Before we come to the end of the 2011 College Football Season next week, we have some Bedlam in Oklahoma and a Farmageddon (No, I didn’t make that up)…
And we have a few Conference Championships to discuss.

But who am I kidding?

All eyes are on the Southeastern Conference (again)

Will the Mighty LSU Tigers and the Alabama Crimson Tide play for it all?

Or will the Georgia Bulldogs “Hunker Down One More Time” and knock off the Bayou Bengals

We have more than a few things to discuss, so let’s get to it

Enjoy your Picks…..

POST IRON BOWL REPLAY

In a fierce rivalry week, when anything can happen….
Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator was an “astounding” 46 and 8 or 85%.
(Please feel free to applaud at any time)

That leaves the CFB Wizard at 681 and 188 or holding steady at 78% for the 2011 season.

And as you might have guessed I have a couple of comments about “one” game in particular.
The Iron Bowl

To my great Auburn Alumni Veterinarians who have been so kind to my wonderful four legged family members and to my friends who are Auburn Alumni, I will shake your hand and tell you the same thing I say every year regardless of the score or the outcome of the game;
“Good game, see you next year”

To the mentally challenged Auburn Fans who sent me 483 rude and nasty emails after last year’s Iron Bowl and continued to send me taunting letters throughout the year, I have this to say to you: As the last strands of toilet paper drift from the dying shrubs of Tombstone Corner, I can’t help but notice that you all are quieter than a mime convention, but just not as entertaining.

Thanks for sending me that picture dumbass….
And one other comment…
It Hurts, don’t it?
“Good game, see you next year”

EMAIL QUESTIONS OF THE WEEK

Q: Dear Wizard Man –
I am mad as hell!
My Buddy done come over to the house and TOLD me he saw on them National Geographic television satellite that Elks have sex like 10 to 15 times a day this time of the year!
And wouldn’t you know it I just joined the VFW last week!
What do you think I should do?

Cory – Conway, Arkansas

A: Cory have you considered AMVETS?

Q: Dear Sir –
My family and I moved to the State of Alabama last year and we are “new” to the Alabama – Auburn Rivalry, and I have a question that I hope you can help me with.

I also teach Sunday school to some young children ages 6 thru 8 and they were asking me last Sunday why so many people were happy that the Crimson Tide won the Iron Bowl.
Being new to this intense rivalry…
I hope you can give me an answer to satisfy these young impressionable minds.
Thank you

Joshua – Northport, Alabama

A: In Biblical terms Joshua, the resounding Victory by the Mighty Crimson Tide in the Iron Bowl means, that Jesus has put Satan back in the pit at least for another year.

Amen….

Q: Dear Mr. CFB Wizard –

My family and I traveled to see our first college football game this past weekend to watch the University of Tennessee take on the University of Kentucky in Lexington.

And I have a strange question that I hope you can answer for me.
My family and I noticed as we drove through the Commonwealth of Kentucky that nearly all the vehicles only had one functioning headlight, is there a reason for that phenomenon?

Thank you

PS: We really enjoy your website!

The Kirkland Family – Hamilton, Ohio

A: Thank you for the kind compliment Kirkland family, I greatly appreciate it.
The reason for this phenomenon is actually quite simply.
It is required by Federal law that all vehicles sold or purchased within the Commonwealth of Kentucky and within the State of West Virginia cannot leave the car lot without having “one” headlight disabled or otherwise “knocked out”. This law is also applicable in east Tennessee, southern Alabama, Arkansas and parts of Mississippi.

Q: Dear Mister Wizard –

What is your opinion about the nauseating out pouring of love from the national sports “media” concerning the year long push to give Stanford’s Andrew Luck the Heisman Trophy?

Thanks –

Gary – Memphis, Tennessee

A: Thank you for the email Gary.
Most people don’t know this about me, but I Love Christmas lights.
And one of the reasons I love them is because, Christmas Lights remind me of the national sports “media”
They all hang together, half of them don’t work and the one’s that do still aren’t too bright.

COLLEGE FOOTBALL NEWS

FLORIDA: I know Gator Fans…..
He said he just wanted some “personal space” and that he wouldn’t date “other” people.
Then you have to find out he went and married a damn Yankee this week.
It’s going to be alright, just get a gallon of Ice Cream and watch “Gone with the Wind”
You will be fine

TEXAS: The Mighty Longhorns ended the Lone Star Showdown as the good Lord intended….
I couldn’t have been prouder…

TENNESSEE: As I have written in past articles….
The worst referee in Southeastern Conference History; Penn Wagers has changed games and seasons with his many (many) controversial calls. The list is endless…

So without rubbing salt in last week’s wound I have this to say…
“Sometimes Penn gives and sometimes Penn takes away”

That WAS a Kentucky fumble at the ten yard line and you all did win the game.

VANDERBILT: All the sports media talking heads are gibbering about “who should be the Coach of the Year in the Southeastern Conference”
I will tell you who it is….Coach Franklin of Vanderbilt
Congratulations to the Commodores for being Bowl eligible this year

MISSISSIPPI STATE: Houston left Mississippi with Egg on his face….
Great Win Bulldogs and Congratulations

COLORADO: Armageddon is right around the corner; prepare yourself for the end of the world.
The Buffalo’s won their first “away” since World War I……

GEORGIA: The Mighty Bulldogs made the Conference Championship game, just like I said they would.
No need to thank me, it’s how I roll.

SOUTHEASTERN CONFERENCE: The College Sports dominance of this conference…
Makes me believe if the SEC would have been in charge of the War in Iraq and Afghanistan…
The war would have been over in three months and the Taliban would have finished with a worse record than Ole Miss.
Believe it

COACH’S CAROUSEL: Queue the Circus Music…..

