I bring you extremely disturbing breaking college football news from Atlanta….

Reader discretion is advised….

Atlanta Georgia…….

This Sunday morning following the Southeastern Conference Championship game…..
Atlanta police were called to a Motel 6 in downtown Atlanta after numerous reports of screaming, crying and loud music were coming from one of the rooms.

Once the police arrived…
They found CBS college football commentator Vern Lundquist banging on a motel room door wearing in what was reported as….

Ass-less leather chaps and a gimp mask, screaming for more “Cammy Cam Juice”

Once the police entered the motel room they found what was later described as…
“A peak into Dante’s Inferno”

It was further reported that fellow CBS college football commentator Gary Danielson
Was found handcuffed to one of the motel room beds with a ball gag in his mouth, wearing only a “I (Heart) Can Newton” t-shirt and War Eagle thong.
Once the police removed the restraints, Gary was said to have been babbling…

“Cam Newton is BETTER than Vince Young, Steve Young and the entire cast and crew of the Young and the Restless, I want to have his children!”

To make matters even more disturbing….
CBS College football sideline reporter Tracy Wolfson….
Was said to have been passed out on the toilet due to an overdose of “Cammy Cam juice”
holding a mislabeled Gatorade bottle wearing a “homemade” Auburn Cheerleaders uniform.

Although Auburn quarterback Cam Newton was reported by the Atlanta police, to have been in the motel room for the reported “Love Feast”…
The NCAA and Auburn trustee Bobby Lowder “ruled that Cam Newton wasn’t there” and “his eligibility isn’t in question”

No arrest were made and….
CBS Sports has no comment on the “supposed” Cam Newton Love Feast…
But paramedics who responded to the incident….
Did report that Vern Lundquist is said to be pregnant with Cam Newton’s first child.

RTR

THE CFB WIZARD

It has been decided this week that the Dukes of James Madison University….
Will move ahead of the Boise State Bronco’s into the number “3” ranking of college football.

Based upon the National Sports media logic; or lack thereof this is only fitting…..

Since James Madison didn’t have to come from behind to win like Boise State did….
James Madison held Virginia Tech to less points than the Broncos did a week earlier…
The Dukes of James Madison defeated Virginia Tech by a much larger margin than the Boise State Broncos…
Based on all that we have heard for the past week, this makes sense right?

And in case you were wondering…
The Jacksonville State Gamecocks will round out the Top 10…..

More on the way…

RTR
THE CFB WIZARD

No my friend you did not….

If you want to know what my problem is with the NCAA
then look no further than the question the gentleman proposed.

The national sports media refuses to discuss or mention the U$C investigation or Reggie Bush
because they are prostitutes to the NCAA and the rapidly declining American Dollar.
Well paid prostitutes, but prostitutes none the less.

I can hear the howls from the West Coast now….
“If there was anything to it (They will say…)
then the PAC 10 Conference and the NCAA would have discovered something by now.”

I got news for you…
Those damn fools couldn’t find an elephant if they were tied to its tail
and you want to know why, because “they” don’t want to find anything.
“They” want this to just all go away….

The “investigators” at the PAC 10 Conference and the NCAA make Hootie Snitch look like Melvin Purvis.

Beyond the above photographic evidence and Reggie Bush’s momma’s house paid for by Reggie’s then registered sports agent while he was still a student athlete for the Trojans, let me simply say this…

So O.J. Simpson and Snoop Dog and a host of other “former” athletes and convicted felons can “hang out” (according to Pete Carroll) in the Trojan locker room, football practice and on the sidelines of games, but Mr. Bryant of Oklahoma State can’t have any “interaction” with a former athlete like Deon Sanders?

The Los Angeles Times and other publications have reported
that sports agents have been a fixture in the Trojan locker room during the Pete Carroll era.
So that’s O.k.?

So where are we today with the NCAA?

The NCAA continues to fight Florida State University
on the release of their “investigation” into alleged academic fraud by some student athletes at the university.
I say “alleged” because the NCAA is afraid to have their “investigation” released to the public for their review and critique.

Yet the NCAA is silent on the “investigation” on Reggie Bush and the Southern California Trojans.

