Ladies and Gentlemen -

As you may (or may not…)
know…….

Last week I was 33 and 13 or a “Not so Impressive” 72%…

Which Leaves me at 307 and 86 (78%) for the season…

AND…..

With an “Unofficial” 2009 Texas Governor’s Campaign.

I KNOW….
I picked those Horned Frogs from Texas Christian over BYU….

I picked the Houston Cougars to win the Conference USA Championship…

I said the Red Raiders of Texas Tech would be a force to be reckoned with….

And YES….

I picked the Mighty Texas Longhorns to not only defeat the Oklahoma Sooners….
But….
ALSO Picked them to beat MO’S Tigers….

But I CANNOT be a Candidate for Governor of the Lonestar State….

Despite the Fact….

My “Future” opponent Hates…
Puppies…
Santa Claus….
Willie Nelson…..
Earl Campbell
Roger Staubach…
AND….
Darrell Royal…

I even have on good authority that he hasn’t “Remembered the Alamo” in years….
and doesn’t own a pick-up truck…

You know something….

I bet he even pulled for the Mexican’s to kill John Wayne in the “Real” Alamo Movie…

“I AM Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator”……
And…
I approved this message…..

 Enjoy!

 

THE GAMES

Thursday October 23rd

Auburn at West Virginia
This one could go either way….
But it’s in Morgantown….
SOOoooooooooooo….
LIGHT THOSE COUCHES!
MOUNTAINEERS 24-23

New Mexico at Air Force
When I heard the “Low Blows” were playing Air Force…
I thought….
Didn’t they already play Navy?
FALCONS 34-31

Friday October 24th

Boise State at San Jose State
You know what “San Jose” means in Spanish?
I think it means….
“Joe has an infected mole..”
Which is disgusting…
BRONCOS 38-31

Your Saturday Picks and Prognostications will be out on Friday….

RTR
MEB

Ladies and Gentlemen -

I was 31 and 10 during “Lucky Week 7″ which means we are once again 76% for the week.

If you are keeping up with the season this far….
That leaves me at 271 and 73 for the season or a “not so impressive” 79%.

But have I mentioned that I was the ONLY College Football Prognosticator in the Country to Pick the Longhorns over the Sooners?
I did?
O.K……Never mind then..

EDITORS NOTE: The term “Lucky Week 7″ does not refer in any way to any of the following universities or college football teams:
Missouri
Tennessee
Illinois
Indiana
Auburn
Michigan (again)
East Carolina
Wisconsin
Northwestern
Washington
Washington State
Well…Anything “Washington”
Arizona
Arizona State
Actually…Anything “Arizona”
Notre Dame
Vanderbilt
Kentucky
LSU
Oklahoma
Or anything “Bowden”

Enjoy Your Picks!

 

THE GAMES

Thursday October 16th

Florida State at North Carolina State
I am not saying Bobby is “Old”….
But if you call Bobby and ask him if has “Sir Walter Raleigh” in a can….
He takes it “personally”….
And will tell you to “Stop Talking about his friend…”
SEMINOLES 31-27

Brigham Young at Texas Christian
NO Upset Special……
I just Believe in the Power of the Horned Frog….
HORNED FROGS 24-23

Delta State at North Alabama
As we discussed last week:
There is NO such thing as “Northern” Alabama or “North” Alabama….
Also, as a side note…
There is NO such thing as “Northern” or “North” Mississippi…

There is however a “North” Georgia…
That term refers to the location where we still have the yankees trapped…

Glad we got that cleared up…
LIONS 38-10

 

Friday October 17th

Hawaii at Boise State
Seriously……
Rainbow Head Coach Greg McMackin…
YOU “demoted” Coach Brian Kajiyama?
What kind of Jackass are you?

I am going to enjoy the Bronco’s beating you like a rented mule…

I have said it before and I will say it again…

YOU do not deserve to live in the same state as “Dog the Bounty Hunter”…
Those guys are cool….
BRONCOS 43-17

Your Saturday Games will be out tomorrow….

Enjoy!

RTR
MEB

Ladies and Gentlemen -

It’s that time of the year (Again)……

The names of the games alone are enough to make you break into goosebumps….

They are called many things….

The Red River Rivalry or The Red River Shoot-Out…

But the game between Oklahoma and Texas is above all else….

A Border WAR….

 

Then there is the tussle between the Hedges in Athens…
Between…

Tennessee and Georgia…..

Also…
This weekend…
The Black Shirts of Nebraska Invade Lubbock….

EDITORS NOTE: Have I mentioned that Lubbock is the home of Buddy Holly?

 

In “The Swamp”…..
The Defending National Champion LSU Fightn’ Tigers are in Gainesville to take on the Mighty Gators….

 

Jo Pa and his Lions of Penn State take on the “Power of Cheese” in the Wisconsin Badgers…

And who can forget….
Another weekend with the NCAA’s collective head (and ass) in the sand as they pretend we are all going to forget the investigation into Reggie Bush and the Southern California Trojans…

Don’t worry my friends…

I won’t let you forget…

There is a lot to cover, so let’s get to it!

 Enjoy Your Picks!

