CFB Wizard » miami hurricane football

College Football Picks Week 2

MEB — Thu, 09 Sep 2010 12:41:15 +0000

Ladies and Gentlemen –

Everyone take your seats….
Class is in session

Just relax….
Now is no time to panic…..
It’s only the first week…

Time for a quick review before we move on to this week’s college football picks

The Ohio State Buckeyes are even better than advertised

The Kansas Jayhawks are considering a sponsorship from Hoover Vacuum Cleaner Company, thus allowing Hoover to use the motto:
“Our vacuums suck almost as much as the Kansas Football Team”

The North Carolina Tar Heels don’t have any quit in them…

Jacksonville State Gamecocks (See Above and Congratulations)

Phil Fulmer can still consume an entire 1977 Buick if it’s covered in butter and lard.

The Gator Fans wish Tim had at least another year of eligibility

Since the national pollsters were forced to “break-up” with the Southern California Trojans…..
They have found a “new love” in the Boise State Broncos.

Pam Wards voice made ear’s bleed across the state of Illinois last Saturday

The Ole Miss Rebels are currently searching EBay for a “used or previously owned” time machine.

The once proud Southern California Trojans defense; isn’t.

I still love Stevie Nicks

Lou Holtz can’t pronounce “suffering succotash”….
Without splattering the studio cameras and Mark May with spit.

Kenny Chesney is still the Elton John of country music.

And Lastly Class…..
Saturday’s College Football Games will be played on September 11th….
So let me say this in my deep Southern drawl so you get the message loud and clear.
“Hell No, I won’t ever forget and neither should any of you”

Enjoy your picks…

PRE GAME WARM-UP

Before we move to this week’s games….
I should note your favorite college football prognosticator was 72 and 10 or a substandard 88% for the first week of the season.

Like I said…
This is no time to panic; there is a lot of football to be played, so let’s get to the picks

THE PICKS

Thursday September 9th

Central Michigan at Temple
I wonder if “Chippewa’s” in the Native American language means…
“Two Utes”?
I know, sometimes I think too much…
TWO UTES from Michigan 34-28

Auburn at Mississippi State
No Upset Special here
Bulldog Jim, this one is for you….
DAN’S DAWGS 31-28

Friday September 10th

West Virginia at Marshall
This game is known as…
“The Friends of Coal Bowl” and it is played for the Governors Cup
What this game actually is…..
Is a good fashioned fist fight for instate bragging rights…
And that my friends is more important than anything.
MOUNTAINEERS 31-24

UTEP at Houston
I know El Paso doesn’t have anything to do with what I am about to say…
But is it just me, or if you stare at “UTEP” on the screen…
Does it not start looking like “TWO UTES” after about five minutes?
It’s just me? Ok, then never mind…
COUGARS 43-24

Saturday September 11th

Hawaii at Army
It’s September the 11th and Army will be spoiling for a fight…
Believe it…
BLACK KNIGHTS OF THE HUDSON 33-31

EDITORS NOTE: If the West Point Football Coaching staff can’t motivate the Black Knights to win this game on September 11th, they should all be fired on the spot down to the damn equipment manager.

Garner Webb at Akron
I am still confused as to why Akron has a Kangaroo for a mascot named “Zippy”
It just goes to show you that I have been right all along….
Living in such close proximity to the Arctic Circle causes brain damage.
ZIPPERS 24-17

Juniata at Susquehanna
One of my favorite games of the year….
The two toughest girls from the trailer park square off for bragging rights…
Juniata although well over 300 pounds looks quick as a cat in her pink “Baby Girl” sweat pants, but it does look like she has about fifteen hundred dollars worth of hail damage when seen from the rear.
Then there is Susquehanna…
She is rumored to carry a variety of weaponry in her “over the top” beehive hairdo, to include a sharpened nail file, along with an engine block from a 1967 Oldsmobile and a claw hammer.
This should be a tussle for the ages….
I am going with….
SUSQUEHANNA 2 out of 3 Falls

San Jose State at Wisconsin
Behold the Power of Cheese Whiz
BADGERS 38-10

Illinois State at Northwestern
I am not convinced the Wildcats are for real, but I am sure the Redbirds aren’t
CATS 34-10

Western Illinois at Purdue
“Leather Necks and Boilermakers”….
Sounds like a Saturday night at the Club in Camp Lejeune……
BOILERMAKERS 33-10

Georgia at South Carolina
This game will come down to who has the ball last….
Don’t leave your seats…
GAMECOCKS 24-23

South Dakota at Minnesota
Coyotes and Gophers….
This game sounds like a Loony Tune Cartoon…
O’ so very GOLDEN GOPHERS 24-17

Duke at Wake Forest
“Blue Devils and Demon Deacons”
That sounds like a game of naked Twister at Jimmy Swaggart’s house
DEMON DEACONS 28-17

Georgia Tech at Kansas
It is my understanding, in an effort to “revitalize” the Jay Hawk offense…
They have renamed the starting Kansas backfield “Dorothy and Toto”
Not that it will help in this game…
YELLOW JACKETS 38-10

Texas Southern at Connecticut
The Tigers won’t win this game…
But they do have “The Ocean of Soul Marching Band”
Which doesn’t equate to points, but they are really cool.
HUSKIES 34-10

Florida Atlantic at Michigan State
The Atlantic Owls would play better in this game if they were closer to the ocean..
But unfortunately they are near the Great Lakes, sorry.
SPARTANS 33-13

Indiana State at Cincinnati
I just have to ask…..
What is supposed to be so scary about a bunch of “Sycamores”?
Why not just call them the “Itchy Ivy” or “Poison Sumac”
That would at least frightened some people…
BEARKATS 34-10

Memphis at East Carolina
The Elvis Tigers are playing more like “Velvet Elvis’s” than Tigers
PIRATES 31-17

South Florida at Florida
The Mighty Gators better be ready this Saturday
Coach Holtz and the Boys from Tampa are motivated, and that’s no Bull.
MIGHTY GATORS 31-17

Idaho at Nebraska
You say; “Ida Ho”, I say “Ho Down”…..
CHILDERN OF THE CORN 44-10

South Dakota State at Delaware
I don’t know if a Jackrabbit can beat a Blue Hen…
But we are about to find out…
BLUE HENS 31-27

New Hampshire at Pittsburgh
I didn’t even know the folks in Hampshire played football…
I thought they were more into clubbing baby seals…
Who knew?
PANTHERS 41-10

Old Dominion at Campbell
This game will have for your viewing pleasure….
“Monarchs’ and Fighting Camels”
And the “mascot” for the Fighting Camels is called “Gaylord”
I’m serious….Gaylord the Fighting Camel
Who thinks this crap up?
MONARCHS’ 23-21

James Madison at Virginia Tech
I don’t about Jimmy, but his wife Dolly sure does make some tasty donuts.
HOKIES 43-10

Georgia Southern at Navy
The Eagles of Southern will have the Statesboro Blues by the time this one is over
MIDSHIPMEN 31-21