In Tuscaloosa….
The University of Alabama sent a strongly worded appeal to the NCAA which was met with even stronger verbiage form the NCAA Committee on Infractions that levied textbook sanctions against the Crimson Tide.
The COI called the University of Alabama “a serial repeat violator” with an “abysmal infractions track record” and a “extensive recent history of infraction cases unmatched by any other member institution in the NCAA,” in responding to the textbook appeal, according to documents released by the university on Tuesday.
The University of Alabama fired back to the COI statements by saying..
“At least 27 institutions have experienced the same number or more major infractions cases than the University of Alabama. Characterizing the University of Alabama as “abysmal” therefore maligns half of the PAC 10, half of the Big 12 and three schools in the ACC and four members of the Big 10.”

The COI argued that Alabama could have received harsher penalties.
This of course is the kind of response we have come to expect from the NCAA dictatorship, isn’t it?
To that the University replied, “If the COI has vacated all contests for all student athletes who received impermissible benefits, it would have found itself vacating contests based on benefits as small as 35 cents.”
Yet, we hear nothing from the NCAA on the “investigation” into Reggie Bush and the Southern California Trojans and when did that “investigation” supposedly begin 2006?

So what should be done about the NCAA?
It’s simple….
The members of this “institution” need to revolt
Revolt and hold the NCAA hostage for a change
The member institutions should “Demand……”
If the NCAA doesn’t change their tactics and become more consistent
in all they do they we will secede from this corrupt organization.
If this is too tough for beginners, then how about this for starters..
tell us about the status on the NCAA “investigation” into Reggie Bush and the Southern California Trojans.

You won’t punish them then you ain’t punishing us..
that’s how it should work.

I have had many people tell me…
that secession from the NCAA could never happen..
because colleges and universities are afraid they would be outcasts from the collegiate sports community.

What happened to this country?
We used to be brave and courageous people
There was a time when we didn’t tolerate dictators

Now we are afraid of our own shadows…

We would rather listen to a lie and subject ourselves to abuse rather than revolt and cast off a dictatorship.

My Friends it’s time to be bold, courageous and brave and Secede from the NCAA

“Nex Usquequaque ut Tyrannus”

RTR
MEB

We have a serious problem in this country…
No, not that one, the “other” serious one….

No not that serious one, the “other” serious one…

I know this is going to bruise some feelings but this has to be addressed….
I am speaking of sports commentator’s ritual of “Inventing” words that do not exist.

Now it seems like everybody is getting on board…
Let’s face it folks….
Just because you say a word or make-up a name doesn’t make it so.
Case in Point….
Chlamydia is a sexually transmitted disease not a Swahili word for “beautiful flower”.
Say it all you want, name whoever you want that, it doesn’t change what the word really means.

Along these lines I am convinced CBS College Football Today is required to use the word “Trick-a-ration” three times an hour or they won’t get paid.
Use it all you want, guess what? It isn’t a damn word.
Same goes for the word “Fumble-roo-ski”.
Why do we have to put a polish spin on it? I don’t get it…
How about using the word “Trick Play” instead?
That phrase we understand.
Just for the record, each time I hear somebody on CBS College Football Today uses “Trick-a-ration” which in case you were wondering is used three times an hour even if the situation doesn’t warrant it, it makes my head want to pop off.

There are other words too you know what I am talking about, right?

Like “Phys-i-cal-a-ty”….
Guess what? That isn’t a damn word jackass.
A Player can be “physical” or he can demonstrate “physical play” but he doesn’t have “Phys-i-cal-a-ty”.
This is just plain stupid, but the commentators say it anyway don’t they?

Maybe this ridiculous trend all started with “American Idol”
and the glue sniffing Paula Abdul using the made up word “Mus-i-cal-a-ty”.
Which in case you were wondering isn’t a damn word, but was used by Paula in the following context; As in “His Mus-i-cal-a-ty” was so amazing, like the mus-i-cal-aty, was at the heart, you know?”

EDITORS NOTE: For full effect of the above word, please slur your words and roll your eyes while utilizing it in a sentence. It still won’t mean any damn thing; it will simply give other people watching additional elements of the absurd to laugh at..

The word “Amazing” in the above paragraph leads me to something else
The Over use of words

Everybody knows somebody that performed Mike Myers Austin Power’s imitations until you would flee in terror no matter where you saw him, church, grocery store, didn’t matter. You were out’a there…

EDITORS NOTE: For those of you that wondered why people conveniently went the other way when they saw you, I have some untimely news for you.
You were “that guy” mentioned above.
Sorry

That is how I feel about over used words and the people that use them…
Sounds like the title of my next book…
Like that would be so amazing, like it was simply amazing that I even thought about it you know?
Amazing that so many idiots can only use one word to describe a single event from the launching of the space shuttle which is still “Amazing” to Jessica Simpson’s new “Amazing” shoes which are not so amazing.

