Although this is your last regular weekly college football pick….
The season is far from over; we still have the 2009 Bowl Game Spectacular
And Your College Football Prognosticators end of the season Awards.
They are very prestigious.

The CFB Wizard Christmas “Special”

And somewhere between now and the end of the year
We will catch up with Hootie Snitch and get his “unique” perspective on college football.

So have no fear your stockings will not be empty this year…..

This past week I was 10 and 4 or 71%, but I won the most important game on my list.

For the 2009 season (minus the one game we have this week)
Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator was 574 and 165 or a steady 78%

We will go “old school” in this week’s pick
The same format I used to have “back in the day”

There will be reader email questions and answers…..
Along with News from around the College Football World and the pick for the Army-Navy game.

It’s been a great ride this year, thank you all for coming along.

Enjoy!

TEAM NEWS

TENNESSEE: This week it was reported the NCAA is “investigating” the Volunteers for recruiting violations.
The charges revolve around the use of university “hostesses” in the recruiting process.
Notice I didn’t say “Hookers”…..
Because I have on good authority Coach Rich Rod’s wife wasn’t in Knoxville at the time of the alleged incidents.
But you want to know what I think, here you go…
Nobody and I mean NOBODY is harder on the Volunteers than yours truly.
So here is my solution to this vexing problem.
The member universities of the Southeastern Conference ask the NCAA and their team of talented “investigators”
about the status of the University of Southern California Trojan “investigation” into Reggie Bush.
We already know what the answer will be, don’t we?
So collectively and individually the universities tell the NCAA to kiss our Southern Ass until Coach Pete and the Trojans are punished, until then don’t let us catch one of your candy ass “investigators” on our campuses.
NCAA, you want to punish us? You might want to check with ABC Sports, CBS Sports and ESPN and ALL the folks paying that big money for commercial time on the major networks too.
And Until I hear or read about Coach Pete and the Trojans being punished;
I don’t want to hear a damn thing about the Volunteers “violations” of NCAA rules.

NOTRE DAME: This past week Charlie Weis was dismissed from the Fighting Irish
The national sports media descended on Charlie because he dared to allude to a “certain” Coach living in Malibu…..
With a grad student, without his wife’s knowledge.
Everybody jumped on board…
Some called Charlie “bitter” and some said he was
“Burning every bridge on the way out of South Bend”
Because, after all….
We can’t criticize Coach Pete, what is he now sixth in the PAC 10 Conference?
That Star-Kist Tuna Bowl is looking pretty sweet about now, am I right Coach Pete?

This just goes to show you how screwed up our Sports Media really is…
How about asking Coach Pete about the babe at the beach
If not that, how about asking him about the Reggie Bush investigation?

KANSAS: As you may have read, Coach Mark Mangino retired as the Jayhawks Football Coach.
Some have criticized him for the way he treated his players.
Others claimed he left because Kansas had a bad season.
The truth is, Coach Mark had nothing left to prove.
He won an Orange Bowl and he beat anorexia
Enough said..

FAT PHIL FUMER: It was reported this week that “Fat Phil Fulmer” is interested in the Notre Dame coaching job. But what was not reported was that Coach Phil went through his 6 million dollar golden handshake the University of Tennessee gave him to get his fat ass off Beacon Hill, by binging on Krispy Kreme Bear Claws and Jelly Donuts.

EDITORS NOTE: I am sure Notre Dame would be interested in Coach Phil,
If they wanted a paranoid liar and someone that would “work like heck” and didn’t mind his players raping underage mentally challenged girls in the Athletic dorm.

OREGON: I was going to try and say something positive here about the Quacks win in the annual Civil War.
But, I keep drawing a blank.

SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA: I was going to say something how asinine Coach Pete and the Trojans acted
when they scored on UCLA with 48 seconds left, but you all knew that already.
So instead, I will say this….
Seriously, no Shiite you all aren’t on NCAA probation yet?

CARSON NEWMAN: After Coach Spark’s Eagles beat the Mighty Lions of North Alabama,
I would have thought they were a lock for the Division II Championship.
That was until they got derailed by Grand Valley State…
Great season Eagles; see you all in Florence next year.

AP VOTERS: For the AP voters that voted Southern California “Number One” for the first three weeks of season, and continued to do your best to keep them hanging around the top ten until the Stanford Cardinal rode them like a rented tractor.
You should ALL be ashamed of yourselves.

FLORIDA: A lot has been said this past week about Tim Tebow
and it would be easy for me to jump on the bandwagon, but you expect more from me.
I respect a player that is passionate about winning and losing.
He is a Class act, nothing but class.

