It’s Bowling Season……..

And with more Bowl Games than ever and sponsorships of the games difficult to follow

Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator will break the Bowl games down into two parts for your reading enjoyment.

No need to thank me….

Think of it as an early Christmas present…..

Enjoy Part I of your Bowl games……

THE BOWL GAMES (PART I)

December 18th

New Mexico Bowl
Albuquerque, New Mexico
BYU and UTEP
This “bowl” game with its simple name recognizing the state in which it is played
was changed to its current name after the “sponsorship” of the previous bowl game was determined to be “inappropriate”.
The bowl game was formally known as the…..
“We Suck Bowl” sponsored by Hoover Vacuum Cleaners
With all the letters in these two teams it should have been sponsored by….
Campbell’s Alphabet Soup….
COUGARS 33-24

uDrove Humanitarian Bowl
Boise, Idaho
Northern Illinois and Fresno State
This sponsorship confuses me…..
Why would you drive to Boise Idaho to be a Humanitarian?
Frankly that sounds like a threat to me….
BULLDOGS 28-24

R&L Carrier New Orleans Bowl
New Orleans, Louisiana
Ohio and Troy
I think to name your bowl game after a “carrier”
During the cold and flu season is just rude…
I hope the sponsors get runny noses out of this….
MEN OF TROY 31-28

December 21st

Beef O’ Brady’s St Petersburg Bowl
St. Petersburg Florida
Louisville and Southern Miss
What in the hell were the sponsors of this bowl game thinking?
It sounds like the game is sponsored by a porn actor
GOLDEN EAGLES 24-17

December 22nd

MAACO Las Vegas Bowl
Las Vegas, Nevada
Utah and Boise State
Isn’t MACCO where Rita Rod get’s her make-up applied?
Never mind, I just remembered she has it done at Earl Shive
Sorry for the confusion….
Two Utes get their potatoes mashed….
BRONCOS 33-31

December 23rd

San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl
San Diego, California
San Diego State and Navy
I much prefer the more appropriate name for this “California” Bowl game
“The Wild Fire Illegal Aliens Mud Slide Earthquake Out of Sight Taxes Bowl”
It has a nice ring to it, don’t you think?
MIDSHIPMEN 38-17

December 24th

Sheraton Hawaii Bowl
Honolulu, Hawaii
Tulsa and Hawaii
Dog the Bounty Hunter’s mullet could beat both of these teams…
Don’t make him prove it either…
WARRIORS Bounty Hunting on RAINBOWS 43-38

December 26th

Little Caesars Bowl
Detroit, Michigan
Florida International and Toledo
Who in the hell thought a bowl game in Detroit was a good idea?
What was their second choice for a bowl game, Beirut Lebanon?
They should have gone with Beirut; it’s safer than Detroit….
SUNSHINE PANTHERS 33-28

December 27th

AdvoCare V100 Independence Bowl
Shreveport, Louisiana
Georgia Tech and Air Force
Much like you…..
I have no idea what the hell a V100 is and why somebody Advo – Cares about it…
Why can’t this just be the Weed Eater Bowl, like it used to be….
MIGHTY FALCONS 34-28

December 28th

Champs Sports Bowl
Orlando Florida
North Carolina State and West Virginia
I like this match-up…..
It will be slobber knocker to the final whistle…..
Light those Couches in Morgantown!
MOUNTAINEERS 33-31

Insight Bowl
Tempe, Arizona
Iowa and Missouri
I have some “insight” for you in this Bowl game….
This has the potential to be one of the better games of the season….
Believe it
MO’ KNOWS BOWLS 24-21

December 29th

Military Bowl presented by Northrop Grumman
Washington, D.C.
Maryland and East Carolina
Since this game is in Washington D.C…….
The sponsors debated between the games current name…
And “The Beltway Bandit Contractor’s Bowl” and
“The Crack Pipe Bowl” sponsored by Marion Barry
I wish they would have gone with the latter…
It’s more appropriate
FIGHTING TURTLES 33-27

Texas Bowl
Houston, Texas
Illinois and Baylor
What I wouldn’t give to be in Houston town tonight…..
BEARS 28-20

Valero Bowl
San Antonio, Texas
Oklahoma State and Arizona
Little known fact…..
“Valero” is Spanish for…..
“Sam Houston kicked Santa Anna’s ass at San Jacinto”
I can say that because each and every morning I wake up and..
Remember the Alamo
COWBOY UP! 38-17

More on the way to include Part II of the Bowl Picks

So Stay Tuned

RTR
THE CFB WIZARD

It all comes down to this……..

