I write this article with mixed emotions but probably not for the reasons that some of you and the national card carrying character assassins would believe.

Joseph Vincent Paterno, the Great “Coach Joe Pa” to you and I and the winningest coach in Division I football history passed away Sunday morning of a broken heart at the age of 85.

I don’t have enough room in this column to write what a fine outstanding person Coach Joe Pa was or what a great coach and mentor he was to young student athletes. I certainly don’t have a command of the English language to capture what he means to Penn State and the Mighty Nittany Lions Football Nation.

But I know he was a Giant in the world of College Football….

A Legend walking amongst us mere mortals…..

Joe Pa will always be The Lion King

I didn’t know Coach Joe Pa although he shook my hand on January 1st 1979 when Alabama defeated Penn State for the National Championship and along with the handshake he said “good game son” and I didn’t have anything more to do with the outcome of that game than any other bench warmer, but Joe Pa shook every Alabama players hand that evening, because he is a man that was “class” personified and….

Integrity – Sportsmanship – Honor – Loyalty……

And he still is that man, even in death.

Certainly that’s not what the hosts of national character assassins want you to believe about Joe Pa.

But then again those are some of the same people that believe you folks at home are incapable of thinking for yourselves, you know like sheep.

You know who I am talking about right?

The same people that tell you President Obama can’t do anything wrong and President Bush couldn’t do anything right.

The same people that want you to believe that every white person in the South is a racist but Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton aren’t.

The same people that enjoy ridiculing Tim Tebow’s Christian faith but wouldn’t dare say anything about Muslim men’s love of little boys and little girls because that would be “insensitive” to their culture.

The same people that don’t want prayer before a high school football game or a nativity scene on public property because “it promotes religion” but whole heartedly support a radical Muslim mosque in New York City at 9/11 ground zero.

Have I made my point or do you need any more examples?

Here are a few examples of what the character assassins had to say about Joe Pa….

Mark Bradley Atlanta Journal Constitution……

“In the 2 1/2 months between Jerry Sandusky’s indictment and his employer’s death, we’ve had the chance to review our feelings toward Paterno. Was he enabler or scapegoat? Was he a villain for not speaking up louder and sooner, or was he a victim for being shunted aside in the wake of a media storm unprecedented in American sports? Was he a good guy who’d done a bad thing, or was the thing he did — or, in this case, didn’t do — so bad that all claims to goodness were forfeit?”

Stewart Mandel Sports illustrated

“This is a truly and indisputably sad day, but that sadness is now part of a complicated array of emotions…..”

Paul Finebaum also known as the Jerry Springer of “sports”

“Joe Paterno, the longtime Penn State coach who won more games than anyone in major college football but was fired amid a child sex abuse scandal that scarred his reputation for winning with integrity, died Sunday of lung cancer. He was 85.”

EDITORS NOTE: Yeah this is same guy that said 20 years after Coach Bryant’s death….

“Coach Bryant didn’t do enough to help segregation in the South”…

EDITORS NOTE: I would listen to a trailer trash meth head before I would take the time to listen this dumbass on any subject much less anything to do with college football.

Then of course my “very” favorite article hot off the press from CNN….

LZ Granderson, who writes a weekly column for CNN.com, was named journalist of the year by the National Lesbian and Gay Journalists Association and a 2011 Online Journalism Award finalist for commentary. He is a senior writer and columnist for ESPN the Magazine and ESPN.com and the 2009 winner of the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation award for online journalism.

EDITORS NOTE: O’ Yeah this guys knows a lot about college football….

“I look at the way people lionize President Ronald Reagan and I wonder how they feel about Reagan letting years go by without publicly addressing the AIDS epidemic (possibly because the disease initially was seen as primarily affecting gays) or that he vetoed a comprehensive anti-apartheid act that would have placed sanctions on South Africa……

I do not know how to compartmentalize the good from the bad. Just as I am incapable of thinking about Reagan without seeing the thousands and thousands of ailing Americans he didn’t even try to help. Or how hard it is to listen to a Michael Jackson song and not wonder about the boys he was accused of molesting — or how hard it is to watch reruns of “Seinfeld” and not recall the racist rant from the actor who played my once favorite character, Kramer.”

EDITORS NOTE: What a minute, so Michael Jackson was “accused” but Joe Pa is guilty, of what exactly? President Ronald Reagan and the television program “Seinfeld”, what the Hell does that have to do with Joe Pa? Frankly I am surprised this idiot didn’t mention how racist toilet paper companies are because all their toilet paper is some shade of “white”.

Then yet another article from the Communist News network (CNN)

“Gov. Tom Corbett ordered state flags to fly at half staff beginning Monday in honor of former Penn State University football coach Joe Paterno, who died Sunday.

The flags will remain there through sunset on the day of Paterno’s funeral, according to Gary Miller of the governor’s staff.

The support has not been universal.

EDITORS NOTE: Here we go again…

A group for survivors of sexual abuse by Catholic priests released a statement questioning the praise for Paterno, who critics say should have done more in 2002 when an assistant reported seeing former defensive coordinator Jerry Sandusky engaged in a sexual act with a young boy.
The survivors’ group, Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests, said Monday that ignoring what it called Paterno’s “egregious wrongdoing” was insensitive to victims of molestation.

“And publicly honoring Paterno sends precisely the wrong message to others who have or may hide child sex crimes — if you achieve enough professionally, we’ll overlook your role in enabling, ignoring or concealing heinous crimes against kids.”

EDITORS NOTE: So let me get this straight….
Your organization is called “SNAP” as in “O’ SNAP”? Seriously?

Last time I checked Coach Joe Pa didn’t commit any crimes, none.

Zero

Joe Pa wasn’t even accused of committing any crimes was he?

Unless “could have” should have” and “didn’t do enough” is a crime.

And former assistant Jerry Sandusky hasn’t even gone to trial has he?

But the cowardly media assassins want to vilify Coach Joe Pa and they want you to believe the venom they write because they don’t believe you can think for yourselves, can you?

And I assume by their lofty perception of events concerning the Penn State football program the media cowards themselves are beyond reproach.

So let me say this….

I am too flawed a human being to attempt to attack and hold the moral high ground in any conversation on any subject. Not to mention it’s a real slippery slope to climb, I know because I have scaled it a time or two only to slide back down to the bottom. And any grown up who buys their own toilet paper and pays taxes has probably experienced the same thing in his or her life.

If “could have” should have” and “didn’t do enough” is a crime in this life, then how many of us are guilty of seeing something wrong and “not doing enough” to rectify the situation?

I know for a fact I would have gotten the electric chair a long time ago if that was the case.

But give me a minute, because I am getting in front of myself here…

Last year the Great Clarence “The Big Man” Clemons of Bruce Springsteen’s E Street Band passed away. He played the saxophone in the E Street Band.

There will never, ever be another like him. Period.
I don’t know if “The Big Man” ever saved a child from a burning building or refused to sign an autograph or burned ants with a magnifying glass as a child.

And I don’t care because that’s not what I loved him for….

But I do know he was one hell of a saxophone player and “Jungle Land” and “Tenth Avenue Freeze Out” will never sound the same again and that’s all that matters.

Joe Pa was one hell of a college football coach and the assassins in the media took everything away from him, but yet they don’t want to be judged by the same standards themselves.

They never do though, do they?

They stole his dignity, his integrity and everything he worked and slaved for his entire life until he had nothing left to live for and he died of a broken heart on Sunday morning.

Coach Joe Pa will always be one of the greatest to ever walk the sidelines…

He will always be a Giant in the world of College Football….

He will always be a legend that walked amongst us mere mortals…..

Joe Pa will always be the Lion King

And hard as some may try, they can never take that away from him.

God Bless you Joe Pa and all the faithful Nittany Lions everywhere

RTR

THE CFB WIZARD

This week’s picks will be in Honor of the Marine Corps Birthday and Veterans Day.

Since 10 November 1775 The United States Marine Corps has stood on the Nation’s porch like a Pit Bull waiting to be unleashed when the occupants of the house are threatened.

We have served in peace and for the past decade, a lot of war, a lot of war.

Some people categorize us as “military”, we are that but we are also a cult; a cult that doesn’t believe in putting your hands in your pockets, walking on grass when wearing dress shoes or carrying umbrellas under any circumstances.

And by chance if you were wondering why the Marines in your workplace this week were always an hour early to work or an hour early to meetings the reason is very simple.

Regardless of the time change real Marines don’t “fall back” for any reason.

I want to take this opportunity to wish a very Happy 236th Birthday to all my Marine Brothers and Sisters past, present and future. And please don’t forget that Friday is Veteran’s Day

If you see a Veteran, don’t thank them for their “service” that sounds like they just got finished rotating and balancing your tires. Thank them for your “Freedom” because that is what their blood, sweat and tears in uniform bought for you.

Enjoy your Picks…..

POST WEEKEND REPLAY

I certainly do appreciate all the “get well” cards this past week and I want to assure you that the liver transplant I received at Wal-Mart from the automotive department went surprisingly well.

I was a bit hesitant about buying a liver from “China” but before you ask how I knew the liver I purchased was from China, which by the way can be found in Wal-Mart between the Sporting Goods and Automotive Departments, it’s because I have this craving to eat a plate of Chicken Chow Mein and loan a large sum of money to the United States government.

I just wish they wouldn’t have used Velcro to stitch me up with….
That stuff catches on everything…

Too bad I didn’t Velcro My picks last week, I might have done better.

Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator was 53 and 13 or 80% last week.

And that leaves The CFB Wizard at 545 and 143 or 79% for the season after 10 weeks.

We have a lot to discuss, so let’s get to it.

SOUTH GEORGIA FOOTBALL NEWS and VIEWS

Greetings from the heart of SEC country!!!

With the Big Blue Trojans of Telfair having ended their season, I was set to take a hiatus until next year with this column and do some huntin’ and maybe a little fishing over at Little Ocmulgee Lake. However, The CFB Wizard talked me into hanging around until the end of the High School playoffs and, maybe, the College season.

I am humbled and grateful that people actually read what I’ve written. However, I was kind of at a loss as to what to do with my Friday nights. Well, I decided to take the long drive down to Folkston, Georgia to watch the home standing Indians of Charlton County take on the Clinch County Panthers to see firsthand how the power brokers of Region 2-A were doing in an annual game they call the “Swamp War”. It’s a long 90 mile ride around the Okefenokee Swamp and through the Spanish moss laden water and scrub oaks, between Homerville and Folkston. But that didn’t stop the visiting Panthers from bringing a large contingent of supporters to see this clash of 2-A Titans.

This 60th edition of The Swamp War had important playoff implications as each team was jockeying for playoff seeding positions in upcoming post season play. Clinch, the defending 2010 Class A champions of Georgia from West of the Swamp, came up just a bit short in a 21-14 loss to the Big Indians from East of the Swamp. The Tribe’s Tre Hamilton continued his assault on the hallowed Charlton County record books as he posted over 100 yards rushing and scored 2 touchdowns in the win. This well played game was another classic in the 60 year old rivalry between two of the tradition rich schools of South Georgia’s powerful 2-A region. Next week Clinch travels to Mitchell County and Charlton will host Miller County in the first round of the second season of 2011.

Everyone in the state of Georgia knows who Isaiah Crowell is, where he’s from, and they probably know everything there is to know about his diet, his dreads, and what classes he takes at the University. But, quick, who were the running backs for the Cow College against New Mexico State on Saturday?
Unless you read the write ups in the sports sections of your local papers you never would have guessed Branden Smith, a defensive crossover, and former walk-ons Brandon Harton and Kyle Karempelis. Who?

In a scenario reminiscent of the movie “Rudy”, these seldom used backups got to run for glory in a 63-16 romp over the Agriculturists from out West. In a pay off game scheduled as a break before the big Auburn showdown next week, Georgia will undoubtedly be excited to see Crowell and company back in the fold. And, by the way, the loud cheering you heard late Saturday night in Athens wasn’t “Dooooooogs”, it was “Hooooooogs”, as the Fayettville Fatback crew did their jobs in helping the Canines to the top of the SEC East heap.

In Hot-lanta, the Rambling Wreck got a week off to get a tune up and prepare for a big Thursday night showdown with the Turkeys from Vah-Tech. It remains to be seen whether the calculator commandos will be able to punch in a winning formula to try to take charge of the ACC Coastal Division.

And up in Eagle Creek, the Blue Clad Crows got a little divine intervention and Christmas in November combined, as they squeaked by the Cadets from the Holy City in a Bone vs Bone showdown at “The Prettiest Little Stadium in America.” The Eagles must have still had the Mountaineer Blues in a 14-12 game. But they blocked 2 Knob extra points, which proved to be the difference in the game. In the upset bid which was eerily similar to last years miracle over the Mountain Men, the Cadets lined up for a field goal in a last second upset bid of their own. 13 seconds left with a 37 yard field goal attempt in Gale force winds. It was so windy that Georgia’s bald eagle mascot, Freedom, could not make his pregame flyover.
The snap. The kick. “I thought I made it,” said the Citadel’s Ryan Sellers. “It was right down the middle,” said Eagle’s corner Laron Scott. “I couldn’t even look, and then I heard everyone yelling,” Suddenly, miraculously, the wind kicked up again. Sellers: “It was right down the middle, and the wind caught it…and it went wide right. It was the best feeling in the world, and then the worst.” Time runs out. The team that Erk built eeks out a win. Despite the close call, the outlook for Southern’s bid to win the SoCon got a little better with a loss by those same Boone Boys to the Paladin’s of Furman. But they’ll have to win on the road at the home of the Southern Conference’s number 2 team, the Terriers of Wofford to stay ahead of the pack. Yes, folks, the plot thickens….

