While Coach Pete and the Southern California Trojans are singing MC Hammer songs
and trying to determine if they are “Too Legit to Quit”, the rest of us will roll into the Week 12 Picks.

But before we do I need to mention….
Last week your Favorite College Football Prognosticator…
was a substandard 39 and 15 or a rather lowly 72%. That leaves us at 492 and 136 or 78% for the season.

We have some bitter rivalries to discuss and the opening round of the Division II Playoffs
So let’s get to it shall we?

Coach Pete, “You can’t touch this”

Enjoy your games!

Wednesday November 18th

Central Michigan at Ball State
I don’t know if you’ve noticed this but….
When Lou Holtz says “Chippewa’s” he sounds just like Sylvester the Cat
CHIPPEWA’S 33-21

Buffalo at Miami (OH)
The Redskins have disappointed me all year, tonight will be no exception
And that my friends is “No Bull”
BULLS 34-13

Thursday November 19th

Colorado at Oklahoma State
In Stillwater they have a little saying: “Buffalo”….
The “other” white meat
COWBOY UP! 33-14

Friday November 20th

Akron at Bowling Green
Another I-75 Battle in the Buckeye state….
Falcons Zip the Zip’s……
FALCONS 31-28

Boise State at Utah State
The Bronco’s are on their way to an undefeated season….
Just like I said they would…
No need to thank me Boise Fans…
It’s how I roll….
BRONCOS 38-17

Saturday November 20th

Florida International at Florida
If “International’s” football team was a musical group they would be Menudo.
MIGHTY GATORS 38-14

Kansas at Texas
I hate to be the one to tell you this…
But Dorothy, you aren’t in Kansas anymore…
MIGHTY LONGHORNS 34-17

Chattanooga at Alabama
I was very proud of the Moccasins come from behind win last week
But this week, the Tide is Rolling and Rolling and Rolling…
CRIMSON TIDE 45-10

LSU at Ole Miss
This game is going to be a slobber knocker from start to finish
Believe it
HEY FIGHTN’ TIGERS 24-23

Arkansas Tech at North Alabama
The “Wonder Boys” from Tech are going to “wonder”…..
what the hell they were thinking playing the mighty Lions of Florence in the first round of the Division II Playoffs.
FLORENCE LIONS 33-24

Citadel at Georgia Southern
The Bulldogs lost a sizeable lead to the Mighty Moccasins last Saturday
and they will get a terminal case of the Statesboro Blues this week…
Sounds like the beginning of a country song….
Just add train sounds…
EAGLES 34-24

North Carolina State at Virginia Tech
It’s too close to Thanksgiving “Not” to pick the Turkey’s
HOKIES 34-17

Oklahoma at Texas Tech
The Mighty Sooners are going to have their hands full this weekend….
And so will the Red Raiders…..
This one is going to be close….
Real close….
BOOMER SOONERS 31-28

West Alabama at Carson Newman
Another first round Division II Playoff Matchup….
The Tigers aren’t ready for the Boy’s from Jefferson City..
SPARKS EAGLES 33-28

Ohio State at Michigan
The title alone says it all….
There are few games that garner more hate and discontent…
These two bitter rivals hate each other 365 days a year….
Between these two states, there is nothing more important…
MIGHTY BUCKEYES 31-17

Memphis at Houston
My Cougars have dropped the ball as of late…
(No Pun intended…)
But I still believe…..
COUGARS 34-17

Minnesota at Iowa
This Big Ten Battle is played for the coveted “Floyd of Rosedale”
If you are wondering what that actually is, it’s a Bronze Pig statue, ok?
Which makes absolutely no sense to me..
EYES OF THE HAWK 33-14

Harvard at Yale
A classic matchup that absolutely nobody cares about…
Including me..

