coach’s there…
The boys from Statesboro will always be….
ERK’S EAGLES 31-14

Penn State at Illinois
I made a key error in my Picks last week…
Last week I stated:
“I have on good authority that Joe Pa intends to harness the power of the sun
through his reading glasses and roast the Hawkeyes”
Little did I know…
The game was at night and Joe Pa did not have the Solar Panel 2500 mounted to his reading glasses.
That was my mistake….
There will be no such oversight this week…
Roast the Fighting Pumpkins Joe Pa!
JOE PA’S LIONS

LSU at Georgia
This game will be a shoot out from start to finish…
Hold on to your seats boys and girls
HEY FIGHTN’ TIGERS 33-28

Oklahoma at Miami
Since Utah is off this weekend..
I am under artistic obligation to state the following concerning this particular game…
I hope the two Ute’s that drive the Boomer Sooner wagon are careful this Saturday
Because they will be driving it around the stadium all afternoon
BOOMER SOONER 38-14

Austin Peay at Tennessee Tech
I don’t care that Austin peed all by himself!
Why name a college after something like that?
What’s next, Urinal Cake State?
This is disgusting
PEABODY 28-10

Virginia Tech at Duke
This game will be like pistol whipping a blind kid…
HOKIES 43-3

Georgia Tech at Mississippi State
UPSET SPECIAL!!!!!!
More Cow Bell!!!!!
Believe it Bully!
BULLDOGS 24-20

Virginia at North Carolina
This game is known as the “South’s Oldest Rivalry”
The contest between the two schools dates back to 1892
Who doesn’t love a grudge that has festered for over a hundred years?
TAR HEELS 23-17

Michigan at Michigan State
This semi-bitter instate rivalry is entitled…
“The Battle for the Mitten”

EDITORS NOTE: No, I didn’t make that up

With the “Winner” walking away with the “Paul Bunyan Trophy”
Not sure if the trophy includes Paul’s big blue ox “Babe”
I will continue to monitor the situation as it develops
WOLVERINES 33-24

EDITORS NOTE: There is no truth to the rumor…
This trophy was being replaced by a clay replica of Coach Rod’s Wife.
It is my understanding that the proposed “Skank Witch” Trophy
was deemed “inappropriate” by the Big Ten.
I hope that cleared up any misunderstanding

Texas A&M at Arkansas
This rivalry that began in 1903 was once known as the “Southwest Classic”
Now it has been reduced to an “out of conference game” for both teams
That makes me sad…
RAZORBACKS 24-21

Oregon State at Arizona State
This game is between the Sun Devils and the Beavers in the Valley of the Sun
This reminds me of a joke….
So stop me if you’ve heard this one…
These two Ute’s walk into a bar and setting there is the Devil and a Beaver…
And the One Ute says, “Hey, now that’s a nice Beaver…”
Never mind this going to get ugly…
SUN DEVILS 24-20

UCLA at Stanford
I would rather…..
Listen to Leonard Nimoy sing Led Zeppelin’s Greatest Hits than watch this game.
BRUINS 28-24

EDITORS NOTES: Just thinking about that made my ears bleed

Juniata at McDaniel College
Ole Danny Mac better have his head on a swivel..
I hear Juanita is in a foul mood…
JUANITA 33-17

Florida State at Boston College
I have no idea which one of these teams is going to show up
My Guess?
SEMI-NOLES 24-17

Clemson at Maryland
The rules here are simple….
A Tiger can beat a turtle…
I have seen enough of the Animal Planet to know that much…
DABO’S TIGERS 23-14

Wisconsin at Minnesota
This game is played annually for the coveted..
“Paul Bunyan’s Ax” and “a Slab of Bacon”….
I don’t know what the deal is this week about all the Paul Bunyan references
Unless it’s his birthday?
Not really sure how the tasty pork product fits into this equation…
Never mind….
O’ SO GOLDEN GOPHERS 28-21

Susquehanna at Merchant Marine Academy
It doesn’t surprise me that Susie decided to play the Merchant Marines
She always did love a man in uniform….
MARINERS 34-28

