It’s Fall and that means one thing: Football

Now I know that in most places it’s not cool yet and it doesn’t even look like Fall.

And if you are in Lubbock the temperatures are only fifteen degrees cooler than the surface of the sun, so you don’t have to remind me.

But this is a special time of year for many of us…temperatures aside.

I discussed this some time ago with my friend Hank……..
And he wrote a piece that he has graciously allowed me to reproduce for you here.
I believe he framed the picture perfectly.

Thank you Hank

Enjoy….

Everyone has their memories of “Back in the day.”
Mine include trips to a little spot in the road, out in the middle of nowhere, in South Georgia called Mayday.
A black and white TV with rabbit ears and no cable.
Window fans on hot, sticky August nights.
Or maybe riding with my Dad, an exterminator, to towns like Fort Valley, Hawkinsville, Unadilla, or Warner Robins.
But, some of the fondest were when I was in High School…..
School would start and Autumn would slowly creep in to slowly displace those hot summer days.

Bears hibernate in the winter time.
At the end of fall, they find a place to curl up and sleep unencumbered until the warmth of spring finally rouses them to begin their lives anew.
I always equated the life of a college football fan in much the same way.
After the National Championship and all the “All Star” games, college football fans receded to a life of dormancy, void of exciting Saturdays, and hibernated until the start of a new season.

Thus the reference to “Back in the day”……
It’s funny how memories work.
Something small and insignificant can trigger the floodgates to open. And so, as I sat on my back porch this last Saturday, I remembered those High School days.
Going outside, there was the slightest hint of coolness in the air from an easterly breeze and tolerable temperatures.
Memories rushed into my head of excitedly getting up on that most important day of the weekend. I’d rush out to the mailbox to retrieve the latest edition of the Macon Telegraph.
In those days, above the title banner, would be regional scores of the Friday night High School Football games.
Perry 35, Hawkinsville 21, Jones County 14, Dodge County 10. And so on, and so forth.
I would scan those scores and dive into the paper to find the sports pages.
Most times I went to those Perry High School games but still there was something special about reading about what I already knew happened in the paper.
I voraciously read all the write ups about Peach County, Warner Robins, Northside, Jones County, and all the other schools in the area.
Afterwards, I always had some kind of chores to do around the house. I’d hurriedly knock those out and ride to town to get a loaf of bread or gallon of milk for my Mama.
On the way to the store in my ’68 LTD I would excitedly turn the knob on the radio and search for an AM radio station in Macon.

What time is it? Did I miss it? No, it’s almost 11 o’clock, Time for Leonard’s Losers.
I don’t know how I came across that old show. Maybe I found it by tuning from station to station looking for some good Southern Rock. But one day while spinning the knob on the radio the refrain of a banjo picking out the opening tune caught my ear. Then the “countrified” voice of Percy Peabody announced that it was time for another edition of “Leonard’s Losers.” Afterward, Leonard would make his weekly predictions of the upcoming Saturday’s college football outcomes. But this was unique. He picked losers. And he did it with flair. And he did it with a unique style with nicknames such as “The North Avenue Trade School” and the “Red Clay Hounds.” There was the “Herd of Angry Elephants from Tuscaloosa” and the “Reptiles from Florida.”

After I got my weekly fill of Leonard, I was headed back to the house.
Almost 12 o’clock, I still had time to gulp down a bologna sandwich and watch the game.
Even then, with only 2 or 3 games on any given Saturday, I was mesmerized by the excitement and pageantry of College Football.
Georgia and Vince Dooley, Alabama with Bear Bryant, Ohio State and Woody Hayes, Michigan with Bo Schembecler.
Big games announced by “Whooooaaa Nelly!!” Keith Jackson.
Alabama – Auburn. Georgia – Georgia Tech. Texas – Arkansas,. USC – UCLA.
History and tradition unfolding before my eyes.