Penn State at Michigan State
This Big Ten Battle is called “The Battle of the Land Grants”
And it is played for the “Land Grant Trophy”
No, I didn’t make this up…..
I wish it was called “The Battle of the Foster Grants”
And the winner got some cool sunglasses….
JOE PA’S LIONS 24-20

Oregon at Arizona
The Wildcats are undefeated at home in the desert this year….
But the Quacks are on the attack….
If you don’t think so…
Just ask Coach Pete how his quacker is doing?
QUACK ATTACK 33-31

Duke at Miami (FL)
The Blue Devils are doing better than they did last year…
Which is like saying..
Kenny Chesney doesn’t act as gay as he used too..
HURRICANES 34-14

Kentucky at Georgia
The Dawgs will tree the cats between the hedges and leave them blue.
HUNKER DOWN DAWGS! 38-21

Kansas State at Nebraska
The Wildcats got spanked by MO’s Tigers last Saturday…
The Children of the Corn get medieval on the Cats this weekend…
HUSKY’S OF THE CORN 28-14

California at Stanford
This PAC 10 Rivalry is called “The Big Game”
They play it each year for the “Stanford Ax”
If you think I am going against the Tree, you would be wrong.
CARDINAL 43-38

Mississippi State at Arkansas
The Bulldogs are tough and getting tougher…..
But the Hogs are hitting their stride…..
RAZORBACKS 31-14

Arizona State at UCLA
The hopes of the Devils from the Valley of the Sun….
Will melt in Pasadena like a Hershey Bar on a dash board of a truck in Dallas on July 4th
BRUINS 24-17

Maryland at Florida State
There is some good news and some bad news for Coach Bobby this weekend
The “Good News” is that the Seminoles will win this weekend…
The “Bad News” is Coach Bobby believes the Japanese just bombed Pearl Harbor
and will spend the entire game hiding in a bunker near the stadium.
SEMI-NOLES 38-17

Louisville at South Florida
Here is how this works…
The Cardinals just sneaked by Otto the Orange last Saturday in the Ville…
The Bulls were embarrassed in Jersey
The Boys from Tampa rebound against Coach K. this week..
NO BULL 33-14

Wisconsin at Northwestern
Another Big Ten Battle this week and you know what that means…
Yes! Another rivalry game for a trophy!
This game between these two magnificent schools is played for….
“The Magnificent Marsupial Trophy”
I know it sounds important, but it looks like a stuffed possum.
HEADS OF CHEESE 33-31

Purdue at Indiana
This Big Ten Matchup and instate rivalry is played for…..
“The Old Oaken Bucket”
As opposed to…..
“The Semi-new recyclable plastic environmentally friendly repository of Hope”
BOILERMAKERS 28-24

North Carolina at Boston College
The Boys from Chestnut Hill have a problem this weekend….
The Heels of Tar are rolling into town….
It’s like an Oil Spill, except you get your ass kicked in the process.
TAR HEELS 28-13

Iowa State at Missouri
In the Name of Jesse James I will not doubt MO’s Tigers again…
I said that this week and I intend on keeping my word…
MO’S TIGERS 31-27

Rutgers at Syracuse
Now that I know that Tony Soprano is “working” the games for the Scarlett Knights..
This one is an easy pick…
After all, I certainly don’t want to anger my Italian American friends in Jersey..
I might want to go back to Atlantic City one day..
And return in one piece…
SCARLETT KNIGHTS 34-10

Virginia at Clemson
The Boys from Charlottesville play less like “Cavaliers”
And more like midgets on miniature ponies, with little sombreros and chaps
DABO’S TIGERS 33-14

Oregon State at Washington State
Much like Coach Riley……
I am all about the Beavers…..
MIGHTY BEAVERS 43-10

Vanderbilt at Tennessee
There is no truth to the rumor…..
That the latest Volunteer player arrested for shop lifting was in a disguise
therefore it took nearly two weeks for the police to release the report.
In fact he was wearing his football jersey with his name on the back while committing the crime,
the Tennessee Athletic Administration was just trying to keep it a “secret” like they used too.
Glad I could clear that up for everyone…
VOWELS 24-14

Wofford at Furman
This game will be a Battle between two of Chewbacca’s Kids
I just hope nobody gets a hairball….
FURRYMAN 23-17

Kent State at Temple
I’m sorry but every time I hear anything about the “Golden Flashes”
I get a visual image of naked people at the nursing home
HOOT OWLS 24-17

Texas Christian at Wyoming
The Horned Amphibians from Cow Town destroyed the two Ute’s last week…
They will stick the cowboys this Saturday….
Cowboy down
HORNED FROGS 34-14