Eastern Kentucky at Louisville
Charlie’s Cardinal’s will have the Colonels reduced to Lance Corporals by halftime
Believe it….
CARDINALS 38-10

Florida State at Oklahoma
This is going to be a slugfest from start to finish…
Both teams are going to find out what they are made of here.
BOOMER SOONERS 28-24

Michigan at Notre Dame
This game leads me to an age old philosophical question….
Can’t they both lose?
FIGHTING IRISH 33-31

Colorado at California
I wonder if the California Bear mascot is named “Gaylord”
That would be appropriate…
GAYLORDS 3-2

Iowa State at Iowa
This instate rivalry is played each year of the coveted Cy-Hawk Trophy
Which, to the best of my knowledge…..
Will remain at the University of Iowa until Hell freezes over.
HAWKS EYES 33-14

Valdosta State at Newberry
They used to be the “Newberry Indians” but that was demeaned racist by the Nazis at the NCAA..
So now the are the Wolves or something. It’s sad really…
BLAZERS 33-17

Presbyterian at Clemson
I am convinced through my exhaustive research…
That the term “Blue Ho’s” refers to a group of female Smurfs…
Who have fallen on hard times and or who have a drug habit, which is just tragic.
DABO’S TIGERS 38-10

Kent State at Boston College
Every time I hear “Golden Flashes” I think Grandpa escaped from the home and got naked in Wal-Mart (again)
GOLDEN EAGLES 38-10

Miami at Ohio State
The Buckeye defense will smother the Hurricanes
Believe it….
BUCKEYES 34-17

Brigham Young at Air Force
I don’t want to think about the Falcons losing to the folks from Donny and Marie Land.
So I won’t
COUGARS 33-17

UNLV at Utah
Little known fact….
“UNLV” in Latin means…” Duo Adulescens”
Which as we all know means….
TWO UTES 38-10

Morgan State at Maryland
First things first…
Congratulations to the Ninja Turtles for getting the crabs from Navy last week
I only hope you got the proper ointment for them before this week’s game.
NINJA TURTLES 34-13

Ursinus at Franklin Marshall
I wonder if Franklin Marshall ever had a Ursinus infection?
I know I couldn’t help myself…

McNeese State at Missouri
Mo knows how to kick a cowboys butt….
If he doesn’t Curley certainly does…
MO’S TIGERS 34-10

Wyoming at Texas
These Cowboys get stampeded by the runaway Longhorns…
MIGHTY LONGHORNS 34-13

Chattanooga at Jacksonville State
After last Saturday…..
I wouldn’t pick against the Gamecocks if there were playing the New England Patriots
GAMECOCKS 33-28

Montana State at Washington State
I wish I could generate some interest in this game….
But I can’t…
I DON’T CARE AND NEITHER SHOULD YOU 3-2

Toledo at Ohio
The Rockets of Toledo remind me of a pack of wet firecrackers….
FRANK’S BOBCATS 31-10

Louisiana Tech at Texas A&M
These dogs haven’t seen anything like “Reveille” at Kyle Field…
Play the “Aggie War Hymn” all night long….
GIG EM AGGIES 44-17

Louisiana Monroe at Arkansas
Poor ole Monroe, he is getting ready to be introduced too…
An Arkansas Ass Whipping…
RAZORBACKS 43-10

LSU at Vanderbilt
The Music City Commodores will keep this one closer than you might think
HEY FIGHTN’ TIGERS 31-23

Penn State at Alabama
A Classic Rivalry between two historical programs
The memories of these clashes are never far from my mind…
This one will be no different…
CRIMSON TIDE 31-17

Oregon at Tennessee
This game is like trying to pick a winner in a war between Iran and Syria
VOWELS 24-23

Syracuse at Washington
One question: If Otto the Orange drinks orange juice does that make him a cannibal?
Just wondering…
HUSKIES 31-10

Jackson State at Tennessee State
This game has produced some of the greatest legends of the game….
Walter Payton, Coach “Big John” Merritt, Jefferson Street Joe Gilliam and too many others to mention here and I miss them all.
And just for the record….
The Sonic Boom of the South Marching Band isn’t too bad either…
TIGERS 28-24

Troy at Oklahoma State
I believe the Prairie Wind is getting ready to touch Troy in the naughty place.
COWBOY UP! 38-17

North Alabama at Glenville State
The Lions of Florence are the real deal..
Believe it…
MIGHTY LIONS 33-28

Tennessee Tech at Texas Christian
This game is going to be uglier than Rita Rodriguez in a bikini…
HORNED FROGS 44-0

Bowling Green at Tulsa
I still think “Golden Hurricanes” sounds dirty…
HURRICANES OF GOLD 31-24

Puget Sound at Occidental
This is dumb…
Who ever heard of being “Occidental Prone”
If your going to name your school, then at least get it right…
OXYMORONS 17-10

Rice at North Texas
I believe in the power of my favorite pudding…
Sometimes….
RICE PUDDING 27-23

Missouri State at Kansas State
The Missouri bears should have gone into hibernation sooner…
WILDCATS 34-10

Western Kentucky at Kentucky
Another instate battle for supremacy in the Blue Grass…
Not really, I was just trying to hype the game…
JOKER’S CATS 44-10

Southern Illinois at Illinois
This game features two mascots that are hard to pronounce and don’t make any sense…
“Salukis and Fighting Illini”
Which when said together quickly sounds like a fungus…
FIGHTNING PUMPKINS 28-14

Millsaps at LaGrange College
Ronnie Millsaps is playing ZZ Top?
He is blind as a bat…..
I hope he doesn’t get himself killed…
But just writing LaGrange, I can hear Billy Gibbons now…..
HAW HAW HAW 33-10

North Carolina State at Central Florida
This one is a Toss up for me….
But I like the boys from Disney World…
GOLDEN KNIGHTS 28-24

Rutgers at Florida International
Note to the folks at Florida “International”
Just because you have an airport close to your college doesn’t make you “International”
SCARLET KNIGHTS 33-17

UAB at Southern Methodist
The Blazers will be set on fire by the Mighty Mustangs of SMU…
(Thought that one up in a moment of brilliance)
MIGHTY MUSTANGS 34-24

San Diego State at New Mexico State
The Aggies were forced to give up their mascot “Pistol Pete” because he had a foam rubber gun and now they have the ridiculous “Lasso Larry” or some such thing…
The weirdo’s from the left coast thought that the “Aztec” mascot was somehow degrading to a culture that doesn’t exist and that believed in ritual human sacrifice.
At least the alumni at New Mexico State complained….
PISTOL PETE 33-28

Texas Tech at New Mexico
The Lobos take a Low Blow like a Hobo in this Big Show
(I came up with that one all by myself)
GET THOSE GUNS UP! RED RAIDERS! 34-10

Ole Miss at Tulane
Look on the bright side Green Wave fans…
No matter what happens this Saturday
You didn’t lose to Jacksonville State…
REBELS 31-17

Montana at Cal Poly
The Mighty Grizzlies of Montana are for real….
And the folks from Polly…….
Well, they are from California.
GRIZZ 38-10

Northern Arizona at Arizona State
This instate tussle is played for the “Cactus A’ Plenty” Trophy…
Not really, I just made that up…
DEVILS OF THE SUN 38-13

Citadel at Arizona
The Boys from the Military College of South Carolina won’t enjoy their trip out west.
WILDCATS 38-10

Colorado State at Nevada
The Rams let me down last week….
They won’t this week….
WOLFPACK 33-10

Virginia at Southern California
I would rather stare at an Ant Farm for three hours than watch this game…
LAME CHEATERS 7-3

Stanford at UCLA
The History of Hand Puppets is on the Public Access Channel…
Or I would make a real effort to catch this game.
CARDINAL 24-20

Enjoy Your Games….

