As you all know by now……
My beloved state of Alabama was hit with a devastating string of Tornados this past April. I would like to encourage you all, regardless of your religious or school affiliations (Which I recognize are often the same thing) to please donate to a charity of your choice that will help them recover from the devastating effects of this disaster.

There are a number of charities to donate too.
Here is a good place to start…..

Serve Alabama
http://www.servealabama.gov/2010/2011%20Tornadoes/Response.aspx

The Good Sisters at Catholic Tide
http://www.catholictide.com/02/please-donate-to-catholic-charities-usa-tornado-relief/

Or Contact my brother Reverend Kelvin Croom at the College Hill Baptist Church in Tuscaloosa

Make no mistake about it. We will be back, because that’s who we are.

We don’t quit, we don’t yield and we don’t surrender.

It’s gut check time

ROLL TIDE

THE CFB WIZARD

As many of you may know….
There have been a lot of changes on the University of Tennessee campus since Lane Tiffin took over the Volunteer Football Program….

Running water…

In-door plumbing…

Electricity…

Shoes….

But prehaps the most striking change this year…
Will be the change to one (of the many) of the University of Tennessee’s Mascots.

That’s right, you heard it here first!
“Smokey” the blue tick hound….
Will be replaced with “something more recognizable” and with a “breed” more in tune with todays society.

Athletic Director Mike Hamilton and Coach Lane Tiffin are currently looking into the variety of options available.

In an effort to assist the University of Tennessee…
I have started my own on-line contest to assist them in their efforts.
Why?
Because I care….

The First entry comes from Gertrude Hobgoblin from Twisted Branch, Tennessee

“Hi my name is Gertrude Hobgoblin and I am 82 years old and I live in Twisted Branch Tennessee.
I think my poodle “Liberace” would make the perfect mascot for the Tennessee Vols!

Why just the other day we was a watching “Wheel of Fortune”
(Liberace just Loves Pat Sajak!)
There was this boy on there…
With a damn Florida Gator shirt on!

You know what Liberace done?
He hiked his leg and peed right on that television screen!

It shorted out my trailer and caused a small fire….
But it showed what he was a thinking about them damn Gators!

I think a poodle is the right dog for the Vols!

Plus if I win this contest I can get me some new teeth and a television set”

Our next entry this week comes from Chuck “Dumpy” Clark from Three Toe, Tennessee.

“My name is “Dumpy” Clark and I got the dog mascot for them Tennessee Volunteers!

His name is “Barney” and he may not look like much….
But you ought to here him a howl when them Vols score!
Granted he ain’t done it much in a year or so..
But he can do other tricks too!

You ought to see what he can do with your leg!
That boy loves him some leg!

Anyway, Vote for Barney and Go Vols!”

PS – They call me “Dumpy” cause I drive a dump truck….
not cause I had me a bathroom problem at that damn mexican joint near the by-pass.

Our last entry of the week comes to us….
All the way from Turkey Knuckle, Tennessee and Harold “Turnip” Stankle.

“Folks around here call me “Turnip” cause my head is a shaped like a Turnip…
But I ain’t a want’n to talk about that right now..

I got the dog them Volunteers are a looking for a mascot!

I call him “Peanut”…
This ole boy can flat get after it!

He does this little ole dance to Rocky Top that will make you fall off your bar stool!

I believe this dog is what Tennesse is all about!
I say we put ole Peanut in the game and see what he can do!
What do you say?

PS – I was a going to put a jersey on him….
But he bit the hell out of me when I was a trying to squeeze it over his head and then he run up that gum tree.

I got to go to the vet now and get a shot before a damn inclination sets in”

If nothing else….
I think we may have found our replacement for Hootie…

Feel free to Vote right here my loyal readers…
The University of Tennessee needs your help.

Have a great weekend….

RTR
MEB

It’s time to catch up on your college football news as a number of major colleges concluded their spring practice last weekend.

Stay tuned…
I have some news that will surely amaze you…
And Next Week….
We will have the return of our “Seven Questions” segement…
With none other than Miles Brand the President of the NCAA…
It should be “illuminating”…..

But until then let’s catch up on some emails and college football news.

Enjoy!

EMAIL QUESTIONS & ANSWERS

Q: Don’t start getting all cocky just because Alabama “finally” won an Iron Bowl!
How many had Auburn won before the Tide decided to roll in?
War damn Eagle!
Chip – Pensacola, Florida

A: You sure are mighty cocky yourself Chip…
I saw the scoreboard and thought I saw a Goose Egg up there…

Q: Dear Mister Wizard, I enjoy your pages and insightful writings. I like your picture at the top of the page. I wish I had me one of them robe out fits and matching cap, too.

Here’s my question. My Bull-Dawgs have done and got ‘em another top recruiting class, just like Alabama. We also got us a reeeeeeeeaal good coach, just like Alabama. We had us a pretty good season last year, almost like Alabama.

When do you think we’ll win us a National Championship, just like Alabama?
Lemual – Ludowici, Georgia

A: You sure you aren’t a Tennessee fan?
Because you write like a Tennessee fan, that’s all I’m saying.

Q: How do I go about asking Tim Tebow to marry me?
I kept a writing him and I found his phone number…
(Called him when I was drinking; Big Mistake!)
Then he went and changed his number!
So help me, how do I go about it?
I think he is hot!
Tracy – Homosassa, Florida

A: You already have a restraining order against you, don’t you Tracy?

Q: Mike, any crazy new college football news that we don’t already know about?
Thanks!
Glen – Blacksburg, Virginia

A: I don’t know if you heard about the man suing the University of Miami?
He believes the term “Hurricane” is discriminatory against men…
So in a knee jerk reaction, the President of the University decided to rename the team…

“The We-All-A-Canes”…..
Catchy don’t you think?

Q: Mike what is the deal with the NCAA?
Why can’t they seem to close the deal on the Reggie Bush investigation?
If the NCAA can find schools guilty without any evidence to support their claims, then it seems pretty simple that they could shut the case on Southern California after all the “evidence” has surfaced.
What’s your take?
Paul – Charleston, South Carolina

A: Paul it’s simple…
The Case against the University of $outhern California has dragged on because….
The NCAA has more tools within their hallowed halls than Lowes and Home Depot..
Combined..

Q: Mike, now that Phil Fulmer has left the University of Tennessee, could you find it in your heart to relay a “good” story about Tennessee Volunteer fans?
Please?
Melanie – Strawberry Plains, Tennessee

A: Sure Melanie…
One afternoon a University of Tennessee student was given a ride by a guy in his big Lincoln Continental…

The student noticed a bunch of golf tees on the front seat and asked..
“What are those things for?”

The guy said, “They’re to hold my balls while I drive.”

“Damn!” exclaimed the Tennessee student…
“These Lincoln Continentals have Everything, don’t they?”