North Carolina State at Wake Forest
This War on Tobacco Road has been going on forever…
I bet the argument started over liquor…
Don’t they all?
WOLFPACK 23-17

Arkansas State at Iowa
I don’t know if you’ve seen the Iowa mascot…
“Herky the Hawkeye”?
That things head is almost as big as Wynonna Judd’s
Notice I said “almost”
HAWKEYES 38-10

Washington State at Oregon
This game is played for a trophy that looks eerily similar to Oprah Winfrey’s ass.
Not really I just made that up…
But that would be funny as hell wouldn’t it?
QUACKERS 33-10

South Carolina State at South Carolina
This game is going to get crazy ugly….
GAMECOCKS 53-10

Auburn at Tennessee
This story has very little to do with the game….
But it is simply too good not too share…
The owner of a golf course was confused about paying an invoice…
So he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.
He called her into his office and said…
“You graduated from the University of Tennessee right?
I need some help.
If I were to give you $20,000 dollars minus 11%, how much would you take off?”
The secretary thought a moment…
Then replied, “Everything but my earrings..”
WAR DAMN EAGLES 31-17

South Florida at Syracuse
Otto the Orange gets the juice squeezed out of him Saturday…
Believe it…
NO BULL 38-7

Carson Newman at Mars Hill
Thank goodness Coach Spark’s boys are playing Mars Hill this weekend…
If they were playing Uranus Tech…
I could take up the entire column with off color jokes and inappropriate antidotes.
SPARK’S EAGLES 33-21

East Carolina at Marshall
This game has a lot of meaning for many of us….…
The Pirates were the last team the Thundering Herd played on 14 November 1970
Before the plane crash claimed the lives of the son’s of Marshall University.
I won’t forget it, and neither should you.
Whatever game you watch this weekend…
When you see the score ticker run across the bottom of your television screen..
Pull for those current son’s of Marshall….
You will feel better for it, I promise
WE ARE MARSHALL 28-24

Tulane at Army
Every time I hear “Green Wave” I think about a leaky septic tank…
BLACK KNIGHTS 24-21

Hope at Trine
This first thing I thought was….
“I Hope I have Trine to make it to Homecoming this year…”
HOPE 24-10

Northwestern at Purdue
Frankly I am surprised…
We have another Big Ten game without any mention of Paul Bunyan
BOILERMAKERS 31-28

Cincinnati at Miami (OH)
The “Victory Bell” is at stake in this contest….
As opposed to the “Horribly Embarrassing Defeat Bell”
Nobody really wants that one…
BEARKATS 34-17

Ohio Northern at Muskingum
I cannot believe they named a college after a gum disease
I guess it’s still better than Halitosis Tech
Never mind…
POLAR BEARS 23-17

EDITORS NOTE: As a side note….
If you think I have been wrong all these years about Yankees…
Living ten miles from the Arctic Circle, then why would they name their team the “Polar Bears”?
Coincidence? I think not…

Kansas State at Iowa State
I have a safety tip for you…
If you hear David Hasselhoff scream “Awesome!”
Three times in a row in quick succession your head will explode.
CYCLONES 17-10

EDITORS NOTE: Don’t ask me how I know about the above claim
Just take my word for it…
But I will tell you the test involved a hamster.

Washington at Notre Dame
I don’t have any idea which Dog’s are going to show up
Will it be the Mighty Washington Huskies or the Hollywood Chihuahua’s?
I am guessing this one will be close….
Real close…
FIGHTING IRISH 28-24

Central Michigan at Buffalo
Two things I learned from watching movies about the American West…
One: Many Native Americans used buffalo as a major food source in the Western frontier
Two: John Wayne was a bad ass
I think Number One applies here..
CHIPPEWA’S 38-10

Wisconsin Oshkosh at Wisconsin Lacrosse
One thing I know for certain about this game…
There will be a lot people there that talk funny..
OSHKOSH BY GOSH 24-20

Memphis at Central Florida
This Conference USA battle is taken very seriously…
The Boy’s from Orlando have vowed this week…
To give Memphis the cryogenically frozen body of Walt Disney if they lose to the Tigers…
Well, look at the bright side…
It’s not like they are gambling with the Magic Castle
GOLDEN KNIGHTS 24-21

