Thanksgiving is here and it’s time for us all to be thankful and count our blessings; and this Thanksgiving with have a menu full of hard feelings, rivalries and animosity.

For your viewing pleasure we have Civil Wars, Clean Old Fashioned Hate, Battles and Bells, Showdowns, Golden Boots and a variety of Cups, one is even an Apple Cup.
Then we have a Bowl of Iron.

So set back and relax, while you can; It’s Rivalry Weekend

Enjoy your Picks…..

POST WEEKEND REPLAY

Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator was a rather surprising (All things considered) 47 and 16 or 75% last week.
That leaves me at 635 and 180 or 78% after 12 weeks of the 2011 college football season.
But let’s not focus on the negative here.

It’s Thanksgiving and I am more of a Norman Rockwell traditionalist when it comes to this wonderful holiday. I know that’s “old fashioned” but I enjoy it.

There are so many traditions, too many to mention, and certainly each family has their own traditions they adhere to this time of year.
And for many of us it’s a time of deep reflection and melancholy as we remember the Thanksgivings of yesterday.

But I think perhaps my favorite Thanksgiving tradition is when sometime during the festive weekend I get all liquored up and decide to make some bad decisions.

Don’t judge me; half of you are planning on doing the same thing.

Have a Great Thanksgiving

SOUTH GEORGIA FOOTBALL NEWS and VIEWS

Hello, to you all. I went to a football game Friday night and watched some college ball on Saturday. But, this week, I’m not going to write about those games because a guy you may have heard of, originally from Minneapolis Minnesota, died Sunday night and I’m sad.
His name was Larry Munson. I loved listening to that man. I know if you are a Georgia Bulldog football fan, you loved listening to him too. Larry was like us. He was one of us.
When me and the rest of the folks down here go to see the Telfair Trojans on a Friday night, we don’t care anything about Clinch, or Hawkinsville, or Wilcox. We’re pulling for our team to beat anybody that walks on that field against us.

Maybe that’s why we loved Larry Munson so much.
Because he didn’t care anything about Florida, or Alabama, or Auburn, or Tennessee.
He wanted to see HIS Bulldogs….Our Bulldogs, win every time they stepped out on the field. Maybe we loved him so much because there are so many more Bulldog fans all over the great state of Georgia that can’t get to Athens on Saturdays and watch a game and he was our link to Sanford Stadium, Bryant-Denny, Jordan-Hare and all those other revered cathedrals spread across the South.

We loved him because he brought those Dogs into our trucks and tractors and homes every week before there was ESPN or Fox Sports or Sports South or an SEC Network.

Back in those days, down here in the country, we only got one, maybe two TV stations. We might see our home team once maybe twice in a season if they were up in the Top 10 of the polls. So, we turned on the radio and tuned in the local station and went about our day on the tractor pulling a bush hog, riding to the barber shop to get the weekly haircut, or sitting on the front porch with a cold glass of iced tea, and listened. And Larry was always there to prod, push, and cajole those Bulldogs to another victory or heartbreaking defeat. He didn’t wax poetic about what was going on during the game.
He just talked, and yelled, in that unmistakable Larry Munson voice, with that unmistakable description of the events that were unfolding on the field and told us what was going on. Sometimes he didn’t even tell you what had happened on the field. But you knew. “Run, Lindsay, Run…”, “We just stomped them in the face with a hobnail boot…”, “My God Almighty, He ran through two men. Herschel ran right over two men!! They had him dead away inside the nine!!!”

For those of us my age, we grew up with Larry. I’m in my 50’s and remember those balmy September afternoons riding to Workmore or McRae with my daddy. He always had the radio on the Bulldogs games on those Saturday afternoons. He wasn’t an emotional man, but when Georgia would score, or stuff a drive, or kick a field goal, and Larry was working us up to a frenzy, he’d just smile.

I can hear him now……

Can you?

“Whaddaya got, Loran?”

Until next time,
I’m Harley Hanesworth

EMAIL QUESTIONS OF THE WEEK

Q: Dude, man, like you’re about extra-terrestrial man.
I really dig your site, man, like it’s really cool.
But, dude, man, check it out.
My names Doobie, and like, maaaaaaaan, you’re not gonna believe this, man.
Like, man, you know how everybody always talks about old dude from LSU, what’s his name? Ahhhh, yeah, that Les Miles dude? Yah, that’s it.
Well, you know, you hear how everybody’s always talking about him eating grass at the games and stuff? Well, check it out, dude. I live down the street from the old dude, you know? Well, when he like first got here I was walking down the street, like just minding my own business, cause my Volkswagon was in the shop.
Well, ole dude is out in his front yard and he’s like real nervous and all and I’m walkin down the road smoking a little weed and he smells it and looks over at me.
Well, dude, he looked like a cop or something, you know?
And I thought I was busted cause he came walking out to the road and he like starts talkin bout how stressed out he is cause he has ADD or something and he can’t tell time sometimes and people get mad at him or something.
And he goes, like, DUDE, is that like a marijuana cigarette and, like, I say yeah, you wanna hit? And he’s like hell, why not? So he sits there and smokes the WHOLE DAMN THING!!! Well, he’s like, dude, this is pretty neat!!! And he starts talkin bout something about a game or something and he’s like man, you gotta hook me up, dude. Get me some more of this stuff!!! So I’m like, okay, dude, chill and don’t talk so loud.
So he gives me a hundred dollars and I start walking off and I turn around and look and he’s like acting like a cow, down on his hands and knees like grazing in the front yard from the munchies. So, I just wanted to tell you Wizard dude like this dudes been getting all my best weed every fall and won’t leave me alone until after January and I don’t know what to do. Can you, like, help me man?

Doobie Jenkins
Baton Rouge, Louisiana

A: Thank you for the considerate email Doobie, but I have one question….
Was “Old Dude” wearing a #7 LSU Jersey?

Q: DEAR SIR!!!!!!!!!!
Didja see that pro football game last night? I mean, I just can’t believe it!!!!
You know I was real upset when my baby and always love Tim Tebow ran away from my Flarda Gaters but I just can’t stay mad at that boy for long.
You know, when I see him given everybody that cute little smile my heart just melts. Well, anyways, them Denver Broncos went and whupped them Yankee boy New York Jets last night!!!!
And you know what else?
I KNEW it was gonna happen even before it did!!!!
See, my cousin that lives up there near Live Oak called me up and said he had this video game or something called The Mad NFL or something.
He said that Saturday after the Care-lina game that he was so upset and distraught that that turncoat Steve Spurrier beat our gaters that he decided to just play that video football.
And he said he played them Broncos against the Jets like a dozen times and he pertended to be Tim Tebow on there and guess what!!!! He said he won every time!!!
So it was like I had me a vision and ESP and all at the same time cause I knew my baby was gonna win that game AND THEY DID!!!!
I truly believe deep in my heart of hearts that my sugar baby Tim Tebow is on a mission. I mean, I know that real life football game aint no video game but I think the Lord Almighty must have him one of those video controller thangs and is makin the love of my life TIM TEBOW WIN!!!!
I mean, I hear them sports folks talkin on TV bout how by beloved Tim couldn’t hit a bull in the ass with a bass fiddle when it comes to throwin the ball, but it’s like some kinda divine intervention when he decides to skedaddle and run with that football.
What do ya think of that Mr Wizard!!!
I think Tim Tebow is gonna win him a Super Bowl to go along with his National Championships!!!!!! And you know what else? It’s like destiny cause the Bronco’s has got orange in their uniforms too, just like them FLARDA GATERS!!!!!
Go Gaters!!!!
Tracy in Homassassa

A: What have I been telling you Tracy, “Good things come to those who wait”

Q: Dear Sir,

Although I am world renowned, I have fallen on some hard times lately.
You see, I recently left the sunny climes of Hawaii, in search of more business due to economic reasons. I did extensive research and came to the conclusion that there would be a ‘bountiful’(no pun intended) supply of criminals needing to be picked up in Knoxville, Tennessee. All I had to do was check the sports pages to reach this decision. My problem now is that the University of Tennessee seems to have cleaned up its act a little and business is way off. I am now looking at relocating to another location near an institution of higher learning that has a major football program. I have narrowed it down to Gainesville, Florida and Eugene, Oregon. Could you please provide a little insider knowledge on the possibilities at these two schools?