In case you hadn’t heard, over in Tuscaloosa, there was a game between the Bayou Bengals and the Crimson Tide in a matchup of biblical proportions. The Cajun Cats came up with a little luck of their own as they squeaked by the hometown pachyderms by a 9-6 score. I don’t know about anyone else, but to me this was a thoroughly enjoyable game, which reminded me of how football was played in a bygone era. Lots of defense and hard hitting, like Ali-Frazier, feeling each other out, and looking for an edge. The Tide proved to be their own worst enemies though, as they had 2 missed field goals and one that was blocked. This proved to be their downfall as LSU, hung in, made some big plays, and finally came away with a win in overtime. At the end of the game, The Mad Hatter was asked if he’d like to play Bama again if things worked out right. His answer? “I’d be honored to play that team again.” Don’t know about anyone else, but to me, that’s class. That scenario probably won’t play out, but I’d love to see Clash of the SEC Titans II.

Over in Fayetteville, Arkansas, the Hungry Hogs did their part in spoiling the Columbia Cocks season as they came away with a 44-28 win. The chickens are struggling as of late with injuries and dismissals. Conner Shaw showed some dazzling running ability but also showed flashes of First Year Starter woes as he was unable to hook up with All World receiver Alshon Jefferies very often and was finally knocked out of the game late in the 4th quarter. The Head Ball Coach is doing some good things in South Carolina but he still hasn’t been able to put all the pieces of the puzzle together. He gets the receivers and defensive players, but he still hasn’t been able to pull in a big name High School quarterback to get them over the mountain. Next up for the Cocks are the Reeling Reptiles from Gainesville in a make or break game to try to keep up with Georgia for SEC supremacy.

Elsewhere, the Nebraska Farm Hands had their hands full with a bunch of Crazy Cats from Northwestern. The Felines proved to be rude guests as they came away with a 28-25 win in Lincoln. I think the Corn-shuckers are going to have to revise their expectations of running away with the Big Ten-ish Division crown.
In Columbus, Ohio, the Buck-nuts eased by a 1-9 Hoosier squad 34-20. As impressive as they think their season is the 6-3 Ohians still had a much tougher time against this perennial cellar dweller than they anticipated.
And then there’s Tommy Tubberville’s Texas Tech Tankers. I’m still scratching my head over the Red Raiders. The Gunslingers come away from a road game in Norman with a 41-38 win over the Sooners, and then got embarrassed by Iowa State and followed it up with another stinker against Texas. A 52-20 loss is not hangoverish after Oklahoma. It’s I aint got a clue football at it’s finest. But enough of that. There should be plenty of shuffling in the standings this week, as 7 of the top 25 teams were beaten. Things are about to get interesting as we draw closer to the Bowl season we are down to 5 undefeated FCS teams and only a few weeks left in the season.

Once again, it’s time for the Peach State Prognostication. I’ve been hitting the little smart pill machine (to borrow a famous expression from Leonard Postostis) and doing tons of research, to make the most accurate pick possible. The Dogs looked pretty good against an overmatched opponent from 2 time zones away. Crowell got a rest, and Murray impressed. The Slide Rule Jocks took a week off to revamp a porous defense and to try to tune up an offense that until last week looked like it had thrown a rod. As the game creeps closer and closer, I’m starting to see something in my crystal ball that looks like a Georgia win: 28-27.
Yep, I’m sticking to it.
Nothing much happened to change my mind over the weekend, so I’m taking the easy way out and it’s a repeat of last week’s star gazing.

That’s it for now. Hope everyone’s team wins and you have a great week.
And remember; make sure you support your local High School Athletics.
These are your future collegians of tomorrow.

Until next time,
I’m Harley Hanesworth

EMAIL QUESTIONS OF THE WEEK

Q: Dear Mr. Wizard
I know you only write about college football but I have to ask you with all the labor disagreements between the players union and the owners do you think we will see any Professional Basketball this year?

James – Alexandria, Virginia

A: There is such a thing as “professional” basketball?

Who knew?

Q: Dear Mister CFB Wizard

A co-worker of mine forwarded me the link to your sports “column” and I had the displeasure of having read your tripe. I don’t know which was worse, your inability to grasp the English language, your latent tendencies towards racism and sexism or the fact I won’t ever be able to get that time back I wasted from reading your ridiculous ramblings.

Perhaps in the future you could learn something from a simple children’s book entitled…
“Middle English: a primer for beginners”. That would be a good start

Sincerely – Debra, Columbus, Ohio

A: “Middle English”?
You never mentioned that you were a fan of “The Lord of the Rings” or that you were an angry midget, which may explain your anger management issues.

Q: Hey Wizard!
You did it Man! You called it! The Louisville Cardinals beat West Virginia!
How did you do it! What’s your system?
Thanks!
John – Louisville, Kentucky

A: Thank you John, but I don’t have a “system” for such prognostications.
I am nothing more than a genius; unfortunately my “gift” seems to be confined to games of which I am not “emotionally” involved with.

Q: Dear Sir –

As a registered clinical psychologist I can ascertain from your column that you may have a disorder caused from having a myriad of personalities at least that is my preliminary diagnosis from reading your columns.
Do you find that you have any symptoms of a multiple personality disorder?

Sincerely – Dr. Richard Jacobs MD, Boston, Massachusetts

A: Gosh Doc you make that sound like it’s a “bad thing”

The Great thing about having multiple personalities is that I can have a party all by myself.

Q: Dear Sir,

It’s me again and I’ve got a problem I was wondering if you might help me with.
I didn’t want to write that Dear Abby lady cause she gets kind of snippy and sassy sometimes and right now I’m sensitive and vulnerable.
You remember how I just loved me some Tim Tebow?
Well, if you’ve been under a rock for a little while, he up and left from Flarda and run off out west to play some more football with somebody else.
I was heartbroke.
I couldn’t believe that two timer would leave me and the whole state of Flarda and not even tell me bye. I still love that boy but if he ever comes back I’ll have a sharp eye out on him.
Anyway, since I got over Tim Tebow I didn’t have nobody to love and admire and then I saw that John Brantley fella. You know, he’s cute enough, and all that but he just don’t twirl my propellers like Tim Tebow did. You know he didn’t even have an exotic and foreign sounding name either. I mean, Tim Teeeeeebow just sounds so French or Spanish or something.
So I just want to know this. Do you thank that Muscrat fella that’s running the Gater team will ever go out and pick him up a fella to play quarterback for the Gaters that is as dreamy, and cute, and just plain purty as Tim Tebow?

Thanks for listening Mr Wizard

Tracy in Homassassa

A: Tracy; Timmy has been gone for a couple of years now, you need to move on.

Q: Dear Mr. Wizard
I read this week that it is the Marine Corps Birthday and wanted to wish you and all the other Marines a Happy Birthday! But I also have a question for you that I hope to share with the third grade class I teach here in Platte City, Missouri.
After all the countries you Marines have to deployed too, particularly the past ten years or so, are you required to learn several languages?

Thank you

Margaret – Platte City, Missouri

A: No ma’am, we don’t go to those places to talk.

COLLEGE FOOTBALL NEWS

PENN STATE: I have written this and re-written this piece. I am still angry, but this is all I have to say for now concerning what is going on at Penn State. I hope I can be coherent this time around.

So Penn State is going to let the big money donors and the national media drive them to FIRE a college football Legend for what, because Joe “should” have known something?

I wasn’t aware “should have known something” was a crime

I also wasn’t aware that was a criteria for firing somebody, then maybe I should be the “only” source of College Football News (I suppose I am anyway) because the entire National Sports media and media in general “should have known” the “real” story about Reggie Bush and the Southern California Trojans for five damn years, right? Do you need some more examples, some maybe a little closer to “home” for some of you expert media types, because I have a few more I could share with you.

There is a lot I could say about this topic and the way Coach Joe has been treated this past week, but I will simply say this; you should all be ashamed of yourselves for the way you are treating Joe Pa and believe me; you vultures will reap what you sow

AUBURN: This week the Auburn Tiger Family lost a true matriarch….

Evelyn Walker Jordan, the wife of Auburn’s legendary coach Ralph “Shug” Jordan.

Mrs. Jordan died following a brief illness last Thursday at age 98. She was laid to rest this week at Holy Trinity Episcopal Church in Auburn this week.

She was a native of Augusta, Georgia and grew up in Macon, Georgia and Columbia, South Carolina where she received a bachelor’s degree in sociology from the University of South Carolina.

She did graduate work at Tulane University in New Orleans and later earned a master’s degree at Auburn, where she served as Panhellenic adviser and worked as a counselor for married and international students for many years.

She received the university’s Pamela Wells Sheffield Award in 1992 in recognition of her service and commitment to Auburn.

And I would like to add…..

Miss Evelyn was a real Southern Lady and a fine person.
She was class, dignity and strength covered in Southern Charm.
They don’t make too many ladies like her anymore.

She will be deeply missed, deeply missed.

ESPN COLLEGE FOOTBALL STUDIO: The problem about trying to talk about “all” the other sports going on during College Football Saturday’s is that it can have a tendency to tongue tie the commentator. Such was the case this past Saturday when everybody’s favorite ditzy sports blonde ESPN’s Wendi Nix had this to say in the College Football Pre-game Studio Show….

“And to NASCAR, this weekend….
We will see if Tony Stewart can take home another Checkered Fag this weekend in Texas….”

EDITORS NOTE: And that my friends is why I don’t follow NASCAR…
I think they have taken this “Diversity” thing a little too far.

OKLAHOMA STATE: Your Quarterback is 28 years old? Really?

Shouldn’t he have been playing in the NFL for like five years already?

CBS COLLEGE FOOTBALL: From the “Here we Go Again” files….

We all know Vern “The syphilitic dwarf” Lundquest and Gary “Dumbass” Danielson don’t have anything good to say about anything related to the University of Alabama Crimson Tide and I finally figured why….

They are still hooked on “Cammy Cam Juice”

You gibbering idiots do know that stuff has an expiration date, right?

ESPN COLLEGE FOOTBALL PART II: This one is from the…..
“What’s Good for the Goose is Good for the Gander” File….

The fact that ESPN is losing all their credibility as a College Sports “News” outlet with most of their main college reporters, writers and contributors (Feldman, Forde, etc.) departing ESPN Bristol, Connecticut may just be leaving themselves trapped with the corrupted Craig James for more days and years than sports fans see fit.

Especially since sports fans’ days of Craig James employment ran out 23 months ago when Texas Tech gave up on their pirate head coach due to ESPN’s interference based on a James’ infamous complaint.

I think it’s time to start a “Fire Craig James” Campaign

After all…..

“What’s Good for the Goose is Good for the Gander”

Right?

OKLAHOMA: So you are ahead of the Aggies 41 to 10 in the fourth quarter and you keep your starters in to try and score more points, right?

Real Classy Sooners, real classy.

TEXAS: Speaking of the Aggies of College Station….

The folks from Austin have produced a t-shirt that has become immensely popular on campus…

TEXAS A&M: Now before all you Aggies start sending me nasty emails (again)

I want to give equal time to some talented folks from Aggieland that produced this short video.

I don’t care who you are, this is funny.

GIG EM

Get through the brief advertisement at the beginning and Enjoy…

Click here to view the embedded video.

BCS COMMITTEE: This past week it was reported that the BCS Committee “didn’t think” that the White House and the President of the United States would file a Federal lawsuit against the Bowl Championship Committee in an effort to “shake up” the Championship process.

EDITORS NOTE: Gosh….

I would really hope that the “White House and the President of the United States” would have more important things to worry about other than who plays who in a damn bowl game.

I don’t know…
Like maybe unemployment, the War in Afghanistan and the economy in the crapper.

You know, “little things” like that

NORWICH: You won last week just like I said you would with your talented Long Ding.
You have the most talented Long Ding in the Country, Congratulations.

NEBRASKA: What the Hell Cornhuskers? North – Best Western, Really?

What is that a Rand McNally Road Atlas College?

A Hotel – Motel School?

Somewhere Tom Osborne is crying….

LSU: Like the lady is saying (in so many words) below, you are Number One, but not by much.

Congratulations on a Great win in T-Town.