LOUISVILLE: I am glad Charlie Strong finally gets a shot at being a head coach on a big stage.
Not because he’s black, but because he is one hell of a damn football coach.
The Cardinals got a fine man and one great coach.
Congratulations
:
CLEMSON: The fact C. J. Spiller wasn’t invited to the Heisman Trophy ceremony is another illustrated example of how little the national sports writers really know about college football.

NCAA: Soooooooo When can we expect to hear something (anything) about the “Investigation” into Reggie Bush and the Southern California Trojans?

FLORIDA STATE: Now that “Father Time” has retired from Seminole University, it’s Jimbo time in Tallahassee. When I read that again, it sounds like his tenure should come with a bag of peanuts.
Never mind…

MICHIGAN: I have some Good News for Wolverine Fans!
With the economy being what it is….
You don’t have to worry about traveling to a Bowl game (again) this year!
Think of the savings!
Glad I could help…

EMAIL QUESTIONS & ANSWERS

Q: Dear Sir,
I just want to start this off by saying that I’m appalled by the accusation made by former Notre Dame Head Coach, Charlie Weis. It’s bad enough that this man cannot and will not simply exit gracefully from South Bend, but he also has to attempt to drag down and great man like University of Southern California Head Coach, Pete Carroll. I do want to set the record straight so all will not have the wrong impression. The “graduate” student in question is not a female, but, rather a young man near and dear to Pete’s heart. Attached is a photograph of the innocent victims as they stare longingly into one another’s eyes and share a passionate moment.
So, as you can see, if it’s a dude, he’s not really, technically “cheating” on his wife.
Jimmy – Long Beach, California

A: This explains Coach Pete’s love of Kenny Chesney records.

Q: Mr Wizard,
I am so disgusted with you and all of you media people making fun of my absolutely FAVORITE player, Tim Tebow. I just want you to know that if Tim Tebow was crying then there would have been flooding in Atlanta. Tim Tebow doesn’t do things like all of us normal people he does EVERYTHING better. If Tim Tebow wanted to win that game then my absolute FAVORITE football player would have made my absolute FAVORITE football team win about 55 to nothing. But he didn’t. And do you know why? CAUSE HE AINT SELFISH!!! He’s done won him a Heisman and a couple of National Championships and he wanted to share all his good fortune with them boys from Alabama. Did you see how he didn’t get that many yards running the ball? Did you see how he generously threw that ball to the Crimpson Tide fella in the end zone towards the end of the game? That proves it!!!
So LEAVE MY HEART THROB TIM TEBOW ALONE!!!
Go Gators FOREVER!!!
Tracy in Homassassa

A: Tracy don’t get your Daisy Dukes is a twist; Timmy is nothing but class in my book.

Q: Dear Sir,
As a loyal alumnus of the University of Tennessee, I must take issue with the recent reports from the New York Times and other media outlets regarding the Universities use of “Hostesses” to assist with the recruiting effort. Just for the record, these comely young ladies are as innocent and pure as the driven snow and represent the wholesomeness of the university. Further, these ladies voluntarily travel to various recruit’s home towns to represent our fine institution at their high school football games and also, greet and assist young men on their recruiting trips to Knoxville in satisfying their various needs. In no way is this a violation of any rules. Here is a recent photo of these fine young ladies in their greeting attire, dressed to impress, as they await another young recruit to arrive on the field at Rocky Top.
Beavis Bowers – Knoxville, Tennessee

A: My first thought….
You all need to get a dental school in Tennessee…

Q: Dear Sir,
I don’t know if you’ve heard about it or not, but there is a story out stating that Coach Mark Mangino verbally abused his players. Sir, I was one of those players and I come forward to you with this letter as additional proof of what an absolute brute that man is.
One day while I was moussing my hair, this overgrown orangutan came in and jostled me in the middle of combing and preening!! I mean, I spent over 20 minutes trying to get it just right and he hits my elbow and makes me mess up this masterpiece!! Then, he had the unmitigated gall to say, “Hey pretty-boy, you’re boyfriend waiting on you or something?” Well, needless to say, I was outraged. On another occasion, while in the dressing room, he came upon me from behind and popped me with my jock strap!! I stood there humiliated and red-faced while all my teammates laughed and giggled.
This degrading behavior will no longer be tolerated by me or friends on the team.
I told my mom and she said I should write you.
So what do you think Mr. Wizard? Is he an animal or what!?!?
Philo Van Assderbilt – Lawrence, Kansas

A: I think you and your teammates that complained about such treatment wouldn’t last long enough at a Southeastern Conference School to find the damn men’s room.