 

College Football NEWS and VIEWS

TENNESSEE: I have the answer to your Football problems!
The problem my semi-beloved Volunteer fans is rooted in the lack of players from Tennessee on the Tennessee Volunteer football team roster….

Do you know how many “Starters” From the state of Tennessee are on the Volunteer football team?

“5″…..
As in the number “After 4″ and the number “Before 6″….
In case you all forgot…
That is out of 22…(24 if you count the punter and kicker..)

Why is this important?

Does anyone in California or Washington D.C. or Oregon “really” care what the University of Tennessee does or doesn’t do on any particular weekend?
Do they even know where “Tennessee” is located?
Your players from those places don’t care either…
Because they didn’t grow up with “IT”…

If you don’t think this is important then I have a “little” Trivia question for all the Tennessee Volunteer Fans out there….

“When was the last starting Quarterback at the University of Tennessee…..
From the state of Tennessee….”

This may take a while…so I’ll wait.

EDITORS NOTE: The GOOD News for all the disgruntled Tennessee Volunteer fans out there, is that YOU have a “Tennessee” team to pull for in the state that has more than “5″ starters from the State of Tennessee on the Team…

They are called the Vanderbilt Commodores….

CONGRATULATIONS (again) VANDY!!!!!!!

TENNESSEE (PART II): As a side note from the Tennessee - Auburn game
Maybe the Fat Man should have gone to court before the Auburn game and faced the music like he was suppose too…

Ever think about that?

I have…
There is a name for it too….

It’s called Karma…

 

MISSOURI: SOooooooo Tiger Quarterback Chase Daniel said he was being spit on by the Husker defensive players last Saturday….
The time to complain about that kind of behavior “isn’t” on Sunday afternoon…dumbass.

 

WEST POINT: Congratulations on your first “Big” Win last weekend since Appomattox….

 

VANDERBILT: Your First 5 and 0 start since 1943….

The first time you beat Auburn since 1955…..

And Yes….

I predicted it…….

No Need to thank me…

 

CLEMSON: To My Beloved Tiger Friends and Family….
I feel and understand your pain and frustration…

Have no fear….
Change is coming…..

 

TELEVISION COMMERCIALS: Seriously….Geico.

KILL the DAMN caveman commercials….

It’s over….

Stop the madness….

I am serious….

 

WISCONSIN: So the Badger Marching Band was “suspended” because of hazing?

How bad can “hazing” really be with a marching band…

 

AUBURN: So do you all believe in the “Corso Curse” Yet?

You thought I was joking about that…didn’t you?

 

AUBURN (PART II): SOOOooooo Ole Ears Tubberville fired the Offensive Coordinator Tony Franklin this week after what? Five games?

There are two ways to look at this War Eagle Fans….

One…Talk about wanting your “instant” Grits?

or…

Two…
When Ole Ears feels the heat, it’s time for somebody to go under the bus…

 

ESPN: Last Saturday’s College Gameday with Kenny Chesney….
There is SOOOoooo many things wrong with THAT I don’t know where to begin…

We ALL know he was there to promote his “New” Album…

We also know he is trying to be the Jimmy Buffet of “His” generation….

However I think naming your album…
“The Butt Pirates of the Caribbean”
Well, that is just wrong….

 

NCAA: Seriously….The jokes over!
When are you going to let us all in on the “results” of the “Investigation” into Reggie Bush and the Univer$ity of $outhern California Trojan$?
If your “Investigators” need any help finding Reggie Bush’s Momma and Daddy’s house I will be happy to show them how to use “MapQuest”.

I am here for you…..

 

$OUTHERN CALIFORNIA: So last weekend Trojan Quarterback Mark Sanchez re-injured his knee during the game with Oregon…
The PAC 10 Officials threw a flag and penalized the Oregon Ducks a 100 yards for hurting a “Hyphenated- American” which resulted in the automatic loss of the game….

I think that is the first time I ever heard of that penalty?
What about you?

 

$OUTHERN CALIFORNIA TROJAN$ TESTIMONIALS

“The Southern California Trojans defeated the Klingons, saved the whales and made us the kick-ass World Super Power we are today!”

- William Shatner

 

“I really like that big white horse that this part of the Southern California Mascot….
With it’s long face…big teeth…and wide butt…
I would have sworn I was looking at my wife..”

- Miles Brand: President NCAA

 

 U$C TROJAN$: Seriously…..
Shouldn’t you all be on Probation by Now?

You know…
NO Television….
NO Bowl games…
Loss of 20 Scholarships…
Per year…
For five years…
Loss of your National Championship…
ALL of your wins for those years…voided.
Loss of the Heisman for Reggie Bush…

Sound about right?

 

EMAIL QUESTIONS and ANSWERS

Q: We saw what u-ins wrote about Peyton Manning last week!
You is innorant as hell!
Peyton is a Saint!!!!
Just like that Old Teresa’s Mother!
If wants to touch them Tennessee players before the game, well then By God we knows he got a good reason!
Maybe he’s a trying to heal them or something!
Cooter - Erwin, Tennessee
A: If you will try and justify those comments…..
Then I REALLY don’t want to know what you would do for a “Klondike Bar”….

