Anytime you can begin an article on College Football by quoting the late great Warren Zevon then you have to know you will be going on a ride. This will be one of those times.

Get comfortable if you can and enjoy the trip

Enjoy….

“The floodgates are open
We’ve let the demons loose
The big guns have spoken
And we’ve fallen for the ruse”

“Disorder in the House” – Warren Zevon

Before some of you begin rolling your eyes and saying; “Here he goes again”
Let me begin this commentary with this statement; we have become a nation of imbeciles who can’t or won’t think for ourselves.

EDITORS NOTE: In the context of my last statement I will stick to the topic of college football. I don’t have enough time or energy to discuss that statement in terms of politics and mainstream media but suffice to say the statement fits those parties to a damn tee.
Please continue….

For too many people if ESPN say’s it then it MUST be true.
Conversely if they “don’t” mention it then it must NOT be important.

EDITORS NOTE: I am certainly not referring to my loyal and well informed and educated readership with the above statement. You all are far too sophisticated to fall for such sophomoric shenanigans. So let’s continue….

Before the BCS National Championship game…
ESPN and the NCAA stated emphatically that Auburn Quarterback Cam Newton “was cleared of any wrongdoing” in the Investigation surrounding his Father (The Right Reverend Ceil Newton) of shopping his son’s football services to at least one university.

Despite the fact the NCAA “rules” state the following…..

“If at any time before or after matriculation in a member institution a student-athlete or any member of his/her family receives or agrees to receive, directly or indirectly, any aid or assistance beyond or in addition to that permitted by the Bylaws of this Conference (except such aid or assistance as such student-athlete may receive from those persons on whom the student is naturally or legally dependent for support), such student-athlete shall be ineligible for competition in any intercollegiate sport within the Conference for the remainder of his/her college career.”

And of course prior to the above announcement
(I apologize in advance for the Freudian slip)……
ESPN and the NCAA stated emphatically that Ohio State Buckeye Quarterback Terrell Pryor
and his tattoo loving teammates would be punished “next” year for offenses that occurred “this” past season.

It seems that no one wants to report that honesty; integrity and hard work in college football have been replaced with big money, bribes and back room deals. And to make matters even worse (if that’s possible) it seems too many of us don’t seem to care either as long as “we get ours”.
Does that sound familiar?

I am not so naïve as to believe that back room deals and big money haven’t always been a big part of college football. After all, I remember Coach Bryant and the University of Alabama getting screwed out of both the 1966 and 1977 National Championships.

But when the NCAA makes a statement defending their decisions by stating:
“The NCAA defended its recent rulings in violations cases involving Ohio State and Auburn, saying it does not play favorites or make decisions based on financial considerations.”

With an opening statement like that and ESPN, CBS and Fox Sports don’t jump on it with both feet?
No commentaries on the NCAA statement, nothing?
Instead we are treated with talking heads from the above networks playing to the “party line” and quickly moving on to another subject. And we are supposed to believe that garbage?
We don’t or can’t think for ourselves anymore? Is that where we are today?

“The floodgates are open
We’ve let the demons loose
The big guns have spoken
And we’ve fallen for the ruse”

“Disorder in the House” – Warren Zevon

“The NCAA doesn’t play favorites or make decisions based on financial considerations.”
R-E-A-L-L-Y?

So theoretically speaking…..
If Cam Newton and Terrell Pryor would have been suspended for the respective games we (the public) are too believe that viewership and sponsorship would have been the same as well as the final outcomes of the games? We aren’t that damn stupid are we?

And adding insult to injury….
It was insulting (or should have been to you) for the Sugar Bowl to name Terrell Pryor MVP of the game, when he shouldn’t have been allowed to suit up in the first place.

This was done in an effort to add legitimacy to an illegal and illegitimate act and make the public “believe”.

Then the NCAA stated…..
“Money is not a motivator or factor as to why one school would get a particular decision versus another.
Any insinuation that revenue from bowl games in particular would influence NCAA decisions is absurd, because schools and conferences receive that revenue, not the NCAA.”

