I interrupt the “Iron Bowl” edition for important late breaking college football news

Please accept this news release for widest dissemination:

Great News for Irish Fans
Released by University of Notre Dame Athletics

Rise up Irish fans!
A new day is dawning.
Recently Northeastern University announced it was going to drop its storied football program.
This would create a void and imbalance in the powerful Colonial Athletic Association standings.
What better way to restore the “program” to those glory days of yesterday…….
Than moving up to Division I-AA’s Colonial Athletic Association!!
We’ve seen turmoil, angst, and much gnashing of teeth lately, and frankly, it needs to stop.
With many options on the table and after careful consideration……
Notre Dame Athletics has decided to accept the invitation of CAA to join its illustrious ranks!!
With such bellwethers as Hofstra, Rhode Island, & James Madison the competition will be stiff.
But, before long, with Charlie Weiss leading his innovative offense…….
We could very well capture the CAA crown and make a run for an FCS championship!!!
Who wants to play in an antiquated and, frankly, quite biased BCS system………
When we can be involved in an actual PLAYOFF for a NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP!!!
People all over have clamored for years for a playoff.
Well, YOU’RE WISH HAS COME TRUE…..TODAY!!!
And before the naysayers jump & scream, remember this……..
Appalachian State has beaten Michigan about as many times as we have lately.

Released by permission of Notre Dame Athletics

Mark May Recovering from Near Death Experience

ESPN studio analyst Mark May is apparently recovering from an alleged attack….
from former Notre Dame Coach and fellow analyst Lou Holtz
It was reported that after the final gun sounded for the Notre Dame / Connecticut matchup on Saturday that Holtz apparently went into sputum & phlegm laced spastic convulsive fit which, unfortunately, nearly drowned May in a green gooey slime-like substance.
May, visibly shaken, and clearly unconscious was rushed to a nearby hospital where he was given antibiotics and an alcohol bath and placed in intensive care.
He was removed from the ICU on Monday morning and talked to his lawyer.
Counsel has stated that May will pursue a civil suit against Holtz for reckless endangerment. “You know, it’s flu season,” stated May’s lawyer. “You’ve got regular flu, swine flu, hell, there’s no telling what could have been in that snot rocket that Holtz launched. Maybe even the kangaroo flu and who knows what was in that gunk.”
Analysts keeping an eye on the situation state that May has a good case and that he had warned ESPN for years of the possibility of just this type of episode.

Jimmy Clausen Cold Cocked at Club

Notre Dame Quarterback Jimmy “Glass Jaw” Clausen was decked while at a South Bend eatery last night.
The perpetrator allegedly took offense to the Irish being beaten once too many times this season.
Although investigators have yet to pinpoint the violent criminal who decked Jimmy, Oregon’s famed Running Back LeGarrette “Big Blow” Blount has not been ruled out as a suspect.
Witnesses say the suspected jabber was quite large, wearing a Notre Dame jersey, and had eye black under his eyes with “UCONN? and R U KIDDING?” printed upon it. Rumors are running rampant around the Notre Dame campus that it was one of the 33 seniors that embattled head coach Charlie Weiss referred to in a post game news conference.

However the “good” news is this isn’t as embarrassing…….
As Jimmy’s latest foray into the reality series market, please see the flyer below.

If the news from South Bend wasn’t bad enough, your favorite college football prognosticator has intercepted a transmission intended for the President of Notre Dame, the contents of which I share with you now…

Jackie Boy,
I usually don’t get involved with our Flagship University over in the states, but, now I must.
I mean; what the hey?
For the love of Mother Mary, what are you doing over there?
You must understand that you’re giving all of us here in the church a black eye.
I thought you knew what you were doing when you got this guy but all he’s doing is eating us out of house and home.
Holy Mother Teresa, you’ve got to do something.
We put up with the minority hire, Ty Willingham.
Now we’re putting up with this horizontally challenged hire, Charlie Weiss.
Whatever you do, just hire a normal coach. I don’t think that’s too much to ask.
For the love of Peter, we got beat by a color!! Who’s afraid of a color?
I could see it if Stanford’s mascot was an actual cardinal, like a bird or one of my underlings running around here at the Vatican.
But, you got beat by a color!!! And the symbol is a tree!!! Whoever heard of a red tree?
Look, we’ll front the money for the buyout like the last couple of times, but, for the love of the almighty, get us a coach that might be able to actually coach. Saturday evenings are pretty sad.
We’re getting beaten by a bunch of protestants. Ooooooh, the inhumanity of it all.
Signed
John Paul II
Pope

Your regularly scheduled programming will resume tomorrow with the “Iron Bowl” edition
and following that the Week 13 College Football Picks.