RTR

THE CFB WIZARD

College Football Bowling Season Week 2

MEB — Sat, 26 Dec 2009 16:29:39 +0000

Ladies and Gentlemen –

It’s the day after Christmas and all through the house……
Hardly a creature is stirring
Not even Aunt Edna and her irritable bowel syndrome

But that doesn’t matter and you really shouldn’t care

Because Uncle Todd is sleeping off his Christmas bender with sweet potato casserole
Still stuck in his hair.

Have no doubt and have no fear…..

For your reading pleasure the second installment of the Bowl games
To include the game in Atlanta with the Volunteers

I hope you all had a very Merry Christmas

Enjoy!

THE BOWL GAMES PART II

Saturday December 26th

THE EMERALD NUT BOWL
San Francisco California
Boston College and Southern California
Since this game is in San Francisco…..
Wouldn’t be more appropriate to call it….
The “If you drop your wallet you better kick it to Sacramento before you pick it up Bowl”?
Just wondering….
CHESTNUT HILL EAGLES 33-31

MEINEKE CAR CARE BOWL
Charlotte North Carolina
North Carolina and Pittsburg
The winner of this game gets a trophy that looks eerily similar to a car muffler.
Coincidence? I think not…..
TAR HEELS 24-21

LITTLE CAESARS BOWL
Detroit Michigan
Ohio and Marshall
I appreciate the fine folks from Caesars Pizza sponsoring this Bowl game…
But this game is in Detroit…
So shouldn’t this game be sponsored by..
A Bullet Proof Vest Company and a Bail Bonds Association?
I’m just saying….
COACH FRANK’S CATS 34-24

Sunday December 27th

GAYLORD HOTELS MUSIC CITY BOWL
Nashville Tennessee
Kentucky and Clemson
Anybody with the name “Gaylord” didn’t go to public school
You can count on that….
DABO’S TIGERS 34-28

Monday December 28th

INDEPENDENCE BOWL
Shreveport Louisiana
Texas A&M and Georgia
I liked this Bowl game a lot better……
When it was called the Weed Eater Independence Bowl
But that’s just me…
I’m Old Fashioned
HOW BOUT THEM DAWGS 31-17

Tuesday December 29th

EAGLE BANK BOWL
Washington D.C.
UCLA and Temple
Ah the “Nations Capitol”….
I would feel more comfortable with this game, considering the location…
If it was called the “Marion Berry Crack Pipe Bowl”
My second choice for the name of the Bowl game would be…
“Taxing the Working Class like it’s Cool Bowl”
You get the idea…
BRUINS 28-24

CHAMPS SPORTS BOWL
Orlando Florida
Miami (FL) and Wisconsin
Have you ever seen cheese that’s been left out in the Florida sun?
I am not talking about how it smells here people…
I know your Uncle Todd has been at your house for over a week and my description above is EXACTLY the aroma (if you want to call it that)
Which is currently drifting out of your front closet due to his “favorite shoes”
I am talking about cheese melting….
The Wisconsin Cheese Heads will melt in Orlando……
Believe it…
HURRICANES 38-17

Wednesday December 30th

PACIFIC LIFE HOLIDAY BOWL
San Diego Florida
Nebraska and Arizona
“Pacific Life?”
Don’t they mean…..
“The Media Whores Bowl”
I’m just asking….
CHILDREN OF THE CORN HUSKERS 31-17

ROADY’S HUMANITARIAN BOWL
Boise Idaho
Idaho and Bowling Green
I never knew “Roady” was a Humanitarian?
All these years I thought he just placed speakers and microphones for Lynyrd Skynyrd
Who Knew?
VANDALS 24-17

Thursday December 31st

TEXAS BOWL
Houston Texas
Missouri and Navy
Honestly….
You had me at “Texas”
What I wouldn’t give to be in Houston town on New Years Eve…
MO’S TIGERS 38-21

BELL HELICOPTER ARMED FORCES BOWL
Fort Worth Texas
Air Force and Houston
Ah Fort Worth…..Now that is a fine town.
But……
The mighty Falcons have a problem….
They are playing the Cougars…
Yes, it’s just that simple.
COUGARS 38-21

BRUT SUN BOWL
El Paso Texas
Stanford and Oklahoma
I wish this game was still called “The Sun Bowl”
But I don’t have a problem with calling it the “Brut Sun Bowl”
Lee Marvin and Steve McQueen used Brut….
That’s good enough for me…
CARDINAL 31-28

INSIGHT BOWL
Tempe Arizona
Minnesota and Iowa State
The “Insight” Bowl?
I have some “insight” for you….
Neither one of these teams could beat Hover High School in Alabama
CYCLONES 17-10

CHICK-FIL-A BOWL
Atlanta Georgia
Virginia Tech and Tennessee
As far as I am concerned this is still the Peach Bowl….
But that aside
The Big Chicken Sandwich goes to……
VOWELS 31-24

You will have “another” Bowl Edition out Sunday evening….
It will “Highlight” the Lesser Bowl games of the week….

And the remainder of your Big College Bowl games will be out later in the week….

Before I leave you today…..

How about those Mighty SMU Mustangs!

RTR
MEB

Thanksgiving Picks

MEB — Thu, 26 Nov 2009 10:55:57 +0000

Ladies and Gentlemen –

Today is Thanksgiving….
To most people that means three things….
Family, food and football….
And not necessarily in that order…

We have a cornucopia of rivalries this weekend……
Overflowing with hate and discontent…..
Ah, Good Times…

I can hardly wait to dig in, but before we do
Let’s be thankful for what we have and not grumble about what we don’t have….

For example, I am thankful last week Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator…..
was a rather “average” 41 and 11 or 79%, leaving me at 533 and 147 or 78% for the season.
(Noticed how I weaved the weekly statistics in so inconspicuously…..)

All things considered, we all have it pretty damn good

Happy Thanksgiving to you all

Enjoy your games!