It was Saturday.
Leaves would soon begin to brown and fall.
Cool nights, warm days, and the shadows.
I still remember the shadows off the trees were always longer.
The humidity grudgingly left and was replaced by the dry warmth of the afternoon sun and the chill of those fall nights.

Football Season had come. By the grace of God, it’s here again.

Thank you Hank, it’s perfect, just perfect….

RTR

THE CFB WIZARD

It’s time to catch up on your college football news as a number of major colleges concluded their spring practice last weekend.

Stay tuned…
I have some news that will surely amaze you…
And Next Week….
We will have the return of our “Seven Questions” segement…
With none other than Miles Brand the President of the NCAA…
It should be “illuminating”…..

But until then let’s catch up on some emails and college football news.

Enjoy!

EMAIL QUESTIONS & ANSWERS

Q: Don’t start getting all cocky just because Alabama “finally” won an Iron Bowl!
How many had Auburn won before the Tide decided to roll in?
War damn Eagle!
Chip – Pensacola, Florida

A: You sure are mighty cocky yourself Chip…
I saw the scoreboard and thought I saw a Goose Egg up there…

Q: Dear Mister Wizard, I enjoy your pages and insightful writings. I like your picture at the top of the page. I wish I had me one of them robe out fits and matching cap, too.

Here’s my question. My Bull-Dawgs have done and got ‘em another top recruiting class, just like Alabama. We also got us a reeeeeeeeaal good coach, just like Alabama. We had us a pretty good season last year, almost like Alabama.

When do you think we’ll win us a National Championship, just like Alabama?
Lemual – Ludowici, Georgia

A: You sure you aren’t a Tennessee fan?
Because you write like a Tennessee fan, that’s all I’m saying.

Q: How do I go about asking Tim Tebow to marry me?
I kept a writing him and I found his phone number…
(Called him when I was drinking; Big Mistake!)
Then he went and changed his number!
So help me, how do I go about it?
I think he is hot!
Tracy – Homosassa, Florida

A: You already have a restraining order against you, don’t you Tracy?

Q: Mike, any crazy new college football news that we don’t already know about?
Thanks!
Glen – Blacksburg, Virginia

A: I don’t know if you heard about the man suing the University of Miami?
He believes the term “Hurricane” is discriminatory against men…
So in a knee jerk reaction, the President of the University decided to rename the team…

“The We-All-A-Canes”…..
Catchy don’t you think?

Q: Mike what is the deal with the NCAA?
Why can’t they seem to close the deal on the Reggie Bush investigation?
If the NCAA can find schools guilty without any evidence to support their claims, then it seems pretty simple that they could shut the case on Southern California after all the “evidence” has surfaced.
What’s your take?
Paul – Charleston, South Carolina

A: Paul it’s simple…
The Case against the University of $outhern California has dragged on because….
The NCAA has more tools within their hallowed halls than Lowes and Home Depot..
Combined..

Q: Mike, now that Phil Fulmer has left the University of Tennessee, could you find it in your heart to relay a “good” story about Tennessee Volunteer fans?
Please?
Melanie – Strawberry Plains, Tennessee

A: Sure Melanie…
One afternoon a University of Tennessee student was given a ride by a guy in his big Lincoln Continental…

The student noticed a bunch of golf tees on the front seat and asked..
“What are those things for?”

The guy said, “They’re to hold my balls while I drive.”

“Damn!” exclaimed the Tennessee student…
“These Lincoln Continentals have Everything, don’t they?”

EDITORS NOTE: This never gets old for me…

Q: Mike, I read that Terry Bowden left the ABC College Football pre-game team and has decided to coach again.

Do you know where he is coaching?
Thanks!
Susan – Opelika, Alabama

A: Terry Bowden took the position as Head Football Coach of the Sally Brothers Midget Clown College.

It is my understanding….
that he took the position primarily…
because everything at the college was designed for people of his stature.

