I hope you all survived Halloween Weekend

Last week’s picks had far more “Tricks” than “Treats” in it for me.

Much like Charlie Brown and Charlie Weis I left last weekend with a sack full of rocks.

My sack full of rocks equated to 43 and 23 or 65% for the week….

And that dropped my season average to 79% with an overall record of 492 and 130.

In order to break this seemingly streak of bad luck….
I vow….

This is the last Halloween that I am dressing up like Tennessee Coach Derek Dooley

But I must confess the costume does make me look considerably younger, don’t you think?
And taller…

Enjoy your Picks…..

HIGH SCHOOL PLAYER OF THE WEEK

This week’s High School Player of the Week is an 8th Grader…..
Yes, you read that right, I said the “High School Player” of the Week is an 8th Grader

Eighth Grader Ostin McPherson from St. Paul’s High School in Mobile Alabama is a 5-foot-7, 156-pound tailback, who got the start last week because of a season-ending injury to starter Jordan Huff. He starred in the No. 4-ranked 5A Saints’ 36-6 victory over rival UMS-Wright Friday night at Cooper Stadium.

McPherson carried 28 times for 204 yards and scored on runs of 5, 2 and 12 yards. His last carry of the game came with nine minutes left in the lopsided win.
St. Paul’s coach Jimmy Perry was pleased with the way so many of his young players, led by McPherson, responded to the challenge.
“I’m just glad the Mobile Police Department hasn’t arrested me for child abuse for playing such young players in such big games,“ Perry said. “I was really proud of how hard our entire team played.“

St. Paul’s (9-1) did not allow the Bulldogs a first down until the final minute of the first half. By that time, the lead was 27-0.

The Saints reached the end zone on four of their five possessions in the first half, and the first two came on unlikely plays. The first score was a 39-yard pass from Will Brabston to Ryan Myles on third-and-25. The second was a 34-yard TD scramble by Brabston to convert a third-and-29.

McPherson scored his first two touchdowns in the second quarter to open up the 27-0 lead. UMS, which will enter the 4A playoffs with a 6-4 record, got going just before halftime when Gunner Roach connected with freshman Jawon McDowell for a 38-yard pass to the St. Paul’s 1, from where Roach dove into the end zone on the next play.
McPherson’s 2-yard touchdown run with 2:45 left in the third quarter was the only score of the period, and the Saints added Yannick Wildraut’s 33-yard field goal with 7:06 remaining to complete the scoring.

The Saints outgained the Bulldogs 357 yards to 83.

St. Paul’s hosts Woodlawn in a first-round 5A playoff game Friday at 7 p.m.
UMS-Wright visits Greene County in 4A.

SOUTH GEORGIA FOOTBALL NEWS and VIEWS

Greetings from the heart of SEC country!!!

Well, folks, the High School football season ended last night for the Big Blue of Telfair County. The Trojans came up on the short end of a 28-7 score against Lanier County. It was a long trip down Highway 129 to Lakeland but the boys in blue played their hardest and banged out a touchdown against the always tough Bulldogs. It’s been an interesting season here on South 3rd and these boys have put their blood, sweat, and tears into a hard fought season. As I said in an earlier article, we’re not Lowndes or Valdosta or Parkview. No we’re not the 2-A elites. But, what we are is a bunch of hard-scrapple boys from the country who see possibility every Friday night and who fight through every game. These kids don’t expect pats on the back for losing. They know they’re not in a “participatory league” where everyone gets a trophy because they “tried real hard.” They’re tough kids, playing a tough game, in a tough region. Telfair County isn’t Atlanta, or Macon, or Savannah where there’s “loads of stuff to do.”
Some people say we’re in the middle of nowhere. We don’t have a Six Flags, or a Georgia Dome, or nice beach, but we’ve got Jaybird Springs, Little Ocmulgee State Park, and the Milan Harvest Festival. And mostly, we’re good, down to earth, hard working people. We’re Dogs, Jackets, and Eagles on Saturday, Baptists, Methodists, and Presbyterians on Sunday, and working folks during the workweek.
But come Friday night, under the lights, down on South 3rd in McRae Georgia, we’re Telfair-By-God-Trojans. We’re proud of every one of these kids. From #1 Devin Edwards to #94 Willie Wooten. From the starters to the subs. The Seniors to the Freshmen. These boys are learning to be men in what truly is the school of hard knocks. But you won’t hear them complain. You won’t see them quit. You won’t see them in a playoff game…. this year.
But when the season is over, you’ll see them continuing that Telfair tradition of working hard in school, in their part time jobs, and for some, on the basketball team or the baseball team. And that’s what makes us proud to be called TELFAIR COUNTY TROJANS!!!!!

Up in Atlanta they the student body swarmed the field after the Ramblin’ Wreck got after the visiting Cats of Clemson like a swarm of mad hornets. The Calculator Commandos racked up the points and yardage in a 31-17 upset of then #5 Clemson. Without RB Andre Ellington the Orange clad Tigers were pretty much neutered as his understudies were never effective against a ball-hawking Jacket defense. Tevin Washington set a school record for yardage by a QB and the defense took the ball away 4 times. Clemson had been walking a tightrope all season with their defense and it showed today as the Trade School racked up over 380 yards on the ground. Next up for the Wreck is a visit from the Gobblers of Virginia Tech. The Hokies don’t “seem” as stout this year, but with the up and down play of the Bees, you never know what will happen on Saturday.
Down in Jacksonville, the Red Clay Hounds took advantage of an ineffective Reptilian ground game to take a 24-20 decision from the Lizards of Florida. The Gators were clearly dragging their tails as they were held to -19 yards on the ground. John Brantley was harassed all night as the Cow College unleashed the hounds in the victory. It appeared that Georgia was about to again come up short in the first half as they trailed 17-3 before taking advantage of a Gator turnover late in the half to go into halftime 17-10. It wasn’t pretty but a win is a win in the tough SEC. Next up for the Pups is a scrimmage against the Aggies of New Mexico State which should serve as a warm-up before welcoming the Pigeons of the Plains to Athens for another tough game.
Unfortunately the news gets worse, as the Eagles traveled to Boone and were shot down by the Mountain Men of Appalachian State by a score of 24-17. The Pioneers were clearly out to avenge last year’s upset which cost them the #1 spot in the FCS standings and ended their 26 game conference win streak. The Eagles developed a bad case of Statesboro Blues after being held to only 135 yards rushing and just over 200 yards of total offense. Unable to take advantage of opportunities, the Eagles were plucked clean as they were booted from their lofty perch. Next up for GSU is a home game against the mighty warriors of the Citadel in a game of option vs option. The Eagles hope to get back to their winning ways before they make a trip to Spartanburg for a tussle with the Terriers of Wofford in an important SoCon showdown to try to break up a 3 way tie for first in this tough conference.

In Knoxville, the visiting Columbia Chickens took on a hungry pack of Coon Hunters and came away from Neyland Stadium with a win in a game to help determine whether or not the Cocks have adjusted to life without Lattimore or Garcia. Understudy Brandon Wilds filled in for the injured starter and reeled off over 137 much needed yards to help the Gamecocks to a 14-3 win over punch less Tennessee. The Red Roosters are going to need Wilds, Shaw, the defense, and the water boy to chip in next week as they travel West to take on some of the luckiest pork on the planet in Arkansas. The Head Ball Coach will have his hands full this week getting ready for the Hogs as there are no more warm-up weeks for the offense. This could be a make or break week for South Click as they try to stay one step ahead of a pack of Hungry Hounds from Athens in a tight SEC East Race.

Speaking of the Razorbacks, they won by the hair of their collective chinny-chin-chins in sinking the Commodores by a 31-28 score. The Admiralty put up a stiff defense against these Hungry Hogs but missed the mark just as did their kicker on a game tying attempt that sailed wide of the uprights. After leading 21-7 towards the end of the first half Vandy’s ship began to list as they allowed Petrino’s Porkers to outscore them 24-7 down the stretch and come out with a win. One thing Arkansas may want to think about is trying to avoid those early holes they always seem to find themselves in. Those Columbia Pullets have a considerably stouter defense than Vandy, Ole Miss, and Texas A&M. I don’t think the luck will carry over to next week if they once again get down early.

Out West, the Big Trees of Stanford dropped a limb on Lane Kiffin’s Trojans in a game that went to triple overtime. Just when the escapee from Knoxville thought he was going to get that signature win for the season, fate intervenes. An untimely fumble into the end zone sealed the deal for the Spartans as their upset bid was unceremoniously ended. But, it’s okay that just means that the Southern Californians don’t have to suffer the indignity of making it into the top 25 and then not get asked to dance in one of the lesser bowls. Ohio State took a bite out of the Cheese Heads aspirations for greatness this weekend with an upset of their own. I’ve just been scratching my head over the developments in the Big 10-ish and have been trying to answer the question: Who does this conference remind me of? The ACC or the Big East?

And, finally, it’s time for a little Prognosticatin’. Yep, the Peach State Prognostication is Proverbially Puzzled this week. The Dogs are doing just enough to win and the Bee’s swarmed the hive with a convincing win this weekend. And, they showed a little defense in holding the Tigers of Clemson to some season lows. Did the pendulum swing?
Hmmmmm…. We’ll see. One thing is for sure, there’s something going on in Athens. The place is starting to look like North Tallahassee for the last couple of seasons.
If Richt can keep the players out of jail and on the roster I’m predicting 28-27….. Dogs.
Note that 7 X 4 = 28.
Field goals are not a good option for these pups.

That’s it for now. Hope everyone’s team wins and you have a great week.
And remember; make sure you support your local High School Athletics.
These are your future collegians of tomorrow.

Until next time,
I’m Harley Hanesworth

EMAIL QUESTIONS OF THE WEEK

Q: Dear Mr. Wizard
Where has the Number One Tennessee Volunteer Fan on the Planet been?
You got him tied up or something? Or is that married life keeping him busy?
We want to hear from “The Man” Hootie Snitch!
The Boy’s From Western Auto and Big Ten Tire – Strawberry Plains, Tennessee

A: Thank you for the email gentlemen. Hootie Snitch will be returning next week with what he is calling his “State of the Orange Nation” address.

Q: Dear Mister Wizard
Do you have any good news for the Kentucky Wildcat faithful?
Roger – Lexington, Kentucky

A: Yes I do Roger; basketball season is right around the corner.

Q: Dear Wizard Man
I took my girlfriend (Shout out to Miss Mary Beth! I love you girl!)
She smells like the inside of my momma’s purse she does!

Anyway so we was a going to a carnival that come to town and they had rides and everything, like the big ole Viking ship that rocks back and forth in the air, and boy let me tell you that thing goes up higher than my deer stand! I bet you that was what it was really a like riding that boat on the ocean when the Pilgrims come across from wherever they come from.

Hell I almost forgot my question just a thinking about riding on that Viking ship with Miss Mary Beth
(I Love you girl!)
So here is my question – “IF” Auburn wins the rest of them games and “IF” they wins the SEC Championship, will they still have a chance at the National Championship?
Chip – Opelika, Alabama

A: Chip I think you have been spending more time with Miss Mary Beth than you have been watching college football this year, am I right?

Q: You suck! Why don’t you just quit writing all this stupid football crap!
Anonymous – Charleston, South Carolina

A: Thank you Anonymous for taking time out of your busy day to send me this email.
I considered your request…..
And then a quote came to me from the greatest urban philosopher in the 20th Century.
M. C. Hammer when he said….
That I was…
“Too Legit to Quit”
(That song is in your head now isn’t it?)
No Need to Thank me….

COLLEGE FOOTBALL NEWS

HOUSTON: Congratulations on winning the “Bayou Bucket” in convincing fashion.
Damn convincing fashion….

OKLAHOMA STATE: It was brought to my attention…..
Two weeks ago on the Cowboy Campus in Stillwater Oklahoma “all” the safety posters had been replaced in the various university cafeterias and on-campus eating establishments with the poster below.
I think the picture speaks for itself….

JOE PA and PENN STATE: Congratulations to the Great Joe Paterno…..

Last Saturday Joe Pa became the winningest College Football Coach in History…

There isn’t enough room here to say what Joe Pa means to college football.
Joe Pa is Class.
He is Character
He is one of the best that ever walked the sidelines.

Congratulations Joe Pa, you deserve the record.

TEXAS TECH: After you screwed up my average last week by dropping the game AFTER you defeated Oklahoma, I am now legally changing my name from Buzz O’Branowitz back to the last name I had when I lost a bet of this magnitude.

I will now be known legally as Herb McCrotchburns….

MINNESOTA: I guess a blind Groundhog can find an acorn in the woods…

Great win last week Gophers…

CLEMSON: Damn it Tigers, Damn it……….

LAME TROJAN’S: So Lame didn’t like the referee’s calls against his Trojans last week…

And he went on and on and on and on about it…..

I’m not saying his complaints weren’t legitimate

But here is a little hint Lame….

You and the Trojans aren’t the fair hair children of the PAC (Whatever) Conference anymore

Sorry….

HEISMAN HYPE: I don’t understand all the Heisman Hype….

It seems to get worse every year.

I know that ALL the Sports Media outlets to include CNN wanted to award the trophy to Stanford’s Andrew Luck three weeks ago, calling him “The Greatest Quarterback to ever play college football”.

Really, the Greatest Quarterback to ever play college football?

I am not pushing for one candidate or another here.

All I am saying is that Stanford’s Andrew Luck hasn’t proved anything because he hasn’t played anybody other than a so-so Southern California Trojan team.

Let’s hold our ballots until the end of the season, shall we?

BRIEF COMMENTARY ON THE TENNESSEE VOLUNTEERS

Many of you have sent me emails wondering why I haven’t commented on the Alabama Crimson Tide victory two weeks ago over the Tennessee Volunteers.

So let me say this….
I don’t believe in kicking anyone or any program when they are down….
And let me say one more thing about the Third Saturday in October….

Coach Bryant instructed us to “Win without bragging and Lose without excuse”

EDITORS NOTE: That’s the way it’s supposed to be….

THE SOUTHEASTERN CONFERENCE: SEC Conference Commissioner Mike Slive announced this past week during a weekly news conference…

“”First we’ll take Texas A&M, Missouri, then Oklahoma, then Clemson, then Germany …”

HALLOWEEN: One Last Comment on the Halloween weekend….