Thursday November 26th

Texas at Texas A&M
The Lone Star Showdown
I remember the cheap shots on Colt McCoy…….
and the “down horns” signs by the Aggie players a couple of years ago…..
the bad news…..
The Longhorns remember it too….
MIGHTY LONGHORNS 43-17

Tuskegee at Alabama State
The “Turkey Day Classic” as it is known, has been played since 1901.
Which coincidently is the same year Coach Bobby was born….
GOLDEN TIGERS 24-21

Friday November 27th

Nevada at Boise State
This isn’t a rivalry game…..
It’s just and Old Fashioned Boise State ass whipping
BRONCOS 38-23

Illinois at Cincinnati
Some people are calling for a Fighting Pumpkin “Upset”
I don’t happen to be one of “those” people
BEARKATS 33-17

Rutgers at Louisville
After the Scarlet Knights lost last week to (of all teams…)
Syracuse…
The Jersey Campus was reported to have smelled like old pancakes and shame…
But then they realized they lived in New Jersey, which explained the smell.
SCARLET KNIGHTS 24-17

Toledo at Bowling Green
This is the Battle of I-75 for the coveted “Peace Pipe”
The trophy alone tells you this isn’t a fierce rivalry.
If it was a serious rivalry, the word “peace” wouldn’t be in the equation.
FALCONS 24-20

Pittsburg at West Virginia
The Backyard Brawl
The name says it all…..
Two neighbors battle it out on a chilly night in Morgantown
Light those couches…
MOUNTAINEERS 24-21

Northern Illinois at Central Michigan
This game isn’t a rivalry and it isn’t a backyard brawl…
It’s about Chippewa’s riding the Huskies like midgets in a rodeo
Sorry for the visual….
That disturbed me a little bit too..
CHIPPEWA’S 34-13

Wyoming at Colorado State
This rivalry is known as “The Border War” and it is played each year for
“The Bronze Boot”….
The rams get the boot this year, but not where they thought they were going to get it..
COWBOY UP! 28-17

Temple at Ohio
The Bobcats are playing well, but the Owls are inspired…
HOOT OWLS 33-21

Buffalo at Kent State
It’s Thanksgiving for Goodness sake….
Who wants to think about the “Golden Flashes” this time of the year?
Makes you think about Grandma getting in the dinner wine and flashing the guests
NO BULL 38-10

Nebraska at Colorado
The Children of the Corn haven’t forgotten……..
About the pasting the Buffalos gave them a few years ago…..
in fact they are still down right sore about it.
That isn’t good news for Ralphie
CORNHUSKERS 31-17

Memphis at Tulsa
I would care about this game…..
But the Iron Bowl is getting ready to come on.
Sorry…
HURRICANES OF GOLDEN 24-20

Alabama at Auburn
The Iron Bowl
The name says it all….
CRIMSON TIDE 24-14

Saturday November 20th

Florida State at Florida
This is the Sunshine State Showdown
It is played for the Governors Cup
The Tallahassee paper has reported this week…
Coach Bobby is “ready” for the game….
What they “meant” to say was ….
Coach Bobby is “ready” to go to the bathroom without assistance…
Not that this story has anything to do with Thanksgiving…
But it is the season of “sharing”, so I felt obligated to share.
MIGHTY GATORS 34-17

Virginia Tech at Virginia
In Virginia nothing is as important as the “Commonwealth Cup”
Which by my estimation……
Will stay in Blacksburg until Hell freezes over.
MIGHTY HOKIES 33-17

Miami (FL) at South Florida
Unless you have seen an actual Hurricane….
Loose in your house you cannot discount their power or destruction.
In case you were wondering, “yes”…..
I am referring to the Thanksgiving when my sister-in-law visited two years ago.
The Damage is as yet to be fully assessed.
HURRICANES 33-14

Oklahoma State at Oklahoma
The Bedlam Game for the Bedlam Bell
There is nothing more important today in the Great State of Oklahoma…
Not Births, not deaths, not bar mitzvahs, not anything.
This is it….
COWBOY UP! 31-17

Carson Newman at North Alabama
The quarter finals of the Division II College Football Playoffs
These teams played each other earlier in the season, with the Lions winning.
Different day, same result….
MIGHTY LIONS ROAR 34-31

Missouri at Kansas
This game is called the Border War….
It’s played for the “Indian War Drum” and the Lamar Hunt Trophy
Some still call this a “Civil War”, but make no mistake…
There is nothing “Civil” about this rivalry
MO’S TIGERS 38-14

Georgia at Georgia Tech
Sure, this game is for the “Governors Cup”
But this rivalry is known as “Clean Old Fashioned Hated”
That my friends, sums it up nicely….
YELLOW JACKETS 31-28

Clemson at South Carolina
The game is called the “Battle of the Palmetto State”
Coach Sweeny is an Alabama man….
And that’s good enough for me…
DABO’S TIGER 33-17

Grambling State at Southern University
The Bayou Classic
Have I mentioned lately that I’m a Coach Rob guy?
I have?
Good, I just wanted to make sure we were on the same page
ROB’S TIGERS 38-17

Rice at Houston
The Battle for the Bayou Bucket
My favorite pudding gets whipped in H-Town…
Believe it…
COUGARS 43-14

Arizona at Arizona State
This instate rivalry is affectionately known as the “Duel in the Desert”
And it’s played for the “Territorial Cup”
Which I think resembles a bucket of sand….
WILDCATS 24-21

Tennessee at Kentucky
This game has always been known as “The Battle for the Beer Barrel”
And the keg goes to…..
WILDCAT BLUE 33-24

Boston College at Maryland
This game promises chills and thrills…
Who am I kidding nobody is going to watch this damn game…
CHESTNUT HILL EAGLES 24-17

Wake Forest at Duke
Demon Deacons and Blue Devils….
Kind of sounds like Jimmy Swaggart holding his breath…..
DEMON DEACONS 28-24

North Carolina at North Carolina State
The Battle for Tobacco Road…..
The Heels have a tough defense and State has an amazing engineering department
Yeah, this one shouldn’t be too tough….
TAR OF HEELS 33-13

Texas Tech at Baylor
I doubted the power of the Red Raider’s last week…
I thank everyone in the Red Raider nation for pointing my error out….
I should have known better…
Lubbock is the Home of Buddy Holley…
Enough said, Peggy Sue
GET THOSE GUNS UP!
RED RAIDERS 43-21

Washington State at Washington
This instate rivalry game is played for the “Apple Cup”
Please note…..
If your “rivalry” game has a flower, a fruit or any members of the “Village People”
In the name, then it doesn’t count as a “real” rivalry, sorry.
I don’t make the rules, I just enforce them.
HUSKIES 17-10

Ole Miss at Mississippi State
The Egg Bowl….
Few rivalries outside the Iron Bowl are bitterer than this contest….
I can feel the heads of Mississippians nodding everywhere….
I wish I had better news Bulldog Jim….
REBELS 33-17

Syracuse at Connecticut
Not that I care because I don’t…….
But I have obligations too….
HUSKIES 24-21

New Mexico at Texas Christian
I can’t say that I have actually seen a horned amphibian ride a Lobo…
Not even on the Animal Planet….
But rules like records are meant to be broken…
(My personal motto….)
HORNED FROGS 43-10

Southern Miss at East Carolina
I have gotten back in good graces with my Hattiesburg faithful…
So I don’t intend on taking a step backwards at this point….
Let’s face it….
Few things in life are as good as Mississippi BBQ….
A man has to have his priorities….
GOLDEN EAGLES 31-17