UCLA…Ohio State…Ole Miss…Illinois…..Kansas….Washington State and the list grows…
The Hiring and firing isn’t over yet, not by a long shot…

More on this story as the Carousel turns…

WASHINGTON STATE: The Cougars hired “The Mad Pirate” in Mike Leach
It’s a great hire, and as my brothers in the Navy like to say…

“Stand by for heavy rolls”

OHIO STATE: If you think a little “Urban Renewal” is going to be the end of your problems
Think again

THE GAMES

Thursday December 1st

West Virginia at South Florida
The Mountaineers are a dangerous football team when the sun goes down and that’s…
No Bull
Light those Couches!
MOUNTAINEERS 28-17

Friday December 2nd

Ohio at Northern Illinois
This Championship game for the “something or another” Conference
Should be a Good one….
FRANKS CATS 34-31

UCLA at Oregon
Is this the Championship game of the PAC “whatever it’s called”?
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!
Seriously, it really is the “Championship game”?
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
QUACKS 53-17

Saturday December 3rd

Syracuse at Pittsburgh
I’m really sorry I can’t stop laughing about the Pacific Athletic Championship game…
PANTHERS 21-17

Connecticut at Cincinnati
Ok in all fairness to the participants in this game, I really can’t stop giggling about the PAC something “Championship” game, it’s just too damn funny.
BEARKATS 34-17

The 2nd Round of the Division II Playoffs
Delta State and North Greenville
I think by now you all know I’m all about Okra…..
Except for Okra Winfrey, I think she is a damn idiot
FIGHTING OKRA 38-34

Iowa State at Kansas State
They call this game “Farmageddon”
It’s like Armageddon except with tractors and combines…..
WILDCATS 21-17

Troy at Arkansas State
In years past the Men of Troy have seemingly always had the Red Wolves number..
Not this year…
RED WOLVES 28-14

New Mexico at Boise State
I remember reading something from the Folks at Famous Potatoes State about….
“The teams in the Southeastern Conference don’t ever play anybody of note…”
SOoooooooooooo The Low Blows of New Mexico are a real powerhouse?
Idiots…
BRONCOS 92-0

Brigham Young at Hawaii
Dog the Bounty Hunter is on Christmas vacation or I would feel differently about this game.
Please, do not judge me or question my methods.
It’s a process, never mind…
COUGARS 34-24

Old Dominion at Georgia Southern
The First Round of the Playoffs….
After watching the Mighty Eagles attack the Crimson Tide two weeks ago…
I am going with…
SOUTHERN EAGLES 34-17

Wyoming at Colorado State
They call this game “The Border War” and it’s played for the “Bronze Boot”
I think the Cowboys are going to get the Boot in this one…
RAM TOUGH 31-17

Central Arkansas at Montana
Another Playoff Game and it’s played in the Sunny confines of Big Sky Country
And by “Sunny” I mean 10 degrees below zero….
THE GRIZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ 33-10

UNLV at Texas Christian
In this game, I have “two words” for you that will help simplify this entire contest
HORNED FROGS 43-17

Idaho at Nevada
The “Ida Honkies” make the trip to the Land of Roulette Wheels and Broken Dreams
And as a side note, it’s not the first time an group of “Ida Honkies” left that state disappointed
WOLF PACK 43-17

New Hampshire at Montana State
Ahhhh Another Playoff Game played in the warmth of Big Sky Country
I did mention that it’s going to be 10 degrees below zero in Montana this weekend didn’t I?
BOBCATS 28-17

Utah State at New Mexico State
There is a lot of Agriculture to be had in this game….
I am going out on a limb in this one, but I am feeling really confident
AGGIES 28-24

Fresno State at San Diego State
I received an email this week that said this game was “really” important
Sadly, the email didn’t give any other details, so I really don’t care
ANCIENT AZTECS 31-28

Texas at Baylor
I know the Bears are heavily favored in this game..
But I am incapable of picking against the Longhorns; it’s against my DNA
MIGHTY LONGHORNS 31-28

Middle Tennessee State at North Texas
Blue Raiders and Green that’s Mean….
There are far too many colors in this game for a colored blind guy like myself
MEAN GREEN 33-28

James Madison at North Dakota State
If you think Montana is cold this time of year, then you should visit North Dakota…
That cold wind strips everything off the surface of the earth there..
You don’t think so?
Then why is their State Tree a Telephone Pole?
THUNDERING BISON 21-17

Southern Miss at Houston
The Championship Game of Conference USA
I think the Mighty Cougars will remain undefeated, but not by much
COUGARS 28-24

Virginia Tech at Clemson
The Atlantic Coast Conference Championship Game
I still believe in the power of Howard’s Rock
DABO’S TIGERS 31-28

Oklahoma at Oklahoma State
The Bedlam Game for the Bedlam Bell
This game has been hyped for weeks and it won’t disappoint
BOOMER SOONERS 38-34

Wisconsin at Michigan State
The Championship Game for The Big Ten (Something or Another) Conference
These two teams met earlier in the season and the Cheese Loving Badgers fell to the Mighty Men of Sparta, go ahead and hit rewind and then enjoy in the instant replay
MIGHTY MEN OF SPARTA 28-24

Georgia at LSU
The BIG One
The Georgia Dome
The Southeastern Conference Championship Game
It’s going to be a dandy
HEY FIGHTN’ TIGERS 24-17

Enjoy Your Games….