Money isn’t a motivating factor? And we are expected to believe that one, really?
I got news for you; money is a damn motivating factor in “everything”.

And to prove my point…..
The NCAA gets a cut of every ticket, officially licensed merchandise, television revenue and lets don’t forget selling the “amateur” student –athlete’s image to video game companies for millions of dollars.

Therein lies the problem, underneath it all there is greed.

The good people at Auburn have stood by for years and let University Trustee Bobby “I have more money than God” Lowder run roughshod over school administrators and athletic directors alike in a quest to satisfy his obsession to best the University of Alabama and garner national attention for the Tiger athletic programs. Those few brave souls who have spoken up have been run out of Auburn on a rail by Bobby and his gaggle of idiots.

And there are those college football fans and alumni that don’t care what they have to do to win, as long as they win. They are the same ones that don’t want to believe what I am writing….

They are the same ones that point fingers at other programs….

They sound like so many others that have sold their collective souls to “win” at all costs.

They sound like some Southern California Trojan fans a couple of years ago….

They sound like some Tennessee Volunteer fans under the Fat Phil Era….

You can say it isn’t so War Eagle faithful, but in your hearts you know it’s true.

Paid players and thugs roamed the campus while never visiting a classroom, while off the field incidents and other crimes and misdemeanors never see the headlines or light of day.
Sound familiar?

So to paraphrase Warren Zevon
“Now that the flood gates have opened and we’ve let the demons loose and the big guns have spoken”….Have you all fallen for the ruse?

The reason I ask is this……
Immediately following the BCS Championship game………
Auburn Quarterback Cam Newton’s Father (The Right Reverend Ceil Newton) was seen hugging his son in a throng of fans in a touching moment of love between a devoted father and son.

So what’s the problem with that you may ask?
Here you go….

Auburn Athletics Director Jay Jacobs said that Cam Newton’s father (The Right Reverend Ceil Newton) did not go against a mutual agreement with the school by appearing after the BCS Championship Game.

“My understanding is he actually came in after the game was over for the celebration,” Jacobs said. “Now, I haven’t spoken to Mr. Newton. But based on what his attorney said, that’s my understanding. As far as I’m concerned, he didn’t go against anything we mutually agreed upon.”

EDITORS NOTE: The reason I raise the question of the validity of this statement is simply this: You cannot enter or reenter the stadium without “special” permission from either the Bowl, the respective universities, conferences or the NCAA. So who gave the Right Reverend Ceil Newton “special” permission to enter the stadium in the first place?

The “mutual agreement” the Auburn Athletic Director mentioned in the above statement was this: as punishment for Cecil Newton soliciting money from Mississippi State for his son to play there, the NCAA announced in December that Auburn had limited Cecil’s access around the program. Auburn has never publicly defined what the limited access means.

EDITORS NOTE: So Auburn can’t define what “limited access” means? And the NCAA doesn’t require Auburn to define it either? Interesting, wouldn’t you say?
Assuming by the picture “limited access” includes frequent visits and photo opportunities in the Tiger locker room.

Now on the day of the BCS Championship Game, Jacobs told The Associated Press that Cecil would not be in attendance. The decision was “mutually agreed upon,” Jacobs said then. “Out of the highest respect that Cecil has for Cameron, he won’t be here today.”

EDITORS NOTE: May we then assume that the Right Reverend Ceil Newton miracled his ass to Arizona from Georgia? Or did someone (Trustee Bobby or another “booster”) fly the Right Reverend Ceil Newton to Arizona?

So the world shared the touching moment as Cecil and Cam shared a hug in the stadium after the game. Cecil’s attorney later told USA Today that Cecil watched the game off-site and came to the stadium for the celebration, but couldn’t say how Cecil got in.

EDITORS NOTE: I vote for “miracled his ass” to Arizona from Georgia
(I bet the NCAA would buy that theory too)

“I would imagine, just like at our place, when the game is over the door is open and there you go,” Jacobs said Thursday. “I don’t have any idea.”
Jacobs said he is not surprised Cecil’s presence turned into a national discussion.
“Because if people thought he was at the game and we all had agreed that wouldn’t happen, it stands to reason it would blow up,” Jacobs said. “Anyway, best of luck to him.”
Jacobs declined to comment on the status of the NCAA investigation into Newton’s recruitment.