THE GAMES

Tuesday November 8th

Northern Illinois at Bowling Green
I rarely guarantee one of my Picks, but I am feeling unusually confident with this pick.
HUSKIES 45-14

Western Michigan at Toledo
I must really be in the zone today.
ROCKETS 66-63

Wednesday November 9th

Miami (OH) at Temple
UPSET SPECIAL!
I feel like my streak from Tuesday is continuing, it’s a just a feeling
HOOTERS 24-21

Thursday November 10th

Ohio at Central Michigan
The Chippewa’s’ are more Dip than Chip as of late.
FRANK’S CATS 34-24

Houston at Tulane
They say it ain’t over until the fat lady sings…..
She sang her heart out six weeks ago for the Green Wave
MIGHTY COUGARS 63-17

Virginia Tech at Georgia Tech
This game is going to be a back and forth affair…..
Last team with the football, wins……
YELLOW JACKETS 34- 31

Friday November 11th

South Florida at Syracuse
I have picked Phil Fulmer’s cousin (Otto the Orange) for three straight weeks…
And they have lost for three straight weeks….
And that is…
NO BULL 28-17

Saturday November 12th

Michigan at Illinois
By now you should know that every Big Ten (something or another) game is a “big” rivalry game…
This game is no different….
It is played annually for the highly coveted “Gunnysack of Flatulence” Trophy
It’s like a leather whoopee cushion…..
Never mind..
WOLVERINES 38-24

Texas at Missouri
I saw the episode when the Three Stooges go “Out West” so I know that..
MO knows stampedes…
MIGHTY LONGHORNS 38-28

Susquehanna at Juniata
The two toughest women in the trailer park square off…
Susie and Juanita
This is going to be a brawl, but just one thing “ladies”
No hair pulling…
SUSIE Q 23-17

Ohio State at Purdue
This terrific Big (Whatever) Conference Rivalry is played for the “Bucky Otter Trophy”
If you ask me; it looks like a buck toothed ground hog with a funny tail.
BUCKY EYES 33-17

Pittsburgh at Louisville
Coach Charlie is a lot Stronger than the Kitty Cats from Iron City
Believe it
STRONGER CARDINALS 28-17

Marshall at Tulsa
Against my better judgment I am going with “Upset Special”
Call it a feeling, I just hope it’s not gas
WE ARE MARSHALL 31-28

Rice at Northwestern
The Hoot Owls actually won a game last week (I’m serious)
And the boys from Rand McNally picked the Cornhuskers in Lincoln.
I will go with the corn pickers in this one
CORN CATS 38-21

Kentucky at Vanderbilt
This game is going to be close……
Real close….
It could go either way, believe it
BIG BLUE 24-21

North Carolina State at Boston College
The Pack of Wolves took down the cross state Tar Heels last week…
While the Eagles got plucked by the Seminoles….
I think the Birds stay plucked this week
WOLF PACK 33-17

Ursinus at Dickinson
This game worries me….
I just hate to think about Emily Dickinson having a sinus infection…
It disrupts by poetry reading time
EMILY 24-17

North Texas at Troy
I think Troy is about to get an unhealthy dose of….
MEAN GREEN 24-21

Buffalo at Eastern Michigan
I don’t know about Buffalo’s football team, but their wings are delicious
EAGLES 43-10

Virginia Military Academy at Presbyterian
The Keydets will be far too distracted by the sight of the Blue Ho’s to be effective in this game.
Also the VMI football team sucks….
BLUE HO’S 44-13

Georgia Southern at Wofford
I cannot begin to understand why someone would name a college after a pesky cough.
After all it is the cold and flu season
SOUTHERN EAGLES 28-24

South Dakota State at Western Illinois
You don’t think I would go against the Leathernecks on the Marine Corps Birthday do you?
Of course not…
LEATHERNECKS 34-28

Kent State at Akron
This game is the second in a series of rivalries for Akron…
Akron and Youngstown State play for the “Steel Tire” Trophy…
This game is played for the “Donut Spare Tire” Trophy
It’s very prestigious
FLASHING GOLD 31-28

Baylor at Kansas
The Hawk’s of Jay “might” win this game….
And I “might” be invited to Fat Phil Fulmer’s house for Thanksgiving
Neither of which is very likely
DA BEARS 38-24

EDITORS NOTE: Not that I would be interested in a Turkey stuffed with Krispy Kreme donuts. That’s disgusting…

Delta State at West Georgia
The Fighting Okra has been frying the competition the past few weeks.
Get the grease hot, and break out the flour there is another one headed for the skillet….
FIGHTING OKRA 43-21

Carson Newman at Mars Hill
The Spark has returned to the Eagles and just in time too…
SPARK’S EAGLES 34-28

Wyoming at Air Force
The Mighty Falcons won the Commander in Chiefs Trophy last week…
They will Fly High this week too…
MIGHTY FALCONS 31-17

Arizona at Colorado
I had every good intention of watching this game but I got “two” words for you…
“Sea Monkeys and Sea Monkey Accessories”
That was actually six words, sorry…
WILDCATS 21-17

Duke at Virginia
I have some Exciting News for the Fans of the Blue Devils!
Basketball season is almost here!
Not that I care….
CAVALIERS 28-17

Louisiana Lafayette at Arkansas State
The Red Wolves have been devouring the competition lately and Lafayette is allergic to dogs.
Enough said…
RED WOLVES 38-17

Nebraska at Penn State
Without Joe Pa on the sidelines I really don’t give a damn

Navy at Southern Methodist
These two teams square off and play each year for the “Gansz Trophy”
I am not exactly sure what that looks like, but I know it’s staying in Dallas.
MIGHTY MUSTANGS 38-17

Texas Christian at Boise State
At the beginning of the season I would have thought this was going to be a real clash.
The Horned Frogs will keep this one interesting….
For awhile anyway…
BRONCO’S 34-24

Rutgers at Army
The Black Knights of the Hudson will keep this one close until the fourth quarter and then as they say in New Jersey (Pronounced: New Jorsey)
“Fugggit bout it”
SCARLETT KNIGHTS 28-17

North Alabama at Valdosta State
The Blazers get torched and the Florence Lions are headed to the Division II playoffs.
Believe it…
MIGHTY LIONS 24-24

Washington at Southern California
Let’s see….
The Huskies have the next to worse defense in all of major college football….
Yeah, sometimes it’s just that easy to pick the games.
LAME TROJANS 43-17

Marist at San Diego
I am glad that Marist finally got a vacation and San Diego should be warm and sunny.
She is a total red fox
RED FOXES 24-17

Youngstown State at North Dakota State
The Penguins of Youngstown….
(Didn’t I tell you that school was ten miles from the Arctic Circle, do you believe me now?)
Take on the Thunder of the Plains in the Mighty Buffalo…
(A penguin cannot whip a Buffalo, I don’t care what Walt Disney says)
BISONS 41-38

Northwestern State at Sam Houston State
Sam Houston was the Hero of San Jacinto and the President of the Republic of Texas
That’s good enough for me…
Remember the Alamo
SAM THE MAN 43-17

North Dakota at UC Davis
“UC Davis, I See France, I saw your Grandma in her….”
Never mind…
FIGHTING SIOUX! FIGHTING SIOUX! 34-17

UCLA at Utah
I heard the Two Ute’s were Bruin up something special for this game, get it?
I amuse myself sometimes, well actually most of the time.
TWO UTES 28-21

Florida Atlantic at Florida International
This Battle in the Sunshine State is called “The Shula Bowl”
And it’s played for the “Don Shula Award”
You know….
I can remember when Coach Shula actually made sense…
HILTON’S CATS 31-24

Oregon State at California
Say whatever you want to about me….
But I am all about the Beavers
MIGHTY BEAVERS 33-31

Maryland at Notre Dame
This game is between two teams heading in the same direction….
Nowhere fast…
FIGHTING IRISH 38-34

Louisiana Tech at Ole Miss
Every time I have seen Coach Houston Nutt the past few weeks I think one thing…
“Dead Man Walking…”
REBEL BEAR’S 24-17

Central Florida at Southern Miss
The Mighty Golden Eagles of Hattiesburg are on a Seven game winning streak..
Make it “Eight”….
GOLDEN EAGLES 31-17

East Carolina at UTEP
This game with the Miners reminds me of a song that Tennessee Ernie Ford used to sing….
“Sixteen Tons and what do you get…”
An ass whipping by the Pirates…
I think that’s how the song goes..
PIRATES 43-17

Western Kentucky at LSU
O’ Yeah this One will be close….
Not…
HEY FIGHTN’ TIGERS 171-3

Fresno State at New Mexico State
Lasso Larry has been bitten by Dogs more than a mailman, I’m sorry “mail person”
Break out the pepper spray Larry here they come again!
BULLDOGS 28-24

Oregon at Stanford
This is the “big” game in the PAC (something or another) Conference to determine who the top team is on the Left Coast. Maybe this is just wishful thinking on my part….
Maybe I will get Lucky…
QUACKERS 34-28

Texas Southern at Grambling State
They call this game “The Bayou Classic”
And it always is, to include the great Marching Bands at half time.
This one will be no different
ROB’S TIGERS 38-28

Idaho at Brigham Young
I wonder how the Mormons in Provo feel about the “Ida Honkies” coming to town?
I love me some Ida Honkies…
COUGARS 34-17

Hawaii at Nevada
This game puts my Black Lab “Doc” in a quandary….
On one hand (or paw as the case may be) he likes Hawaii because he really likes “Dog the Bounty Hunter”; but he secretly pretends to be a wolf when he thinks I’m not watching….
Particularly when I leave my Pizza unattended…
PIZZA eating WOLVES 43-24

Arizona State at Washington State
I would watch this game…..
But I am in the process of learning all the words to “Funky Town”…
SUNNY DEVILS 6-3

Alabama at Mississippi State
The Bully Dogs have a problem….
A whole bunch of Angry Elephants are coming to Starkville
CRIMSON TIDE 28-10

West Virginia at Cincinnati
The Mountaineer faithful have had their couches soaked with kerosene for over a week…
Just waiting for a Victory….
You may now light the fires and begin the long overdue celebrations
MOUNTAINEERS 31-24

Oklahoma State at Texas Tech
GET THOSE GUNS down RED RAIDERS!
COWBOY UP! 43-17

Texas A&M at Kansas State
I know that all the pundits will pick the Wildcats in this game.
But I am not a pundit, I’m Baptist.
GIG EM AGGIES 28-24

Auburn at Georgia
They call this game…
“The Deep South’s Oldest Rivalry”
It’s going to be a good one
SIC EM DAWGS 34-24

Florida at South Carolina
Nobody (and I mean No Body) is giving the gators a chance to win this game.
I’m not just anybody….
It’s going to be close, real close and it could go either way.
GAMECOCKS 24-21

Tennessee at Arkansas
The Volunteer fans like to say “Go Big Orange!”
I say “Orange Crush”
HAWG-ZILLA’S 38-17

Miami at Florida State
This fierce instate rivalry in the Sunshine State is played for a lot more than a “trophy”
It’s played for a set of gold crunk teeth, a zodiac medallion and a 2 Live Crew CD….
Get your funk on Seminoles…
SEMINOLES 34-21

Wisconsin at Minnesota
This Big Ten (Something or another) Rivalry is played for the highly coveted…
“Gopher Cheese Trophy”….
That sounds kind of nasty if you ask me….
BUCKY BADGER 41-24

Michigan State at Iowa
This is going to be smash mouth “old” Big Ten Football at its finest.
It’s going to be one heck of a game; I am going with the home team in this one.
HAWKEYES 24-21

Wake Forest at Clemson
The Mighty Tigers are rested and Wake Forest has a wonderful Liberal Arts program designed to fit each students needs and desires to fulfill their dreams for the future.
That about sums it up….
DABO’S TIGERS 43-17

Enjoy Your Games….

Happy Birthday Marines and Keep your Hands out of your Pockets

RTR

THE CFB WIZARD

We have reached the end of the 2010 College Football Season….

In this last edition will have end of the Season Emails…..

A New Year’s message or two….

And the last segment of the 2010 Bowl Predictions…

To include the BCS National Championship game…

Thank you all for coming along for the ride this year…
I hope you all enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed bringing it to you.

Enjoy….

END OF YEAR EMAIL QUESTIONS & ANSWERS

Q: Hey Mister Wizard, I know Christmas is over (Merry Christmas by the way) but my family and I made a trip to Dollywood and seen the “Nutcracker”, it was a hell of a thing to watch!
If you ever get the chance you need to go see it!
Thanks for all the picks this year, we sure enjoyed them!
The Davis family – Union City, Tennessee

A: Thank you Davis family, for those kind words, however…
I refuse to see the “Nutcracker” because it makes me uncomfortable for reasons that should be abundantly obvious. In fact I am feeling uncomfortable right now writing about it…

Q: Dear Mister CFB Wizard –
Your description of esteemed Auburn University Trustee Bobby Lowder is inaccurate and offensive.
He is not a dictator nor is he some maniacal power hungry lunatic!

Sure he has fired an editor of the Auburn student newspaper, but it didn’t have ANYTHING to do with an article about him, hardly, it was because the kid had acne and grossed people out.

He not only is the PRESIDENT of Colonial Bank (Ever heard of it?) but he is also one of the nicest people on the planet. Sure he has fired coaches and hired others without the consent of the University, BIG DEAL!
He knows what is best for Auburn University, NOT YOU!

So what if he still pays coach’s NOT to coach, we have jobs for them like calling Bo Jackson to wake him up in the morning, so how about just shutting up about it!

Mr. Lowder is the kind of man that really cares about the student athletes at Auburn University!
If some football player from a disadvantaged home who just happened to have a father that is a Preacher and they get some “help” from Colonial Bank on a no interest loan that they know he won’t ever pay back and then they can just write it off, SO WHAT?