Q: Dear Sir –
I am a Private Investigator here in Los Angeles.
I don’t know who else to turn to with the evidence I gathered…
Below is a transcript of a recent conversation I recorded between two well known coaches with a “bionic ear” during a pregame.
Picture is enclosed…
Anonymous – Los Angeles, California

Carroll: You know, Charlie, I’ve got this place up in Malibu….

Weis: Reeeeeeealllly?

Carroll: Well, yeah….and you know you’re kind of cute in a Ned Beatty kind of way…..
Can you squeal like a pig?

Weis: Yessssssssss, oh yesssssss…… By the way, how do you like my hourglass figure?
It took me 20 minutes to get my belt this tight….. all for YOU Petey!!!

A: One word: Creepy

THE PICK

Saturday December 12th

Army and Navy
These aren’t two of the best teams in the nation
But they do have some of the best young men in the nation.
Be sure and watch the pregame pageantry
And don’t miss the traditional post game action.
It will make you feel good about America
MIDSHIPMEN 31-17

Enjoy your Weekend
There is more to come….
So Stay Tuned…

RTR
MEB

Before we get into this weeks picks….
I want to thank Hootie Snitch for providing his “unique” perspective on last weeks games and answering your email questions.

But just for the record I am a lot closer to Two Buck Tim than I am Tim Buck Two…

Last week your favorite college football prognosticator was a “disappointing” 42 and 15 or 75%.
And for the season I stand at 453 and 121 or a rather lackluster 79%.

But I take solace in my prognostication powers
when I heard that ESPN college football “analyst” Todd McShay, according to the network…
was making his picks at a “furious” pace by selecting “16” games currently this season where he stands at 10 and 6.

I know what you are thinking……
“Amateur”

But before we roll into Week 11’s Picks I want to wish…….
A Happy Veterans Day to all Veterans, past, present and future.

And a Happy Marine Corps Birthday to my Marine brethren around the world
We’ve Been Keep’n it Real since 1775….

Enjoy your games!

COMMENTATORS QUOTE

Bret Musburger on Alabama Coach Nick Saban
During the game with LSU in 2007 which the Crimson Tide lost

“There is the highest paid coach in American folks;
it doesn’t look like the folks in Alabama are getting a lot for their money does it?”

EDITORS NOTE: Just for the record dumbass….
I don’t think we pay Coach Nick enough, buy I think it has worked out o.k., don’t you?

Wednesday November 11th

Toledo at Central Michigan
The rockets will be reduced to a pack of firecrackers before halftime
Believe it
CHIPPEWAS 33-14

Thursday November 12th

Texas Southern at Grambling State
The Bayou Classic……
Beyond the football game, the battle of the bands is not to be missed.
I am still a Coach Rob man…
ROB’S TIGERS 31-17

Bowling Green at Miami (OH)
Another Classic Battle on I-75
The Falcons are favored, but I have a feeling….
REDSKINS 24-21

South Florida at Rutgers
I know, I know
This game is being played in “Jousey….”
But forget about it…..
NO BULL 33-28

Friday November 13th

West Virginia at Cincinnati
Save a Couch, Beat the Mountaineers
BEARKATS 31-28

Temple at Akron
The Owls are on their way to their first Bowl game since 1979…
Zippy gets Zipped…
HOOT OWLS 24-20

Saturday November 14th

Florida at South Carolina
Nobody needs to tell Coach Steve how bad a Gator bite can be….
MIGHTY GATORS 33-17

Furman at Georgia Southern
I can’t wait to hear Chewbacca sing the “Statesboro Blues”
I heard he does a great Greg Allman imitation
EAGLES 24-21

Texas at Baylor
The Waco Bears have really come on as of late…….
and I know I missed picking the Bears in “The Battle of the Brazos”
But the boys in burnt orange are the real McCoy
MIGHTY LONGHORNS 34-21

Pennsylvania at Harvard
I really don’t care and neither should you

Alabama at Mississippi State
The Bully Bulldogs are always tough…
But the Tide is coming in…
CRIMSON TIDE 24-13

Frostburg State at Salisbury
This game is a stark reminder that I wish I had a frosty beverage and a Salisbury steak.
But sometimes I wish for too much

Indiana at Penn State
I missed on Joe Pa’s Lions last week against the mighty Buckeyes….
But Joe has more than enough magnification left in his reading glasses to burn the Homers from Hoosierville
JOE’S LIONS 31-17

Columbia at Cornell
Nobody cares about this game either, and as a side note…
Both teams marching bands suck too.