RTR

THE CFB WIZARD

Nothing says “Thanksgiving” quite like a long weekend filled with hate and discontent.
This year there is plenty of both to go around

On the menu this year….
We will have a Turkey Day Classic and a Lone Star Showdown

A Backyard Brawl, a Border War and a Bedlam Game

There will be Battles over Old Oaken Buckets, Bourbon Barrels and Victory Bells

We will have tussles for Golden Boots, Beehive Boots and Jeweled Shillelagh’s

There will be a Battle in the Palmetto State…..
and a Sunshine Showdown and a tug of war over a Commonwealth Cup

In the Superdome we have the Bayou Classic with a Battle of the Bands
There is the Egg Bowl and a little something I like to call…
The Michigan – Ohio State game

Floyd of Rosedale is on the desert menu as is the Land Grant Trophy
Topped off with an unhealthy dose of Clean Old Fashioned Hate

And there is…..
The Iron Bowl…..

My stomach is churning already….

Enjoy Your Picks…

PRE-GAME WARM UP

Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator was 41 and 10 or 81% last week..
I know that is no consolation to the Husker Nation…..
But if it helps, I didn’t see that one coming either..

This leaves me at 545 and 130 or holding steady at 81% for the season.

EMAIL LETTERS OF THE WEEK

Q: Welcome to Candy Land!
I always like to open my letters with something out of the ordinary!
I have an unusual question Mister Wizard and I hope you can answer it!
This is rivalry week and my team THE Michigan Wolverines are playing “You know who”
in “You know where” and so my question is simply this:

Is it possible that Michigan’s Coach Rich Rod’s wife “Rita” could ugly the Wolverines to victory?
By that I mean is it possible that Rita could (through her unusual and over the top whorish attire and behavior) distract the team from “you know where” enough that they could possibly lose the game?

Thank you and don’t forget to tip your waitress!
(I always like to end my letters with something different too!)
GO WOLVERINES!
Tommy – Ann Arbor, Michigan

A: Tommy while you are waiting for the game with “you know who”..
May I suggest some reading to take your mind off the upcoming game….
”50 Signs of Mental Illness: A Guide to Understanding Mental Health” by James Whitney Hicks

Q: Mister Wizard as you know….
It’s time for the Lone Star Showdown….
I have a sinking sickening feeling the damn Aggies are going to take this one from us…
And I don’t know if I can take it, because you see…
I work with a bunch of those Aggie knuckleheads (And I am being nice here)

The only thing more irritating than working with them is my damn mother-in-law
and her “pet” Shih Tzu “Gatlin” who she named after the Gatlin Brothers.
She saw them one damn time in Branson Missouri….
and she thinks they are the greatest thing since Pearl Beer.
And you guessed it…
Her and that excuse for a dog are coming to my house for Thanksgiving.
God help me if she makes her “famous” casserole…
It smells like something that’s already been eaten, if you catch my meaning.
So what do you think Mr. Wizard?
Do the Horns have a shot at winning or should I start drinking now?
Clayton – San Marcos, Texas

A: My Friend…
The Longhorns have a real chance…..
But just in case keep the liquor within arm’s reach…

Q: Dear Sir –
My colleagues and I are not amused with your country witticisms concerning the Ivy league and we were most disturbed to read your easy dismissal and subsequent slight of the legendary Harvard – Yale game last week. If you knew anything about real college football you would know the wonderful history and beautiful pageantry surrounding this magnificent rivalry in the Ivy League.
We have won a few national championships ourselves you know?
Reginald – Cambridge, Massachusetts

A: Let me break it down for you “Barney Style” Reginald and maybe you will understand…
The mere fact you didn’t capitalize “National Championship” proves you don’t know anything about college football and the fact is, The Ivy League hasn’t won anything of importance since the Spanish American War.
And as a side note, your Marching Bands suck almost as bad as your football teams.

DROPPING SOME KNOWLEDGE ON YO’ ASS
BY RUFUS JOHNSON

“When you live in Alabama, you got to choose sides…
You is either for Alabama or Auburn…
Some of us is born into the rivalry, but we is all in it and you carry it all your life.
And everybody’s got to make a choice between the two teams, even if you just move here.
That’s how it is…
It’s us against them….
The one thing we both have in common is….
we got no respect for folks that live down here and say they don’t care who wins the Iron Bowl….
You might as well say you don’t believe in Jesus, Christmas and Bear Bryant…
The Lord don’t respect fence riders and neither do we”

IRON BOWL COMMENTARY

The voice of College Football…..
The Great Keith Jackson said this of the Iron Bowl…
“There are rivalries and there are rivalries and then there is Alabama and Auburn”
This game takes on a life of its own and permeates every facet of living in Alabama

I remember a time not that long ago…
When children had to set on opposite sides of the school bus during the week of the game
One side marked with a War Eagle and the other side with an Elephant…
And yes, you had to pick a side.

I remember a young preacher in a church I attended as a boy….
Who said a week before the Iron Bowl….
“He didn’t understand what all the fuss was about”
He was gone before Christmas…..

When I was considerably younger I lived for a time next door to a wonderful family who happened to have a number of boys in their family and they were all Auburn Tiger fans.
Iron Bowl week doesn’t go by that I don’t remember a backyard football game behind their house.

Pat Sullivan was on his way to winning a Heisman trophy for the Auburn Tigers
and his favorite target was the great Terry Beasley.

Since most of the boys were older than me, they would run circles around me.
It was terribly frustrating for a scrawny little kid like me…

Then the oldest boy named Phil said those words…..
After he tossed a beautiful pass over my head and outstretched arms to his brother…
“Sullivan to Beasley, Touchdown Tigers!”

That was when the fight started….
I was quickly overwhelmed but I couldn’t let that slight go unanswered…

In what seemed like an eternity my savior arrived in the form of Mrs. Gargis, the boy’s mother.
She pulled those boys off me with the expertise of a college referee…

She wiped my tears and cleaned up my bloody nose and feed us all lunch.
She could mend hard feelings and hurt pride like nobody else could..

I loved that woman…

A few years later Phil went on to be a starting quarterback at Auburn and his son is a great quarterback as well and I suspect he will be starting for the Tigers in the near future.