The one Saturday that has been marked on your calendars since last spring…..

This Saturday……

Is “The Third Saturday in October”…..

This Saturday…….

Jo Pa visits the Big Horseshoe….

This Saturday…….

The Dawgs of Georgia travel to Death Valley to take on the Fightn’ Tigers…

This Saturday…….

The Wolverines and Spartans do battle in Michigan…..

And….
This Saturday…….

The University of Southern California plays “another” Assisted Living Facility in the Pac 10!

It’s a Big Weekend of College Football….
So let’s get to it…

Enjoy Your Picks!

College Football NEWS and VIEWS

ABC COLLEGE FOOTBALL (Opening): We get it…..
ABC…ESPN….Disney..etc…etc…
ALSO owns the record company that promotes Kenny Chesney…
Which explains the “opening” segment of him singing his “new” song….

The “opening” segment couldn’t be any Gayer if George Michael and Sigfried and Roy were singing ” It’s Raining Men…”

EDITORS NOTE: ALSO……
I really don’t want to hear a gay man singing about having a “Wild Ride”…
It’s disgusting….

CBS COLLEGE FOOTBALL: Can you believe it…..
The “Commentators” with CBS were actually saying “Southern California was scoring style points by beating Washington State” by 70 points….

Style Points?

Washington State is 1 and 7….
Their ONLY win coming against Portland State……
And….
YOU want to talk about “Style Points”?

Isn’t that just a new name for “Bad Sportsmanship”?

TEXAS: DAMNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!

LOU HOLTZ: By now you have all heard about what Lou said on the ESPN College Football studio program…

He used a “Hitler” reference last weekend when giving a description about leadership and discussing “Good” and “Bad” leadership…..

Coach Lou was forced to apologize on National Television….
ask for forgiveness…..
and generally beg on national television to keep his job…

COMMENTARY: I am sick of this damn crap….

NOBODY on the planet enjoys picking on Lou more than I do….
I think he looks like a Granny from “The Beverly Hillbillies”….
I think he sounds like Slyvester the Cat after dollar beer night at the Bowling Alley…
I believe he may be a 150 pound Tom Turkey…

BUT he didn’t SAY a damn thing wrong….
There isn’t a DAMN thing in the Constitution of the United States that “Gives you the right to be Offended”

If you are that big a damn Wussy and searching the planet for something to offend you….
Look no further than right here…dumbass.

BIG 12 HEISMAN: This year the Heisman Trophy will belong to the Big 12….
It may be Texas Tech….
Could be Oklahoma….
Might be MO’S TIGERS….
BUT….
It WILL be in Austin Texas…..
Believe it….

FLORIDA: Just for the Record….
The Mighty Gators of Florida won the 1984 Southeastern Conference Championship….

Period….

EDITORS NOTE: In case you didn’t know by now….
Yes, I can carry a grudge….

PENN STATE: All I heard before the season started….
“Jo Pa has Lost control of the team…..”
Then…..
“The game has passed Jo Pa…”

Hell……
This past week I even spoke with a guy that “claimed” to be an Alumni of Penn State and he said….
“Jo Pa has GOT to Go!……It’s Time!”

Then he admitted that “He didn’t really watch football……”
EDITORS NOTE: It is my belief….
That the guy I spoke with is either lying about going to Penn State or he is a communist..

However, it is also my belief that the extreme cold of living that close to the Arctic Circle causes permanent brain freeze….

SOUTHEASTERN CONFERENCE: We are still waiting to hear what you are going to do with the “Full-Contact” referee from the South Carolina – LSU Game?

EDITORS NOTE: Please don’t ask if I will forget all about it…..
You know better than that….

WISCONSIN: FOUR in a DAMN Row?
How can you cheese-heads lose FOUR in a DAMN ROW?

You are killing my average….
You know that right?

NAVY: SOOOooooo I pick you to “Win”….
YOU lose….

I pick you to “Lose”…
YOU win….

Why can’t we all just get along?

ARMY: Please see “Navy” above….

COMMERCIALS: What is the deal with Dr. Pepper?

Are athletes that haven’t been on television in over 25 years suppose to make us drink “More” Dr. Pepper?

Maybe showing an out of work actor from a 20 year old situational comedy will do the trick?

Are you all stupid or just out of touch?

STOP IT!….It’s annoying.

COMMERCIALS (PART II): I could not believe my own ears…..