If this isn’t the funniest Halloween Costume of the year, then I don’t know what is…

At least I think it’s a costume

THE GAMES

Tuesday November 1st

Northern Illinois at Toledo
This is going to be a High Scoring Affair….
Believe it
I am really feeling confident about my pick in this game.
HUSKIES 63-60

Wednesday November 2nd

Temple at Ohio
I don’t want to sound to “cocky” but I think I am on a roll heading into Thursday night’s games.
FRANK’S CATS 35-31

Thursday November 3rd

Akron at Miami (OH)
This instate Rivalry in the Buckeye State is played for the coveted…
“Victory Slim-Jim Award”
This game has somehow lost its luster since Randy “Macho Man” Savage passed away
REDHAWKS 31-28

Tulsa at Central Florida
The O’ So Very Golden Hurricanes are coming to O- Town (not the defunct musically challenged Boy Band) to meet the O’ So Very Golden Knights.
I am not sure about the Golden Knights….
But I do know that Otis Day and the Knights make we want to “Shout”
OTIS’S KNIGHTS 34-24

Florida State at Boston College
Trivia question for you
Do you know what kind of feathers are in Chief Osceola’s headdress?
Eagle Feathers….
MIGHTY SEMINOLES 38-17

Friday November 4th

Central Michigan at Kent State
This game features Chippewa’s and Golden Flashes…
And just so you know….
If you see an old Chippewa disrobe in public it counts as being “Golden Flashed”
CHIPPEWAS’ 28-24

Southern California at Colorado
Two Facts that should be noted in this game….
Not Only has Colorado not won an away game since William McKinley was President..
But they haven’t won a home game since Phil Fulmer could see the top of his shoes.
LAME TROJANS 43-17

Saturday November 5th

Texas Tech at Texas
This Rivalry in the Lone Star State is a good one
It’s played for the “Chancellor’s Spurs”
It doesn’t get much cooler than that
HOOK EM HORNS 31-24

Syracuse at Connecticut
I had good intentions of watching this game..
But my “Best of Zamfir Pan Flute CD” just arrived in the mail…
Sorry…
OTTO the ORANGE 21-17

McDaniel at Susquehanna
Ronald McDonald’s half brother is really a glutton for punishment
Last weekend J-Lo put a whipping on him…
Now it’s Susie’s turn….
SUSIE Q 28-10

Ball State at Eastern Michigan
Cardinals against the Eagles…
This game is for the Birds…
EAGLES 24-17

Michigan at Iowa
It’s a Big Ten (or Whatever) Matchup and you know by now what that means
Another “rivalry” game for a “coveted” Trophy
This game is played annually for the “Monkey Turd of Hope Trophy”
I am not quite sure what the trophy looks like, but it sure is fun to say
UPSET SPECIAL!!!!
HAWKEYES 33-28

Norwich and SUNY Maritime
The Cadets of Norwich meet the Privateer’s of Maritime to determine who will win the Championship of the Great Northeast Athletic Conference. It’s going to be close….
It will come down to a late game winning field goal by Cadet Kicker Long Ding.
(And “No” I didn’t make that name up)
CADETS 24-23

Indiana at Ohio State
The Loosiers visit the Horseshoe in Columbus for another…
Of their many ass kicking’s by the Buckeyes.
Enjoy….
BUCKEYES 34-14

Valparaiso at Marist
I know, I know….
That Mexican Bull Fighter has a “shiny” outfit but…
That Marist is a real Fox
RED FOXES 38-17

Louisville at West Virginia
Believe it or not…..
I am going “Upset Special” on this game
Call me crazy; it’s nothing I haven’t already heard from mental health professionals
STRONG CARDINAL’S 28-24

Minnesota at Michigan State
I know the question that is on your mind concerning this game.
“Will the O’ So very Golden Gophers win Two Games in a Row?”
Not likely….
GO TELL THE SPARTANS 33-24

Vanderbilt at Florida
The Commodores are tough this year, but they will run aground in the Swamp
GATOR CHOMP 33-17

Virginia at Maryland
I would watch this game but by the time it comes on ESPN 3…
I will be listening to Zamfir play “Freebird” on the Pan Flute
Sorry…
CAVALIERS 28-24

New Mexico State at Georgia
Lasso Larry gets a nasty Dog Bite between the hedges…
Believe it
SIC EM DAWGS 34-13

Juniata at Moravian
Morey must be a Moravian to mess with Juanita..
I heard she whipped every woman in the trailer park for “looking” at her man
J-LO 24-17

Tusculum at Carson Newman
I cannot in good conscience…….
Pick a school that sounds like something you blew into a handkerchief
SPARK’S EAGLES 34-31

North Carolina at North Carolina State
This instate battle on Tobacco Road is played for something more important than a Trophy
It’s called “Bragging Rights”
TAR HEELS 33-17

Kansas at Iowa State
Together these two teams couldn’t generate enough wind to classify as a decent shrimp fart.
CYCLONES 31-17

Appalachian State at Furman
The Mountaineers dispatched the Number One Southern Eagles last week….
They are ready for the Furry Man
MOUNTAINEERS 34-21

Stony Brook at Charleston Southern
This game reminds me that it’s time for a shameless plug of my favorite getaway
There is no place on the planet that is easier to relax and enjoy than with my friends at the Stony Brook Cabins & Chalets in beautiful Gatlinburg Tennessee.
Give Ed and the Beautiful Miss Pam a call and tell them Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator sent you. You won’t be disappointed.

Texas Christian at Wyoming
My Hero’s have always been Cowboys….
Except in this game…
HORNED FROGS 43-13

Citadel at Georgia Southern
The Eagles tumbled off their perch last week…
They will fly high this week
SOUTHERN EAGLES 33-17

Sioux Falls at North Dakota
Correction on this game concerning “Sioux Falls”
Sioux FELL….
FIGHTING SIOUX! FIGHTING SIOUX! 43-16

North Dakota State at Indiana State
I seriously don’t get the folks in Indiana…
What is supposed to be so scary about a “Fighting Sycamore Tree”?
How liquored up do you have to be to think a “tree” is going to fight you?
I can hear it now…
“Jim that tree over there is look at you like it wants to fight…”
I don’t get it
MIGHTY BISONS 31-21

West Oregon at Montana
Have you ever seen what happens when a Wolf takes on a Grizzly Bear?
My Point exactly…
GRIZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ 43-10

St Johns at St Olaf
The Mighty O’ has been Rolling since winning the Cereal Bowl and the Goat Trophy
(I told you that was important didn’t I?)
ST OLIES 27-17

Grambling State at Jackson State
Two Great College Football Programs that have produced Legends of the Fall
And their Marching Bands aren’t too shabby either…
WALTER’S TIGERS 34-28

Duke at Miami
This is the time of the year when the leaves are changing….
Temperatures are cooler…
And the Duke Blue Devils get their annual ass kicking by the Hurricanes
I Love Fall
HURRICANES 212-3

Tulane at Southern Methodist
The Green Wave roll into Mustang Country and get kicked back to the Big Easy
MIGHTY MUSTANGS 43-17

Chattanooga at Samford
Fred and Lamont Samford are about to take a ride on the Chattanooga Choo-Choo
And not in a “good way”
MIGHTY MOC’S 38-14

West Alabama at Delta State
Other than Okra Winfrey there isn’t anything I don’t like about Okra…
Fried, Pickled or Boiled.
I’m an Okra Man
FIGHTING OKRA 34-20

Ole Miss at Kentucky
Have you noticed that since the “rebels” changed their mascot they haven’t won an SEC game?
I like to think of that as karma…
JOKER’S CATS 28-17

Army at Air Force
This game may very well decide the Commander in Chiefs Trophy
Yeah, it’s that important

FALCONS 33-28
Northwestern at Nebraska
The Children of the Corn surprised me last week with a great win against the Spartans.
But I still think “Lil Red” looks like the Shoney’s Big Boy’s little brother.
I’m just saying…
CHILDREN OF THE CORN 31-17

UTEP at Rice
This game presents one very important fact….
If you have read this far then you know by now that “The Big Game” is at the bottom the page
MINERS 28-24

Montana State at Weber State
The outdoor grill College of Weber State is about to get smoked
BOBCATS 43-24

Purdue at Wisconsin
This Big Ten (something) matchup is played for yet “another” coveted Trophy
These teams square off each year to play for the “Sombrero of Cheese Whiz”
Yankee’s are funny when they make up rivalry trophy’s aren’t they?
BUCKY the BADGER 43-17

Troy at Navy
Your guess is as good as mine in this game.
I don’t know “who” is going to show up from week to week.
MIDSHIPMEN 28-24

Southern Miss at East Carolina
The Mighty Golden Eagles are on a roll winning six games in a row….
Make it “Seven”
GOLDEN EAGLES 34-17

West Georgia at North Alabama
The Florence Lions have dropped two games in a row….
I am keeping the faith
MIGHTY LIONS 33-24

Arkansas State at Florida Atlantic
The Owls aren’t playing worth a Hoot and the Red Wolves are Howling
RED WOLVES 34-17

Presbyterian at Coastal Carolina
Blue Ho’s and Chanticleers in this one….
And as a safety tip….
If you run around with Blue Ho’s you could get a Chanticleer
Just so you know…
BLUE HO’S 28-17

Utah at Arizona
It’s like the old saying goes….
There is more than one way for two Utes to skin a cat…
TWO UTES 24-17

Notre Dame at Wake Forest
There was time when this game was really important…
Not really, I was just trying to make it sound interesting
FIGHTING IRISH 34-28

Cincinnati at Pittsburgh
These two schools have both been rolling on the river lately…
Which makes me think…
This game would be worth watching if Tina Turner sang “Rolling on the River” at halftime
I’m just saying…
PANTHERS 28-23

Houston at UAB
This game is going to be uglier than a game of Twister with a bunch of midget strippers.
(And “No” that is not based on personal experience, shame on you for thinking that)
MIGHTY COUGARS 56-10

Missouri at Baylor
In case I haven’t mentioned it lately…
It Sucks to B U….
MO’S TIGERS 43-38

MTSU at Tennessee
The Vowels get back on track and leave the Raiders Blue
VOWELS 38-17

South Carolina at Arkansas
I know I picked against the Gamecocks last week.
Believe me, I read your emails.
Fire up those computers and start writing because I am picking against them again this week.
HAWG-ZILLA’S 24-17

Arizona State at UCLA
I was trying to remember why I wanted to watch this game…
But I honestly couldn’t remember
DEVILS from the SUN 38-21

New Mexico at San Diego State
The Lobo’s and the Ancient Aztecs….
Sound’s like an upcoming Disney Movie…
AZTECS 34-28

Oregon at Washington
The Once Mighty Don James Huskies are playing more like Yorkshire terriers
I can’t even think about watching them anymore….
QUACKS 43-17

Boise State at UNLV
Another “tough” game for the Mighty Bronco’s of Boise and the schedule doesn’t get any easier.
Next Week the Bronco’s host the “Arthur Murray Dance Studio and Toe Tap Academy”
They better watch out, I hear they have some “fancy” footwork
BRONCO’S 49-17

Utah State at Hawaii
My Black Lab “Doc” loves it when I pick the Hawaii games..
I think it’s because I always make mention of “Dog the Bounty Hunter”
It’s probably just a name recognition thing…
BOUNTY HUNTING WARRIORS on RAINBOWS 43-28

South Florida at Rutgers
This game perplexed me….
So I called my adopted Italian family in Atlantic City for their perspective…
This is what I got…
“Fugit about it, pick da Knights”
Done…
SCARLET KNIGHTS 28-24

Texas A&M at Oklahoma
Don’t be surprised if this game goes the “other way”
I’m serious
BOOMER SOONERS 43-38

Kansas State at Oklahoma State
The Wildcats will keep it close for a while and then the Cowboys will Ride
COWBOY UP! 43-24

Washington State at California
I know what you are thinking about this game…
I don’t give a damn, I have scrolled through the whole article just to read the next game.
O’ SO Very GOLDEN GRAM BEARS 7-6

LSU at Alabama
“The Tussle in T-Town”
It’s a shame somebody has to lose this game.
It’s going to be a good one
CRIMSON TIDE 17-16

NEXT WEEK….

If my liver survives Saturday’s Tide and Tiger Game we will have….

The Return of Hootie Snitch “The Number One Tennessee Vol Fan on the Planet”

And in the following weeks….
Rufus Johnson will return to “Drop some Knowledge on Yo Ass”
More information on the NCAA Auburn Investigation….
And a few Surprises…

So Stay Tuned…

Enjoy Your Games….

RTR

THE CFB WIZARD

As you all know by now……
My beloved state of Alabama was hit with a devastating string of Tornados this past April. I would like to encourage you all, regardless of your religious or school affiliations (Which I recognize are often the same thing) to please donate to a charity of your choice that will help them recover from the devastating effects of this disaster.

There are a number of charities to donate too.
Here is a good place to start…..

Serve Alabama
http://www.servealabama.gov/2010/2011%20Tornadoes/Response.aspx

The Good Sisters at Catholic Tide
http://www.catholictide.com/02/please-donate-to-catholic-charities-usa-tornado-relief/

Or Contact my brother Reverend Kelvin Croom at the College Hill Baptist Church in Tuscaloosa

Make no mistake about it. We will be back, because that’s who we are.

We don’t quit, we don’t yield and we don’t surrender.

It’s gut check time

ROLL TIDE

THE CFB WIZARD

Before we get into this Week’s Picks I believe Congratulations are in order….

After defeating the James Madison Dukes last Saturday the University of New Hampshire Wildcats can take their rightful place as the Number Three Ranked team in College Football!

This of course is based upon the BCS formula of the “three degrees of separation” as it relates to the Virginia Tech Hokies.

Meaning: On the merit of Boise State’s win over Virginia Tech, the Bronco’s moved to the Number Three Ranking, correct? The following week James Madison defeated Virginia Tech and they should have been elevated to at least a Number Three ranking as well, right?

That brings us to last Saturday…
The New Hampshire Wildcats defeated the James Madison Dukes, who defeated the Virginia Tech Hokies and thus are the Number Three Team in College Football!

Now that you understand the logic associated with the BCS….
You too are qualified to determine who will play in the BCS Championship game…

EDITORS NOTES: Based on the BCS formula….
I think New Hampshire has a real shot at the title game..Don’t you?

Enjoy Your Picks…

PRE-GAME WARM UP

You know it’s a tough week when Chuck Norris references can’t help you….
Last week Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator was a dismal 40 and 14 or 74%.
That drops me to 335 and 69 or 83% after seven weeks of college football.
But this is no time to dwell on post Saturday heartbreak….

EDITORS NOTE: South Carolina and Nebraska fans take note
It’s the Third Saturday in October….
And that means war….

DUMBASS OF THE WEEK AWARD

In a photo finish….
The Dumbass of the Week Award goes to none other than CBS sideline reporter Tracy Wolfson who said last week after Arkansas quarterback Ryan Mallett left the game with Auburn with an undisclosed injury….
“ I talk to the Arkansas trainers and I got me no information on it”

EDITORS NOTE: Before the season is over….
I hope Tracy gets “Hooked on Phonics”

Second runner-up for this week’s award goes to Tracy’s colleague in the CBS booth, Vern Lundquist who stated near halftime of the Arkansas – Auburn contest….
“Stay tuned to CBS for all of today’s gay highlights from around the country”

EDITORS NOTES: Who knew Vern was a Kenny Chesney fan?

FAN FAVORITE OF THE WEEK AWARD

This week the Auburn Tiger fans have selected as “The Fan Favorite of the Week”
Southeastern Conference referee Penn Wagers of Summerville South Carolina for providing the Tigers with two unassisted touchdowns in their victory over the Arkansas Razorbacks!
Although they didn’t need the additional touchdowns to win the game…
It is nice to know that Penn cared enough to give the Tigers the extra added bonus to ensure victory!
Congratulations to Penn and War Damn Eagle!

THE PICKS

Thursday October 20th

UCLA at Oregon
This game will be chocked full of Quackers and Bears..
Which coincidently is not unlike a box of animal crackers
QUACK ATTACK 43-17

Friday October 21st

South Florida at Cincinnati
The Boys from Chili Town are fresh off their victory for the Keg of Nails
And that is good enough for me….
BEARKATS 31-17

EDITORS NOTE: Also Cincinnati is the home of Skyline Chili which greatly influences my selection process when it comes to picking the BearKats, just so you know.