Marriages and businesses have and will be dissolved over the results of this game…

There have been friendships shattered…..
and hard feelings shared that will last a lifetime over this one single game.

These many years later….
I am glad I still have my Auburn friends and my Auburn Veterinarian buddies…
But just for the record…
I hope you all get your collective asses kicked this Friday.

RTR
MEB

THE PICKS

Thursday November 25th

Tuskegee at Alabama State
There is nothing like starting the day with the “Turkey Day Classic”
Didn’t Lionel Richie and the Commodores go to Tuskegee?
That’s good enough for me…
BRICK HOUSE TIGERS 24-21

Texas A&M at Texas
This is The Lone Star Showdown and there is nothing bigger in the State of Texas
It’s in Austin…..
The Aggies are on a roll….
The Longhorns are down….
I have a feeling; I just hope it’s not gas…
MIGHTY LONGHORNS 28-21

Friday November 26th

Louisville at Rutgers
I have a hint for you in this one…
The Cardinal’s are stronger than the State school of New Jersey…
STRONGER CARDINAL’S 24-17

West Virginia at Pittsburgh
This rivalry is known as the “Backyard Brawl”
Don’t leave your seat until the final whistle blows….
Then Light those Couches!
MOUNTAINEERS 28-24

Ohio at Kent State
This Battle in the Buckeye State is called….
“Nobody is Watching us Because Ohio State is playing Michigan”
The acronym is far too confusing to describe for you here
BOBCATS 33-17

Buffalo at Akron
If you are wondering why this game is included in this week’s Picks
During such a hotly contested rivalry weekend…
It’s known as “Filler”
ZIPPERS 34-14

Central Michigan at Toledo
I wonder if Ponch and Jon on CHIPS every just said “Chippewa’s”
It makes perfect sense to me..
ROCKET MEN 33-17

Southern Methodist at East Carolina
I know what time it is…
It’s Mustang Time…
MIGHTY MUSTANGS 38-34

Auburn at Alabama
This is the Iron Bowl……
It’s Oil and Water…..
It’s Cowboys and Indians …
It’s Democrats and Republicans…
It’s the Jewish people and Muslims…
It’s us against them….
It’s a War of Culture and Climate…
It’s Family against Family….
Except it’s worse….
Way Worse…
CRIMSON TIDE 34-31

Colorado at Nebraska
I doubt I will be conscience to watch this game…..
But this game belongs to the angry (and rightfully so)
(Col. J this one is for you…)
CHILDREN OF THE CORN 38-17

UCLA at Arizona
I wish I cared……
I really do…
But let’s be honest…
This game decides who will get the first shot at the….
“Mister Peanuts Bowl” Sponsored by the Peanut Growers of the South
BRUINS 24-17

Southern Miss at Tulsa
There is only one way to go with this pick….
This is for my Southern Miss Family…
GOLDEN EAGLES 38-34

Arizona at Oregon
I would love to watch this game….
I really would…
But I plan on either being happy as hell or too despondent to talk at this point in the day
QUACK ATTACK 106-17

Boise State at Nevada
Remember you read it here first….
UPSET SPECIAL!!!!!!!!!!!!
PACK OF WOLVES 41-38

Saturday November 27th

Michigan at Ohio State
This rivalry is known simply as “The Game”
It represents “hate” in its purest form…
This one is for the Great Jack Tatum….
MIGHTY BUCKEYES 28-14

Central Florida at Memphis
Elvis has most definitely left the building….
(And not that it’s all that import here…
But I do a phenomenal Elvis impression…)
GOLDEN KNIGHTS 43-10

Tulane at Marshall
I have three words for you…..
WE ARE MARSHALL 34-17

Indiana at Purdue
This Big Ten rivalry is played each year for…
“The Old Oaken Bucket”
As opposed to the “New Wood-like Prefabricated Plastic Bucket”
It simply doesn’t roll off the tongue..
HOO’S YOUR DADDY? 33-31

Boston College at Syracuse
If you have waited all year for this game….
And you arrange your Thanksgiving around the opening kickoff….
Then you have to be a basketball fan…
CHESTNUT HILL EAGLES 28-24

Cincinnati at Connecticut
This game used to be something to watch…
But it has gone to the dogs…
HUSKIES 33-20

North Alabama at Delta State
The Second Round of the Division II Playoffs….
Everybody knows I love the Fighting Okra….
But Saturday they get fried…
MIGHTY LIONS 38-28

Kentucky at Tennessee
This fierce border rivalry is played each year for the “Bourbon Barrel”
Which on the surface is something I can certainly support…
It’s Tennessee and Kentucky…
(Cue the banjo music)
VOWELS 31-24

Missouri at Kansas
This game is a Border War of Biblical proportions….
It has been a “war” since before Kansas was a state….
It’s played for the “Indian War Drum” and the “Lamar Hunt Trophy”
But this game isn’t about trophy’s…
It’s about “us” versus “them”
I’m a Jesse James and Cole Younger man…
MO’S TIGERS 31-21

Grambling State at Southern University
This game is “The Bayou Classic” and there is truth in advertising here
Not only is it a classic match-up between too outstanding teams…
The battle of the bands is not to be missed….
And as a side note…
I still miss seeing Coach Rob on the Tiger sidelines…
ROB’S TIGERS 33-17

Hawaii at New Mexico State
I hate to think of Pistol Pete being undone by a guy in a grass skirt…
It hurts my feelings…
WARRIORS in grass skirts dancing across RAINBOWS 28-24

Bloomsburg at Mercyhurst
Another Game of the Second Round of the Division II Playoffs
These boys can play some football
MERCY ME 38-34

LSU at Arkansas
This Border War is simply titled….
The Battle for the Golden Boot
In simple terms….
The respective alumni, fans and teams hate each other intensely
This one could easily go either way…
FIGHTN’ TIGERS 33-31