It’s none of your War Damn Eagle business

Sincerely,

Lobby Bowder – Auburn, Alabama

A: I can smell your fear from here “Lobby”….
I’m coming for you big boy…

Q: Dear Sir –
I have a problem and I hope you can help me.
My neighbors are “Tennessee Fans” and their children came out of the house on Christmas morning, wearing these horrible, glow in the dark (God awful!) orange clothes that were clearly given to them for Christmas by their parents.
Should I say something to their parents?

Charlotte – Columbia, South Carolina

A: Charlotte under no circumstances should you say anything to the parents.
The next time you see the children outside in such garb, immediately call child protective services.
That constitutes child abuse…..
Same can be said if a child is wearing Michigan Wolverine clothing….

Q: Dear Mister Wizard –
I was downright afraid after I read what Hootie Snitch wrote about Fulmer Claus coming into your house for Christmas! Now I ain’t completely sure but I think he may have snuck in our trailer house after we went to sleep.
Is there a sign or something that would tell me that Fulmer Claus was in our house?
Thanks and a Big Ole War Dam Eagle to you and Yours!

Chip and Susan – Opelika, Alabama

A: There are two signs actually Chip….
Your dog is pregnant and there are orange boogers on the couch….
The good news is the orange boogers should fit nicely with the rest of your décor….

Q: Mister Wizard –
First we want to thank you for a year of prognostications and humor!
Secondly I was wondering if you could settle a bet in our family this Christmas.
What is your favorite Christmas movie? Is it “It’s a Wonderful Life” or is it “Christmas Vacation” with Chevy Chase? (Those are the two choices we came up with)
Can you settle the bet for us; a fruit cake hangs in the balance.

The Roger’s Family – Little Rock, Arkansas

A: Thank you for the kind and generous words Roger’s Family….
However….
My two favorite Holiday Classics are Billy Jack and Lone Wolf McQuade with Chuck Norris.
I believe if Chuck Norris would have roundhouse kicked Mr. Potter in the first ten seconds of “It’s a Wonderful Life” there wouldn’t have been any need for Clarence the Angel to go through that nut roll to get his wings.

Q: Dear Sir –
I am somewhat surprised that a Neanderthal such as yourself and being a Marine as well, that you haven’t mentioned a word about the President eliminating the “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell Policy” from the Armed Forces. This is a glorious day in our country when homosexuals can proudly come out of the closet and into the mainstream of the military and I am perplexed as to your lack of commenting.
We were all expecting some kind of crude, childish sophomoric remarks from you.

Claire “Butch” Dykeson
Gay and Lesbian Coalition, San Francisco California

A: On the contrary Claire…..
I too am greatly encouraged.
Since the Government has decided to turn our once proud military into a perverted social experiment, It has motivated me to push legislation to end the worst of all injustices in our society today….
That’s right….
I am talking about not allowing blind people to operate heavy equipment, such as cranes and wrecking balls. The policy known as “If you can’t see, you can’t drive” has discriminated against blind people for decades. You may say; “what if they strike the wrong building with a wrecking ball?” And to that I say, you can put a price on a building but you can’t put a price on injustice.
I say end the discrimination and let blind people operate heavy equipment.

Makes sense, right?

NEW YEAR MESSAGE FROM HOOTIE SNITCH

First things First…..
Hope yawl all had a Very Merry Christmas…..

Because you better get ready…..

Cause in 2011 the Tennessee Volunteers are fixing to be Number Damn One!

So Happy New Year Yawl!
GO VOLS!

Hootie – Out!

DROPPING SOME KNOWLEDGE ON YO ASS FOR THE NEW YEAR
BY RUFUS JOHNSON

I was a thinking the other day and I wrote me a little poem about all the things been going on.

Here it goes….

Ah’s out by the pond, with an ice cold beer
Sippin dat brew, got a fish on da line.
Ah was thankin bout thangs, Ah saw on TV
On my old black and white, yeah, it suited me.

See they was a thang, on tha’ Eee-Ess-Pee-EeN
Said some Ohia State players, was guilty as sin.
Them boys took ‘em some britches, and trinkets and thangs
And sold ‘em all off, for what money they’d brang.

And ah got ta thankin bout the EN-Cee-A-A
And wonderin’ what kinda B.S., they was gon’ say.
Cause I member back, a couple a months
Bout that boy Cam, and some a his stunts.

Ole, Cam’s a big boy, he’s a helluba playa
Wore out dem Game-Cocks, ran ober a Gata.
But what stuck in my craw, was fore he came a Tiger
His daddy, a preacher, came off like a liar.

See there was some folks, from Miss’ssippi State
They wanted him bad, so he’d change their fate.
But HIS daddy Cecil, dat ole preacher man,
Was gon’ make ‘em pay, he wanted a few grand.

But he didn’t end up playin, over in Stark-ville
He signed with Auburn, gave them folks a thrill.
Now that left me thankin’, and scratchin my head,
How THEY got that boy, with no money bein’ shed.

But somebody got sump’in, ole Cecil cashed in.
Cause his church was in shambles, about to cave in.
But all of a sudden, ‘round first of the year,
His buildin’ was fixed up, all the church folks did cheer.

This whole situation, it stunk like a deuce,
Cause half the damn countrys, drankin’ Cammy Cam Juice.
One day he’s suspended, then one day he’s right back,
N-C-double-A, must’ve been high on crack.

They said that ole Cam, didn’t know what’s goin’ on
That his daddy’s at fault, just him that done wrong.
But the rules that they have, say any relation,
If they’s doin’ wrong, is gonna face some damnation.

So that arr’gant young buck, he got out and he played
Auburn climbed to Number one, and that’s where they stayed.
Gonna play Or’gon Quacks, gonna have a big bash,
Cause them College rules folks, all they want is cash.

So I scratched my head, right down to my scalp,
This whole situation, it aint worth a crap,
Cause what them college folks done, had no rhyme or no reason,
They need investigatin’, for fixin’ a season.

THE BOWL GAMES (PART II)

December 30th

Bell Helicopter Armed Forces Bowl
Forth Worth, Texas
Southern Methodist and Army
You are probably wondering why there is no security alerts issued for this game….
That there is no reported terrorist activity in the Fort Worth area…..
The answer is simple….
Chuck Norris lives near Fort Worth….

This one is for Dandy Don Meredith, the Mighty Mustang….
MIGHTY MUSTANGS 31-17

New Era Pinstripe Bowl
Bronx, New York
Kansas State and Syracuse
This Bowl Game in the “Bronx” in December….
(How damn stupid is that…)
Was originally called the “Car Jack Bowl”
Which is far more appropriate than naming a Bowl game after a type of suit…
WILDCATS 24-21

Franklin American Mortgage Music City Bowl
Nashville, Tennessee
North Carolina and Tennessee
This Bowl game is sponsored by a mortgage company?
Well, you know what that means….
The winner gets a trophy….
And the loser losses a house….
VOWELS 33-28

Bridgeport Education Holiday Bowl
San Diego, California
Nebraska and Washington
At first I thought the name of this Bowl game was a joke….
“Education” in California…..
They can’t balance the state’s budget because they are broke (Math)
They have a Governor that can’t speak English (Public Speaking)
A lot of people in the state are there illegally and can’t or won’t speak or write English rendering them illiterate (Writing)
The latest poll in Los Angles says that a preponderance of people there still think O.J. Simpson is innocent of the Murders of Nicole Brown and Ron Goldman (Mental Retardation)
And if you ever took the time to read a California High School History book, let me break it down for you….America sucks and it’s all Whiteys fault.
Education in California….
That is a joke…

CHILDREN OF THE CORN 28-21

December 31st

Meineke Car Care Bowl
Charlotte, North Carolina
Clemson and South Florida
I have a question concerning this sponsorship..
Who is this Jewish guy and why does he care about your car?
DABO’S TIGERS 33-17

Hyundai Sun Bowl
El Paso, Texas
Miami and Notre Dame
There was a time this was one hell of a game….
But it’s not that time…
HURRICANES 28-24

AutoZone Liberty Bowl
Memphis, Tennessee
Central Florida and Georgia
I like Memphis, maybe because I’m an Elvis man…
Thank you, thank you very much…
SIC EM DAWGS 34-24

Chick-fil-A Bowl
Atlanta, Georgia
Florida State and South Carolina
I have gotten a number of emails from both camps concerning this Bowl.
Here is the question that will determine the course of the game.
Which Garcia is going to show up for the Bowl game?
Here is your answer….
SEMINOLES 31-21

January 1st 2011

TicketCity Bowl
Dallas, Texas
Northwestern and Texas Tech
I cannot in good conscience support a Bowl game when the sponsors don’t even know where the damn game is being played. The game is in DALLAS, not TicketCity (Which I think is a speed trap outside of Nashville, Tennessee)
GET THOSE GUNS UP!
RED RAIDERS 31-28

Outback Bowl
Tampa, Florida
Penn State and Florida
Joe Pa’s Lions are better on paper….
But this is Urban’s last game as a Gator…
And it won’t be played on paper
MIGHTY GATORS 28-24

Capital One Bowl
Orlando, Florida
Michigan State and Alabama
The Co-Big Ten Champion against the 2009 National Champions
It’s going to be a heck of a game
CRIMSON TIDE 34-24

Gator Bowl
Jacksonville, Florida
Michigan and Mississippi State
The City of Jacksonville, Florida wisely passed an ordinance when they realized the Michigan Wolverines were invited to the Bowl game. It is illegal for Michigan Coach Rich Rod’s wife Rita to appear on any Jacksonville beaches in anything other than a NASA space suit.
Wise move….
BULLY DOGS 31-28

Rose Bowl game presented by VIZIO
Pasadena, California
Wisconsin and Texas Christian
This is a must see game between two outstanding programs…
I’m just not sure why a Japanese guy is presenting it….
THE POWER OF CHEESE WHIZ 28-24

Tostitos Fiesta Bowl
Glendale, Arizona
Oklahoma and Connecticut
The Boys from Connecticut are going to be introduced to…
A Oklahoma Ass Whipping..
Believe it
BOOMER SOONERS 43-17

January 3rd 2011

Discover Orange Bowl
Miami, Florida
Virginia Tech and Stanford
The Cardinal has too much Luck for the Fighting Turkeys
CARDINAL 38-21

January 4th 2011

Allstate Sugar Bowl
New Orleans, Louisiana
Arkansas and Ohio State
Everyone is picking the Buckeyes in this one…
Except me
HAWGS 31-24

January 6th 2011

GoDaddy.com Bowl
Mobile, Alabama
Miami (OH) and Middle Tennessee State
I dearly love Mobile and I would like to be in the Flora-Bama Lounge as your reading this…
However, what the hell are they doing scheduling this game the day after the Sugar Bowl?
I don’t get it…
REDHAWKS 34-17

January 7th 2011

AT&T Cotton Bowl
Arlington, Texas
Texas A&M and LSU
Before I make my selection here…..
It’s important to note that Jerry “dumbass” Jones helped move the Cotton Bowl from Dallas (Where God Almighty intended it to be, Amen) to his stadium in Arlington where the Cowboys play. I have on good authority that is why God is punishing the Cowboys and preventing them from going to the playoffs. Amen
HEY FIGHTN’ TIGERS 31-21

January 8th 2011

BBVA Compass Bowl
Birmingham, Alabama
Pittsburgh and Kentucky
I am all too familiar with the litany of acronyms across the military spectrum.
However, it confounds me as to why the maker of a compass has to put his initials in front of it.
Never mind…
JOKERS CATS 28-17

January 9th 2011

Kraft Fight Hunger Bowl
San Francisco, California
Boston College and Nevada
If “Kraft” really wanted to “Fight” hunger they would make those individually wrapped cheese slices easier to unwrap. Why the hell do those things have to be child proof anyway?
Its Cheese damn it.
PACK OF WOLVES 34-17

January 10th 2011

Tostitos BCS National Championship Game
Glendale, Arizona
Auburn and Oregon
No one is really talking about Oregon…..
Which traditionally isn’t a good sign for the favored team
However, I am going with the Southeastern Conference in this one…
And the best player money could buy.
WAR DAMN EAGLES 38-34

2010 Post Season……

I want to thank you all for reading my Prognostications and Diatribes this Season and I’ve enjoyed your comments both good and not-so-good, they keep me honest. I will have periodic updates up until the BCS National Championship game and there will be a post game review of the festivities. So stay tuned.
But before I depart I wanted to leave you all with a traditional greeting from my home country…
Happy New Year…..

Click here to view the embedded video.

God Bless you all and thank you again for reading.

ROLL TIDE
THE CFB WIZARD

Unlike the MSN Fox Sports Southern California Trojan loving “writer” Lisa Horne
This article and subsequent College Football Picks will be in English, not Ebonics, Pig Latin
or any other damn guttural slang.

Her latest article was entitled….
“Who’s Gett’n Diss’d by the Polls”
I am assuming this means…
“Which college football teams are not getting any respect from the pollsters?”

Simply put…
If you look up “Dumbass” in Webster’s Dictionary
It says…
“See Lisa Horne”

EDITORS NOTE: Lisa Horne makes Hootie Snitch look like Bill Shakespeare.

Now on to this weeks Picks…

This weekend we have Homecoming at the Capstone..
The Red River Shoot Out…
And the Battle for the Jeweled Shillelagh..
Which I am assuming is better than the battle for the infected shillelagh.
That’s just a guess.