Thank you,
Dog the Bounty Hunter.

A: You are the Man Dog, I will hook you up with all you need to know about Eugene Oregon and Good Hunting, it should be a target rich environment.

COLLEGE FOOTBALL NEWS

ESPN COLLEGE GAMEDAY: Coach Lee Corso; you almost made me pee on myself last Saturday and by the looks of Kirk, I wasn’t the only one…

We Love you Coach

SOUTHERN MISS: Really Golden Eagles? You lost to UAB?
I am far too upset to say anything else………………….

OKLAHOMA STATE: I am sorry I wasn’t paying attention….

What were you all saying about that 28 year old quarterback being a Heisman Trophy candidate? I thought I heard something about a National Championship game, something or another?

I’m sorry I wasn’t listening; I was watching the celebration in the Ames Iowa…

OKLAHOMA: Sooners, please see above and insert your own cuss words concerning the Baylor Bears

OREGON: I think this picture says it all….

CLEMSON: You lost the damn Textile Bowl…..
And worse you caused me to have a tourette’s attack….

FLORIDA STATE: I am too mad to talk to you at the moment….

MONTANA: Congratulations Mighty Grizzlies on winning “The Brawl of the Wild”

ARIZONA: Soooooooooooooooooo you are going to hire Rich Rod and his ten dollar hooker wife to run the wildcat football program. I have but one thing to say….

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Enclosed is a Great Picture of “Rita Rod” going to the Arizona Wildcat News Conference with “Coach Rod”……One word: Classy

THE GAMES

Tuesday November 22nd

Miami (OH) at Ohio
This Buckeye Battle doesn’t have a great deal of hatred involved.
But there is enough animosity to make it fun to watch
FRANK’S CATS 28-24

Thursday November 24th

Texas and Texas A&M
The Last Lone Star Showdown…..
I still can’t believe I won’t see another one in my lifetime.
It’s a damn shame….
MIGHTY LONGHORNS 24-21

Friday November 18th

Louisville at South Florida
I am going “Upset Special” in this one…..
STRONGER CARDINAL’S 21-17

Houston at Tulsa
This game will be more offensive than Hillary Clinton in a bikini
(Don’t blame me if you got sick over that visual, you probably ate too much yesterday)
MIGHTY COUGARS 53-38

Iowa at Nebraska
This “new” rivalry in the Big Ten (something or another) is called….
“The Hero’s Game” and it’s played for the “Hero’s Trophy”
I honestly don’t know why anyone would play a football game for a giant Sub Sandwich
But Ok, I guess….
CORN KIDS 28-24

Kent State at Temple
If you are watching this game instead of Arkansas and LSU…..
Then you have too many issues to be addressed in this short column, but please seek professional psychiatric help immediately.
HOOTERS 31-28

Bowling Green at Buffalo
The Bills are to College Football what Richard Simmons is to Fitness.
FALCONS 38-17

Akron at Western Michigan
In a fight between a kangaroo and a Bronco….
(Still not sure why a college in northern Ohio has a kangaroo for a mascot)
I will go with a Kangaroo, maybe because I like Outback Steakhouse
ZIPPY 31-28

Toledo at Ball State
I got it….
The Rocket’s and the Cardinal’s are all excited about this game
I’m waiting on the LSU – Arkansas game, How about you?
RICKY ROCKET 34-31

Arkansas at LSU
This game is called the Battle for the Golden Boot and make no mistake about it…
The two schools, fans and players hate each other
This one can easily go either way…Believe it
HEY FIGHTN’ TIGERS 31-28

Colorado at Utah
Have I mentioned that Colorado hasn’t won an away game since the Two Utes were just “One” Ute?
TWO UTES 38-17

Boston College at Miami
I will be far to exhausted (Before and After) The Battle for the Golden Boot…
To care about this game, sorry
HURRICANES 28-21

Pittsburgh at West Virginia
They call this game “The Backyard Brawl”
It is that and more….
It’s a war until the final whistle blows
Light Those Couches!
MOUNTAINEERS 34-21

UTEP at Central Florida
The Folks from El Paso visit the Boys from O’ Town (Not the musically challenged defunct Boy Band) and there isn’t much to worry about here…
The Knights are Golden….
GOLDEN KNIGHTS 38-34

California at Arizona State
I was going to watch this game but Turkey makes me sleepy….
Even watching two turkeys like these teams playing football makes me sleepy
SUNNY DEVILS 33-17

Saturday November 19th

Georgia at Georgia Tech
This bitter rivalry is known by a very simple name….
“Clean, Old fashioned Hate” and it’s played for the Governors Cup
Larry, this one is for you….
HUNKER DOWN DAWGS 34-17

Michigan State at Northwestern
The Spartans are headed to the Big Ten (Whatever) Title Game…
Believe it..
MEN OF SPARTA 28-13

Ohio State at Michigan
This hate filled game is known simply as “The Game”
The animosity and the bitterness lasts for generations.
This one is going to be closer than you might think and could go either way
WOLVERINES 24-17

Rutgers at Connecticut
You aren’t really going to watch this game with all the rivalry games on are you?
I didn’t think so….
SCARLETT KNIGHTS 28-17

Cincinnati at Syracuse
I really don’t get the Syracuse Mascot….
“Otto the Orange”?
He looks like the Cool-Aide man had a baby with a jar of Tang.
BEARKATS 24-17

Rice at Southern Methodist
This rivalry in the Lone Star State is called “The Battle for the Mayors Cup”
I’m a Mighty Mustang Man (Even though I’m Baptist, not Methodist)
MIGHTY MUSTANGS 43-17

Tennessee at Kentucky
This fierce border rivalry is played for the Bourbon Barrel and Tennessee has owned it
They still do….
VOWELS 21-17

Maryland at North Carolina State
You’re not seriously considering switching to this game are you?
WOLF PACK 28-24

The Second Round of the Division II Playoffs
North Alabama at Delta State
They met once earlier in the season and the Okra Fried the Lions late in the game
The Lions return the favor today…
FLORENCE LIONS 34-31

Troy at Western Kentucky
Helen was the prettiest woman in all of Troy Alabama and since she eloped with that traveling salesman a few years ago the town hasn’t been the same.
TOPPERS 28-24

Wyoming at Boise State
You know what you say when a cowboy falls off his horse?
Cowboy Down!
BRONCO’S 56-10

Nevada at Utah State
The Wolf Pack are going to have their paws full of the Aggies in this one
PACK of WOLVES 38-34

Oregon State at Oregon
This game is called “The Civil War” and it’s played for the Platypus trophy
Make no mistake about it, there is nothing “Civil” about this rivalry.
(I hope like hell I am wrong here)
QUACKS 38-24

Virginia Tech at Virginia
This game in the Commonwealth of Virginia is played for “The Commonwealth Cup”
It’s Thanksgiving, time to go with the Turkeys
FIGHTING GOBBLERS 21-17

Penn State at Wisconsin
The Lions aren’t out of the Big Ten (or Fourteen whatever) Title picture yet
This one will be close, real close….
BUCKY the BADGER 28-17

Texas Tech at Baylor
I have feeling this game is going to be uglier than your Aunt Edna’s Ten Bean Casserole
BEARS 43-17