Brigham Young at Utah
This instate rivalry is played for the “Beehive Boot”
I can’t imagine why anyone would want to wear a boot full of bees…
What’s next a “Hat Full of Wasp’s”?
Doesn’t make sense to me…
TWO UTES with a Boot full of Bees 31-28

Washington at California
This one is fairly simple to predict….
California Sucks…
I hope that made it easy for you…
HUSKIES 33-17

Grand Valley at Augusta
This is another Game of the Second Round of the Division II Playoffs
And not that it’s all that important here….
But I just saw a commercial with Dolly Parton….
GRAND VALLEY 34-24

EDITORS NOTE: Before you ask….
Yes I am that easily influenced…

Abilene Christian at Central Missouri
Another Game of the Second Round of the Division II Playoffs and it’s a good one..
I have upset on my mind in this one….
MO’s MULES 28-24

Kansas State at North Texas
Todd Dodge’s Son with the Mean Green is certainly the real deal….
But unfortunately the rest of the team is too green and not too mean..
WILDCATS 43-17

Texas Christian at New Mexico
The Lobos have but one chance to win this game….
Pray that the Horned Frogs get delayed on their flight through an extensive pat-down policy
And subsequently miss the game.
Yeah, that’s their only shot at victory here
MIGHTY HORNED FROGS 53-0

Mississippi State at Ole Miss
This instate rivalry is known as “The Egg Bowl”
It is chocked full of hate, discontent, hard feelings, and fights…
And it lasts all year long….
BULLY DOGS 31-24

Oregon State at Stanford
I know, I know……
I doubted the Power of the Beaver last week….
I should have known better
This will be close
CARDINAL 31-28

Wake Forest at Vanderbilt
A bunch of smart kids take to the field in Music City…
Yippee
DEMON DEACONS 28-17

Georgia Tech at Georgia
Since 1893 these two instate rivals have played the game called….
“Clean Old Fashioned Hate” for the Governors Cup….
There is nothing clean or old fashioned about it, but there is enough “hate” to last all year
And as a historical side note….
This game was first played the year Bobby Bowden was born..
Coincidence?
SIC EM DAWGS 31-28

Houston at Texas Tech
The winner of this game has first dibs on the “Preparation H Bowl”
Both of them are itching to win…
GET THOSE GUNS UP RED RAIDERS! 38-24

Oklahoma at Oklahoma State
The Bedlam Game….
The name says it all…..
The winner takes home the Bedlam Bell and more importantly
Bragging Rights…
COWBOY UP! 38-34

Notre Dame at Southern California
This old college football rivalry is played for the “Jeweled Shillelagh”
Thankfully they changed the name to its present title….
As it was once known as the “Jock Itch Shillelagh” after a particularly nasty outbreak
in the respective locker rooms that each team subsequently blamed on each other.
Isn’t history fun?
LAME CHEATERS 6-3

South Florida at Miami
I have on good authority that the winner of this game….
Has a shot at the “Sweet Potato Bowl” in Yazoo City Mississippi
How sweet is that?
HURRICANES 33-17

North Carolina at Duke
This instate rivalry is played each and every year for the “Victory Bell”
And if my calculations are correct…
It will stay with the Heels until Hell Freezes over…
HEELS of TAR 34-31

Michigan State at Penn State
This game is called….
“The Battle of the Land Grants” and it’s played for the “Land Grant Trophy”
And this game is very important to Joe Pa….
Because he can remember when both states were just territories…
SPARTANS 34-33

North Carolina State at Maryland
This game isn’t a rivalry per say….
But it will be a slobber knocker none the less..
PACK OF WOLVES 34-17

Iowa at Minnesota
This Big Ten game is played for “The Floyd of Rosedale”
I have been informed that “Floyd” is a “pig”
Which I personally think is hurtful to talk about Floyd like that….
Everybody knows he has a thyroid problem…
EYES of the HAWK 28-17

South Carolina at Clemson
In the Palmetto State….
There is nothing bigger……
It’s called “The Battle of the Palmetto State”
It’s played for the “Hardee’s Trophy”
Which looks suspiciously like a Triple Patty Melt from Hardee’s
STEVE’S GAMECOCKS 33-28

Virginia at Virginia Tech
The Battle for the Commonwealth of Virginia
Played for the coveted Commonwealth Cup….
It’s Thanksgiving and that means Turkey…
FIGHTN’ TURKEYS 28-17

Florida at Florida State
It’s time for the Sunshine Showdown in the Great State of Florida…
This has all the hate and bitterness of any other instate rivalry…
And it’s about to get worse…
JIMBO’S NOLES 28-24

Northwestern at Wisconsin
You guessed it…
Another “rivalry” game in the Big Ten…..
This game is played for the “Gus Polinski Polka King Accordion”
And on an unrelated side note…
Polka music makes my head want to pop off…
THE POWER OF CHEESE WHIZ 38-17

Happy Thanksgiving to you all…..
Enjoy Your Games

RTR
THE CFB WIZARD

Today is Thanksgiving….
To most people that means three things….
Family, food and football….
And not necessarily in that order…

We have a cornucopia of rivalries this weekend……
Overflowing with hate and discontent…..
Ah, Good Times…

I can hardly wait to dig in, but before we do
Let’s be thankful for what we have and not grumble about what we don’t have….

For example, I am thankful last week Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator…..
was a rather “average” 41 and 11 or 79%, leaving me at 533 and 147 or 78% for the season.
(Noticed how I weaved the weekly statistics in so inconspicuously…..)

All things considered, we all have it pretty damn good

Happy Thanksgiving to you all

Enjoy your games!