Tulane at Central Florida
Neither of these teams has a personality…..
Sort of like my sister-in-law
Minus the one foot that looks like a hoof…
the hump on the back, the horns, I mean “calcium deposits”…
but other than that they are almost exactly alike.
GOLDEN KNIGHTS 24-21

Connecticut at Notre Dame
Even a win over the Huskies won’t save Coach Charlie’s job….
But the good news is that Gerry Faust is available..
So, it’s like a “win-win”
FIGHTN’ IRISH 33-23

Air Force at Brigham Young
The Cougars are tough to beat in Provo…
But these Falcons Aim High…
FALCONS 33-28

UAB at East Carolina
What’s the deal with the “Blazers” of Birmingham having a “Dragon” as a mascot?
The only “Dragon” I ever saw in Alabama was when I went on this blind date once..
Never mind, I don’t want to talk about it…
PIRATES 31-28

Texas El Paso at Rice
My favorite pudding gets pounded by the semi-mighty miners…
Believe it…
MINERS 43-10

Baylor at Texas A&M
Let’s be honest here….
Neither of these teams are worthy of a bid to the “Vienna Sausage Bowl”
That says it all…
GIG EM AGGIES 38-34

Army at North Texas
I love Denton Texas, but I don’t have a clue to what a “Mean Green” is…
Unless it’s a kitchen cleanser
Why would you name your team after some thing like that?
What’s next, “The Blistering Bleach”?
BLACK KNIGHTS OF THE HUDSON 24-23

San Diego State at Utah
So these two Aztec Ute’s were on their way to a ritual human sacrifice at the temple of the sun God….
Stop me if you’ve heard it…
TWO UTES 43-14

Southern Methodist at Marshall
I do love the folks in Huntington, and the Thundering Herd…
But they are playing against…
THE MIGHTY MUSTANGS 33-24

Colorado State at New Mexico
The winner of this game does get a bid to the “Vienna Sausage Bowl”
Yeah, this game is “that” important..
LOBOS 24-23

Tulsa at Southern Miss
After last week, were I actually doubted the Golden Eagles…
Well, I learned my lesson…
I can’t have my home folks mad at me…
GOLDEN EAGLES 28-24

Hawaii at San Jose State
Wouldn’t you know it….
The “new” season of “Dog the Bounty Hunter” is starting and I am stuck
in Two Buck Tim…
Sometimes, life just isn’t fair…
WARRIORS doing the electric slide over RAINBOWS 24-21

Nevada at New Mexico State
The Pack of Wolves has one of the finest running backs in the nation…
and the Aggies have “Lasso Pete” as a mascot….
Yeah, this one is easy…
WOLFPACK 34-10

Enjoy your weekend and your games

Stay tuned…
There is more to come..

RTR
MEB

Since that Bama guy that writes this thing is in Tim Buck Two…
I am a gonna due the rewind article this week and answer some of yawls emails.
He sent me some notes and stuff, but I am fixing to get my “wing it on”.

Before we get into that yawl need to know that I have been celebrating…
The Vol’s winning the Tennessee State Championship!
I know what you is a thinking too.
They ain’t played Vanderbilt yet….
Well don’t you worry about that we is gonna beat the doors off them Commodores.
Get it?

But just so’s you know, even though I’ve been celebrating….I ain’t drunk.
I don’t care what that police man said…

COACH’S QUOTE OF THE LAST WEEK

“Oregon played faster than we wanted them too be……”
Coach Pete Carroll of the University of Southern California

HOOTIE’S NOTE: No kidding Sherlock..
That’s about the dumbest damn thing I heard
since my cousin said he was going on eBay to find him a “good hammer”.
Elmer, if you is a reading this, they got a million of em at Home Depot, dumbass.

TEAM NEWS @ OTHER STUFF TOO

TENNESSEE: They way I see it….
The Volunteers ought to be the Number four team in the country…
Them Gators just barely got by us…
Then them cheating Crimson Tides barely got by us…
So, they way I figure it we IS the Number Four Team in the country and ought to be in the National Championship talking.
O Yeah, we is Tennessee State Champs too!