COLLEGE FOOTBALL TEAM NEWS

ALABAMA: Bryant Denny Stadium hosted nearly eighty five thousand spectators this past Saturday to watch the spring scrimmage and witness the competition for starting quarterback.
If the offense can get pointed in the right direction and with nine returning starters on defense…
The Mighty Tide may Roll again in the Fall…

TENNESSEE: The annual Volunteer Orange and White game had nearly fifty thousand in attendance this year.

Prehaps the highlight of the afternoon’s festivities was awarding a Trophy….
To former coach Phil Fulmer…

I am not sure…
if the award was in recognition of his “5″ win season…
Or the fact that by leaving the university of Tennessee…
He single handedly dropped the crime rate in Knoxville by 36%!

Either way…
Congratulations!

EDITORS NOTE: There is no confirmation yet; on how many in attendance were law enforcement personnel, parole officers or bail bondsmen.

MICHIGAN: This past week all star basketball player and all around athlete Greg Paulus…
Strolled around the Wolverine campus to determine if he would walk-on as a future quarterback of the maze and blue.

This is what head Coach Rich Rodriguez had to say concerning the prize recruits visit:

“I didn’t meet with him…
But I can’t understand why Ron Paul would even want to play football..
I have seen him on television and he is kind of old, you know?
Plus he seems to have a career in politics or something already.”

EDITORS NOTE: After last years performance even Ron Paul at quarterback…
May not seem like such a bad idea if you think about it..

NEBRASKA: The Red and White spring game in Lincoln showcased Husker quarterback Zac Lee.
He clearly demonstrated that he is growing into the role of starting quarterback and leader of the Mighty Cornhuskers.

Converted Lineback Latravis Washington ran like he wants to be the premier back of the offense before 77,670 fans of the Husker nation.

EDITORS NOTE: I hate to be the one to tell you…
But the Mighty Huskers are Back…
You read it here first

TEXAS TECH: Ever heard of the name “Taylor Potts”?
He is the new captain of the Coach Leach offense in Red Raider Country…

Don’t worry fans you will know him well before the season is over..
Especially my Big 12 fans…

FLORIDA: Quarterback John Brantley led the offense during the Blue and Orange game for the National Champion Gators this past Saturday…
With most of the Gator starters setting out the game, this provided an opportunity to showcase the young talent the Gators have on the horizon…

Stated John after the game; “I think I have a real shot at starting this year…”

EDITORS NOTE: I Love the enthusiasm John…..
But I have “two” words for you son..
“TIM TEBOW”; now go take a seat on the bench…

AUBURN: New Tiger Football Coach Gene Chizik….

EDITORS NOTE: Pronounced: “Cheese-it” (Which is nice)

Proclaimed the War Eagle spring scrimmage a success!
and immedately ordered Championship rings for the winning squad..
No word yet on the parade….

WEST VIRGINIA: Quarterback Jarrett Brown “finally” has his shot at Mountaineer glory after (former) quarterback Pat White exhausted his 8 years of eligibility.

You will see a more “team” oriented offense this year from the Mountaineers..
That is loaded with talent…
Which is not good news for the rest of the Big East..

VIRGINIA TECH: I don’t have anything to report currently..
But, I do enjoy saying the word “Hokie”…
It’s fun to say even when you are alone…

NCAA: The ever diligent folks from Indianapolis have decided this past week to combine “both” investigations of the University of Southern California into one.

In case you may have forgotten…
The investigations in question invole Former Trojan athletes O.J. Mayo and Reggie Bush..
As you may recall…..
Both individuals are “alleged” to have accepted hundreds of thousands of dollars and gifts while playing for the University of the Second Coming…

Although both athletes “deny” the allegations…
The pair have placed the blame for their lavish lifestyle as college athletes…
On the “Trojan gift fairy”, who they are seeking…
Along with the “real” killers of Nicole Brown Simpson…

SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA: In case you haven’t heard….
Coach Pete Carroll of the Southern California Trojans is releasing a book….
Called….
“Winning Forever”

It is my understanding that the book describes how to funnel money to players, while turning a blind eye and keeping those pesky ole NCAA investigators at bay.