Thursday November 26th

Texas at Texas A&M
The Lone Star Showdown
I remember the cheap shots on Colt McCoy…….
and the “down horns” signs by the Aggie players a couple of years ago…..
the bad news…..
The Longhorns remember it too….
MIGHTY LONGHORNS 43-17

Tuskegee at Alabama State
The “Turkey Day Classic” as it is known, has been played since 1901.
Which coincidently is the same year Coach Bobby was born….
GOLDEN TIGERS 24-21

Friday November 27th

Nevada at Boise State
This isn’t a rivalry game…..
It’s just and Old Fashioned Boise State ass whipping
BRONCOS 38-23

Illinois at Cincinnati
Some people are calling for a Fighting Pumpkin “Upset”
I don’t happen to be one of “those” people
BEARKATS 33-17

Rutgers at Louisville
After the Scarlet Knights lost last week to (of all teams…)
Syracuse…
The Jersey Campus was reported to have smelled like old pancakes and shame…
But then they realized they lived in New Jersey, which explained the smell.
SCARLET KNIGHTS 24-17

Toledo at Bowling Green
This is the Battle of I-75 for the coveted “Peace Pipe”
The trophy alone tells you this isn’t a fierce rivalry.
If it was a serious rivalry, the word “peace” wouldn’t be in the equation.
FALCONS 24-20

Pittsburg at West Virginia
The Backyard Brawl
The name says it all…..
Two neighbors battle it out on a chilly night in Morgantown
Light those couches…
MOUNTAINEERS 24-21

Northern Illinois at Central Michigan
This game isn’t a rivalry and it isn’t a backyard brawl…
It’s about Chippewa’s riding the Huskies like midgets in a rodeo
Sorry for the visual….
That disturbed me a little bit too..
CHIPPEWA’S 34-13

Wyoming at Colorado State
This rivalry is known as “The Border War” and it is played each year for
“The Bronze Boot”….
The rams get the boot this year, but not where they thought they were going to get it..
COWBOY UP! 28-17

Temple at Ohio
The Bobcats are playing well, but the Owls are inspired…
HOOT OWLS 33-21

Buffalo at Kent State
It’s Thanksgiving for Goodness sake….
Who wants to think about the “Golden Flashes” this time of the year?
Makes you think about Grandma getting in the dinner wine and flashing the guests
NO BULL 38-10

Nebraska at Colorado
The Children of the Corn haven’t forgotten……..
About the pasting the Buffalos gave them a few years ago…..
in fact they are still down right sore about it.
That isn’t good news for Ralphie
CORNHUSKERS 31-17

Memphis at Tulsa
I would care about this game…..
But the Iron Bowl is getting ready to come on.
Sorry…
HURRICANES OF GOLDEN 24-20

Alabama at Auburn
The Iron Bowl
The name says it all….
CRIMSON TIDE 24-14

Saturday November 20th

Florida State at Florida
This is the Sunshine State Showdown
It is played for the Governors Cup
The Tallahassee paper has reported this week…
Coach Bobby is “ready” for the game….
What they “meant” to say was ….
Coach Bobby is “ready” to go to the bathroom without assistance…
Not that this story has anything to do with Thanksgiving…
But it is the season of “sharing”, so I felt obligated to share.
MIGHTY GATORS 34-17

Virginia Tech at Virginia
In Virginia nothing is as important as the “Commonwealth Cup”
Which by my estimation……
Will stay in Blacksburg until Hell freezes over.
MIGHTY HOKIES 33-17

Miami (FL) at South Florida
Unless you have seen an actual Hurricane….
Loose in your house you cannot discount their power or destruction.
In case you were wondering, “yes”…..
I am referring to the Thanksgiving when my sister-in-law visited two years ago.
The Damage is as yet to be fully assessed.
HURRICANES 33-14

Oklahoma State at Oklahoma
The Bedlam Game for the Bedlam Bell
There is nothing more important today in the Great State of Oklahoma…
Not Births, not deaths, not bar mitzvahs, not anything.
This is it….
COWBOY UP! 31-17

Carson Newman at North Alabama
The quarter finals of the Division II College Football Playoffs
These teams played each other earlier in the season, with the Lions winning.
Different day, same result….
MIGHTY LIONS ROAR 34-31

Missouri at Kansas
This game is called the Border War….
It’s played for the “Indian War Drum” and the Lamar Hunt Trophy
Some still call this a “Civil War”, but make no mistake…
There is nothing “Civil” about this rivalry
MO’S TIGERS 38-14

Georgia at Georgia Tech
Sure, this game is for the “Governors Cup”
But this rivalry is known as “Clean Old Fashioned Hated”
That my friends, sums it up nicely….
YELLOW JACKETS 31-28

Clemson at South Carolina
The game is called the “Battle of the Palmetto State”
Coach Sweeny is an Alabama man….
And that’s good enough for me…
DABO’S TIGER 33-17

Grambling State at Southern University
The Bayou Classic
Have I mentioned lately that I’m a Coach Rob guy?
I have?
Good, I just wanted to make sure we were on the same page
ROB’S TIGERS 38-17

Rice at Houston
The Battle for the Bayou Bucket
My favorite pudding gets whipped in H-Town…
Believe it…
COUGARS 43-14

Arizona at Arizona State
This instate rivalry is affectionately known as the “Duel in the Desert”
And it’s played for the “Territorial Cup”
Which I think resembles a bucket of sand….
WILDCATS 24-21

Tennessee at Kentucky
This game has always been known as “The Battle for the Beer Barrel”
And the keg goes to…..
WILDCAT BLUE 33-24

Boston College at Maryland
This game promises chills and thrills…
Who am I kidding nobody is going to watch this damn game…
CHESTNUT HILL EAGLES 24-17

Wake Forest at Duke
Demon Deacons and Blue Devils….
Kind of sounds like Jimmy Swaggart holding his breath…..
DEMON DEACONS 28-24