A-RABS: I don’t know why all them folks are worked up over that Mohammad fellow.
I went to Wal-Mart in Knoxville on Friday to get some more stuff for my restaurant “Snitch’s”
that is going to have a “Grand opening” in about a another week.
It’s going to straight up, awesome!
Anyway, I got off the subject…
This guy greeting people when you walked in, his name tag said “Mohammad”.
So’s I walk over to him and ask,“Why are folks blowing themselves up over you. Are you telling them to do it or something?”
Cause if he would have said “yes”, I was going to put a Baneberry country ass whopping on his ass.
But Mohammad said, “NO! I am good person, I am here legally, I am not a terrorist!”
Well it kind of sounded like that, cause he didn’t speak very good American.
So, what ever you crazy ass A-Rabs are doing you need to cut that crap out…
Cause I talked to Mohammad and he didn’t know a damn thing about it.

PHIL FULMER: There ain’t goin to be No Criticism of the Great Coach Phil when I run the article.
He is like a majestic Walrus, except bigger and with a crown and wings.
That’s how I picture him, so you won’t read nothing negative here about Coach Phil.

TEXAS: I thought the Wizard guy was crazy as hell when he picked yawl to play in the National Championship game..
But it looks like it just might happen.

VETERANS DAY: Now I ain’t never been in combat per say, but I have been married twice, which should count for something,…
and I ain’t never been in the military but I was in Webelos, so I had me a uniform.
But I got to thank all the veterans everywhere for kicking ass and taking names and keeping us free.

ALABAMA: It’s still ain’t right yawl got a guy on the defense that is bigger than three of our boys…
and that’s the last time I’m going to say anything about it.

OREGON STATE: Beaver Jim, the football Wizard fellow wanted me to apologize that he missed your game over them California people. But, I would have picked yawl, if it would have been me, cause I love me some Beavers.

NEBRASKA: I don’t know how the hell them Cornhuskers beat them Sooner’s but I am betting they is still celebrating down in Lincoln.

OHIO STATE: I don’t know who woke them Buckeyes up, but they are tougher than my momma’s pan fried steak.

FLORIDA STATE: I don’t want to say Coach Bobby is getting old, but he was coaching at Florida State before it was a State.

MICHIGAN: The Wizard guy wanted me to say something about the Wolverines losing to Purdue at home for the first time since 1966, but I want to say something about that Michigan Coach’s wife.
That gal is uglier than homemade soap. I saw her on the Television last week, and my damn watch stopped.

TEXAS CHRISTIAN: The Horned Frogs are ranked the highest since 1956, hell fire I wasn’t even born then.

OREGON: So last week you beat them Trojans like a rented mule and this week you lost to team with a foam rubber tree mascot. What the hell is a going on up there?
Don’t nobody want to win yawls damn conference title?

NAVY: “Mister Wizard” didn’t pick yawl, which is stupid. I would have picked you to beat Notre Dame and I’ll tell you why.
The Navy has them SEALS and they are a bunch of bad asses, I know I seen the movie.
So of course they gonna beat some Leprechauns ass. That pick would have been easy for ole Hootie.

IOWA: I can’t believe yawl lost to a direction on the map, just another reason why the Vol’s ought to be ranked in front of them.

SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA: I got to agree with that Alabama Wizard guy, yawl should be on damn NCAA probation by now.
It’ don’t help that Coach Pete, rhymes with “Cheat”