Last week on ESPN College GameDay here were the order of commercials during the first hour….

First…
“Subway”…The Five Dollar Foot-long commercial complete with the catchy theme music…

Second….
“Viagra”…The “Viva Viagra” commercial complete with the catchy theme music…

Third…
“Male Enhancement”…You guessed it…
Complete with some catchy theme music….

This subliminal messaging thing has gotten out of control…..

MICHIGAN STATE: The Spartans have a chance for glory this weekend….

Take advantage of it…..

SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA: Seriously…..
Are you guys STILL not on probation?

AFTER….
ALL the Reggie Bush $$$$$$$$ while he was still in school?

EVEN…
AFTER all that?

AND….
Reggie Bush’s Momma’s and Daddy’s house?

Really?……

Where did the NCAA get YOUR investigators?

Aruba?

NATIONAL SPORTS MEDIA: I loved last weeks slobber fest between the Media and the $outhern California Trojan$…..
 They tried to make the thrashing of the Washington State Cougars sound like the Trojan$ just beat the Klingons for Interstellar Domination….

ESPN: Did anyone have the misfortune of hearing the ESPN crew calling the Georgia Tech – Clemson game last Saturday?

I won’t rehash the level of stupidity between those two idiots….
There is no point in it…

But let me just say this….

The “Dumbass Twins” of Andre Ware and David Pasch….

Put the DUMB….

IN….

ASS…..

ESPN (PART II): Still no word about the Reggie Bush and Southern California Trojan Investigation?

Really?

You know I am going to KEEP doing this?
Right?

NCAA: You all have more TOOLS……than Lowes and Home Depot combined.

A BELATED HAPPY BIRTHDAY….
To THE Voice of COLLEGE Football…

MR. KEITH JACKSON…..

HAPPY BIRTHDAY and Whoa NELLY!

EMAIL Questions and ANSWERS

Q: Mike, you heard anything else about that invasion into Georgia?
Me and the Misses is in the Storm Shelter…
We thought we heard tanks the other day..
But it was just the garbage truck…
Is it safe to come out yet?
Carl and Joyce – Salem, Alabama
A: You two are Auburn Fans…Right?
Then I would stay in the storm shelter at least until Coach “Ears” Tommy gets his arrogant head out of his posterior…

Q: Dude, seriously….
Could the ABC College Football pregame with Kenny Chesney be any more gay?
Jim – Fort Collins, Colorado
A: No it couldn’t Jim….

Q: YOU is innorant as Hell!
They way you a bashing Coach Fulmers and them Vols, you sond like a hater!
As far as I concern…
You ain’t no better than Randall Hitler!
Porkchop – Big Lick, Tennessee
A: I am confused….
While studying at the University of Tennessee…
Were you a History or English major?

Q: Mike, can help us settle a bet we have at work?
Is it true that Carolina Gamecock Quarterback Chris Smelly almost went to Arkansas?
IF it is true…
Why didn’t he go to Arkansas?
Thanks!
The Boys from Carolina – Columbia, South Carolina
A: The Answer to your question is “Yes”…..
Chris Smelly “almost” went to Arkansas instead of South Carolina….
Why didn’t he?
I think he was afraid of how it might sound being in front of Casey Dick on the depth chart…

It just wouldn’t be right….

Q: Mike, when you aren’t writing what do you enjoy doing?
Just wondering!
Thanks!
Holly – Biloxi, Mississippi
A: Thanks for asking Holly….
I enjoy long walks on the Beach…
and poking dead things with a stick….

Q: Mike we are studying American Indians in school!
What would you say your American Indian name would be?
Thanks a lot!
Sharon – Victoria, Texas
A: Good question Sharon…..
I would have to say….
“Runs with Beer….”

Q: Mike, Why did you call the “Big” Tennessee Volunteer booster John Thornton “Thunder Lips”?
Is that his nickname?
Thanks!
Shelly – Nashville, Tennessee
A: That ”IS” his nickname Shelly….
But you don’t want to know HOW he got it…

But let me say this…

If you ever watch him eat a corndog..
He makes Kenny Chesney look completely Heterosexual….

THE GAMES

Saturday October 25th

Alabama at Tennessee
This is Democrats and Republicans…
Cowboys and Indians….
Oil and Water….
Except it’s worse…
CRIMSON TIDE 24-17

Texas Tech at Kansas
The folks from Kansas haven’t seen this many fast moving Raiders since the James Boys…
GET THOSE GUNS UP!
RED RAIDERS 38-24

Valdosta State at North Alabama
The Boys from “Upper” Bama have overcome an early season slip…..
AND…
These Big Cats are hungry….
LIONS 33-17

Boston College at North Carolina
I have a question?
Is “Disco Inferno” south of Miami?
Just wondering…
Never mind…
TAR HEELS 27-23

EDITORS NOTE: You hear that song in your head now….
Don’t you?