Central Florida at UAB
What the hell is a “Blazer” anyway?
Something on sale from the Men’s Warehouse?
That’s a stupid mascot….
Everybody Run! Here comes a Sport Coat!
I don’t get it…
GOLDEN KNIGHTS 38-17

Tulane at Southern Methodist
My Proud Ponies are a “win” a way from going to a Bowl game…
They won’t disappoint me….
MIGHTY MUSTANGS 34-23

Marshall at Texas El Paso
Three simple words here….
WE ARE MARSHALL 31-24

Utah at Brigham Young
This is the “Holy War” for the “Beehive Boot”
I can’t say I have ever put my foot in a boot full of bees….
But I saw this dumbass in Michigan once…
Never mind those people from Michigan have suffered enough…
TWO UTES 33-31

Utah State at Idaho
This game is being played at the home of the Vandals….
I respect people whose mascot looks like a foam rubber Genghis Khan…
THE MIGHTY KHANS 38-17

Arkansas at LSU
The Battle for the four foot tall “Golden Boot”
The past two years it has resided in Fayetteville….
There won’t be a change of address left at the Post Office this year….
RAZORBACKS 34-24

Notre Dame at Stanford
The winner of this game wins the “Legends Trophy”
I am assuming by the title it has Knute Rockne’s skull atop the trophy…
Which is creepy…
CARDINAL 34-31

New Mexico State at San Jose State
I would watch this game but the Animal Planet has a “Thanksgiving” Special
On the dental hygiene of the platypus
Don’t laugh….
It will be a hell of a lot more entertaining than this game…
JOSE CUERVO 34-10

UCLA at Southern California
The Battle in the City of Botox Angels for the “Victory Bell”
Gosh, I would care, but I have to do my laundry, sorry….
BRUINS 33-31

Navy at Hawaii
This game reminds me….
I want to wish a Happy Thanksgiving to “Dog the Bounty Hunter”
I love those guys…
MIDSHIPMEN 34-17

I hope you all have a Happy Thanksgiving….
And a great weekend of college football….

Stay tuned…
There is more to come..

RTR
MEB

Mid-Week Seminole Correction

MEB — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 14:46:27 +0000

Ladies and Gentlemen –

It appears from a number of emails I received that I have slighted the Mighty Florida State Seminoles by not covering their “epic” win over Brigham Young University in Monday’s weekend wrap-up.

That certainly wasn’t my intent, I assure you.

After all haven’t I been the lone voice in the wilderness…
Defending the Seminoles against the dictatorship of the NCAA?

Wasn’t I the only college sports writer that defended the institution of higher learning known as Florida State University when the NCAA mascot Nazis demanded the Seminoles change their mascot..
“to something less offensive”?

Have I not promoted Chief Osceola and Renegade as one of the greatest mascots in all of college football?

Did I not produce a “Special” week of College Football Picks “just” for Florida State fans a few years ago?

The recent criticisms of the Seminole faithful cut me deeply

And yet confuses me as well…

Frankly I wasn’t aware the Seminole faithful cared all that much…
At the risk of calling some fans “fair weather”
Let me explain…
Prior to the season and certainly after their first game of the season
The Seminoles had been unable to sell their allotment of tickets for home games.
Some blame the economy…
Others have blamed the recent NCAA witch hunt in Tallahassee
But the fact remains, when a Coach of Saint Bobby’s stature has to resort to begging the faithful to purchase tickets…
Well that just breaks my heart.

But enough about that…
I am here to right a perceived wrong…
So please accept my humble apology Seminole Faithful.
And let me say..
Congratulations!
You thrashed a team that has not been of any national importance since 1984.
Job well done!

Your College Football Picks will be out tomorrow morning
And Hootie Snitch will deliver his take on the Gator – Vol game for you on Friday

So Stay tuned

RTR
MEB

College Football News & Views

MEB — Thu, 28 May 2009 11:44:28 +0000

Ladies and Gentlemen-

Although we are in the period between spring football and the kickoff of our beloved 2009 college football season, there is still a lot to discuss.

But you wouldn’t know it by watching the major sports networks…
That’s why I am here…

There is No NBA here….
Where “one second” constitutes a minute…

EDITORS NOTE: I still believe…
If the folks that run the NBA would have been in charge of WW II..
We would still be fighting the Germans and the Japanese.

No references to Hockey in this column…

EDITORS NOTE: I recognize this is considered a “sport” in some parts of the country, however I am from South Alabama and we do not recognize any winter sports as legitimate “sports”.
I hope this clears up any misunderstanding.

No mention of Soccer….

EDITORS NOTE: Please no hate mail on this subject…
You know how I feel…
If “French-men” can play it…
Then it’s not a “real” sport…
Sorry…

Not the slightest reference to Billiards…

EDITORS NOTE: They call this a “sport”?
What’s next, a “Rock-Paper-Scissors” Tournament?

Classic Celebrity Poker…

EDITORS NOTE: Please see “Billiards” above

No my loyal readers..
Such things will not be discussed here…

Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator has all the news and your email questions and answers to keep you occupied and informed until the kickoff of the 2009 college football season.

Which in case you were wondering…
Is only 98 days away…

Enjoy your Update!

COLLEGE FOOTBALL NEWS

NEBRASKA: Cornhusker Athletic Director, former congressman, and Legendary Coach Tom Osborne recently proposed to resurrect a rule that was once a staple of the Big 8 and other major football conferences.

Holding college football referees accountable to a standard…
And punishing them for poor performance..
What a novel approach, wouldn’t you say?

EDITORS NOTE: GO Get Em TOM!

MINNESOTA: This season the University of Minnesota has decided to bend to the will of PETA.

The administration agreed with PETA that “some people” might feel that “Golden Gophers” was in reference to burned or abused rodents.

So, after much deliberation the new nickname for the University of Minnesota will be:
“The Tasty Hamsters”

GEORGIA: It seems there is a disturbance in Dawg Country…
Why is there a discussion about moving the World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party?
It belongs in Jacksonville..Period
I have at least one loyal reader that will weigh in on the subject later..

FLORIDA STATE: The NCAA will soon issue their ruling if Coach Bobby and the Seminoles can keep their “12″ wins after some of the players committed academic shenanigans.

Really?

Yet we are still waiting on the “Big Investigation” on Reggie Bush and the University of Southern California?

I wonder what the idiots from the NCAA…
Would do “IF”…
The Seminoles told them to go pound sand…..
And just for the record, I would support that decision…

NCAA: I have an Idea…
Why not put Coach Tom Osborne in charge of the NCAA?

EDITORS NOTE: NCAA; If you’re scared say you’re scared…

OREGON: What’s his name who played quarterback for the Ducks last year in some bowl game that nobody cares about has decided to leave Oregon since he will not be the starter at the beginning of the 2009 season.

EDITORS NOTE: Who says I can’t report anything about PAC 10 Football?

MICHIGAN: Coach Rod says he will name the Wolverine starting quarterback for the 2009 season in the next couple of months.