Last week we got back on track at 49 and 10 or a vastly improved 83%
Overall we moved up at 289 and 75 or a slight improvement to 79%.

We have a lot of games to cover this week, so let’s get to it.
But as a side note…
I sure wish I was in Big D at the Texas State Fair this Weekend…
It’s going to be something to see

Enjoy your games!

Wednesday October 14th

Boise State at Tulsa
Not that I have an “inside track” on this game..
I just feel real comfortable with this pick..
Trust me…
BRONCOS 28-21

Thursday October 15th

Cincinnati at South Florida
This game is going to be a dog fight from start to finish
But the Boys from Chili Town are too tough for the Bulls
BEARKATS 34-21

Delta State at North Alabama
Nobody doubts my love of Okra, fighting or fried.
But the Mighty Lions of Alabama are just that…
LIONS ROAR 33-14

Saturday October17th

Arkansas at Florida
I won’t doubt the power of the Gators or the courage of Superman again
MIGHTY GATORS 28-14

Valdosta State at Harding
What was Harding thinking scheduling this game?
Harding better stay out that cider, I believe it’s turned hard.
BLAZERS 38-10

South Carolina at Alabama
Homecoming at the Capstone
What I wouldn’t give to be in T-Town on Saturday…
I can almost smell that Dream Land BBQ from here…
CRIMSON TIDE 28-17

California at UCLA
Let’s face it…
I have been lousy as hell picking PAC 10 games lately.
So I was forced to do something drastic to change my luck
I listened to an entire Boy George CD….backwards.
GOLDEN BEARS 24-20

EDITORS NOTE: The pain I go through to satisfy some fans…

Ohio State at Purdue
The Boilermakers have the same chance of winning this game..
as Rosie O’Donnell does of being in Playboy magazine. Bovine Monthly maybe…
MIGHTY BUCKEYES 28-13

Virginia Tech at Georgia Tech
The Rambling Wreck will soon learn the Hokey Pokey really is what it’s all about.
FIGHTN’ TURKEYS 24-20

Arkansas – Monticello at West Alabama
I finally figured out why the Boll Weevil mascot looks so familiar…
My sister-in-law “having a bad hair day…”
BOLL WEEVILS 23-17

Missouri at Oklahoma State
I have a question for the folks in Stillwater…
Where has the “Prairie Wind” touched you?
I’m just wondering..
COWBOY UP! 31-21

Texas Tech at Nebraska
Last year the Huskers “almost” won the game against the Red Raiders
There won’t be an “almost” this Saturday…
CORNHUSKERS 34-17

Kansas at Colorado
Please stop asking….
For the last time my sister-in-law is not be the “stunt” buffalo for Colorado.
She is busy filming the latest “Messing with Sasquatch” commercials.
Before you ask..
Yes, she got the “lead” part…
JAY of the HAWK 31-14

Georgia at Vanderbilt
The Big Dawgs break the chain this weekend…
Believe it
BAD DAWGS 33-13

Carson Newman at Lenoir Rhyne
I wonder if Lenoir is related to Leann Rhynes?
That gal is a home wrecker…
Not that it matters much here
SPARKS EAGLES 38-20

Delaware State at Michigan
There is no truth to the rumor..
that Coach Rod’s comment concerning the “ugly” game with Iowa
was a reference to having to set next to his wife on the plane trip back to Ann Arbor.
Glad I could clear that up…
WOLVERINES 54-0

Kentucky at Auburn
The Cats have one of the toughest schedules in the nation
It doesn’t get any better this weekend with the starting Cat quarterback out
Believe it
WAR DAMN EAGLES 38-14

Ouachita Baptist at Southern Arkansas
I am still not really sure what an Ouachita Baptist is…
But I do know these fundamental truths about religion..
Jewish people don’t recognize Jesus as the messiah
Protestants don’t recognize the Pope as a deity
And we Baptists don’t recognize each other in Hooter’s or at the Liquor store.
FIGHTN’ BAPTISTS 43-17

Baylor at Iowa State
The cyclones can’t generate enough wind to make a decent popcorn fart.
BEARS 31-21

North Carolina State at Boston College
The Wolfpack lost to Duke last Saturday…
That’s the equivalent of a grown man being beaten up by a four year old
Enough said….
CHESTNUTT HILL EAGLES 28-14

MIT at West New England
I had no idea MIT had a football team…
I know when my wife’s cousin-in-law attended the Mississippi Institute of Technology
They had a tire treading competition and a dairy judging team.
Who knew they had a football team?
MISS TECH 23-17

EDITORS NOTE: Admit it…
When you read “Cousin-in-law”, you thought, “Next on Springer”

Virginia at Maryland
I don’t know what they have been feeding the ninja turtles lately
But they need to keep doing it…
NINJA TURTLES 24-14

Colgate at Georgetown
Honestly..
This game was just a placeholder to remind me I need to pick some toothpaste

Wake Forest at Clemson
I don’t know why….
But every time I hear “Demon Deacons”
I think of Jimmy Swaggart all liquored up jumping up and down on a motel room bed
Sorry for the visual..
DABO’S TIGERS 31-17

Texas A&M at Kansas State
I hope PETA doesn’t hear about this game…
Because the wildcats are going to get gigged this Saturday
GIG EM AGGIES 23-14

Sam Houston State at Southeastern Louisiana
Sam Houston is a Hero of the Texas Revolution…
That’s good enough for me…
SAM’S CLUB 43-10

Central Michigan at Western Michigan
I don’t know about you but until recently
I thought “Chippewa’s” referred to a fancy name for chipped beef on toast
CHIPPEWA’S 33-17

Oklahoma at Texas
Dallas Texas….
The Texas State Fair…
Big Tex…
The Midway….
The Cotton Bowl..
This is a grudge match of biblical proportions
MIGHTY LONGHORNS 31-27

Louisville at Connecticut
Cardinal fans, did I mention Tommy Tuberville would like to coach again?
You know he’s available right?
Now would be a good time to call him..
HUSKIES 28-17

Northwestern at Michigan State
Sparky has got more spark than a dyslexic electrician
Not really sure what that means, but it sounded good the first time I said it.
SPARTANS 33-27

Iowa at Wisconsin
This Big Ten matchup is played for another coveted trophy..
Aren’t they all?
“The Heartland Trophy”
This trophy kind of looks like a foot with four toes; which is weird.
HAWKEYES 24-14

UAB at Ole Miss
There is good news here for the Blazers..
They don’t have to drive very far to get their ass kicked
NUTTY REBELS 44-10

Miami (OH) at Ohio
This Battle in the Buckeye State is played for the highly coveted..
“Monkey Clump Trophy”
I think it’s sponsored by Purina
BOBCATS 24-21

Wyoming at Air Force
Last week I predicted the Cowboy upset…
This week they will just be upset….
FALCONS 33-14

Southern California at Notre Dame
This game is played each year for the Jeweled Shillelagh
But for me this game…
Is like trying to decide who to pull for in a war between Iran and Syria.
FIGHTING IRISH 33-28

Minnesota at Penn State
It’s like Joe Pa always says…
“O’ So Golden Gophers….The other white meat”
JOE’S LIONS 28-17

Houston at Tulane
The Green Wave haven’t seen a storm like this since Katrina
COUGARS 44-14

Rice at East Carolina
Rice has one of the finest aeronautical engineering programs in the country
Yeah, that won’t help them much this weekend
PIRATES 31-17

Chattanooga at Georgia Southern
The Eagles are beat up and the boys from Moccasin Bend are for real
This one may be over before it starts…
MOCCASINS 28-24

Marshall at West Virginia
Nothing is bigger this weekend in West “By God” Virginia
The Friends of Coal Bowl for the Governor’s Cup
This is serious business
MOUNTAINEERS 34-17

Colorado State at Texas Christian
I know the question that is on your minds…
Can the Rams beat the horned amphibians this weekend?
Does the Pope poop in the woods?
HORNED FROGS 27-14

Mississippi State at MTSU
The Smurf Raiders of Murfreesboro will be left Blue when this one is over.
BULLY DOGS 31-17

Hawaii at Idaho
I wish “Dog the Bounty Hunter” had his own cable channel
But sometimes I just wish for too much…
VANDALS 28-14

Brigham Young at San Diego State
This game will be close until the opening kickoff….
I’m serious it really will be…
COUGARS 38-14

Stanford at Arizona
The Cardinal is for real, but their mascot “tree” is dumb as hell.
What do you expect from California; go figure
CARDINAL 24-10

New Mexico State at Louisiana Tech
The Dogs have been screwing up my average each week like it’s their job
They better Bark up this weekend..
I mean it..
BULLDOGS 24-20

Illinois at Indiana
Another Big Ten game, another game for a “coveted” rivalry trophy
This game is played each year for the “Velvet Scooter”
I think it was originally donated by the Liberace Foundation
ILLI-NOISE 24-21

Memphis at Southern Miss
The Boys from Hattiesburg rebound this weekend against Elvis’s Tigers.
Thank you, thank you very much.
GOLDEN EAGLES 24-17

Citadel at Western Carolina
I don’t know what a Catamount is, but it sounds nasty.
BULLDOGS 28-24

Miami (FL) at Central Florida
Another Battle in the Land of Disney for supremacy of the Sunshine State
Well, more like whose Second Best actually…
HURRICANES 38-10

Navy at Southern Methodist
I wish this were an “upset special”
But it isn’t…
MIDSHIPMEN 33-24

Washington at Arizona State
The Devils from the Sun play more like the residents of Sun City
HUSKIES 24-14

Utah at UNLV
So these two Ute’s were in Vegas to see David Copperfield…
Stop me if you’ve heard this one…
UTES 38-10

Enjoy your games and have a great weekend…

More College Football news to follow…
So stay tuned…

RTR
MEB

This week we have Battles over Wagon Wheels, Iron Skillets and Slabs of Bacon..

EDITORS NOTE: Not all together…..
Although they make a nice combo if you were out on the range

We have Lions, Tigers, and Bears and Fighting Okra…
Tussling over a variety of Paul Bunyan memorabilia, Mittens and a Victory Bell..
While others duke it out on Tobacco Road for bragging rights.

It’s that time of the year…..
Rivalries are in Season…

If you are keeping count and I know you are…..
Last Week Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator was 44 and 12 or 79%
That leaves us at 204 and 46 of 82% thus far in the season…

Enjoy!

THE GAMES

Wednesday September 30th

Hawaii at Louisiana Tech
I feel really confident about this pick…
Call it “Prognosticators Intuition”….
BULLDOGS 27-6

Thursday October 1st

Colorado at West Virginia
What I wouldn’t give to have a second hand furniture store in Morgantown…
I would have more money than Ernest Tubb in a few years.
Light those couches!
MOUNTAINEERS 24-20

Valdosta State at Delta State
Who doesn’t love a Fighting Okra?
My point exactly…
FIGHTN’ OKRA 27-23

Friday October 2nd

Pittsburgh at Louisville
Papa John Stadium is a mighty tough place to play in when the sun goes down
Johnny, this one is for you…
UPSET SPECIAL!!!!!!!!
CARDINALS 24-21

Utah State at Brigham Young
This particular game is played for the “Old Wagon Wheel”
But is only part of the bigger prize known as the Battle for the Beehive Boot
But I have question..
Wouldn’t that hurt if you put your foot in a boot full of bees?
Just wondering…
COUGARS 38-17

Saturday October 3rd

Alabama at Kentucky
In the immortal words of Steely Dan in Deacon Blues…
“They have a name for the winners in the world…
They call Alabama the Crimson Tide”
CRIMSON TIDE 31-17

EDITORS NOTE: I am sure they were referring to football in this particular song…
Because if it was basketball, then they would have mentioned Kentucky

Arkansas Tech at North Alabama
I can hear the Lion’s Roaring from here…
MIGHTY LIONS 38-10

Ole Miss at Vanderbilt
Sometimes I feel like a Nutt….
And this would be one of those times…
REBELS 24-21

Georgia Southern at Wofford
It doesn’t matter who Coach’s there…
The boys from Statesboro will always be….
ERK’S EAGLES 31-14

Penn State at Illinois
I made a key error in my Picks last week…
Last week I stated:
“I have on good authority that Joe Pa intends to harness the power of the sun
through his reading glasses and roast the Hawkeyes”
Little did I know…
The game was at night and Joe Pa did not have the Solar Panel 2500 mounted to his reading glasses.
That was my mistake….
There will be no such oversight this week…
Roast the Fighting Pumpkins Joe Pa!
JOE PA’S LIONS

LSU at Georgia
This game will be a shoot out from start to finish…
Hold on to your seats boys and girls
HEY FIGHTN’ TIGERS 33-28

Oklahoma at Miami
Since Utah is off this weekend..
I am under artistic obligation to state the following concerning this particular game…
I hope the two Ute’s that drive the Boomer Sooner wagon are careful this Saturday
Because they will be driving it around the stadium all afternoon
BOOMER SOONER 38-14

Austin Peay at Tennessee Tech
I don’t care that Austin peed all by himself!
Why name a college after something like that?
What’s next, Urinal Cake State?
This is disgusting
PEABODY 28-10

Virginia Tech at Duke
This game will be like pistol whipping a blind kid…
HOKIES 43-3