Wake Forest at Miami (FL)
I think it is still Hurricane Season until the first of November…
So Enough said….
HURRICANES 23-17

 
Eastern Michigan at Ball State
Honestly….
I would rather hear “Everybody was Kung Fu Fighting”…
Than “Disco Inferno..”
But that’s just me…
CARDINALS 28-24

Cincinnati at Connecticut
The Queen City is known for it’s Chilli….
Goldstar….
Skyline….
So what is Co-Net-I-cutt known for?
My point exactly….
BEARKATS 24-20

Northwestern at Indiana
Since the Folks from Hoosier-ville refused my offer to have Jim Nabors sponsor the team for a year….
I just can’t pull for them any longer….
I CANNOT believe you didn’t want to be called the “Gomers!”

SHAZAM! Would have made for a great entrance….
WILDCATS 24-14

Illinois at Wisconsin
It’s too close to Halloween to go against….
ZOOKS FIGHTN PUMPKINS

 
Minnesota at Purdue
Have you seen the Purdue Mascot “Purdue Pete”?
That damn thing’s head is almost as big as Wynonna Judd’s!
Notice I said….”almost”.
Oooo SO GOLDEN GOPHERS 23-21

Oklahoma at Kansas State
The Wildcats will keep it close….
Until they hear…”And the Rockets Red Glare….”
Then they will be down by two touchdowns…
BOOMER SOONERS 44-17

Kentucky at Florida
My Beloved Big Blue Fans….
I wish I had better news for you….
MIGHTY GATORS 38-14

Carson Newman at Brevard College
I knew a rich kid once named Brevard…
He was the only child….
His momma and daddy got him a pet monkey for his birthday….
That damn thing got out and pooped all over the house and tore the curtians off the walls….
It was funny as hell…
You know something?
I almost feel guilty about letting that thing out of it’s cage..
SPARKS EAGLES 34-24

Baylor at Nebraska
Have I mentioned that the Baylor School of Medicine is one of the finest medical schools in the country?
I know it doesn’t really fit here…
But I always like to have something positive say before a team gets an ass whippin…
CORNHUSKERS 33-13

Georgia at LSU
No Upset Special….
This is just how it is…..
HOW BOUT THEM DAWGS! 24-21

Louisiana Tech at Army
Vince Dooley’s son is the Head Coach of Tech….
That’s good enough for me….
BULLDOGS 27-10

UNLV at Brigham Young
I bet the folks from Vegas that travel to the game in Provo think they are in HELL…..
COUGARS 38-17

Anderson at Defiance
What are they “defying” and why?
Just wondering….

Duke at Vanderbilt
I love it when smart kids fight….
It’s sooooo cute.
COMMODORES 27-23

Fresno State at Utah State
I know it doesn’t fit here…
But have you ever thought…
That Waffle House is too Southerners…
What Starbucks is too yankees?

Just a thought…
BULLDOGS 34-17

Rice at Tulane
Anytime I hear “Green Wave…”
I think the toilet has over flowed…
OWLS 24-14

Oklahoma State at Texas
How can you go against a Quarterback named after my favorite firearm manufacturer?
YOU can’t….
THAT’S MY POINT!
LONGHORNS 38-24

Virginia Tech at Florida State
This past week Coach Bobby was asked what he thought about Tommy getting fired…
He said…
“Thomas Edison was the smartest kid in my class…It doesn’t surprise me that he invented fire..”

It’s sad really…..
NOLES 27-23

South Florida at Louisville
YOU can take this one to the bank….
And that is…
NO BULL 27-17

Michigan State at Michigan
Yes…
It’s true…
This past week I called a “certain”  Wolverine Coach…
And left him a message…
“The Garden Club called and they want their Ho Back…”

He immedately sent his wife to Ace Hardware….
(I don’t believe he gets it…)
SPARTANS 33-17

Rutgers at Pittsburg
I would watch this game…..
But…
The History of Toast is on the Food Channel…..
PANTHERS 17-10

UCLA at California
I wonder if “Disco Fever” and…
“Boogie Fever” are the same thing?