Florida International at Middle Tennessee State
Thus one might be close, until the Hilton Panther breaks it open
HILTON PANTHERS 33-28

Purdue at Indiana
Ah another Big Ten (or Twenty Four) Rivalry game….
This one is played for the “Old Oaken Bucket”
As opposed to the “keeping it green” mulch monkey recycled bucket
Those are two completely different Trophy’s
BOILERMAKERS 21-17

Illinois at Minnesota
UPSET SPECIAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Call it a feeling…
O’ SO Very GOLDEN GOPHERS 28-24

Duke at North Carolina
This Rivalry on Tobacco Road is played for the “Victory Bell”
And it will stay with the Tar Heels until Hell Freezes Over..
TAR HEELS 34-24

Vanderbilt at Wake Forest
I’m in an “Upset” kind of a mood….
UPSET SPECIAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
COMMODORES 21- 17

East Carolina at Marshall
When these two teams meet it takes me back to November 14 1970…
The day of the Marshall plane crash…..
I haven’t forgotten it; I know the fine people of Huntington haven’t either
This pick is for them….
WE ARE MARSHALL 33-24

Missouri at Kansas
This game has been a Border War since before the Civil War….
The Kansas “red legs” against the Quantrill’s Raiders….
This “game” is a Border War and it’s played for the Indian War Drum and the Lamar Hunt Trophy. I’m a James – Younger Man
MO’S TIGERS 43-10

Memphis at Southern Miss
This game is called the “Black and Blue Bowl”
I think the Tigers will leave this game “All Shook Up”
Thank you, Thank you very much..
GOLDEN EAGLES 34-10

UAB at Florida Atlantic
You don’t have to remind me that the Blazers won last week or that the Owls aren’t playing worth a Hoot. This one is a toss up…
HOOT OWLS 24-17

New Mexico State at Louisiana Tech
I talked this week with Lasso Larry about this game….
He watched a film and the Tech Bulldog mascot happened to be “cleaning” himself
Larry said…..”I sure wish I could do that”
That’s when I said…
“That dog will bite the Hell out of you if you try that!”
BULLDOGS 34-24

Air Force at Colorado State
This Rocky Mountain Rivalry is played for the coveted “Ram-Falcon Trophy”
Aim High…..
MIGHTY FALCONS 28-24

Florida State at Florida
This bitter rivalry is called “The Sunshine Showdown”
It’s going to be ugly
MIGHTY GATORS 24-23

Ole Miss at Mississippi State
Outside the Iron Bowl I can think of no rivalry in college football as hateful as this one
“The Egg Bowl” for the “Golden Egg Trophy”
Houston leaves Oxford with Egg on his face.
BULLY DOGS 33-10

Washington State at Washington
This rivalry in the Great Northwest is played for “The Apple Cup”
Yeah I don’t care either…
HUSKIES 21-17

Clemson at South Carolina
The Battle of the Palmetto State for the Hardee’s Trophy
Or to put it another way….
“The I Hate Your Guts Bowl”
DABO’S TIGERS 38-17

Iowa State at Oklahoma
I bet the Sooners are glad this game isn’t played in Ames Iowa under the lights
It will still be closer than OU might think…
BOOMER SOONER 34-24

Notre Dame at Stanford
This “big” rivalry game is played for the “Legend’s Trophy”
Don’t feel bad, I don’t care either
CARDINAL 28-24

Louisiana Lafayette at Arizona
I’m sorry, I am still laughing about Arizona hiring Rich Rod….
WILDCATS 17-7

San Jose State at Fresno State
This rivalry game in the land of outrageous property taxes and illegal aliens is called..
“The Fresno State – San Jose State Rivalry Game”
How original…
BULLDOGS 28-24

UCLA at Southern California
This game in the land of Gang Violence and Media Whores is called….
“The Cross Town Showdown” and it’s played for the “Victory Bell”
Yippee Zima for Everybody!
LAME TROJANS 38-21

San Diego State at UNLV
I really don’t care it’s almost time for the Iron Bowl
ANCIENT AZTECS 38-13

Alabama at Auburn
The Great Keith Jackson the voice of College Football (Amen…)
Said this…
“In College Football, there are rivalries and there are rivalries and then…
There is Alabama and Auburn”
This is the Iron Bowl and there is nothing more important.
CRIMSON TIDE 28-17

Tulane at Hawaii
I better still be celebrating when this game comes on at Midnight on TBS….
WARRIORS electric sliding on RAINBOWS 49-10

Enjoy Your Games….
Happy Thanksgiving to you all

RTR

THE CFB WIZARD

I don’t consider myself to be a gullible person…

But there are times, much like you, when I am susceptible to the occasional story.

Take for example……

Last month I was watching television and I heard the announcer ask…

“Do you have limited mobility?”

I thought, “Yeah I guess so, since my pick-up truck is in the shop for repairs”

Then the unknown voice from beyond asked me…

“Have you fallen in the last six months?”

That was when I remembered falling to my knees and crying like a four year old after I hit my little toe on the corner of the coffee table. I think it was around New Years. It’s like this voice is talking directly to me and I found myself mesmerized and walking ever closer to the television.

Then the voice asked me a final question….

“Would you like to lead a more exciting life?”

“Well hell, who wouldn’t like that!” I said out loud…..

And that was how I wound up with a Rascal electric Scooter in my living room

So with that being said, I understand how people can be misled or grab on to a story and turn it into something that it wasn’t meant to be.

Take for example the latest story that continues to churn the emotions on the loveliest plains of Alabama. I am talking about the poisoning of the Oak trees on Toomer’s Corner.

And as you may have heard or read the accused perpetrator is an Alabama Crimson Tide fan.
Tiger fans are incensed and rightfully so, but the profanity laced tirades I have heard coming from Auburn fans and the out of this world conspiracies are better off left to Charlie Sheen.

The air waves across the state are filled with venom and hatred and ridiculous accusations which are pointed directly at those fans, alumni and supporters of the University of Alabama.

Even The President of Auburn University has gotten in on the act as he called “for restraint during this trying time”.

What are you “Restraining” about? What is this Pearl Harbor to you folks?

Let me explain something and I hope all you Auburn Tiger fans are reading this, because I am going to keep this one real simple.

Just because a nut does something stupid doesn’t mean that everyone was a part of it, or condones such actions.

Take for example…..

In 1989 the Texas Treaty Oak was poisoned in Austin Texas……
Forestry experts estimate the Treaty Oak to be about 500 years old and, before its vandalism, the tree’s branches had a spread of 127 feet. The tree was located in Treaty Oak Park, on Baylor Street between 5th and 6th Streets in Austin Texas.

I don’t know if the guy that poisoned the Texas Treaty Oak was a fan of the Oklahoma Sooners and as I recall nobody in Texas bothered to ask and you want to know why, because he was a freaking nut.

I don’t know if John Hinckley was a Democrat when he shot President Reagan or if he knew that Jodie Foster was a lesbian, but I know that he was and probably still is a nut job.

I don’t think all Auburn students are delusional idiots just because thousands of them rolled the Toomer’s Corner Oaks in 2008 after Barrack Obama won the Presidency. I just think those particular students were and more than likely are still today delusional idiots.

And I didn’t believe two years ago at the Iron Bowl that just because some fans of the Auburn Tigers vandalized a large number of vehicles belonging to fans of the University of Alabama that all Tiger fans, students and alumni are somehow culpable to such wanton stupidity.

And just because the “Right Reverends” Jesse Jackson, Cecil Newton and Al Sharpton are all shakedown artists certainly doesn’t mean all preachers or people of color are bad people.
It just means those three people are.

Have I made my point yet?

If you are so stupid as to believe ALL University of Alabama fans are somehow accountable to this act, then you probably brush your hair and quite possibly your teeth with a garden weasel and should be “restrained”.