Georgia Tech at Mississippi State
UPSET SPECIAL!!!!!!
More Cow Bell!!!!!
Believe it Bully!
BULLDOGS 24-20

Virginia at North Carolina
This game is known as the “South’s Oldest Rivalry”
The contest between the two schools dates back to 1892
Who doesn’t love a grudge that has festered for over a hundred years?
TAR HEELS 23-17

Michigan at Michigan State
This semi-bitter instate rivalry is entitled…
“The Battle for the Mitten”

EDITORS NOTE: No, I didn’t make that up

With the “Winner” walking away with the “Paul Bunyan Trophy”
Not sure if the trophy includes Paul’s big blue ox “Babe”
I will continue to monitor the situation as it develops
WOLVERINES 33-24

EDITORS NOTE: There is no truth to the rumor…
This trophy was being replaced by a clay replica of Coach Rod’s Wife.
It is my understanding that the proposed “Skank Witch” Trophy
was deemed “inappropriate” by the Big Ten.
I hope that cleared up any misunderstanding

Texas A&M at Arkansas
This rivalry that began in 1903 was once known as the “Southwest Classic”
Now it has been reduced to an “out of conference game” for both teams
That makes me sad…
RAZORBACKS 24-21

Oregon State at Arizona State
This game is between the Sun Devils and the Beavers in the Valley of the Sun
This reminds me of a joke….
So stop me if you’ve heard this one…
These two Ute’s walk into a bar and setting there is the Devil and a Beaver…
And the One Ute says, “Hey, now that’s a nice Beaver…”
Never mind this going to get ugly…
SUN DEVILS 24-20

UCLA at Stanford
I would rather…..
Listen to Leonard Nimoy sing Led Zeppelin’s Greatest Hits than watch this game.
BRUINS 28-24

EDITORS NOTES: Just thinking about that made my ears bleed

Juniata at McDaniel College
Ole Danny Mac better have his head on a swivel..
I hear Juanita is in a foul mood…
JUANITA 33-17

Florida State at Boston College
I have no idea which one of these teams is going to show up
My Guess?
SEMI-NOLES 24-17

Clemson at Maryland
The rules here are simple….
A Tiger can beat a turtle…
I have seen enough of the Animal Planet to know that much…
DABO’S TIGERS 23-14

Wisconsin at Minnesota
This game is played annually for the coveted..
“Paul Bunyan’s Ax” and “a Slab of Bacon”….
I don’t know what the deal is this week about all the Paul Bunyan references
Unless it’s his birthday?
Not really sure how the tasty pork product fits into this equation…
Never mind….
O’ SO GOLDEN GOPHERS 28-21

Susquehanna at Merchant Marine Academy
It doesn’t surprise me that Susie decided to play the Merchant Marines
She always did love a man in uniform….
MARINERS 34-28

North Carolina State at Wake Forest
This War on Tobacco Road has been going on forever…
I bet the argument started over liquor…
Don’t they all?
WOLFPACK 23-17

Arkansas State at Iowa
I don’t know if you’ve seen the Iowa mascot…
“Herky the Hawkeye”?
That things head is almost as big as Wynonna Judd’s
Notice I said “almost”
HAWKEYES 38-10

Washington State at Oregon
This game is played for a trophy that looks eerily similar to Oprah Winfrey’s ass.
Not really I just made that up…
But that would be funny as hell wouldn’t it?
QUACKERS 33-10

South Carolina State at South Carolina
This game is going to get crazy ugly….
GAMECOCKS 53-10

Auburn at Tennessee
This story has very little to do with the game….
But it is simply too good not too share…
The owner of a golf course was confused about paying an invoice…
So he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.
He called her into his office and said…
“You graduated from the University of Tennessee right?
I need some help.
If I were to give you $20,000 dollars minus 11%, how much would you take off?”
The secretary thought a moment…
Then replied, “Everything but my earrings..”
WAR DAMN EAGLES 31-17

South Florida at Syracuse
Otto the Orange gets the juice squeezed out of him Saturday…
Believe it…
NO BULL 38-7

Carson Newman at Mars Hill
Thank goodness Coach Spark’s boys are playing Mars Hill this weekend…
If they were playing Uranus Tech…
I could take up the entire column with off color jokes and inappropriate antidotes.
SPARK’S EAGLES 33-21

East Carolina at Marshall
This game has a lot of meaning for many of us….…
The Pirates were the last team the Thundering Herd played on 14 November 1970
Before the plane crash claimed the lives of the son’s of Marshall University.
I won’t forget it, and neither should you.
Whatever game you watch this weekend…
When you see the score ticker run across the bottom of your television screen..
Pull for those current son’s of Marshall….
You will feel better for it, I promise
WE ARE MARSHALL 28-24

Tulane at Army
Every time I hear “Green Wave” I think about a leaky septic tank…
BLACK KNIGHTS 24-21

Hope at Trine
This first thing I thought was….
“I Hope I have Trine to make it to Homecoming this year…”
HOPE 24-10

Northwestern at Purdue
Frankly I am surprised…
We have another Big Ten game without any mention of Paul Bunyan
BOILERMAKERS 31-28

Cincinnati at Miami (OH)
The “Victory Bell” is at stake in this contest….
As opposed to the “Horribly Embarrassing Defeat Bell”
Nobody really wants that one…
BEARKATS 34-17

Ohio Northern at Muskingum
I cannot believe they named a college after a gum disease
I guess it’s still better than Halitosis Tech
Never mind…
POLAR BEARS 23-17

EDITORS NOTE: As a side note….
If you think I have been wrong all these years about Yankees…
Living ten miles from the Arctic Circle, then why would they name their team the “Polar Bears”?
Coincidence? I think not…

Kansas State at Iowa State
I have a safety tip for you…
If you hear David Hasselhoff scream “Awesome!”
Three times in a row in quick succession your head will explode.
CYCLONES 17-10

EDITORS NOTE: Don’t ask me how I know about the above claim
Just take my word for it…
But I will tell you the test involved a hamster.

Washington at Notre Dame
I don’t have any idea which Dog’s are going to show up
Will it be the Mighty Washington Huskies or the Hollywood Chihuahua’s?
I am guessing this one will be close….
Real close…
FIGHTING IRISH 28-24

Central Michigan at Buffalo
Two things I learned from watching movies about the American West…
One: Many Native Americans used buffalo as a major food source in the Western frontier
Two: John Wayne was a bad ass
I think Number One applies here..
CHIPPEWA’S 38-10

Wisconsin Oshkosh at Wisconsin Lacrosse
One thing I know for certain about this game…
There will be a lot people there that talk funny..
OSHKOSH BY GOSH 24-20

Memphis at Central Florida
This Conference USA battle is taken very seriously…
The Boy’s from Orlando have vowed this week…
To give Memphis the cryogenically frozen body of Walt Disney if they lose to the Tigers…
Well, look at the bright side…
It’s not like they are gambling with the Magic Castle
GOLDEN KNIGHTS 24-21

Air Force at Navy
This game will be a brawl for the Commander in Chief’s Trophy.
These boys will all play until the final whistle blows…
Believe that…
MIDSHIPMEN 33-31

Ohio at Bowling Green
In this Buckeye State Battle I will go with Coach Frank’s Cats
BOBCATS 28-17

Colorado State at Idaho
As I chronicled earlier in the week…
Mr. Potato Head only “has eyes” for that trashy Zelda Zucchini
Thought that up myself…
VANDALS 28-24

Ohio State at Indiana
I don’t know if the Hoosiers would have been better off..
If they would have taken my advice on accepting the sponsorship of a “major” chicken wing franchise
but I do know their cheerleaders would have gotten a lot better looking.
MIGHTY BUCKEYES 33-17

Kent State at Baylor
This is for the folks from “Protest U” that may be traveling to the game in Texas
Don’t get Wacko in Waco or you will wind up in Jail ’O
BEARS 43-10

New Mexico at Texas Tech
It’s time for Tech’s Saddle Tramps and High Riders
To get back on that horse and….
GET THOSE GUNS UP!
RED RAIDERS 34-23

Tulsa at Rice
The Tulsa mascot looks like the Elephant man stuck his head in a Hornets nest…
What does that have to do with a Hurricane that is Golden?
I have no idea..
GOLDEN HURRICANES 31-24

Southern California at California
I have a question for those folks from California “The Home of Diversity”
If someone from Ghana married a person from Korea…
Would their children be Gonorrhean’s?
Just wondering…
GOLDEN BEARS 23-17

EDITORS NOTE: Hey Coach Pete….
How’s that Dog Bite?

California Davis at Boise State
Cal Davis are known as the “Aggies”
But I like to think of them as another victim of the “Blue Monster”
BRONCO’S 44-10

Southern Methodist at Texas Christian
This is the “Battle for the Metroplex”
The game has been played every year since 1925 for the “Iron Skillet”
In the Dallas – Fort Worth area it doesn’t get any bigger than this on Saturday
UPSET SPECIAL!!!!!!!!!!!
MIGHTY MUSTANGS 31-24

Southern Miss at UAB
I don’t know why the Boy’s from Birmingham have a Dragon as a mascot…..
There aren’t any “dragons” in Birmingham and certainly not in Alabama
But I did have this blind date once in Trussville…
Forget I mentioned it
GOLDEN EAGLES 33-14

New Mexico State at San Diego State
This promises to be the best game on ESPN U at 0200 EST…
Believe it!
AGGIES 20-17

Houston at UTEP
The Big Cats from Cow Town are for Real…
You don’t think so?
They have more conference wins in Conference USA and the Big 12 than any other team
COUGARS 38-17

More next week….
So stay tuned

Enjoy your games ….

RTR
MEB

We have a lot of ground to cover, so let’s get too it.

Enjoy!

TEAM NEWS

OLE MISS: Some times you feel like a Nutt….
And sometimes the Rebels get their ass whipped..

CLEMSON: You Waz Robbed….

CONNECTICUT: I failed to mention that this past week’s game with Rhode Island..
Was played for the coveted “Ramnapping Trophy”
I offer my sincerest apologizes for not mentioning this magnificent award.
However, I wasn’t aware anyone actually played a football game….
For the right to win a trophy that resembles a Baboon’s ass.
Yankees are so weird…

EDITORS NOTE: Sorry for the visual…

PENN STATE: Damn It Joe Pa….

IDAHO: I feel the need to make a correction over last weeks picks.
Mr. Potato Head was not, I repeat not “running around” with Susie Squash.
It was that skanky Zelda Zucchini
Sorry for the confusion…

OKLAHOMA STATE: A side note about Cowboy Country…
If you are ever in Tishomingo Oklahoma you have go by Fish Tails…
They have the finest fried catfish north of the Red River….
The only thing that isn’t fried there is the delicious Cole slaw…
Tell them Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator sent you
and you are liable to get a good fish story

ALABAMA: Congratulations to my ole buddy Woodrow Lowe f
he has been elected into the College Football Hall of Fame and was honored at halftime of the Razorback –Crimson Tide game.
As a linebacker Woodrow had few equals in College Football…
He would hit you so hard that when you woke up your clothes were out of style.

VERN LUNDQUIST (CBS): You want to know how you can tell if Vern is going to say something stupid?
His lips start moving…

HOUSTON: Congratulations to the Mighty Cougars…
They now lead Conference USA and the Big 12 with the most wins in both conferences…

NOTRE DAME – PURDUE GAME: I also failed to mention that this contest
Is played annually for the coveted Shillelagh Trophy.
As in…
“Get your hands off my Shillelagh Trophy!”
Sorry, that sounded nasty.

MIAMI HURRICANES: Didn’t I tell you all that you were going to get Wang’d?

SOUTH FLORIDA: You guys are really good and that’s no Bull.

FLORIDA STATE: Bet you all wish….
You would have recruited that “little” quarterback from Tallahassee now, don’t you?

EDITORS NOTE: Before any of the Seminole Faithful write me this week about it…
Congratulations on “maybe” being the Fourth or Fifth Best College Football Team in the entire State of Florida! I know that was a lofty goal to shoot for….
So Congratulations!

MICHIGAN: Two words for the Wolverine Faithful after last weeks game: “Home Cooking”

EDITORS NOTE: And I thought only Notre Dame got “Hometown Referees”

COACH BOBBY BOWDEN: Due in large part…
To the recent Seminole set back at the hands of the South Florida Bulls
The FOX Network has placed a hold on the pilot episode of the new fall program entitled “The Bowden Boy’s”
As you may already know this program will show Coach Bobby and his sons on a number of “adventures” in a “reality” show format.
I know the Seminole faithful were anxiously awaiting the pilot episode which showed Coach Bobby and his son’s on a camping trip that took place this past spring.
After all who doesn’t want to hear Coach Bobby say
“Get your hands off my wiener”

OREGON: As I look Back, I guess the Quacks aren’t all that Whack

OHIO STATE: If you want to know why I still consider the Buckeyes undefeated
I present a picture of the Trojan 4th down play at the Ohio State goal line…..
That my friends, is NOT a touchdown….

EDITORS NOTE: I don’t know how……
The Buckeyes got “Michigan” referees, but I would do a background check on them next time.
I’m just saying.

CALIFORNIA: Say it with me…..
O-V-E-R-A-T-E-D!