EMAIL QUESTIONS @ ANSWERS WITH HOOTIE

Q: Dear Sir,
I just wanted to convey to you and your informed readership of a recent development that arose after the annual “Not The World’s Largest Cocktail Party Anymore Due to Political Correctness” game between the Bulldogs from somewhere and the Grand and Glorious University of Florida Gators led by the Esteemed and World Reknowned Tim Tebow. There was a fairly inconspicuous incident that occurred on the field of play in which it was alleged that Brandon Spikes tried to poke an opposing players’ eye. As I said, “alleged.” Well, I must say that had there not been numerous replays by ESPN that no one would have ever noticed anything had happened. But, nooooooooooooo, ESPN gets a clip of a players hand from the Esteemed and Pre-eminent University of Florida entering the face mask of an opposing player and it is automatically assumed that Mr Brandon Spikes is up to no good. I can personally attest that after reviewing said play I feel that he was either trying to help adjust the opposing players contact lens or perhaps was wiping his nose, since, as you know, it is flu season.
After the media circus that was created by this obviously misinterpreted incident I recommended that Mr Spikes be suspended for the first half of the game with Vanderbilt. Soon after this announcement, for some reason, there was another uproar. Well, thank goodness that Mr Spikes saw the situation and suspended himself for the entire game. I hope this satisfies the bloodlust inspired by inferior rival schools due to the jealousy of the University of Florida being anointed as the SEC representative to the National Championship.
By the way, if you saw the illustrious Mr Spikes on the sideline of the Florida-Vandy game, he was clean shaven and no longer looks like a thug.
Thank you Mr Spikes for your assistance.
Mike Slive
President
Southeastern Conference

A: Mister President Slive that is how them damn Gators beat us Volunteers by a bunch of eye grabbing and God knows what else. Can you see fit, since you’re the President and all to give us that game since they was a cheating? Also, them Crimson Tides got a guy named after a Mountain that is bigger than a new Buick. That ain’t right neither.

Q: Dear Sir,
I’ve been watching that Notre Dame team get beat all over the place by Navy. I mean, here’s a team with practically their own TV network, the sports outlets are always going ga-ga over them, and they’re getting beat by a service academy. Not being disrespectful to service academies, but, I mean, what the hell? I just think that they’re seriously overrated.
In fact, I think their name is about right. I don’t know what an “Ire” is, but they’re not good enough to be called a regulare “Ire”.
I think they’re just Ire-ish.
What do you think?
Timmy the Trojan, Los Angeles, California

A: I tell you what ole Hootie thinks….
You damn Trojan fans are always acting like yawl got your monkey chapped over one thing or another.
Bunch of damn cry babies is what I think…
But here’s something for your chapped monkey…

Q: Dear Mister Wizard
I was sittin here watchin Mr Mark May slobberin all over that cheatin Pete Carroll
after U$C Squeaked by Arizona State & I have a question.
Why does mark May wear glasses without any lenses in them?
I was just wondering cause you can see a reflection on the frame but not on any lenses.
Does he wear them like goggles in case Mr Lou Holtz slobber’s on him or is it cause he thinks wearing glasses that’s for decorations makes him look smart?
I really don’t think he’s very smart if you ask me.
I mean, he tried to make a big deal out of U$C squeaking by Notre Dumb even though they aren’t very good. What do you think?
Steve – Platte City, Missouri

A: That’s a damn fine question..
I am a guessing it’s because he wants to “look smart”.
Cause I will tell you, when Mark May starts making sense to you, it’s a sure sign that you’ve had too much to drink.

Q: You no take me serious!
Now Navy Beat Irish and that all we hear about!
I see Navy Goat mascot everywhere and it offend me and honorable family!
It even on Weather Channel!
I want NCAA to change Navy mascot, they change other schools because of offense!
I honorable business man and give you photo of my restaurant!
Send me NCAA address to change navy mascot!
Ding Dung – San Francisco, California

A: I ain’t trying to tell you your business…..
But you couldn’t get somebody down South to eat in a place with name like that at gunpoint.
Kind of made me sick just looking at it..

Q: Who in the hell do you think you are?
You picked the Trojans to lose two games or “more” this year and they do, just like you picked Oklahoma to do the same.
You picked TCU and Boise State to be undefeated and they still are…
You picked Alabama and Florida to meet in Atlanta and they will…
You picked Texas to go to the National Championship game and it looks like they are on their way.
Just who do you think you are?
James – Atlanta, Georgia

A: I don’t know who he is neither…
But I heard that Wizard guy was part Secret agent and part Transformer.

Stay tuned cause I’m goin to have me an update on my “Grand Opening” of Snitch’s.

The Wizard says them picks will be out later in the week too.

Yawl have a good week now, you hear?

Hootie – Out!

Let’s face it….
When it comes to college football….
We dearly love to hate each other….

Now I am not throwing rocks at anybody….
I am right there with you….