It would be too embarrasing….

Q: Mike I am a Proud Georgia Tech Yellow Jacket Fan…
My neighbor told me because I don’t own a weed eater that means I am a Homosexual.
Is that true?
Chip - Atlanta, Georgia
A: Break out your Kenny Chesney CD’s Chip…
It’s true…

Q: Mike, you haven’t mentioned it in a while, but is your sister-in-law still dating that guy with the glass eye from the Carnival?
Sally - Benton, Arkansas
A: I can’t remember his name, so around my house we just refer to him as ”Mr. Peepers”….
But I have to tell you that they broke up. but promised to “Remain Friends”…
Which really means, we may see him “again” at Thanksgiving…
God Help me…

Q: Mike I have a question that I really hope you can help us out with..
We Texas A&M Aggies are having a tough year…
Some would say, a really tough year…
Is there anything that you can tell us that will give us hope and encouragement?
Roger - La Grange, Texas
A: I wish I could help you out Roger…
But when I saw “La Grange Texas” on your email…
The only thing I could think of was….

“Haw Haw Haw…..”

“Have mercy…..”

EDITORS NOTE: I am thankful that I finally got to have a ZZ Top reference…

Q: Mike, why would Peyton Manning “defend” Phil Fulmer they way he did a week ago on the Auburn sidelines?
Thanks!
Chris - Maryville, Tennessee
A: Chris…
I have on good authority it has to do with a “certain” picture involving a “former” Tennessee Quarterback….
A Hamster…
One Bottle of Wesson Oil…
And..
A “Certain” grossly overweight Tennessee Football Coach….

Playing a game of Semi-Nude “Twister” that went horribly wrong…

 

THE GAMES

Saturday October 11th

Texas and Oklahoma
The Texas State Fair….
Dallas, Texas
The Red River Shoot Out…..

The Cotton Bowl….

This game has all the atmosphere of a gunfight….

My Friends, it doesn’t get any bigger than this….

HOOK’EM HORNS 27-24

 

Iowa at Indiana
So we go from the “Red River Shoot-out”……
To the Homers and the Eyes of the Hawk…
This like going from watching the Sugar Bowl…
To watching re-runs of the 2002 Mid-American Regional Junior Chess Championships…

Kill me now….
HOMERS 24-21

EDITORS NOTE: If the folks from Indiana will go with renaming their team the “Gomers”; I can almost guarantee a “sponsorship” from Jim Nabors…
Just think about it…
That’s all I ask…

Toledo at Michigan
Must be “Homecoming” in Ann Arbor…
But Please don’t let Coach Rod’s wife be the “Homecoming Queen”….

You have one Ten Dollar Hooker for a Homecoming Queen and that’s all everyone talks about for ten years….
You don’t think so?
Ask the folks in OBKnoxville…..
WOLVERINES 34-17

East Carolina at Virginia
The Pirates right the ship this weekend…
(Thought that up myself…)
PIRATES 27-17

Syracuse at West Virginia
Victory in Morgantown smells like….
BURNING Couches!
Light Em UP!
MOUNTAINEERS 33-14

Minnesota at Illinois
Golden Gophers: The OTHER White Meat…
ZOOK’S FIGHTING PUMPKINS 34-17

Rutgers at Cincinnati
Have I mentioned that Cincinnati is the Chili Capitol of the Mid-West…
Well it is…
If you ever get a chance to try that “Goldstar” or “Skyline” Chili….
Lord…that is something special

Also as a medical side note: IF you are suffering from constipation, you will be “cured” within 12 hours of eating any of the above mentioned chili…

Forget I mentioned it….
BEARKATS 28-23

Colorado at Kansas
I must confess….
These Hawks of Jay fought like the Devil last weekend and….
NEVER gave up….
I like that…
JAY’S HAWKS 38-27

South Carolina at Kentucky
After the Wildcats scared the crap out of me last weekend…
This one is easy…
WILDCATS 24-21

Utah at Wyoming
I love those folks from Cowboy Country…
But Cousin Vinnie says this game is about the….
TWO UTES 28-17

Kansas State at Texas A&M
I have no reason to believe this will actually happen..
Just so you all know…
GIG EM AGGIES 28-24

Vanderbilt at Mississippi State
Common Wisdom would favor the Bulldogs…
But there is something special about these Commodores…
COMMODORES 24-14

EDITORS NOTE: Sorry Jim…I hope I am wrong.

Ursinus at Franklin Marshall
As in “Your Sinus”?
I guess it’s better than “UR-Anus”…
Never mind…

Nebraska at Texas Tech
Did I mention that Lubbock is the Home of the Great Buddy Holly?
I thought so…
“All my life I’ve been a waiting…
Tonight they will no hesitating….”

SO Get THOSE GUNS UP!
RED RAIDERS 43-17

EDITORS NOTE: I have been waiting for the right time to spring a Buddy Holly reference on you…

Arizona State at USC
The Sun Devils couldn’t beat a damn egg….
TROJAN$ 136-0

Tennessee at Georgia
Between the Hedges…
UGA VII is Hunkered Down….
RUN YOU SILVER BRITCHES!
HOW BOUT THEM DAWGS? 27-17

EDITORS NOTE: Many of you may think…
“He just picked Georgia because he Hates Tennessee…”
That is only half the story…
I do dearly Love those Dawgs…

Purdue at Ohio State
It is written….
“And a freshman shall lead them….”