Maybe that’s what the Auburn President was referring too?

So with that being said, I don’t have any guilt over the act of this lunatic and I’m not embarrassed by seven degree’s of separation that it was an Alabama fan, anymore than Auburn fans are embarrassed by the lunatic fringe calling for “Alabama Armageddon” over their Toomer’s Oaks being poisoned by this nut bag.

And last but certainly not least…….

I hope and pray that most of you out there are smart enough to realize that the Paul Finebaum’s of the world center their entire careers around making people angry with inflammatory comments and statements, because they aren’t real sports journalist.

The proof of my statement is in the body of their work or lack thereof and if you will take the time to examine what they say and what they write you will see that I am right.

So if you don’t want idiots like that to make you angry and upset you then I have a very simple and effective solution: don’t listen to them and don’t read their articles.

Problem solved.

So whether you are an Auburn Tiger or a fan of whatever, don’t get sucked into listening to something that stirs the emotions and fuels the conspiracy theorist in all of us or you just might end up with an electric scooter in your house and a garden weasel for a tooth brush.

Now if you will excuse me I am going to take my Rascal scooter for a spin into the kitchen for another cold drink.

And as an unrelated side note I have no idea why this thing has a headlight, it’s not like I am going to be taking it out on the interstate.

RTR
THE CFB WIZARD

Nothing says “Thanksgiving” quite like a long weekend filled with hate and discontent.
This year there is plenty of both to go around

On the menu this year….
We will have a Turkey Day Classic and a Lone Star Showdown

A Backyard Brawl, a Border War and a Bedlam Game

There will be Battles over Old Oaken Buckets, Bourbon Barrels and Victory Bells

We will have tussles for Golden Boots, Beehive Boots and Jeweled Shillelagh’s

There will be a Battle in the Palmetto State…..
and a Sunshine Showdown and a tug of war over a Commonwealth Cup

In the Superdome we have the Bayou Classic with a Battle of the Bands
There is the Egg Bowl and a little something I like to call…
The Michigan – Ohio State game

Floyd of Rosedale is on the desert menu as is the Land Grant Trophy
Topped off with an unhealthy dose of Clean Old Fashioned Hate

And there is…..
The Iron Bowl…..

My stomach is churning already….

Enjoy Your Picks…

PRE-GAME WARM UP

Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator was 41 and 10 or 81% last week..
I know that is no consolation to the Husker Nation…..
But if it helps, I didn’t see that one coming either..

This leaves me at 545 and 130 or holding steady at 81% for the season.

EMAIL LETTERS OF THE WEEK

Q: Welcome to Candy Land!
I always like to open my letters with something out of the ordinary!
I have an unusual question Mister Wizard and I hope you can answer it!
This is rivalry week and my team THE Michigan Wolverines are playing “You know who”
in “You know where” and so my question is simply this:

Is it possible that Michigan’s Coach Rich Rod’s wife “Rita” could ugly the Wolverines to victory?
By that I mean is it possible that Rita could (through her unusual and over the top whorish attire and behavior) distract the team from “you know where” enough that they could possibly lose the game?

Thank you and don’t forget to tip your waitress!
(I always like to end my letters with something different too!)
GO WOLVERINES!
Tommy – Ann Arbor, Michigan

A: Tommy while you are waiting for the game with “you know who”..
May I suggest some reading to take your mind off the upcoming game….
”50 Signs of Mental Illness: A Guide to Understanding Mental Health” by James Whitney Hicks

Q: Mister Wizard as you know….
It’s time for the Lone Star Showdown….
I have a sinking sickening feeling the damn Aggies are going to take this one from us…
And I don’t know if I can take it, because you see…
I work with a bunch of those Aggie knuckleheads (And I am being nice here)

The only thing more irritating than working with them is my damn mother-in-law
and her “pet” Shih Tzu “Gatlin” who she named after the Gatlin Brothers.
She saw them one damn time in Branson Missouri….
and she thinks they are the greatest thing since Pearl Beer.
And you guessed it…
Her and that excuse for a dog are coming to my house for Thanksgiving.
God help me if she makes her “famous” casserole…
It smells like something that’s already been eaten, if you catch my meaning.
So what do you think Mr. Wizard?
Do the Horns have a shot at winning or should I start drinking now?
Clayton – San Marcos, Texas

A: My Friend…
The Longhorns have a real chance…..
But just in case keep the liquor within arm’s reach…

Q: Dear Sir –
My colleagues and I are not amused with your country witticisms concerning the Ivy league and we were most disturbed to read your easy dismissal and subsequent slight of the legendary Harvard – Yale game last week. If you knew anything about real college football you would know the wonderful history and beautiful pageantry surrounding this magnificent rivalry in the Ivy League.
We have won a few national championships ourselves you know?
Reginald – Cambridge, Massachusetts

A: Let me break it down for you “Barney Style” Reginald and maybe you will understand…
The mere fact you didn’t capitalize “National Championship” proves you don’t know anything about college football and the fact is, The Ivy League hasn’t won anything of importance since the Spanish American War.
And as a side note, your Marching Bands suck almost as bad as your football teams.

DROPPING SOME KNOWLEDGE ON YO’ ASS
BY RUFUS JOHNSON

“When you live in Alabama, you got to choose sides…
You is either for Alabama or Auburn…
Some of us is born into the rivalry, but we is all in it and you carry it all your life.
And everybody’s got to make a choice between the two teams, even if you just move here.
That’s how it is…
It’s us against them….
The one thing we both have in common is….
we got no respect for folks that live down here and say they don’t care who wins the Iron Bowl….
You might as well say you don’t believe in Jesus, Christmas and Bear Bryant…
The Lord don’t respect fence riders and neither do we”

IRON BOWL COMMENTARY

The voice of College Football…..
The Great Keith Jackson said this of the Iron Bowl…
“There are rivalries and there are rivalries and then there is Alabama and Auburn”
This game takes on a life of its own and permeates every facet of living in Alabama

I remember a time not that long ago…
When children had to set on opposite sides of the school bus during the week of the game
One side marked with a War Eagle and the other side with an Elephant…
And yes, you had to pick a side.

I remember a young preacher in a church I attended as a boy….
Who said a week before the Iron Bowl….
“He didn’t understand what all the fuss was about”
He was gone before Christmas…..

When I was considerably younger I lived for a time next door to a wonderful family who happened to have a number of boys in their family and they were all Auburn Tiger fans.
Iron Bowl week doesn’t go by that I don’t remember a backyard football game behind their house.

Pat Sullivan was on his way to winning a Heisman trophy for the Auburn Tigers
and his favorite target was the great Terry Beasley.

Since most of the boys were older than me, they would run circles around me.
It was terribly frustrating for a scrawny little kid like me…

Then the oldest boy named Phil said those words…..
After he tossed a beautiful pass over my head and outstretched arms to his brother…
“Sullivan to Beasley, Touchdown Tigers!”

That was when the fight started….
I was quickly overwhelmed but I couldn’t let that slight go unanswered…

In what seemed like an eternity my savior arrived in the form of Mrs. Gargis, the boy’s mother.
She pulled those boys off me with the expertise of a college referee…

She wiped my tears and cleaned up my bloody nose and feed us all lunch.
She could mend hard feelings and hurt pride like nobody else could..

I loved that woman…

A few years later Phil went on to be a starting quarterback at Auburn and his son is a great quarterback as well and I suspect he will be starting for the Tigers in the near future.

Marriages and businesses have and will be dissolved over the results of this game…

There have been friendships shattered…..
and hard feelings shared that will last a lifetime over this one single game.

These many years later….
I am glad I still have my Auburn friends and my Auburn Veterinarian buddies…
But just for the record…
I hope you all get your collective asses kicked this Friday.