North Carolina at North Carolina State
The Battle for Tobacco Road…..
The Heels have a tough defense and State has an amazing engineering department
Yeah, this one shouldn’t be too tough….
TAR OF HEELS 33-13

Texas Tech at Baylor
I doubted the power of the Red Raider’s last week…
I thank everyone in the Red Raider nation for pointing my error out….
I should have known better…
Lubbock is the Home of Buddy Holley…
Enough said, Peggy Sue
GET THOSE GUNS UP!
RED RAIDERS 43-21

Washington State at Washington
This instate rivalry game is played for the “Apple Cup”
Please note…..
If your “rivalry” game has a flower, a fruit or any members of the “Village People”
In the name, then it doesn’t count as a “real” rivalry, sorry.
I don’t make the rules, I just enforce them.
HUSKIES 17-10

Ole Miss at Mississippi State
The Egg Bowl….
Few rivalries outside the Iron Bowl are bitterer than this contest….
I can feel the heads of Mississippians nodding everywhere….
I wish I had better news Bulldog Jim….
REBELS 33-17

Syracuse at Connecticut
Not that I care because I don’t…….
But I have obligations too….
HUSKIES 24-21

New Mexico at Texas Christian
I can’t say that I have actually seen a horned amphibian ride a Lobo…
Not even on the Animal Planet….
But rules like records are meant to be broken…
(My personal motto….)
HORNED FROGS 43-10

Southern Miss at East Carolina
I have gotten back in good graces with my Hattiesburg faithful…
So I don’t intend on taking a step backwards at this point….
Let’s face it….
Few things in life are as good as Mississippi BBQ….
A man has to have his priorities….
GOLDEN EAGLES 31-17

Central Florida at UAB
What the hell is a “Blazer” anyway?
Something on sale from the Men’s Warehouse?
That’s a stupid mascot….
Everybody Run! Here comes a Sport Coat!
I don’t get it…
GOLDEN KNIGHTS 38-17

Tulane at Southern Methodist
My Proud Ponies are a “win” a way from going to a Bowl game…
They won’t disappoint me….
MIGHTY MUSTANGS 34-23

Marshall at Texas El Paso
Three simple words here….
WE ARE MARSHALL 31-24

Utah at Brigham Young
This is the “Holy War” for the “Beehive Boot”
I can’t say I have ever put my foot in a boot full of bees….
But I saw this dumbass in Michigan once…
Never mind those people from Michigan have suffered enough…
TWO UTES 33-31

Utah State at Idaho
This game is being played at the home of the Vandals….
I respect people whose mascot looks like a foam rubber Genghis Khan…
THE MIGHTY KHANS 38-17

Arkansas at LSU
The Battle for the four foot tall “Golden Boot”
The past two years it has resided in Fayetteville….
There won’t be a change of address left at the Post Office this year….
RAZORBACKS 34-24

Notre Dame at Stanford
The winner of this game wins the “Legends Trophy”
I am assuming by the title it has Knute Rockne’s skull atop the trophy…
Which is creepy…
CARDINAL 34-31

New Mexico State at San Jose State
I would watch this game but the Animal Planet has a “Thanksgiving” Special
On the dental hygiene of the platypus
Don’t laugh….
It will be a hell of a lot more entertaining than this game…
JOSE CUERVO 34-10

UCLA at Southern California
The Battle in the City of Botox Angels for the “Victory Bell”
Gosh, I would care, but I have to do my laundry, sorry….
BRUINS 33-31

Navy at Hawaii
This game reminds me….
I want to wish a Happy Thanksgiving to “Dog the Bounty Hunter”
I love those guys…
MIDSHIPMEN 34-17

I hope you all have a Happy Thanksgiving….
And a great weekend of college football….

Stay tuned…
There is more to come..

RTR
MEB

Not that we aren’t thankful, nothing could be further from the truth….

This isn’t about being “Thankful”….
It’s about your “Rival”….
It’s about bragging rights
This is “Us” verses “Them”

It’s the “Lone Star Showdown”
The “Backyard Brawl”
The Border War
The Battle for the Palmetto State
The Battle of the Beehive and Golden Boot
The Egg Bowl
Bedlam and its coveted Bell
It’s about the Commonwealth, Apple and Governor’s Cups
It is about Clean Old Fashioned Hate….
It is The Iron Bowl

These clashes will be told and retold for generations
And the Legends of the fall that come from such games live forever.

Let’s take a look at a few of the games we have in store this week…..

THE LONE STAR SHOWDOWN

Texas Longhorns – Texas A&M Aggies

The Name alone says it all….
It’s “Gig Em Aggies!” verses “Hook Em Horns!”
These two fine University’s students, fans and alumni hate each other with a passion.

Case in point, a few years ago Texas A&M produced their fall catalog of classes and otherwise promoting the university
and all it’s fine accomplishments as well as to encourage prospective students to attend the university in College Station Texas.
On the cover of the fall catalog was a collage of pictures of campus life at Texas A&M, from students studying outside, walking to class, football games at Kyle Field, two students with goggles studying in the chemistry lab, but one picture on the cover was “different”.
In one picture a young lady in the Aggie Marching Band was playing the flute.
She had her hands in such a way while playing a particular note on the instrument
that it appeared she was making the “Hook Em Horns” sign.

Please see the example of the proper “Hook Em Horns” sign below delivered by my buddy Matthew McConaughey.

This incensed the Aggie Alumni and they demanded the Catalogs, which had already been distributed by the way,
be recalled and a “new” edition reprinted without the accursed picture on it.