Never mind…
BEARS 3-2

Virginia at Georgia Tech
The only thing going for Tech is the “Varsity”….
Which is across the street….
So technically they don’t have anything going for them…
YELLOW JACKETS 6-3

North Carolina State at Maryland
I will not doubt the power of the Ninja Turtles (again..)
Especially if Pizza is involved…
NINJA TURTLES 28-17

Southern Methodist at Navy
UPSET SPECIAL!!!!!
Saddle Up Boys!
MIGHTY MUSTANGS 33-31

Quachita Baptist at Southwest Baptist
There will be alot of Baptist fighting in this one…
BUT…
There better not be any dancing!
BAPTIST 23-21

New Mexico State at Idaho
I wonder if “Ida” had a sister named “Ima”…
The she would be Ima…
Never mind…
AGGIES 31-10

Wyoming at Texas Christian
The Cowboys can’t ride these Horned Frogs…
Trust me..
They just can’t…
HORNED FROGS 34-10

Colorado at Missouri
Last week MO understood the meaning of a Texas Beat Down….
This week….
MO KNOWS Football (again…)
MO’S TIGERS 38-34

Mississippi at Arkansas
Sometimes you feel like a Nutt….
Sometimes you don’t…
This week I do…
REBELS 27-24

Dixie State at Azusa Pacific
You had me at “Dixie”….
GIVE EM HELL!

Texas A&M at Iowa State
I am not a fan of the “new” Aggie Coaching Staff….
But the “Aggie War Hymn” is motivating as hell….
Enough said….
GIG EM AGGIES 27-17

MTSU at Mississippi State
“M.T.S.U.” sounds like an ingredient in dog food….
That’s good enough for me…
BULLDOGS 23-17

Penn State at Ohio State
Jo Pa has not won a game in the Big Horseshoe since the Lions joined the Big Ten…er…Eleven Conference.
That trend continues Saturday Night…
Believe it…
BUCKEYES 23-20

Southern Miss at Memphis
Just for the record….
I still miss Coach Jeff Bower…
GOLDEN EAGLES 24-20

Notre Dame at Washington
Does it “really” matter?
Of course not…..
FIGHTING IRISH 33-10

Colorado State at San Diego State
I would watch this game….
But I am going to watch Mike Tyson try to solve the “Soul Train Scramble Board”…
In case you were wondering…
The show is scheduled for three hours…
RAMS 23-20

Southern California at Arizona
YIPPPPPPPPEEEE!!!!
ANOTHER “Classic” matchup in the PAC 10!
HOW Bout those STYLE Points!
TROJAN$ 138-0

Sunday October 26th

Central Florida at Tulsa
What do we have here….
Golden Knights and Golden Hurricanes….
Sounds like Kenny Chesney’s Birthday Party…
GOLDEN HURRICANES 38-17

EDITORS NOTE: Sorry…that was just wrong.

Nevada at Hawaii
Seeing this game scheduled for Sunday Night….
Makes me wish “Dog the Bounty Hunter” was on Sunday Nights too….
But sometimes…
I just wish for too much…
WARRIORS Pop’n and Lock’n on RAINBOWS 34-31

Enjoy Your games!

RTR
MEB

POST GAME…..

Please Check back this Sunday….

I am afraid this is going to be a short season for me….

RTR
MEB

I was 31 and 10 during “Lucky Week 7″ which means we are once again 76% for the week.

If you are keeping up with the season this far….
That leaves me at 271 and 73 for the season or a “not so impressive” 79%.

But have I mentioned that I was the ONLY College Football Prognosticator in the Country to Pick the Longhorns over the Sooners?
I did?
O.K……Never mind then..

EDITORS NOTE: The term “Lucky Week 7″ does not refer in any way to any of the following universities or college football teams:
Missouri
Tennessee
Illinois
Indiana
Auburn
Michigan (again)
East Carolina
Wisconsin
Northwestern
Washington
Washington State
Well…Anything “Washington”
Arizona
Arizona State
Actually…Anything “Arizona”
Notre Dame
Vanderbilt
Kentucky
LSU
Oklahoma
Or anything “Bowden”

Enjoy Your Picks!