Saturday October 22nd

Syracuse at West Virginia
Otto the Orange will feel out of place in Morgantown…
Especially when they roast him on a couch…
LIGHT THOSE COUCHES!
MOUNTAINEERS 33-21

Moravian at Juniata
I wonder….
If Morons come from Moravian?
Not that it matters to Juanita
J-LO 28-10

Duke at Virginia Tech
Blue Devils fans finally have something to cheer about…
Basketball season is almost here..
HOKEY POKEY 43-17

Iowa State at Texas
My beloved Longhorns….
Have returned to their winning ways before my liver fell out and my spleen exploded.
Which is nice…
LONGHORNS 28-17

Michigan State at Northwestern
The Spartans are undefeated at this point in the season for the first time in 44 years…
That trend will continue in the Windy City on Saturday…
SPARTANS 38-14

Notre Dame at Navy
Even Golden garden Gnomes won’t help the Fighting Leprechauns this week..
Believe it…
MIDSHIPMEN 28-24

Penn State at Minnesota
The Not So very Golden Gophers have one problem…
Actually they have a lot of problems…
No offense, no defense and nonexistent special teams….
But let’s keep this simple shall we?
Jo Pa is coming to town….
The Governors’ Bell Trophy goes too…
JOE’S LIONS 33-10

Ole Miss at Arkansas
One question….
What the hell does a foam rubber bear have to do with the “Ole Miss Rebels”?
Is that a “rebel” bear? Does he just not get along with the other bears?
Does he do a keen James Dean impression?
That’s just stupid….
RAZORBACKS 38-24

Mars Hill at Carson Newman
You know illegal immigration is a problem…
When people from Mars have their own college..
SPARKS EAGLES 43-28

Indiana at Illinois
This Big Twelve, Eleven, I mean Ten Rivalry…
Is played each year for the “Bottom Feeder of the Conference Trophy”
In case you were wondering….
The Trophy is a stuffed Catfish….
FIGHTING PUMPKINS 31-17

Delaware at William and Mary
This game will have Bill and Mary chasing some hens around a field…
Throw in some fireworks and some liquor and you have a weekend at Hootie Snitch’s house..
BLUE HENS 38-24

Purdue at Ohio State
The Boilermakers will need a few after this one is over….
The Buckeyes have a mean on…
BUCKEYES 34-14

Rutgers at Pittsburgh
The Knights will leave the home of Iron City Beer with a Scarlett face…
Believe it…
PANTHERS 24-17

Maryland at Boston College
Honestly this game is a tossup….
Because both teams have more personalities than a schizophrenic
TURTLEMEN 24-21

Ohio at Miami (OH)
Coach Franks Cats of Bob are ready but the boys from Miami are red hot..
RED HAWKS 33-28

Wyoming at Brigham Young
I have a philosophical question….
If Wyoming and Washington State played against each other..
How many days would it be until someone scored?
COUGARS 38-10

Chattanooga at Furman
Choo-Choo and Chewbacca….
Sounds like a chewing tobacco company…
MIGHTY MOCS 28-24

Northern Arizona at Montana
Not even a bunch of lumberjacks can calm a grizzly bear…
I saw that once on the Animal Planet…
GRIZZZZZZZ 41-24

Kent State at Bowling Green
This battle of the Buckeye State is played for the “Jimmy Crack Corn Trophy”
Because if you aren’t the Buckeyes in Ohio, then nobody cares…
FALCONS 31-17

Rice at Central Florida
My Favorite Pudding doesn’t get breaded this weekend….
PUDDING POPS 28-24

Connecticut at Louisville
I still believe the Cardinals are Strong….
STRONGS CARDNIALS 31-28

North Alabama at Ouachita Baptist
Little known fact..
Like most denominations of the Baptist faith….
The Ouachita Baptist will not make love standing up…
For fear someone will see them and think they were dancing..
MIGHTY LIONS 34-14

Kansas State at Baylor
In case you were wondering..
The slogan…
“Let’s go Wacko in Waco”
Wasn’t cool anymore when the Branch Davidians moved into the neighborhood
WILDCATS 28-20

Millsaps at Centre
I didn’t know Ronnie Millsaps had his own college?
I wonder if Conway Twitty does too?
Never mind…
RONNIE’S BOYS 24-17

Wisconsin at Iowa
I told you about the Power of Cheese last week…
This week it’s all about Cheese Curls…
HAWKS EYES 31-24

LSU at Auburn
I am going out on a limb here….
But I believe the Tigers are going to win this game…
Call it a Prognosticators Hunch….
TIGERS 28-24

EDITORS NOTE: Hey Fightn’ Tigers…..

Georgia Tech at Clemson
I think it’s worth mentioning here….
I miss my adopted Clemson Tiger Family…
This one is for you all….
DABO’S TIGERS 28-23

Houston at Southern Methodist
I know my Ponies took it on the chin last weekend….

EDITORS NOTE: That was in no way intended as a slight on the Chinese people..
This country owes them far too much money for me to make them angry

MIGHTY MUSTANGS 33-28

Arizona State at California
I would watch this game…..
But there is a “special” on Sea Monkeys on the Discovery Channel.
You do know they are natures perfect animal, right?
DEVILS of the SUN 6-3

Massachusetts at New Hampshire
The Nations Number Three Wildcats takes on the Men of Minutes…
In a clash which is located ten miles from the arctic circle…
Just thought I would throw that in…
WILDCATS 24-17

Marshall at East Carolina
I won’t forget the Thundering Herd’s game with the Pirates on November 14th 1970…
And neither should you…
WE ARE MARSHALL 28-24

Hawaii at Utah State
I don’t know if I’ve mentioned it…
But Dog the Bounty Hunter can be seen on the A&E Network on Wednesday Evenings..
Check your local listings for times in your area…
WARRIORS Bounty Hunting on RAINBOWS 38-28

Washington State at Stanford
I don’t know if I mentioned it…..
But the Cougars couldn’t beat the West Orange Texas High School Mustangs…
And that’s a damn fact
CARDINAL 151-0

New Mexico State at Idaho
Have you seen the Idaho Vandal mascot?
He really does look a pedophile out on parole….
I half expect to see him with an ankle tracker…
PISTOL PETE 38-34

Eastern Michigan at Virginia
I don’t mean to be cavalier about my selection here….
CAVALIERS 31-21

Colorado State at Utah
“Two what? What was that word? Two What?”

Click here to view the embedded video.

UAB at Mississippi State
Coach Dan’s Bulldogs have already done some Urban renewal in the Swamp..
Now they are ready for homecoming in Starkville
DAN’S DAWGS 34-10

South Carolina at Vanderbilt
Coach Steve will have his Roosters ready to crow in the Music City
Believe it…
GAMECOCKS 38-17

Texas A&M at Kansas
I would watch this game but I am hosting a Sea Monkeys and Sea Monkey accessory party…
It’s like a Tupperware party except with Sea Monkeys and Sea Monkey accessories.
I did tell you they were natures perfect animal right?
GIG EM AGGIES 28-24

Alabama at Tennessee
It’s the Third Saturday in October….
This is Republicans and Democrats..
Its Cowboys and Indians…
Its oil and water
Except its worse…
CRIMSON TIDE 24-21

North Carolina at Miami
The Heels get Tarred in South Beach….
And “No” it has nothing to do with the BP Oil spill…
HURRICANES 24-21

Georgia at Kentucky
Here is a little lesson in life….
Dawgs tree cats, it’s what they do…
SIC EM DAWGS 34-24

Air Force at Texas Christian
The Mighty Falcons get grounded in Fort Worth…
And it won’t be due to bad weather…
HORNED FROGS 38-17

Washington at Arizona
Didn’t I mention earlier that Dogs tree cats?
I did?
Then this one is easy…
HUSKIES 31-24

Nebraska at Oklahoma State
The Prairie Wind is getting ready to touch the Cowboys in the naughty place…
CORNHUSKERS 28-24

Oklahoma at Missouri
UPSET SPECIAL!
MO Knows Upsets…
I know that because on every episode of the Three Stooges MO looks upset..
MO’S TIGERS 33-28

Texas Tech at Colorado
The Red Raiders saddle up to get back to their winning ways….
At least that’s the plan…
GET THOSE GUNS UP!
RED RAIDERS 28-24

Enjoy Your Games….

RTR

THE CFB WIZARD

Everyone take your seats….
Class is in session

Just relax….
Now is no time to panic…..
It’s only the first week…

Time for a quick review before we move on to this week’s college football picks

The Ohio State Buckeyes are even better than advertised

The Kansas Jayhawks are considering a sponsorship from Hoover Vacuum Cleaner Company, thus allowing Hoover to use the motto:
“Our vacuums suck almost as much as the Kansas Football Team”

The North Carolina Tar Heels don’t have any quit in them…

Jacksonville State Gamecocks (See Above and Congratulations)

Phil Fulmer can still consume an entire 1977 Buick if it’s covered in butter and lard.

The Gator Fans wish Tim had at least another year of eligibility

Since the national pollsters were forced to “break-up” with the Southern California Trojans…..
They have found a “new love” in the Boise State Broncos.

Pam Wards voice made ear’s bleed across the state of Illinois last Saturday

The Ole Miss Rebels are currently searching EBay for a “used or previously owned” time machine.

The once proud Southern California Trojans defense; isn’t.

I still love Stevie Nicks

Lou Holtz can’t pronounce “suffering succotash”….
Without splattering the studio cameras and Mark May with spit.

Kenny Chesney is still the Elton John of country music.

And Lastly Class…..
Saturday’s College Football Games will be played on September 11th….
So let me say this in my deep Southern drawl so you get the message loud and clear.
“Hell No, I won’t ever forget and neither should any of you”

Enjoy your picks…

PRE GAME WARM-UP

Before we move to this week’s games….
I should note your favorite college football prognosticator was 72 and 10 or a substandard 88% for the first week of the season.

Like I said…
This is no time to panic; there is a lot of football to be played, so let’s get to the picks

THE PICKS

Thursday September 9th

Central Michigan at Temple
I wonder if “Chippewa’s” in the Native American language means…
“Two Utes”?
I know, sometimes I think too much…
TWO UTES from Michigan 34-28

Auburn at Mississippi State
No Upset Special here
Bulldog Jim, this one is for you….
DAN’S DAWGS 31-28

Friday September 10th

West Virginia at Marshall
This game is known as…
“The Friends of Coal Bowl” and it is played for the Governors Cup
What this game actually is…..
Is a good fashioned fist fight for instate bragging rights…
And that my friends is more important than anything.
MOUNTAINEERS 31-24

UTEP at Houston
I know El Paso doesn’t have anything to do with what I am about to say…
But is it just me, or if you stare at “UTEP” on the screen…
Does it not start looking like “TWO UTES” after about five minutes?
It’s just me? Ok, then never mind…
COUGARS 43-24

Saturday September 11th

Hawaii at Army
It’s September the 11th and Army will be spoiling for a fight…
Believe it…
BLACK KNIGHTS OF THE HUDSON 33-31

EDITORS NOTE: If the West Point Football Coaching staff can’t motivate the Black Knights to win this game on September 11th, they should all be fired on the spot down to the damn equipment manager.

Garner Webb at Akron
I am still confused as to why Akron has a Kangaroo for a mascot named “Zippy”
It just goes to show you that I have been right all along….
Living in such close proximity to the Arctic Circle causes brain damage.
ZIPPERS 24-17

Juniata at Susquehanna
One of my favorite games of the year….
The two toughest girls from the trailer park square off for bragging rights…
Juniata although well over 300 pounds looks quick as a cat in her pink “Baby Girl” sweat pants, but it does look like she has about fifteen hundred dollars worth of hail damage when seen from the rear.
Then there is Susquehanna…
She is rumored to carry a variety of weaponry in her “over the top” beehive hairdo, to include a sharpened nail file, along with an engine block from a 1967 Oldsmobile and a claw hammer.
This should be a tussle for the ages….
I am going with….
SUSQUEHANNA 2 out of 3 Falls

San Jose State at Wisconsin
Behold the Power of Cheese Whiz
BADGERS 38-10

Illinois State at Northwestern
I am not convinced the Wildcats are for real, but I am sure the Redbirds aren’t
CATS 34-10

Western Illinois at Purdue
“Leather Necks and Boilermakers”….
Sounds like a Saturday night at the Club in Camp Lejeune……
BOILERMAKERS 33-10

Georgia at South Carolina
This game will come down to who has the ball last….
Don’t leave your seats…
GAMECOCKS 24-23

South Dakota at Minnesota
Coyotes and Gophers….
This game sounds like a Loony Tune Cartoon…
O’ so very GOLDEN GOPHERS 24-17

Duke at Wake Forest
“Blue Devils and Demon Deacons”
That sounds like a game of naked Twister at Jimmy Swaggart’s house
DEMON DEACONS 28-17

Georgia Tech at Kansas
It is my understanding, in an effort to “revitalize” the Jay Hawk offense…
They have renamed the starting Kansas backfield “Dorothy and Toto”
Not that it will help in this game…
YELLOW JACKETS 38-10

Texas Southern at Connecticut
The Tigers won’t win this game…
But they do have “The Ocean of Soul Marching Band”
Which doesn’t equate to points, but they are really cool.
HUSKIES 34-10

Florida Atlantic at Michigan State
The Atlantic Owls would play better in this game if they were closer to the ocean..
But unfortunately they are near the Great Lakes, sorry.
SPARTANS 33-13

Indiana State at Cincinnati
I just have to ask…..
What is supposed to be so scary about a bunch of “Sycamores”?
Why not just call them the “Itchy Ivy” or “Poison Sumac”
That would at least frightened some people…
BEARKATS 34-10

Memphis at East Carolina
The Elvis Tigers are playing more like “Velvet Elvis’s” than Tigers
PIRATES 31-17

South Florida at Florida
The Mighty Gators better be ready this Saturday
Coach Holtz and the Boys from Tampa are motivated, and that’s no Bull.
MIGHTY GATORS 31-17

Idaho at Nebraska
You say; “Ida Ho”, I say “Ho Down”…..
CHILDERN OF THE CORN 44-10

South Dakota State at Delaware
I don’t know if a Jackrabbit can beat a Blue Hen…
But we are about to find out…
BLUE HENS 31-27

New Hampshire at Pittsburgh
I didn’t even know the folks in Hampshire played football…
I thought they were more into clubbing baby seals…
Who knew?
PANTHERS 41-10

Old Dominion at Campbell
This game will have for your viewing pleasure….
“Monarchs’ and Fighting Camels”
And the “mascot” for the Fighting Camels is called “Gaylord”
I’m serious….Gaylord the Fighting Camel
Who thinks this crap up?
MONARCHS’ 23-21

James Madison at Virginia Tech
I don’t about Jimmy, but his wife Dolly sure does make some tasty donuts.
HOKIES 43-10

Georgia Southern at Navy
The Eagles of Southern will have the Statesboro Blues by the time this one is over
MIDSHIPMEN 31-21

Eastern Kentucky at Louisville
Charlie’s Cardinal’s will have the Colonels reduced to Lance Corporals by halftime
Believe it….
CARDINALS 38-10

Florida State at Oklahoma
This is going to be a slugfest from start to finish…
Both teams are going to find out what they are made of here.
BOOMER SOONERS 28-24

Michigan at Notre Dame
This game leads me to an age old philosophical question….
Can’t they both lose?
FIGHTING IRISH 33-31

Colorado at California
I wonder if the California Bear mascot is named “Gaylord”
That would be appropriate…
GAYLORDS 3-2

Iowa State at Iowa
This instate rivalry is played each year of the coveted Cy-Hawk Trophy
Which, to the best of my knowledge…..
Will remain at the University of Iowa until Hell freezes over.
HAWKS EYES 33-14

Valdosta State at Newberry
They used to be the “Newberry Indians” but that was demeaned racist by the Nazis at the NCAA..
So now the are the Wolves or something. It’s sad really…
BLAZERS 33-17

Presbyterian at Clemson
I am convinced through my exhaustive research…
That the term “Blue Ho’s” refers to a group of female Smurfs…
Who have fallen on hard times and or who have a drug habit, which is just tragic.
DABO’S TIGERS 38-10

Kent State at Boston College
Every time I hear “Golden Flashes” I think Grandpa escaped from the home and got naked in Wal-Mart (again)
GOLDEN EAGLES 38-10

Miami at Ohio State
The Buckeye defense will smother the Hurricanes
Believe it….
BUCKEYES 34-17

Brigham Young at Air Force
I don’t want to think about the Falcons losing to the folks from Donny and Marie Land.
So I won’t
COUGARS 33-17

UNLV at Utah
Little known fact….
“UNLV” in Latin means…” Duo Adulescens”
Which as we all know means….
TWO UTES 38-10

Morgan State at Maryland
First things first…
Congratulations to the Ninja Turtles for getting the crabs from Navy last week
I only hope you got the proper ointment for them before this week’s game.
NINJA TURTLES 34-13

Ursinus at Franklin Marshall
I wonder if Franklin Marshall ever had a Ursinus infection?
I know I couldn’t help myself…

McNeese State at Missouri
Mo knows how to kick a cowboys butt….
If he doesn’t Curley certainly does…
MO’S TIGERS 34-10

Wyoming at Texas
These Cowboys get stampeded by the runaway Longhorns…
MIGHTY LONGHORNS 34-13

Chattanooga at Jacksonville State
After last Saturday…..
I wouldn’t pick against the Gamecocks if there were playing the New England Patriots
GAMECOCKS 33-28

Montana State at Washington State
I wish I could generate some interest in this game….
But I can’t…
I DON’T CARE AND NEITHER SHOULD YOU 3-2

Toledo at Ohio
The Rockets of Toledo remind me of a pack of wet firecrackers….
FRANK’S BOBCATS 31-10