Just as soon as he remembers his name…

OLE MISS: Rebel football player Jerrell Powe made the statement to police after they were called concerning a noise complaint against him that, “he couldn’t read”…

Coach Houston Nutt had this to say concerning his statement;
“Of course he can read how do you think he’s getting through college?”
“Now he just needs to learn how to keep his mouth shut…”

EDITORS NOTE: This is like shooting fish in a barrel…
So, I will refrain from commenting..
For now…

EVERGREEN STATE: The Geoducks mascot “Speedy” still looks like a foam rubber turd with legs..

Or Worse…
See for yourself….

http://www.evergreen.edu/athletics/geoduck.htm

MIAMI: Another snot nose pampered athlete that didn’t feel he was getting enough playing time left the Hurricanes this week for Purdue…

What ever happened to getting a college education?
Good riddance…Cry Baby

ARIZONA STATE: Here we go again…
John Elway’s little boy isn’t getting enough playing time for the Sun Devils..
So he is leaving the team in search of someone that will kiss his pampered behind..
Don’t let the door hit you on the way out…

TENNESSEE: Once again Lane Kiffin has demonstrated that he has a place in the circus as a contortionist after his coaching career ends, which may be sooner than later..

By contunually placing his foot in his mouth while putting his head up his posterior.
In no particualr order:
1. Accusing the Defending National Champion Gator’s Coach Urban Myer of violating NCAA recruiting rules..
2. Called a potential recruits family “a bunch of losers” because their son honored his commitment to another university..
3. Stated on a website that the above recruit “would end up pumping gas for a living….”
4. Stated on a university website that the people in one Florida town were backward and ignorant and couldn’t understand how to work a fax machine..
5. Stated on a university website that the high school where the prospective recruit attended in the above Florida town, “was full of obnoxious Gator fans that are stupid and ignorant…”
6. Committed a number of secondary recruiting violations…
7. Most recently Lane stated that “he had respect for coaches in the SEC….
After all, three of them have won National Championships…”
EDITORS NOTE: That must be “Math for Vols”…
Because Last time I checked it was FOUR..
Saban – Myer – Miles – Spurrier
8. But the very Best Coach Lane comment…
Can be found at this very moment….
On the wall of the Mighty Gator locker room…

EDITORS NOTE: Let me know how that works out for you dumbass…

SOUTH CAROLINA: At the recent Southeastern Conference Coaches Conference in Destin Florida..
Coach Steve Spurrier once again demonstrated that he is the master of physiological warfare..
By making Tennessee’s Lane Kiffin’s head pop off in the lobby of the hotel..
Read all about it here….
http://blog.al.com/solomon/2009/05/spurrier_confronts_kiffin.html

EDITORS NOTE: Let’s be real clear here…
Coach Steve forgot more about football than Lane Kiffin will ever know…

SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA: Seriously, shouldn’t you all be on probation by now?

NCAA Part II: Next Week…
As Promised…
The “Seven Questions” segment returns..
With none other..
Than the “not so” benevolent Dictator of the NCAA..
Miles Brand…

EMAIL QUESTIONS & ANSWERS

Q: Aight. I’ve got the solution to your problem. The UGA-UF game should be moved to Fitzgerald.
Geographically, it’s roughly halfway between Athens & Gainsville.
It’s got a good sized high school field. If golf is what you like then there’s a nice municipal course.
If you want some high falutin’ eateries then take a short drive over to Tifton.
They’ve even got the Fire Engine Museum for entertainment.
Weather? Well, it’ll still be warmer for the Dogs, but the fine folks down there…
Have volunteered to put air conditioners on the Georgia sideline.

Maybe the Georgia backers who want the game moved are Democrats..
Change is in the air after all..right?
Or maybe Flarda’s just in their heads.
What do you think about it?
Hank – Perry County, Georgia

A: You expect us to take this seriously?
When….
You never even said how many people the stadium seated?
Or…
How much they charge to play golf at the city course…
Come on Hank!

Q: Dear Mister College Football man -
I am madder’n a hornet right now.
I just read your article ’bout the Southern California Trojans..
And I wanna go out there an whomp somebody in the head with a co-cola bottle!
You know, I don’t always like what you say about my beloved Bulldawgs and such..
But we’s family cause we all play in the SEC..
But, when them smart-alecky writers from New York City and Los Angeles..
Start talkin ’bout SEC football all negative like..
Then it’s time to go to fist city.
Do you think you could put together a bus trip to go up there
and see them boys and maybe we can knock some sense into ‘em?
Let me know and I’ll be in the front seat!
Lemuel – Ludowici, Georgia

A: I like where your head is at on this one Lemuel..

Q: Mike how many NCAA “secondary infractions” is Lane Kiffin going to get before he is punished?
How many infractions do you have to get before it means something?
Stephanie – Gainsville, Florida

A: Good question Stephanie..
As I understand the NCAA Rule on Secondary Infractions..
It goes something like this..
If a coach or university accumulates “10″ secondary infractions…
They will receive an “Official Warning”
After you get “5″ “Official Warnings”…
The coach or university will receive an “Official Admonishment”..
Once the coach or university has accumulated “3″ “Official Admonishments”..
Then it gets serious…
You will receive an “Official Shunning”…
“5″ of these bad boys and you get…
A stern look from NCAA President Miles Brand…

Q: What’s the deal with the NCAA Investigation into Reggie Bu$h and $outhern California?
Give it to us straight!
Gary- New Iberia, Louisiana

A: It’s just this simple Gary…
The Reggie Bush case, which began “officially” nearly four years ago….
Is fast becoming the NCAA equivalent of O.J. Simpson’s search for the “real” killers..

Enough said…

Q: Mike will Coach Charlie turn Notre Dame around this year?
Thanks!
Sean – Gary, Indiana

A: Are you kidding me?
He couldn’t turn his self around in a forty acre field.

Q: Mike it is almost that time of the year again!
So I have to ask…
Will the Scarlett Knights of Rutgers return to rule the Big East this year?
Skip – Piscataway, New Jersey

A: Doesn’t really matter, because nobody cares…

Q: We enjoyed your last post on Martel Van Zant of Oklahoma State.
Where is he now?
Thanks!
Pete – Tulsa, Oklahoma

A: Thank you Pete..
After completing his degree….
Martel is giving Arena Football a try..
He is currently playing for the Manchester Wolves..
You can drop him a line here…
http://www.manchesterwolves.com/

Q: Dude why always banging on California?
What you got against us anyway?
Toby – Los Angeles, California

A: My Favorite Reason?
You all enjoy making fun of the way we talk in the South..
Yet..
Your Governor can’t speak english..
Priceless…

Q: What makes you think everything is “better” in the south?
Chip – Cambridge, Massachusetts

A: There simply isn’t enough room here Chip..
To list all the reasons that are abundantly obvious to everyone…
So I will say this…
There isn’t a single soul in Dallas….
Or Huntsville…
Or Pensacola….
That will be celebrating tonight because…
They got a job in Detroit…
Enough said…

Q: Are you NUTS?
There is no such thing as “President of Texas”!
You are crazy as hell!
James – Indianapolis, Indiana

A: If you have a problem with my being President of Texas…
You can take it up with my Vice President..
Chuck Norris..