EDITORS NOTE: Wait, I thought the NCAA cleared Cammy Cam of any wrong doing?
So why won’t the Auburn athletic director just repeat the same worn out phrase that the “NCAA cleared Cam Newton and Auburn of any wrong doing”.

My friends it’s gets back to what I was saying…..
“Have you all fallen for the ruse?”

So on the eve of what was once a real Super Bowl between two professional football teams but has instead been biodegraded into the “Two hand Touch, don’t smack me in the face, argue every call and instant replay something to death while nobody has to wear knee or thigh pads because you can’t touch me there, Super Bowl”
I want to leave you with another line from Warren Zevon….

“It’s the home of the brave and the land of the free
Where the less you know the better off you’ll be”
“Disorder in the House” – Warren Zevon

So I ask you all…..
Do you all want to continue to bury your heads in the sand and pretend that “it’s all good as long as you get yours”? Or do you want to return integrity back to college football?

Then it’s time to succeed from the NCAA…..
It’s just that simple….

RTR
THE CFB WIZARD

Before we get into this Week’s Picks I believe Congratulations are in order….

After defeating the James Madison Dukes last Saturday the University of New Hampshire Wildcats can take their rightful place as the Number Three Ranked team in College Football!

This of course is based upon the BCS formula of the “three degrees of separation” as it relates to the Virginia Tech Hokies.

Meaning: On the merit of Boise State’s win over Virginia Tech, the Bronco’s moved to the Number Three Ranking, correct? The following week James Madison defeated Virginia Tech and they should have been elevated to at least a Number Three ranking as well, right?

That brings us to last Saturday…
The New Hampshire Wildcats defeated the James Madison Dukes, who defeated the Virginia Tech Hokies and thus are the Number Three Team in College Football!

Now that you understand the logic associated with the BCS….
You too are qualified to determine who will play in the BCS Championship game…

EDITORS NOTES: Based on the BCS formula….
I think New Hampshire has a real shot at the title game..Don’t you?

Enjoy Your Picks…

PRE-GAME WARM UP

You know it’s a tough week when Chuck Norris references can’t help you….
Last week Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator was a dismal 40 and 14 or 74%.
That drops me to 335 and 69 or 83% after seven weeks of college football.
But this is no time to dwell on post Saturday heartbreak….

EDITORS NOTE: South Carolina and Nebraska fans take note
It’s the Third Saturday in October….
And that means war….

DUMBASS OF THE WEEK AWARD

In a photo finish….
The Dumbass of the Week Award goes to none other than CBS sideline reporter Tracy Wolfson who said last week after Arkansas quarterback Ryan Mallett left the game with Auburn with an undisclosed injury….
“ I talk to the Arkansas trainers and I got me no information on it”

EDITORS NOTE: Before the season is over….
I hope Tracy gets “Hooked on Phonics”

Second runner-up for this week’s award goes to Tracy’s colleague in the CBS booth, Vern Lundquist who stated near halftime of the Arkansas – Auburn contest….
“Stay tuned to CBS for all of today’s gay highlights from around the country”

EDITORS NOTES: Who knew Vern was a Kenny Chesney fan?

FAN FAVORITE OF THE WEEK AWARD

This week the Auburn Tiger fans have selected as “The Fan Favorite of the Week”
Southeastern Conference referee Penn Wagers of Summerville South Carolina for providing the Tigers with two unassisted touchdowns in their victory over the Arkansas Razorbacks!
Although they didn’t need the additional touchdowns to win the game…
It is nice to know that Penn cared enough to give the Tigers the extra added bonus to ensure victory!
Congratulations to Penn and War Damn Eagle!

THE PICKS

Thursday October 20th

UCLA at Oregon
This game will be chocked full of Quackers and Bears..
Which coincidently is not unlike a box of animal crackers
QUACK ATTACK 43-17

Friday October 21st

South Florida at Cincinnati
The Boys from Chili Town are fresh off their victory for the Keg of Nails
And that is good enough for me….
BEARKATS 31-17

EDITORS NOTE: Also Cincinnati is the home of Skyline Chili which greatly influences my selection process when it comes to picking the BearKats, just so you know.