Louisiana Tech at Texas A&M
These dogs haven’t seen anything like “Reveille” at Kyle Field…
Play the “Aggie War Hymn” all night long….
GIG EM AGGIES 44-17

Louisiana Monroe at Arkansas
Poor ole Monroe, he is getting ready to be introduced too…
An Arkansas Ass Whipping…
RAZORBACKS 43-10

LSU at Vanderbilt
The Music City Commodores will keep this one closer than you might think
HEY FIGHTN’ TIGERS 31-23

Penn State at Alabama
A Classic Rivalry between two historical programs
The memories of these clashes are never far from my mind…
This one will be no different…
CRIMSON TIDE 31-17

Oregon at Tennessee
This game is like trying to pick a winner in a war between Iran and Syria
VOWELS 24-23

Syracuse at Washington
One question: If Otto the Orange drinks orange juice does that make him a cannibal?
Just wondering…
HUSKIES 31-10

Jackson State at Tennessee State
This game has produced some of the greatest legends of the game….
Walter Payton, Coach “Big John” Merritt, Jefferson Street Joe Gilliam and too many others to mention here and I miss them all.
And just for the record….
The Sonic Boom of the South Marching Band isn’t too bad either…
TIGERS 28-24

Troy at Oklahoma State
I believe the Prairie Wind is getting ready to touch Troy in the naughty place.
COWBOY UP! 38-17

North Alabama at Glenville State
The Lions of Florence are the real deal..
Believe it…
MIGHTY LIONS 33-28

Tennessee Tech at Texas Christian
This game is going to be uglier than Rita Rodriguez in a bikini…
HORNED FROGS 44-0

Bowling Green at Tulsa
I still think “Golden Hurricanes” sounds dirty…
HURRICANES OF GOLD 31-24

Puget Sound at Occidental
This is dumb…
Who ever heard of being “Occidental Prone”
If your going to name your school, then at least get it right…
OXYMORONS 17-10

Rice at North Texas
I believe in the power of my favorite pudding…
Sometimes….
RICE PUDDING 27-23

Missouri State at Kansas State
The Missouri bears should have gone into hibernation sooner…
WILDCATS 34-10

Western Kentucky at Kentucky
Another instate battle for supremacy in the Blue Grass…
Not really, I was just trying to hype the game…
JOKER’S CATS 44-10

Southern Illinois at Illinois
This game features two mascots that are hard to pronounce and don’t make any sense…
“Salukis and Fighting Illini”
Which when said together quickly sounds like a fungus…
FIGHTNING PUMPKINS 28-14

Millsaps at LaGrange College
Ronnie Millsaps is playing ZZ Top?
He is blind as a bat…..
I hope he doesn’t get himself killed…
But just writing LaGrange, I can hear Billy Gibbons now…..
HAW HAW HAW 33-10

North Carolina State at Central Florida
This one is a Toss up for me….
But I like the boys from Disney World…
GOLDEN KNIGHTS 28-24

Rutgers at Florida International
Note to the folks at Florida “International”
Just because you have an airport close to your college doesn’t make you “International”
SCARLET KNIGHTS 33-17

UAB at Southern Methodist
The Blazers will be set on fire by the Mighty Mustangs of SMU…
(Thought that one up in a moment of brilliance)
MIGHTY MUSTANGS 34-24

San Diego State at New Mexico State
The Aggies were forced to give up their mascot “Pistol Pete” because he had a foam rubber gun and now they have the ridiculous “Lasso Larry” or some such thing…
The weirdo’s from the left coast thought that the “Aztec” mascot was somehow degrading to a culture that doesn’t exist and that believed in ritual human sacrifice.
At least the alumni at New Mexico State complained….
PISTOL PETE 33-28

Texas Tech at New Mexico
The Lobos take a Low Blow like a Hobo in this Big Show
(I came up with that one all by myself)
GET THOSE GUNS UP! RED RAIDERS! 34-10

Ole Miss at Tulane
Look on the bright side Green Wave fans…
No matter what happens this Saturday
You didn’t lose to Jacksonville State…
REBELS 31-17

Montana at Cal Poly
The Mighty Grizzlies of Montana are for real….
And the folks from Polly…….
Well, they are from California.
GRIZZ 38-10

Northern Arizona at Arizona State
This instate tussle is played for the “Cactus A’ Plenty” Trophy…
Not really, I just made that up…
DEVILS OF THE SUN 38-13

Citadel at Arizona
The Boys from the Military College of South Carolina won’t enjoy their trip out west.
WILDCATS 38-10

Colorado State at Nevada
The Rams let me down last week….
They won’t this week….
WOLFPACK 33-10

Virginia at Southern California
I would rather stare at an Ant Farm for three hours than watch this game…
LAME CHEATERS 7-3

Stanford at UCLA
The History of Hand Puppets is on the Public Access Channel…
Or I would make a real effort to catch this game.
CARDINAL 24-20

Enjoy Your Games….

RTR

THE CFB WIZARD

That’s right it’s your ole buddy Hootie Snitch!

Coming to you from right here in beautiful Baneberry Tennessee!
It’s smack dab in the heart of Volunteer Country!
Go BIG Orange!

I know yawl have been a missing me and a wondering what ole Hootie has been doing!
So kick your shoes off and relax, we got some catching up to do…

First things First….
Before I go talking about my personal life…

I got something I need to talk with yawl about…

Yawl saw that beautiful “Welcome to Baneberry” sign I got on here….
And you probably noticed underneath it a sign about the Baneberry Golf Resort..

Well that is what I want to talk with yawl about…

I am having me a Golf Fundraiser to help fight Hoof and Mouth Disease
It’s a going to be Saturday October 16th (It’s the Vol’s Bye week)

I am doing this to help my Momma who contradicted the disease from a chewing her toenails from being nervous and a wondering if the folks at the International Towing and Recovery Hall of Fame and Museum and Gift shop in Chattanooga Tennessee was going to put her on the ballot this year for the Hall of Fame.

Now here is what you need to know if you want to take part in a worthy cause
And meet the Number One Tennessee Volunteer Fan on the Planet!
By the way…. Autographs and pictures are Free!!!

Yawl need to know that the Baneberry Golf Resort really ain’t a “Golf Resort”
We play Golf on the back forty of Humpy Johnsons farm and instead of them sissy golf carts
we ride four wheelers, Hell Yeah we do!

Some folks have golf clubs and other folks just bring a shotgun to see if they can hit the golf ball in the air. So bring whatever you got….
A damn good time is gonna be had by everybody!

Entry fee is twenty dollars and a 12 pack of beer, preferably Budweiser.
The beer will help keep Humpy Johnson liquored up and keeps him from shooting at us
and the twenty dollars goes to help my Momma with the Hoof and Mouth disease.

I will have some “surprise” celebrities there too!
See yawl there!

Now for the really “Big News”
Them rumors are true…..

I done went and got myself hitched to a local “super-model”…..
It was legal and everything…
We got hitched by an Elvis preacher up there in Gatlinburg to the sounds of “Heartbreak Hotel”
It was about the most romantic thing I ever seen…

Now for those of you that “don’t” know who she is….
The Mrs. James “Hootie” Snitch is none other than “The” Thelma Stroderback who is the famous hand model in them ads for the East Tennessee Tractor Supply and Fertilizer Store.

If you have seen them ads then you have seen my gal’s hands lifting fertilizer bags, and holding a Power Take Off for a Massey Ferguson Tractor and a bunch of other pictures too.

I don’t need to tell you she is drop damn dead good looking, cause she is
And she’s got hands big as a first baseman’s glove.
But I ain’t about to show a picture of her now, no sir, not yet anyway.
And you better believe she is a BIG Tennessee VOL Fan!
Hell yeah!
That just makes us the perfect match!

Guess what else Thelma does?
Go ahead and guess?
She only wrote and sang a country song that went to “Number damn One”
as the most requested song on our Baneberry Country Station for FOUR weeks in a row!
It’s called: “You are one more lie away from me kicking your ass out of the house”

In case some you don’t follow country music; It’s a love song…

We followed up our wedding by having our honeymoon at the famous Baneberry Bed and Breakfast Inn, located just outside the city limits. I am telling you, if you come down here for the Golf Tournament you got to stay there, it ain’t nothing but first class all the way.
Here is a little picture of our “Honeymoon Cabin”….

Now I know the news of my nuptials upsets you lady readers that Ole Hootie is off the market…
And I can almost hear the wailing and crying from here…
But yawl got to understand, this is like Brad Pitt marrying Angelina what’s her name….
We is like two celebrities that was just meant to be together.…

One More piece of News…
I done went and moved “Snitch’s Bar and Grill”
From out of the previously owned double wide trailer and into town in a cinder block building!
Hell yeah I did!

That’s where we had our wedding reception and it was all in Tennessee Orange!
It even matched the outside the building!

But just so’s you know I will be making a name change to the business too
It is going to be called “Scooters” (after my Daddy)

I changed the name cause…
All them NCAA investigators that have poking around the Vols
have been a showing up at my bar looking for information because my place is called Snitch’s….
If you come down here for my Golfing Tournament to help my Momma with the Hoof and Mouth Disease
you can wet your whistle at the “new” Scooters.

Now for the Good Stuff…..

IT’S FOOTBALL TIME IN TENNESSEE!!!!!!

Now I got my own preseason guesses as to how this season is a going to go
and I am a going to give you the business right now.
So you better be ready!

The 2010 Conference Champs

The Big 10

That’s up north and I don’t know what’s big about it unless you’re talking about the women.
So I don’t care…..

The Big 12

Yawl count even worse than them folks in the Big 10 cause you ain’t got 12 teams in your conference,
so I don’t care about yawl neither.

Atlantic Coast of Conference

I drove down to the Atlantic Ocean when I went to the “Cooter Festival” down in South Carolina
It wasn’t nothing to write home about and it smelled like a paper mill.

Conference USA

I never even heard of this one, it sounds made up

The Big East

The east ain’t big…
It’s just a direction on the damn map which makes them sound plain stupid if you ask me.

The Pacific Athletic Conference of Ten

Yawl got Lame Kitten as a coach out there and he is dumber than hell for leaving the Volunteers,
so yawl is dumber than hell for taking him. That’s all I got to say about that..

Plus, Thelma and I agree that Coach Ogeron looks like a Poland China hog going off to market..

The SEC Champs

Let me tell you straight…
The Tennessee Volunteers were only eighteen plays away last year from a National Championship
and we played Alabama down to the damn wire, which kind of makes us Number two in the country, if you know what I mean.
Now that I stated them facts, let me tell you how this is a going to go…

Coach Drooly has them boys in Orange primed and I do mean primed…
For a run at the National Championship this year!

Florida won’t be a problem since Tim what’s his damn face left

Alabama ain’t got nothing and everybody else on the schedule is an easy “W” for the VOLS!

The way I see it, after we beat whoever in Atlanta for the SEC Championship, Hell yeah!

Then we will play somebody that ain’t as good as us and we will be the National Champs!
Hell I can’t wait! It’s going to be AWESOME!

I will answer my emails and have some other stuff out for yawl later….
My woman is a hollering for me, so I got to go…

More later

GO VOLS!

Hootie- Out!

Not that we aren’t thankful, nothing could be further from the truth….

This isn’t about being “Thankful”….
It’s about your “Rival”….
It’s about bragging rights
This is “Us” verses “Them”

It’s the “Lone Star Showdown”
The “Backyard Brawl”
The Border War
The Battle for the Palmetto State
The Battle of the Beehive and Golden Boot
The Egg Bowl
Bedlam and its coveted Bell
It’s about the Commonwealth, Apple and Governor’s Cups
It is about Clean Old Fashioned Hate….
It is The Iron Bowl

These clashes will be told and retold for generations
And the Legends of the fall that come from such games live forever.

Let’s take a look at a few of the games we have in store this week…..

THE LONE STAR SHOWDOWN

Texas Longhorns – Texas A&M Aggies

The Name alone says it all….
It’s “Gig Em Aggies!” verses “Hook Em Horns!”
These two fine University’s students, fans and alumni hate each other with a passion.

Case in point, a few years ago Texas A&M produced their fall catalog of classes and otherwise promoting the university
and all it’s fine accomplishments as well as to encourage prospective students to attend the university in College Station Texas.
On the cover of the fall catalog was a collage of pictures of campus life at Texas A&M, from students studying outside, walking to class, football games at Kyle Field, two students with goggles studying in the chemistry lab, but one picture on the cover was “different”.
In one picture a young lady in the Aggie Marching Band was playing the flute.
She had her hands in such a way while playing a particular note on the instrument
that it appeared she was making the “Hook Em Horns” sign.

Please see the example of the proper “Hook Em Horns” sign below delivered by my buddy Matthew McConaughey.

This incensed the Aggie Alumni and they demanded the Catalogs, which had already been distributed by the way,
be recalled and a “new” edition reprinted without the accursed picture on it.

Cost to print and distribute Fall Catalogs: 1.3 Million Dollars
Coast to recall the catalogs, reprint and redistribute Fall Catalogs: 5.6 Million Dollars
The enjoyment Longhorn Fans had from this fiasco: Priceless

Enjoy the short video that has nothing to do with the above story,
but is further evidence of the hate and discontent the Aggies have……
for the Mighty Longhorns from the University of Texas at Austin.

Click here to view the embedded video.

THE BORDER WAR

Missouri Tigers – Kansas Jayhawks

These two states have hated each other since Bill Quantrill burned Lawrence Kansas to the ground…
and even before that, there were hard feelings and hate.

The feelings are mutual and have festered over the years.

I know a number of Missourians who will correct me when I ask them…
“Isn’t Kansas the Sunflower State?”
They will politely tell me there are “Three kinds of Sun’s in Kansas”
Sunshine
Sunflowers
And
Sons of…you can figure out the rest of that on your own.

THE BACKYARD BRAWL

Pittsburg Panthers – West Virginia Mountaineers

This rivalry isn’t as intense as it once was….
But it is still filled with disgruntled fans from what was once “Steel Town” all the way
to the beautiful mountains of West “By God” Virginia.

Not only is this a rivalry for the ages in this particular part of the country, but as a side note,
You have to respect anybody like the Mountaineer faithful
who are willing to burn their “own” couch in their front yard after a win over a hated foe.

THE EGG BOWL

Mississippi State Bulldogs – Ole Miss Rebels

If you are looking for hate, passion and discontent that has no expiration date then look no further than the “Egg Bowl”.

In the Great State of Mississippi with poultry the current king of agriculture….
the Egg Bowl takes center stage this weekend and the rivalry has never been more intense, if that’s possible.

There will be harsh words, fights and more fights…….
and that’s just in the parking lot before the game. Make no mistake, this game is intense and emotions are raw.

BATTLE FOR THE GOLDEN BOOT

LSU Tigers – Arkansas Razorbacks

These two states, schools, fans, and alumni hate each other, period.
They have been playing for the four foot “Golden Boot” Trophy since 1901
But trophy or no trophy, they just hate each other.
Case in point, two years ago when the LSU Tigers won the 2007 National Championship……
there was a popular bumper sticker seen throughout Arkansas that I thoroughly enjoyed.
It read…..

ARKANSAS RAZORBACKS 50
National Champion LSU Tigers 48

Priceless……

THE APPLE CUP

Washington Huskies – Washington State Cougars

I know this is “Big” deal in the State of Washington….
But let me clue you all on in a little secret…..
If your rivalry game has either a fruit or flower in the name
Then it’s not that big a deal outside your own state…
Sorry..

SUNSHINE STATE SHOWDOWN FOR THE GOVERNORS CUP

Florida Gators – Florida State Seminoles

I know, I know….
This is a relatively new rivalry as rivalries go; it began in 1958, when Coach Bobby was only 61 years “young”.
But this game is no less intense than older more established rivalries.
The Gator Nation hates the Seminole Nation and all they stand for and vice versa.

There have been some of the finest college football players to ever lace the cleats to play in this rivalry.
But I think this game can be summed up best by Coach Bobby himself when he said recently….
“You know when Ponce de Leon showed me the fountain of youth he told me watch out for Gators.”

How true, how true….