Tennessee at Ole Miss
Remember my prognostication about the Volunteers not losing another game?
Yeah, I was serious…
VOWELS 34-17

Arizona at California
I would watch this game
but I heard there was fighting in Central America, and I have to watch the news, I have friends in Missouri.
I bet there fighting those damn people from Kansas.
GOLDEN BEARS 33-28

Miami (FL) at North Carolina
The Tar Heels….
Wait, what the hell is that anyway?
Is that somebody who walked across a freshly paved road bare footed?
Never mind….
ROCK YOU LIKE A HURRICANE 23-17

EDITORS NOTE: That song is stuck in your head now isn’t it?

Virginia Military Institute at Army
There are better games going on around the country when this game gets underway….
There are better teams playing this Saturday with more at stake in the college football world, while this game is being played
But you won’t find any better kids anywhere in the country than you will see right here
They are some of the very best we have in this country
BLACK KNIGHTS OF THE HUDSON 24-14

Texas A&M at Oklahoma
If you wonder why I continue to pick the Sooners…
even with all the season ending injuries on the team, the answer to that question is easy.
It’s because they are the still the Mighty Sooners, that’s why.
BOOMER SOONERS 31-28

Virginia Tech at Maryland
Ed Wang of Virginia Tech, who also happens to be the biggest Wang in College Football, but I digress….
I wonder if Ed Wang has ever gone out and “Wang Chung Tonight”
Just curious…
HOKEY HOKEY HI! 34-17

Samford at Wofford
This pesky cough is going to kick Sam’s ass, count on it.
WOFFY 33-13

Stanford at Southern California
No Upset Special Here……
The Darlings of the Sports Media get their other eye blacked with a tree
CARDINAL 38-24

EDITORS NOTE: I know it doesn’t really fit here…..
But……
Coach Pete, you want a quacker?
That never gets old for me..

Iowa at Ohio State
The quarterback with the Black and Gold is out for at least two weeks
The Buckeyes are rolling and the game is in the Big Horseshoe
Enough said….
MIGHTY BUCKEYES 31-17

Citadel at Chattanooga
The Bulldogs get shoed away from a win with a moccasin, believe it.
MOCCASINS 28-24

Texas Tech at Oklahoma State
The Red Raiders get rode down by the Cowboys in Stillwater
You better believe it….
COWBOY UP! 38-34

Florida State at Wake Forest
A lot of people are down on Coach Bobby as of late…..
They want to say it’s because he is “too old” to be coaching
He went to high school with Noah, so yeah he is definitely “old”
But that’s not the real reason is it?
It’s because you Seminoles aren’t beating the hell out of everybody, right?
You complainers should all should be ashamed of yourselves…
SEMI-NOLES 24-21

Nebraska at Kansas
I can’t help but wonder….
Are there a lot of Huskers that shop in the “Husky” sections at department stores…..
Do any of them own Husky dogs?
I know, sometimes I wonder too much…
HUSKY CORNHUSKERS 23-17

Auburn at Georgia
This game is called “The Deep South’s Oldest Rivalry”, because it is just that.
Conventional wisdom calls for the Tigers to win this game, they are favored in the contest.
But as you all know by now….
I am neither conventional nor wise.
RUN YOU SILVER BRITCHES! 34-31

Michigan at Wisconsin
Despite the fact the Wolverines are playing in Wisconsin,
There is no truth to the rumor that Coach Rod’s wife’s perfume smell’s like old cheese
That is hurtful and untrue
Her perfume smells more like the mixture of old peoples feet, wet corn flakes and a high school rest room urinal cake.
I hope that sets the record straight
BEHOLD THE POWER OF CHEESE 31-21

Washington at Oregon State
For once I agree with Hootie Snitch…
I love me some Beavers…
MIGHTY BEAVERS 33-17

Troy at Arkansas
What in the Hell was Troy thinking scheduling this game?
He must be drinking again….
RAZORBACKS 43-10

Colorado at Iowa State
Thank you all for your enquiries….
But my sister-in-law will “Not” be leading the Colorado Team on the field
this Saturday as the “Guest Buffalo” for the game with the Cyclones.
She is currently filming new “Messing with Sasquatch” Beef Jerky commercials..
Before you ask, “No” she is not wearing any makeup…
And “Yes” they are using “movie magic” to cover up her antlers, sorry..
I mean “calcium deposits”
BUFFALOS 24-17

South Dakota State at Minnesota
Question for the Minnesota faithful…
Aren’t Gophers really just hamsters on steroids?
O’ So GOLDEN GOPHERS 38-23

Georgia Tech at Duke
The Devils will be Black and Blue before this one is over…
YELLOW JACKETS 38-14