RTR
MEB

THE PICKS

Thursday November 25th

Tuskegee at Alabama State
There is nothing like starting the day with the “Turkey Day Classic”
Didn’t Lionel Richie and the Commodores go to Tuskegee?
That’s good enough for me…
BRICK HOUSE TIGERS 24-21

Texas A&M at Texas
This is The Lone Star Showdown and there is nothing bigger in the State of Texas
It’s in Austin…..
The Aggies are on a roll….
The Longhorns are down….
I have a feeling; I just hope it’s not gas…
MIGHTY LONGHORNS 28-21

Friday November 26th

Louisville at Rutgers
I have a hint for you in this one…
The Cardinal’s are stronger than the State school of New Jersey…
STRONGER CARDINAL’S 24-17

West Virginia at Pittsburgh
This rivalry is known as the “Backyard Brawl”
Don’t leave your seat until the final whistle blows….
Then Light those Couches!
MOUNTAINEERS 28-24

Ohio at Kent State
This Battle in the Buckeye State is called….
“Nobody is Watching us Because Ohio State is playing Michigan”
The acronym is far too confusing to describe for you here
BOBCATS 33-17

Buffalo at Akron
If you are wondering why this game is included in this week’s Picks
During such a hotly contested rivalry weekend…
It’s known as “Filler”
ZIPPERS 34-14

Central Michigan at Toledo
I wonder if Ponch and Jon on CHIPS every just said “Chippewa’s”
It makes perfect sense to me..
ROCKET MEN 33-17

Southern Methodist at East Carolina
I know what time it is…
It’s Mustang Time…
MIGHTY MUSTANGS 38-34

Auburn at Alabama
This is the Iron Bowl……
It’s Oil and Water…..
It’s Cowboys and Indians …
It’s Democrats and Republicans…
It’s the Jewish people and Muslims…
It’s us against them….
It’s a War of Culture and Climate…
It’s Family against Family….
Except it’s worse….
Way Worse…
CRIMSON TIDE 34-31

Colorado at Nebraska
I doubt I will be conscience to watch this game…..
But this game belongs to the angry (and rightfully so)
(Col. J this one is for you…)
CHILDREN OF THE CORN 38-17

UCLA at Arizona
I wish I cared……
I really do…
But let’s be honest…
This game decides who will get the first shot at the….
“Mister Peanuts Bowl” Sponsored by the Peanut Growers of the South
BRUINS 24-17

Southern Miss at Tulsa
There is only one way to go with this pick….
This is for my Southern Miss Family…
GOLDEN EAGLES 38-34

Arizona at Oregon
I would love to watch this game….
I really would…
But I plan on either being happy as hell or too despondent to talk at this point in the day
QUACK ATTACK 106-17

Boise State at Nevada
Remember you read it here first….
UPSET SPECIAL!!!!!!!!!!!!
PACK OF WOLVES 41-38

Saturday November 27th

Michigan at Ohio State
This rivalry is known simply as “The Game”
It represents “hate” in its purest form…
This one is for the Great Jack Tatum….
MIGHTY BUCKEYES 28-14

Central Florida at Memphis
Elvis has most definitely left the building….
(And not that it’s all that import here…
But I do a phenomenal Elvis impression…)
GOLDEN KNIGHTS 43-10

Tulane at Marshall
I have three words for you…..
WE ARE MARSHALL 34-17

Indiana at Purdue
This Big Ten rivalry is played each year for…
“The Old Oaken Bucket”
As opposed to the “New Wood-like Prefabricated Plastic Bucket”
It simply doesn’t roll off the tongue..
HOO’S YOUR DADDY? 33-31

Boston College at Syracuse
If you have waited all year for this game….
And you arrange your Thanksgiving around the opening kickoff….
Then you have to be a basketball fan…
CHESTNUT HILL EAGLES 28-24

Cincinnati at Connecticut
This game used to be something to watch…
But it has gone to the dogs…
HUSKIES 33-20

North Alabama at Delta State
The Second Round of the Division II Playoffs….
Everybody knows I love the Fighting Okra….
But Saturday they get fried…
MIGHTY LIONS 38-28

Kentucky at Tennessee
This fierce border rivalry is played each year for the “Bourbon Barrel”
Which on the surface is something I can certainly support…
It’s Tennessee and Kentucky…
(Cue the banjo music)
VOWELS 31-24

Missouri at Kansas
This game is a Border War of Biblical proportions….
It has been a “war” since before Kansas was a state….
It’s played for the “Indian War Drum” and the “Lamar Hunt Trophy”
But this game isn’t about trophy’s…
It’s about “us” versus “them”
I’m a Jesse James and Cole Younger man…
MO’S TIGERS 31-21

Grambling State at Southern University
This game is “The Bayou Classic” and there is truth in advertising here
Not only is it a classic match-up between too outstanding teams…
The battle of the bands is not to be missed….
And as a side note…
I still miss seeing Coach Rob on the Tiger sidelines…
ROB’S TIGERS 33-17

Hawaii at New Mexico State
I hate to think of Pistol Pete being undone by a guy in a grass skirt…
It hurts my feelings…
WARRIORS in grass skirts dancing across RAINBOWS 28-24

Bloomsburg at Mercyhurst
Another Game of the Second Round of the Division II Playoffs
These boys can play some football
MERCY ME 38-34

LSU at Arkansas
This Border War is simply titled….
The Battle for the Golden Boot
In simple terms….
The respective alumni, fans and teams hate each other intensely
This one could easily go either way…
FIGHTN’ TIGERS 33-31

Brigham Young at Utah
This instate rivalry is played for the “Beehive Boot”
I can’t imagine why anyone would want to wear a boot full of bees…
What’s next a “Hat Full of Wasp’s”?
Doesn’t make sense to me…
TWO UTES with a Boot full of Bees 31-28

Washington at California
This one is fairly simple to predict….
California Sucks…
I hope that made it easy for you…
HUSKIES 33-17

Grand Valley at Augusta
This is another Game of the Second Round of the Division II Playoffs
And not that it’s all that important here….
But I just saw a commercial with Dolly Parton….
GRAND VALLEY 34-24

EDITORS NOTE: Before you ask….
Yes I am that easily influenced…

Abilene Christian at Central Missouri
Another Game of the Second Round of the Division II Playoffs and it’s a good one..
I have upset on my mind in this one….
MO’s MULES 28-24

Kansas State at North Texas
Todd Dodge’s Son with the Mean Green is certainly the real deal….
But unfortunately the rest of the team is too green and not too mean..
WILDCATS 43-17

Texas Christian at New Mexico
The Lobos have but one chance to win this game….
Pray that the Horned Frogs get delayed on their flight through an extensive pat-down policy
And subsequently miss the game.
Yeah, that’s their only shot at victory here
MIGHTY HORNED FROGS 53-0

Mississippi State at Ole Miss
This instate rivalry is known as “The Egg Bowl”
It is chocked full of hate, discontent, hard feelings, and fights…
And it lasts all year long….
BULLY DOGS 31-24

Oregon State at Stanford
I know, I know……
I doubted the Power of the Beaver last week….
I should have known better
This will be close
CARDINAL 31-28

Wake Forest at Vanderbilt
A bunch of smart kids take to the field in Music City…
Yippee
DEMON DEACONS 28-17

Georgia Tech at Georgia
Since 1893 these two instate rivals have played the game called….
“Clean Old Fashioned Hate” for the Governors Cup….
There is nothing clean or old fashioned about it, but there is enough “hate” to last all year
And as a historical side note….
This game was first played the year Bobby Bowden was born..
Coincidence?
SIC EM DAWGS 31-28

Houston at Texas Tech
The winner of this game has first dibs on the “Preparation H Bowl”
Both of them are itching to win…
GET THOSE GUNS UP RED RAIDERS! 38-24