Q: Mike is Tennessee Coach Lane Kiffin just immature, stupid or is he just a complete dumbass?
Drew – Columbia, South Carolina

A: Yes…

Q: Sir, There is currently a rumor running rampant on the sports pages…
That one of my distinguished colleagues, Urban Myer, may be leaving the University of Florida..
To possibly take the head coaching job at Notre Dame.
It would be a shame that a fine man of his caliber would leave a fine institution like…
The University of Florida…
But…
He has noted that Notre Dame is his dream job…
Could you confirm as to whether there is any truth to this rumor?

Sincerely -
Mark Richt
Head Coach
University of Georgia

A: I smell a Georgia Tech fan behind this letter…

Enjoy your week…

RTR
MEB

College Football Picks Week 8 (Part II)

MEB — Sat, 18 Oct 2008 01:04:03 +0000

Ladies and Gentlemen -

I know….

But Please Stop.. you are embarrassing me….

Just Because I was THE ONLY College Football Prognosticator in the Country to Pick the Texas Christian Horned Frog win (Not an “upset”) last night over the “Undefeated” BYU Cougars is no reason for such adulation…..

I am just a simple College Fooball Prognosticating Genius…

Sort of like “Rain Man”…without the stammer…

Enjoy Your Picks!

College Football NEWS and VIEWS

TENNESSEE: Did anyone see or hear the pregame “interviews” with selected Tennessee Players before last weeks game with Georgia?

College Football Picks Week 6 (Part II)

MEB — Sat, 04 Oct 2008 01:54:27 +0000

Ladies and Gentlemen -

Before we get into Saturday’s Picks I have to say…

I am still mad about last night……

I am One and Two on Thursday night (again)?

DAMN it….

This is the reason my average has fallen faster than the stock market the last two weeks…

As you know I was a disappointing 30 and 15 (76%) last week…

Which leaves me at an embarrassing 202 and 51 for the season or 80%.

Hold on for a minute…..

I just said thirty “Hail Bryants”…..
Now I feel better…

Enjoy Your Picks!

College Football NEWS and VIEWS

HAWAII: This message is for Rainbow Head Coach Greg McMackin…
YOU “demoted” Coach Brian Kajiyama?
Shame on you…

NOW I am really glad you are losing…

YOU do not deserve to live in the same state as “Dog the Bounty Hunter”…
I love those guys…

TENNESSEE: I recall the NCAA’s “Big Fat Secret Witness” had this to say about “Why he had a problem with the University of Alabama”….

“That University (Alabama) is recruiting in my backyard (Memphis), and I have to question why anyone would leave MY state for another school…”

- Fat Phil Fulmer (Also Known as the NCAA’s “Secret Witness”)

Really?

Well, somebody better alert the Fat Man because the Miami Hurricanes have gotten some key players out of his backyard under the shadow of his ever expanding ass….

From Memphis too……

Running Back…Graig Cooper
Corner Back…Carlos Armour
Offensive Line….Tyler Horn

Let’s cut to the chase shall we?

Are you Tennessee Vol fans EVER going to be embarrassed by this gibbering jackass’s behavior?

Have you all sold your soul’s for a win?

Just wondering….

VANDERBILT: IF you beat Auburn this Saturday Night…
You all will be 5 and 0 for the first time since 1943…..

I am a Believer…..

CLEMSON: My Tiger Family…I have GOOD news.

This is how it’s going to work…

Dumbass Tommy’s Contract will be bought out by the end of the year…

Your “New” Coach?

Meet Coach Johnson of Vanderbilt…

He IS a Clemson Man…

and will be Your Football Coach in 2009…

Believe it…

NCAA: Seriously, when can we expect to hear about the “Investigation” into Reggie Bu$h and the $outhern California Trojan$?

In the words of Duane “Dog” Chapman…

“I will not give this up until I take my last dying breath”

EDITORS NOTE: I wonder if people that “Google” Reggie Bu$h or the $outhern California Trojan$ ever get tired of seeing the Ole CFBWIZARD pop up…

NCAA (PART II): Has Fat Phil called you all yet about the Miami Hurricanes recruiting in Memphis?

MIAMI (FL): “IF” you happen to see what appears to be an overweight Manatee hiding in the bushes on the Hurrcane campus wearing a “Big Orange” T-shirt…

That smells like ass and potted meat…

Don’t worry…
OR call the Animal Control folks….

It’s just Fat Phil Fulmer conducting another “Investigation” for the NCAA….

$OUTHERN CALIFORNIA: YOU jackasses aren’t on probation or “Looking down the barrel of the Death Penalty” YET?

Really?

I guess that only applies to “Real” Southern Schools…

ESPN: How much longer must we be held hostage to the halftime segment entitled…”Dr. Lou”?

Why we must we be subjected to listening to a 140 pound Tom Turkey spit and slur during the entire halftime?

Lou sounds like Slyvester the Cat after a three day drinking binge….

ESPN (PART II): Everytime I hear Pam Ward talk…

I die…

Just a little bit…

Inside…

PLEASE make her STOP!

ESPN (PART III): SOOOOOooooooooooo….

You all really don’t want to talk about the NCAA and PAC 10 “Investigation” into Reggie Bu$H and the Univer$ity of $outhern California Trojan$?

You do know I am going to bug the hell out of you and talk trash until you do?

Right?

Just so we understand each other…

HASKELL INDIAN NATIONS UNIVERSITY: For the first time in almost 75 years the university is re-introducing football on campus….

Why is this important?

Before this Country’s GREATIST athlete enrolled at Carlisle Indian School….

Jim Thorpe played football at Haskell Prep…..

That football field IS sacred ground…

Good Luck this weekend Boys!

EMAIL QUESTIONS and ANSWERS

Q: Mike, what is your “Problem” with “everything” California?
Juniper – San Diego, California
A: Because you all suck…

I hope that cleared up any misunderstanding…

Q: I have a question for you…
Why do they call Pittsburg State the “Gorillas”?
Thanks!
Chuck – Abilene, KS
A: Have you ever seen their Cheerleaders?

I rest my case….

Q: Hey, I got me a question!
My sister has what the doctor calls “Web” feet.
Does that mean if we hook her up to a computer, that
We is gettin our own “Web”-”site”?
GO VOLS
Stu – Pikeville, Tennessee
A: So Stu…
How close do you live to the Nuclear Power Plant?