EDITORS NOTE: This never gets old for me…

Q: Mike, I read that Terry Bowden left the ABC College Football pre-game team and has decided to coach again.

Do you know where he is coaching?
Thanks!
Susan – Opelika, Alabama

A: Terry Bowden took the position as Head Football Coach of the Sally Brothers Midget Clown College.

It is my understanding….
that he took the position primarily…
because everything at the college was designed for people of his stature.

COLLEGE FOOTBALL TEAM NEWS

ALABAMA: Bryant Denny Stadium hosted nearly eighty five thousand spectators this past Saturday to watch the spring scrimmage and witness the competition for starting quarterback.
If the offense can get pointed in the right direction and with nine returning starters on defense…
The Mighty Tide may Roll again in the Fall…

TENNESSEE: The annual Volunteer Orange and White game had nearly fifty thousand in attendance this year.

Prehaps the highlight of the afternoon’s festivities was awarding a Trophy….
To former coach Phil Fulmer…

I am not sure…
if the award was in recognition of his “5″ win season…
Or the fact that by leaving the university of Tennessee…
He single handedly dropped the crime rate in Knoxville by 36%!

Either way…
Congratulations!

EDITORS NOTE: There is no confirmation yet; on how many in attendance were law enforcement personnel, parole officers or bail bondsmen.

MICHIGAN: This past week all star basketball player and all around athlete Greg Paulus…
Strolled around the Wolverine campus to determine if he would walk-on as a future quarterback of the maze and blue.

This is what head Coach Rich Rodriguez had to say concerning the prize recruits visit:

“I didn’t meet with him…
But I can’t understand why Ron Paul would even want to play football..
I have seen him on television and he is kind of old, you know?
Plus he seems to have a career in politics or something already.”

EDITORS NOTE: After last years performance even Ron Paul at quarterback…
May not seem like such a bad idea if you think about it..

NEBRASKA: The Red and White spring game in Lincoln showcased Husker quarterback Zac Lee.
He clearly demonstrated that he is growing into the role of starting quarterback and leader of the Mighty Cornhuskers.

Converted Lineback Latravis Washington ran like he wants to be the premier back of the offense before 77,670 fans of the Husker nation.

EDITORS NOTE: I hate to be the one to tell you…
But the Mighty Huskers are Back…
You read it here first

TEXAS TECH: Ever heard of the name “Taylor Potts”?
He is the new captain of the Coach Leach offense in Red Raider Country…

Don’t worry fans you will know him well before the season is over..
Especially my Big 12 fans…

FLORIDA: Quarterback John Brantley led the offense during the Blue and Orange game for the National Champion Gators this past Saturday…
With most of the Gator starters setting out the game, this provided an opportunity to showcase the young talent the Gators have on the horizon…

Stated John after the game; “I think I have a real shot at starting this year…”

EDITORS NOTE: I Love the enthusiasm John…..
But I have “two” words for you son..
“TIM TEBOW”; now go take a seat on the bench…

AUBURN: New Tiger Football Coach Gene Chizik….

EDITORS NOTE: Pronounced: “Cheese-it” (Which is nice)

Proclaimed the War Eagle spring scrimmage a success!
and immedately ordered Championship rings for the winning squad..
No word yet on the parade….

WEST VIRGINIA: Quarterback Jarrett Brown “finally” has his shot at Mountaineer glory after (former) quarterback Pat White exhausted his 8 years of eligibility.

You will see a more “team” oriented offense this year from the Mountaineers..
That is loaded with talent…
Which is not good news for the rest of the Big East..

VIRGINIA TECH: I don’t have anything to report currently..
But, I do enjoy saying the word “Hokie”…
It’s fun to say even when you are alone…

NCAA: The ever diligent folks from Indianapolis have decided this past week to combine “both” investigations of the University of Southern California into one.

In case you may have forgotten…
The investigations in question invole Former Trojan athletes O.J. Mayo and Reggie Bush..
As you may recall…..
Both individuals are “alleged” to have accepted hundreds of thousands of dollars and gifts while playing for the University of the Second Coming…

Although both athletes “deny” the allegations…
The pair have placed the blame for their lavish lifestyle as college athletes…
On the “Trojan gift fairy”, who they are seeking…
Along with the “real” killers of Nicole Brown Simpson…

SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA: In case you haven’t heard….
Coach Pete Carroll of the Southern California Trojans is releasing a book….
Called….
“Winning Forever”

It is my understanding that the book describes how to funnel money to players, while turning a blind eye and keeping those pesky ole NCAA investigators at bay.

I hear it has a lot of “How To” pictures…

ARIZONIA STATE: This past week the former head football coach of the Sun Devils Bruce Snyder passed away. His twenty year career as a college football coach included an unbeaten season at Arizona State…

He will forever cast a long shadow in the Valley of the Sun…

WEST POINT:
He was known as “Mr. Inside”…
Doc…
and as the 1945 Heisman Trophy winner…
But Felix “Doc” Blanchard was more than that…

Nobody will argue that he was one of the finest college football players ever..
The bruising fullback was listed at 6 feet 208 pounds..
He and Glennn Davis, aka Mr. Outside, helped Army win consecutive National Titles in 1944-45.

But my favorite quote about Doc comes from none other than Notre Dame coach Ed McKeever who was quoted as saying about Blanchard in 1944…
“I’ve just seen Superman in the flesh….
He wears number 35 and goes by the name of Blanchard.”

Drafted in the third round by the Pittsburgh Steelers…
Doc never played a down….
He ended up serving a long career as a fighter pilot in the Air Force.
Flying combat missions in the Korean and Vietnam wars…

We will not see another player like him pass this way again…

RTR
MEB

Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator is Back!

Before we catch up on lost times…..
I want to thank you all for your kind words in response to my article about Charlie.

I cannot begin to tell you how good it was to see him when I returned.
Simply put: Charlie is “The Man”.

I also want to thank you for your emails and all the prayers while I was deployed.

I greatly appreciate it and will never forget your kindness.

We have a lot to catch up on my friends, so let’s get started.
In case you were wondering, I missed you all too.

Enjoy your update!

COLLEGE FOOTBALL NEWS (REWIND)

 At my age it’s comforting to know that some things don’t change…..
For example…
Coach Rod’s wife still looks like a ten dollar hooker and Kenny Chesney is still the Elton John of country music (Minus the classic music and talent). But there will always be those events that shock and amaze you and not always in a good way.
So, forgive me as we look back at the 2008 college football season and then catch up on a few email questions and answers. 

THE GOOD

FLORIDA: As the Mighty Gator Nation “may” recall….
Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator picked you to win the BCS Championship back on August 9^th.

EDITORS NOTE: No need to thank me, it’s what I do.

ALABAMA: An undefeated regular season….I didn’t see that one coming.

EDITORS NOTE: But I enjoyed it (immensely) from afar.