- Book Of Hayes

It’s in the Bible….Enough said.
BUCKEYES 33-17

Notre Dame at North Carolina
I wish I cared…
But I don’t…
TAR HEELS 31-24

Greenville at LaGrange College
“Haw Haw…Haw…”
Sorry, I still can’t get over my earlier ZZ Top reference….

Michigan State at Northwestern
I know…
I Know…
The Wildcats have their BEST Record since 1962….
Bla..Bla…Bla..
But that Ringer Kid is a Stud…
CALL THE SPARTANS 24-21

Texas Christian at Colorado State
Did somebody say TCU is the Home of Bob Lilly?
I did…
HORNED FROGS 28-24

Garner Webb at Georgia Tech
“Garner Webb” sounds like a Law Firm…
I hope they know “accident” and “Workers Comp” Law…
YELLOW JACKETS 44-0

Carson Newman at Catawba
You really can’t pronounce “Catawba” correctly unless you spit on yourself…
Which is disgusting…
SPARKS EAGLES 31-21

Central Florida at Miami (FL)
Must be “Homecoming” in Coral Gables…
Don’t disappoint me two weeks in a row Canes…
Please?
HURRICANES 38-14

New Mexico State at Nevada
The Wolfpack are a really good football team this year….
BUT the Aggies (with threats to the Administration to bring back “Pistol Pete” by yours truly…)

Are something special…..
I am a believer…
AGGIES 43-38

Arkansas at Auburn
If the Tigers lose again I wonder who Ears will toss under the bus?
No need to worry….
It ain’t happening….
WAR EAGLES 24-17

Juniata at Muhlenberg
Sounds like the story of some Mexican gal riding a mule doesn’t it?
Never mind….

Arizona at Stanford
Gosh, this would really be a “Great” PAC 10 matchup to watch….
But the Hamster Olympics are on ESPN 3 at the same time…..
CARDINAL 6-3

New Mexico at Brigham Young
The Low Blows take a shot in the Jimmy…..
COUGARS 38-17

EDITORS NOTE: Yes, I am that easily amused….

Washington State at Oregon State
Unless you are Sigfried and Roy….
Or Kenny Chesney…..
YOU believe in the Power of the Beaver…
BEAVERS 34-14

EDITORS NOTE: O.K. What did I say this time?
I was just talking about the Beaver…
So let it go….

Ball State at Western Kentucky
You may wonder: Will Ball State continue on their Cinderella Season?
Yes, for another week anyway…
CARDINALS 27-17

Iowa State at Baylor
I was trying to come up with a “Bears and Cyclones O’ My” Wizard of Oz reference…
But it just sounded creepy…
Sorry…
BEARS 27-24

Oklahoma State at Missouri
The Cowboys in the rear view mirror are a-lot closer than they appear…
MO’S TIGERS 33-28

LSU at Florida
I believe the Fightn’ Tigers have the better overall team…
But this game is in the Swamp..
And the Gators have Tim Tebow….
MIGHTY GATORS 24-21

Penn State at Wisconsin
The Badgers believe in the “Power of Cheese”…
Well Jo Pa “Cuts” the Cheese whenever he wants….
So there…
JO PA’S LIONS 31-17

Boise State at Southern Miss
After last week’s disappointment…..
(Which (by the way) would NOT have happened if you would have kept Coach Bowers..)
BRONCOS 34-17

Tulsa at Southern Methodist
I only have three words to say about this game…
“My Poor Ponies…”
GOLDEN HURRICANES 43-24

Tulane at UTEP
You say “Potato”, I say…
MINERS 31-14

EDITORS NOTE: I know….
It didn’t make alot of sense to me either (At First)
But after you think about it for a minute..
You will laugh your butt off…

Air Force at San Diego State
This game reminds me of one of my “favorite” selections in the New American Modern Revisionist History Book….
“The American Air Force Bombs the peaceful Ancient Aztecs; thus the term, “Stone age”
This selection can be found before the chapter on “When the U.S. Marines attacked the North Pole and Killed Santa Claus…”
We Americans are so naughty….
FALCONS 28-17

UCLA at Oregon
This game is like trying to pick the winner in a turtle race…
QUACKERS 3-2

Sunday October 12th

Louisiana Tech at Hawaii
This is the Very BEST Game on Sunday Night at Midnight Eastern Standard Time…

But if given the choice…
I would rather watch “Dog the Bounty Hunter”…
That theme music is really catchy…

RAINBOW BRIGHT 34-31

Enjoy Your Games!

RTR
MEB

Ladies and Gentlemen -

I don’t know about you….
But I am still higher than a Georgia Pine over the Oregon State Beavers win last night!

I half expected to wake up this morning and read about mass suicides within the College Football National Media over the U$C Trojan loss…

You can’t blame a guy for dreaming, can you?

Before we launch into Saturday’s Games let’s talk about last week.