EDITORS NOTE: For those readers that don’t think this section applies to you…
Don’t make me say that “one” word that will remind you of your hated rival and make your head pop off.
Because I will do it…

Certainly rivalries and grudges are not confined to the South……

EDITORS NOTE: But thanks to our neighbors to the north…
We Southerners have made it an art form…

But in the world that is college football…..
There are few nerves or feelings that are as raw as those between the Ohio State Buckeyes and the Michigan Wolverines….

EDITORS NOTE: You don’t think so?
Some Michigan Fans will write me nasty letters this week because the above sentence has “Buckeyes” before “Wolverines”.
Believe it….

The Big 10….
And Big Ole Hard feelings….

Let us not question it…
We should embrace it….

The names are synonymous with the Greatest of All-Time in College Football…..

Woody….
Bo….

Rex Kerns…
Jack Tatum…
Champ Henson….
Jim Stillwagon…
Archie Griffin…

Tom Harmon…
Charles Woodson…
Desmond Howard…
Antony Carter…
Tom Brady…

The Big Horseshoe…
The Big House….

Show me a person that claims they are a fan of one of those teams…
That says….
“I really don’t care who wins the game…”

I will show you a closet Canadian….

There is no middle ground for the universities, alumni, fans or players….

There are even billboards in northern Ohio that read….

The “real” fans of those teams live it…
Everyday….
365 days of the year….

I respect that….

Please enjoy the short clip..
And….
Embrace the hate….

Click here to view the embedded video.

RTR
MEB

Although we are in the period between spring football and the kickoff of our beloved 2009 college football season, there is still a lot to discuss.

But you wouldn’t know it by watching the major sports networks…
That’s why I am here…

There is No NBA here….
Where “one second” constitutes a minute…

EDITORS NOTE: I still believe…
If the folks that run the NBA would have been in charge of WW II..
We would still be fighting the Germans and the Japanese.

No references to Hockey in this column…

EDITORS NOTE: I recognize this is considered a “sport” in some parts of the country, however I am from South Alabama and we do not recognize any winter sports as legitimate “sports”.
I hope this clears up any misunderstanding.

No mention of Soccer….

EDITORS NOTE: Please no hate mail on this subject…
You know how I feel…
If “French-men” can play it…
Then it’s not a “real” sport…
Sorry…

Not the slightest reference to Billiards…

EDITORS NOTE: They call this a “sport”?
What’s next, a “Rock-Paper-Scissors” Tournament?

Classic Celebrity Poker…

EDITORS NOTE: Please see “Billiards” above

No my loyal readers..
Such things will not be discussed here…

Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator has all the news and your email questions and answers to keep you occupied and informed until the kickoff of the 2009 college football season.

Which in case you were wondering…
Is only 98 days away…

Enjoy your Update!

COLLEGE FOOTBALL NEWS

NEBRASKA: Cornhusker Athletic Director, former congressman, and Legendary Coach Tom Osborne recently proposed to resurrect  a rule that was once a staple of the Big 8 and other major football conferences.

Holding college football referees accountable to a standard…
And punishing them for poor performance..
What a novel approach, wouldn’t you say?

EDITORS NOTE: GO Get Em TOM!

MINNESOTA: This season the University of Minnesota has decided to bend to the will of PETA.

The administration agreed with PETA that “some people” might feel that “Golden Gophers” was in reference to burned or abused rodents.

So, after much deliberation the new nickname for the University of Minnesota will be:
“The Tasty Hamsters”

GEORGIA: It seems there is a disturbance in Dawg Country…
Why is there a discussion about moving the World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party?
It belongs in Jacksonville..Period
I have at least one loyal reader that will weigh in on the subject later..

FLORIDA STATE: The NCAA will soon issue their ruling if Coach Bobby and the Seminoles can keep their “12″ wins after some of the players committed academic shenanigans.

Really?

Yet we are still waiting on the “Big Investigation” on Reggie Bush and the University of Southern California?

I wonder what the idiots from the NCAA…
Would do “IF”…
The Seminoles told them to go pound sand…..
And just for the record, I would support that decision…

NCAA: I have an Idea…
Why not put Coach Tom Osborne in charge of the NCAA?