Clemson at North Carolina State
This game is known as “The Textile Bowl”
The winner of the decorative towels and fuzzy bathroom mats is…
DABO’S TIGERS 34-17

Notre Dame at Pittsburgh
This classic matchup in the North is played for the highly coveted…
“Yeti in a Tube Top” trophy….
Not really I was just hoping someone would take my sister-in-law for Thanksgiving
FIGHTN’ IRISH 33-28

Kentucky at Vanderbilt
The Commodores get the Blues in Music City on Saturday Night
Believe it….
BIG BLUE WILDCATS 24-20

Boston College at Virginia
The Cavaliers lost to the Duke Blue Devils two weeks ago….
Enough said….
CHESTNUT HILL EAGLES 141-14

UCLA at Washington State
I understand Alvin and the Chipmunks will be singing the National Anthem at this game
Not the “real” Chipmunks, just some dudes or dudettes in foam rubber costumes
Sorry, I didn’t mean to get you all worked up over nothing
BRUINS 33-14

Northwestern at Illinois
Another Big Ten “rivalry” game and you know what that means..
That’s right, another game for a coveted trophy!
This annual game between these two schools is played for
“The Trombone of Cheese Whiz”
Don’t touch it, you don’t know were it’s been
FIGHTN’ PUMPKINS 28-17

Missouri at Kansas State
In any conflict between the states of Missouri and Kansas
I always side with Kansas, because I am a Jesse James man..
but any team that goes to the trouble of digging up their dead coach
and propping him up on the sidelines to inspire their team, well…
I have to respect that
WILDCATS 24-23

Arizona State at Oregon
I would watch this game but the Animal Planet is having a “Special” on Sea Monkey’s.
You know they are natures perfect creature right?
They swim in the ocean and can live in the jungle.
If you don’t believe me then why do you think they call them “Sea Monkeys”?
I think I made my point
QUACK ATTACK 33-28

Michigan State at Purdue
This Big Ten Rivalry is played each year for a magnificent trophy!
Aren’t they all?
This Big Ten game is played for the highly coveted “Bejeweled Staff of Doubt”
Frankly I doubt anybody really cares about this game..
BOILERMAKERS 31-24

Houston at Central Florida
The Golden Knights are in Orlando right?
Isn’t that were “O Town” was from?
That’s all I need to know…
COUGARS 33-21

Syracuse at Louisville
This game may answer the eternal philosophical question….
Will anyone attend a college football game between two crappy teams?
CARDINALS 17-10

Brigham Young at New Mexico
The Lobos get Low Blow’d in New Mexico…
I know that was catchy right?
Think of me as the college football version of Doctor Seuss
COUGARS 34-17

UAB at Memphis
I know what I am talking about here
I’ve been to Graceland…
Thank you, thank you very much
ELVIS’S TIGERS 24-17

Idaho at Boise State
This game is entitled….
“The Battle of Idaho” and it is played for the Governors Cup
At least this instate battle doesn’t have the word “Flower” in it
BRONCOS 34-21

Texas El Paso at Southern Methodist
The Miners of El Paso have surprised a few people this year, but they won’t surprise
THE MIGHTY MUSTANGS 33-28

Tulane at Rice
Not that this has anything to do with the game, but I have to ask
Why is Rice-a-Roni the San Francisco treat?
I always thought it was Liberace
Never mind…
HOO HOOT OWLS 21-17

Delaware at Navy
I have grown to love that Navy Goat mascot….
You have to respect a mascot that can eat a tin can, you know what I mean?
MIDSHIPMEN 38-17

Southern Miss at Marshall
I really like both of these teams, but they harder to predict than the weather
WE ARE MARSHALL 24-21

UNLV at Air Force
The Falcons are soaring and the Rebels are grounded….
This one is easy
FALCONS 34-10

Utah at Texas Christian
UPSET SPECIAL!!!!!!!!
Two Ute’s take down the horned amphibians in Cow Town
So says my Cousin Vinny
TWO UTES 28-24

Louisiana Tech at LSU
The Bulldogs are in trouble in this instate Battle on the Bayou
Mike the Tiger is angry and hungry….
HEY FIGHTN’ TIGERS 34-10

New Mexico State at Hawaii
This game is just another reminder I am missing “Dog the Bounty Hunter”
Life is so unfair sometimes
WARRIORS jumping rope over RAINBOWS 31-28

Sunday November 15th

East Carolina at Tulsa
I wonder if a “Golden Hurricane” is a drink you don’t have buy yourself
on Bourbon Street?
Makes you wonder doesn’t it?
CAROLINA PIRATES 23-21

Enjoy your weekend and your games

Stay tuned…

RTR
MEB