Last Week Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator was an uncharacteristic 30 and 14 or a rather disappointing 68%….

I will however say the Boise State Bronco fans don’t really care; because I nailed their win over the Oregon Quacks…

Before I give our overall numbers for the season I think it’s about time I say…..

HOW ABOUT THE OREGON STATE BEAVERS BEATING THAT TROJAN ASS!

Currently we are 172 and 36 or 83% for the year….

Which isn’t too bad considering….

OREGON STATE BEAVERS BEAT THE BEST TEAM MONEY CAN BUY!

This will not get old for me…any time soon.

Enjoy your Picks!

 

CLASS ACT OF THE WEEK

MICHIGAN STATE SPARTANS: Senior Running Back Javon Ringer after rushing for 282 yards and scoring both touchdowns in the Spartans 17 to 0 win over Florida Atlantic told the post game media…

“I don’t know why you all are talking to me…Behind me is my offensive line. They did all the work and without them, I wouldn’t have gotten anything…”

Javon Ringer then proceded to introduce his offensive line one by one and then he politely excuse himself so the media and the offensive line could talk….

EDITORS NOTE: This young man is nothing BUT CLASS….Period.

 

QUOTE OF THE WEEK

“Nobody in the PAC 10 can compete with U$C…..”

- Kirt Herbstreit - ESPN College Football Gameday

EDITORS NOTE: Isn’t Oregon State in the PAC 10?
Just wondering…..

 

QUOTE OF THE WEEK (PART II)

“We are only a quarter of the way through our season…so we have alot more football to play”

- Southern California Trojan Quarterback Mark Sanchez response to being asked by Kirt Herbstreit on how the Trojans are prepared to remain “The Number One Team in the Country”…

EDITORS NOTE: Let me see if I have this right…

When asked that question the Trojan$ had only played TWO..as in 2 games.

So a “Quarter” of the Games would be what?

So, either the Trojan$ only play EIGHT games or it is REALLY REALLY easy to get a Math and Accounting Degree from Southern California…

Dumbass…..

 

QUOTE OF THE WEEK (PART III)

“Me and my teammates, like we ain’t no quitters…
We bring it all day long…All day….you know…
Like you wait and see.”

- Tennessee Volunteer Defensive Back Eric Berry on being prepared for the Florida Gators…

BEFORE they were soundly thrashed 30 to 6 by the Mighty Florida Gators…

EDITORS NOTE: I wonder if Mr. Berry is an English major?

 

QUOTE OF THE WEEK (PART IV)

“We don’t have any leadership on this team…”

- Coach Phil Fulmer on the 2008 Tennessee Volunteer Football team

EDITORS NOTE: Can we assume that starts from the top?

 

THE GAMES

Saturday September 27th

Minnesota at Ohio State
This week an O’So Gloden Gopher means….
A Gopher that has been fried to a crispy golden brown…
MIGHTY BUCKEYES 28-14

Maryland at Clemson
This game will be real close for two quarters….
Then it will be nothing but…
TOMMY’S TIGERS 31-17

Carson Newman at Newberry
If this game was against Mayberry I would feel different…
Because I could never go against Andy and Barney…
SPARK’S EAGLES 38-10

Michigan State at Indiana
Down go the Homers…..
Or Homer Down! (If you prefer)
Never mind….
SPARTANS 33-13

Virginia at Duke
Why? My Point exactly….
I can’t believe I did this either…
BLUE DEVILS 23-17

Pittsburg at Syracuse
This is the “Who Sucks Worse” Game …
It’s a toss up…
PANTHERS 13-10

Kent State at Ball State
Ahhhhhh……
All is right with the World when Kent State loses at ANYTHING….
CARDINALS 43-10

North Carolina at Miami
The Heels will keep it close….
But we are still in Hurricane Season….
HURRICANES 33-24

Northwestern at Iowa
What is with the “Eyes of the Hawk”?
(Which by the way sounds like a Sylvester Stallone Movie)

EYES of the HAWK 23-17
Coming to a theater near you…

Ole Miss at Florida
The Good news is that Morgan Freeman is recovering well from his automobile accident…
He is THE voice of the University of Mississippi…
Other than that Ole Miss is going to get their ass kicked…
MIGHTY GATORS 34-14

Army at Texas A&M
The Aggies finally found a team they can beat…
Congratulations…
GIG EM AGGIES 43-13

Rhode Island at Boston College
I cannot in good conscience pull for a team or a state that is living a lie…
Rhode Island is NOT an Island…
Liars…
EAGLES 38-10

Arkansas at Texas
An Old Fashioned Southwest Conference Fight….
President Nixon said the 1969 game between these two team was the game of the century..
This one will not be as powerful…
But it will be one hell of a game…
LONGHORNS 34-17

Wisconsin at Michigan
If you are a Wolverine Fan I would send the kids to Grandma’s house for the weekend…
This is going to be uglier than Coach Rod’s wife without any make-up…
BADGERS 31-17

EDITORS NOTE: Yes…It will be THAT ugly.