THE COMMONWEALTH CUP

Virginia Tech Hokies – Virginia Cavaliers

This fierce rivalry in the Old Dominion would mean more to me……
If I could remember the last time the Cavaliers won, but I can’t.

So it doesn’t it.

THE BEDLAM GAME

Oklahoma Sooners – Oklahoma State Cowboys

These two teams were playing each other before Oklahoma was even a state.
It’s Stillwater and the Cowboys verses the mighty Sooners of Norman.
They despise each other with a passion that can only instate rivals can appreciate.
They have accused each other of various dirty tricks over the years……..
From giving tainted food with laxatives to Sooner players to slow them down..(I’m serious….)
To wetting the field to slow down the likes of Barry Sanders….(I’m really serious…)
Throw the records out the window in this one; it’s always a battle for the ages.

CLEAN OLD FASHIONED HATE

Georgia Bulldogs – Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets

There are few games that garner more hard feelings than this game between these two bitter instate rivals…..
hence the name of the game, in case you missed it.
The fans of the respective schools can’t agree on anything and disagree about everything.
They can’t even agree on how many times they have played the series.
But suffice to say this war has been going on since 1893, that’s right I said 1893.

This rivalry can best be summed up by the beloved Southern writer and University of Georgia Graduate Lewis Grizzard…
When reporting for the Atlanta Journal Constitution; Lewis left his entire column empty……
The day after the Yellow Jackets defeated his Bulldogs. One whole section in the Paper, blank.

The hard feelings in this one last forever…

BATTLE OF THE PALMETTO STATE

Clemson Tigers – South Carolina Gamecocks

You want a long standing rivalry?
This one has been going off and on since the 1880’s….
But the game itself is the longest standing uninterrupted series in the South.

There have been brawls, fights and riots since this series began
and it’s no less intense now with Coach Steve at the helm of the Gamecocks and Coach Sweeny with the Tigers.

This is one of those rivalries that transcend time and space.
No matter where you go in the world if you are a Gamecock or a Tiger
you carry this feeling with you going into this week, that cannot be defined or described.
It’s about beating “Them”, and being able to enjoy that win for the next year.

That my friends; is what a rivalry is all about.

THE IRON BOWL

Alabama Crimson Tide – Auburn Tigers

In the immortal words of Keith Jackson the voice of college football now and forever.

“There are rivalries and there are rivalries and then there is Alabama and Auburn”

This kind of Hate deserves its own section; The Iron Bowl edition will be out tomorrow.

So Stay tuned…
There is more hate and discontent to come..
Your Thanksgiving Edition of the Picks will be out soon….

RTR
MEB

While Coach Pete and the Southern California Trojans are singing MC Hammer songs
and trying to determine if they are “Too Legit to Quit”, the rest of us will roll into the Week 12 Picks.

But before we do I need to mention….
Last week your Favorite College Football Prognosticator…
was a substandard 39 and 15 or a rather lowly 72%. That leaves us at 492 and 136 or 78% for the season.

We have some bitter rivalries to discuss and the opening round of the Division II Playoffs
So let’s get to it shall we?

Coach Pete, “You can’t touch this”

Enjoy your games!

Wednesday November 18th

Central Michigan at Ball State
I don’t know if you’ve noticed this but….
When Lou Holtz says “Chippewa’s” he sounds just like Sylvester the Cat
CHIPPEWA’S 33-21

Buffalo at Miami (OH)
The Redskins have disappointed me all year, tonight will be no exception
And that my friends is “No Bull”
BULLS 34-13

Thursday November 19th

Colorado at Oklahoma State
In Stillwater they have a little saying: “Buffalo”….
The “other” white meat
COWBOY UP! 33-14

Friday November 20th

Akron at Bowling Green
Another I-75 Battle in the Buckeye state….
Falcons Zip the Zip’s……
FALCONS 31-28

Boise State at Utah State
The Bronco’s are on their way to an undefeated season….
Just like I said they would…
No need to thank me Boise Fans…
It’s how I roll….
BRONCOS 38-17

Saturday November 20th

Florida International at Florida
If “International’s” football team was a musical group they would be Menudo.
MIGHTY GATORS 38-14

Kansas at Texas
I hate to be the one to tell you this…
But Dorothy, you aren’t in Kansas anymore…
MIGHTY LONGHORNS 34-17

Chattanooga at Alabama
I was very proud of the Moccasins come from behind win last week
But this week, the Tide is Rolling and Rolling and Rolling…
CRIMSON TIDE 45-10

LSU at Ole Miss
This game is going to be a slobber knocker from start to finish
Believe it
HEY FIGHTN’ TIGERS 24-23

Arkansas Tech at North Alabama
The “Wonder Boys” from Tech are going to “wonder”…..
what the hell they were thinking playing the mighty Lions of Florence in the first round of the Division II Playoffs.
FLORENCE LIONS 33-24

Citadel at Georgia Southern
The Bulldogs lost a sizeable lead to the Mighty Moccasins last Saturday
and they will get a terminal case of the Statesboro Blues this week…
Sounds like the beginning of a country song….
Just add train sounds…
EAGLES 34-24

North Carolina State at Virginia Tech
It’s too close to Thanksgiving “Not” to pick the Turkey’s
HOKIES 34-17

Oklahoma at Texas Tech
The Mighty Sooners are going to have their hands full this weekend….
And so will the Red Raiders…..
This one is going to be close….
Real close….
BOOMER SOONERS 31-28

West Alabama at Carson Newman
Another first round Division II Playoff Matchup….
The Tigers aren’t ready for the Boy’s from Jefferson City..
SPARKS EAGLES 33-28

Ohio State at Michigan
The title alone says it all….
There are few games that garner more hate and discontent…
These two bitter rivals hate each other 365 days a year….
Between these two states, there is nothing more important…
MIGHTY BUCKEYES 31-17

Memphis at Houston
My Cougars have dropped the ball as of late…
(No Pun intended…)
But I still believe…..
COUGARS 34-17

Minnesota at Iowa
This Big Ten Battle is played for the coveted “Floyd of Rosedale”
If you are wondering what that actually is, it’s a Bronze Pig statue, ok?
Which makes absolutely no sense to me..
EYES OF THE HAWK 33-14

Harvard at Yale
A classic matchup that absolutely nobody cares about…
Including me..

Penn State at Michigan State
This Big Ten Battle is called “The Battle of the Land Grants”
And it is played for the “Land Grant Trophy”
No, I didn’t make this up…..
I wish it was called “The Battle of the Foster Grants”
And the winner got some cool sunglasses….
JOE PA’S LIONS 24-20

Oregon at Arizona
The Wildcats are undefeated at home in the desert this year….
But the Quacks are on the attack….
If you don’t think so…
Just ask Coach Pete how his quacker is doing?
QUACK ATTACK 33-31

Duke at Miami (FL)
The Blue Devils are doing better than they did last year…
Which is like saying..
Kenny Chesney doesn’t act as gay as he used too..
HURRICANES 34-14

Kentucky at Georgia
The Dawgs will tree the cats between the hedges and leave them blue.
HUNKER DOWN DAWGS! 38-21

Kansas State at Nebraska
The Wildcats got spanked by MO’s Tigers last Saturday…
The Children of the Corn get medieval on the Cats this weekend…
HUSKY’S OF THE CORN 28-14

California at Stanford
This PAC 10 Rivalry is called “The Big Game”
They play it each year for the “Stanford Ax”
If you think I am going against the Tree, you would be wrong.
CARDINAL 43-38

Mississippi State at Arkansas
The Bulldogs are tough and getting tougher…..
But the Hogs are hitting their stride…..
RAZORBACKS 31-14

Arizona State at UCLA
The hopes of the Devils from the Valley of the Sun….
Will melt in Pasadena like a Hershey Bar on a dash board of a truck in Dallas on July 4th
BRUINS 24-17

Maryland at Florida State
There is some good news and some bad news for Coach Bobby this weekend
The “Good News” is that the Seminoles will win this weekend…
The “Bad News” is Coach Bobby believes the Japanese just bombed Pearl Harbor
and will spend the entire game hiding in a bunker near the stadium.
SEMI-NOLES 38-17

Louisville at South Florida
Here is how this works…
The Cardinals just sneaked by Otto the Orange last Saturday in the Ville…
The Bulls were embarrassed in Jersey
The Boys from Tampa rebound against Coach K. this week..
NO BULL 33-14

Wisconsin at Northwestern
Another Big Ten Battle this week and you know what that means…
Yes! Another rivalry game for a trophy!
This game between these two magnificent schools is played for….
“The Magnificent Marsupial Trophy”
I know it sounds important, but it looks like a stuffed possum.
HEADS OF CHEESE 33-31

Purdue at Indiana
This Big Ten Matchup and instate rivalry is played for…..
“The Old Oaken Bucket”
As opposed to…..
“The Semi-new recyclable plastic environmentally friendly repository of Hope”
BOILERMAKERS 28-24

North Carolina at Boston College
The Boys from Chestnut Hill have a problem this weekend….
The Heels of Tar are rolling into town….
It’s like an Oil Spill, except you get your ass kicked in the process.
TAR HEELS 28-13

Iowa State at Missouri
In the Name of Jesse James I will not doubt MO’s Tigers again…
I said that this week and I intend on keeping my word…
MO’S TIGERS 31-27

Rutgers at Syracuse
Now that I know that Tony Soprano is “working” the games for the Scarlett Knights..
This one is an easy pick…
After all, I certainly don’t want to anger my Italian American friends in Jersey..
I might want to go back to Atlantic City one day..
And return in one piece…
SCARLETT KNIGHTS 34-10

Virginia at Clemson
The Boys from Charlottesville play less like “Cavaliers”
And more like midgets on miniature ponies, with little sombreros and chaps
DABO’S TIGERS 33-14

Oregon State at Washington State
Much like Coach Riley……
I am all about the Beavers…..
MIGHTY BEAVERS 43-10

Vanderbilt at Tennessee
There is no truth to the rumor…..
That the latest Volunteer player arrested for shop lifting was in a disguise
therefore it took nearly two weeks for the police to release the report.
In fact he was wearing his football jersey with his name on the back while committing the crime,
the Tennessee Athletic Administration was just trying to keep it a “secret” like they used too.
Glad I could clear that up for everyone…
VOWELS 24-14

Wofford at Furman
This game will be a Battle between two of Chewbacca’s Kids
I just hope nobody gets a hairball….
FURRYMAN 23-17

Kent State at Temple
I’m sorry but every time I hear anything about the “Golden Flashes”
I get a visual image of naked people at the nursing home
HOOT OWLS 24-17

Texas Christian at Wyoming
The Horned Amphibians from Cow Town destroyed the two Ute’s last week…
They will stick the cowboys this Saturday….
Cowboy down
HORNED FROGS 34-14

Tulane at Central Florida
Neither of these teams has a personality…..
Sort of like my sister-in-law
Minus the one foot that looks like a hoof…
the hump on the back, the horns, I mean “calcium deposits”…
but other than that they are almost exactly alike.
GOLDEN KNIGHTS 24-21

Connecticut at Notre Dame
Even a win over the Huskies won’t save Coach Charlie’s job….
But the good news is that Gerry Faust is available..
So, it’s like a “win-win”
FIGHTN’ IRISH 33-23

Air Force at Brigham Young
The Cougars are tough to beat in Provo…
But these Falcons Aim High…
FALCONS 33-28

UAB at East Carolina
What’s the deal with the “Blazers” of Birmingham having a “Dragon” as a mascot?
The only “Dragon” I ever saw in Alabama was when I went on this blind date once..
Never mind, I don’t want to talk about it…
PIRATES 31-28

Texas El Paso at Rice
My favorite pudding gets pounded by the semi-mighty miners…
Believe it…
MINERS 43-10

Baylor at Texas A&M
Let’s be honest here….
Neither of these teams are worthy of a bid to the “Vienna Sausage Bowl”
That says it all…
GIG EM AGGIES 38-34

Army at North Texas
I love Denton Texas, but I don’t have a clue to what a “Mean Green” is…
Unless it’s a kitchen cleanser
Why would you name your team after some thing like that?
What’s next, “The Blistering Bleach”?
BLACK KNIGHTS OF THE HUDSON 24-23

San Diego State at Utah
So these two Aztec Ute’s were on their way to a ritual human sacrifice at the temple of the sun God….
Stop me if you’ve heard it…
TWO UTES 43-14

Southern Methodist at Marshall
I do love the folks in Huntington, and the Thundering Herd…
But they are playing against…
THE MIGHTY MUSTANGS 33-24

Colorado State at New Mexico
The winner of this game does get a bid to the “Vienna Sausage Bowl”
Yeah, this game is “that” important..
LOBOS 24-23

Tulsa at Southern Miss
After last week, were I actually doubted the Golden Eagles…
Well, I learned my lesson…
I can’t have my home folks mad at me…
GOLDEN EAGLES 28-24

Hawaii at San Jose State
Wouldn’t you know it….
The “new” season of “Dog the Bounty Hunter” is starting and I am stuck
in Two Buck Tim…
Sometimes, life just isn’t fair…
WARRIORS doing the electric slide over RAINBOWS 24-21

Nevada at New Mexico State
The Pack of Wolves has one of the finest running backs in the nation…
and the Aggies have “Lasso Pete” as a mascot….
Yeah, this one is easy…
WOLFPACK 34-10

Enjoy your weekend and your games

Stay tuned…
There is more to come..

RTR
MEB

What a week it was…
Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator was a rather amazing 42 and 10 last week or 81%
and that leaves us at 411 and 107 or 79% for the season.

But enough self adulation, this week we have “even” more Big Ten games….
Played for a variety of trophy’s and valued memorabilia and the tussle in T-Town.

Later in the week we will discuss the Bowl Championship Committee…
Which is actually not a committee at all, but a room full of chimpanzees
wired up on Red Bull and sugar throwing poop at college football teams listed on a wall chart.

More on this “detailed process” as it has been described in the media later in the week.

We have some games to discuss…

Enjoy your picks!