WASHINGTON: Bad Dogs

NORTHERN ILLINOIS: Please see “Washington” above..

EMAIL QUESTIONS & ANSWERS

Q: Dearest Michael,
First let me say that I appreciate that you are named after my favorite angel
However, Thy must postpone all thy activities until thou has helped me solve a problem of biblical proportions. Recently I had a new arrival to mine lofty quarters.
I asked this rather pious individual if thou deserved to be here.
This putrid gnat replied that he did not have to answer to me…
Nor any laws and commandments during his lifetime other than his own.
He also continued by saying that if I had any further inquiries or needed information from me that I should refer to his website for an official transcript, but, that, however, I couldn’t download anything.
I am considering..
Therefore by mine own glorious and powerful hand, that I will answer thine prayer, mine own humble servant.
However, mine question is, should this Myles Brandt heathen, be sent packing to join St Lucifer at the fiery gates of hell or should he be put in the current purgatory which is known as U$C Football to have endless conversations with that spawn of Satan, Pete Carroll?
I await your reply.

Respectfully
Saint Peter
A Huuuuuuuuuuuuge SEC fan

A: Your call Pete and while we are on the topic…
Thank the Big Guy again for the Iron Bowl win and getting me out of that little scrape in Fallujah this year.
Now about that promise I made….
You knew I wasn’t serious about becoming a Priest, right?
Cause I got this “thing” about women…

Q: Mike I have a problem that I hope you can help me with.
My shift has changed at the plant and the Bosses are telling me I have to work every College Football Saturday’s until January.
I will miss the entire damn season, do you have any suggestions?
Thanks!
Troy – Birmingham, Alabama

A: Four words Troy: TiVo, DVR Roll Tide

Q: Dear Mr. Wizard
We cannot believe you picked our Hokies over the Hurricanes and it happened!
That game ROCKED!
How did you do it?
We were studying how geniuses are tortured souls or something like that.
Are you some kind of tortured genius or something?
The Ladies of Tri Delta – Blacksburg, Virginia

A: All of the above

Q: Dear Sir, I have but one question for you.
Why do you hate the University of Southern California so much?
Thank you
Shelia – Los Angeles, California

A: What’s not to hate Shelia?

Q: Dear Mr. Wizard
I enjoy how you are always saying there are “No Palm Trees in Miami, Ohio”
But just for the record
Miami of Ohio was a University before Florida was a state.
And in case you forgot and we hope you haven’t…
Miami of Ohio is the cradle of football coaches…
Dan – Miami of Ohio

A:No disrespect intended Dan; I know the fine history of Miami of Ohio quite well.
I also know the great Webb Eubank used to live in town…
I just wish you all were still called the “Redskins” instead of the Red Hawks; I think that’s stupid.

Q: Listen Mister Wizard or whatever you call yourself.
Coach Phil Fulmer is Not some kind of Krispy Kreme addict!
Making fun of him in that way is hurtful!
What makes you think he is a Krispy Kreme addict anyway?
Let’s Go Clogging Dance Club – Strawberry Plains, Tennessee

A: Have any of you seen the lapel pin he wears on his jacket?
He is either a supporter of Krispy Kreme or he is one “K” short of another kind of club.

Q: Mike, what the Hell is wrong with the Duke Blue Devil football team?
We have some new cool looking uniforms and helmets and we even reconfigured our end zones, they look awesome! So what’s the real deal?
Daniel – Durham, North Carolina

A: You can paint wings on a rock Daniel, but it’s still just a rock.

Q: Mike how does the NCAA go about finding a successor for Myles Brand as President? Thanks, we enjoy your column here.
Tim – Helena, Arkansas

A: Thank you Tim, I appreciate those kind words.
The process for selecting a successor is quite complicated as outlined by Myles Brand himself.
It involves a human sacrifice and then an appearance by the Prince of Darkness.
Who in case you were wondering is a huge U$C Trojan fan…

Q: Mike, you haven’t seemed yourself lately, are you alright?
Faye – Liberty, Texas

A: Thank you for asking Faye, I had a touch of Disco Fever that developed into a mild case of Boogie Woogie Flu, but fortunately it won’t move into rocking pneumonia.

Q: Dear Mr Wizard,
We’re raisin’ money down here in South Georgia for our own very Joe Cox statue here in beautiful Ludowici. Have you ever heard of them fishin roundups at those boat and fishin pole shows?
Yeah, they have those.
They fill up a big ole fish tank with water and put in a bunch of fish and let people fish.
Well whoever catches the winning fish gets a prize.
What we decided to do was just take’r on up a notch.
I got this little ole john boat and put it in my above ground pool.
Then we went out and caught us a mess of bass and bream and stocked that pool up
and stapled a plastic tag on one of ems back that says “Bullddawg Winner!!” and whoever gets that fish gets the john boat, a six pack of beer, and
a dozen packs of Oscar Meyer wieners for a cookout!!!
We’re gonna take the rest of the money and collect it to build us a Joe Cox statue
cause he’s the best quarterback in the whole United States!!
Could you put a little something on your website?
I know lots and lots of Georgia football faithful are football and fishin fanatics and I thought this would be a great place to advertise!!
Plus, I kinda felt guilty about me and the rest of the Bulldawg faithful and that Junyard Blawger from the AJC raking him over the coals a couple of weeks ago after we got spanked by them O K State boys.
Thanks Mr. WIZ
Lenny in Ludowici, Georgia

A: Lenny let me guess…
You’re into the “homemade” liquor now aren’t you?

Your College Football Week 5 Picks will be out on Thursday…
So stay tuned folks..

RTR
MEB

Much like Richard Petty…..
It’s good to be the King….

Last week Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator……
Finished Week One at 63 and 7 or a rather remarkable 90%…..
Not to mention…
Hitting the “Upset Special” and the exact score of the game…

However, even with this wonderful statistic..
I was roundly criticized in an email last week that said my writing style “wasn’t sophisticated enough…..”
The email went on to state that my website “should be more artsy”……

Me not sophisticated enough?

So with that in mind and in an effort to add some “sophistication” to my website….
I am going do a portion of the Week Two College Football Picks..
Through “Interpretive Dance”
Let me get loosened up before we get started, I don’t want to pull a hamstring…

THE GAMES

Thursday September 10th

Clemson at Georgia Tech
I wish I had better news for my Tiger faithful…
But I am serious about going on strike…
If I have to endure another season without tailgating with my adopted Clemson Family.
YELLOW JACKETS 28-17

Campbellsville at Carson Newman
Do you know what the mascot from Campbellsville is called?
“Gaylord the Camel”…..
Enough said…
SPARKS EAGLES 31-10

Slippery Rock at Kutztown
I wonder if Kutztown is close to Funky Town?
GOLDEN BEARS 24-20

Friday September 11th

Colorado at Toledo
When I read the Buffalos would be playing the Rockets…
I thought….
Wouldn’t it be great if I could put my sister-in-law on a rocket to Mars
I know…
Sometimes I wish for too much.
BUFFALOS 24-20

Worchester Tech at Worchester State
This Worchester Sauce rivalry has gotten out of hand…
I would pick this game, but I am a Tabasco man…
Sorry..

Saturday September 12th

Idaho State at Oklahoma
I couldn’t help but notice…
My River Dance closely resembles the Sooners running game this coming weekend
SOONERS 38-0

Syracuse at Penn State
I just hit by toe on the damn coffee table…
I need ice and some Tylenol…..
JOE PA’S LIONS 34-10

North Carolina at Connecticut
Don’t worry..
I can do the “Hula” with ice on my foot….
But it makes me wonder….
Did they call Don Ho’s wife, “Mrs. Ho”?
That’s just wrong…
TAR HEELS 24-21

Eastern Michigan at Northwestern
Before you ask….
“No” I am not wearing a grass skirt and a coconut bra…
WILDCATS 33-17

Richmond at Delaware
My Labrador Retriever “Doc”…
Must have thought I wanted to play while I was performing the “Hula”.
When I wasn’t paying attention he jumped up and hit me square in the Jimmy..
I have to set down for a minute…
BLUE HENS 28-24

Western Michigan at Indiana
Hoosier Bronco?
Sounds like the standard greeting at a Village People reunion Concert
HOOSIERS 24-20

Central Michigan at Michigan State
I need to limp into the kitchen and get another bag of ice…
Doc really nailed me
SPARTANS 38-10

Stanford at Wake Forest
Doc must have used both his front feet….
Because just for a second I thought I was going to pass out…

Wait, I need to concentrate on this game
Lets see…
We have the California “Tree” and that other mascot….
That looks like Jimmy Swaggart after a weekend bender
DEMON DEACONS 28-24

Fresno State at Wisconsin
Behold the Power of Pasteurized Velveeta
BADGERS 31-24

Duke at Army
One of the First signs of the coming Apocalypse?
The Black Knights of the Hudson win two games in a row…
BLACK KNIGHTS 33-14

Albion at Thiel College
“Tonic” has his own college?
He must have more money squirreled away than Ernest Tubb
But I have to ask….
Why is he playing against one of Prince’s former backup singers?
TONICS 24-17

EDITORS NOTE: The above was intended as an inside joke…
If you didn’t get it, don’t worry about it.

Pittsburgh at Buffalo
I wonder….
Is Pittsburg playing the City, the College or the Animal?
They need to be more specific..
PANTHERS 38-10

Iowa at Iowa State
This battle for instate supremacy is played for the coveted Cy-Hawk Trophy
Not really sure what that is…
But I am betting it’s not as valuable as the Floyd of Rosedale…
I just found out the Floyd of Rosedale is a Trophy of a Bronze Pig ..
How cool is that?
HAWKEYES 24-23

Troy at Florida
This is going to get uglier than my sister-in-law’s Prom Night
Minus the midnight blue eye shadow…
MIGHTY GATORS 54-10

Marshall at Virginia Tech
This is an excellent opportunity for me to perform….
The “Hokie Pokey….:”
Wait? Is it “put my left foot in” or the other way around?
Now I am confused…
I hope I don’t pull something..
HOKIES 38-10

Arkansas State at Nebraska
I knew I shouldn’t have attempted the “Electric Slide”….
After my wife just waxed the kitchen floor
I can’t believe I broke the coffee pot….
CORNHUSKERS 43-13

Kent State at Boston College
The folks from Kent State are known as the “Golden Flashes”
What are they referring too?
A bunch of old People flashing traffic in front of the Rest Home?
Sorry for the visual…
CHESNUTT HILL EAGLES 41-7

Gallaudet at Hiram
I knew and old man named Hiram when I was a little boy…
He was the toughest man I ever knew…
This fancy pants Frenchman wouldn’t stand a chance against him..
HIRAM SISK 43-24

Texas at Wyoming
Longhorns stampede Cowboys….
Film at Eleven…
MIGHTY LONGHORNS 45-16

Houston at Oklahoma State
The Cowboys had better be careful…
The Cougars are for real….
COWBOY UP! 33-28

Texas Christian at Virginia
If the Cavaliers couldn’t beat a liquored up Bill and Mary
Then they sure can’t take a Horned Frog down…
It’s a rule…
HORNED FROGS 28-17

Susquehanna at Juniata
There is nothing quite like watching two Mexican girls fight…
While I perform the Macarena.
JUNIATA 17-10

Brigham Young at Tulane
The Green Wave will be reduced to a chartreuse trickle before this one is over..
COUGARS 33-13

Notre Dame at Michigan
In honor of this game…
I will now perform the Polka…

But to be perfectly honest…
I would rather be water boarded than listen to polka music..
FIGHTING IRISH 28-17

Howard at Rutgers
Howard? Howard Sprague from the Andy Griffith Show?
Doesn’t really matter here….
Because Barney Fife is still the man…
SCARLETT KNIGHTS 38-0

Idaho at Washington
Keeping with the theme of “Idaho”…
I will now perform the “Mash Potato”…
MIGHTY HUSKIES 31-24

East Carolina at West Virginia
I love the smell of burned couches smoldering in the morning air…
It smells like…
Victory…
MOUNTAINEERS 34-24

Louisiana Tech at Navy
I won’t doubt the Midshipmen again…
At least not this week…
MIDSHIPMEN 33-24

South Arkansas at Valdosta State
Now this is a shame…
The Folks from “Football Country” in Valdosta Georgia…
Used to be known as the “Rebels”
But since that is deemed as “racist” by a bunch of Yankees
They are now known as the “Blazers”…
What is so scary about a nice sport coat?
Who sponsors them, The Men’s Wearhouse?
MEN’S WEARHOUSE 31-28

Southern Methodist at UAB
My Poor Ponies will be outmatched in this one…
That’s all I have to say about that…
BLAZERS 33-17

EDITORS NOTE: Why are these “Blazers” mascot a Dragon?
Is it a well dressed Dragon? A Dragon wearing a sport coat?
It doesn’t make sense to me…
Never mind…

UCLA at Tennessee
It seemed at first glance…
That performing a Tennessee version of a “Ho-Down” would be most appropriate for this game.
But that term has an entirely different meaning in OBKnoxville….
When a person says “Ho-Down” in OBKnoxville..
It is usually followed by someone yelling, “And call the Po-lice!”
VOWELS 33-24

Georgia Southern at South Dakota State
As far as I am concerned….
When it comes to Statesboro…
Coach Russell is still the man, the myth and the Legend.
EAGLES 24-21