Saturday October 22nd

Syracuse at West Virginia
Otto the Orange will feel out of place in Morgantown…
Especially when they roast him on a couch…
LIGHT THOSE COUCHES!
MOUNTAINEERS 33-21

Moravian at Juniata
I wonder….
If Morons come from Moravian?
Not that it matters to Juanita
J-LO 28-10

Duke at Virginia Tech
Blue Devils fans finally have something to cheer about…
Basketball season is almost here..
HOKEY POKEY 43-17

Iowa State at Texas
My beloved Longhorns….
Have returned to their winning ways before my liver fell out and my spleen exploded.
Which is nice…
LONGHORNS 28-17

Michigan State at Northwestern
The Spartans are undefeated at this point in the season for the first time in 44 years…
That trend will continue in the Windy City on Saturday…
SPARTANS 38-14

Notre Dame at Navy
Even Golden garden Gnomes won’t help the Fighting Leprechauns this week..
Believe it…
MIDSHIPMEN 28-24

Penn State at Minnesota
The Not So very Golden Gophers have one problem…
Actually they have a lot of problems…
No offense, no defense and nonexistent special teams….
But let’s keep this simple shall we?
Jo Pa is coming to town….
The Governors’ Bell Trophy goes too…
JOE’S LIONS 33-10

Ole Miss at Arkansas
One question….
What the hell does a foam rubber bear have to do with the “Ole Miss Rebels”?
Is that a “rebel” bear? Does he just not get along with the other bears?
Does he do a keen James Dean impression?
That’s just stupid….
RAZORBACKS 38-24

Mars Hill at Carson Newman
You know illegal immigration is a problem…
When people from Mars have their own college..
SPARKS EAGLES 43-28

Indiana at Illinois
This Big Twelve, Eleven, I mean Ten Rivalry…
Is played each year for the “Bottom Feeder of the Conference Trophy”
In case you were wondering….
The Trophy is a stuffed Catfish….
FIGHTING PUMPKINS 31-17

Delaware at William and Mary
This game will have Bill and Mary chasing some hens around a field…
Throw in some fireworks and some liquor and you have a weekend at Hootie Snitch’s house..
BLUE HENS 38-24

Purdue at Ohio State
The Boilermakers will need a few after this one is over….
The Buckeyes have a mean on…
BUCKEYES 34-14

Rutgers at Pittsburgh
The Knights will leave the home of Iron City Beer with a Scarlett face…
Believe it…
PANTHERS 24-17

Maryland at Boston College
Honestly this game is a tossup….
Because both teams have more personalities than a schizophrenic
TURTLEMEN 24-21

Ohio at Miami (OH)
Coach Franks Cats of Bob are ready but the boys from Miami are red hot..
RED HAWKS 33-28

Wyoming at Brigham Young
I have a philosophical question….
If Wyoming and Washington State played against each other..
How many days would it be until someone scored?
COUGARS 38-10

Chattanooga at Furman
Choo-Choo and Chewbacca….
Sounds like a chewing tobacco company…
MIGHTY MOCS 28-24

Northern Arizona at Montana
Not even a bunch of lumberjacks can calm a grizzly bear…
I saw that once on the Animal Planet…
GRIZZZZZZZ 41-24

Kent State at Bowling Green
This battle of the Buckeye State is played for the “Jimmy Crack Corn Trophy”
Because if you aren’t the Buckeyes in Ohio, then nobody cares…
FALCONS 31-17

Rice at Central Florida
My Favorite Pudding doesn’t get breaded this weekend….
PUDDING POPS 28-24

Connecticut at Louisville
I still believe the Cardinals are Strong….
STRONGS CARDNIALS 31-28

North Alabama at Ouachita Baptist
Little known fact..
Like most denominations of the Baptist faith….
The Ouachita Baptist will not make love standing up…
For fear someone will see them and think they were dancing..
MIGHTY LIONS 34-14