Thursday November 5th

Virginia Tech at East Carolina
I know, I haven’t hit a game with the Hokey’s in a couple of weeks….
But I have on “good authority” that Lou Holtz is going to be the “guest” Mascot this week.
Get your Gobble on Lou…..
MIGHTY TURKEYS 31-10

Miami (OH) at Temple
Believe it or not (and I ‘m not sure that I do…)
The Owls of Temple are on the verge of their first bowl game since 1979….
That’s enough motivation for anybody…
HOOT OWLS 24-17

Friday November 6th

Boise State at Louisiana Tech
Have I mentioned lately that I picked the Broncos to finish the season undefeated?
Enough said….
BRONCOS 34-17

Saturday November 7th

Vanderbilt at Florida
This game reminds me of the old saying……
“If you love something, let it go….
If it doesn’t come back then the alligator must have eaten it’s ass up”
At least that’s what they say on the bayou…
MIGHTY GATORS 38-10

Central Florida at Texas
Before this one is over the Golden Knights will wish
they jousted with midgets on burros instead of trying to stop the stampeding Longhorns.
Which as a side note…
Midgets jousting on burros screams pay-per-view to me….
especially if they are wearing sombreros
MIGHTY MIGHTY LONGHORNS 44-10

LSU at Alabama
The Tussle in T-Town…
A classic matchup that will be a fight until the final whistle blows…
Don’t blink…
CRIMSON TIDE 20-17

Northern Arizona at Ole Miss
SOoooooooo the “Chancellor” in Oxford stated this week that “He” will remove the Rebel fight song
if the students continue to chant “The South will rise again…” at football games.
Here is a little hint….
You got a jackass running a university that doesn’t understand college students…
Because even I know you don’t “threaten” a bunch of college kids….
Stand by Dumbass….
REBELS 43-17

Chattanooga at Appalachian State
UPSET SPECIAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The Mountaineers are going down with a moccasin sticking out of their butt.
Sorry for the visual….
MOCCASINS 28-24

Ohio State at Penn State
This game will be and ole fashion slug fest from start to finish……
I think the Buckeyes will win a close one…
but I have a feeling that Joe Pa has something up his sleeve, or hidden in his hair, or behind his glasses…
You get the picture….
JOE PA’S LIONS 23-21

Tusculum at Carson Newman
When I had the “Kangaroo Flu” recently, I think I coughed up a Tusculum…
It was disgusting…
SPARKS EAGLES 33-14

Oregon State at California
Beaver Jim, I wish I had better news for you…..
GOLDEN BEARS 33-24

Virginia at Miami (FL)
Here’s how this game works….
The Cavaliers lost to the Duke Blue Devils last week…
Enough said….
HURRICANES 152-0

Oklahoma at Nebraska
This game isn’t the marquee game that it once was…..
But it doesn’t mean they don’t hate each other with a passion…
I like that in a football game…
BOOMER SOONERS 28-17

Henderson State at Ouachita Baptist
Little known fact about the Ouachita Baptist denomination…
They don’t have their own “Theme Park”….
Unlike a few other denominations I could mention…
FIGHTN’ BAPTIST 33-10

Connecticut at Cincinnati
The Huskies are playing more like anorexic Chihuahuas
BEARKATS 33-17

Oklahoma State at Iowa State
This game is played each year for the “Telephone Trophy”…..
I’m not making that up…
The Cowboys will lasso this Cyclones….
I saw it once in a movie called “Tall Tales”
It was “based” on fact….
COWBOY UP! 31-21

Florida State at Clemson
No Bowden Bowl this year….
Just and ole fashioned Tiger ass whipping…..
DABO’S TIGERS 33-28

Kansas at Kansas State
This instate rivalry is called “The Sunflower Showdown”
It’s played each year for the coveted Governors Cup
Anytime you have a rivalry game that has the word “Flower” in it……
it’s just not that big a deal outside your own state, it’s a rule.
HAWKS of JAY 34-17

Tennessee Tech at Georgia
The Eagles have the same chance of winning this game between the hedges
as Kenny Chesney does of discovering his heterosexuality.
In case you are keeping score, that would be slim and none.
HUNKER DOWN BULLDOGS 43-10

Wofford at Citadel
Sure it’s cool that Chewbacca has his own college…..
but the military of college of South Carolina’s Dogs will take a bite out of his hairy butt.
CAROLINA’S BULLDOGS 31-17

Duke at North Carolina
This battle on Tobacco Road is played for the “Victory Bell”
Which hasn’t seen the Blue Devil campus since Coach Steve was there….
That trend continues on Saturday…
TAR HEELS 24-17

Purdue at Michigan
This Big Ten matchup can only mean one thing….
You guessed it, another “rivalry trophy”
This game is played annually for the coveted “Sphincter Cannon”
If I were you, I would stay away from that thing when they fire it…
WOLVERINES 24-23

Washington at UCLA
I still believe in the Power of the Huskies….
At least this week I do….
HUSKIES 23-17

Hofstra at Delaware
Did you know when Lou Holtz says “Hofstra”…..
Mark May has to wear a dental shield to keep from getting sprayed in the face with spit.
Just thought you should know.
BLUE HENS 24-14

Furman at Auburn
Just for the record “Furry Man” is not a reference to my sister-in-law in a tube top.
If it was, it would be called “Run for your life! It’s a Yeti in damn tube top!”
I kind of made myself sick just thinking about it…
WAR DAMN EAGLES 43-14

Georgia Southern at Samford
That Fred Samford cracks me up with that whole shtick
“This is big one! I’m coming to see you Elizabeth”.
I don’t know what that has to do with this game.
I just thought I would mention it.
STATESBORO EAGLES 24-13

South Carolina at Arkansas
This game should be called the Schizophrenic Bowl
Because you don’t know which team is going to show up for the game…
RAZORBACKS 33-28

Oregon at Stanford
Quack, Quack…..Quack, Quack…..Quack
ATTACK!
(I think that’s how it goes; I’ll ask Coach Pete, he should know…)
QUACKERS 34-24

Texas A&M at Colorado
Talk about your Schizophrenia
Neither of these teams has established anything that resembles an identity…
Other than they both have had the hell beat out of them by the Longhorns..
No wait, I am about two weeks ahead on that prediction for the Aggies, sorry.
GIG EM AGGIES 24-20

Wake Forest at Georgia Tech
Even Jimmy Swaggart won’t be able help the Demon Deacons this week, but he will go on a crying jag.
Which is nice…
YELLOW JACKETS 33-14

Wisconsin at Indiana
Just what we needed
Another Big Ten “rivalry” game!
This game between these two stalwarts of the conference…..
Is played each year for the coveted “Piñata of Meat”, which if I’m not mistaken is filled with “Pork by-products”.
This also may explain why there are no Muslims on the respective teams.
CHEESE BADGERS 31-17

Eastern Kentucky at Kentucky
The Colonels will be reduced to Privates before halftime, believe it.
BIG BLUE WILDCATS 38-14

West Alabama at North Alabama
This Heart of Dixie Battle between West and North will go to the Roaring Lions..
You can take this pick to the bank
MIGHTY LIONS 34-10

Western Michigan at Michigan State
The Bronco’s are going to get spanked by Sparky…
Which is kind of a weird visual, I’m sorry about that
SPARTANS 34-17

Illinois at Minnesota
This storied Big Ten rivalry is played for the “Petrified Polar Bear Turd”
This is further evidence that both states are located ten miles from the Arctic Circle
FIGHT’N PUMKINS 33-24

Baylor at Missouri
MO knows Bear taming….
Need I say more?
MO’S TIGERS 31-17

Maryland at North Carolina State
I would watch this game but VH1 “Behind the Music” is having a special
On whatever happened to the cast of “Break’n 2 Electric Boogaloo”
I wonder if they are still “Pop’n and Lock’n”?
WOLFPACK 23-17

Syracuse at Pittsburgh
The Panthers are going to claw Otto the Orange to a pulp…
Thought that up myself…
PANTHERS 34-14

Louisville at West Virginia
This game isn’t what it once was…..
But it will end with couches burning into the Morgantown night….
Light Em if you got Em!
MOUNTAINEERS 28-17

Northwestern at Iowa
I love these Big Ten games….
Almost each and every game is played for “something” important
This game is certainly no different..
The rivalry between these two schools is played each year for the
“Snow Globe of Beef Jerky”
I shudder to think where they came up with the idea for this “trophy”
EYES of the HAWK 33-21

Memphis at Tennessee
This volunteer instate rivalry is played “every so often” as the media guide described for
“The Tennessee Cousin Bucket of Lovin”
They further state in the media guide….
“Don’t knock it if you haven’t tried it…”
VOWELS 43-10

Brigham Young at Wyoming
Cowboy Down……
BRIGHAM’S COUGARS 31-10

Navy at Notre Dame
This game has two of the oddest mascots in college football..
A Goat and a Leprechaun….
Now, if they would let the Leprechaun ride the goat THEN I would watch it..
FIGHTN’ IRISH 34-24

Rice at Southern Methodist
My favorite pudding isn’t ready for the wild ponies….
MIGHTY MUSTANGS 38-17

Army at Air Force
The next to final game for the “Presidents Cup”…..
Aim High
FALCONS 28-14

Kent State at Akron
A game between “Zippy” and the “Golden Flashes”….
Sounds like the making of a Gay Pride Parade…
ZIPPY 23-17

Texas El Paso at Tulane
This rough season has reduced the Green Wave to chartreuse trickle
MINERS 34-17

Texas Christian at San Diego State
Have I mentioned lately that I picked the horned amphibians to go undefeated this year?
I know that I “mentioned it”, I was just bragging..
Sorry…….
HORNED FROGS 33-10

Worchester Tech at Susquehanna
This game really puts me in a quandary..
On one hand I love Worchester sauce and I think it’s cool that have a college for that..
But on the other hand I know Susie will threaten to whip my ass if I don’t pick her..
I won’t be intimidated..
SUSIE 23-17

Fresno State at Idaho
I wonder whatever happened to Mister Potato Head’s kids, Ida and Spud.
I hope he kept his eye on them….
Yeah, thought that up myself too.
BULLDOGS 31-28

Washington State at Arizona
I would watch this game this game
But QVC is going to have a sale on their “Rhesus Monkey Dentist Kits”.
Before you ask, “No”, I don’t have a monkey.
I just want to watch the demo
WILDCATS 24-17

New Mexico at Utah
This game highlights Ute’s and Lobos….
Sounds like a Disney Movie…
TWO UTES 34-17

Houston at Tulsa
Speaking of movies….
Is it just me, or did you want to see Apollo Creed in Apollo 13?
Never mind, it’s just me.
COUGARS 38-23

Southern California at Arizona State
Hey Pete, you want a Quacker?
That never gets old for me…
TROJAN$ 6-3

Utah State at Hawaii
This game only serves to remind me that I am missing “Dog the Bounty Hunter”
Damn it…
WARRIORS Pop’n and Lock’n on RAINBOWS 31-24

Sunday November 8th

Nevada at San Jose State
Poor Jose…..
He is going to get beaten like a rented Burro….
As a side note…
This pick is much funnier when spoken out loud with a Mexican accent.
WOLFPACK 33-17

Enjoy your games and have a Great Weekend
More next week, so stay tuned…

RTR
MEB

I come to you this week from the confines of the Death Star…
As one of only a dozen Americans left here I wanted to share
Some observations you may be interested in…

The Storm Trooper outfits are surprisingly comfortable
Darth Vader isn’t as tall as I thought he would be….
Yoda from behind looks like a taxi cab with the doors open.
A small green taxi cab, but a taxi cab nonetheless.

But it’s like the “green guy” told me this past week…
“Write the picks you must, disappoint the fans you cannot”

My intergalactic transfer may explain my drop in numbers this past week….
Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator was a rather lousy 40 and 13 or 75%
and overall I stand at 329 and 88 or a subpar 79%.

But this is no time to look back because it is the Third Saturday in October.

And simply put, that means War.

Enjoy your picks!

Thursday October 22nd

Southern Arkansas at Delta State
They say people fall into two categories
Some people are “Dog” people, others are “Cat” people
Me? I’m an Okra man
FIGHTN” OKRA 24-14

North Alabama at Valdosta State
I know a lot of folks in south Georgia love their Blazers from Title Town..
But this is the year of the Lion..
MIGHTY LIONS 34-21

Florida State at North Carolina
UPSET SPECIAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Coach Bobby gets back on track this week..
That is if he is awake from his nap in time…
SEMI-NOLES 28-17

Friday October 23rd

Rutgers at Army
The Black Knights of the Hudson have befuddled me all year
I pick them to Win and they can’t kick a 20 yard field goal…

EDITORS NOTE: This may explain their inability to hit a stationary target with artillery.
But that is another story for another time…

I pick them to Lose and they beat Vanderbilt…
What gives?
If you guys could confuse the enemy as well as you confuse me we would have wrapped the war up five years ago…
SCARLETT KNIGHTS 34-17

Lane at Stillman
You don’t really care about this game do you?
I didn’t think so…

Saturday October 24th

Florida at Mississippi State
The Bully Dogs will keep it close…
But I am convinced Superman really does wear number 15.
MIGHTY GATORS 28-14

Texas at Missouri
MO may know football….
But he doesn’t know jack squat about stampedes…
Light the Tower…
LONGHORNS 31-17

Tennessee at Alabama
This game is Democrats and Republicans
Cowboys and Indians
Oil and Water
Jews and Arabs
Except it’s worse…
CRIMSON TIDE 24-17

Juniata at Moravian
I have no idea what this Mexican kid is thinking..
Ever since she had a “bad experience” at the Beauty Shop
Juanita has been in a bad mood and spoiling for a fight…
JUANITA 24-10

Penn State at Michigan
I have on good authority if Coach Rod’s wife attempt’s to “Ugly” the Lion’s into submission
(Which she is more than capable of by the way)
Joe Pa will melt her like the wicked witch of the west with the powerful magnification of his reading glasses.
Go ahead, Dare him too.
JOE PA’S LIONS 33-28

Brevard College at Carson Newman
I knew a rich kid when I was in school named Brevard..
He was a booger eater…
Sorry for the visual
SPARKS EAGLES 38-10

Arkansas at Ole Miss
For the folks from Oxford
All that National Championship and Heisman Trophy talk seems kind of silly now, doesn’t it?
RAZORBACKS 34-17

Chattanooga at Elon
I was told Moccasin Bend is the Mental Heath Hospital on the Tennessee River.
Does that make the Moccasins crazy?
Yes, Crazy Good!
MOCCASINS 28-24

Washington State at California
You want to know what I find interesting about this game?
Nothing…
BEARS 3-2

Oklahoma at Kansas
Coach Stoops should have started Bradford later than sooner.
But I still have faith in the Mighty Sooners…
BOOMER SOONERS 31-17

Georgia Tech at Virginia
This game is going to be uglier than when we trim my sister-in-law’s foot that looks like a hoof.
And that is really saying something…
YELLOW JACKETS 43-10

Georgia Southern at Appalachian State
This game will be a battle from start to finish….
Believe it…
MOUNTAINEER’S 33-28

Oklahoma State at Baylor
The Baylor School of Medicine is one of the finest in the country.
I suspect they will need it when this is over…
COWBOY UP! 38-10

Louisville at Cincinnati
The Game is played annually for the Bucket of Nails..
That’s ironic…
Because this game will be the final nail in Coach K’s career at the Ville.
BEARKATS 34-17

Virginia Military Institute at Presbyterian
The weather is turning colder in the South…
So I have to go with..
BLUE HO’S 23-17

Iowa State at Nebraska
I know what you are thinking…
Last week I picked the Huskers to win and they lost…
I picked the Cyclones to lose and they won…
I won’t miss this week..
Believe it
HUSKERS 24-17

Clemson at Miami
UPSET SPECIAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Call me crazy if you want too…
It’s nothing I haven’t heard from “so called” mental health professionals
DABO’S TIGERS 24-21

EDITORS NOTE: Is it my fault all those ink pictures look like midgets riding possums with wings?
I think I made my point..

Ursinus at McDaniel College
This may not come as a surprise to many of you..
I was the kid in school that always got in trouble for laughing
When the teacher talked about the planet “Uranus…”
I don’t care who you are that’s just a funny word…
Forget I mentioned it…
URANUS 23-17

Louisiana Monroe at Kentucky
Unless I missed something here…
I think Monroe has a Kentucky ass whipping coming to him…
BIG BLUE CATS 38-14

Maryland at Duke
Last Night it was erroneously reported the Blue Devils had a “Big” Pep Rally in honor of this game.
I would like to clear up that misunderstanding for you readers.
Unfortunately the Pep Rally was for the “Math-a-maniacs” team, not the football team.
Sorry…
NINJA TURTLES 28-23

Wartburg at Dubuque
To be honest here
Warts make me want to Dubuque

Akron at Syracuse
Just for the record….
I still think Otto the Orange may be Fat Phil Fulmer…
Except slimmer…O’ ORANGE 31-24

South Florida at Pittsburgh
I wish this were an upset special….
But it won’t be….
And that’s No Bull..
PANTHERS 33-21

Oregon at Washington
Call it Prognosticators Intuition….
UPSET SPECIAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HUSKIES 23-21

Connecticut at West Virginia
You want to know what “victory” smells like in Morgantown.
Burning Couches…
Light em if you got em!
MOUNTAINEERS 33-17

Colorado at Kansas State
They should title this game “The Sybil Bowl”
Between these two teams there have to be at least a half-dozen personalities
WILDCATS 24-20

Illinois at Purdue
You know what Big Ten games mean right?
That’s right, another Big Rivalry for a Trophy!
This game is played for the “Purdue Cannon”
But more important…
The winner of this game…
Has the inside track on the Vienna Sausage Bowl in Dahlonega Georgia.
BOILERMAKERS 27-23

Vanderbilt at South Carolina
The Commodores are down and Steve’s Boys are destined to rebound….
GAMECOCKS 34-14

Texas A&M at Texas Tech
My Dear, Loyal Aggie faithful….
Do you want R.C. Slocum’s cell number?
Just wondering..
GET THOSE GUNS UP!
RED RAIDERS 38-14

Minnesota at Ohio State
The Gophers may be O’ So Golden….
But the Buckeyes have a mean on this week….
BUCKEYES 34-10

Indiana at Northwestern
Another Big Ten Rivalry Game!
This Game is played for the “Prosthetic Eye of Newt”
I have no idea what Newt is going to do all year without his glass eye
HOMERS 24-20

UAB at Marshall
Three words for you….
“WE ARE MARSHALL”
THUNDERING HERD 34-14

EDITORS NOTE: Please no more email question about Matthew McConaughey,
I cannot in good conscience give out my buddy’s personal information.