RTR
MEB

Much like my University’s mascot…
I have the memory of an elephant and I hardly ever forget anything.
As you might imagine, it’s a curse and blessing.

That being said….
I remember the following quotes from some noted Sports publications and commentators
back in August of this year before the college football season began.

Sports Illustrated

“Pete Carroll and the Trojans are even better than they were a year ago…”

“The Mighty Men of Troy will once again breeze through the PAC 10 and be in the National title picture…”

“Pete Carroll is the best college football coach in the country, hands down”

Fox Sports

“The Southern California Trojans won’t miss a beat this year…..
and their defense will be even better than it has been the past several years, and that is scary…”

“Coach Pete Carroll has one of the top two college football teams in the Nation”

Lisa Horne of Fox Sports

“Like it or not, Pete Carroll and the Southern California Trojans will be in the National Title game this year….”

“Matt Barkley will lead the Trojans to the National Title game….”

“Matt Barkley “may be” the first freshman to win the Heisman trophy…”

College Football News

“The Trojans will win the PAC 10 title hands down and will be in the National Title game at the end of the season…”

“The Men of Troy’s defense is scary good and even better than it was a year ago…”

ESPN

“Nobody in the PAC 10 can touch USC; the only question is who they will face in the National title game”

“Pete Carroll has assembled his finest team since his arrival on the Trojan campus”

ESPN’s Mark May

“Pete Carroll has such a wealth of talent at every position, all he has to do is reload”

“The Southern California Trojans will face either Texas or Florida in the National Championship game….
but Pete Carroll’s Trojans will definitely be in the title game.”

“Once the Trojans defeat Ohio State, nothing will slow them down until the National Title game”

CBS Sports

“Like it or not folks, the National Title will have to go through Pete Carroll’s Trojans”

THE CFB WIZARD

Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator didn’t pick the Trojans to win anything….
not the conference title or be in the national title hunt.

And the emails flowed in with that prognostication didn’t they?

Some called me a “Trojan Hater”

Other emails from California and irate Trojan Fans called me far worse names.

Now after a school known more for their SAT scores than touchdowns…
Torched the Trojans for 55 points on “Homecoming” and Coach Pete and the Men of Troy are
“Where?” in the Pac 10 Conference standings, I have to ask all you detractors….

“How do you like me now?”

But look on the bright side U$C Trojan fans….
At least Coach Pete shook the Stanford’s Coach’s hand at the end of this game…
unlike the snub he gave him two years ago when the Cardinal Beat the Trojans at home.
So I guess, that counts for something…

THE HILLS ARE ALIVE WITH SOUNDS OF STUPIDITY

Life is funny sometimes.
Just when you think some things have changed, they remain the same.
Take the University of Tennessee for instance..
Just when you think they Volunteers have a Football Coach…
that will restore a tattered reputation away from “Thug University”
and bring discipline back to a program that couldn’t spell it during the Phil Fulmer era….
once again we find ourselves back where we started.

In the event you haven’t heard or read about the three Tennessee Football players recent arrest
let me give you the “Low Lights” of the three Orange clad prodigal sons of stupidity.

Three Tennessee football players, one a “star” recruit and wearing his “Tennessee football regalia”
attempted to rob at gun point using a pellet gun, people in a vehicle at a truck stop
in the very same town in which they live and play football.

As you might imagine, it doesn’t end there….

One player was released by the police..
after presumably rolling over on the other two
and the other two players posted their bond that was set at $19,500 dollars each.

Tennessee Athletic Director Mike Hamilton had this to say…..

“We are evaluating the circumstances surrounding the incident before we make a decision”

Tennessee Football Coach Lane Kiffin had this to say……

“We are gathering all information until we make a decision…”

EDITORS NOTE: I wrote the very lines you are about to read…
time and time again about the same lousy excuses provided by Fat Phil Fulmer
and the then alcoholic Athletic Director at the University of Tennessee for similar incidents and some far worse.

So for the benefit of Coach Lane Kiffin and Athletic Director Mike Hamilton, let me make this one simple for you, O.K?

Wait for it…..

Wait for it….

There are ALREADY is plenty of “information” available to make a “decision”, it’s all in the police report, you two dumbass’s.

I sure hope that helps.

But I have two questions for Coach Lane, Mike Hamilton and all the loyal Volunteer Fans out there.

Who paid their bail and who is paying for their attorney’s?

Because it damn sure isn’t them or their families and we all know that don’t we?

More later in the week..

So stay Tuned…

RTR
MEB