Oklahoma at Oklahoma State
The Bedlam Game….
The name says it all…..
The winner takes home the Bedlam Bell and more importantly
Bragging Rights…
COWBOY UP! 38-34

Notre Dame at Southern California
This old college football rivalry is played for the “Jeweled Shillelagh”
Thankfully they changed the name to its present title….
As it was once known as the “Jock Itch Shillelagh” after a particularly nasty outbreak
in the respective locker rooms that each team subsequently blamed on each other.
Isn’t history fun?
LAME CHEATERS 6-3

South Florida at Miami
I have on good authority that the winner of this game….
Has a shot at the “Sweet Potato Bowl” in Yazoo City Mississippi
How sweet is that?
HURRICANES 33-17

North Carolina at Duke
This instate rivalry is played each and every year for the “Victory Bell”
And if my calculations are correct…
It will stay with the Heels until Hell Freezes over…
HEELS of TAR 34-31

Michigan State at Penn State
This game is called….
“The Battle of the Land Grants” and it’s played for the “Land Grant Trophy”
And this game is very important to Joe Pa….
Because he can remember when both states were just territories…
SPARTANS 34-33

North Carolina State at Maryland
This game isn’t a rivalry per say….
But it will be a slobber knocker none the less..
PACK OF WOLVES 34-17

Iowa at Minnesota
This Big Ten game is played for “The Floyd of Rosedale”
I have been informed that “Floyd” is a “pig”
Which I personally think is hurtful to talk about Floyd like that….
Everybody knows he has a thyroid problem…
EYES of the HAWK 28-17

South Carolina at Clemson
In the Palmetto State….
There is nothing bigger……
It’s called “The Battle of the Palmetto State”
It’s played for the “Hardee’s Trophy”
Which looks suspiciously like a Triple Patty Melt from Hardee’s
STEVE’S GAMECOCKS 33-28

Virginia at Virginia Tech
The Battle for the Commonwealth of Virginia
Played for the coveted Commonwealth Cup….
It’s Thanksgiving and that means Turkey…
FIGHTN’ TURKEYS 28-17

Florida at Florida State
It’s time for the Sunshine Showdown in the Great State of Florida…
This has all the hate and bitterness of any other instate rivalry…
And it’s about to get worse…
JIMBO’S NOLES 28-24

Northwestern at Wisconsin
You guessed it…
Another “rivalry” game in the Big Ten…..
This game is played for the “Gus Polinski Polka King Accordion”
And on an unrelated side note…
Polka music makes my head want to pop off…
THE POWER OF CHEESE WHIZ 38-17

Happy Thanksgiving to you all…..
Enjoy Your Games

RTR
THE CFB WIZARD

Today is Thanksgiving….
To most people that means three things….
Family, food and football….
And not necessarily in that order…

We have a cornucopia of rivalries this weekend……
Overflowing with hate and discontent…..
Ah, Good Times…

I can hardly wait to dig in, but before we do
Let’s be thankful for what we have and not grumble about what we don’t have….

For example, I am thankful last week Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator…..
was a rather “average” 41 and 11 or 79%, leaving me at 533 and 147 or 78% for the season.
(Noticed how I weaved the weekly statistics in so inconspicuously…..)

All things considered, we all have it pretty damn good

Happy Thanksgiving to you all

Enjoy your games!

Thursday November 26th

Texas at Texas A&M
The Lone Star Showdown
I remember the cheap shots on Colt McCoy…….
and the “down horns” signs by the Aggie players a couple of years ago…..
the bad news…..
The Longhorns remember it too….
MIGHTY LONGHORNS 43-17

Tuskegee at Alabama State
The “Turkey Day Classic” as it is known, has been played since 1901.
Which coincidently is the same year Coach Bobby was born….
GOLDEN TIGERS 24-21

Friday November 27th

Nevada at Boise State
This isn’t a rivalry game…..
It’s just and Old Fashioned Boise State ass whipping
BRONCOS 38-23

Illinois at Cincinnati
Some people are calling for a Fighting Pumpkin “Upset”
I don’t happen to be one of “those” people
BEARKATS 33-17

Rutgers at Louisville
After the Scarlet Knights lost last week to (of all teams…)
Syracuse…
The Jersey Campus was reported to have smelled like old pancakes and shame…
But then they realized they lived in New Jersey, which explained the smell.
SCARLET KNIGHTS 24-17

Toledo at Bowling Green
This is the Battle of I-75 for the coveted “Peace Pipe”
The trophy alone tells you this isn’t a fierce rivalry.
If it was a serious rivalry, the word “peace” wouldn’t be in the equation.
FALCONS 24-20

Pittsburg at West Virginia
The Backyard Brawl
The name says it all…..
Two neighbors battle it out on a chilly night in Morgantown
Light those couches…
MOUNTAINEERS 24-21

Northern Illinois at Central Michigan
This game isn’t a rivalry and it isn’t a backyard brawl…
It’s about Chippewa’s riding the Huskies like midgets in a rodeo
Sorry for the visual….
That disturbed me a little bit too..
CHIPPEWA’S 34-13

Wyoming at Colorado State
This rivalry is known as “The Border War” and it is played each year for
“The Bronze Boot”….
The rams get the boot this year, but not where they thought they were going to get it..
COWBOY UP! 28-17

Temple at Ohio
The Bobcats are playing well, but the Owls are inspired…
HOOT OWLS 33-21

Buffalo at Kent State
It’s Thanksgiving for Goodness sake….
Who wants to think about the “Golden Flashes” this time of the year?
Makes you think about Grandma getting in the dinner wine and flashing the guests
NO BULL 38-10

Nebraska at Colorado
The Children of the Corn haven’t forgotten……..
About the pasting the Buffalos gave them a few years ago…..
in fact they are still down right sore about it.
That isn’t good news for Ralphie
CORNHUSKERS 31-17

Memphis at Tulsa
I would care about this game…..
But the Iron Bowl is getting ready to come on.
Sorry…
HURRICANES OF GOLDEN 24-20

Alabama at Auburn
The Iron Bowl
The name says it all….
CRIMSON TIDE 24-14

Saturday November 20th

Florida State at Florida
This is the Sunshine State Showdown
It is played for the Governors Cup
The Tallahassee paper has reported this week…
Coach Bobby is “ready” for the game….
What they “meant” to say was ….
Coach Bobby is “ready” to go to the bathroom without assistance…
Not that this story has anything to do with Thanksgiving…
But it is the season of “sharing”, so I felt obligated to share.
MIGHTY GATORS 34-17

Virginia Tech at Virginia
In Virginia nothing is as important as the “Commonwealth Cup”
Which by my estimation……
Will stay in Blacksburg until Hell freezes over.
MIGHTY HOKIES 33-17

Miami (FL) at South Florida
Unless you have seen an actual Hurricane….
Loose in your house you cannot discount their power or destruction.
In case you were wondering, “yes”…..
I am referring to the Thanksgiving when my sister-in-law visited two years ago.
The Damage is as yet to be fully assessed.
HURRICANES 33-14

Oklahoma State at Oklahoma
The Bedlam Game for the Bedlam Bell
There is nothing more important today in the Great State of Oklahoma…
Not Births, not deaths, not bar mitzvahs, not anything.
This is it….
COWBOY UP! 31-17

Carson Newman at North Alabama
The quarter finals of the Division II College Football Playoffs
These teams played each other earlier in the season, with the Lions winning.
Different day, same result….
MIGHTY LIONS ROAR 34-31

Missouri at Kansas
This game is called the Border War….
It’s played for the “Indian War Drum” and the Lamar Hunt Trophy
Some still call this a “Civil War”, but make no mistake…
There is nothing “Civil” about this rivalry
MO’S TIGERS 38-14