THE GAMES

Thursday October 16th

Florida State at North Carolina State
I am not saying Bobby is “Old”….
But if you call Bobby and ask him if has “Sir Walter Raleigh” in a can….
He takes it “personally”….
And will tell you to “Stop Talking about his friend…”
SEMINOLES 31-27

Brigham Young at Texas Christian
NO Upset Special……
I just Believe in the Power of the Horned Frog….
HORNED FROGS 24-23

Delta State at North Alabama
As we discussed last week:
There is NO such thing as “Northern” Alabama or “North” Alabama….
Also, as a side note…
There is NO such thing as “Northern” or “North” Mississippi…

There is however a “North” Georgia…
That term refers to the location where we still have the yankees trapped…

Glad we got that cleared up…
LIONS 38-10

Friday October 17th

Hawaii at Boise State
Seriously……
Rainbow Head Coach Greg McMackin…
YOU “demoted” Coach Brian Kajiyama?
What kind of Jackass are you?

I am going to enjoy the Bronco’s beating you like a rented mule…

I have said it before and I will say it again…

YOU do not deserve to live in the same state as “Dog the Bounty Hunter”…
Those guys are cool….
BRONCOS 43-17

Your Saturday Games will be out tomorrow….

Enjoy!

RTR
MEB

Before we get into Saturday’s Picks I have to say…

I am still mad about last night……

I am One and Two on Thursday night (again)?

DAMN it….

This is the reason my average has fallen faster than the stock market the last two weeks…

As you know I was a disappointing 30 and 15 (76%) last week…

Which leaves me at an embarrassing 202 and 51 for the season or 80%.

Hold on for a minute…..

I just said thirty “Hail Bryants”…..
Now I feel better…

Enjoy Your Picks!

College Football NEWS and VIEWS

HAWAII: This message is for Rainbow Head Coach Greg McMackin…
YOU “demoted” Coach Brian Kajiyama?
Shame on you…

NOW I am really glad you are losing…

YOU do not deserve to live in the same state as “Dog the Bounty Hunter”…
I love those guys…

TENNESSEE: I recall the NCAA’s “Big Fat Secret Witness” had this to say about “Why he had a problem with the University of Alabama”….

“That University (Alabama) is recruiting in my backyard (Memphis), and I have to question why anyone would leave MY state for another school…”

- Fat Phil Fulmer (Also Known as the NCAA’s “Secret Witness”)

Really?

Well, somebody better alert the Fat Man because the Miami Hurricanes have gotten some key players out of his backyard under the shadow of his ever expanding ass….

From Memphis too……

Running Back…Graig Cooper
Corner Back…Carlos Armour
Offensive Line….Tyler Horn

 Let’s cut to the chase shall we?

Are you Tennessee Vol fans EVER going to be embarrassed by this gibbering jackass’s behavior?

Have you all sold your soul’s for a win?

Just wondering….

VANDERBILT: IF you beat Auburn this Saturday Night…
You all will be 5 and 0 for the first time since 1943…..

I am a Believer…..

CLEMSON: My Tiger Family…I have GOOD news.

This is how it’s going to work…

Dumbass Tommy’s Contract will be bought out by the end of the year…

Your “New” Coach?

Meet Coach Johnson of Vanderbilt…

He IS a Clemson Man…

and will be Your Football Coach in 2009…

Believe it…

NCAA: Seriously, when can we expect to hear about the “Investigation” into Reggie Bu$h and the $outhern California Trojan$?

In the words of Duane “Dog” Chapman…

“I will not give this up until I take my last dying breath”

EDITORS NOTE: I wonder if people that “Google” Reggie Bu$h or the $outhern California Trojan$ ever get tired of seeing the Ole CFBWIZARD pop up…

NCAA (PART II): Has Fat Phil called you all yet about the Miami Hurricanes recruiting in Memphis?

MIAMI (FL): “IF” you happen to see what appears to be an overweight Manatee hiding in the bushes on the Hurrcane campus wearing a “Big Orange” T-shirt…

That smells like ass and potted meat…

Don’t worry…
OR call the Animal Control folks….

It’s just Fat Phil Fulmer conducting another “Investigation” for the NCAA….

$OUTHERN CALIFORNIA: YOU jackasses aren’t on probation or “Looking down the barrel of the Death Penalty” YET?

Really?

I guess that only applies to “Real” Southern Schools…

ESPN: How much longer must we be held hostage to the halftime segment entitled…”Dr. Lou”?

Why we must we be subjected to listening to a 140 pound Tom Turkey spit and slur during the entire halftime?

Lou sounds like Slyvester the Cat after a three day drinking binge….

ESPN (PART II): Everytime I hear Pam Ward talk…

I die…

Just a little bit…

Inside…

PLEASE make her STOP!

ESPN (PART III): SOOOOOooooooooooo….