Tennessee at Auburn
Can you play that song for me?
You know the one…
Rocky Flop…
WAR DAMN EAGLE 27-14

Houston at East Carolina
The Cougars will keep this a lot closer that you might think…
PIRATES 27-24

Fresno State at UCLA
I wish I could watch this “instant classic” but, VH1 has a progam devoted to Singing Mexican Midgets in Sombreros…
You see my dilemmia..right?
BRUINS 6-3

Colorado at Florida State
Before you ask…
No my Sister-in-law will not be leading the Colorado Team onto the Field…
She gets car sick on long trips…
Trust me on this one…
BUFFALOS 33-28

Purdue at Notre Dame
Even after last weeks loss….
I still believe…for now
FIGHTING IRISH 31-28

Morgan State at Rutgers
I don’t even know who this Morgan guy is…
Forget about it….
SCARLETT KNIGHTS 44-10

Marshall at West Virginia
I REALLY want to pick the Thundering Herd in this one…
But I have to go with History…
Light those Couches…But not too much.
MOUNTAINEERS 24-21 

Cincinnati at Akron
Seriously….what the hell is a “Zip”?
You named your team after a “Zipper”?
What was your other choice?
“The Urinal Cakes”?
BEARKATS 28-17

Louisiana Lafayette at Kansas State
No disrespect to anything Rajun or Cajun…
This one is all…
WILDCATS 27-17

Navy at Wake Forest
Nothing says “Demon Deacon” quite like a Jimmy Swaggart “Praise-a-Thon”…..
Not that it really fits here…
I just thought it was funny…
DEMON DEACONS 28-17

North Texas at Rice
Between a Kitchen Cleanser and my favorite pudding?
No contest…
RICE PUDDING 31-28

Colorado State at California
This one will be a lot closer….
as in A LOT Closer than you might think….
DA BEARS 24-20

Oregon at Washington State
This is a GREAT time to remind EVERYBODY….
THE OREGON STATE BEAVERS BEAT the Univer$ity of the $econd Coming!
ANIMAL QUACKERS 43-10 

Texas Christian at Oklahoma
The Horned Frogs will keep this close for a half….
Then it will be time to crank up the Boomer Sooner…
BOOMER SOONER 34-17

Western Kentucky at Kentucky
You know….
I still miss Bill Keightley…. 
This one is for “Mr. Wildcat”…
WILDCATS 28-14

Central Arkansas at Tulsa
Even though I still think that Hurricane Ike was a jackass…
I have to go with…
GOLDEN HURRICANES 43-10

UAB at South Carolina
Why are the “United Arab Badminton-ers” playing the Gamecocks?

There is so much wrong with this I don’t know where to begin….
GAMECOCKS 24-10

Troy at Oklahoma State
You better keep your eye on Troy in this one…
COWBOYS 27-17 

Mississippi State at LSU
I wish I had better news for you Bulldog Jim…
FIGHTN TIGERS 38-10

South Florida at North Carolina State
You better believe it….
This is No Bull…
BULLS 27-23

Alabama at Georgia
This is THE Game of the Day….

My Dawg Faithful know that I love them…

I miss ole UGA…
and appreciate the new dawg…

I have never met a bad Georgia Bulldog fan…
Ever..

Sorry Lewis…

CRIMSON TIDE 24-21

Illinois at Penn State
I asked Jo Pa once what he thought about Jim Thorpe…

Coach said “he was the best football player he ever saw…”

Enough said…
JO PA’S LIONS 31-24

EDITORS NOTE: You may not think the above comment fits…
But it does…
 

Weber State at Utah
I cannot believe the Grill Factory has a college….
Can You?
TWO UTES 44-10

Virginia Tech at Nebraska
Before you ask…
No, I didn’t studder….
HUSKERS 24-20

New Mexico at New Mexico State
The winner of this instate battle gets a really cool Cactus…
Which is nice… 
AGGIES 27-24

Stanford at Washington
I never thought I would see the day I picked the “tree” over the Mighty Huskies…
“CARDINAL” (Singular) 24-23

Nevada at UNLV
Will the Running Rebels remain undefeated?
Yes….they will
REBELS 33-31

Sunday, September 28th

San Jose Somebody at Hawaii
Who cares…
Dog the Bounty Hunter is back on A&E on Wednesday Nights!
WARRIORS Dancing with the Stars on RAINBOWS 38-17

Enjoy your Games!

RTR
MEB

Ladies and Gentlemen -

As promised we return for the Saturday College Football Games…..

Due to limited time this week for “The Picks” I will present the “Southern California Trojan” version of the College Football Picks next week…

However, just for you (My Beloved Fans) I will provide a sample of what is to come in that segment with a “Southern California Trojan” Testimonial…
It should be more than enough to get your funny bone going for the weekend…

Enjoy Your Picks!

 

College Football News and Views

HURRICANE IKE: Now I know how Tina felt….
I am glad your ass is gone….

ARCHIE MANNING: Is it just me, or is Archie starting to look more like Woody Allen each day?

FLORIDA STATE: Even at Bobby’s advanced age he is out on the recruiting trail…
You don’t think so?
Tune in next week, I have a picture to prove it!

ESPN: The only thing you have for us at Halftime on Thursday Night College Football is “Dr. Lou”?