Georgia at Georgia Tech
Sure, this game is for the “Governors Cup”
But this rivalry is known as “Clean Old Fashioned Hated”
That my friends, sums it up nicely….
YELLOW JACKETS 31-28

Clemson at South Carolina
The game is called the “Battle of the Palmetto State”
Coach Sweeny is an Alabama man….
And that’s good enough for me…
DABO’S TIGER 33-17

Grambling State at Southern University
The Bayou Classic
Have I mentioned lately that I’m a Coach Rob guy?
I have?
Good, I just wanted to make sure we were on the same page
ROB’S TIGERS 38-17

Rice at Houston
The Battle for the Bayou Bucket
My favorite pudding gets whipped in H-Town…
Believe it…
COUGARS 43-14

Arizona at Arizona State
This instate rivalry is affectionately known as the “Duel in the Desert”
And it’s played for the “Territorial Cup”
Which I think resembles a bucket of sand….
WILDCATS 24-21

Tennessee at Kentucky
This game has always been known as “The Battle for the Beer Barrel”
And the keg goes to…..
WILDCAT BLUE 33-24

Boston College at Maryland
This game promises chills and thrills…
Who am I kidding nobody is going to watch this damn game…
CHESTNUT HILL EAGLES 24-17

Wake Forest at Duke
Demon Deacons and Blue Devils….
Kind of sounds like Jimmy Swaggart holding his breath…..
DEMON DEACONS 28-24

North Carolina at North Carolina State
The Battle for Tobacco Road…..
The Heels have a tough defense and State has an amazing engineering department
Yeah, this one shouldn’t be too tough….
TAR OF HEELS 33-13

Texas Tech at Baylor
I doubted the power of the Red Raider’s last week…
I thank everyone in the Red Raider nation for pointing my error out….
I should have known better…
Lubbock is the Home of Buddy Holley…
Enough said, Peggy Sue
GET THOSE GUNS UP!
RED RAIDERS 43-21

Washington State at Washington
This instate rivalry game is played for the “Apple Cup”
Please note…..
If your “rivalry” game has a flower, a fruit or any members of the “Village People”
In the name, then it doesn’t count as a “real” rivalry, sorry.
I don’t make the rules, I just enforce them.
HUSKIES 17-10

Ole Miss at Mississippi State
The Egg Bowl….
Few rivalries outside the Iron Bowl are bitterer than this contest….
I can feel the heads of Mississippians nodding everywhere….
I wish I had better news Bulldog Jim….
REBELS 33-17

Syracuse at Connecticut
Not that I care because I don’t…….
But I have obligations too….
HUSKIES 24-21

New Mexico at Texas Christian
I can’t say that I have actually seen a horned amphibian ride a Lobo…
Not even on the Animal Planet….
But rules like records are meant to be broken…
(My personal motto….)
HORNED FROGS 43-10

Southern Miss at East Carolina
I have gotten back in good graces with my Hattiesburg faithful…
So I don’t intend on taking a step backwards at this point….
Let’s face it….
Few things in life are as good as Mississippi BBQ….
A man has to have his priorities….
GOLDEN EAGLES 31-17

Central Florida at UAB
What the hell is a “Blazer” anyway?
Something on sale from the Men’s Warehouse?
That’s a stupid mascot….
Everybody Run! Here comes a Sport Coat!
I don’t get it…
GOLDEN KNIGHTS 38-17

Tulane at Southern Methodist
My Proud Ponies are a “win” a way from going to a Bowl game…
They won’t disappoint me….
MIGHTY MUSTANGS 34-23

Marshall at Texas El Paso
Three simple words here….
WE ARE MARSHALL 31-24

Utah at Brigham Young
This is the “Holy War” for the “Beehive Boot”
I can’t say I have ever put my foot in a boot full of bees….
But I saw this dumbass in Michigan once…
Never mind those people from Michigan have suffered enough…
TWO UTES 33-31

Utah State at Idaho
This game is being played at the home of the Vandals….
I respect people whose mascot looks like a foam rubber Genghis Khan…
THE MIGHTY KHANS 38-17

Arkansas at LSU
The Battle for the four foot tall “Golden Boot”
The past two years it has resided in Fayetteville….
There won’t be a change of address left at the Post Office this year….
RAZORBACKS 34-24

Notre Dame at Stanford
The winner of this game wins the “Legends Trophy”
I am assuming by the title it has Knute Rockne’s skull atop the trophy…
Which is creepy…
CARDINAL 34-31

New Mexico State at San Jose State
I would watch this game but the Animal Planet has a “Thanksgiving” Special
On the dental hygiene of the platypus
Don’t laugh….
It will be a hell of a lot more entertaining than this game…
JOSE CUERVO 34-10

UCLA at Southern California
The Battle in the City of Botox Angels for the “Victory Bell”
Gosh, I would care, but I have to do my laundry, sorry….
BRUINS 33-31

Navy at Hawaii
This game reminds me….
I want to wish a Happy Thanksgiving to “Dog the Bounty Hunter”
I love those guys…
MIDSHIPMEN 34-17

I hope you all have a Happy Thanksgiving….
And a great weekend of college football….

Stay tuned…
There is more to come..

RTR
MEB

In Alabama you have to make a choice…..
It’s one or the other…
We aren’t much for fence riders or folks on middle ground…..
And don’t give us that crap “how you like both teams”
You can’t, it’s impossible…
Saying that just makes you a wussy, or worse….
A damn yankee…

It’s the Alabama Crimson Tide and The Auburn Tigers

This weekend marriages will end….
Businesses will dissolve….
And the bonds of friendship forever broken…
All over this one game….

For those of you outside the state of Alabama….
or persons that may have been living under a rock for their entire adult life….
I will let you in on a “not so” little secret.

We don’t like each other very much

We tolerate each other most of the time throughout the year….

Our children will play together….

We attend Church and PTA meetings together…

On occasions we will attend weddings, funerals and even BBQ together..

But this week everything is different…

On the Sunday before the Iron Bowl…
I have seen parishioners move from their usual seats to the other side of the aisle….
until one side of the church is Tigers and the other Tide.

I have seen and heard a young preacher, who clearly wasn’t from Alabama…..
make mention that “people down here take their football too seriously…”

He and his family weren’t there the following Sunday……
presumably to preach at a place where they didn’t take their football “too seriously….”

I have taken my seat on one side of a school bus with a little crimson elephant pined to my shirt by a wonderful first grade teacher, while the Auburn kids took their place on the other side of the bus with a blue and orange “War Eagle” pined to their respective shirts and dresses.

We never miss an opportunity to make fun of each other either..

This game has had Bo and Joe and a Bear of a Man…..

It has had “One for the Thumb”

And Eleven in a row…….

It’s War Damn Eagle!
And…
Roll Tide Roll!

It has made simple terms meaningful like…

Punt Bama Punt!

And “The Kick”

It’s about Pat Sullivan to Terry Beasley

Freddie Kitchens to Dennis Riddle

Wrong way Bo….

And Coach breaking the record…

The Legends of this game live forever in the hearts of the respective fans

The wins are glorious and the losses are bitter as hell

Many people have asked me if I had a “Favorite” picture from my deployment last year

The answer is “Yes”, I do……

It’s about pride and bragging rights….

It’s about “us” against “them”

But it’s even deeper than that……

It’s so deep you can’t define it….
It’s just there right above the surface of your emotions lurking….
Reminding you even on Easter Sunday…
Beat Them….

Friday afternoon is not life or death…

This game is far more important than that

And for those people that may be reading this thinking we in Alabama….
Take our “football too seriously”…..
You might want to take your cue from that young preacher in my story above
and get out of town…This game isn’t for the weak of heart…
It is The Iron Bowl

Your Thanksgiving Picks will be out in the morning….