EDITORS NOTE: NCAA; If you’re scared say you’re scared…

OREGON: What’s his name who played quarterback for the Ducks last year in some bowl game that nobody cares about has decided to leave Oregon since he will not be the starter at the beginning of the 2009 season.

EDITORS NOTE: Who says I can’t report anything  about PAC 10 Football?

MICHIGAN: Coach Rod says he will name the Wolverine starting quarterback for the 2009 season in the next couple of months.

Just as soon as he remembers his name…

OLE MISS: Rebel football player Jerrell Powe made the statement to police after they were called concerning a noise complaint against him that, “he couldn’t read”…

Coach Houston Nutt had this to say concerning his statement;
“Of course he can read how do you think he’s getting through college?”
“Now he just needs to learn how to keep his mouth shut…”

EDITORS NOTE: This is like shooting fish in a barrel…
So, I will refrain from commenting..
For now…

EVERGREEN STATE: The Geoducks mascot “Speedy” still looks like a foam rubber turd with legs..

Or Worse…
See for yourself….

http://www.evergreen.edu/athletics/geoduck.htm

MIAMI: Another snot nose pampered athlete that didn’t feel he was getting enough playing time left the Hurricanes this week for Purdue…

What ever happened to getting a college education?
Good riddance…Cry Baby

ARIZONA STATE: Here we go again…
John Elway’s little boy isn’t getting enough playing time for the Sun Devils..
So he is leaving the team in search of someone that will kiss his pampered behind..
Don’t let the door hit you on the way out…

TENNESSEE: Once again Lane Kiffin has demonstrated that he has a place in the circus as a contortionist after his coaching career ends, which may be sooner than later..

By contunually placing his foot in his mouth while putting his head up his posterior.
In no particualr order:
1. Accusing the Defending National Champion Gator’s Coach Urban Myer of violating NCAA recruiting rules..
2. Called a potential recruits family “a bunch of losers” because their son honored his commitment to another university..
3. Stated on a website that the above recruit “would end up pumping gas for a living….”
4. Stated on a university website that the people in one Florida town were backward and ignorant and couldn’t understand how to work a fax machine..
5. Stated on a university website that the high school where the prospective  recruit attended in the above Florida town, “was full of obnoxious Gator fans that are stupid and ignorant…”
6. Committed a number of secondary recruiting violations…
7. Most recently Lane stated that “he had respect for coaches in the SEC….
After all, three of them have won National Championships…”
EDITORS NOTE: That must be “Math for Vols”…
 Because Last time I checked it was FOUR..
Saban – Myer – Miles – Spurrier
8. But the very Best Coach Lane comment…
Can be found at this very moment….
On the wall of the Mighty Gator locker room…

EDITORS NOTE: Let me know how that works out for you dumbass…

SOUTH CAROLINA: At the recent Southeastern Conference Coaches Conference in Destin Florida..
Coach Steve Spurrier once again demonstrated that he is the master of physiological warfare..
By making Tennessee’s Lane Kiffin’s head pop off in the lobby of the hotel..
Read all about it here….
http://blog.al.com/solomon/2009/05/spurrier_confronts_kiffin.html

EDITORS NOTE: Let’s be real clear here…
Coach Steve forgot more about football than Lane Kiffin will ever know…

SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA: Seriously, shouldn’t you all be on probation by now?

NCAA Part II: Next Week…
As Promised…
The “Seven Questions” segment returns..
With none other..
Than the “not so” benevolent Dictator of the NCAA..
Miles Brand…

EMAIL QUESTIONS & ANSWERS

Q: Aight. I’ve got the solution to your problem. The UGA-UF game should be moved to Fitzgerald.
Geographically, it’s roughly halfway between Athens & Gainsville.
It’s got a good sized high school field. If golf is what you like then there’s a nice municipal course.
If you want some high falutin’ eateries then take a short drive over to Tifton.
They’ve even got the Fire Engine Museum for entertainment.
Weather? Well, it’ll still be warmer for the Dogs, but the fine folks down there…
Have volunteered to put air conditioners on the Georgia sideline.

Maybe the Georgia backers who want the game moved are Democrats..
Change is in the air after all..right?
Or maybe Flarda’s just in their heads.
What do you think about it?
Hank – Perry County, Georgia

A: You expect us to take this seriously?
When….
You never even said how many people the stadium seated?
Or…
How much they charge to play golf at the city course…
Come on Hank!