NEBRASKA: I told you Coach Bo would bring the Huskers back….
Congratulations on a winning season and bowl victory.

EDITORS NOTE: There are a lot more wins to come, believe me Husker Fans.

PENN STATE: Congratulations on the Big Eleven…I mean Ten Championship.

EDITORS NOTE: Glad you are feeling better Joe, we missed you on the sidelines.

CLEMSON: As I recall, the last time the Tigers had a former Alabama player as a Coach you won the National Championship.

Congratulations on a great choice.

OHIO STATE: The Buckeyes will be stronger this year than ever. Believe it.

EDITORS NOTE: Yes, before you ask; that also means another win over Michigan.

FLORIDA STATE: GREAT NEWS! Coach Bobby has agreed to be cryogenically frozen and coach from the comfort of his liquid nitrogen encased stainless steel container through the year 2120!

 GEORGIA: How Bout them DAWGS!

THE BAD

UTAH: When I am wrong, I admit it.

I picked the Ute’s last year in the “Pre Season Extravaganza” as…

“Pretenders”….

I couldn’t have been more wrong……

EDITORS NOTE: I know what a “Ute” is now.
It’s something that ruined my Sugar fix on 2 January 2009.

TEXAS: Great season and a tremendous Bowl win….
But let me put this gently….

Between the Heisman Ceremony and the BCS Committee..
You all must feel like Jodie Foster in “The Accused”

 The Longhorns should have been playing the Mighty Gators….

OREGON STATE: Damn It

MISSISSIPPI STATE: I hate Coach Croom left…I really do.

MICHIGAN: You had a chance to get Les Miles, but you all wouldn’t listen to me.
The Wolverines misery won’t end with 2008…Believe it.

EDITORS NOTE: I bet you all thought I was going to say something about Coach Rod’s wife, didn’t you.

 That will come later in the week….

TEXAS A&M: I still have R.C. Slocum’s cell phone number; you want it?

OKLAHOMA: Losing two games in a season would warrant raises and parades in most places.
But Norman Oklahoma isn’t “most” places.
The Sooner’s better crank it up a notch or two…

The natives are getting restless….

THE UGLY

NCAA: SOOOoooooooooooooooo

You have the time and resources to investigate everybody from the University of New Mexico to Florida State, but you can’t seem to find Reggie Bush’s Momma’s address?

 So just tell us this….

Who have you sold out to?
Was it the ABC network and ESPN?

That 350 Million dollar contract to broadcast PAC 10 football games lined your pockets nicely…..

Was it Adidas?
They really know how to reward an organization for keeping their “Star” endorsement out of trouble.

Or is it that the NCAA is just that corrupt and blind in its favoritism?

Enquiring minds want to know….

EDITORS NOTE: Just for the record, “No”, I will not give this up until I take my last dying breath.

SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA: Seriously, shouldn’t you all be on probation by now?

TENNESSEE: So Fat Phil renegotiated his contract with a “healthy” buy out clause months before he gets canned….How convenient.

EDITORS NOTE: I want to thank the administration and the athletic department at the University of Tennessee…
For hiring a new football coach that is easy to make fun of.

NOTRE DAME: On the subject of “healthy” contract buyouts…
Unless the Irish purchase Fort Knox they won’t get Uncle Charlie out of South Bend anytime soon.

 AUBURN: So “Ears” Tubberville took flight and took his high finger salute with him.

 Don’t let the door knob hit you on the back of the head on the way out the door…

 EDITORS NOTE: No wait, that joke was intended for Terry Bowden…
Never mind, it’s still funny.

PAC 10 Conference: Is “Choke” the Official Drink of your Conference?
Just wondering…….

 BCS Committee: As a Safety Tip: You all may not want to vacation in Texas anytime in the foreseeable future.

EMAIL Q&A

 Q: Mike “Welcome back Dude!” Hey I have to ask….
Did you see anything crazy during Mardi Gras when you were in the Middle East? Thanks and Welcome Back!
Trey – Baton Rouge, Louisiana

 A: Thanks Trey; and I know what you really want to know.
Mardi Gras in the Middle East has plenty of T & A……Toes and Ankles.

 Q: Mike, my family and I LOVE the television game show “Jeopardy”!
We watch it religiously!
My question is: Why isn’t there a program on television for college football with the format of Jeopardy?
I think it would be AWESOME!
What do you think?
The Kowalski Family – Madison, Wisconsin

 A: My powers of Prognostication do not extend to programs such as Jeopardy.
Case in point…..
I remember the last time I saw “Jeopardy”.
Alex said:”A Rhino, a Unicorn and Chuck Mangione.”

I would have said….”Three things I don’t want drunk and loose in my house”
See what I mean?

Q: I read something about a Tennessee football player suing a large food manufacture?
Do you have any information on that and by the way welcome home.
Stan – Athens, Georgia

A: Thanks Stan, I appreciate it.
It’s true; a “number” of Tennessee football players are involved in a “class” action lawsuit against Banquet Food Corporation for “False Advertisement”.

It seems their complaint is specifically against the “Banquet Pot Pie”.
The Tennessee football players cited…
 “They were hard to light and didn’t give us the buzz we were expecting”.

Q: Mike we are all really excited here in Minnesota about the upcoming 2009 College Football Season! Go Gophers!
The students here are trying to come up with a new catch phrase to get people excited about our state and Golden Gopher football in 2009!
Do you have any ideas that may help us out?
Thanks!
Tiffany – Saint Paul, Minnesota

A: How does this grab you….
“Ever Vigilant Minnesota: Keeping Canada at bay since 1873”

Q: Mike I have a simple question.
Why the hell didn’t Colt McCoy win the Heisman trophy last year?
Troy – Bangs, Texas 

A: Good question Troy and I have a simple answer for you.
The Heisman Trophy ceremony is televised by ESPN, which is owned by ABC.
ABC televised the BCS Championship last year.
How did they start promoting the game before the Heisman Trophy was awarded?

The first game between “two” Heisman Trophy winners….
See where this is going? Glad I could help.

Q: Mike where has Hootie Snitch been since you have been deployed?
We were looking forward (in a weird kind of way) to his updates in your absence.
Was he deployed on the Global War on Terror Too?
Dave – Little Creek, Virginia

A: I guess you could say Hootie was “technically” deployed.
By “deployed” I mean ordered to the county work farm after he was convicted of stalking the select committee at the International Towing and Recovery Hall of Fame and Museum.

If nothing else he is determined to get his mamma on the ballot for the 2009 inductees.
Hootie will be released back into the wild (appropriately) on April 1^st.

 If you get a chance, cast your ballot for Rowena Ratt Snitch at…..

 http://www.internationaltowingmuseum.org/

Tell them Phil Fulmer sent you…..

Q: Mike, I just have to ask…
Are you going to write a book about your adventures?
Thanks!
Holly – Biloxi, Mississippi

A: Thank you for asking Holly.
I am in the process of writing a historical biography.