Northern Illinois at Miami (OH)
I am not trying to give anyway any secrets here…
But the winner of this game is a leading candidate for the prestigious
Toe Nail Fungus Bowl in Minot North Dakota.

Boston College at Notre Dame
This old rivalry has more trophies and titles than Carter has Liver Pills.
You don’t think so?
The Game is called “the Holy War”
It’s played for the “Frank Leahy Memorial Bowl” and “The Ireland Trophy”
They could simply this whole process if they just played this game for the coveted..
“Bejeweled Stick of Gout”
FIGHTN’ IRISH 38-17

Wake Forest at Navy
Congratulations to the Midshipmen
for last weeks win over my SMU Mustangs and receiving the “Gansz Trophy”
The pain still lingers for me….
MIDSHIPMEN 34-14

Air Force at Utah
Everybody knows I love those Falcons….
But my cousin Vinny Likes the Two Ute’s
TWO UTES 31-24

UCLA at Arizona
I was going to watch this game but I heard Wynonna Judd is going to wrestle a Black Bear on Pay-per-View.
I am sorry, that’s can’t miss entertainment.
Plus I hear they are going to wear sombreros
BRUINS 5-3

Iowa at Michigan State
YES! Another game for a “Trophy” in the Big Ten!
This one is played for the “Triangular Clump of Manure”
It’s prestigious..
EYES of the HAWK 24-20

Tulane at Southern Miss
Doesn’t the term “Green Wave” sound like somebody let their swimming pool go…
Maybe it’s just me…
GOLDEN EAGLES 28-17

Texas Christian at Brigham Young
This game promises to be a slug fest…
But the altitude and the Cougars can’t stop the horned amphibians.
HORNED FROGS 24-21

Southern Methodist at Houston
My Proud Ponies will keep this one close…
Real Close….
COUGARS 33-28

Oregon State at Southern California
Beaver Jim, your wish is my command sir…
I hope your plan works…
TROJAN$ 44-10

Auburn at LSU
Tigers and Tigers…..
But I am partial to Mike the Tiger….
Maybe it’s the name?
FIGHTN’ TIGERS 24-14

Arizona State at Stanford
The only good thing about this game..
Is the opportunity to show you evidence of the dumbest damn mascot in College Football

CARDINAL 6-3

EDITORS NOTE: For those of you wanting to object to my observation and believe Evergreen State has the dumbest mascot, they hold the distinction of the “grossest” mascot. Glad I could clear that up..
Thanks Beaver Jim for the disturbing photo..

Sunday October 25th

Boise State at Hawaii
This game reminds me that I am missing “Dog the Bounty Hunter”
Damn It…
BRONCOS 38-14

Methodist at Averett
I can’t believe the Methodist are playing football on Sunday…
I bet Averett is a Methodist too.
This is sacrilegious, Sunday is for Professional Football
It’s in the Bible, Book of Landry, Look it up…

I understand Hootie will have an update next week on the status of his new restaurant
purchased with his “stimulus package”.
So stay tuned..

Have a Great Weekend

RTR
MEB

Much like the Oklahoma, Houston and Seminole fans last weekend…
Your favorite college football prognosticator will hence forth refer to last weekends games as..
The “Weekend that will no longer be mentioned”.

I am sure the above fans will gladly agree with me on that point, but before I unveil my embarrassing statistics from the “Weekend that will no longer be mentioned”, I want to offer my three favorite excuses for my lackluster performance.
1. The Sun was in my eyes while I was making the picks…
2. There is no doubt I had a rock in my shoe when I was making the picks last week..
3. Frankly, I don’t make very good decisions while I am on artificial turf….

And as a side note….
It doesn’t help that I am making the picks while wearing a leaf bag around my waist
Don’t ask…
You really don’t want to know…
Damn Kangaroo Flu…

Last week: 36 and 19 (Ouch!!!!!!) at 65%

Overall: 240 and 65 at 79% ( No comment….)

Enjoy the Picks!

THE GAMES

Thursday October 8th

Nebraska at Missouri
MO knows offense, but the Huskers have the Black Shirts
This will be a good one to watch from start to finish
And the Victory Bell goes too…..
CORNHUSKERS 28-24

Colgate at Princeton
I don’t care and neither should you
But it is nice to know they named a college after my favorite toothpaste

Arkansas Monticello at West Georgia
This is clearly my “Game of the Night”
The Wolves of West Georgia and the Mighty Boll Weevils of Arkansas
That’s right I said “Boll Weevils”…
Tell me this mascot doesn’t scare you…

Enough said….
BOLL WEEVILS 23-17

EDITORS NOTE: Also…
The Arkansas Boll Weevil mascot is called “Weezie”
Which is no relation to a character on the once popular television series “The Jefferson’s”
Just thought you should know…

North Greenville at North Alabama
The Mighty Lions of Florence Roar once again…
LIONS 34-17

Friday October 9th

Louisiana Tech at Nevada
I have counted the Bulldogs out of too many games this year and gotten bit every time.
Not this week…
BULLDOGS 31-17

Saturday October 10th

Colorado at Texas
Someone actually wrote me about this game last year and asked me…
“How were they supposed to distinguish..
between the respective schools mascots of a Buffalo and a Longhorn..
which one was actually my sister-in-law?”
That is so ridiculous, I can’t even believe it!
She was the one wearing flip-flops.
MIGHTY LONGHORNS 34-14

Alabama at Ole Miss
This is going to be a tussle in the Grove from start to finish…
Believe it…
CRIMSON TIDE 28-23

Eastern Illinois at Penn State
There is only room for one Big Cat in this game..
And it ain’t the Panthers…
JOE PA’s LIONS 38-10

Wisconsin at Ohio State
Behold the Power of Cheese Whiz….
MIGHTY BUCKEYES 24-17

Delta State at West Alabama
The Tigers of West Alabama can’t handle the Fighting Okra….
Why you may ask?
Because they are “Fighting Okra”, that’s why….
FIGHTING OKRA 31-20

Baylor at Oklahoma
I wouldn’t take the Bears for granted in this game…
Or it will be Sooner, Later…
BOOMER SOONERS 24-17

The Citadel at Elon
I wish I had better news for the Bulldogs of the Military College of South Carolina
But I don’t…
THE CUBAN KID 31-21

Catawba at Carson Newman
Why someone thought it was a “good idea”…
to name their college after a bunion is beyond me, what’s next “Hemorrhoid Tech”?
Never mind, I believe that’s in California
SPARKS EAGLES 33-28

Boston College at Virginia Tech
I got some bad news for the fan’s from Chesnutt Hill..
The Hokey Pokey really is what it’s all about…
HOKIES 33-17

Georgia Tech at Florida State
I never thought I would see the day that Coach Bobby would be on the hot seat…
But after this week, he will have both cheeks firmly planted on it.
YELLOW JACKETS 28-17

Florida A&M at Miami
Leroy Vann is faster than the Rattler’s namesake….
But that won’t save him from the eye of the Hurricane
HURRICANES 34-10

Houston at Mississippi State
Bulldog Jim, I wish I had better news my friend….
I am afraid the Cats have a mean on…
COUGARS 31-23

Chattanooga at Samford
I used to know a Sam Ford once…
He was a horse’s ass….
MIGHTY MOCCASINS 28-24

Iowa State at Kansas
Both of these teams are heading in the same direction…
No where…
HAWKS of JAY 23-17

Susquehanna at Rochester
Susie and Rocky?
Sounds like the basis for Rocky VIX
Never mind….
SUSIE 21-17

Georgia at Tennessee
Both teams are beaten up and badly in need of a win…
This is going to be one heck of a game….
HUNKER DOWN DAWGS 28-23

EDITORS NOTE: I know it pains me to say this…
But it’s getting more difficult each week to criticize Coach Lane Kiffin
When Coach Phil was at Beacon Hill..
“Discipline” and the football team went together like Chinese food and peanut butter.
Coach Lane won’t tolerate any foolishness from the players..
and will dismiss them from the team in a New York minute.
Believe that?
Under Coach Phil’s watch Tennessee players used to stroll to games like they bought their clothes from “Thugs or Us”, once a volunteer player even wore a loin cloth to the game, true story.
And now the players have to wear coats and ties to games and leave their Mr. T starter kits at home.
I have even noticed a change in some Volunteer fans…
What is going on?
Doesn’t Coach Lane realize this hurts my column?

Georgia Southern at North Carolina
The Eagle has been grounded…..
HEELS of TAR 38-10

Auburn at Arkansas
This game has all the potential to be a Barn Burner..
No Pun intended..
RAZORBACKS 33-24

Harding at Ouachita Baptist
I am not sure what an “Ouachita” Baptist does…
Unless they are the folks that handle rattlesnakes during a service
Harding better watch himself, those things will bite you…
SNAKE HANDLING BAPTIST 38-10

Oregon at UCLA
I would rather play nude twister with Rosie O’Donnell than watch this game…
QUACKS 6-5

EDITORS NOTE: Like I wasn’t sick enough with the Kangaroo Flu….
I had to make myself throw up over that comment…

Southern Miss at Louisville
Coach K and the Cardinals are down and they ain’t getting up…
GOLDEN EAGLES 33-17

EDITORS NOTE: Cardinal Fans take note….
Coach Tommy Tuberville is lounging in Alabama right now looking for a job..
I know he has the personality of a Jackass eating briars….
But the boy can spell “Defense”….
Just a thought…

Duke at North Carolina State
The winner of this semi-bitter instate rivalry receives coupons to Burger King.
I am not sure if that includes a complimentary decorative paper crown
More on this story as it develops.
WOLFPACK 31-28

Maryland at Wake Forest
This game features amphibians and televangelists…
I honestly have no idea which team is going to show up for this one..
The truth is…
They don’t either…
NINJA TURTLES 23-17

West Virginia at Syracuse
I was asked to say something “positive” and “uplifting” about the Orange this week.
O.K., here goes…
You all don’t suck as bad as you did last year..
How’s that?
Light those Couches!
MOUNTAINEERS 28-17

Stanford at Oregon State
I would rather watch my wife’s uncle Todd’s colonoscopy video (again..)
In it’s entirety…
Than watch another PAC 10 game…
CARDINAL 6-3

EDITORS NOTE: In case you were wondering…
The video is kind of like the 1950’s version of “Journey to the Center of the Earth”

Connecticut at Pittsburgh
Interesting fact….
When Coach Lou Holtz has said the above schools names in quick succession…
He has actually blinded Mark May in spit…
PANTHERS 28-24

Southern Nazarene at Southwest Baptist
In case you were wondering there will be a Baptism
Following today’s game…
FIGHTN’ BAPTISTS 23-17

Muhlenberg at Juniata
If I was the M’ Guy here, I would watch myself…
I hear Juanita’s septic tank backed up last week and she is madder than hell
JUANITA 31-14

Indiana at Virginia
This game may answer the eternal philosophical question..
“Would they still have a college football game if no spectators came?”
CAVALIERS 17-13

Arizona at Washington
The “W” on the Huskies helmets better stand for “Win” this weekend..
or I am off the dog’s bandwagon. Yes, I mean it this time.
HUSKIES 24-10

Arizona State at Washington State
These two teams together couldn’t beat a hot dog….
DEVILS of the SUN 17-14

Kentucky at South Carolina
The Wildcats are tough….
But Coach Steve has their number…
Always has…
GAMECOCKS 31-17

Kansas State at Texas Tech
Maybe Coach Snyder could get the Wildcats motivated..
If he wore a cape and a mask on the sidelines.
I don’t know if it would help, but it sure would be funny, wouldn’t it?
GET THOSE GUNS UP!
RED RAIDERS 34-17

Miami (OH) at Northwestern
This game will be a lot closer than you might think…
That is until the National anthem is over…
WILDCATS 33-10

Purdue at Minnesota
This ancient Big Ten rivalry is played for something I can’t quite pronounce..
But it looks like a giant Tootsie Roll..
Or it could be a Donkey Turd…
I’m not really sure…
O’ SO very GOLDEN GOPHERS 24-17

Heidelberg at Ohio Northern
I bet Ole Heidelberg wears lederhosen and a funny hat when nobody’s looking
Enough said…
POLAR BEARS 21-7

Vanderbilt at Army
Some people in the SEC are quick to dismiss the Commodores..
But if they were in the PAC 10 they would be the second best team in the conference
No worse than third anyway…
Believe it…
‘DORES 28-14

Michigan State at Illinois
This Big Ten rivalry is played each year…
for the coveted “Jimmy Crack Corn Trophy”, because frankly, nobody cares.
SPARTANS 27-24

Eastern Michigan at Central Michigan
The good news is…
Because this game is in Michigan, the Eagles don’t have far to go to get their ass kicked.
CHIPPEWA’S 28-23

New Mexico at Wyoming
I don’t know if I would go as far as calling this an “upset special”..
But the Cowboy’s are due….
COWBOY UP! 20-17

Oklahoma State at Texas A&M
I have some “Good News” and some “Not so good news” here..
The “Good” news is the Aggie Corps of Cadet Marching Band…
Is one of the finest college marching bands in the country.
The Aggie War Hymn will give your goose bumps, goose bumps.
The “Not so” good news is the Cowboys are riding into town…
THE COWBOYS 38-17

Texas Southern at Rutgers
The TSU “Motion of the Ocean” – “Ocean of Soul” Marching Band
Is really something to see, unfortunately their football team isn’t.
SCARLET KNIGHTS 44-10

Navy at Rice
The Midshipmen are tough, fast and well coached.
The Owls have one of the best baseball teams in the country.
Yeah, that won’t help them much here..
MIDSHIPMEN 28-17

Henderson State at Valdosta State
The folks from Henderson are known as the “Reddies”
Which I find to be discriminatory against blondes and brunettes
Damn racists…
BLAZERS 33-10

Marshall at Tulane
I still believe in the Thundering Herd…
WE ARE MARSHALL 24-17

Utah at Colorado State
Did you know that if you spell “Rams” backward you get “Smar”…
Not that it’s all that important here…
TWO UTES 33-24

Peru College at Lincoln (MO)
Although I have never been a fan of Lincoln, I think it is inherently wrong that a university from another country is playing college football against a team from the Heartland of America.
MO knows FOOTBALL 24-20

Ohio at Akron
Seriously, what is a “Zip” and why is their mascot a damn kangaroo?
I’ll never understand Yankees..
BOBCATS 24-23

Texas Christian at Air Force
The horned amphibians are lucky as well as good….
That’s a bad combination..
HORNED FROGS 31-17

Florida at LSU
Saturday Night in Death Valley….
For an opposing team there is nothing like it….
It’s what the Christians in the roman coliseum must have felt like before they released the..
FIGHTN’ TIGERS 23-21

UTEP at Memphis
Before last weekend I would have said U-Who?
But after outlasting the Houston Cougars last Saturday night
MIGHTY MINERS 34-23

Eastern Carolina at Southern Methodist
Despite my disappointment last week with the Ponies…
Much like Steve McQueen…
I still believe in the power of the Mighty Mustangs….
MUSTANGS 28-24

Michigan at Iowa
This classic Big Ten matchup is played for “The Old Lobster Bib”
Not really, I just made that up, but you have to admit…
It’s a better idea than the “Skank Witch Trophy”
EYES of the HAWK 28-23

Brigham Young at UNLV
The Rebels have a good chance of winning this game…
If Brigham Young misses their flight to Vegas…
COUGARS 38-10

Sunday October 11th

Fresno State at Hawaii
Have I mentioned lately that “Dog the Bounty Hunter” is on A&E on Wednesday nights?
I love those guys…
BULLDOGS 33-24

Tomorrow I will have something for the disgruntled Georgia Fan…
I wonder, could it be the names and addresses of the referees from last weeks Georgia – LSU game?

Next week Hootie Snitch will discuss his request for a stimulus package to open his “new” restaurant.

Stay tuned

Enjoy your games this weekend…

RTR
MEB

It all comes down to this……..