Kansas State at Baylor
In case you were wondering..
The slogan…
“Let’s go Wacko in Waco”
Wasn’t cool anymore when the Branch Davidians moved into the neighborhood
WILDCATS 28-20

Millsaps at Centre
I didn’t know Ronnie Millsaps had his own college?
I wonder if Conway Twitty does too?
Never mind…
RONNIE’S BOYS 24-17

Wisconsin at Iowa
I told you about the Power of Cheese last week…
This week it’s all about Cheese Curls…
HAWKS EYES 31-24

LSU at Auburn
I am going out on a limb here….
But I believe the Tigers are going to win this game…
Call it a Prognosticators Hunch….
TIGERS 28-24

EDITORS NOTE: Hey Fightn’ Tigers…..

Georgia Tech at Clemson
I think it’s worth mentioning here….
I miss my adopted Clemson Tiger Family…
This one is for you all….
DABO’S TIGERS 28-23

Houston at Southern Methodist
I know my Ponies took it on the chin last weekend….

EDITORS NOTE: That was in no way intended as a slight on the Chinese people..
This country owes them far too much money for me to make them angry

MIGHTY MUSTANGS 33-28

Arizona State at California
I would watch this game…..
But there is a “special” on Sea Monkeys on the Discovery Channel.
You do know they are natures perfect animal, right?
DEVILS of the SUN 6-3

Massachusetts at New Hampshire
The Nations Number Three Wildcats takes on the Men of Minutes…
In a clash which is located ten miles from the arctic circle…
Just thought I would throw that in…
WILDCATS 24-17

Marshall at East Carolina
I won’t forget the Thundering Herd’s game with the Pirates on November 14th 1970…
And neither should you…
WE ARE MARSHALL 28-24

Hawaii at Utah State
I don’t know if I’ve mentioned it…
But Dog the Bounty Hunter can be seen on the A&E Network on Wednesday Evenings..
Check your local listings for times in your area…
WARRIORS Bounty Hunting on RAINBOWS 38-28

Washington State at Stanford
I don’t know if I mentioned it…..
But the Cougars couldn’t beat the West Orange Texas High School Mustangs…
And that’s a damn fact
CARDINAL 151-0

New Mexico State at Idaho
Have you seen the Idaho Vandal mascot?
He really does look a pedophile out on parole….
I half expect to see him with an ankle tracker…
PISTOL PETE 38-34

Eastern Michigan at Virginia
I don’t mean to be cavalier about my selection here….
CAVALIERS 31-21

Colorado State at Utah
“Two what? What was that word? Two What?”

Click here to view the embedded video.

UAB at Mississippi State
Coach Dan’s Bulldogs have already done some Urban renewal in the Swamp..
Now they are ready for homecoming in Starkville
DAN’S DAWGS 34-10

South Carolina at Vanderbilt
Coach Steve will have his Roosters ready to crow in the Music City
Believe it…
GAMECOCKS 38-17

Texas A&M at Kansas
I would watch this game but I am hosting a Sea Monkeys and Sea Monkey accessory party…
It’s like a Tupperware party except with Sea Monkeys and Sea Monkey accessories.
I did tell you they were natures perfect animal right?
GIG EM AGGIES 28-24

Alabama at Tennessee
It’s the Third Saturday in October….
This is Republicans and Democrats..
Its Cowboys and Indians…
Its oil and water
Except its worse…
CRIMSON TIDE 24-21

North Carolina at Miami
The Heels get Tarred in South Beach….
And “No” it has nothing to do with the BP Oil spill…
HURRICANES 24-21

Georgia at Kentucky
Here is a little lesson in life….
Dawgs tree cats, it’s what they do…
SIC EM DAWGS 34-24

Air Force at Texas Christian
The Mighty Falcons get grounded in Fort Worth…
And it won’t be due to bad weather…
HORNED FROGS 38-17

Washington at Arizona
Didn’t I mention earlier that Dogs tree cats?
I did?
Then this one is easy…
HUSKIES 31-24

Nebraska at Oklahoma State
The Prairie Wind is getting ready to touch the Cowboys in the naughty place…
CORNHUSKERS 28-24

Oklahoma at Missouri
UPSET SPECIAL!
MO Knows Upsets…
I know that because on every episode of the Three Stooges MO looks upset..
MO’S TIGERS 33-28

Texas Tech at Colorado
The Red Raiders saddle up to get back to their winning ways….
At least that’s the plan…
GET THOSE GUNS UP!
RED RAIDERS 28-24

Enjoy Your Games….