Cost to print and distribute Fall Catalogs: 1.3 Million Dollars
Coast to recall the catalogs, reprint and redistribute Fall Catalogs: 5.6 Million Dollars
The enjoyment Longhorn Fans had from this fiasco: Priceless

Enjoy the short video that has nothing to do with the above story,
but is further evidence of the hate and discontent the Aggies have……
for the Mighty Longhorns from the University of Texas at Austin.

Click here to view the embedded video.

THE BORDER WAR

Missouri Tigers – Kansas Jayhawks

These two states have hated each other since Bill Quantrill burned Lawrence Kansas to the ground…
and even before that, there were hard feelings and hate.

The feelings are mutual and have festered over the years.

I know a number of Missourians who will correct me when I ask them…
“Isn’t Kansas the Sunflower State?”
They will politely tell me there are “Three kinds of Sun’s in Kansas”
Sunshine
Sunflowers
And
Sons of…you can figure out the rest of that on your own.

THE BACKYARD BRAWL

Pittsburg Panthers – West Virginia Mountaineers

This rivalry isn’t as intense as it once was….
But it is still filled with disgruntled fans from what was once “Steel Town” all the way
to the beautiful mountains of West “By God” Virginia.

Not only is this a rivalry for the ages in this particular part of the country, but as a side note,
You have to respect anybody like the Mountaineer faithful
who are willing to burn their “own” couch in their front yard after a win over a hated foe.

THE EGG BOWL

Mississippi State Bulldogs – Ole Miss Rebels

If you are looking for hate, passion and discontent that has no expiration date then look no further than the “Egg Bowl”.

In the Great State of Mississippi with poultry the current king of agriculture….
the Egg Bowl takes center stage this weekend and the rivalry has never been more intense, if that’s possible.

There will be harsh words, fights and more fights…….
and that’s just in the parking lot before the game. Make no mistake, this game is intense and emotions are raw.

BATTLE FOR THE GOLDEN BOOT

LSU Tigers – Arkansas Razorbacks

These two states, schools, fans, and alumni hate each other, period.
They have been playing for the four foot “Golden Boot” Trophy since 1901
But trophy or no trophy, they just hate each other.
Case in point, two years ago when the LSU Tigers won the 2007 National Championship……
there was a popular bumper sticker seen throughout Arkansas that I thoroughly enjoyed.
It read…..

ARKANSAS RAZORBACKS 50
National Champion LSU Tigers 48

Priceless……

THE APPLE CUP

Washington Huskies – Washington State Cougars

I know this is “Big” deal in the State of Washington….
But let me clue you all on in a little secret…..
If your rivalry game has either a fruit or flower in the name
Then it’s not that big a deal outside your own state…
Sorry..

SUNSHINE STATE SHOWDOWN FOR THE GOVERNORS CUP

Florida Gators – Florida State Seminoles

I know, I know….
This is a relatively new rivalry as rivalries go; it began in 1958, when Coach Bobby was only 61 years “young”.
But this game is no less intense than older more established rivalries.
The Gator Nation hates the Seminole Nation and all they stand for and vice versa.

There have been some of the finest college football players to ever lace the cleats to play in this rivalry.
But I think this game can be summed up best by Coach Bobby himself when he said recently….
“You know when Ponce de Leon showed me the fountain of youth he told me watch out for Gators.”

How true, how true….

THE COMMONWEALTH CUP

Virginia Tech Hokies – Virginia Cavaliers

This fierce rivalry in the Old Dominion would mean more to me……
If I could remember the last time the Cavaliers won, but I can’t.

So it doesn’t it.

THE BEDLAM GAME

Oklahoma Sooners – Oklahoma State Cowboys

These two teams were playing each other before Oklahoma was even a state.
It’s Stillwater and the Cowboys verses the mighty Sooners of Norman.
They despise each other with a passion that can only instate rivals can appreciate.
They have accused each other of various dirty tricks over the years……..
From giving tainted food with laxatives to Sooner players to slow them down..(I’m serious….)
To wetting the field to slow down the likes of Barry Sanders….(I’m really serious…)
Throw the records out the window in this one; it’s always a battle for the ages.

CLEAN OLD FASHIONED HATE

Georgia Bulldogs – Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets

There are few games that garner more hard feelings than this game between these two bitter instate rivals…..
hence the name of the game, in case you missed it.
The fans of the respective schools can’t agree on anything and disagree about everything.
They can’t even agree on how many times they have played the series.
But suffice to say this war has been going on since 1893, that’s right I said 1893.

This rivalry can best be summed up by the beloved Southern writer and University of Georgia Graduate Lewis Grizzard…
When reporting for the Atlanta Journal Constitution; Lewis left his entire column empty……
The day after the Yellow Jackets defeated his Bulldogs. One whole section in the Paper, blank.

The hard feelings in this one last forever…

BATTLE OF THE PALMETTO STATE

Clemson Tigers – South Carolina Gamecocks

You want a long standing rivalry?
This one has been going off and on since the 1880’s….
But the game itself is the longest standing uninterrupted series in the South.

There have been brawls, fights and riots since this series began
and it’s no less intense now with Coach Steve at the helm of the Gamecocks and Coach Sweeny with the Tigers.

This is one of those rivalries that transcend time and space.
No matter where you go in the world if you are a Gamecock or a Tiger
you carry this feeling with you going into this week, that cannot be defined or described.
It’s about beating “Them”, and being able to enjoy that win for the next year.

That my friends; is what a rivalry is all about.

THE IRON BOWL

Alabama Crimson Tide – Auburn Tigers

In the immortal words of Keith Jackson the voice of college football now and forever.

“There are rivalries and there are rivalries and then there is Alabama and Auburn”

This kind of Hate deserves its own section; The Iron Bowl edition will be out tomorrow.

So Stay tuned…
There is more hate and discontent to come..
Your Thanksgiving Edition of the Picks will be out soon….

RTR
MEB