The one Saturday that has been marked on your calendars since last spring…..

This Saturday……

Is “The Third Saturday in October”…..

This Saturday…….

Jo Pa visits the Big Horseshoe….

This Saturday…….

The Dawgs of Georgia travel to Death Valley to take on the Fightn’ Tigers…

This Saturday…….

The Wolverines and Spartans do battle in Michigan…..

And….
This Saturday…….

The University of Southern California plays “another” Assisted Living Facility in the Pac 10!

It’s a Big Weekend of College Football….
So let’s get to it…

Enjoy Your Picks!

College Football NEWS and VIEWS

ABC COLLEGE FOOTBALL (Opening): We get it…..
ABC…ESPN….Disney..etc…etc…
ALSO owns the record company that promotes Kenny Chesney…
Which explains the “opening” segment of him singing his “new” song….

The “opening” segment couldn’t be any Gayer if George Michael and Sigfried and Roy were singing ” It’s Raining Men…”

EDITORS NOTE: ALSO……
I really don’t want to hear a gay man singing about having a “Wild Ride”…
It’s disgusting….

CBS COLLEGE FOOTBALL: Can you believe it…..
The “Commentators” with CBS were actually saying “Southern California was scoring style points by beating Washington State” by 70 points….

Style Points?

Washington State is 1 and 7….
Their ONLY win coming against Portland State……
And….
YOU want to talk about “Style Points”?

Isn’t that just a new name for “Bad Sportsmanship”?

TEXAS: DAMNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!

LOU HOLTZ: By now you have all heard about what Lou said on the ESPN College Football studio program…

He used a “Hitler” reference last weekend when giving a description about leadership and discussing “Good” and “Bad” leadership…..

Coach Lou was forced to apologize on National Television….
ask for forgiveness…..
and generally beg on national television to keep his job…

COMMENTARY: I am sick of this damn crap….

NOBODY on the planet enjoys picking on Lou more than I do….
I think he looks like a Granny from “The Beverly Hillbillies”….
I think he sounds like Slyvester the Cat after dollar beer night at the Bowling Alley…
I believe he may be a 150 pound Tom Turkey…

BUT he didn’t SAY a damn thing wrong….
There isn’t a DAMN thing in the Constitution of the United States that “Gives you the right to be Offended”

If you are that big a damn Wussy and searching the planet for something to offend you….
Look no further than right here…dumbass.

BIG 12 HEISMAN: This year the Heisman Trophy will belong to the Big 12….
It may be Texas Tech….
Could be Oklahoma….
Might be MO’S TIGERS….
BUT….
It WILL be in Austin Texas…..
Believe it….

FLORIDA: Just for the Record….
The Mighty Gators of Florida won the 1984 Southeastern Conference Championship….

Period….

EDITORS NOTE: In case you didn’t know by now….
Yes, I can carry a grudge….

PENN STATE: All I heard before the season started….
“Jo Pa has Lost control of the team…..”
Then…..
“The game has passed Jo Pa…”

Hell……
This past week I even spoke with a guy that “claimed” to be an Alumni of Penn State and he said….
“Jo Pa has GOT to Go!……It’s Time!”

Then he admitted that “He didn’t really watch football……”
EDITORS NOTE: It is my belief….
That the guy I spoke with is either lying about going to Penn State or he is a communist..

However, it is also my belief that the extreme cold of living that close to the Arctic Circle causes permanent brain freeze….

SOUTHEASTERN CONFERENCE: We are still waiting to hear what you are going to do with the “Full-Contact” referee from the South Carolina – LSU Game?

EDITORS NOTE: Please don’t ask if I will forget all about it…..
You know better than that….

WISCONSIN: FOUR in a DAMN Row?
How can you cheese-heads lose FOUR in a DAMN ROW?

You are killing my average….
You know that right?

NAVY: SOOOooooo I pick you to “Win”….
YOU lose….

I pick you to “Lose”…
YOU win….

Why can’t we all just get along?

ARMY: Please see “Navy” above….

COMMERCIALS: What is the deal with Dr. Pepper?

Are athletes that haven’t been on television in over 25 years suppose to make us drink “More” Dr. Pepper?

Maybe showing an out of work actor from a 20 year old situational comedy will do the trick?

Are you all stupid or just out of touch?

STOP IT!….It’s annoying.

COMMERCIALS (PART II): I could not believe my own ears…..

Last week on ESPN College GameDay here were the order of commercials during the first hour….

First…
“Subway”…The Five Dollar Foot-long commercial complete with the catchy theme music…

Second….
“Viagra”…The “Viva Viagra” commercial complete with the catchy theme music…

Third…
“Male Enhancement”…You guessed it…
Complete with some catchy theme music….

This subliminal messaging thing has gotten out of control…..

MICHIGAN STATE: The Spartans have a chance for glory this weekend….

Take advantage of it…..

SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA: Seriously…..
Are you guys STILL not on probation?

AFTER….
ALL the Reggie Bush $$$$$$$$ while he was still in school?

EVEN…
AFTER all that?

AND….
Reggie Bush’s Momma’s and Daddy’s house?

Really?……

Where did the NCAA get YOUR investigators?

Aruba?

NATIONAL SPORTS MEDIA: I loved last weeks slobber fest between the Media and the $outhern California Trojan$…..
 They tried to make the thrashing of the Washington State Cougars sound like the Trojan$ just beat the Klingons for Interstellar Domination….

ESPN: Did anyone have the misfortune of hearing the ESPN crew calling the Georgia Tech – Clemson game last Saturday?

I won’t rehash the level of stupidity between those two idiots….
There is no point in it…

But let me just say this….

The “Dumbass Twins” of Andre Ware and David Pasch….

Put the DUMB….

IN….

ASS…..

ESPN (PART II): Still no word about the Reggie Bush and Southern California Trojan Investigation?

Really?

You know I am going to KEEP doing this?
Right?

NCAA: You all have more TOOLS……than Lowes and Home Depot combined.

A BELATED HAPPY BIRTHDAY….
To THE Voice of COLLEGE Football…

MR. KEITH JACKSON…..

HAPPY BIRTHDAY and Whoa NELLY!

EMAIL Questions and ANSWERS

Q: Mike, you heard anything else about that invasion into Georgia?
Me and the Misses is in the Storm Shelter…
We thought we heard tanks the other day..
But it was just the garbage truck…
Is it safe to come out yet?
Carl and Joyce – Salem, Alabama
A: You two are Auburn Fans…Right?
Then I would stay in the storm shelter at least until Coach “Ears” Tommy gets his arrogant head out of his posterior…

Q: Dude, seriously….
Could the ABC College Football pregame with Kenny Chesney be any more gay?
Jim – Fort Collins, Colorado
A: No it couldn’t Jim….

Q: YOU is innorant as Hell!
They way you a bashing Coach Fulmers and them Vols, you sond like a hater!
As far as I concern…
You ain’t no better than Randall Hitler!
Porkchop – Big Lick, Tennessee
A: I am confused….
While studying at the University of Tennessee…
Were you a History or English major?

Q: Mike, can help us settle a bet we have at work?
Is it true that Carolina Gamecock Quarterback Chris Smelly almost went to Arkansas?
IF it is true…
Why didn’t he go to Arkansas?
Thanks!
The Boys from Carolina – Columbia, South Carolina
A: The Answer to your question is “Yes”…..
Chris Smelly “almost” went to Arkansas instead of South Carolina….
Why didn’t he?
I think he was afraid of how it might sound being in front of Casey Dick on the depth chart…

It just wouldn’t be right….

Q: Mike, when you aren’t writing what do you enjoy doing?
Just wondering!
Thanks!
Holly – Biloxi, Mississippi
A: Thanks for asking Holly….
I enjoy long walks on the Beach…
and poking dead things with a stick….

Q: Mike we are studying American Indians in school!
What would you say your American Indian name would be?
Thanks a lot!
Sharon – Victoria, Texas
A: Good question Sharon…..
I would have to say….
“Runs with Beer….”

Q: Mike, Why did you call the “Big” Tennessee Volunteer booster John Thornton “Thunder Lips”?
Is that his nickname?
Thanks!
Shelly – Nashville, Tennessee
A: That ”IS” his nickname Shelly….
But you don’t want to know HOW he got it…

But let me say this…

If you ever watch him eat a corndog..
He makes Kenny Chesney look completely Heterosexual….

THE GAMES

Saturday October 25th

Alabama at Tennessee
This is Democrats and Republicans…
Cowboys and Indians….
Oil and Water….
Except it’s worse…
CRIMSON TIDE 24-17

Texas Tech at Kansas
The folks from Kansas haven’t seen this many fast moving Raiders since the James Boys…
GET THOSE GUNS UP!
RED RAIDERS 38-24

Valdosta State at North Alabama
The Boys from “Upper” Bama have overcome an early season slip…..
AND…
These Big Cats are hungry….
LIONS 33-17

Boston College at North Carolina
I have a question?
Is “Disco Inferno” south of Miami?
Just wondering…
Never mind…
TAR HEELS 27-23

EDITORS NOTE: You hear that song in your head now….
Don’t you?

Wake Forest at Miami (FL)
I think it is still Hurricane Season until the first of November…
So Enough said….
HURRICANES 23-17

 
Eastern Michigan at Ball State
Honestly….
I would rather hear “Everybody was Kung Fu Fighting”…
Than “Disco Inferno..”
But that’s just me…
CARDINALS 28-24

Cincinnati at Connecticut
The Queen City is known for it’s Chilli….
Goldstar….
Skyline….
So what is Co-Net-I-cutt known for?
My point exactly….
BEARKATS 24-20

Northwestern at Indiana
Since the Folks from Hoosier-ville refused my offer to have Jim Nabors sponsor the team for a year….
I just can’t pull for them any longer….
I CANNOT believe you didn’t want to be called the “Gomers!”

SHAZAM! Would have made for a great entrance….
WILDCATS 24-14

Illinois at Wisconsin
It’s too close to Halloween to go against….
ZOOKS FIGHTN PUMPKINS

 
Minnesota at Purdue
Have you seen the Purdue Mascot “Purdue Pete”?
That damn thing’s head is almost as big as Wynonna Judd’s!
Notice I said….”almost”.
Oooo SO GOLDEN GOPHERS 23-21

Oklahoma at Kansas State
The Wildcats will keep it close….
Until they hear…”And the Rockets Red Glare….”
Then they will be down by two touchdowns…
BOOMER SOONERS 44-17

Kentucky at Florida
My Beloved Big Blue Fans….
I wish I had better news for you….
MIGHTY GATORS 38-14

Carson Newman at Brevard College
I knew a rich kid once named Brevard…
He was the only child….
His momma and daddy got him a pet monkey for his birthday….
That damn thing got out and pooped all over the house and tore the curtians off the walls….
It was funny as hell…
You know something?
I almost feel guilty about letting that thing out of it’s cage..
SPARKS EAGLES 34-24

Baylor at Nebraska
Have I mentioned that the Baylor School of Medicine is one of the finest medical schools in the country?
I know it doesn’t really fit here…
But I always like to have something positive say before a team gets an ass whippin…
CORNHUSKERS 33-13

Georgia at LSU
No Upset Special….
This is just how it is…..
HOW BOUT THEM DAWGS! 24-21

Louisiana Tech at Army
Vince Dooley’s son is the Head Coach of Tech….
That’s good enough for me….
BULLDOGS 27-10

UNLV at Brigham Young
I bet the folks from Vegas that travel to the game in Provo think they are in HELL…..
COUGARS 38-17

Anderson at Defiance
What are they “defying” and why?
Just wondering….

Duke at Vanderbilt
I love it when smart kids fight….
It’s sooooo cute.
COMMODORES 27-23

Fresno State at Utah State
I know it doesn’t fit here…
But have you ever thought…
That Waffle House is too Southerners…
What Starbucks is too yankees?

Just a thought…
BULLDOGS 34-17

Rice at Tulane
Anytime I hear “Green Wave…”
I think the toilet has over flowed…
OWLS 24-14

Oklahoma State at Texas
How can you go against a Quarterback named after my favorite firearm manufacturer?
YOU can’t….
THAT’S MY POINT!
LONGHORNS 38-24

Virginia Tech at Florida State
This past week Coach Bobby was asked what he thought about Tommy getting fired…
He said…
“Thomas Edison was the smartest kid in my class…It doesn’t surprise me that he invented fire..”

It’s sad really…..
NOLES 27-23

South Florida at Louisville
YOU can take this one to the bank….
And that is…
NO BULL 27-17

Michigan State at Michigan
Yes…
It’s true…
This past week I called a “certain”  Wolverine Coach…
And left him a message…
“The Garden Club called and they want their Ho Back…”

He immedately sent his wife to Ace Hardware….
(I don’t believe he gets it…)
SPARTANS 33-17

Rutgers at Pittsburg
I would watch this game…..
But…
The History of Toast is on the Food Channel…..
PANTHERS 17-10

UCLA at California
I wonder if “Disco Fever” and…
“Boogie Fever” are the same thing?

Never mind…
BEARS 3-2

Virginia at Georgia Tech
The only thing going for Tech is the “Varsity”….
Which is across the street….
So technically they don’t have anything going for them…
YELLOW JACKETS 6-3

North Carolina State at Maryland
I will not doubt the power of the Ninja Turtles (again..)
Especially if Pizza is involved…
NINJA TURTLES 28-17

Southern Methodist at Navy
UPSET SPECIAL!!!!!
Saddle Up Boys!
MIGHTY MUSTANGS 33-31

Quachita Baptist at Southwest Baptist
There will be alot of Baptist fighting in this one…
BUT…
There better not be any dancing!
BAPTIST 23-21

New Mexico State at Idaho
I wonder if “Ida” had a sister named “Ima”…
The she would be Ima…
Never mind…
AGGIES 31-10

Wyoming at Texas Christian
The Cowboys can’t ride these Horned Frogs…
Trust me..
They just can’t…
HORNED FROGS 34-10

Colorado at Missouri
Last week MO understood the meaning of a Texas Beat Down….
This week….
MO KNOWS Football (again…)
MO’S TIGERS 38-34

Mississippi at Arkansas
Sometimes you feel like a Nutt….
Sometimes you don’t…
This week I do…
REBELS 27-24

Dixie State at Azusa Pacific
You had me at “Dixie”….
GIVE EM HELL!

Texas A&M at Iowa State
I am not a fan of the “new” Aggie Coaching Staff….
But the “Aggie War Hymn” is motivating as hell….
Enough said….
GIG EM AGGIES 27-17

MTSU at Mississippi State
“M.T.S.U.” sounds like an ingredient in dog food….
That’s good enough for me…
BULLDOGS 23-17

Penn State at Ohio State
Jo Pa has not won a game in the Big Horseshoe since the Lions joined the Big Ten…er…Eleven Conference.
That trend continues Saturday Night…
Believe it…
BUCKEYES 23-20

Southern Miss at Memphis
Just for the record….
I still miss Coach Jeff Bower…
GOLDEN EAGLES 24-20

Notre Dame at Washington
Does it “really” matter?
Of course not…..
FIGHTING IRISH 33-10

Colorado State at San Diego State
I would watch this game….
But I am going to watch Mike Tyson try to solve the “Soul Train Scramble Board”…
In case you were wondering…
The show is scheduled for three hours…
RAMS 23-20

Southern California at Arizona
YIPPPPPPPPEEEE!!!!
ANOTHER “Classic” matchup in the PAC 10!
HOW Bout those STYLE Points!
TROJAN$ 138-0

Sunday October 26th

Central Florida at Tulsa
What do we have here….
Golden Knights and Golden Hurricanes….
Sounds like Kenny Chesney’s Birthday Party…
GOLDEN HURRICANES 38-17

EDITORS NOTE: Sorry…that was just wrong.

Nevada at Hawaii
Seeing this game scheduled for Sunday Night….
Makes me wish “Dog the Bounty Hunter” was on Sunday Nights too….
But sometimes…
I just wish for too much…
WARRIORS Pop’n and Lock’n on RAINBOWS 34-31

Enjoy Your games!

RTR
MEB

POST GAME…..

Please Check back this Sunday….

I am afraid this is going to be a short season for me….

RTR
MEB