Just wondering…

Q: Seriously Mike…
How old is Bobby Bowden?
Thanks!!
Tommy – Blacksburg, Virginia
A: Tommy…
When Bobby Bowden was born…
They hadn’t even invented dirt yet…

THE GAMES

Saturday October 4th

Penn State at Purdue
I would sooner doubt John Wayne than second guess Jo Pa…
JO PA’S LIONS 34-17

Duke at Georgia Tech
This is an imperfect world we live in….
Or…
They would BOTH Lose…
YELLOW JACKETS 31-23

Iowa at Michigan State
I like that Spartan Running Back…
That Ringer kid is a Class act…
CALL THE SPARTANS 23-14

Indiana at Minnesota
Gophers and Homers?
This is what I have to choose from?
Where is David Hasselhoff when you really need him?
OOOO SO GOLDEN GOPHERS 23-17

Boston College at North Carolina State
Not that it fits here….
But did you all know…
That a Boston accent is one of the VERY Best Birth Control devices known to mankind?
EAGLES 24-21

Rutgers at West Virginia
The folks from New Jersey (Pronounced: Newww Jorseee) are introduced to what is commonly referred to as:
A Mountain Ass Whoppin…
Light those Couches!
MOUNTAINEERS 34-17

Akron at Kent State
What a choice I have here…
Zippers or Protesting Wusseys…
I would rather watch monkeys sling poop for three hours…
ZIPPERS 23-10

Oklahoma at Baylor
This game is going to be uglier than my sister-in-law’s Prom Night…
“With” Power Blue Eye Shadow…
(Sorry for the Visual…)
BOOMER SOONER 38-13

Florida at Arkansas
There are few things in this world as mean as a wounded Gator…

Well…
That and my sister-in-law with a Hang Over…

Never mind…
It’s kind of the Same thing…
MIGHTY GATORS 43-10

Kansas at Iowa State
The Cyclones don’t have enough wind to make a popcorn fart…
HAWKS of JAY 33-17

Alcorn State at New Mexico State
Somebody really named their school after Al’s Bunion?
That is just disgusting…
AGGIES 34-14

EDITORS NOTE: Bring back “Pistol Pete”…..
I am NOT Kidding!

Western Kentucky at Virginia Tech
You say “Hill Toppers”…
I say……
“Turkey Feed”
HOKIES 33-10

UNLV at Colorado State
You know what they say?
What happens in Vegas…
Usually gets cured in the Doctors office in about ten to fourteen working days…
REBELS 28-20

South Carolina at Ole Miss
Forget about last week…
It’s a new day…..
GAMECOCKS 31-28

Stanford at Notre Dame
EVERYBODY in the Country Picked the IRISH last week…
TO LOSE…
BUT Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator..
No Need to thank me…
FIGHTING IRISH 28-17

Army at Tulane
Dare I pick the once proud Black Knights of the Hudson?
NOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooo!
GREEN WAVE 24-14

Kentucky at Alabama
I love my Big Blue Fans…
There are no better fans on the planet…
SO I will keep this one simple…
CRIMSON TIDE 34-17

Texas Tech at Kansas State
Do you know what time it is?
It’s TIME to get those GUNS UP RED RAIDERS!
RED RAIDERS 38-20

Mars Hill at Carson Newman
You know we have a screwed up immigration policy when People from “Mars” have their own college…
SPARK’S EAGLES 38-10

Illinois at Michigan
It’s October…..
Which means it’s too close to Halloween…
To go against the Fighting Pumpkins…
ZOOK’S PUMPKINS 31-21

Arizona State at California
You may call me “crazy”….
So did that “know it all” Doctor…
SUN DEVILS 24-23

Southern Methodist at Central Florida
Say it with me…
MIGHTY..MIGHTY…
MUSTANGS! 33-31

Florida State at Miami (FL)
The Good News?
Coach Bobby thinks he is meeting Woodrow Wilson and getting an award for “discovering” Sea Monkeys…
The Bad News?
It’s STILL Hurricane Season…
CANES 33-17

Navy at Air Force
Didn’t the “Village People” have a Sailor in the “group”?
That’s what I thought…
FALCONS 38-24

Nevada at Idaho
When I hear or read about Idaho I don’t think about football or potatoes..
I remember that girl “Ida” from High School…
She had a rather “progressive view of morals” for her time…
Forget I mentioned it…
WOLFPACK 28-24

Auburn at Vanderbilt
I am not sure I believe it myself…
But I am a Believer….
COMMODORES 17-16

San Diego State at Texas Christian
Didn’t the Aztec’s Kill the Baby Seals?
I learned that from a southern California History Teacher..
HORNED FROGS 38-10

Connecticut at North Carolina
Did you see the Tar Heels play last weekend?
My point exactly…..
TAR HEELS 24-17

Texas A&M at Oklahoma State
My favorite movie of all time?
After “Lonesome Dove”?
John Wayne: The Cowboys.
Enough said…
COWBOY UP! 27-10

Maryland at Virginia
I will not doubt the POWER of the NINJA turtles…
Again…
NINJA TURTLES 38-13

UTEP at Southern MIss
I will let you all in on a little “secret” to picking the games…
UTEP is in El Paso…
Southern Miss is in Hattiesburg Mississippi…
El Paso smells like a used urinal cake…

Hattiesburg smells like heaven…

That’s how it’s done…
GOLDEN EAGLES 24-17

Northern Illinois at Tennessee
By the time the Knoxghanistan Newspaper gets finished writing about this game….
You will think the Vowels beat the damn New England Patriots…
Enjoy it while you can…

YOU all got the Big DAWGS next week….
VOWELS 43-17

Ball State at Toledo
Have I mentioned that David Letterman went to Ball State?
Well, so did one of the best looking women in South Carolina…
So there…
CARDINALS 34-24

Washington at Arizona
I would LOVE to watch this game…
Really I would…
But there is a “special” about Gary Coleman on Vh1 “Behind the Music”…
I wish he would write a song called “What’ Ch-U Talking about Willis”..
Sometimes I wish for too much…
WILDCATS 6-3

Oregon at U$C
In a “Perfect World”?
They would BOTH lose….
By A lot…
TROJAN$ 3-2

Texas at Colorado
What is the first thing I think about when I wake up?
I Remember the Alamo…
HOOK EM HORNS 38-14

Ohio State at Wisconsin
This is the Game of the Week….
The “National Sports Media” believes the Badgers will win this game….
Thank God you all have me…
MIGHTY BUCKEYES 27-23

Rice at Tulsa
I LOVE Rice Pudding….
But (Like I said) it is STILL Hurricane season….
GOLDEN HURRICANES 24-23

EDITORS NOTE: Sorry…that just sounded nasty.

Missouri at Nebraska
Coach Bo will keep this closer than you think….
Keep the faith my Black Shirt Faithful….
The Huskers ARE on their way back…
MO’S TIGERS 34-23

Wyoming at New Mexico
I hate picking the Low Blows….
It’s the same feeling you get when you order something from Tony Little…
LOW BLOWS 13-7

Hawaii at Fresno State
For those that are hearing impaired…..
Let me repeat the earlier statement concerning Hawaii Warrior Football….

This message is for Rainbow Head Coach Greg McMackin…
YOU “demoted” Coach Brian Kajiyama?
Shame on you…

YOU do not deserve to live in the same state as “Dog the Bounty Hunter”…
I really do love THOSE guys…
BULLDOGS 34-17

Washington State at UCLA
I have to change the dirt out of my ant farm or I would watch this game…
Really….
BRUINS 23-17

Enjoy your Games!

RTR
MEB