Really? That’s all you all came up with?

Lou spitting and gobbling for 15 minutes?

HOW about SHOWING us the Damn MARCHING BANDS?

TENNESSEE: This past week Phat Phil and his “personal” Attorney Jeff Hagood filed a motion to prevent Coach Phil Fulmer from having to provide a depostion in a lawsuit involving a former Alabama Booster.

This isn’t the “Same” Coach Phil Fulmer that stated in an article this past summer (printed in the Knoxville News-Sentinel) that self-proclaimed he was a “man of Principle and Integrity”…

This couldn’t be the “Same” Coach Fulmer that stated on a radio sports talk show “I didn’t have anything to do with the investigation into  Alabama…”
Then Proceded to conduct his own investigation with “Thunder Lips” Thornton and became the NCAA “Secret Witness”?

EDITORS NOTE: The wheels of justice move slowly….but they finally caught his fat ass.

AUBURN: This past week the President of Auburn University had to issue a statement to the student, fans and alumni….
“Be good sports…Don’t Boo your team or the opposing team…Your behavior reflects poorly on the Auburn Family…”

EDITORS NOTE: I NEVER thought I would see the day when the Auburn Fans acted like Tennessee Fans….You should all be ashamed of yourselves….

SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA: Seriously, shouldn’t you all be on probation by now?
Just wondering……

MICHIGAN: I know it hurts losing to a crappy Notre Dame Team….
But Look on the bright side….
Coach Rod’s wife STILL looks like a ten Dollar Hooker….

NCAA: SOoooooo just exactly are you with the “BIG” Investigation into Reggie Bush and the Mighty Southern California Trojans..?

STILL Wondering…..

 

EMAIL Questions and Answers

Q: Mike, how do they seperate the “Boys” from the “Men” at The University of Southern California?
Mel - Seattle, Washington
A: With a Crowbar….

Q: Hey Man! I am a Roadie for a Poison cover band called “Poison: Overdose” and I have a question for you! If Bret Michaels was a college football team who would it be and why?
Thanks Dude, you rock!
“Beef” - Kansas City, Missouri
A: I would have to say Georgia Tech…Because they are after all..
 ”The Rambling Wreck”…Rock on Dude..

Q: If you could have one wish, would it be for “World Peace” or “Ending World Hunger”?
Flower - Coronado, California
A: Neither….
It would involve a Deaf Mute “Super Model” that owned her own chain of liquor stores…

Q: Mike, our neighbors are Tennessee fans…
They are normal 8 months out of the year…
You can talk with them about almost anything..
Until football season starts!

Then they act stupid! Can you help us please?

Mindy - Biloxi, Mississippi
A: Mindy…these are people that believe “Professional Wrestling” is Real and the Moon landing is a fake….Go figure.

 

SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA TROJAN “Testimonials”

EDITORS NOTE: These are “real” testimonials to the Greatness of all that is the University of Southern California Trojans Football…..
Enjoy….

“Mark Sanchez saved me a ton of money on my car insurance!”

- Dr. Mike Rotchburns

“The Southern California Trojans Cured my Polio!”

Franklin Delano Roosevelt

“Since I placed my hands under the University of Southern California Trojan center last week; I no longer want to molest little boys…Thank you USC Trojans!”

- Michael Jackson

“It is a scientific fact: Hurricanes DO NOT hit the west coast out of fear for the Southern California Trojans!”

- Jim Cantore “The Weather Channel”

“What was I thinking? Scientology is for wusseys! I believe in the power of the Trojans!”

- Tom Cruise

 

THE GAMES

Saturday September 20th

EDITORS NOTE: I have been accused in the past of being “insensitive” and “uncultured”….
I hope to correct this unfair description of myself this week….
By Picking Your College Football Games through the “magic” of Interpretive Dance…

Enjoy!

 

Troy at Ohio State
I am doing the “River Dance” right now and thinking….
THE MIGHTY BUCKEYES 34-10

EDITORS NOTE: Get it..”Stomping”?
I think I pulled something…

East Carolina at North Carolina State
If I was the Coach for the Wolfpack I would be doing the “Running Man”….
PIRATES 23-17

Temple at Penn State
I am a little afraid to discuss dancing here: I don’t want Jo Pa to break a hip…
JO PA’S LIONS 44-13

Mississippi State at Georgia Tech
Somebody call the Bee Gees!
The Bulldogs….are Staying Alive…
BULLDOGS 23-20

EDITORS NOTE: I can’t believe I had to resort to a Disco reference already…
I might have really pulled something……my leg is on fire.