You all really don’t want to talk about the NCAA and PAC 10 “Investigation” into Reggie Bu$H and the Univer$ity of $outhern California Trojan$?

You do know I am going to bug the hell out of you and talk trash until you do?

Right?

Just so we understand each other…

HASKELL INDIAN NATIONS UNIVERSITY: For the first time in almost 75 years the university is re-introducing football on campus….

Why is this important?

Before this Country’s GREATIST athlete enrolled at Carlisle Indian School….

Jim Thorpe played football at Haskell Prep…..

That football field IS sacred ground…

Good Luck this weekend Boys!

EMAIL QUESTIONS and ANSWERS

Q: Mike, what is your “Problem” with “everything” California?
Juniper – San Diego, California
A: Because you all suck…

I hope that cleared up any misunderstanding…

Q: I have a question for you…
Why do they call Pittsburg State the “Gorillas”?
Thanks!
Chuck – Abilene, KS
A: Have you ever seen their Cheerleaders?

I rest my case….

Q: Hey, I got me a question!
My sister has what the doctor calls “Web” feet.
Does that mean if we hook her up to a computer, that
We is gettin our own “Web”-”site”?
GO VOLS
Stu – Pikeville, Tennessee
A: So Stu…
How close do you live to the Nuclear Power Plant?

Just wondering…

Q: Seriously Mike…
How old is Bobby Bowden?
Thanks!!
Tommy – Blacksburg, Virginia
A: Tommy…
When Bobby Bowden was born…
They hadn’t even invented dirt yet…

THE GAMES

Saturday October 4th

Penn State at Purdue
I would sooner doubt John Wayne than second guess Jo Pa…
JO PA’S LIONS 34-17

Duke at Georgia Tech
This is an imperfect world we live in….
Or…
They would BOTH Lose…
YELLOW JACKETS 31-23

Iowa at Michigan State
I like that Spartan Running Back…
That Ringer kid is a Class act…
CALL THE SPARTANS 23-14

Indiana at Minnesota
Gophers and Homers?
This is what I have to choose from?
Where is David Hasselhoff when you really need him?
OOOO SO GOLDEN GOPHERS 23-17

Boston College at North Carolina State
Not that it fits here….
But did you all know…
That a Boston accent is one of the VERY Best Birth Control devices known to mankind?
EAGLES 24-21

Rutgers at West Virginia
The folks from New Jersey (Pronounced: Newww Jorseee) are introduced to what is commonly referred to as:
A Mountain Ass Whoppin…
Light those Couches!
MOUNTAINEERS 34-17

Akron at Kent State
What a choice I have here…
Zippers or Protesting Wusseys…
I would rather watch monkeys sling poop for three hours…
ZIPPERS 23-10

Oklahoma at Baylor
This game is going to be uglier than my sister-in-law’s Prom Night…
“With” Power Blue Eye Shadow…
(Sorry for the Visual…)
BOOMER SOONER 38-13

Florida at Arkansas
There are few things in this world as mean as a wounded Gator…

Well…
That and my sister-in-law with a Hang Over…

Never mind…
It’s kind of the Same thing…
MIGHTY GATORS 43-10

Kansas at Iowa State
The Cyclones don’t have enough wind to make a popcorn fart…
HAWKS of JAY 33-17

Alcorn State at New Mexico State
Somebody really named their school after Al’s Bunion?
That is just disgusting…
AGGIES 34-14

EDITORS NOTE: Bring back “Pistol Pete”…..
I am NOT Kidding!

Western Kentucky at Virginia Tech
You say “Hill Toppers”…
I say……
“Turkey Feed”
HOKIES 33-10

UNLV at Colorado State
You know what they say?
What happens in Vegas…
Usually gets cured in the Doctors office in about ten to fourteen working days…
REBELS 28-20

South Carolina at Ole Miss
Forget about last week…
It’s a new day…..
GAMECOCKS 31-28

Stanford at Notre Dame
EVERYBODY in the Country Picked the IRISH last week…
TO LOSE…
BUT Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator..
No Need to thank me…
FIGHTING IRISH 28-17

Army at Tulane
Dare I pick the once proud Black Knights of the Hudson?
NOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooo!
GREEN WAVE 24-14

Kentucky at Alabama
I love my Big Blue Fans…
There are no better fans on the planet…
SO I will keep this one simple…
CRIMSON TIDE 34-17

Texas Tech at Kansas State
Do you know what time it is?
It’s TIME to get those GUNS UP RED RAIDERS!
RED RAIDERS 38-20