Air Force at Navy
This game will be a brawl for the Commander in Chief’s Trophy.
These boys will all play until the final whistle blows…
Believe that…
MIDSHIPMEN 33-31

Ohio at Bowling Green
In this Buckeye State Battle I will go with Coach Frank’s Cats
BOBCATS 28-17

Colorado State at Idaho
As I chronicled earlier in the week…
Mr. Potato Head only “has eyes” for that trashy Zelda Zucchini
Thought that up myself…
VANDALS 28-24

Ohio State at Indiana
I don’t know if the Hoosiers would have been better off..
If they would have taken my advice on accepting the sponsorship of a “major” chicken wing franchise
but I do know their cheerleaders would have gotten a lot better looking.
MIGHTY BUCKEYES 33-17

Kent State at Baylor
This is for the folks from “Protest U” that may be traveling to the game in Texas
Don’t get Wacko in Waco or you will wind up in Jail ’O
BEARS 43-10

New Mexico at Texas Tech
It’s time for Tech’s Saddle Tramps and High Riders
To get back on that horse and….
GET THOSE GUNS UP!
RED RAIDERS 34-23

Tulsa at Rice
The Tulsa mascot looks like the Elephant man stuck his head in a Hornets nest…
What does that have to do with a Hurricane that is Golden?
I have no idea..
GOLDEN HURRICANES 31-24

Southern California at California
I have a question for those folks from California “The Home of Diversity”
If someone from Ghana married a person from Korea…
Would their children be Gonorrhean’s?
Just wondering…
GOLDEN BEARS 23-17

EDITORS NOTE: Hey Coach Pete….
How’s that Dog Bite?

California Davis at Boise State
Cal Davis are known as the “Aggies”
But I like to think of them as another victim of the “Blue Monster”
BRONCO’S 44-10

Southern Methodist at Texas Christian
This is the “Battle for the Metroplex”
The game has been played every year since 1925 for the “Iron Skillet”
In the Dallas – Fort Worth area it doesn’t get any bigger than this on Saturday
UPSET SPECIAL!!!!!!!!!!!
MIGHTY MUSTANGS 31-24

Southern Miss at UAB
I don’t know why the Boy’s from Birmingham have a Dragon as a mascot…..
There aren’t any “dragons” in Birmingham and certainly not in Alabama
But I did have this blind date once in Trussville…
Forget I mentioned it
GOLDEN EAGLES 33-14

New Mexico State at San Diego State
This promises to be the best game on ESPN U at 0200 EST…
Believe it!
AGGIES 20-17

Houston at UTEP
The Big Cats from Cow Town are for Real…
You don’t think so?
They have more conference wins in Conference USA and the Big 12 than any other team
COUGARS 38-17

More next week….
So stay tuned

Enjoy your games ….

RTR
MEB

We have a lot of ground to cover, so let’s get too it.

Enjoy!

TEAM NEWS

OLE MISS: Some times you feel like a Nutt….
And sometimes the Rebels get their ass whipped..

CLEMSON: You Waz Robbed….

CONNECTICUT: I failed to mention that this past week’s game with Rhode Island..
Was played for the coveted “Ramnapping Trophy”
I offer my sincerest apologizes for not mentioning this magnificent award.
However, I wasn’t aware anyone actually played a football game….
For the right to win a trophy that resembles a Baboon’s ass.
Yankees are so weird…

EDITORS NOTE: Sorry for the visual…

PENN STATE: Damn It Joe Pa….

IDAHO: I feel the need to make a correction over last weeks picks.
Mr. Potato Head was not, I repeat not “running around” with Susie Squash.
It was that skanky Zelda Zucchini
Sorry for the confusion…

OKLAHOMA STATE: A side note about Cowboy Country…
If you are ever in Tishomingo Oklahoma you have go by Fish Tails…
They have the finest fried catfish north of the Red River….
The only thing that isn’t fried there is the delicious Cole slaw…
Tell them Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator sent you
and you are liable to get a good fish story

ALABAMA: Congratulations to my ole buddy Woodrow Lowe f
he has been elected into the College Football Hall of Fame and was honored at halftime of the Razorback –Crimson Tide game.
As a linebacker Woodrow had few equals in College Football…
He would hit you so hard that when you woke up your clothes were out of style.