“It Sucks to be You” – The Genghis Khan Story

Q: Mike in all your world travels,…
Is there anything that you want to share with us that could broaden our horizons…
and possibly enrich our lives on planet earth?
Salantra – Pasadena, California

A: Note to self: Never put Chap Stick on in the men’s room of a bad ass biker bar.

 It sends the wrong message – that’s all I’m saying.

Q: Mike I have a question that has bothered me for some time.
Should we really be involved in the toppling of dictators and the crushing of evil empires?
James – Cave City, Kentucky

A: I believe if we want to fight tyranny….
and dispose of a dictator and an evil regime….
 We should start with Miles Brand and the NCAA in Indianapolis Indiana.

College Football News and Views will be out later in the week.

Have a GREAT Week….

 RTR

MEB

As you may (or may not…)
know…….

Last week I was 33 and 13 or a “Not so Impressive” 72%…

Which Leaves me at 307 and 86 (78%) for the season…

AND…..

With an “Unofficial” 2009 Texas Governor’s Campaign.

I KNOW….
I picked those Horned Frogs from Texas Christian over BYU….

I picked the Houston Cougars to win the Conference USA Championship…

I said the Red Raiders of Texas Tech would be a force to be reckoned with….

And YES….

I picked the Mighty Texas Longhorns to not only defeat the Oklahoma Sooners….
But….
ALSO Picked them to beat MO’S Tigers….

But I CANNOT be a Candidate for Governor of the Lonestar State….

Despite the Fact….

My “Future” opponent Hates…
Puppies…
Santa Claus….
Willie Nelson…..
Earl Campbell
Roger Staubach…
AND….
Darrell Royal…

I even have on good authority that he hasn’t “Remembered the Alamo” in years….
and doesn’t own a pick-up truck…

You know something….

I bet he even pulled for the Mexican’s to kill John Wayne in the “Real” Alamo Movie…

“I AM Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator”……
And…
I approved this message…..

 Enjoy!

THE GAMES

Thursday October 23rd

Auburn at West Virginia
This one could go either way….
But it’s in Morgantown….
SOOoooooooooooo….
LIGHT THOSE COUCHES!
MOUNTAINEERS 24-23

New Mexico at Air Force
When I heard the “Low Blows” were playing Air Force…
I thought….
Didn’t they already play Navy?
FALCONS 34-31

Friday October 24th

Boise State at San Jose State
You know what “San Jose” means in Spanish?
I think it means….
“Joe has an infected mole..”
Which is disgusting…
BRONCOS 38-31

Your Saturday Picks and Prognostications will be out on Friday….

RTR
MEB

I know….

But Please Stop.. you are embarrassing me….

Just Because I was THE ONLY College Football Prognosticator in the Country to Pick the Texas Christian Horned Frog win (Not an “upset”) last night over the “Undefeated” BYU Cougars is no reason for such adulation…..

I am just a simple College Fooball Prognosticating Genius…

Sort of like “Rain Man”…without the stammer…

Enjoy Your Picks!

College Football NEWS and VIEWS

TENNESSEE: Did anyone see or hear the pregame “interviews” with selected Tennessee Players before last weeks game with Georgia?

In case you missed it…

Here is a brief review….

Defensive Lineman Robert Ayers from Cilio, South Carolina…

“We Ima Heba Go baaa Too Ratba….I sama geaam!”

Offensive Lineman Anthony Parker from Jonesboro, Georgia….

“GOO da bam an da big ga bubba, do da gema too!”

and Last but not Least….

Quarterback Nick Stephens from Flower Mound, Texas…

“EWUS de see moo to harrr, te gema form tut!”

EDITORS NOTE: I am almost certain they are all “Speech” Majors….

TENNESSEE (PART II): Anybody see ALL the Tennessee Volunteer Mascots lined up on the sidelines last weekend in Georgia?
It looked like the cast from “Alice in Wonderland”….
There was a Mountain Man….yet they aren’t the “Mountaineers”
and they aren’t the “David Crockett’s”….
or even the “Crockett’ers”…

EDITORS NOTE: I think the “Crockett’ers” sounds like an Old Peoples Dancing Club…

 
THEN….
There was the student in the Dog Costume…
and they aren’t the “Dogs”…
or the “Dawgs”…
Or even the “Huckleberry Hounds”…

EDITORS NOTE: Although that is a thought….

Then there is the “Real” Blue Tick Hound…
Yet…
We already covered the “Canine” topic haven’t we?

Did you see the student in the “Orange” Costume?
I know they have a lot of “Fruits” in Tennessee…
But “Oranges”?

TENNESSEE (PART III): I am still waiting to hear from my Tennessee Vol fans on the Trivia question….
 ”Who was the Last Quarterback to Start for the Vols from the state of Tennessee…?”

Don’t worry….

I’ll wait….

AUBURN: First the “Good News”….

Coach Tubberville fired “Himself” this week after calling what he described as a horrible game last week with Arkansas…

Now the “Bad News”….

Coach Tubberville then hired “Himself” back with a 6 million dollar buy-out clause…

OKLAHOMA STATE: You boys damn sure Cowboy’d Up!
Congratulations on a GREAT Win….

OLE MISS: I have a “Safety Tip” for any Rebel Fans planning on making the trip to “T” Town this weekend…
“IF” any of you Rebel Fans that threw bottles (and yes even shoes..)..and spit on our players after last years game in Oxford attempt the same stunt again this year…

YOU will not get out of T-Town in the same shape you arrived….

That’s a promise…

COMMERCIALS: What the Hell is wrong with the folks from Pizza Hut?

A commercial that shows a Father ”showing” his son how to eat a slice of pizza?

We are not interested in the “Further Adventures of the Wussy Family”…

AP and USA TODAY POLLS: SOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooo
The Southern California Trojans are Number #6 in one poll…
and…
Number # 8 in another poll?

I am sorry, I can’t seem to remember…
Who have they played to “GET BACK” into the Top Ten?

Nobody….
“ENTITLEMENT”…..

The Ohio State Buckeyes lost to (by the national media accounts) “The Best Team EVER”…

Yet they can’t get back into the Top Ten….

Why?
“ENTITLEMENT”…..

SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA: YOU still aren’t on probation? Really?

Who did you have for NCAA Investigatiors, O.J.’s “First” jury?

NCAA: You know what’s coming now right?

“So where is the Investigation into Reggie Bu$h and the $outhern California Trojan$?”

We are still waiting….

ESPN: If you were watching the Texas – Oklahoma game: Then you heard the worse, most uncomfortable conversation of all time during a broadcast college football game between Brent Musberger and Kirt Herbstreit….

KIRT: I love the atmosphere of this game with the Texas State Fair right outside the Cotton Bowl..

BRENT: Isn’t that the Texas Ferris Wheel in the distance?