RTR

THE CFB WIZARD

Much like my University’s mascot…
I have the memory of an elephant and I hardly ever forget anything.
As you might imagine, it’s a curse and blessing.

That being said….
I remember the following quotes from some noted Sports publications and commentators
back in August of this year before the college football season began.

Sports Illustrated

“Pete Carroll and the Trojans are even better than they were a year ago…”

“The Mighty Men of Troy will once again breeze through the PAC 10 and be in the National title picture…”

“Pete Carroll is the best college football coach in the country, hands down”

Fox Sports

“The Southern California Trojans won’t miss a beat this year…..
and their defense will be even better than it has been the past several years, and that is scary…”

“Coach Pete Carroll has one of the top two college football teams in the Nation”

Lisa Horne of Fox Sports

“Like it or not, Pete Carroll and the Southern California Trojans will be in the National Title game this year….”

“Matt Barkley will lead the Trojans to the National Title game….”

“Matt Barkley “may be” the first freshman to win the Heisman trophy…”

College Football News

“The Trojans will win the PAC 10 title hands down and will be in the National Title game at the end of the season…”

“The Men of Troy’s defense is scary good and even better than it was a year ago…”

ESPN

“Nobody in the PAC 10 can touch USC; the only question is who they will face in the National title game”

“Pete Carroll has assembled his finest team since his arrival on the Trojan campus”

ESPN’s Mark May

“Pete Carroll has such a wealth of talent at every position, all he has to do is reload”

“The Southern California Trojans will face either Texas or Florida in the National Championship game….
but Pete Carroll’s Trojans will definitely be in the title game.”

“Once the Trojans defeat Ohio State, nothing will slow them down until the National Title game”

CBS Sports

“Like it or not folks, the National Title will have to go through Pete Carroll’s Trojans”

THE CFB WIZARD

Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator didn’t pick the Trojans to win anything….
not the conference title or be in the national title hunt.

And the emails flowed in with that prognostication didn’t they?

Some called me a “Trojan Hater”

Other emails from California and irate Trojan Fans called me far worse names.

Now after a school known more for their SAT scores than touchdowns…
Torched the Trojans for 55 points on “Homecoming” and Coach Pete and the Men of Troy are
“Where?” in the Pac 10 Conference standings, I have to ask all you detractors….

“How do you like me now?”

But look on the bright side U$C Trojan fans….
At least Coach Pete shook the Stanford’s Coach’s hand at the end of this game…
unlike the snub he gave him two years ago when the Cardinal Beat the Trojans at home.
So I guess, that counts for something…

THE HILLS ARE ALIVE WITH SOUNDS OF STUPIDITY

Life is funny sometimes.
Just when you think some things have changed, they remain the same.
Take the University of Tennessee for instance..
Just when you think they Volunteers have a Football Coach…
that will restore a tattered reputation away from “Thug University”
and bring discipline back to a program that couldn’t spell it during the Phil Fulmer era….
once again we find ourselves back where we started.

In the event you haven’t heard or read about the three Tennessee Football players recent arrest
let me give you the “Low Lights” of the three Orange clad prodigal sons of stupidity.

Three Tennessee football players, one a “star” recruit and wearing his “Tennessee football regalia”
attempted to rob at gun point using a pellet gun, people in a vehicle at a truck stop
in the very same town in which they live and play football.

As you might imagine, it doesn’t end there….

One player was released by the police..
after presumably rolling over on the other two
and the other two players posted their bond that was set at $19,500 dollars each.

Tennessee Athletic Director Mike Hamilton had this to say…..