VERN LUNDQUIST (CBS): You want to know how you can tell if Vern is going to say something stupid?
His lips start moving…

HOUSTON: Congratulations to the Mighty Cougars…
They now lead Conference USA and the Big 12 with the most wins in both conferences…

NOTRE DAME – PURDUE GAME: I also failed to mention that this contest
Is played annually for the coveted Shillelagh Trophy.
As in…
“Get your hands off my Shillelagh Trophy!”
Sorry, that sounded nasty.

MIAMI HURRICANES: Didn’t I tell you all that you were going to get Wang’d?

SOUTH FLORIDA: You guys are really good and that’s no Bull.

FLORIDA STATE: Bet you all wish….
You would have recruited that “little” quarterback from Tallahassee now, don’t you?

EDITORS NOTE: Before any of the Seminole Faithful write me this week about it…
Congratulations on “maybe” being the Fourth or Fifth Best College Football Team in the entire State of Florida! I know that was a lofty goal to shoot for….
So Congratulations!

MICHIGAN: Two words for the Wolverine Faithful after last weeks game: “Home Cooking”

EDITORS NOTE: And I thought only Notre Dame got “Hometown Referees”

COACH BOBBY BOWDEN: Due in large part…
To the recent Seminole set back at the hands of the South Florida Bulls
The FOX Network has placed a hold on the pilot episode of the new fall program entitled “The Bowden Boy’s”
As you may already know this program will show Coach Bobby and his sons on a number of “adventures” in a “reality” show format.
I know the Seminole faithful were anxiously awaiting the pilot episode which showed Coach Bobby and his son’s on a camping trip that took place this past spring.
After all who doesn’t want to hear Coach Bobby say
“Get your hands off my wiener”

OREGON: As I look Back, I guess the Quacks aren’t all that Whack

OHIO STATE: If you want to know why I still consider the Buckeyes undefeated
I present a picture of the Trojan 4th down play at the Ohio State goal line…..
That my friends, is NOT a touchdown….

EDITORS NOTE: I don’t know how……
The Buckeyes got “Michigan” referees, but I would do a background check on them next time.
I’m just saying.

CALIFORNIA: Say it with me…..
O-V-E-R-A-T-E-D!

WASHINGTON: Bad Dogs

NORTHERN ILLINOIS: Please see “Washington” above..

EMAIL QUESTIONS & ANSWERS

Q: Dearest Michael,
First let me say that I appreciate that you are named after my favorite angel
However, Thy must postpone all thy activities until thou has helped me solve a problem of biblical proportions. Recently I had a new arrival to mine lofty quarters.
I asked this rather pious individual if thou deserved to be here.
This putrid gnat replied that he did not have to answer to me…
Nor any laws and commandments during his lifetime other than his own.
He also continued by saying that if I had any further inquiries or needed information from me that I should refer to his website for an official transcript, but, that, however, I couldn’t download anything.
I am considering..
Therefore by mine own glorious and powerful hand, that I will answer thine prayer, mine own humble servant.
However, mine question is, should this Myles Brandt heathen, be sent packing to join St Lucifer at the fiery gates of hell or should he be put in the current purgatory which is known as U$C Football to have endless conversations with that spawn of Satan, Pete Carroll?
I await your reply.