I hear it has a lot of “How To” pictures…

ARIZONIA STATE: This past week the former head football coach of the Sun Devils Bruce Snyder passed away. His twenty year career as a college football coach included an unbeaten season at Arizona State…

He will forever cast a long shadow in the Valley of the Sun…

WEST POINT:
He was known as “Mr. Inside”…
Doc…
and as the 1945 Heisman Trophy winner…
But Felix “Doc” Blanchard was more than that…

Nobody will argue that he was one of the finest college football players ever..
The bruising fullback was listed at 6 feet 208 pounds..
He and Glennn Davis, aka Mr. Outside, helped Army win consecutive National Titles in 1944-45.

But my favorite quote about Doc comes from none other than Notre Dame coach Ed McKeever who was quoted as saying about Blanchard in 1944…
“I’ve just seen Superman in the flesh….
He wears number 35 and goes by the name of Blanchard.”

Drafted in the third round by the Pittsburgh Steelers…
Doc never played a down….
He ended up serving a long career as a fighter pilot in the Air Force.
Flying combat missions in the Korean and Vietnam wars…

We will not see another player like him pass this way again…

RTR
MEB

It’s me again; James “Hootie” Snitch from Baneberry Tennessee!

And I am….
The Number One Tennessee Volunteer Fan on the Planet!

In case you hadn’t heard..
I had me a hell of a time last weekend in Athens Georgia…

To begin with…

Them cheatin damn Bulldogs beat my Vols…
I know you is a thinking…
How do Hootie know they cheated?

Cause the Dawgs won!
Can’t nobody Beat Coach Fulmer and the Vols unless they Cheat!

Then to make matters worse…

I done got myself arrested in Georgia…

Yep I done it…
Got out yesterday morning…

I got picked up for what they call “Solicitation”…

But I got what you call “Baited”…

My lawyer says he thinks he can get me out of it because like he says…
“it ain’t right to put something like that right in front of a Tennessee Fan and not think he is a going to jump on it..”

I have a picture of the gal I propositioned…

I think yawl will agree, there is NO WAY me or any other orange blooded Tennessee Vol male could have resisted such charms!

Thanks for understanding!

Hootie – Out!

What a weekend in College Football……

Despite being a dismal 31 and 10 (76%) I was the ONLY College Football Prognosticator in the Country that Picked the Mighty Longhorns over the Boomer Sooners of Oklahoma…

EDITORS NOTE: I greatly appreciate my Longhorn Fans…
However I will NOT be a candidate for Governor of the Lonestar State Next Year…

Despite the FACT my opponent hates Christmas, Children and Darrell Royal…
“I am Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator and I approved this message…”

Also…..
Picked LSU to fall to the Gators of Florida…
AND said to the Missouri Tigers…
“The Cowboys are closer than they appear in your rearview mirror…”

But I should have listened to Lee and Bulldog Jim…
They tried to tell me…
Those Mississippi State Bulldogs had the Commodores number in Starkville…
Great Job Guys…
I will pay closer attention next time..

Let’s take a look at “The Weekend That was” in College Football…..

Enjoy!

TEXAS: The Longhorns have a Colt that is nothing short of a thoroughbred…
GREAT win over a CLASS Sooner Team…

MISSOURI: I have a suggestion….
MAYBE if your Quarterback Chase Daniel had spent less time this past week complaining about “last” weeks win over Nebraska and getting a “really cool” haircut and spent MORE time studying the Oklahoma State defense MAYBE you all would be Number One this week…
Dumbass….

FLORIDA: I do believe Superman does wear Tim Tebow pajamas…..

MISSISSIPPI STATE: Never should have doubted Coach Croom and those Bulldogs…

NOTE TO SELF: Shouldn’t have doubted Lee and Bulldog Jim either….