Ohio at Northwestern
Seriously…My leg is burning like hell itself.
WILDCATS 27-14

Florida Atlantic at Minnesota
Just thinking about Gophers Dancing…
Makes me laugh…
O SOooo GOLDEN GOPHERS 33-17

Iowa at Pittsburg
Honestly? I am still laughing about the Dancing Gophers….
Yes..I am that easily amused.
EYES of the HAWK 27-14

Central Michigan at Purdue
Seriously…
I have to stop laughing over the dancing Gophers…
I almost made myself throw-up…..
BOILERMAKERS 28-24

Alabama at Arkansas
This ain’t no Party….
This ain’t no Disco…
This ain’t no fooling around…
CRIMSON TIDE 33-24

Central Florida at Boston College
If yankees dance or enjoy themselves in any way…
I am blissfully unaware…
EAGLES 27-14

Eastern Michigan at Maryland
“See the above Pick for discription”
FIGHTN TURTLES 24-20

South Carolina State at Clemson
In case you didn’t know…
South Carolina is known for the “Shag”…
There isn’t anything I don’t like about that…
TOMMY’S TIGERS 38-10

Miami (FL) at Texas A&M
I cannot believe I am doing the Texas Two Step on this one…
HURRICANES 23-17

Buffalo at Missouri
Is there a dance called the “Buffalo Beat-Down’?
Well…….There should be
MO’S TIGERS 49-10

Wyoming at Brigham Young
I don’t think Mormons are allowed to dance…
Are they?
Never Mind….I just remembered “Donny and Marie”…
COUGARS 33-14

 
Arizona at UCLA
This is going to be really…really…
UGLY….
BRUINS 17-14

Florida at Tennessee
Speaking of “Ugly”….
Do you know the Number One Pick Up Line in OBKnoxville on Saturday Night?
“Hey….Nice Tooth”
MIGHTY GATORS 34-17

Boise State at Oregon
Call me crazy….
My psychiatrists did….
BRONCOS 31-28

Houston at Colorado State
In case you were wondering…
I can no longer “Dance Out” this weeks picks…
Pulled something in my leg..
After all, who do you think I am …
Deney Terrio?
COUGARS 34-31

Notre Dame at Michigan State
Damn you Adrian Zmed and your high power dancing….
FIGHTING IRISH 28-24

Virginia Tech at North Carolina
When I was in school I was really good at the “Hokey-Pokey”…
I didn’t even know It was a dance until I was caught by the principal….
Forget I mentioned it…
TAR HEELS 23-17

Rutgers at Navy
Sailors dancing in those white Cracker Jack Uniforms reminds me of that one guy in “The Villiage People”
SCARLETT KNIGHTS 24-17

Marshall at Southern Miss
This game may decide the Conference USA Champion….
It will be close….
REAL close…
GOLDEN EAGLE 23-21

Utah at Air Force
Normally I wouldn’t pick against the Mighty Falcons…
But these Utes are something else…
TWO UTES 31-28

South Florida at Florida International
Why do these people from Florida think they are all “International”?
What makes them so “International”?
Do they eat with their feet?
BULLS 27-14

Rice at Texas
I believe the words in the song…..
“The Eyes of Texas Are Upon You”
MIGHTY LONGHORNS 34-14

Menlo at Occidental
I am not quite sure why this is in here….
It sounds like a disease and a Health Insurance Company…

Massachusetts at Texas Tech
This will be SOOoooooo close…
NOT…
RED RAIDERS GET THOSE GUNS UP! 38-17

Sam Houston State at Kansas
I always admired Sam Houston…
But he is outgunned in this one…
JAY’S HAWKS 43-10

Wake Forest at Florida State
The Demon Deacons will keep this one closer than you think….
But on the up side…
Coach Bobby is telling everyone he has tickets to the “next” Elvis Concert…
SEMINOLES 28-17

Ball State at Indiana
I have a meeting of the International Sea Monkey Society…
Or I would soooo be watching this one…
HOMERS 31-28

Muskingum College at Otterbein College
This sounds like a game between two lung infections…

Vanderbilt at Ole Miss
Will the Commodores be 4 and 0 after this week?
Yes….I believe they will be.
COMMODORES 27-23

New Mexico at Tulsa
I wish I cared…But I am tired from the “magic” of Interpretive Dance…
Plus my ankle hurts…
GOLDEN HURRICANES 33-28

Wofford at South Carolina
I believe if Chewbacca had a College…
It would be Wofford…
OR if Chewbacca had a pesky cough..
It would be Wofford…
I have to stop…
GAMECOCKS 38-10

LSU at Auburn
I could easly pick the winner of this game as the “Tigers”
But that isn’t why you read my column…
FIGHTN’ TIGERS 17-15

Georgia at Arizona State
It’s about time people out west learn that all important phrase…
HOW BOUT THEM DAWGS!
DAWGS 24-17

Texas Christian at Southern Methodist
The Mighty Mustangs will keep this closer than you might think..
For a while….
HORNED FROGS 24-14

Fresno State at Toledo
I have the International Sea Monkey Society Meeting “After Party” or I would watch this one….
I promise…
BULLDOGS 34-17

Juniata at Ursinus
I tried to say these two teams “out loud” really fast and I spit all over myself….

San Jose State at Stanford
My Lord….I can’t believe I am doing this….
CARDINAL 6-3

Iowa State at UNLV
As a Side Note: Always “Warm up” before you start dancing and typing…
CYCLONES 23-21

New Mexico State at UTEP
If the knuckleheads in Aggieland Bring back “Pistol Pete” I will not publish naked pictures of “key” members of the administration with farm animals…

That is my promise to you….
AGGIES 24-20

 
Enjoy Your Games!

RTR
MEB