Respectfully
Saint Peter
A Huuuuuuuuuuuuge SEC fan

A: Your call Pete and while we are on the topic…
Thank the Big Guy again for the Iron Bowl win and getting me out of that little scrape in Fallujah this year.
Now about that promise I made….
You knew I wasn’t serious about becoming a Priest, right?
Cause I got this “thing” about women…

Q: Mike I have a problem that I hope you can help me with.
My shift has changed at the plant and the Bosses are telling me I have to work every College Football Saturday’s until January.
I will miss the entire damn season, do you have any suggestions?
Thanks!
Troy – Birmingham, Alabama

A: Four words Troy: TiVo, DVR Roll Tide

Q: Dear Mr. Wizard
We cannot believe you picked our Hokies over the Hurricanes and it happened!
That game ROCKED!
How did you do it?
We were studying how geniuses are tortured souls or something like that.
Are you some kind of tortured genius or something?
The Ladies of Tri Delta – Blacksburg, Virginia

A: All of the above

Q: Dear Sir, I have but one question for you.
Why do you hate the University of Southern California so much?
Thank you
Shelia – Los Angeles, California

A: What’s not to hate Shelia?

Q: Dear Mr. Wizard
I enjoy how you are always saying there are “No Palm Trees in Miami, Ohio”
But just for the record
Miami of Ohio was a University before Florida was a state.
And in case you forgot and we hope you haven’t…
Miami of Ohio is the cradle of football coaches…
Dan – Miami of Ohio

A:No disrespect intended Dan; I know the fine history of Miami of Ohio quite well.
I also know the great Webb Eubank used to live in town…
I just wish you all were still called the “Redskins” instead of the Red Hawks; I think that’s stupid.

Q: Listen Mister Wizard or whatever you call yourself.
Coach Phil Fulmer is Not some kind of Krispy Kreme addict!
Making fun of him in that way is hurtful!
What makes you think he is a Krispy Kreme addict anyway?
Let’s Go Clogging Dance Club – Strawberry Plains, Tennessee

A: Have any of you seen the lapel pin he wears on his jacket?
He is either a supporter of Krispy Kreme or he is one “K” short of another kind of club.

Q: Mike, what the Hell is wrong with the Duke Blue Devil football team?
We have some new cool looking uniforms and helmets and we even reconfigured our end zones, they look awesome! So what’s the real deal?
Daniel – Durham, North Carolina

A: You can paint wings on a rock Daniel, but it’s still just a rock.

Q: Mike how does the NCAA go about finding a successor for Myles Brand as President? Thanks, we enjoy your column here.
Tim – Helena, Arkansas

A: Thank you Tim, I appreciate those kind words.
The process for selecting a successor is quite complicated as outlined by Myles Brand himself.
It involves a human sacrifice and then an appearance by the Prince of Darkness.
Who in case you were wondering is a huge U$C Trojan fan…

Q: Mike, you haven’t seemed yourself lately, are you alright?
Faye – Liberty, Texas

A: Thank you for asking Faye, I had a touch of Disco Fever that developed into a mild case of Boogie Woogie Flu, but fortunately it won’t move into rocking pneumonia.

Q: Dear Mr Wizard,
We’re raisin’ money down here in South Georgia for our own very Joe Cox statue here in beautiful Ludowici. Have you ever heard of them fishin roundups at those boat and fishin pole shows?
Yeah, they have those.
They fill up a big ole fish tank with water and put in a bunch of fish and let people fish.
Well whoever catches the winning fish gets a prize.
What we decided to do was just take’r on up a notch.
I got this little ole john boat and put it in my above ground pool.
Then we went out and caught us a mess of bass and bream and stocked that pool up
and stapled a plastic tag on one of ems back that says “Bullddawg Winner!!” and whoever gets that fish gets the john boat, a six pack of beer, and
a dozen packs of Oscar Meyer wieners for a cookout!!!
We’re gonna take the rest of the money and collect it to build us a Joe Cox statue
cause he’s the best quarterback in the whole United States!!
Could you put a little something on your website?
I know lots and lots of Georgia football faithful are football and fishin fanatics and I thought this would be a great place to advertise!!
Plus, I kinda felt guilty about me and the rest of the Bulldawg faithful and that Junyard Blawger from the AJC raking him over the coals a couple of weeks ago after we got spanked by them O K State boys.
Thanks Mr. WIZ
Lenny in Ludowici, Georgia

A: Lenny let me guess…
You’re into the “homemade” liquor now aren’t you?

Your College Football Week 5 Picks will be out on Thursday…
So stay tuned folks..

RTR
MEB