KENTUCKY: What is the Deal?
You give Alabama ALL they can handle and then you lose to Carolina?

What gives?

PENN STATE: Wow…..

Talk about “Cutting the Cheese….”

EDITORS NOTE: Yes, I am that easily amused….

IVY LEAGUE: You all STILL Suck…

CLEMSON: To Coach Tommy….
I Told you so…..

To My Tiger Family…
Have NO Fear My Beloved Tiger Friends and Family….
You all are about to get a REAL Football Coach…

Believe it.

AUBURN: Whose ass you gonna “Fire” this Week Ears?

That whole being an arrogant ass thing isn’t alot of fun when you lose, is it?

ARKANSAS: Congratulations and thank you for making my weekend complete…

TENNESSEE: I find it curious that “Big Orange” Fans are mad as hell that they are losing…
Why?
Because you all weren’t upset when a Vol Player raped a mentally handicapped underage girl in the athletic dorm?
And got away with it…

You all weren’t mad when the punter had five DUI’s…
And got away with it…

You didn’t blink an eye when your defensive lineman attacked a student that he outweighted by nearly 200 pounds and disfigured him….
And got away with it…

There are A LOT more stories like that…
ARE you upset about those?

Where you upset with the lack of disciple on the Fat Mans Team?

Or was Winning More Important…
More Important that ANYTHING…

GOT to Beat Florida…
GOT to Beat Bama…
At any cost…

Shame on you….

TENNESSEE (PART II): I just can’t resist….

How is that having the LARGEST recruiting budget in the ENTIRE Nation thing working out for you?

I mean really…
Did you have to go ALL the way to San Diego California to find a Running Back with “Fumble-itis”?

Just wondering….

MICHIGAN: You lost to Toledo….

Enough said…..

MICHIGAN (PART II): Look at the bright side Coach Rod….

Your Wife still has “Rock of Love III” with Bret Michaels….

EAST CAROLINA: What the Hell?

Did you all just quit playing football or what?

GEORGIA: I want to take a moment to say Good-Bye to the GREAT Larry Munson…

He has been the voice of the Georgia Bulldogs for as long as I can remember…

I will miss the sound of his voice..
Knowing he is there, even if I am not listening to him…

Hearing him say…

“HUNKER DOWN DAWGS!”

“RUN YOU SILVER BRITCHES!”

Or…….

“Loran Whattayagot?”

My Favorite Larry Munson Quotes…..

“Hunker down, you guys!…I know I’m asking a lot, but hunker down one more time!”
- In a defensive  series late in the game against Auburn in 1982, which clinched the SEC title for Georgia

“My God Almighty, he ran right through two men! Herschel ran right over two men! They had him dead away inside the 9. Herschel Walker went 16 yards. He drove right over those orange shirts and is just  driving and running with those big thighs. My God, a freshman!”
- Calling Herschel Walker’s first touchdown run against the Tennessee Volunteers in 1980.

“So we’ll try to kick one a hundred thousand miles. We’re holding it on our own 49-and-a-half … gonna  try to kick it sixty yards plus a foot-and-a-half … and Butler kicked a long one … a long one … Oh my God! Oh my God! … The stadium is worse than bonkers!”
- Calling Kevin Butler’s field goal in the final seconds to win over Clemson in 1984

“They’re beating us like we’re Maryland or Wake Forest or somebody”
- Calling the loss against Georgia  Tech in 2000.

“We just stepped on their face with a hob-nailed boot and broke their nose! We just crushed their face!” – Calling Georgia’s last-second win over Tennessee in 2001

“Touchdown! Oh, God, a touchdown!”
- Calling David Greene’s touchdown pass to Michael Johnson as Georgia defeated Auburn in 2002, clinching the Bulldogs’ first-ever SEC Eastern Division championship

Enjoy Your retirement Larry….

It won’t be the same without you…

HOW BOUT THEM DAWGS!

RTR
MEB