KIRT: Let me see..I am reading from the Texas State Fair Guide..
The Texas State Ferris Wheel is one of the largest free standing Ferris Wheels in the World at Over 200 plus feet tall…

BRENT: What do you say you and I take a ride on that after the game?

KIRT: What? No, that’s alright……
Looks like Oklahoma is ready to take the field after the time-out…

BRENT: We could relax on the wheel and forget about the troubles on Wall Street and see the lights of Dallas from up there….

KIRT: No, that’s alright Brent I’ll pass….

EDITORS NOTE: Just when you think Brent Musburger couldn’t get any creeper….
He wants to get all “Mister McFeely” with Kirt Herbstreit…..

ESPN (PART II): Thanks so much for adding “another” studio analyst to an already crowded lineup…

Todd McShay..”Director of College Scouting”

Are YOU Kidding me?

Call him what he is…..

Another..
“Master of the Obvious”…

CLEMSON: Although about FOUR years too late to suit me….

YOU made the right decision…

It’s time to get a REAL Football Coach for the Tigers….

One is on the way…
Believe me…

EMAIL QUESTIONS and ANSWERS

Q: Mike, could you start picking some other “smaller” schools in the northeast?
Think about it!
Ben – Dover, Delaware
A: O My Gosh….
ARE you KIDDING Me!
“BEN DOVER”?
I may have peed on myself….

Q: Mike, I know this is not your normal subject matter…
 But what do you know about today’s ”so-called”… ”Energy Drinks”?
Are they harmful?
Thanks!
Molly – Fort Smith, Arkansas
A: Molly you came to the right place…
“Little Known” fact  we folks in the South have known for years…
Mountain Dew is the “Orginal” Energy Drink…
You don’t think so?
If you drink Mountain Dew for breakfast for four years you can’t donate blood..
Enough said…

Q: I want to thank Hootie Snitch for the smoking hot picture of that “girl” he got arrested with!
Bunch of us done downloaded the picture and got it blowed up!
It’s hanging in the work shed right now!
Skeeter – Dandridge, Tennessee
A: See the below email…

Q: DAMN! Where in the Hell did Hootie Snich find that GOOD Looking Gal?
LORDY I done copied that picture and sent it to all my friends!
Hot damn, I am still all lathered up over that picture!
War Eagle!
Chip – Loachapoka, Alabama
A: It’s nice to know that Hootie has “Interstate” appeal…

Q: Helloo! I want you to know that I enjoy your article!
I read each week!
You inspire me to follow my dreams!
I inspire to be the FIRST Asian Ghost Buster!
YES!
So I go back to Hong Kong and follow my dream!
Chang – San Francisco, California
(Hong Kong!)
A: SOOOooooooooooooooooo
Who you gonna Crawl?

THE GAMES

Saturday October 18th

Texas Tech at Texas A&M
If you have children in the room when this game is on…
Please, send them out to play…
This is going to be really ugly…
As in my Sister-in-Law in a string bikini ugly…
GET THOSE GUNS UP!
RED RAIDERS 38-17

Vanderbilt at Georgia
On paper this looks like a really close game…
But Football isn’t played on paper…
HOW Bout Them DAWGS!
DAWGS 28-17

LSU at South Carolina
Please see “Texas Tech at Texas A&M” for a graphic description of this game…
FIGHT’N TIGERS 31-14

EDITORS NOTE: Sorry for the above visuals, but yes…
They will be “That” ugly…

Syracuse at South Florida
A team called the “Orange” goes to Florida and gets squeezed…

Coincidence?

I think not…
BULLS 33-10

Kutztown at East Stroudsburg
Is Kutztown close to Funky Town?
Just wondering….

Wake Forest at Maryland
I wish I had a shirt that says…
“I Got Crabs in Maryland”…
But sometimes I wish for too much…
NINJA TURTLES 24-21

Purdue at Northwestern
I would watch this game but I have all the symptoms….
That I am getting Disco Fever…
WILLDCATS 24-23

Memphis at East Carolina
I don’t know where either team has been for the past three weeks…
So this is a toss up…
PIRATES 23-17

EDITORS NOTE: Maybe Skip Holtz has been too busy “Interviewing” for the Clemson job before it even became open….

Because he has….

Connecticut at Rutgers
The Jersey (Pronounced: Jeo-seeeeee) Cinderella lost her shoes….
And…..
Mid-Night Powder Blue Eye Shadow…
HUSKIES 27-21 

Georgia Tech at Clemson
Everything says the folks from Carolina won’t win….
But this is about “Pride”….
I am a Believer…
TIGERS 23-21

Frostburg State at Ithaca
You know a school is ten miles from the artic circle when they name it “Frost-burg”…
Or maybe….
This is the school were “Frosted Flakes” was invented…
Never mind..

Wisconsin at Iowa
Will the Mighty Badgers lose four in a row?
Not this year….
Believe in the Power of Cheese……
BADGERS 33-27

Nebraska at Iowa State
Did anybody see the “Black Shirts” take the Red Raiders to Overtime last week?
Enough said…
CORNHUSKERS 34-17

Kansas at Oklahoma
My Choice for the “Last Team on the Planet to Play when they are Mad as Hell”…..

BOOMER SOONERS 34-23

Colorado State at Utah
I really didn’t know which way to go on this one…….
But I just got finished watching “My Cousin Vinnie..”
TWO UTES 33-28

Baylor at Oklahoma State
Have I mentioned that the Baylor School of Medicine is one of the finest Medical Schools in the country?
They may need it when this is over….
COWBOY UP! 31-17

Southern Miss at Rice
I wish I could take the Golden Eagles in this one….
and I would have…
But you got rid of Coach Bower…
MY FAVORITE PUDDING 24-20

Ole Miss at Alabama
Let’s keep this one simple shall we?
CRIMSON TIDE 27-17

Southern California at Washington State
The cougars couldn’t whip cream……
TROJAN$ 116-0

Ohio State at Michigan State
This is going to be one hell of an old fashion Big Ten..I mean “Eleven” Fight…
Don’t blink….
BUCKEYES 23-20

Westminster at LaGrange College
“Haw..Haw Haw…”
I just couldn’t resist another ZZ Top reference…

North Carolina at Virginia
I think the world of those boys from the Old Dominion…
But…
The Tar Heels are for REAL….
(Just like I told you they were at the begining of the season..)
TAR HEELS 28-17

Pittsburg at Navy
Do you know who I think will have a “Big” day in this game?
The Midshipman Quarterback….
“Kaippo-Nooa KKahheeakku- Ennhhadda”

That poor boy’s name starts at the back of his jersey and goes all the way to the front….

MIDSHIPMEN 23-21

 
Hiram at Eartham
If your name is Hiram…
You are harder than Woodepecker Lips…
It’s a Law…
HIRAM whips EARTHAM’s Ass….