Weber State at Colorado State
Have I mentioned lately…
That the folks from Weber make a wonderful little grill perfect for tailgating?
RAMS 31-14

Eastern Washington at California
Since the State of California has become “Mexico North”, I will now perform…
The Flamingo…
What’s with holding your hand in the air while you snap your fingers?
I don’t get it..
GOLDEN BEARS 44-10

Jacksonville State at Florida State
I almost lost my fingers in the damn ceiling fan…
I need to get some more ice and take some more Tylenol
SEMINOLES 34-0

James Madison at Maryland
I am not to sure about Jim….
But I know his lovely wife Dolly makes some wonderful donuts
Not that it matters here
FIGHTING TURTLES 31-17

La Grange at Shorter College
I KNEW there was a college for midgets!
HAW HAW HAW 24-14

EDITORS NOTE: In case you didn’t know..
The above Pick was in reference to my favorite ZZ Top song…

Murray State at North Carolina State
My Tennessee Vol “Salute” finger is so swollen it looks like a hotdog…
Glad I didn’t lose it…
WOLFPACK 23-17

Florida International at Alabama
The Folks from Florida should know all about High Tides by now…
CRIMSON TIDE 34-0

Vanderbilt at LSU
The Commodores haven’t beaten the Tigers in LSU since 1951..
That streak continues Saturday Night…
HEY FIGHTN’ TIGERS 33-10

South Carolina at Georgia
This game is going to bloodier than Prom night at the Butcher School
DAWGS 20-17

North Alabama at Henderson State
The Boys from Florence get it done again this week…
LIONS 33-10

Mississippi State at Auburn
Get the toilet paper out Tiger fans….
And head on down to Toomer’s Corner…
WAR DAMN EAGLE 28-17

Air Force at Minnesota
I always thought “Salsa” was just a tasty dip with tortilla chips..
And “Doing the Salsa”..
Meant somebody had to run down to Piggly Wiggly to get more dip at halftime.
Who knew it was actually a dance?
FALCONS 28-24

Bowling Green at Missouri
Despite the fact “Curley” is my favorite of the Three Stooges..
I still have go with MO in this one..
MO’S TIGERS 33-13

Hawaii at Washington State
I was going to watch this game….
But, the North American Pineapple Skinning Championships are on ESPN U…
I can’t miss it…
Sorry…
WARRIORS skipping over RAINBOWS 6-3

Illinois State at Illinois
“Run here come the Sycamore Trees!”
Sorry, I still don’t get it…
FIGHTN’ PUMPKINS 31-10

Central Florida at Southern Miss
On paper this is going to be a really close game…
But they don’t play football games on paper.
GOLDEN EAGLES 27-23

Rice at Texas Tech
I would never disappoint my Red Raider faithful
GET THOSE GUNS UP!
RED RAIDERS! 34-17

Kansas at Texas El Paso UTEP
I figured out what “Salsa” means in Spanish…
It means…
“If you aren’t careful, you will pull a muscle in your hip”
JAYHAWKS 23-21

South Florida at Western Kentucky
I really didn’t think this whole “Interpretive Dance” idea through..
Or I would have bought more ice..
NO BULL 31-17

Southern California at Ohio State
Maybe I have injured myself too much today with my interpretive dance..
Or maybe it’s just wishful thinking…
It could just be my deep hatred of everything Southern California
Either way…
I am a believer
MIGHTY BUCKEYES 24-17

Miami (Ohio) at Boise State
Remember you heard it here first…
The Broncos will finish the season undefeated…
BRONCOS 34-10

Tulsa at New Mexico
My hand is so swollen from catching it in the ceiling fan that I am typing with my elbow.
Not the one I hit with the coffee pot, the other elbow.
But setting on this ice pack makes me appreciate how polar bears must feel.
GOLDEN HURRICANES 33-28

Northern Arizona at Arizona
I was going to do this ballet thing….
But I think I broke my toe on the coffee table earlier doing the damn River Dance
Sorry..
WILDCATS 6-3

Purdue at Oregon
I was trying to think of something positive to say about the Quackers
But the Tylenol is starting to kick in…
BOILERMAKERS 23-17

Utah at San Jose State
I have a semi-unrelated Philosophical question for you…
If San Jose is everybody’s Home Coming Game…
Then who do they play at Home Coming?
Makes you wonder. Doesn’t it?
TWO UTES 34-10

Oregon State at UNLV
Next time I want to do the picks through “Interpretive Dance”
I think I will just have somebody beat me with a fungo bat for an hour.
It won’t hurt nearly as bad…
MIGHTY BEAVERS 38-17

After I return from the Emergency Room…..
I will have a special update for you tomorrow…
So stay tuned….

Enjoy your games…

RTR
MEB

Our wait has been rewarded….
No, I am not talking about Michael Jackson finally being buried….

Week One of the 2009 College Football Season is behind us….
So let’s take a quick look back at some of the games that took place over the Labor Day Weekend
and answer a few Email Questions and Answers.

Forgive me for a moment…
Before we look back at our weekend college football games I need to make a few apologizes……

WEEKEND CORRECTIONS: In no particular order…..

ARMY BLACK KNIGHTS: Who knew you could actually beat a school that didn’t have “culinary” in their school name?

IDAHO VANDELS: I have never met a potato I didn’t like…..
So what was I thinking?

NORTH ALABAMA LIONS: Shame on me for doubting the Mighty Lions…
It won’t happen again…..

LABOR DAY WEEKEND REWIND

ESPN COLLEGE FOOTBALL GAMEDAY:
It was great to see Coach Lee Corso back on College Gameday.
It wouldn’t have been the same without you Coach…
Welcome Back…..

ABC/ESPN COLLEGE FOOTBALL MUSIC INTRO:
This past weekend and presumably for the entire college football season, viewers will be forced to listen to Kenny Chesney’s nasally voice open the televised game of the week with a “song” that has nothing to do with the contest at hand.

EDITORS NOTE: It’s like this….
If I want to hear a gay guy in a cowboy hat sing…
I would prefer to listen to Elton John singing “Saturday Nights Alright for Fighting”.
At least that’s more appropriate for a college football game.

IOWA: You Hawkeyes got by the Panthers by the hair of your Chinny Chin Chin

EDITORS NOTE: The above comment….
Was not intended in any way as a reference to the San Francisco phone book….

MISSOURI: I love the Three Stooges, so I should have known better…
Sorry I doubted you MO….
Great win Tigers….

WILLIAM & MARY: I don’t know what Bill and Mary were drinking this weekend, but I do know they kicked Virginia’s butt.

THE NAVAL ACADEMY: These Midshipmen are tougher than my sister-in-law’s pot roast. And that is really saying something…

EDITORS NOTE: And as side note….
If you haven’t seen the Midshipmen play football…
Let me say this….
You don’t know what you are missing….
Midshipmen Ricky Dobbs is one of the finest college football players I have ever seen.

PENN STATE: Good to see you back on the sidelines Joe Pa…..
We missed you…

ASSUMPTION: After this past weekend….
I think we can “assume” you know how to whip some Worchester Sauces ass…

OKLAHOMA: You didn’t believe my picks this week did you?
Especially that one Sooner fan that wrote me from Kansas City….
What did I tell you?
“Don’t count the Cougars out of this one…”Enough said…

SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA: I love how the National Sports media makes San Jose State sound like the New England Patriots…

MIAMI HURRICANES: One down….three tough games in a row, to go…

COLONIAL ATHLETIC CONFERENCE: In case you weren’t keeping score…
Colonial Athletic Conference “2” – Atlantic Coast Conference “0”

OREGON: By now we have all seen the meltdown by Duck running back LeGarrette Blount after the Boise State game last Thursday night.

In case you didn’t know, he was the Oregon player that said weeks leading up to the Boise State game..
“We are going to give them (Boise State) an ass whipping”

He is the very same player that was “suspended indefinitely” earlier in the year for violating team rules.

He was being promoted by the Ducks as a Heisman Trophy candidate…..

And as you may also know….
Following the “incident” after the game….
The University of Duck “suspended” him for the season, but allowed him to stay on scholarship and practice with the football team.

National Sports Media’s Reaction……

Former Michigan Great Desmond Howard stated on ESPN’s College Gameday…
“The Boise State player had to have said something to provoke Blount.”
Howard went on to state….
“There is never any reason to taunt another player”, referring to the alleged taunt by the Boise State player that set Blount on his way to a full fledge national televised meltdown.

EDITORS NOTE: Really Desmond?
So what were you doing when you struck the Heisman pose in the Ohio State game?
Taunting or just bragging?

My Take….
Blount is a thug and a coward.
I don’t care what the Boise State player said to him…
When you run your mouth before the game, you have to take it after the game.

Although it is nice to know the University of Quack rewards bad behavior, or perhaps they are preparing him for a career in the NBA, but there is no rational reason to keep him on scholarship or on the football team.
Enough said…

SIDELINE REPORTERS: Holly Rowe is the best sideline reporter in the Business.
Period…..
And as a side note: The people that write ugly things about her weight in blogs should be ashamed of themselves.
It just goes to show you how ugly some people can act…..

ESPN PART II: Just a reminder for College Football Commentator Mark Jones…..
This is College Football, not the Snoop Diggity Dog Show….
So drop the ear ring while you are on television jackass…

MICHIGAN: This past week a number of current and former wolverine players have stated that Coach Rich Rod routinely violates NCAA rules related to the time student athletes can spend on football related activities.

I found the National Sports Media’s reaction to this story interesting….

National Sports Media’s Reaction……

MARK MAY of ESPN: “Listen people; everybody does it, this isn’t a big deal”

JOHN SAUNDERS of ABC: “It sounds like some disgruntled student athletes to me, because everybody in college football does it.”

My Take……
So is that how it is when something happens north of the Ohio River?
“Everybody does it”
Meanwhile, the NCAA is trying to price the cost of “Live Bait” for three Crimson Tide players to repay the cost of a fishing trip and calling it “entertainment”.
But still not a word on the “investigation” into Reggie Bush and the Southern California Trojans….
We see how it is….
NCAA rules only apply to the Universities in the South……

ABC COLLEGE FOOTBALL: What in the Holy name of Darrell Royal is Bob Griese doing commentating on a college football game?
He not only doesn’t know anything, he doesn’t even suspect anything either.

CONGRATULATIONS…..
Congratulations to former Ohio State Buckeye Great Chris Spielman for being selected for induction into the College Football Hall of Fame.
He has always been a Class act on and off the field, this award is richly deserved.
And as a side note….
I hope Chris’s beautiful bride, Miss Stefanie starts feeling better real soon.

COLLEGE FOOTBALL PICKS WEEK ONE “UPSET SPECIAL”……In case you didn’t notice…
Not only did your favorite college football prognosticator pick Baylor over Wake Forest last week in the “Upset Special” but hit the score right on the money as well.
No need to thank me…..
It’s what I do..

EMAIL QUESTIONS & ANSWERS

Q: Dear Mister Wizard
I have a question that I hope you can answer.
I enjoy reading your articles and I really like the new website, but each time I read one of your articles, I see you writing your article while riding a unicorn through clouds that look a lot like cotton candy.
Is this normal?
Jack McCracken – Cincinnati, Ohio

A: I don’t know which is more disturbing…
The email or your name…

Q: Mike, what is the deal with all these short receivers in the Southeastern Conference?
The running backs aren’t much bigger either, so is this some kind of a trend?
Ted – Fredericksburg, Virginia

A: Ted, it doesn’t matter if you are two inches taller than an Umpa Lumpa, as long as you are faster than a speeding bullet.

Q: Dear Sir,
I am a fan of Oregon and have the following question.
Our star running back LeGarette Blount, AKA Run El Gee Bee, has been suspended for the season. I think this punishment was way too severe considering the guy he allegedly punched was able to walk away afterward.
Also, those Boise State fans were taunting this poor young man……
How could you expect him to behave himself in such a hostile environment?
With this in mind, what are the chances that Oregon could maybe redshirt this fine upstanding young man so that he could come back and play next year?
Chip – Eugene, Oregon

A: What are the chances of reinstating him?
I would say the chances are Slim and None and Slim has left town…

Q: Hey Mister Damn Knows it all!
We is on our way to the National Championship, so how you a liking them apples?
The Tennessee Vols done went an beat one whole side of Kentucky last week!
I believe it was the whole western part of the state!
I ain’t sure if that includes Lousiville, but I am pretty sure it includes Paducah.
Imagine what we a going to do the rest of the year!
Go Vols!
Scooter Cooter – Twisted Branch, Tennessee

A: Tennessee Fans should really look into getting “Spell Check”….

Q: Mike now that your website is getting more and more popular…
Have you been approached by any advertisers?
We love the website by the way!
Barbara – Ardmore, Oklahoma

A: Thank you Barbara for the kind words…
As you know the economy is in a tight spot…..
So advertising is hard to come by these days….
However I have been approached by Yoder’s Meat and Cheese Company….

Nothing says goodness….
Like canned Amish Meat and Cheese…
It’s fun for the whole family…

http://www.yodersmeatshoppe.com/prime-meat.php

Stop laughing I am serious…

Your picks will be out later in the week…
So stay tuned…

RTR
MEB