Click here to view the embedded video.

ROLL TIDE ROLL

MEB

Not that we aren’t thankful, nothing could be further from the truth….

This isn’t about being “Thankful”….
It’s about your “Rival”….
It’s about bragging rights
This is “Us” verses “Them”

It’s the “Lone Star Showdown”
The “Backyard Brawl”
The Border War
The Battle for the Palmetto State
The Battle of the Beehive and Golden Boot
The Egg Bowl
Bedlam and its coveted Bell
It’s about the Commonwealth, Apple and Governor’s Cups
It is about Clean Old Fashioned Hate….
It is The Iron Bowl

These clashes will be told and retold for generations
And the Legends of the fall that come from such games live forever.

Let’s take a look at a few of the games we have in store this week…..

THE LONE STAR SHOWDOWN

Texas Longhorns – Texas A&M Aggies

The Name alone says it all….
It’s “Gig Em Aggies!” verses “Hook Em Horns!”
These two fine University’s students, fans and alumni hate each other with a passion.

Case in point, a few years ago Texas A&M produced their fall catalog of classes and otherwise promoting the university
and all it’s fine accomplishments as well as to encourage prospective students to attend the university in College Station Texas.
On the cover of the fall catalog was a collage of pictures of campus life at Texas A&M, from students studying outside, walking to class, football games at Kyle Field, two students with goggles studying in the chemistry lab, but one picture on the cover was “different”.
In one picture a young lady in the Aggie Marching Band was playing the flute.
She had her hands in such a way while playing a particular note on the instrument
that it appeared she was making the “Hook Em Horns” sign.

Please see the example of the proper “Hook Em Horns” sign below delivered by my buddy Matthew McConaughey.

This incensed the Aggie Alumni and they demanded the Catalogs, which had already been distributed by the way,
be recalled and a “new” edition reprinted without the accursed picture on it.

Cost to print and distribute Fall Catalogs: 1.3 Million Dollars
Coast to recall the catalogs, reprint and redistribute Fall Catalogs: 5.6 Million Dollars
The enjoyment Longhorn Fans had from this fiasco: Priceless

Enjoy the short video that has nothing to do with the above story,
but is further evidence of the hate and discontent the Aggies have……
for the Mighty Longhorns from the University of Texas at Austin.

Click here to view the embedded video.

THE BORDER WAR

Missouri Tigers – Kansas Jayhawks

These two states have hated each other since Bill Quantrill burned Lawrence Kansas to the ground…
and even before that, there were hard feelings and hate.

The feelings are mutual and have festered over the years.

I know a number of Missourians who will correct me when I ask them…
“Isn’t Kansas the Sunflower State?”
They will politely tell me there are “Three kinds of Sun’s in Kansas”
Sunshine
Sunflowers
And
Sons of…you can figure out the rest of that on your own.

THE BACKYARD BRAWL

Pittsburg Panthers – West Virginia Mountaineers

This rivalry isn’t as intense as it once was….
But it is still filled with disgruntled fans from what was once “Steel Town” all the way
to the beautiful mountains of West “By God” Virginia.

Not only is this a rivalry for the ages in this particular part of the country, but as a side note,
You have to respect anybody like the Mountaineer faithful
who are willing to burn their “own” couch in their front yard after a win over a hated foe.

THE EGG BOWL

Mississippi State Bulldogs – Ole Miss Rebels

If you are looking for hate, passion and discontent that has no expiration date then look no further than the “Egg Bowl”.

In the Great State of Mississippi with poultry the current king of agriculture….
the Egg Bowl takes center stage this weekend and the rivalry has never been more intense, if that’s possible.

There will be harsh words, fights and more fights…….
and that’s just in the parking lot before the game. Make no mistake, this game is intense and emotions are raw.

BATTLE FOR THE GOLDEN BOOT

LSU Tigers – Arkansas Razorbacks

These two states, schools, fans, and alumni hate each other, period.
They have been playing for the four foot “Golden Boot” Trophy since 1901
But trophy or no trophy, they just hate each other.
Case in point, two years ago when the LSU Tigers won the 2007 National Championship……
there was a popular bumper sticker seen throughout Arkansas that I thoroughly enjoyed.
It read…..

ARKANSAS RAZORBACKS 50
National Champion LSU Tigers 48

Priceless……

THE APPLE CUP

Washington Huskies – Washington State Cougars

I know this is “Big” deal in the State of Washington….
But let me clue you all on in a little secret…..
If your rivalry game has either a fruit or flower in the name
Then it’s not that big a deal outside your own state…
Sorry..

SUNSHINE STATE SHOWDOWN FOR THE GOVERNORS CUP

Florida Gators – Florida State Seminoles

I know, I know….
This is a relatively new rivalry as rivalries go; it began in 1958, when Coach Bobby was only 61 years “young”.
But this game is no less intense than older more established rivalries.
The Gator Nation hates the Seminole Nation and all they stand for and vice versa.

There have been some of the finest college football players to ever lace the cleats to play in this rivalry.
But I think this game can be summed up best by Coach Bobby himself when he said recently….
“You know when Ponce de Leon showed me the fountain of youth he told me watch out for Gators.”

How true, how true….

THE COMMONWEALTH CUP

Virginia Tech Hokies – Virginia Cavaliers

This fierce rivalry in the Old Dominion would mean more to me……
If I could remember the last time the Cavaliers won, but I can’t.

So it doesn’t it.

THE BEDLAM GAME

Oklahoma Sooners – Oklahoma State Cowboys

These two teams were playing each other before Oklahoma was even a state.
It’s Stillwater and the Cowboys verses the mighty Sooners of Norman.
They despise each other with a passion that can only instate rivals can appreciate.
They have accused each other of various dirty tricks over the years……..
From giving tainted food with laxatives to Sooner players to slow them down..(I’m serious….)
To wetting the field to slow down the likes of Barry Sanders….(I’m really serious…)
Throw the records out the window in this one; it’s always a battle for the ages.

CLEAN OLD FASHIONED HATE

Georgia Bulldogs – Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets

There are few games that garner more hard feelings than this game between these two bitter instate rivals…..
hence the name of the game, in case you missed it.
The fans of the respective schools can’t agree on anything and disagree about everything.
They can’t even agree on how many times they have played the series.
But suffice to say this war has been going on since 1893, that’s right I said 1893.

This rivalry can best be summed up by the beloved Southern writer and University of Georgia Graduate Lewis Grizzard…
When reporting for the Atlanta Journal Constitution; Lewis left his entire column empty……
The day after the Yellow Jackets defeated his Bulldogs. One whole section in the Paper, blank.

The hard feelings in this one last forever…

BATTLE OF THE PALMETTO STATE

Clemson Tigers – South Carolina Gamecocks

You want a long standing rivalry?
This one has been going off and on since the 1880’s….
But the game itself is the longest standing uninterrupted series in the South.

There have been brawls, fights and riots since this series began
and it’s no less intense now with Coach Steve at the helm of the Gamecocks and Coach Sweeny with the Tigers.

This is one of those rivalries that transcend time and space.
No matter where you go in the world if you are a Gamecock or a Tiger
you carry this feeling with you going into this week, that cannot be defined or described.
It’s about beating “Them”, and being able to enjoy that win for the next year.

That my friends; is what a rivalry is all about.

THE IRON BOWL

Alabama Crimson Tide – Auburn Tigers

In the immortal words of Keith Jackson the voice of college football now and forever.

“There are rivalries and there are rivalries and then there is Alabama and Auburn”

This kind of Hate deserves its own section; The Iron Bowl edition will be out tomorrow.

So Stay tuned…
There is more hate and discontent to come..
Your Thanksgiving Edition of the Picks will be out soon….

RTR
MEB