MTSU at Louisville
Everytime I see one of these “Alphabet Soup” Schools…
I have the uncontrollable urge to “Buy a Vowel”….
CARDINALS 38-17

Randolph Macon at Emory & Henry
I wish this was Randolph “Bacon”…
Because….
There is nothing like pork products to enhance a Tailgating experience…
I’m Just saying….

Miami (FL) at Duke
UPSET SPECIAL!!!!!
WHAT?
Have you lost your damn minds?
HURRICANES 33-16

Army at Buffalo
O.K…..
West Point has “won” two weeks in a row….
Which is normally a sign of the coming Apocalypse…
But in his case I believe it means….
BLACK KNIGHTS OF THE HUDSON 27-24

Marshall at UAB
Here we go with “Alphabet Soup” again…
“Vanna Darling could I buy a Vowel?”

EDITORS NOTE: FACT….
When the above is spoken with a Southern accent…
You automatically win the Grand Prize….
Not that is matters here…

THUNDERING HERD 31-13

Stanford at UCLA
Another “BIG GAME” in the PAC 10 this week….
I would watch it too….
But….
“Mr. Potato Head: Behind The Music” is on VH1….
Sorry…
BRUINS 23-21

Michigan at Penn State
The Wolverines “Might” win this game…..
And….
Mrs. Coach Rod “Might” not dress like a ten dollar hooker….

We all know….
Neither of which is possible…
JO PA’S LIONS 31-16

Kansas State at Colorado
My Sister-in-Law “reviewed” the films of her leading the Colorado Team onto the field a few weeks ago…..
She thinks the camera makes the hump on her back look “smaller”….
If only it could do something with that one foot that looks like a hoof…
BUFFALOS 33-28

Arkansas at Kentucky
I can honestly say…..
I have NO Idea who has the advantage here…
Take your pick…
WILDCATS 27-24

Oregon State at Washington
I am not ashamed to say it…..
Damn It…
I Love Beavers!
BEAVERS 34-14

EDITORS NOTE: Please, No Hate Mail this week from people who think I am being Nasty…
I am just talking about the BEAVERS!

Idaho at Louisiana Tech
I think ”Famous Potatoes” are going to get a Cajun Mashing…
DOOLEY’S BULLDOGS 38-10

Mississippi State at Tennessee
I believe Coach Croom’s Dog’s are Hungry…..
and are more than capable….
Of Treeing a Volunteer…
CROOM’S BULLDOGS

Lenoir Rhyne at Carson Newman
If this was LeeAnn Rimes I still think the Eagles would win…
It would just be more fun to watch…
SPARKS EAGLES 34-24

Occidental at Chapman
Don’t they mean “accidental”?
NOW that makes sense….

Missouri at Texas
Everybody thinks MO’s Tigers will beat the Longhorns…
Just like “THEY” all thought the Sooners would roll the Horns up last week….

HOOK EM….
LONGHORNS 38-34

Virginia Tech at Boston College
IF the Turkeys want to have a chance in this game they better get that Big Ole Wang in the game….
HOKIES 24-23

EDITORS NOTE: What Now? I was talking about Ed WANG….

San Jose State at New Mexico State
I think “San Jose” is Spanish for….
I just got my ass Kicked in New Mexico…
AGGIES 34-23

UTEP at Tulsa
What is it with all the Alphabet Soup U’s this week?
TEP-U and Golden Hurricanes too?
Common decency prevents me from commenting on this one…

HURRICANES of GOLD 38-33

Indiana at Illinois
I still haven’t heard back from you folks in Indiana on the name change from “Hoosiers” (Which nobody knows what the hell that is…)

To…”The Gomers!”
With!
Jim Nabors as an Official Sponsor!

How does this sound….
“Here come the Gomers! SHAZAM!”
Just think about it…that’s all I ask

ZOOKS FIGHTN PUMPKINS 34-17

Houston at Southern Methodist
My Poor Ponies have been rode hard and put up wet….
COUGARS 43-24

California at Arizona
I would watch this game but Mike Tyson is going to be on Celebrity Jeopardy…

I hope I get to hear him say…

“I’wa take “People I want to Kill” for 500 Al-wex”….

BEARS 38-24

Air Force at UNLV
Seriously….
What is the Deal with all the Acronym U’s this week?
Next week I am going to combine all the Acronym-Alphabet Schools into one word…
It will be like Scrabble for cool people…
FALCONS 33-31

Enjoy Your Games!

RTR
MEB

As promised we return for the Saturday College Football Games…..

Due to limited time this week for “The Picks” I will present the “Southern California Trojan” version of the College Football Picks next week…

However, just for you (My Beloved Fans) I will provide a sample of what is to come in that segment with a “Southern California Trojan” Testimonial…
It should be more than enough to get your funny bone going for the weekend…

Enjoy Your Picks!

College Football News and Views

HURRICANE IKE: Now I know how Tina felt….
I am glad your ass is gone….

ARCHIE MANNING: Is it just me, or is Archie starting to look more like Woody Allen each day?

FLORIDA STATE: Even at Bobby’s advanced age he is out on the recruiting trail…
You don’t think so?
Tune in next week, I have a picture to prove it!

ESPN: The only thing you have for us at Halftime on Thursday Night College Football is “Dr. Lou”?

Really? That’s all you all came up with?

Lou spitting and gobbling for 15 minutes?

HOW about SHOWING us the Damn MARCHING BANDS?

TENNESSEE: This past week Phat Phil and his “personal” Attorney Jeff Hagood filed a motion to prevent Coach Phil Fulmer from having to provide a depostion in a lawsuit involving a former Alabama Booster.

This isn’t the “Same” Coach Phil Fulmer that stated in an article this past summer (printed in the Knoxville News-Sentinel) that self-proclaimed he was a “man of Principle and Integrity”…

This couldn’t be the “Same” Coach Fulmer that stated on a radio sports talk show “I didn’t have anything to do with the investigation into  Alabama…”
Then Proceded to conduct his own investigation with “Thunder Lips” Thornton and became the NCAA “Secret Witness”?

EDITORS NOTE: The wheels of justice move slowly….but they finally caught his fat ass.

AUBURN: This past week the President of Auburn University had to issue a statement to the student, fans and alumni….
“Be good sports…Don’t Boo your team or the opposing team…Your behavior reflects poorly on the Auburn Family…”

EDITORS NOTE: I NEVER thought I would see the day when the Auburn Fans acted like Tennessee Fans….You should all be ashamed of yourselves….

SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA: Seriously, shouldn’t you all be on probation by now?
Just wondering……

MICHIGAN: I know it hurts losing to a crappy Notre Dame Team….
But Look on the bright side….
Coach Rod’s wife STILL looks like a ten Dollar Hooker….

NCAA: SOoooooo just exactly are you with the “BIG” Investigation into Reggie Bush and the Mighty Southern California Trojans..?