Mars Hill at Carson Newman
You know we have a screwed up immigration policy when People from “Mars” have their own college…
SPARK’S EAGLES 38-10

Illinois at Michigan
It’s October…..
Which means it’s too close to Halloween…
To go against the Fighting Pumpkins…
ZOOK’S PUMPKINS 31-21

 
Arizona State at California
You may call me “crazy”….
So did that “know it all” Doctor…
SUN DEVILS 24-23

Southern Methodist at Central Florida
Say it with me…
MIGHTY..MIGHTY…
MUSTANGS! 33-31

Florida State at Miami (FL)
The Good News?
Coach Bobby thinks he is meeting Woodrow Wilson and getting an award for “discovering” Sea Monkeys…
The Bad News?
It’s STILL Hurricane Season…
CANES 33-17

Navy at Air Force
Didn’t the “Village People” have a Sailor in the “group”?
That’s what I thought…
FALCONS 38-24

Nevada at Idaho
When I hear or read about Idaho I don’t think about football or potatoes..
I remember that girl “Ida” from High School…
She had a rather “progressive view of morals” for her time…
Forget I mentioned it…
WOLFPACK 28-24

Auburn at Vanderbilt
I am not sure I believe it myself…
But I am a Believer….
COMMODORES 17-16

San Diego State at Texas Christian
Didn’t the Aztec’s Kill the Baby Seals?
I learned that from a southern California History Teacher..
HORNED FROGS 38-10

Connecticut at North Carolina
Did you see the Tar Heels play last weekend?
My point exactly…..
TAR HEELS 24-17

Texas A&M at Oklahoma State
My favorite movie of all time?
After “Lonesome Dove”?
John Wayne: The Cowboys.
Enough said…
COWBOY UP! 27-10

Maryland at Virginia
I will not doubt the POWER of the NINJA turtles…
Again…
NINJA TURTLES 38-13

UTEP at Southern MIss
I will let you all in on a little “secret” to picking the games…
UTEP is in El Paso…
Southern Miss is in Hattiesburg Mississippi…
El Paso smells like a used urinal cake…

Hattiesburg smells like heaven…

That’s how it’s done…
GOLDEN EAGLES 24-17

Northern Illinois at Tennessee
By the time the Knoxghanistan Newspaper gets finished writing about this game….
You will think the Vowels beat the damn New England Patriots…
Enjoy it while you can…

YOU all got the Big DAWGS next week….
VOWELS 43-17

Ball State at Toledo
Have I mentioned that David Letterman went to Ball State?
Well, so did one of the best looking women in South Carolina…
So there…
CARDINALS 34-24

Washington at Arizona
I would LOVE to watch this game…
Really I would…
But there is a “special” about Gary Coleman on Vh1 “Behind the Music”…
I wish he would write a song called “What’ Ch-U Talking about Willis”..
Sometimes I wish for too much…
WILDCATS 6-3

Oregon at U$C
In a “Perfect World”?
They would BOTH lose….
By A lot…
TROJAN$ 3-2

Texas at Colorado
What is the first thing I think about when I wake up?
I Remember the Alamo…
HOOK EM HORNS 38-14

Ohio State at Wisconsin
This is the Game of the Week….
The “National Sports Media” believes the Badgers will win this game….
Thank God you all have me…
MIGHTY BUCKEYES 27-23

Rice at Tulsa
I LOVE Rice Pudding….
But (Like I said) it is STILL Hurricane season….
GOLDEN HURRICANES 24-23

EDITORS NOTE: Sorry…that just sounded nasty.

Missouri at Nebraska
Coach Bo will keep this closer than you think….
Keep the faith my Black Shirt Faithful….
The Huskers ARE on their way back…
MO’S TIGERS 34-23

Wyoming at New Mexico
I hate picking the Low Blows….
It’s the same feeling you get when you order something from Tony Little…
LOW BLOWS 13-7

Hawaii at Fresno State
For those that are hearing impaired…..
Let me repeat the earlier statement concerning Hawaii Warrior Football….

This message is for Rainbow Head Coach Greg McMackin…
YOU “demoted” Coach Brian Kajiyama?
Shame on you…

YOU do not deserve to live in the same state as “Dog the Bounty Hunter”…
I really do love THOSE guys…
BULLDOGS 34-17

 Washington State at UCLA
I have to change the dirt out of my ant farm or I would watch this game…
Really….
BRUINS 23-17

Enjoy your Games!

RTR
MEB