But I digress let’s get back to College Football….
It is important to note that people can provide information and be helpful..
but they cannot however be “Infor-mation-al”. What the hell does that even mean?

And while we are on the topic..
For the love of God, please stop using the term “Swagger”…
As in …
“We got our swagger back….”
“They really have some swagger out there Jim…”
“Where is their Swagger today Bob?”

I would rather hear your annoying friend..
dust off his Austin Powers “O’ Behave…”imitation than hear this overused term again.

Just so we agree…
“Swagger” is a product from Old Spice..
Not a catchy term for “Confidence” and even though I wish the terms were interchangeable, they are not.

And lastly….
As if this logic wasn’t difficult enough to follow…
Sports Commentators and College Football in general use words that we all believe have a single meaning, but in reality means something entirely different..
Case in point…
Most of us know what “suspended indefinitely” or “kicked off the team” means.

But at the University of Oregon, those terms mean something entirely different…
Those words actually mean “Three weeks”…
Who Knew?

More Later in the Week…
So Stay Tuned..

RTR
MEB

I hope that you did not see the unspeakable tragedy that took place on Saturday.
For those of you with children that witnessed the horror
I can only pray the therapy bills will not be too expensive
and the little ones will overcome the scars of what their young impressionable eyes saw that day.

Who would have thought something so terrible would be witnessed on live television.

For those of you that are not familiar with the terrible turn of events that took place this past Saturday
I will briefly describe them for you, because they are too awful to have a visual image available on this forum.

The scene was the CBS pregame College Football Sports Studio in New York City
A young lady, Samantha Ryan was the “host” of the program, along with Brian Jones and former Tennessee Coach Phil Fulmer.

Until the toxicology report is released we won’t know for sure….
But it appeared from the outset of the program that Phil Fulmer was particularly agitated..
Some have speculated that this was caused from “coming down” off an extensive Krispy Kreme “high”.
Others have stated this was the result of long term bingeing on Bear Claws and other assorted goodies from said donut franchise.

None the less
What transpired was of such a heinous nature that I will have difficulty accurately portraying the events as they unfolded.

As the program progressed and the various games of the day discussed…
Eventually the topic turned to the CBS College Football Game of the Week.

The University of Arkansas at The University of Alabama

As Ms Ryan and Brian Jones discussed the game, Phil Fulmer became visibly aggravated and uncomfortable, particularly when the two discussed Coach Nick Saban and the success of the Crimson Tide.

In an attempt to get Coach Fulmer involved in the conversation about the Arkansas – Alabama game…..
The two tried to encourage Phil Fulmer to say something “nice” or “positive” about the University of Alabama.

At first Phil Fulmer appeared as a petulant child crossing his arms, sticking his lower lip out and shaking his head back and forth as if he were five years old and being asked to take his cough syrup.

While Phil was pouting and looking as if he was going to cry
Brian Jones looked across the studio and shrugged his shoulders at the director, as if to say, “I don’t know what’s going on”
Then all hell broke loose….

Phil Fulmer went into a rage that hasn’t been seen since the release of Jurassic Park

Before anyone on the set or in the studio could react, Phil Fulmer attacked Ms Ryan like a crazed Tyrannosaurus. At first chewing only her head, but then attempted to devour her entire anorexic model like body, all the while manically screaming….
“Get in my Belly!”

I can still hear the screams in my sleep…

Fortunately for Ms. Ryan an Animal Control Officer that just gotten off work was in the studio audience and through his quick actions was able to fire over a dozen tranquilizing darts into Phil Fulmer, thus saving Ms Ryan’s life and the reputation of CBS Sports.

I feel like the reporter that witnessed the crash of the Hindenburg….

I can still see Phil’s foaming mouth and protruding belly flopping around the CBS Sports Studio as he grasped for Ms Ryan’s ankles with his meaty claw like hands.

O’ The Humanity!

No word yet on the condition of Ms Ryan or Mr. Jones who was visibly distraught
or Coach Phil Fulmer who is currently being held at the Bronx Zoo undergoing further testing

Later this week
I will have news on Florida State’s quest to be the Fifth Best team in the State of Florida
and a recap of the weekend’s games.

And as always….
Your College Football Picks for Week 5

So stay tuned…

RTR
MEB