STILL Wondering…..

EMAIL Questions and Answers

Q: Mike, how do they seperate the “Boys” from the “Men” at The University of Southern California?
Mel – Seattle, Washington
A: With a Crowbar….

Q: Hey Man! I am a Roadie for a Poison cover band called “Poison: Overdose” and I have a question for you! If Bret Michaels was a college football team who would it be and why?
Thanks Dude, you rock!
“Beef” – Kansas City, Missouri
A: I would have to say Georgia Tech…Because they are after all..
 ”The Rambling Wreck”…Rock on Dude..

Q: If you could have one wish, would it be for “World Peace” or “Ending World Hunger”?
Flower – Coronado, California
A: Neither….
It would involve a Deaf Mute “Super Model” that owned her own chain of liquor stores…

Q: Mike, our neighbors are Tennessee fans…
They are normal 8 months out of the year…
You can talk with them about almost anything..
Until football season starts!

Then they act stupid! Can you help us please?

Mindy – Biloxi, Mississippi
A: Mindy…these are people that believe “Professional Wrestling” is Real and the Moon landing is a fake….Go figure.

SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA TROJAN “Testimonials”

EDITORS NOTE: These are “real” testimonials to the Greatness of all that is the University of Southern California Trojans Football…..
Enjoy….

“Mark Sanchez saved me a ton of money on my car insurance!”

- Dr. Mike Rotchburns

“The Southern California Trojans Cured my Polio!”

Franklin Delano Roosevelt

“Since I placed my hands under the University of Southern California Trojan center last week; I no longer want to molest little boys…Thank you USC Trojans!”

- Michael Jackson

“It is a scientific fact: Hurricanes DO NOT hit the west coast out of fear for the Southern California Trojans!”

- Jim Cantore “The Weather Channel”

“What was I thinking? Scientology is for wusseys! I believe in the power of the Trojans!”

- Tom Cruise

THE GAMES

Saturday September 20th

EDITORS NOTE: I have been accused in the past of being “insensitive” and “uncultured”….
I hope to correct this unfair description of myself this week….
By Picking Your College Football Games through the “magic” of Interpretive Dance…

Enjoy!

Troy at Ohio State
I am doing the “River Dance” right now and thinking….
THE MIGHTY BUCKEYES 34-10

EDITORS NOTE: Get it..”Stomping”?
I think I pulled something…

East Carolina at North Carolina State
If I was the Coach for the Wolfpack I would be doing the “Running Man”….
PIRATES 23-17

Temple at Penn State
I am a little afraid to discuss dancing here: I don’t want Jo Pa to break a hip…
JO PA’S LIONS 44-13

Mississippi State at Georgia Tech
Somebody call the Bee Gees!
The Bulldogs….are Staying Alive…
BULLDOGS 23-20

EDITORS NOTE: I can’t believe I had to resort to a Disco reference already…
I might have really pulled something……my leg is on fire.

Ohio at Northwestern
Seriously…My leg is burning like hell itself.
WILDCATS 27-14

Florida Atlantic at Minnesota
Just thinking about Gophers Dancing…
Makes me laugh…
O SOooo GOLDEN GOPHERS 33-17

Iowa at Pittsburg
Honestly? I am still laughing about the Dancing Gophers….
Yes..I am that easily amused.
EYES of the HAWK 27-14

Central Michigan at Purdue
Seriously…
I have to stop laughing over the dancing Gophers…
I almost made myself throw-up…..
BOILERMAKERS 28-24

Alabama at Arkansas
This ain’t no Party….
This ain’t no Disco…
This ain’t no fooling around…
CRIMSON TIDE 33-24

Central Florida at Boston College
If yankees dance or enjoy themselves in any way…
I am blissfully unaware…
EAGLES 27-14

Eastern Michigan at Maryland
“See the above Pick for discription”
FIGHTN TURTLES 24-20

South Carolina State at Clemson
In case you didn’t know…
South Carolina is known for the “Shag”…
There isn’t anything I don’t like about that…
TOMMY’S TIGERS 38-10

Miami (FL) at Texas A&M
I cannot believe I am doing the Texas Two Step on this one…
HURRICANES 23-17

Buffalo at Missouri
Is there a dance called the “Buffalo Beat-Down’?
Well…….There should be
MO’S TIGERS 49-10

Wyoming at Brigham Young
I don’t think Mormons are allowed to dance…
Are they?
Never Mind….I just remembered “Donny and Marie”…
COUGARS 33-14

 
Arizona at UCLA
This is going to be really…really…
UGLY….
BRUINS 17-14

Florida at Tennessee
Speaking of “Ugly”….
Do you know the Number One Pick Up Line in OBKnoxville on Saturday Night?
“Hey….Nice Tooth”
MIGHTY GATORS 34-17

Boise State at Oregon
Call me crazy….
My psychiatrists did….
BRONCOS 31-28

Houston at Colorado State
In case you were wondering…
I can no longer “Dance Out” this weeks picks…
Pulled something in my leg..
After all, who do you think I am …
Deney Terrio?
COUGARS 34-31

Notre Dame at Michigan State
Damn you Adrian Zmed and your high power dancing….
FIGHTING IRISH 28-24

Virginia Tech at North Carolina
When I was in school I was really good at the “Hokey-Pokey”…
I didn’t even know It was a dance until I was caught by the principal….
Forget I mentioned it…
TAR HEELS 23-17

Rutgers at Navy
Sailors dancing in those white Cracker Jack Uniforms reminds me of that one guy in “The Villiage People”
SCARLETT KNIGHTS 24-17

Marshall at Southern Miss
This game may decide the Conference USA Champion….
It will be close….
REAL close…
GOLDEN EAGLE 23-21

Utah at Air Force
Normally I wouldn’t pick against the Mighty Falcons…
But these Utes are something else…
TWO UTES 31-28

South Florida at Florida International
Why do these people from Florida think they are all “International”?
What makes them so “International”?
Do they eat with their feet?
BULLS 27-14

Rice at Texas
I believe the words in the song…..
“The Eyes of Texas Are Upon You”
MIGHTY LONGHORNS 34-14

Menlo at Occidental
I am not quite sure why this is in here….
It sounds like a disease and a Health Insurance Company…

Massachusetts at Texas Tech
This will be SOOoooooo close…
NOT…
RED RAIDERS GET THOSE GUNS UP! 38-17

Sam Houston State at Kansas
I always admired Sam Houston…
But he is outgunned in this one…
JAY’S HAWKS 43-10

Wake Forest at Florida State
The Demon Deacons will keep this one closer than you think….
But on the up side…
Coach Bobby is telling everyone he has tickets to the “next” Elvis Concert…
SEMINOLES 28-17

Ball State at Indiana
I have a meeting of the International Sea Monkey Society…
Or I would soooo be watching this one…
HOMERS 31-28