Q: Dear Mister College Football man -
I am madder’n a hornet right now.
I just read your article ’bout the Southern California Trojans..
And I wanna go out there an whomp somebody in the head with a co-cola bottle!
You know, I don’t always like what you say about my beloved Bulldawgs and such..
But we’s family cause we all play in the SEC..
But, when them smart-alecky writers from New York City and Los Angeles..
Start talkin ’bout SEC football all negative like..
Then it’s time to go to fist city.
Do you think you could put together a bus trip to go up there
and see them boys and maybe we can knock some sense into ‘em?
Let me know and I’ll be in the front seat!
Lemuel – Ludowici, Georgia

A: I like where your head is at on this one Lemuel..

Q: Mike how many NCAA “secondary infractions” is Lane Kiffin going to get before he is punished?
How many infractions do you have to get before it means something?
Stephanie – Gainsville, Florida

A: Good question Stephanie..
As I understand the NCAA Rule on Secondary Infractions..
It goes something like this..
If a coach or university accumulates “10″ secondary infractions…
They will receive an “Official Warning”
After you get “5″ “Official Warnings”…
The coach or university will receive an “Official Admonishment”..
Once the coach or university has accumulated “3″ “Official Admonishments”..
Then it gets serious…
You will receive an “Official Shunning”…
“5″ of these bad boys and you get…
A stern look from NCAA President Miles Brand…

Q: What’s the deal with the NCAA Investigation into Reggie Bu$h and $outhern California?
Give it to us straight!
Gary- New Iberia, Louisiana

A: It’s just this simple Gary…
The Reggie Bush case, which began “officially” nearly four years ago….
Is fast becoming the NCAA equivalent of O.J. Simpson’s search for the “real” killers..

Enough said…

Q: Mike will Coach Charlie turn Notre Dame around this year?
Thanks!
Sean – Gary, Indiana

A: Are you kidding me?
He couldn’t turn his self around in a forty acre field.

Q: Mike it is almost that time of the year again!
So I have to ask…
Will the Scarlett Knights of Rutgers return to rule the Big East this year?
Skip – Piscataway, New Jersey

A: Doesn’t really matter, because nobody cares…

Q: We enjoyed your last post on Martel Van Zant of Oklahoma State.
Where is he now?
Thanks!
Pete – Tulsa, Oklahoma

A: Thank you Pete..
After completing his degree….
Martel is giving Arena Football a try..
He is currently playing for the Manchester Wolves..
You can drop him a line here…
http://www.manchesterwolves.com/

Q: Dude why always banging on California?
What you got against us anyway?
Toby – Los Angeles, California

A: My Favorite Reason?
You all enjoy making fun of the way we talk in the South..
Yet..
Your Governor can’t speak english..
Priceless…

Q: What makes you think everything is “better” in the south?
Chip – Cambridge, Massachusetts

A: There simply isn’t enough room here Chip..
To list all the reasons that are abundantly obvious to everyone…
So I will say this…
There isn’t a single soul in Dallas….
Or Huntsville…
Or Pensacola….
That will be celebrating tonight because…
They got a job in Detroit…
Enough said…

Q: Are you NUTS?
There is no such thing as “President of Texas”!
You are crazy as hell!
James – Indianapolis, Indiana

A: If you have a problem with my being President of Texas…
You can take it up with my Vice President..
Chuck Norris..

Q: Mike is Tennessee Coach Lane Kiffin just immature, stupid or is he just a complete dumbass?
Drew – Columbia, South Carolina

A: Yes…

Q: Sir, There is currently a rumor running rampant on the sports pages…
That one of my distinguished colleagues, Urban Myer, may be leaving the University of Florida..
To possibly take the head coaching job at Notre Dame.
It would be a shame that a fine man of his caliber would leave a fine institution like…
The University of Florida…
But…
He has noted that Notre Dame is his dream job…
Could you confirm as to whether there is any truth to this rumor?

Sincerely -
Mark Richt
Head Coach
University of Georgia

A: I smell a Georgia Tech fan behind this letter…

Enjoy your week…

RTR
MEB