“We are evaluating the circumstances surrounding the incident before we make a decision”

Tennessee Football Coach Lane Kiffin had this to say……

“We are gathering all information until we make a decision…”

EDITORS NOTE: I wrote the very lines you are about to read…
time and time again about the same lousy excuses provided by Fat Phil Fulmer
and the then alcoholic Athletic Director at the University of Tennessee for similar incidents and some far worse.

So for the benefit of Coach Lane Kiffin and Athletic Director Mike Hamilton, let me make this one simple for you, O.K?

Wait for it…..

Wait for it….

There are ALREADY is plenty of “information” available to make a “decision”, it’s all in the police report, you two dumbass’s.

I sure hope that helps.

But I have two questions for Coach Lane, Mike Hamilton and all the loyal Volunteer Fans out there.

Who paid their bail and who is paying for their attorney’s?

Because it damn sure isn’t them or their families and we all know that don’t we?

More later in the week..

So stay Tuned…

RTR
MEB

I am right here at my restaurant HOOT-R’s!
Located in a previously owned double wide trailer…
right off of Leadmine Road just outside of Baneberry Tennessee
Look for the lighted sign and come on in for the Biggest and Best
Tennessee Volunteer Victory party in the universe!

In case you is a living under a rock
This is the week of the Tennessee – Florida game.
And I am fixing to tell you Seven Big Old Reasons “Why”
The Tennessee Volunteers are going to whip them gators ass on Saturday.
Come on in and Let me break it down for you

ONE – The Volunteers orange color is more orange than them gators orange.
Their’s ain’t even real orange color best I can tell.
Now that we talking about it, what’s with them gators having blue with orange?
That don’t even match good.

TWO – Them gators got one, count it “One” mascot.
A damn old gator…..Big damn deal.
We Volunteers got a whole passel of mascots!
We got a student dressed up like a mountain man and he even has a rifle.
That is cool as hell!
We got us a real dog, that is some kind of blue tick hound
Which is awesome!
We got ourselves two students
That dress up like a female and a male dog in them foam rubber costumes.
Which is double-awesome!
Then we got us this ole boy in a foam rubber costume that looks like a orange!
“GO Big Orange!” Get it?

THREE – I don’t have a damn clue to what them gators fight song is about or what they doing with their arms a chomping.
But the Volunteers got us a “real” fight song!
It talks about laying around and drinking moonshine liquor and not paying no bills!
Now tell me that don’t sound like the life of Riley!

FOUR– Our quarterback is better than that damn old Tim Tebow.
Our Boy just ain’t won no awards cause he’s humble like that..
And wants the publicity on the team and not himself.

FIVE – Our Football Coach Lane Kiffin coached in the N-F-L, Ever heard of it?
In case you didn’t know that is PRO-FESSIONAL Football!
What has that Urban Myer done?
He Coached in some Pee-Wee league, big damn deal.
Also, I know for a damn fact
That Urban Myer wishes every single night he was coaching in Knoxville.
How do I know?
He come from Utah right?
When you send a picture postcard out that way what do you have to put down for the state? “UT”, I believe I done made my point.

SIX- We got us the best players in the damn country!
That’s why there ain’t nobody from Tennessee on the team!
Cause everybody from allover the country that is any good at football is coming to the Volunteeers!
What do them gators got? Some players from Florida, bigggggg deal.

SEVEN – Them gator fans ain’t sophisticated like we Vol fans is.
The closest them gator fans got to “culture” is when they walked by the yogart isle in Piggly Wiggly.
Thought that funny up by myself!

Now for Ole Hootie’s Predection:

VOLS 55
Gators 10

If you was a wondering why I didn’t pick the game as a shut out
It’s cause we got to play our scrubs sometime and them gators are lible to score on them once or twice

And don’t forget…
If you is in the neighborhood come on down to HOOT-R’s!
Enjoy the game with me and all the Volunterer Fans!
I got Possum Hot Wings and BBQ Muskrat Nuggets for everybody!
And as always something cold to wash it down with!
I will be dressed and ready? Will you?

GO VOLS!

Hootie – Out!