Muskingum College at Otterbein College
This sounds like a game between two lung infections…

Vanderbilt at Ole Miss
Will the Commodores be 4 and 0 after this week?
Yes….I believe they will be.
COMMODORES 27-23

New Mexico at Tulsa
I wish I cared…But I am tired from the “magic” of Interpretive Dance…
Plus my ankle hurts…
GOLDEN HURRICANES 33-28

Wofford at South Carolina
I believe if Chewbacca had a College…
It would be Wofford…
OR if Chewbacca had a pesky cough..
It would be Wofford…
I have to stop…
GAMECOCKS 38-10

LSU at Auburn
I could easly pick the winner of this game as the “Tigers”
But that isn’t why you read my column…
FIGHTN’ TIGERS 17-15

Georgia at Arizona State
It’s about time people out west learn that all important phrase…
HOW BOUT THEM DAWGS!
DAWGS 24-17

Texas Christian at Southern Methodist
The Mighty Mustangs will keep this closer than you might think..
For a while….
HORNED FROGS 24-14

Fresno State at Toledo
I have the International Sea Monkey Society Meeting “After Party” or I would watch this one….
I promise…
BULLDOGS 34-17

Juniata at Ursinus
I tried to say these two teams “out loud” really fast and I spit all over myself….

San Jose State at Stanford
My Lord….I can’t believe I am doing this….
CARDINAL 6-3

Iowa State at UNLV
As a Side Note: Always “Warm up” before you start dancing and typing…
CYCLONES 23-21

New Mexico State at UTEP
If the knuckleheads in Aggieland Bring back “Pistol Pete” I will not publish naked pictures of “key” members of the administration with farm animals…

That is my promise to you….
AGGIES 24-20

 
Enjoy Your Games!

RTR
MEB

It would appear from the number of emails I received after my last post that I hit a nerve with some football fans of “anything” California. It is also apparent that I have offended a large number of northern football fans living near the artic circle. I am assuming they read my post when they weren’t chewing whale blubber.

Before we go any further let me take a moment to bring a silver lining to this discussion and clear up any misunderstanding.

For the folks who reside near the artic circle that were offended by my last post; look on the bright side.
You may not be very good in the world of college football, but you still have the winter Olympics!
Curling! YES!

To my “Highly Offended” football fans from California let me simplify this argument for you.

We are different.

You think you have all the answers.

We Know you don’t.

When one of our players is accused of accepting money from a Booster or one of our universities undergoes an NCAA inquisition you say we have a “Plantation Mentality.”

When one of your players has been paid by a Booster or your university undergoes an NCAA investigation you say “the system is flawed.”

Certainly there are other differences as well.

We know the “Real” Death Valley isn’t in the desert…

To us the Third Saturday in October means something special….

We know that Ninety Thousand people will fit into a Swamp…

We know that Bo still Knows….

We Know that Hershal is a stallion and Earl is a Longhorn..

We Invented tailgating….
EDITORS NOTE: Not to be confused with the same term and or activity used in and around the San Francisco bay area.

Most of OUR mascots can and will hurt you if given the chance…

I hope this helped.

Before I forget, Hootie Snitch will return next week as he is still trying to sober up from his trip to the South Carolina Cooter Festival. Before you even ask, yes I am serious.
http://www.cooterfest.com/

COLLEGE FOOTBALL NEWS

GEORGIA STATE: I will try and write this particular piece again without breaking into fits of uncontrollable laughter.

Georgia State has started a football program and named Bill Curry as their Head Coach.

Yes, That Bill Curry

There is Good news and Bad news here folks.

The Bad News is that Georgia State hired Bill Curry as their Head Coach.
The Good News is the rest of us won’t have to listen to his winy “know it all” ass cry on television anymore about how the Alabama fans never embraced him at the Capstone.

OPERATION MORALE: Recently a number of college football coaches traveled across Southwest Asia on “Operation Morale” to visit with our tropps and to thank them for their sacrifice and service. Notable Coaches on the tour included Notre Dame Coach Charlie Weis, Mark Richt of Georgia, Miami Hurricane Coach randy Sahnnon and Tommy Tubberville of Auburn.

Thank you to all the coaches; those boys and girls really appreciated it.

EDITORS NOTE: Despite the fact a number of reported terrorist seemed to “disappear” in Baghdad, there is no truth to the rumor that Charlie Weis ingested any Al-Qaeda operatives while he was in Iraq.

Also the rumors circulating that Tommy Tubberville’s ears were used to listen to conversations in the distant caves of Afghanistan are completely false. Everyone knows his ears only have an estimated sensitive hearing radius (ESHR) of five hundred miles.

GEORGIA: It’s a sad day between the hedges.

John Rauch, the former Bulldog quarterback and Oakland Raider Head Coach in Super Bowl II died at his home in Oldsmar Florida. he was 80 years old.

Rauch became a four year starter for the Bulldogs from 1945 to 1948 and he was the first player in college football history to start in four consecutive bowl games. Het set the NCAA record with 4,044 career passing yards while leading the Georgia Bulldogs to a 36-8-1 record and two consecutive Southeastern Conference Championships.

VIRGINIA TECH: The Hokie’s prized recruit who led Amherst High School to consecutive Group AA State Championships and was voted the Associated Press Virginia Player of the Year is facing felony drug charges.

Peter Rose, the first team quarterback and AP Group AA Player of the Year in 2007, was charged with two counts of distribution of drugs within 1,000 feet of a school.

Florida State Coach Bobby Bowden was reported to have said concerning the arrest: ” If he would have signed with us we would have provided him with bail money and a decent attorney.”

TENNESSEE: This past week, University of Tennessee President John Petersen announced that a number of academic programs will be eliminated in order to cover the reported 11 million dollar shortfall in the university budget.

One program that will be eliminated is the minor in dance curriculum.
No word yet on how this will effect the academic standing of the football team.

EDITORS NOTE: Thank God they STILL have the Walking classes for the football players or none of them would be eligible.

SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA: Believe it or not, the investigation into the Trojans and Reggie Bush is still “ongoing.” Ole Reggie’s attorneys are working overtime to prevent the lawsuit from his “former” sports agent Lloyd Lake from being conducted in a public forum.
Currently the lawsuit has been delayed as Reggie’s attorneys have reserved an 11 July court date to argue a motion to compel arbitration and want the case stayed until that motion is heard.
If the case is stayed and moved out of court, it would cut off potential court-related evidence available to the NCAA, which as we all know is “investigating” whether Bush and his family recevied impermissible benefits from Lake and his former business partner Michael Michaels.

Bush and the Trojans don’t act like they are innocent, do they?

EDITORS NOTE: Whatever happened to the NCAA finding a team or individual guilty on circumstantial evidence?

NCAA: Hey Matlock, have you found Reggie Bush’s parents house yet?

Only 70 days until Kickoff…….

RTR
MEB